#oneaday Day 65: Character Sheet

RPGs, as everyone knows, are nonsense. No amount of battering your way through the world's wildlife with a stick repeatedly makes you powerful enough to take down, say, a helicopter with your bare hands. But that's not to say that we don't have our own special skills and abilities of our own. So here, in the style of Final Fantasy XIII thanks to the many and varied roles I have taken on over the years, is my official Character Sheet. (Bonus points if you can figure out how I calculated my EXP, amount of EXP to next level, HP and MP, because yes, I am nerdy enough to work out a system to do just that.)

Pete
Hume M
Level 29

HP: 1557/1557
MP: 5/358

EXP: 261696
NEXT: 1320

Role: WRITER (WRI), Lv. 25
Bonus: Adds to party's Grammatical Error detection radius.

Abilities
Literate: Read and write.
Literata: Read and write well.
Literataga: Read and write well enough to do professionally.
Literataja: Read and write super-fast to borderline-inhuman deadlines.
Barego: Protect against bruised ego.
Bolster: Restore morale.
Enhumor: Add Comedy element to attacks, cancel Sadness status.
Eninform: Add Knowledge element to attacks, cancel Ignorance status.
Yankbrit: Toggle stance between British and American English.

Role: TEACHER (TCH), Lv. 3
Bonus: Double EXP acquisition for other party members.

Abilities
Teach: Able to explain general things in some detail.
Teacha: Able to explain complicated concepts to inexperienced types.
Teachaga: Able to explain complicated concepts without getting frustrated.
Teachaja: Able to adapt explanations on the fly while teaching several targets.
War Cry: Inflict Silence on all targets temporarily.
Bolster: Restore morale.
Eninform: Add Knowledge element to attacks, cancel Ignorance status.
Patience: Cancel Berserk status on self. Usable once per day.

Role: BARD (BRD), Lv. 25
Bonus: Increased success rate of party buffs.

Abilities
Piano: Equip Piano-class equipment.
Clarinet: Equip Clarinet-class equipment.
Saxophone: Equip Saxophone-class equipment.
Bellowing Honk: (Requires Saxophone) Knockback and Stun all targets.
Piercing Screech: (Requires Clarinet) Silence and Slow all targets.
Shine on Me: Buff the party with Barbershop Power.
Pinkapingpangpong: Confuse all targets.
Rachmaninoff's Fury: Inflict punch damage over a slightly wider-than-usual radius.
Perform: 50/50 chance to Impress or Depress friendly target.
Accompany: Double attack power of any Soloist in the party.
Accompanya: Triple attack power of any Soloist in the party.
Accompanyaga: Max out Soloists' attack power and add your own.

Role: NERD (NRD), Lv. 25
Bonus: Bolster party's performance in video game-related quizzes.

Abilities
Score Attack: Spend an entire ATB bar increasing your score on Geometry Wars.
Recognition: Increased chance to recognise obscure music from Japanese games.
Unfazed: Impossible for bizarre/impossible events to inflict Confusion status.
Desensitised: Think of the children!
Persistence: Extra chance at all failable actions, chance of Boredom status increases.
Fix: Restore HP to Mechanical or Electrical targets.
Break: Damage Mechanical or Electrical targets with increased efficiency.
Google: Impossible to be inflicted with Ignorance status if in an area with Wi-Fi.
Maru: Summon cat videos.
Marua: Summon a cat video appropriate to the occasion.
Maruga: Summon the perfect cat video for the occasion to escape from danger.

Role: RETAIL MONKEY (RMK), Lv. 2
Bonus: Double Gil from sold items.

Abilities
Sell: Sell items.
Sella: Sell junk items.
Sellaga: Sell junk and regular items for increased profit.
eBay: Sell items to people in other zones.
eBaya: Sell junk items to people in other zones.
eBayaga: Sell junk and regular items to people in other zones for increased profit.
Packin': Equip Packing Tape Dispenser-class equipment.
Cable Management: Remove Tangled status from Mechanical or Electrical targets.

