#oneaday Day 447: School camp

A childhood memory that I have somewhat mixed feelings about is that of the time I went on "school camp". That is to say, when a reasonably sized group of us kids (in Year 6 at the time) were taken to a campsite on the edge of the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire, and then proceeded to spend five days living under canvas.

On the whole, it's a mostly fond memory. I enjoyed camping both on this occasion and on the few weekend-long Cub Scout camps I attended while I was a member of that organisation. But there are a few things about it that I'm less than thrilled to have firmly lodged in my long-term memory. I thought today I'd talk a bit about both sides of the experience.

First, the good: we took part in a lot of really fun, interesting activities on the camp, and had the opportunity to mingle with a few other schools who were also in attendance at the time. Naturally, it didn't take long for talk to turn to who "fancied" who — as I recall, a girl named Taymar from one of these other schools was rather popular among the boys from our school and, childish and inexperienced in matters of the heart as we were, it was always enormously exciting for any of us who got to do anything vaguely "physical" (get your mind out of the gutter, we were 11… actually, considering what I'm about to admit, never mind) with her.

To my eternal shame, I all-too-vividly recall excitedly telling my friend Matthew that I had "bummed" Taymar. I didn't really know what "bumming" generally referred to in common vernacular, and instead assumed it meant that, through some circumstance or another, you had touched bums with another person. And, indeed, on a sort of "assault course" (for kids) style scenario, I had indeed touched bums with Taymar when we were passing one another on a rope bridge, moving in opposite directions. That was the extent of the encounter. I don't think I ever actually spoke to her during the entire trip.

But anyway, I digress. Other highlights that didn't involve underage quasi-sexual activity were the time we did a… I forget how it was described, but something like "rope walkway"? We were blindfolded, and had to navigate our way through the forest by following a rope path that had been laid out for us. I remember finding this quite enjoyable and exciting; trying to picture the environments through which we were manoeuvring as kind of thrilling.

We also went bird-watching. As I recall, there were some forms of rare birds (hawks, I think?) who made their homes near the campsite, so we spent some time looking out for them, but mostly just staring at a cliff face with a few holes in it. The possibility of seeing a Rare Thing was quite exciting for us as kids, though.

Strangely, one of my most vivid memories of school camp is one lunchtime, when we were being issued our packed lunch for a day-long excursion into the forest. Our headteacher had a very particular way of talking, and to this day part of my long-term memory is taken up with the specific way he offered us "Cheese… and salad… or… luncheon meat… and salad" as our sandwich choices. Naturally, as children, we were all horrified at the prospect of a salad sandwich, but most of us were quite pleasantly surprised that it turned out to be tasty. I guess when it's all you've got, you learn to appreciate it.

Night-time was a frustrating time, as I recall. The tent I was sleeping in with the other boys included, among others, my aforementioned best friend Matthew, and a young man named Christopher who could politely be termed the "class clown". When it was time for lights out, he would not shut up. On the first night, he started making up a stupid song about what I believe was "Doyget Sands", a fictional girl that he claimed to love. For every single night thereafter, there was at least an hour of him lamenting how he couldn't be together with "his Doyget", or singing that infernal song again. We learned to just stay awake and tolerate his bollocks until he got bored, which he eventually would, and then we could all get a decent night's sleep.

My least favourite memory about school camp is the fact I didn't poo for a week. At the time, I had an absolute phobia of taking a shit anywhere other than the toilet in my own house, and with the campsite facilities being… fairly run-down, to put it politely, I was terrified that getting my bum out anywhere in the vicinity of those toilets would result in being immediately struck down with dysentery.

So I didn't. I just didn't poo. I needed to, sure, but I didn't. And I didn't tell anyone. But I knew. And I was mortified one day when, full of unevacuated poo and struggling to keep up with the rest of the group as a result, the aforementioned headteacher, presumably in an attempt to encourage me, noted that there was "only about half an hour of waddling to go". I was immediately concerned that he knew I was full of poo, though he didn't mention anything else.

When I got home, I found that I had successfully made myself constipated. I wasn't aware that this was something you could do deliberately, but I had apparently cracked it over the course of that week. And when, if you'll pardon the expression and the mental image, the floodgates eventually opened, it felt real good. From thereon, I figured I should probably try and get over my fear of pooing in places that weren't my own house.

So anyway, that's my memories of school camp. You can hopefully see why I have somewhat mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the whole, it's a time in my life I think back fondly on, with my only regret being that I didn't poo more. I would have probably enjoyed everything about the trip a lot more if I had just gone for a poo each evening.

There's your lesson for life for the day. Now I'm off for a poo.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 446: A quick week?

