1079: It's 2013

Page_1 Welcome to the first day of a new year. Doesn't feel much different, does it? That's because it isn't, really, yet we ascribe such huge importance to the December 31/January 1 changeover that you'd believe the world ended and was subsequently reborn every New Year's Eve.

I've seen a number of people expressing such cynical sentiments recently, and they do sort of have a point. But at the same time it's quite nice to have a relatively arbitrary place to draw a line under everything and say "right — that's enough of that, time to move on with new and better things."

I do it myself, as you've probably noticed. I refer to 2010 as a "bad year" because it was largely memorable for the bad things that happened in it. 2011 and 2012 were relatively unremarkable throughout their duration, with relatively little to distinguish the two of them, and yet here, now, on January 1, 2013, I still find myself looking forward to a new year as if something is going to be magically different. And yet we all know it's probably going to be the same old, same old for the most part, because those big changes in the world take significant amounts of time.

This is true of new year's resolutions, too. While it's admirable to use the start of a new year as a "starting line" for a new challenge, many people are a bit unrealistic about their own expectations of themselves. "I'll get fit," they'll say. "I'll lose weight." It's not that simple — those aren't behaviours that you can just "turn on", sadly, otherwise life would be much easier for the fatties of the world. It takes time to change, and it's easy to fall off the wagon. Believe me, I know.

As such, I'm not going to make any grand, sweeping statements about what I will or won't achieve in the coming year. It would be nice if I could get fit and lose some weight, but I know from past experience that neither of those things are particularly easy. There are plenty of other things I would like to achieve, too, but none of those are easy, either. As such, setting unrealistic expectations for myself is only going to set me up for future disappointment. Much better to set some long-term targets and use the year to at least start working on them, even if they do not come to complete fruition in a single year. After all, unexpected things have a habit of throwing spanners in the work. Best-laid plans and all that.

As such, here are some things I am going to make a start on (or, in some cases, revisit) in 2013, with no promises of any of them actually being finished in 2013:

I will do some form of exercise at least twice a week. I've had a hefty period off from running, gymming or indeed anything — a combination of depression and a general lack of motivation sapped my inclination towards doing these things towards the end of the year. Now I'm in our new place, I will make an effort to use at least two days in the week for sweaty purposes. I anticipate this will primarily take the form of taking my bike to Southampton Common, which is very near our house and eminently suitable for cycling around.
I will work on my visual novel book. I have already made a start on this, and now I'm a bit more settled, I'm in a position where I can devote some time to it regularly.
I will make a game. It will be a small-scale, not-overly ambitious game made with RPG Maker, and it will probably be rubbish. But I will use my writing skills and creativity to make something I can show to other people. If I find myself able to make said game relatively quickly, I might even make another one that is better.
I will play the piano several times per week. I have had relatively little motivation to make music for a while (again, partly due to depression and whatnot) but I will regularly settle down and attempt to get my skills back up to scratch.
I will see my friends more often. I am fed up of being a hermit. I know I am not an especially social person, and social anxiety doesn't make that any easier, but I would like to see my friends more often — for coffee, food, board games, video games, whatever. I am in the right place to do it, so I will take full advantage of that where possible.

I also have a more concrete target in mind, but I will keep that to myself for the moment, and perhaps share it in the near future.

For now, after an exhausting couple of days, I think I need a rest. Back to regular working days tomorrow for me — if you, too, are heading back to work, I hope you've had a suitably relaxing break and are ready to go back to the grindstone. And for everyone, I hope you had a wonderful (or at least tolerable) New Year celebration — here's to 2013 being a good one. Cheers!

1078: Things I Hope We See the Back of in 2013

As I noted yesterday, 2012 was a reasonable year, if a relatively unremarkable one. However, it did play host to a number of trends that really, really need to fuck the fuck off. Here is a selection of my picks for things that I would very much like to not see any more next year.

Gangnam Style

LOOK! LOOK AT THE FUNNY KOREAN MAN! HE DANCING! HAHAHAHAHA

No. Fuck off. When your "viral sensation" gets performed on X-Factor, you know it has officially jumped the shark.

