#oneaday Day 865: Earnestness is neither cringe nor cheesy

I've run into a few creative works recently that were evidently put together with a great deal of earnestness, genuine thought and emotion. And people like them! But, more often than not, not without including some sort of "disclaimer".

Said disclaimer is usually some form of admission that "I know this is cheesy, but…" or "yes, this might be cringe, but…" before going on to give a genuine emotional response. For some people, it is seemingly difficult to just give that emotional response without feeling the need to justify it or explain it away.

Well, I'd like to say: own it! If you got hit in the feelings by something, that's okay! If you had an emotional reaction to something that was so strong it reduced you to a sobbing wreck, that's fine! That's good! You have a healthy relationship with your own emotions, and you are not afraid to express them!

I say this as someone who listened to this track from Ace Combat 8 earlier (which I knew the full narrative context of, having beaten the game a couple of days ago) and burst into full-on sobbing at it by the midpoint. Like, I was legitimately crying so hard I had to stop everything else I was doing.

If your immediate response to that is "wow, that's cheesy" or "I can't believe you admitted that", stop. Take a minute. Ponder why you are thinking that. Are you concerned about what other people might think of you if you exhibit some sort of vulnerability? Because that's not something you need to concern yourself with — particularly if you are sitting by yourself.

It's okay to have an emotional response to something. It's okay to have a physiological reaction to that emotional response. You aren't faulty. You aren't broken. You are being human — something it can sometimes feel like we are, in may ways, being discouraged from by the daily algorithmic bombardment from social media.

Sometimes those emotional responses can come from the strangest places — like the funny plane game.

Or perhaps a song developed by a father, based on the near-gibberish his young daughter writes as "stories":

My immediate response to this was just "aw, that's cute and adorable… and surprisingly well-produced for what is essentially a silly joke video". I won't lie, I listened to it multiple times in succession for its pure catchiness.

Then I read the comments to the "Living Room version" of the song (actually just the song with an animation rather than the vertical video of the chap singing). And the emotions hit me, hard.

Y'see, if you haven't listened to the song, the end part features the repeated motif that "everything all fell down, but he picked it up". In the context of the original story and lyrics, it's a silly moment; the main character, the "Little Tall Prince", dropped a cup in the grocery store which caused everything to fall over, so, being a good little prince, he picked it up. Simple, silly, right?

Except human beings have the tendency to ascribe meaning to things where it might not have been the original intent, but it most certainly fits. That video has comment after comment of people expressing the sincere hope that "we can pick it up" — that we can fix the world after "everything all fell down" over the course of the last few years or so.

The world is broken. Peoples' souls are broken. And they want nothing more than to begin the healing process. Little moments like this song give just a glimpse of a world we once knew; one where we could have hope for the future and not find ourselves continually enraged and saddened by the latest stupid, wasteful, obnoxious, tragic, violent, unjust things happening on a daily basis. Hope for the future, through the eyes of a child.

I saw the number of people expressing this sincere hope, completely earnestly, and it hit me right in the heart. I'm not too proud to admit that I shed a few more tears there. And listened to the song a good few more times.

I want to believe that we can pick it up. I want to believe that we can come together in a Song of Wings as one. It is not cringe, embarrassing or cheesy to think such things. Take a moment and have a good cry over something today. I can't guarantee you will necessarily feel better, but you will almost certainly feel some relief at having let out emotions that have probably been pent up within you for a long time.

That's what I felt after putting my own emotions through the wringer over the last couple of days. Sometimes self-care is just about allowing yourself to feel.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 851: Abandon ship?

Earlier today, the thoroughly lovely Quest 64 Official account on Bluesky (actually, in their own words, an account that has "spent nearly a decade attempting to rehab the way people view Quest 64/games in general", which is a sentiment I am 100% on board with) expressed frustration over a YouTube video they had seen cross their feed, which promised "12 longest N64 games that will take forever to beat!"

Now, that might not sound like a particularly offensive topic for a video, and it arguably isn't — even if it is both clichéd and clickbaity. What was offensive was… well, it was a lot of things. The video's thumbnail, which showed an obvious AI-generated approximation of Quest 64 rather than an actual screenshot. The fact Quest 64 was the poster boy for this topic in the first place (Quest 64 is approximately 12 hours long, which is very short by RPG standards). The fact that the channel, "Retro Pocket", very obviously uses an AI-generated logo — and thus it is not unreasonable to assume that the entire video may well be AI-generated.

