#oneaday Day 125: He's Having an Episode

Episodic gaming is, for many publishers, the "holy grail" of digital distribution. If they can figure out a way to hook a player in and keep them interested in their piece of interactive entertainment, there's no reason why it shouldn't keep going and going and going until people lose interest — like a TV show.

But the trouble is, a lot of developers have great difficulty releasing episodic content in a timely manner. Valve are obviously right out with their years elapsed between Half-Life 2 episodes and the conspicuous lack of Episode Three. Telltale are closer, with their monthly episode, but it's still not quite the same as a TV show.

Oddly enough, the games that have pretty much got it spot on are two games buried deep in the heart of the App Store that you'll probably never pay any attention to. But I'm here to tell you that if you're the slightest bit interested in exploring a bold experiment in episodic interactive content, then you really, really need to try out Cause of Death and Surviving High School, two games built around the same basic visual novel-style engine but which manage to be very different from one another.

Cause of Death is a full-on interactive detective show. It's presented very simply with static backdrops, text narration and character portraits, but it works extremely well thanks to the attractive artwork, well-written (if overly-peppered with exclamation marks) dialogue, strong characters and excellent music. It's also interesting in that you regularly switch between different characters — including the victims of crimes, which is an interesting approach. Gameplay is extremely simple, consisting of reading text and occasionally making choices, some of which are against a time limit (and for some of which the correct option is to not make a decision) and acquiring "Detective Score". Acquiring enough points in each chapter unlocks bonus scenes, so there's plenty of incentive to do your best.

Surviving High School, on the other hand, is very different, despite using the same game engine. It's more of a social/dating sim, based around a character you name and choose the appearance of yourself. There's a lot more "branching" to the story depending on who you talk to, who you choose to date and decisions you make. And there's a lot more minigames which would be pretty cheesy in a computer-based adventure game (wordsearches, pop quizzes, that sort of thing) but work extremely well on the iPhone's touchscreen. Again, it's written with some very appealing (if stereotypical) characters who all have a story to tell. Plenty of replay value, too, as decisions you make mean that you'll see certain scenes and not others.

But that's the game you download. The really interesting thing comes in the episodic content. The app you download is "Season One" of the respective game, which tells a complete story and is a satisfying experience in itself. Beyond that, though, there's a new episode that "airs" every week and can be downloaded for free while it's available. And past episodes are available "on demand" for a fee — in the case of Cause of Death, you can buy the whole of Season Two for under two quid and it's then 59p per pair of episodes after that. Haven't checked Surviving High School yet but it's probably something similar.

This, right here, is the correct way to do it. Weekly updates mean that people will stay engaged with the game, especially as they're free while they're "airing". Episodes on demand allow the developers to make some money from the games, which can then be ploughed back into development of further episodes or new titles. And because the tech of the games is so simple, it probably doesn't cost that much to make new episodes — meaning both games are probably nice little money-spinners for EA.

Regardless of how much money EA is making off them, though, they're both excellent titles for fans of the visual novel style of gameplay, and I will certainly be exploring the further episodes in more detail. Both games have free, ad-supported versions available (and they're only 59p each for ad-free versions, so they don't exactly break the bank) so why not check them out?

#oneaday Day 124: Landmark

It's quite amazing what you find right under your own nose sometime. No, I'm not talking about that disgusting green mucous that dribbled forth from your nostrils when you had that really hot chilli earlier. I'm talking about the cool stuff in the place where you live — or in the places near where you live — that you completely ignore because, well, they're right there and therefore you take them for granted.

I'm specifically referring to London which, if you're paying attention, you'll know I'm currently sitting in. London is full of Awesome Stuff, yet if you work here, or spend most of your visits to our nation's illustrious capital hunting down job interviews, yelling into a mobile phone or attempting to cross the entire city without leaving a Pret A Manger for more than two minutes then you probably won't notice them.

I went to the Tower of London today. Yes, the one with the ravens and the executions and all that stuff. It's an impressive structure, and properly interesting to wander around inside, if only because it's a very old castle that is pretty much completely intact, although they don't chop people's heads off there any more. The Crown Jewels are pretty impressive, too — very sparkly, though a bit too bling for everyday wear, to be honest. And the coronation robe looks a bit like a pair of curtains.

The guided tour around the place — a thing I normally hate with a passion, as you inevitably get stuck behind a sweaty German tourist who is sixteen feet taller than you, has a chronic flatulence problem and no sense of personal space — was highly entertaining thanks to the Yeoman's sense of humour and entertaining mannerisms. He made the stories about various people having their heads chopped off interesting, and gave some interesting context to the relics and antiquities on display in the museumy parts of the tower.