Role: EMPATH (EMP), Lv. 10
Bonus: Decreased chance for friendly party members to suffer Debuffs.

Abilities
Listen: Listen.
Listena: Listen without judging.
Listenaga: Listen without judging or offering stupid advice.
Empathy: Transfer all negative status effects from friendly target to self.
Empatha: Remove one negative status effect that both you and target are suffering.
Empathaga: Remove all negative status effects from target, inflict Confusion on self.
Bolster: Restore morale.

Did I miss anything? Obviously I'm leaving my Limit Breaks a secret as I don't want to play my hand too early.

#oneaday Day 64: Welcome to Bullet Hell

David Cage, of Heavy Rain fame, recently made some comments at GDC regarding traditional game structure. He argued that levels, bosses, missions, that sort of thing—all of them were obsolete, and that we should move on. Now, in some senses, I kind of agree with him—I certainly want to play more games like Heavy Rain for one thing—but to say that traditional structural devices in games should be left behind forever is foolish and misguided.

Why? Well, because there's still a place for gamey-games. Not everything has to be an epic interactive movie that is beautifully crafted and cinematographatised. Not everything has to be about in-depth moral decisions and the consequences of those actions. It's okay to chase high-scores, and it's okay to put the words "GAME OVER" in front of the player if they mess up.

The reason why this has suddenly popped into my mind is the fact that I was dragged kicking and screaming into the world of the "bullet hell" shooter last night. I'd heard a few good things about the recently-released Deathsmiles on Xbox, and asked a few people on Twitter what they thought. Everyone who got back to me said that it was an excellent game, and also recommended a couple of iPhone titles—Espgaluda II and Dodonpachi Resurrection. It was too late to go and grab a copy of Deathsmiles thanks to the fact most of the country shuts down at around 6pm, but I could at least try the iPhone games. And they had Lite versions for trial purposes, too, which makes a nice change.

I tried them both and was astonished at how impressive 2D pixel art can still be. Neither game is consciously trying to look "retro", they're just made of well-drawn, well-animated art rather than 3D graphics. Not only that, though, they're a huge amount of fun to play. I'd always figured the "bullet hell" shooter as being punishingly difficult—otherwise the word "hell" wouldn't figure into its genre description, surely—but I was pleasantly surprised to discover that rather than being super-difficult, they're just quite technical and require rather more than hosepiping the screen with laser fire. Instead, it's a case of quickly determining what the best route through the bajillion incoming shots is—and the excellent touch-screen controls on the iPhone games (worthy of celebration in itself) makes navigating through them a snap.

The other thing I hadn't realised about the genre is that the "hitbox" (the area of the ship that registers collisions) is super-tiny—much smaller than the ship itself. This means that you can get away with "scraping" bullets and, in fact, in one mode of Dodonpachi Resurrection, this is encouraged by building up your score multiplier. And speaking of scores, if you're the sort of person who likes building up gigantic scores, this is the genre for you. Both the iPhone games have full OpenFeint and Game Center support, a bunch of Achievements and full Leaderboard functionality, with an individual Leaderboard for each mode—hopefully free of the sort of cheating we see on the Fruit Ninja leaderboards.

The final thing that I find particularly noteworthy is the fact that the inappropriateness of the music throughout is second only to DEADLY PREMONITION. Check out this music from the first stage of Dodonpachi Resurrection and I defy you to not be smiling by the end of it. Now imagine blowing up like a million tanks whilst listening to that. Yeah. That's why that game is awesome, and why @feenwager will hate it.

#oneaday Day 63: Mr Sheen

So. Charlie Sheen, eh? What a card. Winning. Tiger blood. I wish there were some way to show my appreciation for him through the medium of the Internet, such as saying "winning" every few minutes. Oh wait.