"Now I have to not only fight the past," Quest said, "but future AI misinformation. It's becoming increasingly clear my Internet days are numbered, sadly." He went on to criticise the growing "Claudepuke" scene in the recompilation and modding scenes — something which has driven me to despair of late also.

The thing that made me most sad about this — and I feel sad and angry about all of it, make no mistake — is the fact that a person as thoroughly admirable and pleasant as Quest is should have to feel this way; like his contributions to online culture are no longer welcome, appreciated or worthwhile continuing with. I say this as someone who both follows the Quest 64 Official account, and has casually chatted with the person behind the account outside the context of public-facing social media: we need more people like this, not fewer.

It makes me sad, because I get it. As someone who still runs both a personal blog and an enthusiast, non-commercial video game website, I am a relic of a past age. I refuse to engage with short-form vertical video because I fucking hate it as a medium. I am tired of clickbait, AI slop, YouTubers covering the same few topics over and over again (I tried everything by BRAND! Testing VIRAL TIKTOK recipes! I bought AI SLOP PRODUCTS!) and headlines that refuse to name the proper noun that is the subject of the story. And yet with each passing day, I feel more and more like I cannot escape any of those things. I feel more and more like I am not welcome on an Internet I was once excited to be a part of. That offline existence feels increasingly appealing.

And yet I don't want to give up. I still remember that wide-eyed wonderment that my whole family had when we were first looking at Web pages in a crash-prone copy of Mosaic when CompuServe first added access to the broader Internet. I still remember the first time we ordered something online. I still remember the first time I chatted to someone online and formed a genuine friendship as a result. I refuse to accept that Internet is completely gone.

I feel like those of us who have been online since the beginning (or the beginning of it being relatively "mainstream", anyway) have just as much right to exist on the Internet as those who are systematically destroying everything that used to be great about it. In fact, if I'm honest, I feel like we have more right to exist than those who are systematically destroying everything that used to be great about it. I would be sad to see Quest 64 Official stop posting. I would be elated to never see anything from Sam Altman, Wario Amodei, Mark Zuckerberg and their ilk ever again.

But I don't know what to do, other than to stubbornly Keep Posting. To keep writing this silly little personal blog here, to keep penning my in-depth thoughts about video games I've played, and to steadfastly refuse to get on board with technological trends that are actively, demonstrably harmful to the concept of "culture" in general. To prove that there is still a place for The Old Internet.

So that's all I can do, really. Just Keep Posting. I refuse to let the fuckheads win. I will, hopefully, still be here when all the AI companies collapse and the world endures a hitherto unprecedented financial crisis that brings the very concept of capitalism to complete ruin. And I will be laughing. And probably crying a bit. But mostly laughing.

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#oneaday Day 847: Skeletons

I've been following this Jacob Geller business with mild interest. I have no particular "horse in the race", as it were, as I don't really know who he is, haven't watched any of his videos and don't own his book(s), but it's clear that his work meant a lot to people and thus, the recent revelations about him have genuinely hurt those people.

If you haven't been following this, Jacob Geller is a video essayist who apparently does some good things about video games. As I say, I've never watched his stuff (and am probably not going to now) but, prior to all this, he seemed to have a pretty solid reputation as being a decent human being. Progressive, even. Now, of course, that trust has been broken; in a statement he put out yesterday, Geller noted that the whole situation is "the biggest regret of his life", but regardless of those regrets and what he has done since that time, to a lot of people — particularly his biggest fans — that past indiscretion is a permanent blot on the copybook.

And I'm not even saying that's wrong. Sexual assault is, of course, no laughing matter, and for it to get as far as the victim invoking "Title IX" (whatever that is, I don't know American law for obvious reasons) means that it must have been pretty serious. It's entirely understandable that, even though that offence took place many years ago at this point, some people simply cannot trust this person ever again.

What I find myself wondering is how this keeps happening. I feel like for the last few years, we've seen a steady stream of people who build up a following and a fanbase in the public eye online, only for it to come out that, at some point in their past, they were a despicable human being and may or may not, in fact, actually still be one, despite the front that they've been putting up to the world. And every time it happens I just wonder: what happened to these people? How did their life end up that way?

Perhaps it's a personality type thing: the person who is likely to find success at YouTube and streaming in 2026 is also the type of person who is likely to have sexually assaulted someone ten years ago. I don't really think that's true. I know people personally who have been doing YouTube for that long and, to my knowledge, none of them has ever done anything like that. I guess that's always the point in these kinds of situations, though; you never really know until something comes out about them.