From the equipment on display, we can conjecture that all previous Kings of England were tanking classes, thanks to their heavy plate armour, though many later monarchs favoured the flintlock pistol, including one absolutely massive one that must have been about eight feet long, thereby disqualifying itself from the "pistol" category somewhat.

Interestingly, there was also a P-90 "Personal Defense Weapon", last seen in GoldenEye 007 on the Nintendo 64 — and in StarGate, apparently. Oh, and a gold-plated sub-machine gun. And a jewel-encrusted pistol that was actually a working thing, confiscated by the police. Kind of awesome, even if it did actually kill someone.

So anyway, this rambling does have a point: if you live somewhere with something awesome (or near somewhere with something awesome) then for God's sake go and visit it. It's famous for a reason.

#oneaday Day 123: Going Underground

The London Underground is, like most subterranean metro systems, something of a mixed blessing. It allows you to quickly and easily traverse London without having to take your own life into your hands every time you cross a road, but sometimes I wonder if the very nature of the transport system makes it less efficient than it perhaps could be.

Take my journey to where I am right now, for example. (In a hotel overlooking Tower Bridge.) I had to catch a Circle Line train from Kings Cross to get here. In order to get from the platform where my train arrived into Kings Cross to the platform where Circle Line trains departed from, I had to walk for a good 10-15 minutes, including up and down a few sets of stairs and through a labyrinthine series of corridors that the Minotaur would be proud of.

It gets worse if you have to change lines somewhere. Not only do you have to walk all the way to the platform, you then have to get off and walk for another 10-15 minutes to get to the other line in the station, which is inevitably a very long distance away, somewhere deep in the bowels of the Earth.

And then when you poke your head back out above ground, you realise that the fifteen stops you've taken have actually caused you to travel less than a mile, and that you can still see your starting point from where you are sitting right now.

Despite all this, though, I kind of like travelling on the Underground. It presents a curious assault on the senses, the likes of which you don't get anywhere else. There's the smell, for one thing — and I'm not talking about the pissy scent of a tramp who has collapsed, possibly dead, somewhere in the station. I'm talking about that strange smell you get near the platforms. I have no idea what it is, and it's probably something unpleasant, but I kind of like it.

Then there's the sound. Underground trains make great noises. From the vwwwwoooooooo they make when they're moving to the clackity-clack of running over bumpy bits in the track (fear my technical knowhow of how the rail systems of this country work) to the unnecessarily plummy voice of the automated announcement system, there's a great combination of sounds.

Plus, if you ever get bored waiting for a train, you can always play the Which Rat Is Going To Get Electrocuted First game, the rules of which I probably don't need to explain.

#oneaday Day 122: Musical Theatre is Gay

I'd write about the fact Osama bin Laden is dead, but it's probably already been done to death from every possible angle, whether it's the morbid nature of the celebration of death, or the woefully ill-informed Facebook status updates that resulted from the event. It's a big deal, of course, but I'm not going to write about it.

No, I'm going to write about how gay musical theatre is. Your interpretation of what I mean by the word "gay" is entirely up to you, thereby absolving me of any responsibility for inappropriate usage.

Anyway. Musical theatre. It's one of those things that despite myself I find myself liking a great deal — at least the good ones, anyway. And by "good ones", I mean ones with catchy tunes, preferably with some stupidly silly big chorus numbers that make a massive deal out of something relatively mundane, possibly with tap dancing.

The reason I'm thinking about musical theatre is, of course, partly due to the fact that I saw Chicago at the weekend, and partly due to the fact that I spent most of my 3 hour drive home last night listening to the Spamalot soundtrack. These represent two polar opposites of the musical theatre spectrum — Chicago is pretty serious, though it does have elements of comedy, and is pretty abstract by virtue of the fact that there's no set, everyone female is dressed in lacy black lingerie throughout and everyone male is dressed in tight waistcoats, trousers and displaying rippling man-torsos. Spamalot, on the other hand, I haven't seen, but the soundtrack is very much aware of the absurdity of musical theatre and embraces it to produce a particularly enjoyable selection of songs.

Not every musical gets it right, of course. I had the misfortune to listen to some of Whistle Down the Wind at one point and found it immensely tedious to listen to, and also it had crap piano parts. It left me with no desire to go and see the show — it might actually be good, but the fact the music was so dull and morose made me actively want to avoid it altogether.

Also, the presence of Andrew Lloyd Webber on every reality TV show vaguely connected to musical theatre makes me want to avoid anything he's ever done. Although he does use more interesting key signatures than a lot of other composers, though that doesn't make his stuff inherently "better". That's like saying Gears of War is better than Recettear because there are more polygons. Also, you probably know my stance on Gears of War by now.