Sarcasm aside, I find this whole farrago (yes, farrago, deal with it) surrounding Mr Sheen somewhat bewildering. As someone pointed out on Twitter yesterday, Pete Doherty does a bunch of drugs, acts like a dickhead and is vilified, while Sheen does a bunch of drugs, acts like a dickhead and is elevated to Internet meme deity status? It makes no sense whatsoever.

Sheen himself isn't helping, with his Twitter account attracting over a million followers in the course of 25 hours, a new Guinness World Record. (I wasn't even aware there were Guinness World Records for how quickly people got Twitter followers, but I guess you live and learn.) His bewildering gibberish seems to have the majority of the Internet frothing at the mouth in giddy euphoria, wondering what on earth he's going to say or do next. Sheen acquired well over half a million followers before he'd posted anything at all on Twitter, with rubberneckers urging each other to "hold on to your hats" and the like.

I've never been one for celebrity culture and gossip, or gossip in general for that matter. As far as I'm concerned, what people do in their personal life should remain personal, whether they're the man on the street or someone in the public eye. Sure, public figures arguably have a responsibility to set a good example to impressionable people—but if they do this when they're out in public, is there any need to go prying into their private life?

Of course, one could argue that Sheen was rather public in his dickheadishness, in which case at that stage the press should step in and see what's up. But if that's the case, why is he being put up on such a pedestal? Is being a drug-addled twat really something to aspire to? If so, that's kind of sad. Or is it that he's a broken man acting more and more erratically as he makes more and more of a mess of his life, and everyone's laughing at him? Because that's kind of sad, too.

Not only that, but the LA Times revealed yesterday that Sheen had signed up with celebrity ad-whoring agency ad.ly, who pay Sheen and a number of other corporate shill "celebrities" including the Kardashians (whom I'm still not sure why are famous), Mike Tyson, Linkin Park and 50 Cent, to advertise products in their Twitter stream. A clever, if arguably obnoxious, idea. Fortunately, none of them are the kind of people I have the slightest interest in following, so I've remained relatively free of their selling-out-ness. But the fact remains that ad.ly are clearly taking advantage of Sheen's questionable mental state (and people's fascination with it) to make a quick buck.

Still. The usual response to disapproving of a situation like this is to advise one to "just ignore it". So, barring anyone coming up and shouting "WINNING!" in my face (who will get a punch in their face) that is what I intend to do from now. Having just written 541 words on the subject.

Now who's winning?

#oneaday Day 62: Too Long, Still Read

I'm almost entirely certain I have ranted on this topic at least once in the past. But, well, it bears repeating, given what I do both here and professionally.

More than one paragraph isn't bad.

More than 140 characters isn't bad. (Unless you're using Twitter, when all the deck.ly and TwitLonger nonsense kind of defeats the object.)

I read an answer to a question on GameFAQs earlier. The original poster had asked something which required quite a detailed answer. One respondee gave a detailed, good answer that was two paragraphs long, probably about 150-200 words or so. He apologised for writing "alot of text" (sic)—and I'll let the "alot" slide for the minute because there are bigger issues at work here, dammit. (Incidentally, if you've never seen this, well, you should.)

No. Stop apologising when you write things. Stop complaining at people in forums if they write detailed thoughts. Stop providing lazy people with "TL;DR" summaries and make them read. No wonder people haven't got the patience for books any more if they can't bear to read more than 10 words of someone else's opinion at a time and inevitably respond with something utterly inane like "lol". (And I bet they're not even really laughing out loud either, the bastards.)

Language is an incredibly powerful thing. Look at all the things it's built over the years. Those things didn't come about by people worrying about writing an "OMFG WALL OF TEXT" and people ignoring them. Those people had something to say and damn well said it, in detail, and argued their case. Their passion for what they were talking about came through in the power of the words that they chose, their enthusiasm for the topic came across with the depth into which they explored their topics verbally and on paper.

Now granted, there are times when brevity is better than verbosity. Anything from any government agency or law office, for example. I received a letter from the tax office a while back which went on for 3 pages when the single word "no" would have sufficed. These people have nothing to say and ironically spend pages and pages proving how little they have to say. Why? Who knows. To sound "official", perhaps.

