I promised you a story from last night, didn't I? I'm afraid it's not super interesting, nor does it involve me personally getting into a hilariously embarrassing situation, but it was a noteworthy part of the evening nonetheless.
For our Christmas do, we started at a cocktail bar in Covent Garden called, inexplicably, Blame Gloria. While we were there, we were taught some basic drinks-pouring skills and also taught how to make a few different cocktails: a Zombie, a passion fruit Martini, and a Blow Job.
It was fun, though everyone retrospectively agreed that starting drinking at 3pm when a significant number of us are the wrong side of 35 was perhaps a misstep, but anyway.
After the cocktails, we took a wander over to a relatively nearby place called The Piano Works, where we were going to have dinner and some more drinks. I did not enjoy this place very much; the food was good (apart from some sprouts with the turkey dinner that were as hard as golf balls) but it was so very loud.
I realise this makes me sound like the worst kind of old man, but as an autistic person I can be quite sensitive to noise at the best of times, and I think my absolute least favourite noise is the sound of a crowd of people all shouting in a futile attempt to have conversations in a room where the ambient noise level is far too loud to make this in any way practical.
In other words, the music was too loud, which meant everyone was yelling, and I found that exceedingly unpleasant. That is not the story; it is just context.
Anyway, after we'd had our food and had sat for a bit, we were ushered on our way so the next bookings could have our table. Several of us headed straight for the door; a few others went via the toilets. I was part of the former group.
After a few minutes, it became clear that the toilet group were not emerging. It didn't take long to discover why: the doors to the bar burst open and out came a screaming, crying woman that several people — both bar staff and friends, from what I could understand of the situation — were having trouble calming down.
"GET YOUR 'ANDS OFF ME!" she screeched. "YOU'RE BEING FUCKIN' 'ORRIBLE TO ME! I 'AVEN'T DONE NOTHING WRONG!"
This sequence of phrases repeated itself over and over for a few minutes, then she added "I WANNA SEE A POLICEMAN" to the mix. She was furious about something, but I couldn't really work out what. She was angry at the bar staff and the people who were presumably her friends, but primarily for them taking her out of the bar; I could not glean what the situation actually stemmed from. I suspect it was just "she was being a little too drunk" and she had been encouraged to move on.
The screeching and wailing went on for a good ten minutes or so, during which time the few of us who had managed to escape were ushered a little way down the hallway to get away from any potential "incidents". Someone finally managed to do something to calm her down, though, and by the time she finally tottered down the stairs and into the street, supported on either side by the people I assume to be her friends, she was giggling.
The whole scenario was a tad unsettling to watch, to be perfectly honest. I know this sort of thing tends to make for "funny stories", and immediately after these things happen, everyone tends to just sort of shake their head, go "bloody hell" and then attempt to make light of the situation, but it can be quite scary to be in the vicinity of something like that happening. It felt like there was quite a real risk of the screeching woman becoming violent, so kudos to whoever it was (and whatever they did) that managed to calm her down a bit.
I've been absolutely trollied in my younger days — I tend to stop well before I become foolish nowadays, on the rare occasions I do drink, because the depression tends to hit first — but I don't think I've ever been in such an absolute state.
Well, there may be one possibility. The only time I've been drunk and had absolutely no memory of what I did was on my brother's stag night many years ago, when I supposedly got so hammered (underage, too) I was sick on a waiter's shoes. I have no memory of this, though I do very much remember the hangover (my first, in fact!) the following day.
Even then, though, I don't think I ended up screeching and yelling at people. One might argue yakking on a waiter's shoes is worse than that. My situation probably also made people around me feel a tad unsafe, and I should probably be grateful to my Dad, who I believe is the one who managed to get me back to the place we were staying safely.
This ended up being about me after all, heh. Well, I don't make a habit of being like that any more. That was a very long time ago, and, as I say, I tend not to drink much now anyway. And when I do, I tend to find "sad drunk" hits faster than "silly drunk" these days. Which is a bit of a shame, but probably something we all need to come to terms with as we get older.
So that's my story. It may not have been super exciting, but I hope it painted a bit of a picture of my experience with London nightlife!