This week, oddly, seems to have kind of flown by. I'm not complaining at all, I hasten to add, because the quicker this week and the next goes by, the sooner the wife and I get to go on holiday. And we're both really looking forward to some nice time away.

Things are… less stressful than they have been at various other points over the course of the last few months, but I'm still pretty burnt out and ready for a break. It will be great to completely disconnect from social media, work and most other modern annoyances and just relax. I am taking some form of computing device with me on holiday, though; my intention is to set aside a bit of time to do some creative writing each day, as a pleasant "forest retreat" seems like the ideal environment in which to do such a thing.

I haven't quite decided how I'm going to achieve this as yet, though. I think what I'm probably going to do is buy one of those little portable monitors you can get, then either hook that up to my phone and run that in its "DeX" desktop mode, or just take my mini PC with me. Then all I need is a keyboard and mouse — and I have plenty of those — and we're sorted.

I'm not promising anything that is going to gush forth from my brain during the holiday is going to be great or even coherent, but I am conscious of the fact that I made a big deal of setting up that "Scratch Pad" site for the distinct purpose of doing creative writing, and then haven't done any as yet. That needs fixing, and being in a suitable environment to write for enjoyment and pleasure, rather than for obligations, would seem like a suitable opportunity to do just that.

But anyway. There's a week and a half of work to get through first, but I feel like I can make it through that without too much trouble. I've got a to-do list of things I want to (or should) try to complete before I leave, and it's not at all excessive in its length, so I'm pretty confident I will be able to achieve everything by or before next Friday. Because if it ain't done by then, it ain't getting done… until I get back, anyway. And, as unforgiving as I might have been sounding about unplugging and going pretty much "off-grid" during the holiday (aside from this blog, which will still see daily updates) I don't really want to leave my colleagues in the lurch while I am absent.

So that's that. Now it's time to head to bed and read a bit of The Black Cauldron, I feel. Or perhaps a quick game of something on the MiSTer before that, maybe…?

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#oneaday Day 445: An evening with MiSTer

The many, many gigabytes of Stuff I'd been copying to my MiSTer Multisystem 2 finally finished during the workday today, so as soon as I was off the clock it was time to dive in and try some things!

I had a couple of unfortunate hiccups along the way, most notably with Starwing, which kept freezing up and crashing, seemingly at random. I tried several different ROM files and that didn't seem to fix it; other SNES games seemed to work fine, but other Super FX games (such as Yoshi's Island) also displayed the same lockup problems with the same or even greater frequency. A bit of digging around the Internet revealed that the SNES core is seemingly having a few woes with Super FX games right now, so I guess I'll just have to wait until that's sorted to get my Starwing on. Unfortunate, but it's not as if there's nothing else on there to play!

My second hiccup was with the Atari ST. I set it up to use Pera Putnik's excellent hard drive image of games that had been converted to run from hard drive and under pretty much any revision of the operating system (under normal circumstances, quite a few ST games can be very picky about this) and… starting any game up resulted in the dreaded "bombs" — the ST's error screen. Then I remembered that it's recommended you run the games from this hard drive image with more than a megabyte of RAM due to the extra features that have been bolted onto them, such as save states. On my real STE I was running them with 4MB and it worked great, so I bumped the MiSTer's virtual ST RAM up to 4MB and suddenly everything was working perfectly. Wonderful.

I had a bit of a tinker with the 60Hz games, too. The 60Hz squish that is my TV's trademark is a tad variable depending on what system you're using — presumably it relates to the specific resolution a console is outputting, which would account for why ColecoVision is super squished, while SNES, PS1, PC Engine and suchlike just have black borders no bigger than your typical unoptimised PAL conversion from back in the day — but the performance is absolutely lovely. I tried the NEOGEO core, and it's beautiful.

For me, I think the biggest thing that CRTs provide over and above modern displays is the sheer smoothness of movement, particularly with something like scrolling. I'd long suspected that this was the case, and while I was setting up the MiSTer I put it to the test, running a game through both the analogue and HDMI outputs simultaneously. On the CRT, the scrolling was silky smooth. On the HDMI monitor, it was pretty smooth, but nowhere near as slick. Granted, the HDMI monitor I'm using is not exactly one optimised for gaming (it's an office castoff from a friend) but the difference was… marked.

So what have I actually played this evening? A few things! I didn't want to be jumping around too much, so I tried to pick a few things that I could settle in with for a while. I was hoping to spend the whole evening revisiting Starwing, since I haven't played that properly for many years, but, well, see above for what happened there.

