The above image has nothing to do with what I want to talk about today. Or maybe it does. I haven't decided yet, because I don't really know what I'm going to write about yet — despite having already started writing.
I have days like this, where I think "what should I blog about?" and nothing comes readily to mind. I've found the best approach when this happens, pretty consistently, is just to open a document, start typing and let random thoughts spill out onto the page. If they make sense, great. If they don't, you can look back on it as an entertaining stream of consciousness, perhaps providing a bit of insight into what might have been going through my mind at the time.
Today has been a funny old day. Not because of anything I've been directly involved with, really, but just people have been in a bit of a funny mood. Notably, a Discord server I'm part of, which primarily consists of middle-aged men who make YouTube videos about old tech and software (like me), had a big old tiff in its #general channel that was frankly kind of bewildering to see unfold. The main instigator has been "timed out" for a week, so I guess it remains to be seen whether or not he will be back — and if he is, if he will have changed his attitude at all.
Elsewhere, I was having a conversation with some friends in the Squadron of Shame Discord server, and it brought back to my mind the fact that I don't feel like I really remember my 30s all that much. There's a block of a good 10 years or so that is just sort of a dark spot in my memory. It hasn't gone completely, because if I think back over it I can remember bits and pieces — and if I look back at blog posts from that era, I get an even clearer reminder — so it's perhaps more accurate to say that period of time just sort of passed by in a blur without me really intending or wanting it to.
Some of that is down to a few mildly to moderately traumatic happenings I was dealing with in that period, all of which are now, thankfully, things of the past — though as anyone who has suffered trauma will know, just because the cause of said trauma is not present any more, it doesn't mean it stops affecting you. Part of my "lost decade" is almost certainly my brain telling me "don't go back there, there's nothing fun back there to remember" and I should probably listen to it.
But it wasn't all bad, and there are things I miss from back then. Seeing friends. Having friends. Going out and doing things. Not being the size and level of unfitness I am now. Not having a hernia. Having the passion and enthusiasm to write something on MoeGamer every day and make multiple videos a week.
A lot of things are better now, of course. I'm in a stable job that pays well, as is my wife Andie. We're getting our windows and doors done soon. I have a HeroQuest campaign on the go. I have a satisfyingly large game collection that will probably last me until the day I die. I am in control of, and proud of, the various websites that I have, at this point, held for many years. We have two wonderful cats (pictured).
And yet with the way the world is right now, it's hard to feel entirely happy, because there are so many things that are concerning about the short- to medium-term future. And it's difficult to escape from them. Impossible, in some cases. I fear for what the next few years hold, both in terms of things in my personal sphere, and more broadly about the world in general.
But right now, just this second, as I type this, things are All Right. So I should probably enjoy these moments of things being All Right while I can. So that's what I'm going to go and do now.
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