Does that mean everyone should be looked on with mistrust? Of course not; that's no way to live. But I don't blame people for being wary at this point. It's happened too many times.

I think in my case I'm just confused because everything about all this is just a completely alien concept to me. I'm not saying this in a self-aggrandising "look at me, I'm a wonderful person" sort of way; I just mean that the very idea of treating another human being with such a lack of respect is so utterly unthinkable to me that I simply cannot imagine how people like this ended up doing what they did. But it only takes one lapse of judgement to bring a career to an end — those consequences might not be for ten years or more, as we've seen here, but it seems they are pretty likely to catch up with them eventually.

Perhaps it's for the best that I've always been riddled with social anxiety and have thus led quite a straightforward, normal and boring life. If nothing else, it means that Past Me has never been in a position to acquire any skeletons in his closet. And I'm glad about that. Not because I have any particular designs on Internet Fame or anything, despite the amount of stuff I post publicly. But because it means I can continue existing with a clear conscience.

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#oneaday Day 819: Comments sections are self-harm

"Don't read the comments. Never read the comments." It's one of the most enduring pieces of advice on the Internet, and it's always been sound advice. And I've always thought that to be a bit of a shame.

Well, let me qualify that somewhat: you shouldn't read the comments on public-facing, commercial sites. If you have successfully cultivated your own pleasant little community in your own comments section, you absolutely should not feel bad about reading your comments and continuing to encourage that sort of behaviour. You might even find yourself forming some genuine friendships.

Comments that are open to the broader Internet, though. No. Just… don't. Do yourself a favour, because wading in there is going to make you feel worse. You know that, I know that. And yet still we both do it, even though we both know, at this point, that it is a form of mental self-harm.

There's a website that I enjoy reading, which I won't name because I think it's a bit mean to draw attention to them for having a shitty comments section. But… well, they have a really shitty comments section, and it's immensely frustrating, because the subject matter of the site is something that I would like to engage with other people over! I would like to get to know more people who are into the same things I am into!

And yet, unfortunately, it seems that the subject matter in question — it's retro gaming, I might as well say it — attracts some of the most unpleasant people out there. I already knew this to a certain extent, with the amount of drama that often surrounds the retro YouTuber sector in particular, but it's frustrating that there can't just be a nice place for people who are interested in retro gaming to hang out without a variety of dipshits coming in and stinking the place up with some truly foul opinions.

I mean, come on. We're talking about a site focusing on retro gaming where one guy in the comments decided that A Really Cool Thing To Do would be to go off on one about how much he thought CRTs were shit, and how everyone who enjoyed using CRTs for their retro consoles were idiots, and how anyone disagreeing with him was a shithead and wrong. Come on, man. Know your audience. What sort of response were you expecting when you pulled something like that out of your arse?

Unfortunately, I know the answer to that: they did know their audience; they wanted to start conflict. They wanted to start arguments and make other people's lives miserable, even in one of the places where they should be able to feel like they can just enjoy their hobbies and interests. People like this have always been around, for as long as "Going Online" has been a thing. They get some sort of perverse gratification from it. And somehow, we can't look away, even though we know it hurts us to do so — and hurts even more if we rise to the bait and respond to these dickheads.

So yeah. Do yourself a favour and don't read the comments. There are better places to build a community over common interests than the comments section of a public-facing website. Although if you happen to find any relating to retro gaming, do let me know…?

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#oneaday Day 802: However bad you think Twitter is now, it's worse

Earlier today, Aftermath posted a review of Half is More, a new manga that explores the life of mixed-race characters in Japan. It sounds like an interesting read, and I may well pick it up — the last manga I read that was designed around the idea of sensitively exploring the life of someone who exists outside perceived cultural "defaults" was Love Me For Who I Am, and I feel like I really learned something worthwhile from reading that entire series. I get a similar vibe from this work.

As part of Aftermath's article, reviewer Isaiah Colbert remarked that the manga had had its "announcement treated like a Klan rally in the comments and quote-retweets of its English localization on Twitter". I was, sadly, unsurprised to hear this. But I'm not entirely sure why I did what I did next.

I found an old, defunct Twitter account that I once had that is still active, and I logged into Twitter to have a look. I haven't even looked at Twitter for months at this point; even while I was doing social media for the day job, I spent as little time on there as possible. The whole place just had seriously bad vibes for quite some time now, but I didn't stick around to find out quite how bad. And part of the reason I deliberately stepped away from social media for my work at the day job is because I didn't want to expose myself to that crap at all, let alone "any more than necessary".