After a bit of fiddling around trying (and failing) to get that to work, I booted up a game I'd only ever played a demo of previously: Kula World (aka Roll Away to Americans) on PlayStation. This is a puzzle game in which you control a beach ball on some suspended platforms, and your aim is to gather the keys to open the exit, perhaps score some bonus points along the way, then get to the exit. The twist is that as well as rolling along the platforms and jumping, you can also roll around the "end" of platforms to move onto different faces, thereby opening up different angles of exploration. The game starts simple but becomes a bit of a brain-bender before long, particularly as you're against the clock on each stage!

Then I thought I'd have a poke around in the AmigaVision collection, which is a huge pile of Amiga games with a nice front-end launcher. I plumped for HeroQuest II: Legacy of Sorasil, a game I've always been curious about — and a tad bitter that it never came to ST, as I really enjoyed the original HeroQuest on ST. I reckon the ST could definitely handle HeroQuest II — though I suspect the fact it was a 1994 release was the main reason we never saw an ST version, rather than fears the platform wouldn't be able to handle it. By 1994, I'm pretty sure we'd converted to being an MS-DOS and Windows 3.1 household, though the STs still got some use by my Dad for MIDI purposes. The Amiga, meanwhile, was still clinging on for dear life at this point, bless it.

I'm really impressed with the home computer experience on MiSTer so far — though given the project's origin primarily as a means of emulating Amiga and ST in FPGA hardware, this probably shouldn't surprise me. The Atari 8-bit core is very pleasing indeed, happily runs both disk images and Atari executable .xex files, and makes the correct noises while loading. I haven't tinkered with the C64 and Spectrum cores as yet, but I suspect those will be just as enjoyable to play around with.

I made the right choice hooking up a keyboard and mouse to the MiSTer from the get-go. Having it ready to go as both a classic computer and a games console really showcases the flexibility of the device — and the many generously provided USB ports on the Multisystem 2 mean there's no real swapping things around needed. I'm definitely looking forward to getting back into some proper classic computing with the system — I might see if I can make more sense of the programming tutorials in magazines than I could as a kid, and actually see if I can learn something along the way. We'll see.

For now, I'm very happy indeed. It was a lengthy process to get everything setup — and it doesn't have to be quite as lengthy as what I did, but I wanted a fairly "future-proof" setup — but now I can just flip a switch and be in retro heaven without having to swap cables around or remember where I put fifteen different power adapters. Plug and play! It'll never catch on.

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#oneaday Day 444: The 60Hz Squish

The MiSTer is nearly completely set up! It's just copying over a shitload of PlayStation and Saturn games, and then it will be ready to go. I got a replacement SCART cable today, and I'm delighted to report I can now get an absolutely lovely picture on my beloved old CRT, which means the MiSTer can be used to enjoy a retro gaming experience as "authentic" as it's possible to get without using real hardware.

I've elected to load the system up with primarily PAL-format ROMs. I know some folks will get sniffy about this, but I have three reasons for doing so.

Firstly, I live in the UK. PAL gaming is what I grew up with, and part of getting the MiSTer set up and working is about recreating that classic experience of using computers and consoles on this Sony Trinitron TV — which is the same one we used to run the Atari ST through back at my parents' house, and which is the same one I took with me to university and played PlayStation games on, right up until I bought an absolute monster of a CRT from a local second-hand shop in my second year at university. That TV, sadly, died after probably one too many house moves (it moved to three different houses in Southampton, then another in Winchester before finally giving up) but the CRT I'm using now is still going almost as strong as it ever was.

Secondly, this TV has a peculiar idiosyncrasy where it is capable of displaying a 60Hz signal, but rather than switching "modes" to do so, it instead just takes the reduced number of lines from a 60Hz/NTSC signal (480 vs 576 for PAL) and plonks them in the middle of the screen as-is. This means that, in stark contrast to slightly later TVs with marginally better 60Hz compatibility, where switching to 60Hz ensures you get a screen-filling picture and slightly better frame rate with more prominent scanlines, running 60Hz systems and games on my particular TV results in varying degrees of picture squish, ranging from "a bit" to "I never knew the ColecoVision had a 16:9 mode". As such, since I'll be primarily using the MiSTer on this CRT, the optimal experience for me is actually to use 50Hz versions of games.

Thirdly, I feel like to a certain extent, PAL gaming history gets a bit forgotten about. It was quite a challenge to track down EU/PAL-specific ROMsets for each console that I want to run on the MiSTer, but I took the time to do so, and I think it will have been a worthwhile use of my time to do so. A lot of complete ROMsets archived online these days are US-centric, and, sure, the 60Hz NTSC versions of games may, in most cases, be the "best" way to experience these games, but that doesn't mean the PAL experience should be erased from history. In fact, there are several cases where PAL versions of games were substantially different from their North American counterparts, with a great example being the Gex games on PlayStation; the voice of the titular character was completely different between the US and Europe, giving each version a very different feel. Several Gran Turismo titles, too, also had markedly different soundtracks between regions.