I probably have a point somewhere, but the faint delirium of still being pretty tired is causing it to vanish into the ether somewhere. I shall attempt to sum up what may be my point, then, by saying that I, a heterosexual male completely comfortable in my own sexuality (except when on Twitter, when a number of people bring out a frankly terrifying amount of latent gayness) enjoy musicals and have absolutely no shame in this whatsoever.

And they are totally gay. Because they make me smile and fill me with joy.

Hah. See what I did there? I took the word "gay" and… oh, never mind. It just sounds like I like gay things now. Which, if you raid my iTunes library, probably isn't that far from the truth.

#oneaday Day 121: First of May

Good evening all! It's a little late, I know, but I've just got back from the weekend of my birthday celebrations which actually turned out to be rather more of a big deal than I originally anticipated. Still, nothing like seeing in a significant milestone in your ageing process with a bang, is there?

I can safely say that this weekend just gone has been pretty damn awesome. Definitely the best birthday I've ever had and certainly one of the best — if not the best — weekends I've ever had. So wins all round on that front, then.

A big public thank you to everyone who helped make this weekend what it was, and an extra special thank you to Andie, who not only took me to London on Royal Wedding day (a less unwise thing to do than it sounds, surprisingly) and spoiled me rotten with dinner, a show, awesome company and a lovely hotel, but is also the reason I am now in possession of the only existing canvas print (to my knowledge, anyway) of one of my silly cartoon strips. Pictures to come.

Thanks, too, to everyone who came out last night — there were a lot more of you than I was expecting, which was awesome, though I'm pretty sure it made the nice men who ran the restaurant want to kill us. But oh well — we ate lots and left them a pretty generous tip, frankly, so I'm sure they can deal with it.

Sorry that some of you weren't able to make it out, but I'm almost certain I will catch up with each and every one of you. I'm talking particularly to my friends in the Southampton area here, obviously — those of you who are further afield (such as in different countries!) I will come and see you when I win the lottery!

I think I've mentioned this before (in fact, in four hundred and *mumble* entries, I've probably mentioned most things at least once) but I find it interesting how somewhere can still feel like "home" even when you don't live there any more. Southampton may not be the nicest place in the universe, but I spent a significant proportion of my life there, and as such, every time I go back — and see the people whom I associate with that place, even if they also don't live there any more — it feels like coming home. The familiar streets, the same old shops, the same old throngs of zombie-like pedestrians congregating like a gibbering horde outside WestQuay. It's a comforting sense of familiarity, and while I may never live specifically in Southampton again (possibly) it's nice to know it's a place I can definitely hang my hat on and call "home".

Conversely, the place I currently live in — the home I grew up in, in deepest darkest Cambridgeshire — hasn't felt like home since I left for the first time back in 1999. This may be because of the fact I barely know anyone here any more and thus don't really socialise or get involved in nightlife around here much (nor do I have any real desire to, to be honest, as at some point I'll move on again) or it may be the fact that I moved back here last September out of necessity rather than a desire to. It may also be something to do with the fact that the majority of my worldly possessions are still in cardboard boxes in the garage, meaning I haven't really made my living space completely "my own" — because, well, it's not. But needs must and all that.

But enough of that. It's 20 past midnight and I am absolutely exhausted after a long drive. I am going to sleep like a log tonight. Starting now.

Thanks again to all who made this weekend what it was. I'll see you all — along with the people I didn't get a chance to see — soon!

#oneaday Day 120: Communal Blogging II

Hello! I am in the pub with good friends celebrating my birthday. As a result, it seems like a good time to take the Communal Blogging approach, where everyone present gets to write a short paragraph. This also absolves me of responsibility for any drunken grammatical errors because they probably weren't my fault. So there. Without further ado, here comes the first paragraph from someone who isn't me.

Aren't kittens awesome. I mean like cats in general to be honest, all fwuffeh and cute and slinky and tired and stretchy and shit. Like I said. Awesome.

Luke is being all kinds of mean on twitter. I think that Amy may destroy him at some point. Sometimes, I worry about Luke. And then sometimes I just don't care.

So Luke just tried to steal Pete's iPhone how rude!?? Honestly I had to resort to telling him off like one of my students, I'm not so sure that I can achieve the standard Q31 in a pub on a Saturday night!!

"What's a lovely curry" said pete and Graham sneezed on Laura, in which she replied "you need to be wiped down" pete then jokingly laughed and called graham a "dirty boy" ..which he liked a little too much.

