1028: Chapter 11

I recounted everything I knew to Laura as she sipped the tea I'd made her. Her eyes were wide, but she didn't say anything. I didn't know if this was because she wanted to let me finish, or because she simply had no response to the bizarre-sounding story I was telling her. Either way, I kept talking.

As I continued explaining all the strange happenings in as much detail as I can, it felt like someone had opened a valve in my mind, and the pressure was gradually releasing. All of these pent-up emotions, worries, anxieties and feelings — all of them were coming out now, and Laura was just listening as I let them out without any sense of shame. I was long past that. Keeping quiet wasn't helping me, and I needed help.

I smiled to myself at that thought. Just a few days ago I'd been so resistant to the idea of asking for help or talking about this, but now I was speaking freely like this — speaking about things that would probably get me committed to a mental institute if I were talking to anyone but Laura.

I wrapped up with the details of my last conversation with Alice, and how she had told me that she was all alone in her world, all by herself. I stopped and waited.

There was silence for a moment. Laura gazed at me, then took a sip of her tea with a soft "slurp" sound. Then she put the cup down on the coffee table next to the chair she was sitting in.

"Here's one part that doesn't make sense," she said, frowning. "You said that the first time you went into Alice's room, she sounded like she thought you were someone else, like she wasn't surprised to see someone else coming in."

I nibbled on the tip of my finger. I had said that. How did I not notice this before? That was a clear inconsistency in Alice's story. The first time I went into her world, she'd asked me what I was doing, asked me what time it was. She didn't know it was me when she said those words, so who was she talking to? If everyone else in her world was gone, as she'd said, then surely she wouldn't have anyone to talk to. So who was she expecting to come into her room that night?

There were several possible explanations, and I didn't know how likely any of them were. The first was that she was simply sleepy and disoriented when she woke up and spoke without thinking, but this didn't seem plausible. Surely even in a bleary-eyed state, she'd know that no-one was around to hear her words.

The second was that she was talking to herself. This seemed equally unlikely, as she'd asked me directly what I was doing, even though she didn't know who it was that had come into her room. So that one was out of the window.

The third was that there was actually someone else in her world and that she had lied to me. As much as I didn't want to think about it, this was probably the most plausible explanation. She didn't sound surprised to hear someone coming into her room in the middle of the night, but she froze solid when she discovered it was me. Perhaps she was expecting my… her… our parents or something.

The fourth and final possibility, so far as I could make out, was that there was someone else out there in a similar situation to me — another "visitor," as it were — who had been paying her occasional visits before my first appearance. I didn't know how likely this was, as I wasn't any closer to figuring out exactly why I was able to visit her in the first place, so I had no idea if anyone else would be able to do it.

I explained my thoughts on these four possibilities to Laura, who looked deep in thought for a moment, and took another swig of tea.

"Hmm," she said. I was impressed how unfazed by all of this she seemed to be. I'd said some pretty outlandish things, but it didn't seem to bother her in the slightest. For some reason, it made me slightly anxious.

"Hmm?" I said.

"Yes, hmm," she said, setting the teacup down again. "I don't think we have enough information to go on just yet. The only real thing we seem to know about when you can… cross over, or whatever it is you're doing… is that it happens at, what, around 2:30?"

"Yeah," I said. But that didn't explain the few exceptions to that rule — the bathroom in college, and that time Alice had come into my room just after the sun had set one day. I said as much.

"Uh-huh," she said. "Let's focus on the 2:30 thing for the moment, then we can think about the others. Does the time 2:30 have some sort of… meaning?"

I racked my brains, trying to think if there was anything relevant that might explain it. 2:30. 2:30 in the morning. Half-past two. What was–

"Holy fuck," I said, more to myself than to Laura.

"What is it?" she asked eagerly. "Did you think of something?"

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I did."

*

My eyes snapped open. I'd been having a nightmare. It was one of those ill-defined nightmares that was just born from depression and anxiety, not anything specific. There was no sense of narrative to it, no purpose, not even anything I'd be able to talk about. It was just the emotion of fear, running away from something terrible that was coming for me. I didn't know what it was or why it was after me, but I knew I needed to be as far away from it as possible.