So yeah. Outside of a few NTSC-specific things I'm loading on where there was no PAL equivalent (we missed out on a lot of RPGs until the PS2-3 era!) this MiSTer is primarily going to be a celebration of the PAL experience. And I'm really looking forward to this danged copy job being over and done with so I can actually sit down and play with the thing!

Still, this is what I signed up for. I knew it was going to take a while to get everything up and running. It's going to be well worth it when it's done.

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#oneaday Day 443: MiSTer whatchacallem whatcha doin' tonight

So! My MiSTer Multisystem from the lovely folks at Heber and the Retro Collective arrived yesterday, and… I've been spending a lot of time setting it up. This was entirely expected, so I'm not annoyed or anything — though I was a tad surprised that the update_all script took nearly 24 full hours to complete. It's my fault for running it on Wi-Fi in the room that has the weakest Wi-Fi signal in the whole house. I thought before I started, "I wonder if I should do this over Ethernet," and I knew on some level even then that the answer to that was an emphatic "yes", but still.

Anyway, it is done now, and now I have a working, functional MiSTer Multisystem up and running. There's one thing I haven't been able to test thus far, which is analogue connectivity to a CRT TV — it seems the cable I bought to use with the MiSTer isn't quite right, so I have some replacement options arriving tomorrow — but from a very brief play earlier, I'm very impressed so far. While there is plenty of scope for nerdy nerds to get deep into the weeds tinkering with things and trying to "optimise" their experience, after running update_all and installing some games, the whole thing is remarkably straightforward and easy to use, particularly if you're just connecting up to an HDMI display.

On the offchance you don't know what a MiSTer Multisystem is, it's… well, it's sort of complicated. MiSTer itself is an open-source project that uses FPGA hardware emulation to recreate the experience of using classic computer and gaming hardware. It is different from software emulation for reasons I don't entirely understand, but the gist of it is that an FPGA chip can be reconfigured by issuing it commands, and in doing so you can make an extremely accurate simulation of a physical piece of electronic hardware. The upshot of it is that FPGA emulation has the potential to be much smoother and more authentic to the original experience than software emulation is.

The MiSTer Multisystem — or, to be more accurate, the MiSTer Multisystem 2, which is what I've got — is an attempt to make MiSTer more accessible. For many MiSTer users, putting together a MiSTer system involved getting a DE-10 Nano little computer-on-a-board thing, plus some I/O boards, putting them altogether in a stack and then installing the software on an SD card. As hardware projects go, it's not especially complicated or super-expensive, but there was definitely a market for a more "consolised" experience. MiSTer Multisystem 2 takes all the pain out of the actual hardware side of things in that it's a ready-to-go console available in both digital (HDMI) only or digital-and-analogue (HDMI plus VGA and/or SCART) forms. The whole thing is pre-assembled, no need to build anything, and it's also not reliant on the DE-10 Nano, either, which can sometimes be tricky or expensive to track down.

You still have to set the software side of things up yourself, though this is made pretty straightforward through the aforementioned update_all script, which connects to the Internet and downloads pretty much everything you need apart from the actual games themselves — and even then, it will even download the arcade games that the MiSTer's various "cores" support, so once you've run it, you'll have things to play, ready to go, even if you don't add any of your own ROMs and disc images to the system.

MiSTer itself is modular and expandable, and so too is the Multisystem 2. A cartridge slot allows for the connection of "SNAC" (Serial Native Accessory Converter) cartridges, which allow you to plug in original control pads and accessories for a variety of systems, plus the system has 7 USB ports for connecting controllers, keyboards, mice, external storage devices, Wi-Fi dongles and any other gubbins that might be useful. There are also some slots inside the system itself, accessible by removing the special flaps at the side, though exactly what those are used for is not yet known.

But anyway! Once you're up and running, you pick something from the main menu to play, the "core" for the device the system is emulating will boot up, and then you're away. Some excellent video options allow for some quite convincing CRT emulation on HDMI displays, and if you have a model that supports analogue video output, you should be able to just plug in an RGB SCART cable and connect to a suitable display. I'm hoping to take advantage of that side of things when my new cables arrive tomorrow.

I have a lot of games still to transfer to the system, but I think I've earned a bit of a play for the rest of this evening. Hopefully by the end of tomorrow I'll have this thing up and running and ready for a whole heap of fun!