Today, I confirmed: things are bad. They're real bad. We're talking blatant, unashamed, absolutely fucking disgusting racism, without even any attempts at plausible deniability. We're talking racist slurs in response to the post; we're talking edits of the cover image to turn it into a racist caricature; we're talking, inexplicably, a lot of antisemitism.

I feel like it takes a fair amount to shock me these days, given how many years I have breathed Internet fumes for, but today I was genuinely taken aback and disgusted by what that site has become. I have no regrets about jumping ship long before it got this bad — and now I have a complete understanding of anyone who has harsh words for those who stick around on the site at all.

The entire place has become a free-for-all cesspit filled with the absolute worst dregs of humanity, all of them feeling safe in the knowledge that they will see zero repercussions for their foul behaviour. Indeed, in the quote-tweets thread for the post in question, one user noted that they reported one of the racist caricatures to Twitter's laughable "safety" department, and got told that the post had, somehow, not broken any rules. At this point I'm not entirely sure Twitter has a safety department any more; there's a non-zero chance that a lot of moderation is left up to Grok, and given that Grok has proven itself to be quite happy to produce child sexual abuse material with minimal encouragement, that makes me feel like it's probably not going to be a good judge of whether something is racist or not.

It's kind of incredible how this has happened. Twitter was once, genuinely, the "town square" of the Internet. It was the "default" social media app for everything. TV shows had official hashtags. Brands had active presences. People actively wanted to be on there to be part of the conversation. And while it's always had its issues and its bad actors, for the most part the truly odious individuals were corralled off into their own little corners rather than being people you will almost definitely run into if you poke your head in there for more than five minutes.

It is no longer a safe place to hang out online. Everything that has happened on that site in the last few years has corrupted it into an utterly disgusting shadow of its former self. And Musk still wants to make it "The Everything App"? He wants people to trust a site like that with their money?

I don't know why I looked at Twitter tonight. I had no need to. But I guess I was curious quite how bad it had actually gotten since I last looked a long time ago; whether the things people had said about it were real, or if they were exaggerations.

They were not exaggerations. Get off that fucking platform if you're still on it.

And no, I will not call it "X".

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#oneaday Day 799: The exhausting town square

Social media was often positioned to us as being like a "global town square", where people from all walks of life and backgrounds could come together and argue about who was the best girl in Evangelion. Over time, I think we can say that experiment… hasn't exactly worked quite as intended.

I mean, sure. I won't deny that my various dalliances with social media — particularly the "public-facing" kind such as Twitter (as it was before… what it is now) and Bluesky — have exposed me to people I might not have otherwise had the opportunity to get to know, and even allowed me to make some friends… I think, anyway.

But sometimes I find myself wondering if there's a reason I might not have come into contact with certain types of people were it not for the "global town square" nature of public-facing social media. I am starting to feel, looking at my Bluesky feed, like I felt when I first fell out of love with Twitter. It feels less about the conversation, sharing and making new friends, and more about performatively saying the right things in order to ensure that you are seen as a "good person" with the "correct" opinions. And I'm really fuckin' tired of that shit.

I won't go into specific examples right now, because that will date this post immediately — plus I'm not altogether keen in getting embroiled in the current "discussions", however indirectly — but suffice it to say for the moment that as soon as you start feeling genuine trepidation about saying certain things, lest the Mob pounce on you for something you might not have actually intended from what you said, then that's the time you should probably start thinking about how you are using social media, and how you might be able to make it better for yourself.

The simple answer is, of course, mute, unfollow or even block the people who are making you feel that way. On Bluesky in particular, the "nuclear block" function means that it is hard (though not impossible) for anyone you have blocked to check up on what you are saying. But on the other hand, I feel like blocking sends a certain message that perhaps isn't exactly what you intend; there's an inherent message of disapproval to it that might not be what you want to say; the same is true for unfollowing, to an arguably slightly lesser extent.

Probably the subtlest approach you can take is just to mute someone who is irritating you, but who you don't particularly want to send that message of disapproval to by blocking them. No-one knows when you've muted them, and you don't see their posts come up in your feed; you may, however, see that there have been posts from accounts you have muted, and the temptation is always to click that thing to see exactly what people have been saying. It's rarely anything worthwhile, and yet still we click. We always must click.

