#oneaday Day 955: Ten Signs You've Been Working From Home for Too Long

I've been working from home ever since I decided that teaching was Not The Career For Me, and I like it a lot. I never really enjoyed the office environment of "traditional" jobs, and in the time-sensitive environment of a school you never have a moment to sit back and relax or, as is more commonly needed, sit with your head in your hands crying profusely. Freelancing affords one the luxury of flexibility at the expense of security, though I've been pretty lucky in my last couple of gigs to find myself with stable, predictable income each month. Okay, I had almost a year where I was pulling in a couple of hundred dollars a month and sometimes nothing at all. But things are, touch wood, now Going Well.

Working from home comes with its own pitfalls, however. Naturally, I haven't fallen prey to any of what I am about to describe; this post simply serves as a warning to those of you made of less stern stuff than I am.

Without further messing around, then, let's jump right into ten things that might make you feel like getting a "real" job might not be such a terrible idea after all.

You stop dressing for success. Or indeed at all.

If you can work in your pants, there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to get dressed in order to do your work, right? Well, no, unless you're participating in some sort of webcam conference, and even then you only really need to be "all business" up top.

Still, specifically getting dressed — even if it's only throwing on a stinky t-shirt — helps get you in the mindset that Now Is Work Time. You can always take your trousers off again later.

Having a poo with the door open becomes default behaviour.

You might think that settling down for a long dump while leaving the door open so you can still hear your music/see the TV is a great idea if there's no-one in the house. And indeed it is one of life's great pleasures to do so.

But when this becomes default behaviour — when you start leaving the door open even for music you don't really like or for, say X-Factor on TV, then you may have a problem.

To rid yourself of this issue, reach an agreement with your partner/housemate/parents (delete as applicable) that at least once per week, they will come home at an unexpected time. You'll soon learn to be ashamed of your body and the things it does again.

Every time you see the postman, he apologises for waking you.

Related to the first point above, if you answer the door to the postman in a dressing gown, he will probably assume he has woken you, even if it's lunchtime. Avoid this misunderstanding by putting some clothes on before answering the door.

If you are worried that you won't be able to dress yourself before he puts one of those "sorry we missed you" cards through the door, keep a cache of "emergency clothes" handy near the door that are easy to put on — tracksuit bottoms and some sort of zip-up jacket or shirt are a good idea. They don't have to match.

Your masturbation-to-work ratio gets rather lop-sided.

If you're spending more time wanking than doing something useful, you aren't working hard enough. Very simple.

Coffee consumption goes through the roof.

If you're getting through a packet/tin/jar of coffee in less than a week, you're probably drinking too much. I know you need to stay on top of your game and churn out those 15,000 words you promised by yesterday, but man, seriously. Imbibing so much caffeine that you can feel your heart going "OH MY GOD STOP STOP NOW" is not the way forward.

You start exhibiting behaviours typically reserved for the clinically insane.

Are you walking around your house mumbling obscenities over and over again because they "sound funny"? Are you dancing naked to the theme tune of your favourite TV show? Do you spend hours staring at a wall in the hope it will do something interesting? You need to get a proper job before the wall does start doing something interesting and you start having conversations with yourself.

You start experimenting with cheese on toast.

Cheese on toast is a simple and effective meal. The moment you start fucking around with it, though, you're on a downward spiral. As soon as you start carefully layering various luncheon meats beneath the cheese, then seasoning with cajun spice mix and drawing aesthetically-pleasing patterns in tomato ketchup on top, it's time to go and work somewhere with a proper canteen.

Actually, scratch that one. Deluxe cheese on toast is awesome.

You get really good at Countdown.

If you have reached a stage where you're really good at both the letters and the numbers rounds of Countdown, you really need to get out and get a job. Possibly in Accounts. Or the Conundrum Department.

Your attention span diminishes.

You start some sort of creative project such as a list of ten signs you've been working from home for too long and then lo

#oneaday Day 954: I Love Cock

"Cock" is possibly my favourite word in the entire English language. I don't care if you're using it to refer to a rooster or an erect penis (I always felt that "cock" implied "erect", as does "dong", "schlong", "wang" and numerous others; meanwhile "winky", "dick", "willy" and "tallywhacker" imply flaccidity, but I digress) — it's just a fantastically satisfying word to say.

You have to say it right for it to be satisfying though. Try it with me.