Thanks pete for a great night. Was also really nice to meet andi who I forgot I met before. Is good to see you happy. Ultimately it's been fun to be around people who make me laugh and who are interesting. Happy 30th.

Absolutely splendid night with my mate pete-not entirely sure what should be written here, but I've had a few pints and honestly life is quite good! Great to see friends grow up, although not too much thankfully-and its nice to have a chat with new people-with a lowest common denominator (that's you pete). Right, should stop- fact from tonight-9 out of 10 people have an iPhone…..if you believe tonight's statistics…

Pete! What more needs to be said? You're amazing. Good job!!

Well, here we are again. It's a Saturday night on the whiskey. Curry has been done (full!) and gin has been given. Why are we here? For wholly celebratory purposes, of course. Unless you mean life, in which case I haven't the foggiest, save to say it doesn't involve a god of any sort that I know of. Music is probably the answer. That or inevitable death. Cheery, eh? Yep, that'll be the whiskey talking…

Well done everyone. Thank you for your contributions. Good night!

#oneaday Day 119: Birth Day

It's my birthday today! I'm 30. Changes of decade are generally assumed to be significant events, but really, once you pass the age of 18, there are very few really meaningful age milestones and the number of years you've been alive is just a number. So I've been alive for 30 years, and I've not achieved many of the things I'm supposed to achieve before you're 30. In fact, I've never bothered to make a list of "things I want to do before I'm 30" and when probed recently, my friends couldn't come up with many things worth doing that I would no longer be able to do after today. So that's good.

Birthdays have been something of a non-event for a while. They're one of those things like Easter and Christmas that cease to have any real meaning after you've "grown up", whatever that means. So I haven't been expecting that much from them for quite a few years. And, generally speaking, this has meant I haven't been particularly disappointed — they've been pleasant enough, with a few presents, cards and whatnot, but nothing particularly remarkable.

This year's a bit different, though. Despite the fact that turning 30 is ultimately meaningless, I'd figured it might be nice to do something to remember. And my awesome girlfriend agreed — so it is that we're currently sitting in a nice hotel in London having just seen Chicago at the Cambridge Theatre, and tomorrow we're off to Southampton to eat curry, see friends and generally have a good time.

Chicago, for anyone considering seeing it, by the way, is awesome, clever, full of catchy tunes and a selection of fine lady-arses and rippling man-torsos (depending on what you're into, of course.) Also, most of the cast is inexplicably dressed in their underwear throughout, so bonus.

So this birthday has been awesome for many reasons, not least of which is the fact that my last birthday was just before lots of things went to shit. But the less said about all that the better now, as it's hopefully been pretty clear from here and Twitter and whatnot that things — while not perfect just yet — are at least on the up and improving.

This is good. I approve of things getting better. And I have a feeling they're going to continue to improve. My thirties could well be the decade where Good Things Happen. Where I find some sort of "life course", as it were. Because although I've technically had a "career" when I was a teacher, it clearly wasn't the right thing for me.

So here's to being 30. It's been pretty good so far, frankly, and let's hope it continues to be awesome.

Oh, right, and two rich white people got married today too, apparently.

#oneaday Day 118: Among Friends

It's said that you can't switch on your TV and not be able to watch an episode of Top Gear, Friends or Scrubs. And far from being a bad thing, I feel this is very much a good thing. Your opinion on the matter will, of course, vary according to your opinion of the programmes in question. But I happen to like them all very much.

Friends in particular, it has to be said. Friends finished long ago now, of course, but it will always hold a fond place in my heart. I started watching it when I was back at school, and it quickly became one of those shows that I felt the need to tape every single episode of, and ended up with several bajillion VHS cassettes' worth.

I'm not sure exactly what it is that I like about it. I think it's the fact that the characters are very strong and recognisable — so much so that their own mannerisms have entered the realms of popular culture.

There's also the fact that most people can relate to at least one of the characters. Amongst all my friends, I know plenty of people who are Joeys, Rosses, Chandlers, Monicas, Phoebes and Rachels. And plenty who are combinations. (I also know plenty of people who are the cast of The Inbetweeners, too, but that's another story altogether.)

Mostly, though, I think it's the fact that every episode is both inoffensive and amusing, easy to watch and seemingly infinitely rewatchable. The ultimate in disposable TV. Comfort viewing.

It'll be a sad day for me if E4 ever stop showing episodes of Friends. For one, it'll mean I finally have to bite the bullet and purchase the complete DVD box set, something which I've successfully managed to avoid doing for the last ten years.