The trouble I find is that a lot of the absolute most insufferable people on social media are also people that I originally followed because I'm interested in the thing that their account suggested was their main interest! But at some point you have to ask the question: "am I still following this person out of a sense of obligation or the increasingly vain hope that they will post about the thing I followed them for, or because I want to see what they are actually posting on an hourly basis?" If the answer is the former, unfollowing or muting them is probably a good idea. Particularly if they aren't following you, in which case they probably won't even notice your absence.

But then that can, itself, be a bit disheartening. It can sometimes be frustrating to post something that I've worked hard on over on Bluesky and it seemingly pass by completely unnoticed, and then post some inane throwaway reply to someone about AI boosters being garbage people and get non-stop notifications of people liking and reposting that ultimately meaningless message for the next three days.

I think I'm just not built for social media. But, paradoxically, it's one of the only means I feel like I have of being able to connect with other people these days. And it sucks that it's that way. The alternative is just being alone, and I don't really want to do that — because I feel like I've proven beyond a doubt over the course of the last few years that if I just disappear quietly, absolutely no-one seems to notice or gives a shit.

And so, ever onward, until the end of time, I Post. Not because I want to, or because I enjoy it, but because I feel like I have to; like that is the only option to prove one's existence.

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#oneaday Day 795: Titties - deal with them

There's been Discourse happening today! Specifically on that strange intersection between the "cosy" and "wholesome" spaces, and weird misogynistic, sexphobic, neo-Puritanical behaviour.

Much has been written by people much smarter than me about how the "cosy" and "wholesome" spaces are actually not all that wholesome at all — and in fact can harbour some of the truly most odious, harmful outlooks on life it's possible to have. Fairly high on this list is the complete unwillingness to be challenged by fiction in any way whatsoever — and I don't even mean "avoids material with complicated and difficult themes that even the most strong-stomached would find uncomfortable"; I mean absolutely completely and utterly unwilling to deal with something perfectly normal on the grounds that it isn't "wholesome" by the exceedingly narrow definition they have inscribed inside their own head.

Here's the post that kicked off the whole discussion today. It apparently hails from a mod for the recently full-released Fields of Mistria that makes a character "SFW" (safe for work).

Screenshot from a "SFW" mod for Fields of Mistria, unattributed, which reads: "YES dude. pls pls pls make a SFW mod for Juniper too. i love this game so much but my autism makes me feel so uncomfortable about her sprites, and they don't really make sense with the otherwise wholesome tone of the game. seems like i'm in the minority for thinking that, but would be awesome if the devs made a "sex sexualized sprites" toggle, or if there was a mod that did that."

To be clear: Fields of Mistria is not a porn game. It is not even an ecchi game — one with mild lewdity that stops short of full-on, explicit nudity or sexual content. These are some characters from Fields of Mistria:

A screenshot from Fields of Mistria showing three pixel art anime-style women, including a tanned woman with pink hair and a low-cut top showing her cleavage, a conservatively dressed blonde, white woman, and a black woman with medium length hair dressed in a somewhat autumnal style.

And this is the specific character the commenter above is getting upset about:

Juniper, a sorceress with dark purple hair. She stands with a hand on her hip and is wearing a cropped top that reveals her cleavage and a sarong-like skirt.

Juniper, a sorceress with dark purple hair. She stands with a hand on her hip and is wearing an elaborate bikini that reveals -- gasp! -- sideboob.

Juniper, a sorceress with dark purple hair. She stands with a hand on her hip and is wearing a black bodysuit with a sheer, partially transparent underlayer. Her cleavage is visible in the plunging neckline of the bodysuit.

Busty? Moderately, but not excessively so. Provocatively dressed? Mildly, but I think we can infer from her facial expression, pose and general demeanour that this is a character that is supposed to be sexy — and moreover, one who is very comfortable with that. This is emphatically not the same as her sprites being "sexual". I know nothing about Fields of Mistria but I can immediately infer the intent behind this character just from looking at these three sprites. And, indeed, her official description backs up pretty much everything I suspected about her — and none of it involves her sexual proclivities:

Juniper is a mysterious sorceress drawn to Mistria when she learns that magical mists and monsters of legend have begun appearing in the area after the recent earthquake. She then starts up a bath house. The bath house is largely a cover for testing her newly empowered potions and spells on the player and other unsuspecting townsfolk, usually resulting in buffs (and occasionally funny accidents)

The crucial thing though? This is not porn. This is not even ecchi levels of provocativeness. (Not that there is anything wrong with either of those things in an appropriate context, anyway!)