Take a deep breath, in through your nose. Now open your mouth a little as if you're going to cough up a big ol' flob and pronounce a nice, crisp, hard "C" sound. Immediately follow with a round, fruity "O", where your mouth makes the perfect shape of the letter it's pronouncing, leave a short gap, then follow up with the "CK". Ideally, you should throw back your head slightly while doing the "CO–" bit and give a pervy smile while doing the "–CK" bit. Advanced "COCK"-ers should feel free to add a crescendoing "mm" or "nn" sound beforehand for added amusement. "mmCOCK!" "nnCOCK!"

Lest you feel I've lost it here, let me explain my love for this gloriously expressive one-syllable word. It came about back in secondary school. Some friends and I were hanging out, and I, for some reason, happened to pronounce the word "cock" in the manner described above, and everyone fell about laughing. According to my friend Craig, it was hilarious because it, I quote, "sounded like a porn star saying it." (It sounds even more like a porn star saying it if you also say the word "SUCK" in the same manner as the word "COCK" described above.)

Anyhow, the word "COCK" became our go-to insult or space-filler when there was a lull in the conversation. This use of the word, completely devoid of its usual context, came to a head one summer when my parents had gone on holiday and I was left alone in the house for the first time. My friend Woody and I had recently discovered Final Fantasy VII and, having both finished it possibly several times by this point, were doing a communal playthrough together, fuelled by tequila which we had decided we would attempt to drink despite the fact that both of us felt that it tasted like what a glass of water would taste like if you dropped about fifteen cigarette butts in it. As night fell, we decided that The Thing To Do would be to switch over and play Resident Evil 2 very loud while absolutely munted off our tits. (We also left a metronome ticking outside the room our friend Ed, who had flaked out early, was sleeping in.)

For whatever reason, during our Resident Evil 2 session — and remember we were absolutely twatted by this point — we then decided that The Thing To Do would be to turn to each other and repeatedly say the word "COCK" in the manner described above to each other while attempting to continue normal play. Normal play was already somewhat difficult due to the amount of alcohol we had imbibed coupled with Resident Evil 2's cumbersome controls, so it largely degenerated into just the shouting of the aforementioned syllable over and over and over again.

I don't know for how many hours we kept this up, but it was certainly a long time. Probably at least one hour and possibly more. I'm pretty sure that we somehow got most of the way through the game while repeatedly bellowing "COCK" at one another, because I have a vivid memory of collapsing in a drunken, exhausted heap after failing to kill the final boss and waking up the next morning in an awkward position with the PlayStation still running.

So there you go. That's how much I love cock. I'll go all night with it.

(Aside: WordPress recommended "wine tasting descriptors" as a tag for this post. I'm not sure I need to make any further comment than that.)

#oneaday Day 953: Like A Dragon

I beat Yakuza 3 tonight, which is why I'm up so late.

The Yakuza series is excellent for many reasons, chief among which is protagonist Kazuma Kiryu, who is just so effortlessly badass throughout that you can't help but admire him. And yet he somehow manages to be this way without falling into the testosterone-fuelled arsehole trap, which is good. One could argue that it's further evidence that the Japanese are actually rather good at writing strong, interesting, deep and flawed characters, while the West is often stuck in Tropesville. (This is a gross generalisation, of course, but Yakuza does provide good ammunition against anyone who says Eastern games are just about big-eyed anime girls and floppy-haired teenage protagonists.)

However, one thing was at the back of my mind while I was playing, and it relates to this (rather ranty) Eurogamer opinion piece from a week or two back, during the "girlfriend mode" scandal, also known as "Game Developer Says Something Stupid, Episode 357". The article had a point — people should speak up when misogyny and sexism rear their ugly heads — but the fact that the article specifically called out Yakuza for being sexist really bothered me.

It raised an interesting question, you see. Yakuza certainly features depictions of a particular breed of sexism and misogyny endemic to Japanese big-city life, but does that make the game, in itself, inherently sexist? Does the fact that the game allows its protagonist to visit "hostess bars" and attempt to romance the women within mean it is a sexist work? Does the fact that the game allows the protagonist to visit a poledancing club mean that it is misogynistic?

You could argue the case for "yes", clearly, but the perspective from which I approach the Yakuza series is that it provides a (mostly) realistic depiction of another culture that is relatively alien to my own. Part of that culture is sexist, and to deny that it exists causes the depiction of that culture to no longer be accurate or realistic, putting the developers in something of a quandary. Sure, we could probably do without the lengthy cutscenes depicting poledancers doing their thing just before there's a big manly fight, but for the most part, the Yakuza games depict sexism rather than actually being outright sexist. (As a matter of fact, the incidental female characters in the "hostess bars" are considerably more well-developed than any number of T&A-toting heroines from Western games in recent years. The game also passes the Bechdel Test with flying colours.)