But people with opinions? People debating things? People being—who'd have thought it—helpful? There's no sin in using a few more words if it might make someone think, discuss or smile.

So stop apologising when you write something, be it a blog post, forum post, Yahoo! Answers answer (well, someone has to write them) or blog comment. If you have something to say, it is absolutely your right to be able to say it without worrying about whether its length is going to put people off (*deftly sidesteps "that's what she said" gag*). And those who are too lazy to read a couple of paragraphs of comment? Well, they're probably not the sort of person you'd want to engage in a debate anyway. So F them in the B.

TL;DR: Stop being a dick.

#oneaday Day 61: Killing One's Dick Off

Bulletstorm should be the last game that appeals to me. I've criticised games such as Killzone for having generic-sounding "ShootMan: Kill"-type names, and my frustration with the market's oversaturation of first-person shooters is well-documented.

So why do I find myself wanting to play it?

Well, there's quite a few reasons, actually, and despite Bulletstorm's generic-sounding title and the fact it is indeed a first-person shooter, there's enough in it to get me interested. Most importantly, though, it's a game which doesn't take itself too seriously in the slightest. It knows only too well how ridiculous it is, and it's happy to provide said ridiculousness in spades.

There's a couple of specific things that get me, though. First up is score attack. Score attack is something that I seem to have developed something of a liking for in the last couple of years thanks mostly to Geometry Wars 2 and Pac-Man Championship Edition DX or whatever the bloody thing is called. Score attack is a simple, asynchronous way for people to play "together" and compete. It allows people on opposite sides of the world the chance to enjoy some friendly competition without those pesky timezones getting in the way. It encourages people to talk about the game. And it encourages people to replay the game rather than just ditching it after they've beaten the campaign.

The second thing about Bulletstorm is ironically one of the things that I thought would put me off it, and that is its immaturity. It has a sense of humour and throws obscenities around with gay abandon and from everything I've heard from reputable sources of information (well, friends) is all the better for it. A line about "killing your dick off" is supposedly a particular highlight, but the fact the demo for the game ended by referring to the player as "dick-tits" pretty much convinced me that this was a game built on the same values as late 90s shooters in which cheeky, immature fun was at the forefront, not trying to be over-the-top epic.

Fun is good. A lot of shooters, in my experience anyway, seem to be forgetting that part. When you repeat the same bit over and over again due to cheap deaths and hear the same annoying bit of inevitably-shouted dialogue over and over again, it kills all sense of immersion in the story which the developers are clearly trying so hard to achieve. Sure, I haven't played the full version of Bulletstorm yet, but since the plot is rather secondary to the gameplay and the scoring, it strikes me as something that will be rather less frustrating than the reason I put Gears of War down and have never touched that series since.

All of the above isn't to say that I am going to get Bulletstorm. I haven't decided yet. But they've done something right along the way, as it's the first shooter in a very long time that I've been genuinely very interested in playing.

#oneaday Day 60: Just Imagine...

Not so long ago, the world was a different place. Saddam Hussein was still in charge of Iraq, no-one knew who the Liberal Democrats were and Call of Duty was but a twinkle in a young Bobby Kotick's eye. Sounds like delightful times, doesn't it?

Well, the other thing about these glory days is the fact that we didn't have the Internet. And these days it's easy to take that fact for granted, given that most of the things we do throughout the course of every single day involve the Internet somehow, from the smallest little things to huge, life-changing events.

It wasn't always that way, and oddly enough it's a piece of educational software that really drives the difference home. Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? was a game that tested your geographical knowledge and encouraged you to find out about the wider world. And you had to do it without the aid of Wikipedia, a website which means you can rattle through the Facebook version in a matter of minutes. Sure, it was often necessary to use reference material to pass the game's missions, but there's something a little different about using an encyclopaedia or atlas to find things out rather than typing things into Google.