This is a character in a fantasy game, dressed in a style that fits with the personality and aesthetic the writers decided that she should have, in the context of the fantasy world. There is nothing offensive about this character unless you specifically choose to make it offensive.

And that is precisely what the commenter above has chosen to do. Not only that — and this really pisses me off — but they have chosen to weaponise autism as their justification for this.

No! You do not get to do that! I am autistic and fuckin' love titties! Your autism has nothing to do with you feeling "uncomfortable about her sprites". And, furthermore, it is the height of fucking disrespect to an artist (and the writers behind that character) to request that a third party deface their artwork so you don't have to confront your inability to process a non-sexual image of a female character that happens to dress in a way that shows a bit of skin.

Go outside! There are people who dress like this! (Maybe not the last one, unless it's a special occasion.) There are people whose bodies look like this! If you go to a swimming pool or beach — shock, horror! — you may even see someone dressed like the image in the middle! If your brain's first response to seeing someone dressed like any of the women above — but particularly the ones with visible cleavage, who may or may not have above-average sized breasts — is to immediately start shouting "I AM THINKING ABOUT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH YOU" and emitting the "awooga" sound from old Tex Avery cartoons via some unknown part of your body, you have a problem!

And, I hate to break this to you, but it is not autism. It is, at its core, an unwillingness to see a woman as anything other than a sexual object for your own potential gratification. You can try and make yourself out to be "wholesome" by very publicly shouting and screaming about how you don't approve of this and how it makes you so uncomfortable and how this lascivious temptation must be removed from your sight, lest you know not what you might do… but in reality you simply have a problem with a woman dressing the way she wants to dress, expressing herself the way she wants to express herself, and, highly likely, not having sex with you.

I will close with a quote on the matter from the Japanese translator, Thomas James:

Shit like this is why I give wholesome games as a movement a constant stink-eye because what that audience often wants isn't relaxed, low stakes fare. They want content with zero intellectual calories that won't challenge them for being emotionally stunted. What a miserably boring way to consume art.

Quite.

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#oneaday Day 751: Read/write access

There are a lot of things I don't like about myself, but one of the things that I have always been rather pleased with is my willingness to engage with the English language. A lot of this stems from being encouraged well at an early age, both by my parents and at school, but also a natural sense of inquisitiveness and curiosity about the use of words and language.

scattered word tiles on black background — Photo by Eleonora Vokueva on Pexels.com

I mention this because I am seeing more and more reports of a "literacy crisis" that appears to be arising, primarily as a result of "BookTok" (i.e. people on the odious short-form video platform TikTok who supposedly talk about books) and "book influencers" (i.e. people on a broader range of primarily video-based social platforms who supposedly talk about books). Most recently, the thing that has come up is some of these people complaining to authors when they come across a word they do not understand — and rather than looking that word up for themselves, using it as an opportunity to learn, they instead throw their toys out of the pram and get very mardy, even going so far as to throw around terms like "ableist". (Fuck off. Your assumption that disabled people can't read is the ableist perspective here.)

This sort of behaviour is absolutely unthinkable and unfathomable to me. I have always loved it when I learn new words, concepts or ways to express myself from things that I've read. There are turns of phrase I picked up as a child that I still use to this day, and I relish the opportunity to make use of a word that I've recently learned.

I am also more than happy to look something up if I'm not sure of it. I actually tend to find this happens more often while I am writing than reading; I'll be tapping out a sentence, and for some reason a particular word that I'm not entirely certain of the definition of will pop into my head as maybe-possibly being appropriate for the situation. Rather than shying away from using that word for fear of appearing stupid by using it incorrectly, I will look it up, determine whether or not it is, in fact, appropriate for the situation in question, and then, if possible, make good use of it. It's not out of a desire to appear "clever" or to baffle the reader with my vast vocabulary; I just find it fun and satisfying to discover new ways in which one can play with language.

I've always been like this. I started reading books that were well ahead of where I was "supposed" to be as a kid, so by the time I got to primary school I was reading things several "Levels" ahead of my peers and taking on considerably more challenging reading comprehension exercises. By the top end of primary school, I was busting out words like "antidisestablishmentarianism" and "floccinaucinihilipilification" in the morning Daily Spellings session in Class Four, and being able to correctly use them in a sentence.

