To be perfectly frank with you, dear reader, I sometimes feel like I'm running out of things to write about on this 'ere blog.
It's not true at all, of course — there's always something to write about, however niche interest it might be. But on more than one occasion I've sat down to write and wondered if it was really worth talking about the thing I feel like talking about. My usual response to this particular mental block is just to say "fuck it" and write it anyway, with the usual disclaimer that anything I write here is my own personal opinion and does not reflect the opinions of etc. etc. you know the drill from a million and one Twitter bios.
I do sometimes question why I'm still writing this. This is the 1,260th day since I started writing something on this blog every single day, and my reasons for writing have changed considerably over that time.
Actually, I'm not sure that's entirely true; my reasons for writing here have always been nothing more noble than "for personal satisfaction" and "to have something interesting to do". My feelings towards the things I'm writing have obviously changed in parallel with my life situation at various times, however: when I first started blogging daily, I was still working in teaching and having a thoroughly miserable time; this then proceeded through my 2010 trip to PAX East, a mini-vacation that I maintain is one of the most carefree, happy times I've ever experienced; through the breakup of my marriage; the general collapse of my life as a whole and the subsequent rebuilding thereof.
I find it quite interesting to look back every so often and see the course my life has taken, whether that's through manually navigating to fondly-remembered posts — yes, even with 1,260 daily posts, I still have specific favourites and can usually navigate to them fairly quickly — or clicking the "Random Post" button at the top of the screen.
One thing I have found is that I was at my most creative when I was at my most miserable. I won't lie to you, dear reader, I most certainly haven't shaken off the Black Dog of depression by any means, but I'm a lot better than the emotional wreck I was during the downfall of my marriage. But while I have absolutely no desire to return to those dark days, I do find it intriguing that I found it a lot easier to come up with creative, funny, off-the-wall posts when I was suffering. Perhaps it was a defence mechanism: putting up a barrier around the pain I was feeling in an attempt to not "bring down" everyone around me; perhaps it was just a way of attempting to make myself feel better. I don't know. Whatever it was, I miss it in a perverse sort of way; the flashes of inspiration I had in those days don't come quite as often as they once did.
Said flashes of inspiration were three years ago, though, so it's entirely possible that I'm just older and wiser(?) or, at the very least, just older. I don't really feel that different, though; perhaps it's a subtle thing. The evidence is there, after all.
Anyway, I've pontificated for long enough about nothing at all, but at least it's given me an entry for today. I am tired now. I think it is time to go to sleep. Good night!
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"Hearts and thoughts they fade, faaaaaaade awaaaaay" – Eddie Vedder
Seriously, though, regardless of what you decide to do with the blog long term, you've accomplished something pretty significant that a whole lot of writers wish they could do.
Hi Ho Pete, It's just ol' mymies again. Geeeez – I hear you say. Not her again.
Anywho – I was amused by your pontificating, and thought I'd confirm that age does indeed creep along changing us on the outside but not much on the inside. I sit here and think of all the things I still could do and should do and then remember that I can no longer physically do – well not without dire consequences. I still can ride horses – but the fact that I then can't walk afterwards is a slight drawback. 😀 S i g h . . . .
I like Chris's quote – hmmmmm – but do they really? My head is filled with racing thoughts – they never leave me alone, especially at night when I should be sleeping. I plan what I'll do creatively next day, then get up in the morning and not do them. I work out paintings, and blogs, and creative writing tasks – I have so many as yet unwritten novels to get on with – and do none of them. Procrastination sets in. Or I look at my puter screen and see all the unplayed game icons and think I should get some of them played.
This being a member of BigFish has great benefits – but also as many drawbacks. The games keep piling up – not to mention the free game coupons I earn – I can't find enough games that I want to play and own. There are a lot of inferior games out there as I know you know.
I was also wondering WHEN you get time to write all the stuff for USGamer plus read all the research, play all the games, and then still write this blog of yours. I would sooo hate to see it go. I realise you aren't Superman, or your life wouldn't have taken all the twists and turns it has, but you must be wearing yourself to a frazzle. My Pete was feeling a bit 'off' on the weekend so he had a DAY OF INDOLENCE on Sunday. He did absolutely nothing but lie on the balcony in the sun, read the paper, slept, got up for a drink etc and returned to the recliner – in fact he stayed out there till after dark – I had to go drag him in in the end. He's knackered but won't retire.
Anyway, when did you last have a DOI? And will you only write mini novels for NaNoWriMo? It's a long time to wait to read your next brill work. I mean think of your fans!!! I know!! Use your nightly blogs here to write fiction . . . er I mean, in the novel sense. Mind you this blog could be a whole bunch of fiction and you could be fooling all of us. You could be an accomplished novelist/game industry mogul/millionaire for all we REALLY know. 😀 That'd be nice. You could be a figment of our imagination (great expression but so overused – s i g h . .).
Oh well, enough drivel. This is supposed to be a comment not a chapter. Now I'm too pooped to write my own blog. Not a great loss for anyone.
By the way – I really like the format of the USGamer site. I wonder if WordPress has a Theme that might let me set up my games review site like that? I wanted to comment on one of your blogs on it but it said I had to become a member or something – why is that? So I Shared the comment, via Facebook it seems, so I have no idea if you got it. And I reblogged your 'Gross' blog in mine – hope that's okay.
Carry on . . . .please!
Oh, I will almost certainly continue for an indefinite period of time! My brain works in such a manner that stopping on an arbitrary number such as 1,260 is flat-out unacceptable, so at the very least I will continue until a nice round number, like 1,500 or 2,000 or 2,500 or 5,000 or… uh, where was I?
I can assure you that only the bits specifically marked as fiction are fictional. Everything else is 100% certified truth. OR IS IT? Mwahahaha.
Thanks for the comments on USgamer. You need to become a member to comment so that your comments get appropriately tagged with your username, people can reply to you, that sort of thing. It's a super-simple process and the site doesn't send you any crap via email, but yes, you do need to sign up if you want to participate in discussions. I'd recommend it, as we're gradually building a great community there, and it'd be nice to add another erudite, articulate commenter to the mix. 🙂