For me, though, there's no going back to those dark days. I think about all the people I have in my life right now, and I bet over half of them are in my life because of the Internet, whether it's directly or indirectly. Some people I initially met face to face and then ended up getting to know via email or IM chat sessions. Some people I met online first and then met face to face later. Some people I've only ever met online, but want to meet face to face. And a few people I know online and am more than happy to keep them at a very long arm's length!

It's difficult to imagine how the events of the last year would have gone without the Internet. For starters, the situation wouldn't have arisen in the first place, for many reasons. But let's assume it had for a minute; the people from whom I had the most support were people I knew because of the Internet. A couple of them happened to be physically close to me, but a lot of them were on the other side of the planet. How different would it have been without them?

Perhaps if there was no Internet then I'd have more friends who are physically close to me. But then would that lead to a "compromise" sort of situation, where you hang out with people you don't really like because it's convenient?

Who knows? All I know is that I'm pretty damn grateful the Internet exists, and I'm equally grateful that the people I know because of it exist. You rock, so keep being awesome, and on that day when I win a bajillion pounds on the Inordinately Generous Lottery for People Called Pete (which doesn't seem to have started yet, sadly) I will be travelling around the world to meet each and every one of you, buy you a drink and/or call you "dick-tits" to your face.

#oneaday Day 59: Shit Happens, Life Continues

Life is complicated. And I'm not talking about my life specifically, I'm talking about the whole concept of life. People. Society. Everyone together, interacting (or not) and the strange, almost "chemical" reactions caused by one little thing that someone does having a knock-on effect and making other things happen. Chaos theory, I guess, only with less in the way of butterflies and hurricanes and whatnot.

Life is unstable, too. And again, I'm not talking about my life specifically, and I'm not talking about the "I could snap any minute and murder everyone with a claw hammer" sort of unstable, either, though for sure that is part of life's general instability. I'm talking about things you take for granted suddenly not being there any more, or changing their form, or things that you thought were lost being found once again. All of these things are things that I and countless others have experienced recently. All part of life's rich tapestry, as they say.

Things change. People change. Relationships evolve. People come together, drift apart. Sometimes stupid decisions get made. Sometimes wise decisions that hurt like hell get made. And sometimes things happen that you don't understand. Sometimes you can see decision points coming up and you have no idea which road is the right one, if any.

Life is complicated. And people say that it keeps things interesting, that life would be boring if it was predictable. And perhaps it would be. No-one likes doing the same thing over and over again. No-one likes being confined to a routine day after day, clocking in at 9 in the morning, doing the same menial task for 8 hours then clocking off again at the end only to go home to the same old house, eat the same old food and watch the same old crap on the TV. But we do it all the same.

Unpredictability may keep things interesting, but it has mixed results. Sometimes it has great results, like the reunion of two close friends after many years; friends who have the ability to pick up right where they left off as if the intervening silence was nothing but a dream. Sometimes it has life-changing results, for better or worse. Sometimes these life changes needed to happen and were a long time coming, and sometimes you couldn't possibly have imagined that they would ever happen.

And these things are happening to everyone, not just you. Someone, somewhere, knows how you feel. Someone, somewhere, understands what you're going through right now. You might not know them yet, or perhaps you do. You may have spoken to them in passing, or perhaps they're just a name on a computer screen that you've glanced before. Or perhaps they're right under your nose, waiting for the right moment to show you what it is you mean to them, and you never realised.

Life is complicated, unpredictable, strange and frustrating. And however much you think you have yourself, or other people, or the situation in general figured out, things change at a moment's notice, like a roll of a die. So perhaps you should stop trying to figure things out and understand them, strap yourself into the ride and see where it takes you.

It might be nowhere. Or it might be someplace far away. You won't know until you get there.

Bill Hicks said it far better than I could.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMUiwTubYu0]

#oneaday Day 58: Things To Do in a Traffic Jam

I like driving. It's fun. Whether you're negotiating twisty-turny country lanes, putting your foot to the floor on a motorway or simply contemplating the fact that you're actually sitting in a chair that is moving at 70 miles per hour (seriously, that's pretty mind-boggling when you consider the speed the other chairs in your life don't move at) driving is, for the most part, a pleasurable experience for those who enjoy using cars for the purpose they were designed for. (Obviously those who don't like driving or are scared of it are exempt from the above.)

