#oneaday Day 303: Uhoh, new hyperfixation

The thing with being autistic, I have both been led to believe and experienced first-hand, is that every so often you get a Great Idea in your head about something you are going to be Into. Sometimes these Things That You Are Now Into stick around and become long-term hobbies and interests, at other times they fall by the wayside. But in my experience, they're usually worth following along with for at least a little while, unless they involve a major uprooting of your entire life. Which they usually don't.

While at the Portsmouth Anime and Gaming Con yesterday, our friend Dan spoke a little about collecting stickers. For some reason, Dan's enthusing about this tripped something in my brain, which suddenly and uncontrollably exploded with a chorus of "I want to be into collecting stickers!".

I actually used to be into collecting stickers when I was a kid. For two separate years, I collected stickers for the Panini sticker album themed around The Beano, and I used to swap stickers with my friend Joanna. Joanna herself is probably a story for another day — and one that, for once, I don't think I've actually told here previously — but all you need to know for now is that we were both pretty avid Beano sticker collectors, but I don't think either of us ever actually completed one of those albums 100%.

Panini stickers were, of course, one of the original "booster packs", and doubtless our parents grit their respective teeth any time we asked for a pack of stickers to go in our albums, particularly if a significant number of them ended up being duplicates of ones we already had. But it was a fun thing to do as a child, and an opportunity to socialise, too; I don't remember anyone else collecting Beano stickers, but I always enjoyed the chance to spend some time with Joanna. As I say, though, story for another day.

So anyway, with that in mind, my brain decided that Now I'm Into Stickers, so I immediately took the opportunity to wander off and buy a few packs of stickers that had caught my eye earlier. And, today, I dug out one of the lovely "journal"-style notebooks I've had in my drawer for ages but never really done anything with, and I started sticking stickers in it. Not only did I stick the stickers I bought yesterday in it, but I stuck some stickers I've had hanging around for ages in there, too; I had, up until this point, resisted sticking them anywhere because I was worried about the "permanence" of whatever I might have stuck them on.

This is actually something that Dan expressed yesterday, too, and thus my immediate solution was to stick them in a book. What's more permanent than a book! Unless you throw it away, obviously. But I'm not planning on throwing this away any time soon.

Anyway, do you want to see? Of course you do. Here:

I like doing title pages in the style of Victorian novels. I have done this for many years now, and I have no intention of stopping.

On the first page, a Neptunia sticker that's been floating around various rooms in my house since Neptunia Game Maker R:Evolution showed up. I finally stuck it in something. So to speak. On the second, one of the first batches of stickers we did as a bonus extra in Evercade cartridges: a selection of sprites and artwork from Indie Heroes Collection 1, a compilation of "modern retro" games made by today's indie developers for vintage systems.

On the next page, some stickers from Piko Interactive Collection 2 for Evercade, which technically came out before Indie Heroes Collection 1 and thus was the trigger for me to add the "in no particular order" caveat to the title page of this volume. On the following page, a selection of stickers from the Goodboy Galaxy/Witch n' Wiz dual cartridge for Evercade, focusing on the former game. If you've never played Goodboy Galaxy I highly recommend it; it's an excellent exploratory platformer.

Then we have the stickers that came with Toaplan Arcade 3 and Data East Arcade 2 for Evercade, mostly based on the original cabinet or marquee art for these games.

And the same deal for these stickers, from Toaplan Arcade 4 and Atari Arcade 2.

Then a bumper crop of stickers from the Strictly Limited Games release of Sisters Royale, a shoot 'em up by the folks who made the Castle of Shikigami series. A lot of folks have beef with Strictly Limited for the amount of time they take to make their physical editions of games — I have some orders that have been outstanding for multiple years — but they always come through eventually. Their special editions are some of the highest quality but most affordable special editions I have on my shelves.

A bit of overflow of Sisters Royale stickers here, plus the first of the sticker packs I bought yesterday from the Portsmouth Anime and Gaming Con. This "Pretty Girls Sticker Pack" is by an art studio called Kumigaki.

And finally, for now, anyway, a few Final Fantasy VII-themed stickers I nabbed from a local outfit known as Taroball Studios.

So there we go. Stickers! And none of the dissatisfaction with empty spaces you got with Panini albums. I wonder if I'll ever fill this book? Only one way to find out!


Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 204: What it means to be "on the spectrum"

I saw one of those "online autism spectrum disorder" tests going around on Bluesky earlier, so I decided to take it. I already know that I'm autistic, but the interesting thing about this test is that it promised a certain degree of granularity about the different contributing aspects of autistic spectrum conditions, and I thought it might be interesting to discuss a bit.

First of all, here's my result. I will add a disclaimer to this that online tests like this are not a substitute for getting actually diagnosed by a professional, but the questions used in tests like this are much like the ones you'll be asked if and when you are professionally diagnosed. Basically, use things like this as a guide to determine whether or not you might want to seek additional information, not as a diagnosis in themselves.