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#oneaday Day 442: Munchings and crunchings

After listening to Danny from Game Grumps play Sierra's The Black Cauldron game while falling asleep the other evening, I decided that it was high time to do something I've been meaning to do for… probably several decades at this point, which is to actually read Lloyd Alexander's The Chronicles of Prydain, the books The Black Cauldron is based on. (I've still never seen the Disney movie either, for that matter, but I did collect several of the plastic figures you got free in boxes of Corn Flakes back in the day! The Horned King made a great Chaos Sorcerer for Advanced Heroquest.)

Thus far I'm about 75% through The Book of Three, the first in the series, and I am really enjoying it. Really enjoying it. Like, "wish I'd read this much earlier in my life" enjoying it. I'm finding it kind of fascinating quite how differently it is unfolding from The Black Cauldron game — which I'm sure was partly out of technological limitations necessitating a simpler narrative, and partly out of the Disney movie almost certainly diverging from the source material somewhat — but yeah. Really enjoying it.

As someone with a major soft spot for spunky princess characters (see: Mandra from Blade of the Poisoner, Ce'Nedra from The Belgariad/The Malloreon) I am absolutely a thousand per cent in love with Eilonwy, who has some of the most formidable sass I think I've ever seen committed to paper. The fact that she consistently delivers some truly wonderful withering lines at the expense of our protagonist, Taran, while being incredibly well-spoken the whole time is just… ah, man. I live for it. Absolutely live for it.

But anyway, it's entirely possible that you, dear reader, are unfamiliar with either The Black Cauldron of The Chronicles of Prydain in general, so here's the gist.

We join the story in Caer Dallben, a peaceful little farm seemingly in the middle of nowhere, where nothing ever happens — but with a slight air of mystery around it due to the fact its master is a man of nearly four hundred years in age who is in possession of a magical tome known as The Book of Three.

Taran, an orphan boy on the cusp on manhood who helps out around Caer Dallben, is discontent with this simple life, and wishes to know more of the world. After successfully being granted the rank of Assistant Pig-Keeper to the oracular pig Hen Wen — and after having burnt his fingers attempting to consult the magical Book of Three against Dallben's wishes — finds himself forced to set out on a journey when the aforementioned Hen Wen escapes following some grim omens.

The Book of Three follows Taran's journey to track down Hen Wen, during which he encounters several thoroughly interesting companions — including the warrior-prince Gwydion, the subservient and obsequious man-beast Gurgi, the bard-king Fflewdur Fflam and the aforementioned Eilonwy — and learns a lot more of the peril facing the world. The setting's great evil is positioned as Arawn, lord of the lands of the dead, but the more immediate threat is the Horned King, a frightening figure who roams the land in search of conquest — and, it seems, Hen Wen.

For context, The Black Cauldron game has none of this — at least, not in the exact same form. The game opens with Taran feeding Hen Wen, then her having a vision of the Horned King, then Taran being tasked with taking her to a safe haven with the Fair Folk to keep her safe from harm. Along the way, he encounters several of the characters introduced in The Book of Three, but in somewhat different contexts. This doesn't make the game a bad adaptation — as I say, for all I know, it's entirely possible that the Disney movie also played this fast and loose with the narrative, since I haven't seen it — but it is interesting to have all this additional context.

So anyway, yes. I am really enjoying The Chronicles of Prydain so far, and I will be moving straigh on to the other four books in the series once I've finished The Book of Three. Which will be pretty soon at the rate I'm going!

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#oneaday Day 441: Is it actually impossible to recommend things to anyone any more?

I can't remember the last time I successfully recommended something to someone. Be it TV show, movie (not that I really watch movies any more), music or video game, it seems inordinately difficult to get anyone to give a shit about something you might feel quite passionately about — even if you're close with the person you're attempting to recommend something to.

I say this in the light of online Discourse™ right now being taken up almost entirely by breathless ejaculations in the direction of Hollow Knight: Silksong, which apparently now has a release date and everybody (except me) is enormously excited about to the exclusion of pretty much anything else in existence.

I've talked before, I think, about the phenomenon of "inverse hype", where the more something is talked up and talked up and talked up, the less I give a shit about it. It's happened with numerous things over the years for me: Star Wars, Mass Effect (I've still never even touched the third one despite quite enjoying the first two), Undertale (which I have since played and enjoyed) and now — and for the last seven years — Hollow Knight: Silksong.