Should we decry Yakuza as a bad thing for showing it like it is and not attempting to make a positive change in society? No, no we shouldn't. Because not all art is there to make life better. Not all art is there to make a positive change. Not all art is there to create a utopian vision of What Life Should Be Like. Some art is there to depict How Life Is, and Yakuza succeeds in that admirably.

While I do believe it is important to call out sexism and misogyny in the industry when it comes up, I don't believe the Yakuza series is the biggest problem. I don't believe it's a particular problem at all, to be honest. The writers of Yakuza create female characters who are real, interesting people rather than sex objects, and the protagonist interacts with them accordingly. Any sexism present in the game is a result of accurately depicting a sexist society — with the possible exception of the aforementioned poledancing cutscene, but one could argue that was there to establish ambience and atmosphere. And it's not as if Kazuma goes around beating or raping women, either — every antagonist in the game is male, and Kaz himself treats all the women he comes across with nothing but respect, save for the odd option to give a cheeky, innuendo-filled response to a hostess.

Were the Yakuza series to be sanitised and watered down, with anything deemed to be sexist or misogynistic stripped out, a big part of the game's authentic-feeling Japanese atmosphere would be gone. As much as we would like to believe we live in a world where there is true equality, the fact is we do not — and in many places around Japan, this is particularly obvious. To deny that this happens by whitewashing your content — particularly in a game that is aimed at adults — would just be short-sighted, and I'd argue that it's more helpful to acknowledge that all this goes on without being hysterical or sensationalist about it.

But anyway. Yakuza 3 is pretty great. You should play it.

#oneaday Day 952: 伝説のブログ

I've been pretty much immersing myself in Japanese culture recently thanks to the various games I've been playing. Between Yakuza 3, School Days HQ and the Persona 4 anime that I've just started watching in preparation for Persona 4 Arena's delayed European release, it's been super-Eastern around here, to the extent that it actually felt a bit strange to boot up Guild Wars 2 earlier and hear people speaking English.

I would like to learn Japanese. I have been saying this for years, but worrying about it being difficult has stopped me on several occasions. I have, however, now found a decent iOS app (Human Japanese) that walks you through both the spoken and written forms of the language, so I will use that to give myself a good introduction and then see where I need to go after that. I am trying to devote a few sessions per week — ideally each day, but that's not always practical — to studying. So far I have learned how to write the hiragana for the vowels, which is more hiragana than I have ever learned. I would type some to prove it, but I have no idea how to type Japanese characters on a computer as yet (except by copy and pasting from Google Translate, which is how I got the title for this post), so we'll cross that bridge at a later time.

What I've found, however, is that through immersing myself in Japanese media, I've actually picked up a surprising number of words and phrases. Okay, I can't spell them, write them in Japanese script or, in many cases, even say them properly, but I recognise plenty of words and phrases. Words like "densetsu" (legend), which I first came across when I heard the Japanese name of Secret of Mana — Seiken Densetsu, literally Legend of the Holy Sword. For quite a while I didn't know that "densetsu" meant "legend" but I picked it up somehow, meaning that when someone in School Days HQ mentioned a "legendary break room" in the subtitles, I deduced that the part of the Japanese sentence that meant that bit was densetsu no kyuukeishitsu. (I know Romanji sucks, but it's all I've got right now, yo!) I knew that the "no" after "densetsu" meant that "legend" was being used to describe another word (essentially the equivalent of tweaking a noun to become an adjective in English) so therefore I figured that kyuukeishitsu means "break room". And sure enough, it does. Hurrah for apparently having the right kind of mind to work out language.

There's a few other phrases I've picked up from Japanese media, too, some of which might even be useful. I can say hello in various ways (konnichiwa, osu! (tatakae! Oueeeeeendaaaaaaaa– wait, no)), good morning (ohayou!), sorry (gomen nasai), yes (hai), no (iie, pronounced confusingly similar to someone saying "yeah" hesitantly), goodbye (sayonara — if you've never studied any Japanese before I was as surprised as you are that it's an actual word in another language rather than a made-up one) and express gratitude before a meal (itadakimasu, apparently bellowed by everyone before diving into one's bento if School Days HQ is anything to go by). Oh, and strawberry (ichigo). And laughing like a shy schoolgirl (ufufufufu!).