The phrase "jumped the shark"

I can remember it now, but I originally had to look this up five or six times before I could actually remember what it meant. It is a Happy Days reference, for heaven's sake. Is there not something a bit more, you know, timely you could refer to? Or perhaps just say what you mean? Speaking of which…

Using the term "nice guy" to mean "creep"

I have ranted at length on this subject before so I will spare you that this time and simply say that by doing this you are simply perpetuating the stereotype that people who describe themselves as "nice guys" are creeps and rapists-in-training. Some of them are creeps, to be sure, but some of them are simply shy people with poor social skills. I count myself in the latter category, and have referred to myself as a "nice guy" in the past, and now feel hideously guilty about that. So quit tarring everyone with the same brush and find a new term to describe creepy guys who make women feel uncomfortable, regardless of what they call themselves. I suggest "creepy guys who make women feel uncomfortable" or perhaps just, you know, "creeps". Capitalising Nice Guy or adding a ™ is not an acceptable way of creating a new term.

Reducing complex sociological issues to binary debates

This is apparent when you look at a number of different issues in today's sociological climate, but it's particularly evident any time someone starts talking about sexism and/or feminism. If you're not in support of the most vocal, outspoken, ranty people who are standing up against sexism, you're a misogynist. If you are someone who speaks out against sexism, regardless of whether or not you're being obnoxious in your arguing techniques, you're a "feminazi". If you try and have a reasoned, rational debate on this subject, you're "part of the problem". There are no shades of grey here.

(Clarification that I am annoyed I feel obliged to include: My beliefs: sexism is bad, regardless of who it is directed towards. Women are awesome. Men are equally awesome. If the world learned this and treated people accordingly, it would be a much nicer place. Yelling incoherently at people is not the same as re-educating them.)

"dot TXT" Twitter accounts

NaNoWriMo participants, fanfic authors and bloggers are all pretty brave to put their work out there for public scrutiny, so how do you think they might feel about having extracts of things they have written or said quoted out of context, posted to Twitter and then retweeted to all and sundry? Yeah. Cut that shit out. On the subject…

Public shaming

Twitter users like "@fart" spend an awful lot of time trawling the social network for examples of things like "ungrateful teens" at Christmas, retweeting what is apparently their most offensive tweet and then, as a bit of frantic backpedaling, encouraging their followers not to harass these people. (I'm aware @fart isn't the only one, but he's certainly one of the most well-known.) Sites like BuzzFeed then collect together these tweets and post them as evidence of "first world problems" and other such bullshit. An example was here, but it has since been removed by the author, perhaps partly as a result of this article on Slate.

Public shaming of people for things like this is a horrible way to behave that makes you little more than a bully — especially in cases such as this, where we see that all is not necessarily as it first appears. Call people out if they are genuinely being publicly offensive, sure, but don't hold them up for ridicule.

Tumblr

Back in 2008, I posted this short entry in which I lamented the fact I didn't really know what Tumblr was for or why anyone would want to use it. Now I know: it's for telling the world how awful white people, men, and white men are. The second a white person says something stupid, you can count on there being a Tumblr for it within a matter of minutes, which runs whatever "joke" there was well and truly into the ground, often setting world records for how quickly it can make grumpy people like me want to set fire to anyone who makes such a reference.

White straight cis male guilt

Much of the above leads to white straight cis male guilt. (If you don't know what "cis" means, it is an abbreviation of "cisgender", which is where an individual's self-perceived gender matches their sex, and the opposite of "transgender". I had to look it up, despite the number of people who are now using it regularly, often in an attempt to make themselves look super-socially aware.) Being a white straight cis male is not anything to be ashamed of, but from the number of people who preface pieces of work by seemingly apologising for being the person they are, you'd think it was the worst thing in the world. The white straight cis male viewpoint is just as valid as the black gay transgender female perspective, and nothing to feel guilty about.

The only thing you should feel guilty about is not giving viewpoints other than your own the time of day, regardless of your ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, sex and any other factors. You can give respect to viewpoints other than your own without diminishing the relevance of your own contributions.