I apparently once also terrified my parents by, one day, aged maybe three or four, coming down the stairs and immediately quoting the beginning of Genesis to them. In this particular instance, it was not a "reading" thing — I hadn't been secretly ploughing through the Bible in between episodes of the Mr. Men — but rather a quotation from a cartoon I had recently watched on video. I guess it's connected, though; I had found the whole "In the beginning…" speech striking, so I wanted to deliver it in my own childish way. That's still a way of playing with language, just using the spoken word and listening instead of reading and writing.

The concept of "BookTok" makes me angry. It is completely beyond me exactly how anyone thought a community of people who make short-form attention-deficit videos online were ever going to come out with anything particularly worthwhile to say about a medium that rewards taking your time and drinking things in. And the very term "book influencer" makes me bristle. We never should have accepted the marketers' insistence than "influencer" is a valid job description. It's disgustingly dystopian, particularly since "influencer marketing" is now an established part of promoting any sort of product online.

I love language. I love reading, and I love writing. It makes me by turns sad and furious that, in the space of a generation or two, we appear to be losing all respect for the written word. Just the other day, I saw someone online earnestly recommending that anyone who wanted to spend their time talking about a favourite topic should "just become a TikToker" rather than starting a blog. I bit my tongue at the time because I couldn't be arsed to start a fight, but it just made me feel weary more than anything.

What are we doing? It almost feels like a deliberate attempt to siphon all the "culture" out of society, perhaps in an attempt to ensure that none of us step out of line or express any sorts of "dangerous" opinions.

Funny, I think there are a few books about that…

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#oneaday Day 736: The sewage of social media

In the hunt for Oliver, I have been obliged to make use of two sites that I have, up until now, generally avoided using at all costs — those being Facebook and Nextdoor. And my experiences attempting to make use of them now they might actually be useful have not done much to change my mind about them.

pipe with sewage — Photo by Joseph Russo on Pexels.com

Both of them suffer from pretty much the same problems, and both are a result of the now well-documented phenomenon that is enshittification. In fact, it's almost uncanny how similar the two platforms' problems are — with the only real difference being that Nextdoor isn't trying to push AI-generated softcore porn "Reels" at me every five posts.

One of the main problems with both of these sites — and with a lot of other social media sites in general — is their insistence on providing a non-chronological feed of Stuff. Instead, they decide to surface relentless parades of absolute sewage that their mysterious "algorithms" believe are "Relevant" to you. In practice, what this means is that you get bombarded with a bunch of stuff that you don't give a shit about — often repeatedly. And the stuff in question is, more often than not, spam or outright scams.

On Nextdoor, for example, there's a post that is supposedly from an alcoholic person that keeps showing up in my feed despite my having shown no indication of any interest in it. I don't know what the point of the post is and I don't really want to know, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's some form of advertising. Likewise, on Facebook, I'm continually confronted with "Suggested" posts that are very clearly adverts, but positioned in a way that is clearly designed to be incredibly deceptive towards those who aren't particularly Internet-savvy.

Then there's the notifications. Oh, God the notifications. Nextdoor is the worst for this by a significant margin. Given that the only thing I have posted on there is the request for people to look out for Oliver, one might naturally assume that the only notifications I might be interested in would be responses to that post. But no! Here's what my notifications look like as of this evening:

Last 7 days
Chris Peart: I'm fed up with parking, there is no consideration for people who use there drives!

15h
Claire Purdue joined about a km from you.

1d
Susan Coleman: To the irresponsible person who thought it was a good idea to leave a pile of dog poo...

1d

Karen Cousens: Anyone know what's going on with Lordswood Road? There are still signs up saying no...

2d
Emily Love: My brothers 2 cats have not been seen for a few days. Has anyone in the Bryanston...

4d

Beryl Macklin: Bin men just been . My garden bin was full but not over flowing or stuff caught in...

You will notice that none of these posts are anything to do with Oliver. You may also know that none of these posts are from people that I know. I'm not even convinced that they're all from people in the same area as me.

I get the intent behind this shit: the idea of Nextdoor is that it is supposed to build a community of neighbours, and one way of getting neighbours to recognise one another is to stuff them into each others' notifications, whether you want them or not. But this is not useful! The very point of notifications is so that you can get notified when something happens that you have been waiting to hear about! When you're dealing with a stressful situation like losing a pet, the last fucking thing you want is to see a notification pop up, think that someone might have a lead on your precious companion, only to find that it's someone who doesn't know which "there" to use whingeing about bin men or complaining about parking or some other such crap.