It's the Internet's fault, of course. The seven-year long "joke" of responding to literally every video game announcement or livestream with "silksong when" quickly wore out its welcome and then proceeded to continue for nearly a decade. It's been so long now that I feel active antipathy towards Hollow Knight as a whole, despite it being a type of game I would typically rather enjoy. I don't want anything to do with Hollow Knight precisely because people will not shut the fuck up about it.

And part of that not shutting the fuck up also includes closing one's ears to any alternative possibilities. Already other developers are (perhaps wisely) moving their release dates so they don't "overlap" with Silksong when it eventually releases in early September.

The problem exemplified by Silksong, I think, is that apparently "The Community", whatever that actually means, is only capable of Giving A Shit about one Thing at a time. That Thing changes from moment to moment, but it's always something that has, for one reason or another, had both a lot of blanket coverage and a lot of speculation about it. And while that Thing is the Thing Of The Moment, no-one has any time whatsoever to even contemplate that other Things might exist, because if you're not "part of the conversation" while Thing is Thing Of The Moment, you might as well just kill yourself, you stupid, pointless, irrelevance, you.

It's probably a personal failing to be frustrated and resentful of this, but I've never really operated that way. There's the occasional thing that I enjoy jumping on board with to enjoy at the same time as everyone else — the last two were Mario Kart World and Donkey Kong Bananza — but other than that, I typically enjoy things at my own pace, sometimes a very long time after they were initially released. This often means that I "discover" something when it's outside of the mainstream public consciousness — if it was ever there in the first place, which in many cases for the things I personally enjoy, it wasn't.

Unfortunately, that lack of blanket coverage and generally mainstream "approval" is seemingly crucial for a lot of people, so if you recommend something that the person you're making the recommendation to hasn't heard of, typically, I find, you'll be dismissed or even ignored.

I suspect this ties in with the "well, why would I waste my time with a 65/100 game when I could be playing nothing but 95/100 games?" I'm sure many of you know my answer to this already — it's because the 65/100 games are, in many cases, more interesting and creative than the 95/100 games, and also because slapping numerical ratings on something unquantifiable is stupid. But too many times I've encountered the "well I read a review once that didn't like it" response to a personal recommendation — which I made because I knew the thing I was recommending would particularly appeal to the person I was recommending it to, if they'd give it a chance — and, at this point, it's just getting far too annoying to even attempt recommending anything any more.

The real problem at the heart of all this is doubtless that there are too many Things. The implication behind the "why should I waste my time with a 65/100 game" question is that an individual has a finite amount of time, and that time is somehow "wasted" if it is not spent "optimally", even if that time is being spent engaging with something that is entertaining, artistic, enriching. And "optimal" to a lot of people today means the mistaken assumption of the "objectively best" thing — a concept which doesn't actually exist.

Right now, while polishing off Donkey Kong Bananza, I'm also playing through Mystery Detective Archives: Rain Code, a game which came out in 2023. I'm willing to bet that I'm probably the only person playing that game right now, because two years ago might as well be the Dark Ages for some people.

Sigh. This really isn't worth getting worked up over, I know. It's just frustrating when you try and start a conversation and you feel like you're continually confronted with a blank wall with "silksong when" scrawled on it in crayon.

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#oneaday Day 440: eBooks are a good

Considering my predilection for collecting physical releases of video games, I'm kind of surprised at myself with how readily I took up eBooks in favour of a physical library of books. I still have some physical books — mostly nice "coffee table" ones like the Bitmap Books stuff, plus a number from my childhood that hold sentimental value — but over the years, a huge pile of books I used to own have ended up in the book banks or charity shops. Some of them I've replaced with electronic versions; some I haven't. At this point, there are some books I've only ever owned as eBooks.

I enjoy reading; always have done. I grew up being supported and encouraged by my parents to read, and quickly established a "reading age" well ahead of where I was "supposed" to be at any given point in primary school. I vividly recall spending time reading books from the Ginn 360 Reading Scheme that were much higher in "level" than those of my peers, and being given special "reading comprehension" tests further up the school to test that my proficiency with reading was, in fact, the real deal. (It was.)

I had a lot of books at home, too. I collected the Roald Dahl books for quite a while, and read many of them repeatedly — including the two volumes of his autobiography, which were much more challenging than his work that was explicitly for children. I remember reading the Chronicles of Narnia books. Blade of the Poisoner, of course. Enid Blyton books. Choose Your Own Adventure books. All manner of different things — including some quite challenging titles as I grew older, like the complete Sherlock Holmes stories, recreated as they originally appeared in the Strand magazine, but slightly smaller and thus in obscenely tiny print. Bram Stoker's Dracula. The works of H.P. Lovecraft.

