You can tell the end of the year is rolling around. Everyone's getting ill, and everyone is getting stressed. I am, of course, no exception to either of these things — though I do appear to have mostly shaken off my last bout of Seasonal Cold, at least. That feeling of my mind being scrunched up into a tight little ball, ready to explode outwards in thoroughly stressed-out frustration, though? Present and correct.
It's been an exhausting period at work with the Black Friday sales and whatnot. What makes things doubly exhausting is the knowledge that I'm going to be escaping the one part of my job that I don't enjoy at some point (hopefully) early in the new year, so I just have to survive until that happens. In that "meantime" period, though, I just have to put my head down and plough ahead with the less enjoyable aspects of doing what I do. And that's all the detail I'm going to go into on that for the moment.
Having to "just put up with" things is, I'd wager, a common stressor, and there are quite a few things that I've resigned myself to "just having to put up with". Weight loss continues to be a challenge, of course, and that means that I "just have to put up with" having an often painful and always unsightly hernia making me feel even worse about my overall body image than I do at the best of times. One day, I hope, I will be in a position where I can finally get it sorted, and that day will be a good day. (Well, that day specifically probably won't be, given that I am terrified of surgery, and I believe getting a hernia repaired continues to smart for at least a few days after the procedure. But still.)
Existence is exhausting right now. After this, I'm strongly tempted to just go and curl up in bed for a bit. It's 7.35pm.
Still, I do have some things to look forward to, at least. The aforementioned change in my job role and responsibilities. Christmas with the family. The work Christmas Do. All these things are happening varying degrees of "Soon", so they are things I can aim for and use as milestones as I continue to muddle through the increasingly challenging act of surviving this modern world we live in.
I won't lie, there have been times in my life where it felt very much like I should just Give Up. It hopefully says something vaguely positive about me that, even when faced with such challenges — and I have faced significantly tougher challenges than the tepid mental health I'm experiencing right now, to be sure — I have not, to date, Given Up.
It is hard. I'm acknowledging that it is hard. But these things tend to go in peaks and troughs, don't they? So here's hoping the upcoming holiday period is a build-up to a nice peak from the trough I'm most definitely in the depths of right at this exact moment.
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