I don't have a great deal of faith that either of these sites are going to help us find Oliver. The one vaguely positive thing I can say in Facebook's favour specifically is that members of "lost pet" groups are proactive in resharing people's posts to other groups that you might not have joined yourself. That increases the visibility of your original post and, in theory, makes it more likely that it might cross the path of someone who might be able to help — although that, unfortunately, has not happened as yet.

Still, it's something, at least, and posting on these places is something that I can at least monitor while we're away from the house. It hasn't come to anything as yet, but it only has to come to something once for it to have been worthwhile. So I guess we'll have to wait and see — but I suspect once we get home, it will be back to searching for him ourselves and hoping, wishing, praying for his eventual safe return.

It's our last full day away tomorrow, and that will also mark two weeks since Oliver went missing. I still don't know how to feel, other than sad, upset and frustrated. But in a couple of days' time, we're going to have to at least attempt to move on with our lives as best we can in the meantime, and whatever happens from thereon, happens.

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#oneaday Day 722: Entering the ATmosphere

I read yesterday that several blogging platforms are integrating the "AT protocol" or whatever it's called that powers services like Bluesky and the like, and one of those was WordPress. So today's post is primarily a big ol' test to see whether or not that functionality, implemented via the ATmosphere plugin, actually works, and whether or not it's something I actually want to use.

people holding different devices — Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com. These people are all enjoying my posts. You should, too.

I talked a bit about social media with my therapist yesterday. I discussed how conflicted I feel about existing online right now, what with the emphasis on short-form video and vapid content rather than longer-form, more meaningful material. I'm not saying that the stuff I post here isn't vapid nonsense, of course, but I have always said that I would far rather read someone's vapid nonsense than be delivered it as shouty-face-at-camera content, so this blog continues with that in mind. And if no-one is interested in my vapid nonsense, then at least I still have somewhere to bang out some words and express myself, which is what this has always been about.

Anyway, the kind-of-sort-of conclusion I came to was that at least a minimal presence on social media is somewhat desirable for me, because otherwise I just end up feeling completely isolated. While I enjoyed the total break from all social media, including Bluesky, that I took last year while I was on holiday, I found that I didn't want to maintain it afterwards, as it just left me feeling even more lonely than I already was. And I'm already feeling pretty damn lonely.

Still, the other thing that came to light in yesterday's session is that although I have always kind of feared social interactions and find myself overthinking conversations before I have them — sometimes to the extent that I never actually start the conversation in reality for the fear of coming across as boring or annoying — I am, in many respects, feeling kind of ready to challenge myself in at least attempting to make some new friends, to have some people that I can connect with and, basically, to stop feeling so danged lonely.

The challenge that I have found along the way is not so much initiating those interactions when the opportunity arises — although that is still a somewhat scary prospect for me — but rather finding those opportunities in the first place. I cited an example of when I first went to university and attended a pre-term music course, and I took the uncharacteristically bold step (for me) of introducing myself to someone I was in a lift with while we were transporting ourselves to our respective floors in the tower block where we were staying. That resulted in a longstanding friendship (albeit one that I will hold my hands up and say that I have been very poor at maintaining) and was proof that, as little as I think of myself at times, I can come across as someone that people actually do want to know and are not, in fact, actively repulsed by.

Those opportunities of being "trapped" in a lift with a stranger and the choice being either awkward silence or attempting to clunkily start a conversation just don't really seem to arise these days, though, because I'm never in that sort of situation. I work from home, I don't go out a great deal, I'm not a member of any "groups" or anything (and don't really know how one would go about finding a "group") and I do not have a publicly accessible elevator in my house.

What I am going to at least attempt to do a bit more, though, is to attend some in-person events where I know some people with whom I have at least a casual acquaintance will be attending. My trip to The Cave a few weeks back was a good example, and last year I went to the RetroFest show in Swindon — that is actually happening again this year, but I left it a bit late to organise a trip there. I mean, I could probably snag a ticket and go along tomorrow (today's tickets are sold out), but can I be bothered to do that?

Hmm, can I be bothered to do that…? I might have a think about that throughout the course of today. Swindon is a fairly long way to go, but it might actually be nice to go along and see some interesting things and clever people.

Hmmmmm.

Anyway, today we are going food shopping, so that's fun. Thank you for participating in this experiment of whether or not this thing actually posts correctly to Bluesky via the ATmosphere plugin. If it does, I'll likely hook up MoeGamer proper in the same way. Tatty-bye for now then.

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