In unrelated news, it's my birthday tomorrow. I will be 30. How exciting! Or possibly depressing, I haven't quite made my mind up yet. (Except my lovely girlfriend is whisking me away for a fantastic birthday weekend, so the event itself will be totally brilliant and awesome, so that's pretty much decided. Hurrah!)

#oneaday Day 117: Super-Pete

One of the most commonly-asked questions from people with no imagination is "what superpower would you have if you… err… had a superpower?" Sometimes they leave out the "err" bit and maybe phrase it a bit better, but it's been a terribly long day and I've written an absolute shitload of content for a number of different outlets today. It's good to feel like I'm working!

But anyway. What superpower would I have? Well, that's a simple one to answer because I've thought it over many a time: shapeshifting.

Come on. Being a shapeshifter would be awesome. You could turn into a cat and sleep all day, or use your agility to escape from assailants. You could turn into someone of the opposite sex and answer that question that's been bugging you all these years. Yes, that one. I know what you're thinking. You could turn into a xylophone and allow someone to play you as a party trick.

Of course, there are spectacular opportunities for wrongdoing if you can make yourself look like absolutely anyone else. The temptation to mess with people would be enormous. Fortunately, I like to think I'm the sort of guy who would be able to resist such base temptations. Except if the opportunity arose to fuck with four particular people, who are the only people in the world I hold grudges against and probably always will. Bunch of bastards.

But anyway, that aside, I would use my powers for good — though precisely how is something I haven't quite thought of, yet. I guess I could get a job as a body double for someone rich, famous and/or important and put myself at risk of being shot. Unfortunately, of course, being a shapeshifter probably doesn't mitigate the damage from a bullet (unless you pull an Odo and liquefy yourself immediately as the projectile hits you, which needs some seriously lightning reactions, although given I managed to catch a completely full pint glass from falling off a table without spilling any once, I think I might be able to avoid a bullet) so that might not be the best plan.

I could make public appearances for celebrities who are too lazy to go out and do them themselves. But then the temptation to do bad and wrong things comes up again. Get hired by Cheryl Cole to take her place opening a supermarket or something, and the natural urge would, of course, be to get one's tits out and run around shouting "Wark! Wark! Cock!" Or something. You know. I haven't really thought it through that much.

I guess it actually wouldn't be that "useful" per se, but it would certainly be interesting to be able to change your appearance completely at will. That way you can genuinely see who is bullshitting you when they say they don't care about appearance.

#oneaday Day 116: Hacked Off

So, Sony fucked up. Pretty bigstyle. And yet I find myself less angry at them and their incompetent handling of the situation and more angry at the fact this situation even arose in the first place.

I'm talking, of course, about hackers. Hacking, despite people not really knowing what it is outside of representations that they've seen in movies, is one of the things people are most paranoid about in the online age — and with Sony's PR disaster in full swing at the minute, it's easy to see why, as people frantically cancel their credit cards and change all their passwords on the offchance that some bearded, smelly loser (not me) may pick their personal details to commit fraud with.

In practice, it seems that a lot of hacks are committed to make a point rather than cause damage as such, whatever Introversion Software's excellent Uplink might have you believe. But for a service as inoffensive as PSN, it just seems spiteful to attack it. Anonymous had its high-profile throwing-toys-out-of-a-pram moment a week or two ago but they claim they're not responsible for this latest incident as they're supposedly "on the side of the consumer". That and everyone was yelling at them for fucking up PSN when people just wanted to get online, play stuff and buy stuff.

I guess it's just like any other crime — crime shouldn't happen, but it does, whether it's in the real or virtual world. However nice it'd be to imagine a Star Trek-esque future where crime and war between humans is a thing of the past, it's not going to happen — or at least, not for a long time. As long as there are people out there who feel a misplaced sense of "entitlement" — whether it's to get their hands on software they haven't paid for, to steal people's personal information or just to fuck everyone else's enjoyment up — then we can never feel completely "safe" and confident.

Which is a shame, really, isn't it? So much of new technology is genuinely awesome when used properly. Were the threat of hacking and other technology crime not present, the capabilities of devices could be even more awesome. But as it is, so much time and money has to be spent on installing cutting-edge security into every single device we own that things are probably held back from where they could be if security wasn't such an issue.

Oh, I know. It's nice to want things, and some sort of Utopia would supposedly get boring quite quickly, but I'd certainly like to enjoy it, if only for a while. But it's never going to happen — the world is full of just enough arseholes to make life less enjoyable for the majority, non-arsehole population out there.

So, arseholes, a big fuck you, and I hope your cock falls off. Into a fire. Which someone then douses with acid, mistaking it for water. And then feeds you the remains. And then jams a really sharp spike right up your bum-hole.

Yeah.