There's one thing sure to spoil any nice drive, though: a traffic jam. They're a pain in the arse whether they come in the form of backed-up traffic over a narrow hump-backed bridge due to a lost sheep standing bewildered in the middle of a single-track road, gridlock in a town centre or one of those inexplicable jams that form on a motorway, force everyone to sit stationary for approximately 500 years then start moving again with absolutely no trace of whatever caused the jam at the front of it.

So that's why it's important to have a repertoire of entertainment ready. Those of you with kids will have probably played I-Spy to death. But you don't always have kids with you, and indeed sometimes you're all by yourself. So here is a selection of Things to Do in a Traffic Jam, with some suitable for solo play, others suitable for a party of disgruntled passengers to join in with.

Rev-Counter Roulette

Players: 1-car capacity
Traffic speed: Stationary
Danger level: Mild peril

Put your car in neutral or at the very least, push the clutch all the way down. Players take a moment to place their bets from 1-whatever your rev counter goes up to. (Obviously you need a rev counter to play this.) When everyone has placed a bet, quickly press the accelerator pedal as hard as you like (or not). Whoever bet the closest to the highest point your rev counter reached wins and gets a travel sweet and/or the opportunity to punch everyone else in the face.

Gangster Trip-Meter

Players: 1-car capacity
Traffic speed: Slow to moderate
Danger level: None

Agree a timeframe appropriate for the speed of the traffic. If it is moving a bit, five minutes. If it is going very slowly, perhaps ten minutes. Set your car's trip meter to zero and set a timer for the timeframe you decided. Place bets on what the trip meter will read at the end of the timeframe. Whoever bet the closest to the final result wins.

Optional rule: whoever bet furthest away from the final result has to remove an item of clothing, which makes the following game much more interesting if it's cold.

Master of Elements

Players: 1-car capacity
Traffic speed: Any
Danger level: Slim to none

Depending on the ambient temperature, set the car's heating system to whatever will be most uncomfortable and turn the fan up to full. If it's very cold, you may also wish to open all the windows. The first person to complain that it's too hot/too cold/too windy is the loser and gets ridiculed by everyone else and/or punched in the face.

Optional rule: Strip rules may also be added to this game. Depending on the temperature, this may be a benefit or a handicap.

Frogger

Players: 1
Traffic speed: Slow to moderate
Danger level: Moderate

Set yourself a time limit appropriate for the amount of traffic and the speed it is moving. For heavy and/or stationary traffic, use a longer time limit. In the time limit attempt to change lanes from the inside to the outside lane as many times as possible.

Warning: Playing this game will cause most other members of the traffic jam to think you are a complete dick. If you are driving a BMW or Mercedes, you can play this game without fear, as people will expect you to be driving like that anyway.

The World's Slowest Drag Race

Players: 1
Traffic speed: Slow to moderate
Danger level: Mild peril

Set yourself a time limit and choose a target in another lane. Don't choose a BMW or Mercedes, or anyone who is obviously playing Frogger, because they'll change lanes a lot. Start the clock and see who is further ahead at the end of the time limit.

If you're driving in convoy with other people, you can play this with the other convoy members. Passengers in the losing car have to perform forfeits such as getting their bums out.

#oneaday Day 57: Startlegal Ballactegar

Board games really are great. The incredible lateness of this entry can be almost entirely attributed to them. The one which took up most of our evening was the adaptation of the new-ish Battlestar Galactica series, which I still haven't got around to seeing and really should, from everything I've heard.

Fortunately, the game doesn't require any specific knowledge of the show and doesn't appear to include any spoilers. What it does provide, however, is a lengthy cooperative experience tinged with mistrust and doubt thank to the fact that at least one player is, at some point, going to turn out to be evil. The exact manner in which this player chooses to conduct themself is part of the challenge of the game, both for the non-traitorous players and the traitor themselves.