Now all I need to be able to do is 1) incorporate these snippets and phrases into actual Japanese conversation and 2) be able to figure out how to write them in scary squiggly script. Both of those things will probably involve a lot of practice, so if I start talking about the densetsu no bento next time I'm having lunch with you, gomen nasai.

#oneaday Day 950: It's a Small World After All

Board game night (well, whole day, really) today and the star of the show was very much Days of Wonder's excellent lightweight strategy game Small World.

For the uninitiated, Small World casts players in the role of some sort of omniscient entity guiding the development of several different races struggling for supremacy in a world that isn't big enough for all of them. Players must capture territory and make use of their various peoples' special abilities to score as many points as possible after a set number of turns have elapsed.

To begin with, a variety of random civilisations are created by matching a race with a trait. This determines two things: that people's combination of special abilities, and the initial number of tokens the player will be able to take into their hand. Each race has a special characteristic and so does the trait, making for a very wide array of possible civilisations.

You might be in control of a bunch of seafaring dwarves, for example, meaning that you get score bonuses for every mine you capture, and are also the only people able to capture aquatic territories. Or you could have control of a band of pillaging giants, who find it easier to attack enemies near mountains, and who gain additional bonuses if they captured an occupied territory rather than an empty one.

If a people is no longer proving efficient at scoring points — perhaps a few conquests from the other players left their numbers a little depleted, for example — it's possible to spend a run putting them "in decline", which means they continue to score points so long as they are not obliterated from the map, and are unable to move or attack. The player then gets a brand new race to play with on the next turn.

The game is fast-paced, fun and exciting. Relatively little of it is dependent on luck, but the strategy isn't so hardcore that it is inaccessible to newcomers. It has a fair bit in common with Risk, but is immediately superior due to the fact it doesn't take three hours to play and inevitably end in a stalemate. The built-in time limit keeps play pacy, and the very design of the game ensures players are at each other's throats as often as possible.

In short, its good reputation as a quality board game is well deserved. It's straightforward and accessible enough for board gaming newcomers to be able to pick up right away, while its strategy has enough depth to keep things interesting — and pleasingly different each time you play.

There's also an iPad version available, but this unfortunately only supports two players, while the physical version will take up to five.

#oneaday Day 949: I Love You, Kotonoha... No, Wait, Sekai

You may recall back when I was rather obsessed with visual novel Katawa Shoujo that I put together a lengthy series of posts dissecting each of the characters and each narrative path it was possible to follow in the game. School Days HQ is inspiring me to do that again, and I know that there's at least one person reading this who is finding my descriptions of this game interesting (Hi, Calin!) so… well, here we go.

I make no apologies for the length of this post.

Spoileriffic thoughts follow. If you're going to play School Days HQ and don't want it spoiled, stop reading. Yeah, you.

The first thing I'll say is that I have not seen all of this game's endings yet. Given that there are twenty of them (I think), doing so will take a while. I have, however, seen five of them, and I feel this is starting to give me a good understanding of the characters involved.

School Days is structured in an interesting manner. As opposed to Katawa Shoujo's heavily branching first act and then five completely discrete "paths" through the game, School Days' narrative branches all over the bloody place. There are two distinct "paths" that the story splits into at the end of the second of the game's six "episodes", each seeing protagonist Makoto apparently pursuing one of the two leading ladies, but whether or not he will end up with his "chosen" girl is by no means a foregone conclusion. The various paths which the story can follow give additional context to various scenes, and help provide the player with additional understanding of a variety of characters — both the three leads and the more incidental characters. Let's look at them one at a time.

Makoto

Protagonist Makoto is, unlike a lot of visual novel/eroge protagonists, his own person rather than a "blank slate" onto which the player can project themselves. We join him as he finds himself attracted to the mysterious girl he sees on the train every day. This is Kotonoha. Shortly afterwards, his homeroom teacher rearranges the class' seats, and Makoto ends up sitting next to Sekai, whom he has not had much occasion to speak to before.

Makoto initially isn't sure how to respond to Sekai — she appears to be strong, pushy, loud and talkative. When she catches him apparently attempting to do a "charm" with his mobile phone — schoolyard rumour has it that if you take a photo of the person you like and keep it a secret for three weeks, they'll fall in love with you — things get interesting.