Variations on that Keep Calm and Carry On poster

If I never have to see an "amusing" poster that says "Keep Calm and [something that isn't Carry On]" again in 2013 and beyond, I will be happy. Indeed, if I never see a piece of merchandise that has the original "Keep Calm and Carry On" slogan on it again in 2013 and beyond, I will be happy. For those who were unaware, the original poster was put out in very limited quantities in 1939 to raise the morale of the British public in the face of the rise of the Nazis, and was subsequently rediscovered in 2000, at which point it exploded and was everyfuckingwhere. Ironically, the reaction on seeing a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster is now a crushing sense of distress at the state of the modern world rather than a feeling of increased morale.

Data limits

We're living in the future. We really are. We carry around gizmos in our pocket that are straight out of Star Trek, and yet our usage of them is artificially limited by mobile phone companies' desire to squeeze as much money out of us as possible. That didn't happen in Star Trek.

Negativity towards new tech

The new consoles that have been released recently — 3DS, Vita and Wii U — were all met with negativity upon their initial release. The situation with 3DS has improved somewhat, but Vita is still struggling a bit, and it's too early to say with Wii U so far. These are all great bits of kit that, in many cases, don't deserve the beatdowns they get. In 2013 I'd like to see a much greater focus on the things that these systems do well, and things that people who have bought one can appreciate, rather than endless Why Not To Buy One pieces.

Sales figures being equated to whether something is any good or not

People don't like buying stuff that isn't selling (see: Vita) but this doesn't mean that those things aren't actually any good. The Vita (sorry to keep harping on about it, but it's a good example) is a gorgeous piece of kit, but people are ignoring this arguably more important fact because its sales figures aren't very good.

Fact: pretty much everything I've enjoyed this year has been a "niche" title that hasn't been designed to sell in massive quantities. Not everything has to be a blockbuster.

Unnecessary mobile social networking apps

If you're considering seeking funding for a new mobile app that "lets you Like anything!" or is yet another Instagram ripoff then just stop. Now. No-one is going to use your product for more than five minutes. Before you design your app consider whether or not the world really needs it or would at least find it somehow beneficial. If the answer to either of those questions is "no", then reconsider what you are doing.

Blind reposting

This has been a particular issue on Facebook this year. People see something that they think is amazing (like that supposed Morgan Freeman quote on the school shooting) and then blindly reshare it to their Facebook friends without checking to see whether or not it's actually true. It subsequently spreads and spreads and spreads, because very few people along the way bother to fact-check it. When someone does fact-check it, discovers it to be bollocks and says so, they are often lambasted. "It does no harm," people will say. "It's a nice quote, does it matter who said it?"

Well, perhaps not in the case of a thought-provoking quote misattributed to Morgan Freeman, but when you see the massive virality of scaremongering posts accusing, say, Red Bull of containing a chemical that causes brain tumours, that's when you can hopefully start to see where the problem lies.

Let me introduce you to Snopes.com. If something sounds suspiciously like bollocks, it probably is, so check it out on Snopes.

____

I could go on but I've already written nearly 1,500 words so far. I think if all of the above just went and vanished in time for the new year, I'd be happy for maybe a few days at least. Then something new will undoubtedly come along to irritate me, and I can write another post like this on December 31, 2013. See you then.

(Actually, I'll see you tomorrow, but you know.)

Oh, and happy new year for later, I guess.

#oneaday Day 713: Welcome to 2012

So here we are in 2012, wondering how Sophia Hapgood got mixed up with the Nazis. Or something.

As mentioned in my brief, hastily-composed post last night, Andie and I (along with a number of others) saw in the New Year in style by eating our own bodyweight in puddings. ("Desserts" to you Americans out there.) There was a wide selection of gooey goodness on offer, ranging from a delicious steam pudding through an excellent trifle all the way to our friend Ben's creation, a chocolate tart of such gooey, rich darkness that we quickly dubbed it The Black Hole of Puddings. It brought many a pudding-scoffer to his knees, I can tell you that. At least it did until the late-game entry of the minted lamb pudding (not a dessert, but still a pudding — are you following?) which turned out to be delicious.

But anyway. Enough of the puddings. Let's look back at the year that was, as that's traditional to do on the first day of the new year, or the last day of the old as the case may be. As a matter of fact, I did exactly that on the last day of last year.