What the game does an excellent job of is introducing just enough in the way of random elements to the mix to freak everyone out a bit while allowing the Cylon player the opportunity to subtly undermine everything the others are working for. Later in the game, too, the Cylons have the opportunity to reveal themselves and cause havoc more directly.

The game, like other co-op experiences such as Arkham Horror, initially appears deceptively complex but it's actually reasonably straightforward to play. It does, however, appear to take quite some time—again, like Arkham Horror. This is fine, but it does mean you need to set aside a substantial amount of time to play, and if you're hoping to fit a lot of games into a day of board game geekery, this may be one to save for a time when you can focus on it.

Our first attempt was an unmitigated disaster thanks to a combination of terrible luck (three Cylon fleet attacks in a row) and the fact that we had not one but two traitors in our midst, one of whom made themselves reasonably obvious almost from the outset, while the other did a masterful job of undermining things very subtly. It was an entertaining experience despite our failure to save the human race, however, and now we understand the mechanics better hopefully future play sessions will proceed much quicker. I'm looking forward to trying it again.

So of you're a fan of co-op with a touch of betrayal, Battlestar Galactica is a great game to give a shot, even if you're only familiar with the TV series in passing.

And now to bed!

#oneaday Day 56: Trendsetter

Trends are bizarre, inexplicable and ultimately meaningless if you have a mind of your own. I find it impossibly difficult to fathom sometimes how one minute something can be excellent, popular, wonderful, critically acclaimed and all manner of superlatives, then the next it is shit, awful, bollocks, crap and proof that you are a complete fuckwit if you dare to admit you like it in the company of anyone with a face.

There are few places where this is more apparent than in the world of "celebrities"—and my God how much I hate that word, but that's an entirely different story. I have one specific example in mind and that is the comedian Michael McIntyre. He appeared on the scene a year or two pack, mostly on panel shows such as Mock the Week, and he proved himself to be an entertaining, clever, well-spoken funnyman with floppy, silly hair that I could relate to. We started seeing some of his stand-up on TV, and I thought his material was very funny and a little different from other acts around at the time. At some indeterminate point in about the last year or so, it became fashionable to hate him and slag him off.

To be perfectly honest, I wonder exactly how many people who use Michael McIntyre as a whipping boy for what is supposedly the lowest of the low comedy have actually watched his whole act, and how many of them are simply following the trend. Who decided it was time to hate McIntyre? Why? Where did that "trend" originally come from? It must have started with someone and spread virally. Public opinions don't do complete U-turns without some sort of influence—and McIntyre himself is the same as he's always been.

It happens in all media too; Square's Final Fantasy series, once beloved by most gamers (or at least the ones who liked JRPGs) is now belittled and complained about by almost everyone. The games aren't any worse (I'm playing FFXIII right now and while it could be argued to be a step backwards from the complete change of direction that was FFXII, it's certainly not a bad, boring, stupid, dumb game like some people have ranted at great length about) and sure, Square could probably stand to re-release the first four games in the series a few less times and the others a few more times… but Square hate is also in fashion right now.

I'm not objecting to anyone having opinions, you understand. People are free to like or dislike whatever the hell they want, whether it's music, games, movies, books, celebrities, foods or even abstract concepts. The idea of people belittling each other based on what they enjoy, though? That's just stupid. I hate The X-Factor and related TV shows, for example, and have even moaned about them a great deal in the past. But I figured out that there was absolutely no point in doing so, because even if it is the shittest of the shit (and it is) there are people out there who enjoy it and aren't going to listen however much you try and convince them otherwise.

So here's a thought, then. Why don't we start a new trend—a trend of saying "I like this, give it a try, it's cool if you don't"? Okay, sure, as slogans go it's not the catchiest one out there. But it's better than "I hate this and you should too even if you have no idea what I'm talking about!"