The very fact that Makoto is attempting this charm in the first place shows us that he's obviously quite a lonely person. He seems quite solitary at the best of times, and lacks the confidence to approach Kotonoha on the train. It takes Sekai's assistance for him to be able to talk to Kotonoha, and even then he struggles. Conversely, he appears to have absolutely no trouble talking to Sekai, though that might just be because she doesn't take "no" for an answer.

But why is Makoto lonely? We see that he has friends — he often hangs out with his best buddy Taisuke in class, for example, and he still has occasional contact with Katou, a girl whom he went to his previous school with. But he's distant, cold and aloof at times. At least some of this can probably be attributed to his home life. His parents are divorced; he lives with his mother and his little sister lives with his absent father. We don't see Makoto's sister often (or possibly at all — I can't speak for paths I haven't followed yet) but it's clear that he misses her; on a number of routes, he seems genuinely pleased that he's going to get to spend the weekend with her when we hear that she is coming to visit.

When Makoto does eventually get into a relationship, we find out a few more things about him. We discover that he's quite awkward in embarrassing situations, particularly when coupled with the equally-awkward Kotonoha, but like any red-blooded male, he has "needs" — specifically, a need for physical intimacy, even if it's just holding someone's hand. His sensitive side comes out even here, though — in one conversation with Sekai he worries about coming across as "perverted" when all he did was take Kotonoha's hand. Granted, she did slap him around the face when he did so, however, so what is the poor chap to think?

We also learn that he's easily swayed, particularly by women. He is weak-willed and unable to stand up for himself when another woman confesses their attraction to him, and he finds saying "no" difficult to do. Given the other facets of his character we know about, however, it's probably fair to say that this isn't because he's a horny pervert — on the contrary, he's a very considerate lover, given the evidence we see — but rather because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. This is a character trait he clings onto in most paths, though in the one where he focuses on Kotonoha to the complete exclusion of everyone else around him, he says explicitly to her that he no longer cares who he hurts, so long as he gets to be with Kotonoha always.

Despite the fact he is so easily swayed, he does have the capacity to devote himself to something (or, indeed, someone) and tune out all other distractions. While it takes quite some time in most of the paths for him to figure out whether it's Kotonoha, Sekai or someone else he wants, once he does figure this out, he sticks to his guns. Unfortunately, whoever ends up spurned doesn't always cooperate.

Which brings us neatly on to Kotonoha.

Kotonoha

Kotonoha initially appears to be a "Hanako" — a shy girl who is almost painfully awkward in social situations, particularly those involving members of the opposite sex. She speaks in a quiet voice and clearly thinks about the things that she is going to say before she says them, presumably in an attempt to ensure that they are the "right" things and that she doesn't make a fool out of herself.

We discover in several paths what one of the root causes of Kotonoha's shyness is: bullying, both in the past and the present. We learn that Sekai's tomboyish friend Nanami went to the same school as Kotonoha in the past, and Kotonoha regards her as a bully. We also learn that the other girls in her class bully her and take advantage of her whenever possible. This becomes particularly apparent at the school festival, when they leave her to man their class' reception desk all day while they go off hunting for boys to take back to the secret "break rooms" to have their way with them.

Kotonoha's difficulties stem largely from her appearance. She's cute and she has noticeably larger breasts than many of the other girls, and she tells Sekai that it has been this way since the end of primary school. She resents this fact, however, because it makes the boys look at her "in an indecent manner" and the girls assume that she is wrapping all said boys around her little finger. The truth of the matter is quite the opposite, however, as Kotonoha has never dated anyone prior to meeting Makoto, which explains her awkwardness around him.

Kotonoha is heavily hung up on the conventions of polite Japanese society. It takes her two days of effort to summon up the courage to ask Makoto if she can call him by his first name, even after they've already been on a date and have spent several days eating lunch together. She is terrified of being touched, worrying about being seen doing anything improper, and resists all of Makoto's advances when they are first together.

This particular facet of Kotonoha's personality can be attributed to her father, whom we don't see but we do hear about. He's very strict and doesn't approve of her consorting with boys, and also imposes a curfew on her to ensure she doesn't step too far out of line. Interestingly, her mother, whom we do see much more often, is the polar opposite of this, encouraging her to take more bold steps with Makoto, even going so far as to teach her the family's "secret lemonade recipe".

Kotonoha, like Makoto, isn't quite sure what to do once she's in a relationship. However, one thing is abundantly clear in every path: once she considers herself to be in a relationship, she considers that to be for keeps. She is not good at admitting when something isn't working, and continues clinging to false hope long after the object of her affections has clearly sought solace elsewhere.