At secondary school, by the time I got to GCSE and A-levels, I was getting extra assignments in English Literature classes encouraging me to read beyond the standard syllabus. (I wasn't thrilled at having to read more John Steinbeck — Cannery Row, as I recall — after having just suffered through Of Mice and Men, but being pleased at being singled out for praise and attention by my teacher counterbalanced that somewhat.) At university, I enjoyed reading some of the books we were assigned, but found myself bouncing hard off anything that involved what I still regard as the "absolute bollocks end of philosophy".

As most of us do, once I was past compulsory education, my rate of reading for pleasure slowed somewhat, but I still enjoyed the odd novel here and there. But I moved house a lot over the course of the years between starting university and getting to a point where I felt vaguely "settled", and moving a big pile of books every time was getting increasingly tiresome. So, eventually, over time, I gradually shed those books, making sure they went to what was hopefully a good home rather than just throwing them in the bin. While I wasn't especially attached to the books themselves as collectibles, I at least wanted to show them the respect of passing them on to someone else rather than discarding them. To me, a book had meaning and value, and even if you didn't want it any more, someone else might still get some pleasure from it.

I can't remember when I got my first Kindle offhand. To my shame, I didn't use it all that much, and I felt a fair bit of guilt about that. A good few years later, I upgraded the Kindle I didn't use all that much to a newer Paperwhite model with a built-in light, and found myself reading a whole lot more. Even more recently, I splurged on a Kindle Scribe, primarily for its "endless notepaper" facility and lovely electronic pencil, but was pleased to discover that the Scribe's form factor is great for reading manga.

Now, while I don't read every single day, I wouldn't want to be without some form of e-reader. I know folks quite rightly have mixed opinions about anything Amazon related, and I don't begrudge them that. Not only that, but Amazon (and the Kindle store) is becoming increasingly filled with AI-generated slop, making "just browsing" for something new to read more of a pain. But if you have at the very least a rough idea of what you might want to read, it's hard to beat the experience of being able to look something up, hit the "buy" button and be reading it a moment later.

I'm honestly not really sure why I'm 100% fine with this when it comes to books, but much more precious about wanting to keep physical releases of video games. Both are essentially "collectible" in the same way, but I guess at some point my brain has just decided that for me, it's the contents of the book that is the most important thing, whereas with video games, the physical package and the tactile feeling of putting in a disc or cartridge is as important a part of experiencing the thing as it is actually seeing the thing on the television and interacting with it.

I suppose it doesn't really matter. I don't have room for a library of books and a library of video games in my house, and the video games have, to date, won. But that doesn't mean my Kindle library isn't bulging with cool and interesting things to read! Now, I just need to pick what I'm going to read when we go on holiday, because that seems like some prime reading time.

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#oneaday Day 439: Parallel dimension

A recent post over on WIRED begged the question "OpenAI is poised to become the most valuable startup ever. Should it be?" Leaving aside the obvious Betteridge's Law commentary for a moment, the actual content of this article was utterly baffling.

OpenAI claims it is worth $500 billion. We've heard this a lot of times over the last few months, and everyone seems to sort of have accepted it as the "truth". And yet there's this in the article:

[An anonymous OpenAI investor] argues that the math for investing at the $500 billion valuation is straightforward: Hypothetically, if ChatGPT hits 2 billion users and monetizes at $5 per user per month — "half the rate of things like Google or Facebook" — that's $120 billion in annual revenue.

"That alone would support a trillion-and-a-half dollar company, which is a pretty good return, just thinking about ChatGPT," the investor says.

Except that "math" isn't "straightforward" at all, is it? In fact, I would go so far as to say that it isn't "math" at all, because all of it, all of it, is complete fantasyland nonsense plucked out of the arse of a particularly flatulent ogre, then mindlessly parroted by breathless idiots who think spicy autocorrect is in any way a substitute for the most bare minimum of interpersonal interactions.

Look at it. Two billion users. That's a significant portion of the planet, and it's only very few services — likely Google and Facebook among them — that can count that many user accounts on their books, let alone active users, which is what this nonsense is actually talking about. For context, ChatGPT, at present, continually reports somewhere in the region of 300 million weekly users. That's a lot, sure, but an overwhelming proportion of those are people who are not paying for the service and just using it to burn down a forest or two for a picture of Garfield with tits.

To put it another way, assuming that not only are two billion active users going to magically appear from nowhere, but that every single one of them is going to pay $5 a month to use the lake-boiling plagiarism machine that loses OpenAI money on every paying user already, is patent nonsense.

It is, right?

It is, yes?