As I recall, my general reaction to 2010 was "fuck you". This, I feel, was fairly understandable, given that it was the year I found myself sans wife, job, place to live, money, dignity and hope. It was not, shall we say, Good Times. It was with some sense of trepidation that I began 2011 with only a part-time gig writing the news for GamePro to cling on to, but the year built its way up to if not "awesomeness" per se, then certainly a significant improvement on the previous.

Let's start with GamePro, since I just mentioned it. I spent a goodly proportion of the year acting as a newshound for the website in question. My work was appreciated and praised by colleagues and readers alike (mostly, apart from one commenter who accused me of being a paedophile for writing a news story about a game which explored LGBT issues — he got moderated, blocked and banned out the ass for that one) and as the months rolled by, I built my way up to being able to make a decent living from the work.

When layoffs started hitting the website later in the year, I figured something was wrong. When your managing editor is out of the door, you start to fear for your position. Things continued as normal for a while, albeit with a slight "edge" to them, but then at the end of November, the thing I'd expected to happen happened. GamePro folded.

This was sad to see for a number of reasons. Firstly, it was my job, and no-one likes having their job scooped out from under them — least of all a job that they actually like. (I felt bad when I was made redundant from the first school I worked in, and that was a shithole. I actually enjoyed working for GamePro.) Secondly, there are family ties to the brand — my brother spend a goodly proportion of time there rethinking the magazine and the website for the 21st century. And thirdly, GamePro is — was — one of the longest-running games magazines in the States, and to see it go under really is the end of an era.

I'm sad to see it go, but I'm grateful I had the chance to meet some great people (mostly via email, but some face to face) and hopefully sow the seeds for some future opportunities. I was also grateful to work for an editor who actually provided helpful feedback rather than simply letting things slip by. I feel my writing has improved as a result. This is a Good Thing.

As for the future jobs-wise, I couldn't say what will happen next in the long term. Starting on Tuesday, I'll be contributing to Inside Social Games and Inside Mobile Apps on a regular basis. This will bring in a fair amount of money each month, but ideally I need something more to top that up with. I have an interview for a job I won't talk about for the moment on January 5, so we'll have to wait and see how that goes. Otherwise it's back to prostitution for me. Wait, no, that's not right…

Outside of work, 2011 brought other Good Things my way, chief among which must be Andie, the lovely lady (though she may disagree on the use of that term) with whom I now live and whom I can hear playing Groove Coaster in the next room at the time of writing.

I shan't get embarrassingly mushy or anything here, but suffice to say that Andie appreciates me for who I am, doesn't mind watching me play video games and enjoys playing multiplayer Minecraft with me. She is also a good teammate in a game of Pandemic, willing to try her hand at Dungeon Defenders and makes a mean fried rice. She is, in short, pretty awesome, and I love her very much. She's also a sign that if things go horribly wrong in your life, then very often there are better times around the corner if you just have the patience to ride out the storms that are thrown your way.

Personally speaking, I still find myself visited by Des from time to time, and it's still difficult to deal with sometimes, particularly when what had started to feel like a period of stability was interrupted by the dissolution of my job. I'm hanging in there, though, and feeling quietly confident about what 2012 has to offer. It surely can't be much worse than 2010, after all.

(While we're here, did 2011 feel like it absolutely flew by to anyone else? It doesn't feel like that long ago I was writing my "end of the year" post for 2010 going into 2011.)

(Also, happy new year.)

#oneaday Day 712: Five Minutes to Midnight

It's New Year's Eve. I am writing on my phone. There are five minutes to go before the aforementioned New Year. At midnight I am going to press Submit regardless of whether or not I've finished a sentence.

Tonight we have celebrated the New Year by eating a shitload of puddings which everyone brought over to my friends Ben and Amy's house. By about half ten, most of us had eaten at least eight puddings, with some going as far as ten. Shortly after midnight, the last arrival showed up with an amazing-smelling savoury pudding — lamb and mint in a big crusty lump of suet. Amazing.

As midnight approaches, I'm grateful to ring in 2012 with good friends, and curious as to why the iPhone keeps wanting to correct "2012" to "2013".