If Makoto decides that Sekai is the one he really likes, then Kotonoha will continue to doggedly pursue him, eventually assuming that the reason he doesn't want her is because of her reticence and fear of being touched. She grows more and more bold and discovers that she can take advantage of Makoto's easily-swayed personality, particularly if sex is involved. She appears to develop something of a taste for sex after she seduces Makoto for the first time, going so far as to do some rather indecent things to him on the way home, and in one last-ditch attempt to break him and Sekai up (if, indeed, that is the path down which the story is going) seduces him once more and surreptitiously snaps a photograph of him in a very compromising position.

Kotonoha's stubborn, dogged determination stems from the fact that she has nothing to lose. We learn early on that she has no friends, preferring to absorb herself in a book than try and make peace with the girls who bully her in her own class. She welcomes Sekai into her life, however, believing that she is helping her altruistically. When it becomes clear that Sekai also has feelings for Makoto, however, Kotonoha becomes very jealous and clearly worries that she is going to end up alone again, so figures that she might as well throw everything she's got into trying to rekindle whatever spark there once was. On the flip side, if Makoto devotes himself to her, she doesn't appear to care one little bit about Sekai's feelings, because she knows that she'll always have Makoto and doesn't have to worry any more.

Kotonoha is a prime example of a character who is not at all what she seems at first glance. The shy, demure-looking cute girl actually turns out to be something of a master manipulator if provoked — given that she has nothing to lose, who knows what she's capable of if things really don't go her way?

Sekai

Sekai is the exact opposite of Kotonoha in almost every way. While Kotonoha is always immaculately-groomed and generally in her shy, quiet and demure persona, Sekai has shaggy, scruffy hair and is loud, brash, and confident, usually saying exactly what she thinks. She has a close group of friends whom she confides in regularly, and she latches on to Makoto as soon as the pair are made to sit next to one another.

It transpires, of course, that Sekai has actually had her eye on Makoto since the school's opening ceremony, when Our Hero helped out her childhood friend Setsuna. (Setsuna also fell for him around this time, though this only becomes apparent or an issue in one path that I've seen so far.) She is secretly delighted at the chance to spend more time with him, even if it is just to get him together with someone else.

It quickly becomes apparent that Sekai's interest in Makoto is a borderline obsession, as she refuses to give up on him even if it's clear he's favouring Kotonoha. She allows herself to be strung along in a "friends with benefits" relationship that arises from Makoto's frustration and Kotonoha's unwillingness to be touched. She is frustrated by this arrangement, but sees it as better than nothing. "It's a lie," she says every time Makoto tells him he loves her, "but it makes me so happy." On the rare occasions where she does get frustrated and voices these concerns to Makoto, he immediately apologises and decides that they should stop doing what they're doing, but every time she retracts what she says out of fear of losing him.

On the occasions when she does lose him, she shows that she does not cope well with rejection. She sinks into a deep depression, often becoming so upset that she's completely unable to function. Often her friends are able to help her out of this, but if Makoto proceeds down the path where he devotes himself entirely to Kotonoha, she becomes completely inconsolable. She loses all sense of self-respect and self-worth, submitting to Makoto's friend Taisuke as a "second best" option, culminating in a horrifying scene where Makoto and Kotonoha walk in on the aftermath of her clearly having been raped, despite the fact that both parties involves deny this. (This is the same path where Makoto comments that he doesn't care who he hurts any more, so his reaction to seeing one of his best friends having clearly been abused by another of his best friends is simply to be irrationally turned on by the fact he saw her in a dishevelled, half-naked state, going so far as to whack one off over the memory when he gets home. What a cock.)

Alongside the fact she is prone to depression, she also has something of a defeatist streak. In one path, her mother gets a new job in Paris and it becomes apparent that Sekai is going to have to leave with her. She does everything possible to try and avoid this but eventually concludes that it is hopeless and gives up entirely. It takes Setsuna stepping forward and mock-seducing Makoto (and secretly hoping that it can go further) for her to realise that she is willing to fight for him, and is unwilling to give up on her own happiness just because of something that may or may not be out of her own control.

Sekai does not appear to have a mean bone in her body. Even when Kotonoha is doing her best to secure Makoto as her own, Sekai never stoops to insults or manipulation, instead preferring to "win" on her own merits. The worst she gets is yelling "Coward! Idiot! Die!" down the phone at Makoto towards the start of the game when he's getting cold feet about asking out Kotonoha — a sequence which caused me to mistakenly describe her as "dangerously unstable" when I first started playing.

