People have been banging on about how good Balatro is for ages now, so the other day I decided to actually download it and give it a go. I had nothing in particular against it, but I am also inordinately wary any time something — particularly an indie darling — gets hyped up as much as Balatro has been.

In this case, I think the praise the game has received is very much deserved. Balatro is a game that knows exactly what it wants to be, and all it does is achieve that goal. It doesn't have any pretensions of being high art, it's not doing that thing where "you think it's a card game but it's actually a horror game lololololololooool", it's not psychologically profiling you or gearing up for a singular jumpscare as your playtime hits exactly 256 minutes. It's just a game that has a clear, non-narrative premise, and executed brilliantly.

Balatro is ostensibly a card game "roguelike", but as with most games that bastardise that term these days, all that really means is that there are randomised elements to each game, and when you lose you have to start over from the beginning. There's also a persistent element where the more you play, the more potential "things" you unlock to appear in a run, so even if you beat a run in it quickly, the more you play, the more varied things should, in theory, get.

Balatro is based around poker — a fact which caused the European games rating board PEGI to shit itself and whack it with a completely undeserved 18+ rating well after it had already been released — but is not really a "gambling" game as such. The poker connection is simply the means through which you interact with the game, and it has rather more relaxed rules than "real" poker. In terms of poker variations, Balatro is probably closest to electronic video poker — a fact which it leans into with a nicely understated fake CRT look and some nice pixel art.

Your aim in Balatro is to sequentially defeat a series of "blinds" and "bosses" by scoring a particular number of points in a limited number of hands played. Each round allows you a certain number of discards, and each "hand" played can have between one and five cards.

Each of the common poker hands — high card, pair, two pair, three of a kind, full house, four of a kind, flush, straight, straight flush, royal flush, five of a kind — has a base value that is calculated as a number of "chips" multiplied by a value known as "mult". The base number of chips is then added to by the value of the cards played — with face cards being worth 10 and aces 11 — and the result is the number of points you attain for that hand. Naturally, the more complex poker hands are, at the outset of the game, worth more points.

One interesting thing about Balatro is that you don't have to play "legal" hands. If you just want to get rid of some cards but you have a pair, you can play the pair plus three more cards, and the three "extras" will just get discarded and redrawn. You can also just discard and redraw up to five cards at once a set number of times per round. So long as you meet the score target, you move onto the next round, which has a higher target — and, if it's a "boss" round, which occurs after "small blind" and "big blind" rounds, some special rule comes into play.

The boss rules vary quite considerably from run to run. Sometimes a single suit might be "debuffed", meaning any cards of that suit you play don't add any extra points to a hand during scoring — though they're still considered a valid part of the hand. Sometimes, some or all of your cards may be drawn face down, forcing you to either play blind or use up your discards. Sometimes you have to reach the target using just a single hand. And there are plenty more variations besides.

In order to keep up with the escalating score targets, between each round you can access a "shop", which allows you to purchase specific cards or randomised booster packs to help you out. Planet cards boost the base value of specific poker hands. Arcana cards have various special effects that often allow you to transform cards into more valuable versions of themselves. Spectral cards have particularly powerful effects and don't come up all that often. And standard booster packs simply allow you to supplement your standard 52-card deck with additional cards that may work out in your favour.

Probably the most significant thing you can buy at the shop is a Joker. Rather than simply acting as a "wild card", Jokers instead provide continual passive benefits, and there are many possible effects. Some simply provide a flat increase to chips or mult. Some have conditional bonuses, where you need to play particular cards, or hold particular cards in your hand. Some have special abilities that can be activated in various ways. They are always absolutely key to your success, and the Jokers you choose to hold onto will direct the way you play quite significantly.

For example, a torn Joker provides you with a big bonus if you play hands of 3 cards or fewer at a time. This obviously discourages you from playing things like Full House and Four of a Kind, so you will want to seek out planet cards that boost things like Pair, Three of a Kind and High Card.

Another Joker grows in power according to how many Arcana cards you play, so you will want to specifically seek out ways of acquiring as many of these as possible. Another still provides significant bonuses if you play 10s and 4s as part of your hand. And the list goes on.

The thing I think I like most about Balatro is that it takes something everyone can relate to — playing with cards — and implements it in such a way that would be largely impossible (or at least very impractical) to do in real life. It is exquisitely designed; very easy to pick up, but tricky to master, and each run is markedly different from the last.

Perhaps best of all is how it doesn't overcomplicate things. No needless dialogue, no plot, no explanation of why you're playing this curious twist on poker or attempt to tie it into a greater storyline. The game just is. It has no goal other than to provide a satisfying, enjoyable experience for the player — and it succeeds at this absolutely admirably.

I've always been someone who enjoys narrative in games — but sometimes you just want to play something without getting bogged down in story context. Balatro provides exactly that. And, given that Microsoft now charges a subscription fee to make Windows Solitaire ad-free, I feel like Balatro absolutely should take its place as the office timewaster of choice. It has the same appeal elements as Windows Solitaire, after all — and not a microtransaction or ad in sight. Bliss.

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