The countdown has begun. Champagne is being poured. Celebrations are imminent.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

#oneaday, Day 1: Dawn of the First Day

I am aware of the factual inaccuracies in the title of this post. It is neither my first day writing #oneaday blogs, nor is it dawn. However, there are two reasons for naming it as I have: firstly, any excuse to get in a Zelda: Majora's Mask reference, and secondly, since the other members of the 2011 One A Day Project have all started today at number 1, I thought I would join them so as not to look too much like the grizzled old veteran that I am. Rest assured, there will be celebrations when I reach the end of my first year, though. Assuming I remember. (19th of January. Remind me.)

As it's a new year, a new beginning and a shiny new number "1" at the top of this post, I thought I would take the opportunity to introduce myself to those new readers that the One A Day Project has hopefully brought to my blog. Those of you I already know, bear with me for today and I'll get back to slagging things off tomorrow.

I'm Pete. I'm 29, and unemployed. 2010 was the worst year of my life, taking in the end of my employment, the end of my marriage, the end of my finances and the end of my independent status as Someone Who Does Not Live With Their Parents. All of the above are related to one another, at least in passing.

But as 2010 was a year of endings, January 1st 2011 seems like a good time to think about new beginnings. And what better way to consider new beginnings than with some new year's resolutions? Here goes, then.

I will blog every day from January 1st, 2011 until December 31st, 2011 (and possibly beyond) come rain, come shine, come sickness, come health, come on holiday, come in a sock (sorry), come not really having any time or being really drunk of an evening. I've kept up this daily blog since January 19th last year and I have no intention of stopping now.
I will go for a run three times a week, on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday where possible. Those of you who have been following me for a while will know that towards the end of the year I successfully completed the Couch 2 5K programme, which turned me from a fat bastard into a fat bastard who can run for up to 30 minutes non-stop, albeit quite slowly.
I will embark on a wide array of erotic adventures with a bevy of voluptuous redheads, all of whom either are or at least vaguely resemble Christina Hendricks.*
~~I will fuck up the tax man good and proper.~~ I will attempt to figure out why the taxman still thinks I am self-employed despite having gone from full-time employment to unemployment in the last few years. Then I will fuck him up good and proper.**
I will get a job.***
I will earn enough money to get somewhere to live that has a living room big enough for a Kinect and Dance Central.****
I will speak my mind and not bottle stuff up like a +5 Cauldron of Resentment.
I will complete Final Fantasy XII.
I will make a sizable dent in my gaming Pile of Shame.*****
I will not play World of Warcraft.
I will actually finish writing the story I've had stuck in my head for the last ten years and which has gone through more rewrites than an aborted metaphor involving something that gets rewritten a lot. (12,000 words so far. On the story, not the metaphor. That would be a metaphor of Dickensian proportions.)
I will have no shame in my diverse, occasionally cheesy, occasionally really really gay musical tastes.******
I will stop being so gay on Twitter.*******

I think that's quite enough to be getting on with, and all of them are totally achievable. Setting yourself realistic targets is the key.

So, now that you know a little bit about me (and will undoubtedly learn more either by reading back over my past entries, which I promise I will do a "Best Of" one day when I can be bothered) you're probably confused by that comic strip at the top of each post. Spoiler: I am also a little confused by the comic strip at the top of each post. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I think it's Allie Brosh's fault. That minx. But suffice to say, yes, I have made the questionable decision to accompany every blog post with a silly little cartoon drawn in the Mac equivalent of MS Paint and laid out with frankly unnecessary care and attention using Comic Life Magiq.

You'll notice a few recurring faces in these strips. Here are the most common ones:

Pete

Pete is a 29-year old unemployed ~~bum~~ ~~geek~~ writer aiming to make his way in the world. He lives in a featureless apartment of indeterminate size with several other peculiar characters and seems to attract surreal situations to himself like moths to a Dali-esque flame.

Alex

Alex believes herself to be "the sensible one", despite having a boy's name. However, Pete isn't convinced that she is as sensible as she likes to make out due to two fact: firstly, she reads Grazia magazine, and secondly, she has slept with Phillipe on more than one occasion.