And while she describes herself as "quite a perverted girl" (despite being a virgin when Makoto first meets her) she never uses sex to get what she wants, unlike Kotonoha — although it could perhaps be argued that the times when she willingly goes along with Makoto's "friends with benefits" relationship is a form of manipulation to try and keep him around for as long as possible. She has no real power, however; she even jokes at one point that getting Makoto to say that he loves her more than Kotonoha is "more than I can get you to say, even with your dick in my hand".

Sekai's clearly a better fit for Makoto. The two of them both seem considerably happier when they're together, but shaking off Kotonoha proves to be rather difficult on most of the paths through the game. When they do get it together, though, there's much less of a feeling of "bittersweetness" than in some of Kotonoha's endings.

____

All three characters are fascinating to study, and not one of them falls into the trope trap. All of them have a surprising degree of hidden depth, and their interactions with one another is what makes School Days such a fascinating game to play. I'm looking forward to discovering even more about them as I creep ever-closer to 100% completion — it might be a while yet, though, since after seeing five endings I'm still just at 31%.

#oneaday Day 948: Please Find Another Term for "Nice Guys"

I had a lengthy discussion with a couple of people on Twitter earlier regarding the term "Nice Guy" and the negative connotations it appears to have picked up recently.

For the uninitiated, the term "Nice Guy" (with caps) refers to the sort of creep who hangs around women in an attempt to get into their pants simply by trying to make himself the "default" choice. He does his best to worm his way into their life and make himself available, and doesn't take no for an answer, instead preferring to guilt-trip his targets and complain to anyone who will listen about being "friend-zoned".

Now, I won't lie; I've used the term "friend zone" before (usually jokingly) and, when single, have got depressed that certain women whom I liked and was spending a lot of time with didn't seem to reciprocate my feelings. Or, to be frank, in most cases didn't know about my feelings at all. Because I didn't tell them. Because I am a nervous wreck in even the most mundane of social situations at times, let alone a high-pressure one like confessing that you like someone. If I had been turned down, I would have left it at that. (And in fact, in one case where I did confess my feelings and got turned down, I hit the brakes immediately.)

In short, while I may have, in the past, used some of the terminology or exhibited some of the behaviours of these "Nice Guys", I am certainly not and have never been a creep. I do not and have never believed, as the wise Mitu Khandaker once said to me when describing this phenomenon, that "if I put in enough Kindness Coins then Sex will fall out".

I do consider myself a nice guy (no caps), though.

Herein lies the problem I have with this term "Nice Guy" (with caps). It carries with it such baggage that it is no longer possible to refer to yourself or someone else as a "nice guy" (no caps) because of the negative associations with "Nice Guys" (with caps).

See where the confusion is coming from, now?

The thing is, being a person who considers himself (and is often described as) a "nice guy" (no caps) makes me feel like absolute fucking shit any time the "Nice Guy" (with caps) discussion comes up. I know that it's not about me, I know that I don't exhibit those behaviours or put women in unsafe or uncomfortable situations, but it still makes me feel like crap. I already lack confidence in personal (not professional) social interactions, especially when meeting new people. I already worry about coming across as a dick, as being boring, as being a creep, and now, with this "Nice Guy" phenomenon and the widespread adoption of "Nice Guy" (with caps) as the accepted terminology, have to worry about whether or not I'm being too nice and coming across as, in the words of my fine friend Campfire Burning (a participant in the discussion from an earlier and another self-professed "nice guy" (no caps)) a "creepy misogynistic would-be or actual rapist or paedophile".

So please, for the love of all us genuine nice guys (no caps), please please please find another way to describe these creeps. There's one, in fact. What's wrong with "creep"? Or "jerk"? Or "terrifying, predatory guy who just won't leave me alone"? Or "Hello, police, please? Yeah, I'm being stalked."

I know the reason that people refer to them as "Nice Guys" (with caps) is because they refer to themselves as "Nice Guys" (with caps), but in doing so you're just reinforcing the stereotype that the words "nice" and "guy" when put together is somehow a bad thing. And it isn't. Those of us who are nice guys (no caps) are being slammed with the reputation of an unpleasant, undesirable part of society. And that is most certainly Not Okay. So cut it out. Please.