My body was drenched with sweat, and my pulse was racing. It felt as if I really had been exerting myself; fleeing in terror from whatever terrible fate was pursuing me. I was short of breath; I gasped and tried to calm down, but I couldn't. I was on edge. I felt scared and worried. I couldn't explain why. I just had a terrible feeling, and it wouldn't go away.

I sat up unsteadily and leaned back against the wall. The room was dark, as usual, the only illumination coming from the glowing digits of the battered old clock radio. They gave off a cold, green light, but I found the sight of them to be oddly comforting — a pleasing constant in my life.

I didn't have a bad life, really, but it wasn't particularly good either. I was doing well at my new college, though I was having trouble making friends and felt a bit lonely. I felt anxious about my future, though. I wanted to do the very best I possibly could, and I was never sure if what I was doing was good enough. Was I trying hard enough?

I glanced at the clock radio just as the digits ticked over from 2:29 to 2:30 a.m. I knew I should probably get back to sleep, but I was far too awake and alert right now for that — I was in full-on "fight or flight" mode, and lying down while I was in this state would doubtless just lead to a panic attack and a completely sleepless night. Best that I tried to calm myself down rather than making things difficult for myself.

Suddenly, a piercing sound from the other side of the room. It took me a moment to identify it as the ringtone of my phone which, as usual, I'd put out of reach so I'd have to get up and turn it off in the morning. I jumped to my feet and dove for the phone. The sound was shattering the silence of my room, just as I was getting used to it, and I wanted it to go away.

I didn't recognise the number that was coming up on the screen. I didn't want to answer, but I figured if someone was calling at this hour it was probably important. So, with some trepidation, I tapped the option on the screen to answer the call.

"Hello?" I said in a cracked voice.

*

Laura's eyes had widened yet further.

"Holy fuck," she said, echoing my earlier words. "Yeah. Yeah, that would make sense. Well, not sense, but…"

I scowled at her.

"Sense?" I snapped. "None of this makes any sense. What possible connection could… that… have to what's going on now?"

"Well, not to state the obvious, but… Alice?" said Laura bluntly.

Damn. She was right. But it still didn't really make sense. What was the connection between the events of that night and the other Alice? They shouldn't have anything to do with each other, right? After all, the other Alice was convinced that I was the one who had… departed — me, along with, apparently, everyone else in the world.

Could that have happened at the same time as…

"I can tell you're thinking what I'm thinking," said Laura. "But we have no way of knowing right now."

"Yeah," I said. "The only way I'd be able to find out would be to talk to her and find out, and even then, there's no guarantee that she'd remember the exact time something as awful as…"

I trailed off for a moment. It occurred to me that Alice hadn't explained exactly what had happened to everyone else in her world. She claimed they were all gone, but before she'd had the chance to explain herself, we were torn apart again.

I made a mental note. The next time I saw her, that would be the thing to talk about.

I slumped back against the arm of the sofa and looked wearily at Laura.

"I don't get you," I said quietly.

"What's not to get?" she said softly.

"One minute you're hysterical and upset about me; the next, I feel like you're looking at me as if I'm mad; the next, you're trying your hardest to help me. I guess… I'm just wondering what you're really thinking."

"I want to help," she said simply. "I honestly don't know what to believe right now, even after seeing you disappear from in front of my eyes that time… but the one thing I do know is that I want to help. However I can."

"Just… please promise me one thing," I said.

"Sure," she said.

"Please don't even think about getting me taken away as some sort of nutcase until we've figured this all out," I said. "I know there's the distinct possibility that all of this is some sort of fucking crazy hallucination I'm having from lack of sleep or something, but I need to know for sure. If it looks like, beyond a doubt, I'm going insane, then sure. Do what you need to do. But for now, please, trust me. Believe me. Even if it's difficult. Even if it makes no sense."

"I do," she said without hesitation. "I believe in you. We're going to get through this."