Fixations and Restricted Interests

These are both areas that I scored highly on, and this will not be surprising to anyone who knows me. My interests are relatively limited in scope — writing, video games and music — but I enjoy each of them deeply. When I involve myself in them, they are the things I focus on, and there are times when I'm not able to indulge at least one of those interests that I start feeling restless.

The obvious benefit of fixations and a limited spectrum of interests is that they are comforting and familiar — a good place to "retreat" to when things get difficult. But they can also make one prone to being inflexible and not open to new experiences.

I don't think I'm particularly closed to new experiences per se, but particularly in more recent years, I have found my existing interests to be of increasing comfort — and frustrating when others that I care about don't seem to share my passion and enthusiasm for them.

Flat Speech

This is one I didn't score particularly highly on as I believe it's something that I've actually worked on and improved in more recent years — my work on YouTube in particular has been a key part of that.

But I recognise that there are situations where I don't feel comfortable "letting loose" or showing exaggerated emotions, even if I'm actually feeling those things. I guess that falls into this category, too, and it's something I've always found a bit difficult.

I think part of it is a self-perception thing; I see the potential me reacting in various ways and thinking that people will mock me for it — or, at the very least, tell other people how I reacted, and I don't like it when people talk about me like that. It's hard to pin down why I feel that way — surely it's nice for someone to hear when someone they know was happy? — but I've always felt that way. And thus it's just sort of easier to… not react in a particularly strong way.

Noise Sensitivity

This is something that has definitely gotten worse in more recent years. I talked recently about how the venues for my work Christmas party were much too loud for me to cope with, and my extreme-feeling reactions to that are definitely a recent issue, as I used to go out to noisy clubs and bars with friends all the time when I was a bit younger.

For me, I don't think it's so much the noise itself that bothers me, more that the noise makes doing other things — such as having a conversation with someone — difficult. There are few social situations I enjoy less than having a yelled conversation with someone sitting right next to me and having to ask them to repeat themselves multiple times. It makes me feel inordinately self-conscious and want to nope out of that conversation as quickly as possible.

Elsewhere in the world of noise sensitivity, I feel like I've always been able to hear some things that others couldn't. I could always hear CRT whine when other people around me couldn't, for example, and I often pick out sounds that Andie can't hear. Part of this is doubtless down to my musical training — I can easily pick out individual lines in an ensemble piece, for example — but it's also partly the condition talking.

Social Difficulty

Probably my biggest bugbear. I do not remember how to make friends, and I have had tremendous trouble holding on to friends as time has gone by. Self-confidence issues relating to my body image have exacerbated this problem considerably in the last 5 years or so, too, though they have always been present to an extent.

There's not a lot more I can say about this, really. I don't dislike socialising with people, but I like it to be in a situation where I feel in control of my part in the situation — and free to leave, if need be — and can actually hear what's going on.

Anxiety

Yep. Perpetual worrying has only gotten worse as time has gone on. In retrospect, I have suffered this for many years of my life, probably from childhood onwards, but it's been a particular problem in my adult life. I had a nervous breakdown during my teaching career, I have traumatic flashbacks to various events in my life I'd rather not recall and sometimes my brain just panics for no real reason.

Motor Issues

I wouldn't say this is a major problem for me, but I am quite clumsy and always have been, and during childhood I was believed to be dyspraxic. I even had one of those funny rubber pen holder things that would supposedly make me hold it properly.

I don't particularly struggle with day-to-day getting around and stuff, and there are elements of precision — like playing a musical instrument, say — where I'm absolutely fine, but it doesn't surprise me that this is a consideration when talking about autistic spectrum disorders.

Eye Contact Issues

Ties in with the social stuff. I'm not always at ease even when having a conversation with someone I like and am close to, and I will often avoid eye contact. I can feel myself doing it, and I am also very conscious of other people using eye contact in ways that are different to me, such as maintaining eye contact or continuing to look at someone even when not actively addressing them.

Tics, Fidgets and Repetitive Behaviours

These came out surprisingly high. I'm not someone who rocks back and forth or makes repetitive noises or anything like that, but there are little things I do when I'm anxious (or bored), such as fiddling with my beard. I can't say that they're conscious coping mechanisms that I deliberately do, but I occasionally notice myself falling into these habits.

Aggression

I'm generally not a super-angry person, or I try not to be anyway, but when things go unexpectedly wrong I sometimes react with what would probably be considered a disproportionate amount of upset or frustration. I am especially susceptible to demonstrating aggressive tendencies if my routines or fixations are disturbed somehow, but it's more common that I'll feel anxiety or depression rather than anger.

Depression

"Individuals with ASD may experience feelings of isolation, sadness and hopelessness."

Tick, tick and tick.


So that's that. If you want to take the test yourself, you can find it here. If you do take it, please bear in mind my disclaimer above!


Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

If you want this nonsense in your inbox every day, please feel free to subscribe via email. Your email address won't be used for anything else.