Phillipe

Phillipe gets terribly upset when people spell his name wrong, but it's often difficult to tell due to his odd facial expression, acquired when he discovered that the stories your parents tell you about "sticking like it" are all true. He is also a massive pervert, and gets his penis out at every opportunity.

Lucy

Lucy hates blonde stereotypes but unfortunately conforms to every single one of them. She is not terribly bright and occasionally descends into saying text-speak out loud. She is, however, a cheerful soul and is rarely seen without a smile on her face. She likes coffee and kittens. Not together.

Des

The personification of Pete's "black cloud of despair" which he felt on numerous occasions throughout the last year. Des eventually became his own independent entity and made friends with Alex over a cup of tea. Pete has defeated him once, but he occasionally pops in for a social visit.

The MoneyBot

The MoneyBot's sole purpose is to monetize everything. Unfortunately, a glitch in his programming means that he only ever attempts to monetize people—a process which he carries out by shooting people in their genitals with a green Monetizing Ray. The process is reversible, and he may be a dream.

There. Consider yourself primed for the year ahead. Good luck to my fellow One A Day Project bloggers. And readers? Don't forget to pay the official site a visit and donate either your time or money to Cancer Research UK or To Write Love On Her Arms to show your appreciation for everyone's awesome creativity.

Thank you!

* A guy can dream, huh.

** Note to overzealous policemen: I will not actually fuck up "the taxman" because I am aware the Inland Revenue employs many people from diverse cultures who could probably take me in a fight if they all teamed up and formed a Constructocon.

*** Subject to the "job market", or whatever people blame the lack of jobs on.

**** It's wrong that I'm a little too enamoured with Dance Central, I know. But honey, I got rhythm that I haven't used yet.

***** Subject to Anything Really Good coming out.

****** Already achieved. I am listening to Ke$ha while writing this post.

******* I make no promises as to being able to fulfil this one, particularly while @acronkyoung and @NintendoTheory are around. No homo.

#oneaday, Day 343: Boxing Day

Christmas is over for another year, and so here we are on Boxing Day (or actually the day after if you're operating on UK time)—a day which apparently isn't particularly well-known in the US. In all honesty, it's not particularly well-known in the UK, either, aside from the name. It's just "the day after Christmas".

There's plenty of things that can be done on Boxing Day, and they tend to vary according to your age.

If you're a young kid, Boxing Day is a day to spend playing with all the presents you got and suffering from some pretty severe analysis paralysis while you work out what to do next. When you have the amount of choice most kids get these days after receiving a veritable truckload of presents, it's easy to see how they might get overwhelmed with things to choose from.

If you're a bit older, Boxing Day is probably a day for a hangover, whether it be caused by excess of alcohol, excess of food or, more likely, both. It also marks the beginning of The Great Leftovers Season, by the end of which you will never, ever want to see turkey ever again, whether it's on a plate with potatoes and gravy, stuffed into a sandwich, made into a curry or whatever vaguely inventive ways you've come up with to use turkey. Turkey is, of course, a meat which barely gets eaten throughout the rest of the year. Is this because it's just like an enormous dry chicken? Or is it because we eat so much of it throughout the holiday season that no-one can bear the thought of eating it again at any point in the rest of the year?

It's a pretty universal constant whatever your age, though, that the day after Christmas is for resting, sleeping, lolling on the couch (the original meaning of lolling, not the Internet meaning) and watching the DVDs that were inevitably in your Christmas stockings.

There's an exception, though: households which got a Wii or Kinect for Christmas. The Wii and Kinect get people up and about a little bit more than they would otherwise be, since they're popular gifts with kids and adults alike, and they require that you get off your turkey-filled ass and jump around. Quite literally in the case of Kinect.

Incidentally, if you are still a Kinect doubter, I defy you not to at least find the damn thing clever as hell. Yesterday we were trying it out and didn't have enough space to play with two people on Kinect Adventures, so we moved the couch back a bit. By the time we'd turned back to the screen, the game was asking if we'd like to play two-player mode. Without us telling it. Witchcraft and sorcery!

Hope you've all had a suitably festive festive season and have some appropriately awesome plans for the new year. 2011 better not suck as much as 2010, though I recall saying something very similar at the end of 2009 so I'm not going to hold my breath until something actually awesome happens!