I know nothing about economics or business, and I feel like I can see beyond any shadow of a doubt whatsoever that this is an absolute absurdity. Couple that with OpenAI's Sam Altman making incredibly stupid comments like "building a Dyson sphere around the whole solar system" just so we have enough space for all the data centres these two billion imaginary users will need to use their equally imaginary $5 ChatGPT subscriptions, and I'm just left feeling like at some point between COVID and now I've crossed over from a dimension where things make sense into one where they just… don't.

Are we really living in a world where a company's valuation is determined based on completely imaginary figures? Well, I guess it makes sense when they have a completely imaginary product, too. Nearly half a decade into this nonsense and there are still no compelling use cases for the technology for most people — and even the most sweaty AI apologists are obliged to admit that yes, the chatbots get things wrong quite a lot of the time.

Microsoft put CoPilot in Excel! You know, the software you use when you want accurate data analysis and calculations! They added it with the disclaimer that it "might be wrong" and that it "shouldn't be relied on for high-risk situations". Like, you know, pretty much fucking anything you might use Excel for in a business situation.

What are we doing? What are we doing? And WHY?! ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

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#oneaday Day 438: Increasingly glad I kept this place

If you breathe as many Internet fumes as I do on a daily basis, you are probably aware of the ongoing campaigns against Visa, Mastercard, PayPal and Stripe deciding that they are the arbiters of good taste, and causing big problems for anyone producing any sort of creative work that is even remotely sex-adjacent. I wrote a bit about the early days of what was going on here, but things have continued to escalate since I wrote that, and there are plenty of other people who can do a much better job than I can on reporting the ongoing saga.

An especially worrying development is that Patreon, long regarded as the "standard" for those who wish to financially support their favourite creatives on an ongoing basis, has started stepping up its intolerance of what it regards as "sexually gratifying media". This language is very deliberate, because it mirrors what payment processors have started to regard as "unacceptable" — despite the fact that, in their role as payment processors, it is absolutely not their place to judge what people are spending their money on.

Add this to the fact that Patreon recently sent around a rather worrying survey relating to generative AI, whose questions basically amounted to "can we pweeeeze steal all your precious content so we can train our AI?", and I am feeling increasingly glad that I have, over the last 17 years, stayed pretty much where I am in terms of my online presence. Sure, social media accounts have come and gone, but between this blog and MoeGamer, I'm feeling increasingly vindicated in keeping "my" parts of the Web mine.

There's a growing move towards (or should I say back towards) this in the form of the "indie Web movement". Honestly, the whole shtick there makes it sound a lot more complicated than it really is — much of the "official" IndieWeb site feels like it was written by Linux nerds… which I guess sort of tracks — because all you really need to carve out a piece of the Internet as your own is some means of hosting your own website, and some means of showcasing your… whatever it is you want to use as a means of expressing yourself.

There are some delightfully creative "indie Web" sites out there, with a lot of people seemingly getting right back into the depths of programming cool interactive things for people to explore, but honestly, the humble blog is all a lot of people need — and those are dead easy to set up, given the number of easily accessible, straightforward to use and often open-source options in that regard. I am, as I have been for the last 17 years, still using WordPress here, and while there are some things I very much do not like about the direction WordPress has taken in the last few years — particularly with regard to shoehorning in the obligatory "generate with AI" crap in several places — the software is still, on the whole, some of the best and most flexible in the business.

The difficulty, of course, is getting people to see your little corner of the Web without social media to promote it. Because it's harder than ever to get noticed on social media — and Search Engine Optimisation (SEO) isn't much help, either. Not only because Google sucks now. Not only because a lot of search engines are pushing AI hard — and in the process discouraging people leaving the search site to go and visit individual websites. But also because heavily SEO'd text sucks to such a degree that it's almost as much of a waste of time as flat-out AI-generated text.

The answer, of course, is just to not really care. I don't. The value for me in writing on here and on MoeGamer is in having a place for me to just write. Sometimes people show up to read what I've written, and that's often (though not always) nice. But that's not why I do this. I'm not trying to be famous or some great authority on any subject. I am, as the header of this site says, just a nobody trying to make my way in an increasingly fucked-up world, and getting some thoughts out of my head onto the virtual page helps me to process things. A bit. I can say pretty much what I want here, within reason. And so I do.

I shan't pretend I don't still fall into pits of soul-sucking despair and depression, particularly when I'm feeling as burnt out as I do right now. But without this outlet, this safe place for myself, this little corner of the Internet that is my online home, more than any other social media profile page ever has been, I shudder to think what state I'd be in.

So yes. I am glad I have stuck with this place, and I will continue to stick with it for as long as it is practical to do so.

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