#oneaday Day 947: Further Enthusing Regarding School Days HQ

When I picked up School Days HQ, it was largely out of a combination of curiosity at why the game (or, more specifically, its 2005 original incarnation) was such a fondly-regarded game that J-List and JAST USA were pushing so hard, and a general enthusiasm for any kind of story set in a school. Seriously, I'm loco for anything set in a school. Persona, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, even crappy teen "coming of age" movies. (Fortunate, then, that Andie enjoys such works also.)

Regardless of the reasons for my fascination with school in general, I was expecting to be done with School Days relatively quickly and to be moving on to other things.

I was wrong.

After a single playthrough, the game helpfully informed me that I had seen just 12% of what it had to offer. After a second playthrough, that was largely similar throughout but had a very different ending, I was at 17%. Third time around, I'm starting the third episode of six and I'm somewhere around the 20% mark.

What's keeping me coming back and playing this rather simple game over and over and over again?

Story. Characters. Simple as that. Each playthrough has followed a different narrative path and has taught me something new about the characters and their relationships with one another.

In my first playthrough, I played it "straight". I always do this with visual novels or titles such as Catherine that are clearly inspired by them — all choices I make are the ones that I — or possibly the person I would like to be — would make. In School Days, you have the added pressure of having to make decisions in a relatively short space of time, with refusing to act at all also being taken as a valid choice, so I had to go with first impulses. I ended up with an ending that was somewhat bittersweet.

Spoilers follow.

School Days' setup is that protagonist Makoto likes pretty but shy girl Kotonoha. Sekai, the confident girl he's been forced to sit next to when his class changed seats, immediately latches on to Makoto and discovers that he likes Kotonoha thanks to the picture on his phone that he surreptitiously (and slightly creepily) snapped on the train. She agrees to help him get together with Kotonoha, and one of twenty different endings ensues.

In my first playthrough, as I say, I played it straight, or as if I was Makoto and genuinely in love with Kotonoha. I maxed out Kotonoha's "affection bar" pretty quickly by saying the right things and being supportive of things like her phobia of being touched. Makoto dropped everything to do things with her. He let her be alone when she wanted to be alone, and was there when she needed him. This all went terribly well, culminating in her opening up to Makoto (in more ways than one, fnarr) and accepting him as her boyfriend. Eventually, the pair made plans to spend Christmas Eve together in an expensive hotel paid for by Kotonoha's family, where they proceeded to, not to put too fine a point on it, bang each other senseless.

Unfortunately, all this happened without any consideration whatsoever for Sekai's feelings. Early in the game, we get an indication that Sekai might, in fact, like Makoto when she steals a kiss from him as "payment" for her help with Kotonoha. She denies this, however, giving the couple space and dealing with her own issues by herself. This doesn't stop rumours circulating that she and Makoto are together, however, which doesn't make her feel any better. She enters a cycle of depression, ending up so wrapped up in her own sorrow that she is almost unable to function. Her friends intervene and rescue her, but whatever there once was between her and Makoto is gone forever. Makoto himself says to Kotonoha in this ending that he doesn't care who he has to hurt, as long as he's with Kotonoha. She seems quite happy with this situation.

My second playthrough followed an initially similar path. Despite my attempts to get Makoto and Sekai together instead, I still found myself on the "Kotonoha" plot branch — the story diverges quite wildly at the end of the second episode and proceeds down either the "Sekai" or "Kotonoha" route according to the choices made at the beginning, splitting into about a bajillion other branches along the way.

This time around, however, Makoto was clearly confused, and more than a little miserable. He wasn't sure that he wanted to be with Kotonoha, and missed Sekai, who was deliberately distancing herself from the couple in order to let them be together. Makoto tried to confess his love to Sekai, but she told him to stop being such an idiot and focus on his girlfriend. And rightly so.

But things continued to decline. Makoto's heart really wasn't in the time he spent with Kotonoha, and things came to a head at the school festival. In my first playthrough, Kotonoha takes the bold step of inviting Makoto to the hidden "break room" behind her class's display to, uh, get over her phobia of being touched; this time around, however, the same situation arose and Kotonoha said nothing, largely because Makoto made his excuses and pretty much ran away before they could talk about anything.

Instead, Makoto made a choice: he went and found Sekai, who was waiting by the bonfire at the end of the festival. The school's traditions and legends dictate that a couple who dances together by the bonfire will stay together for at least the next year, and knowing this full well, Makoto and Sekai dance together, and they both seem genuinely happy for the first time. The two enter a curious "friends with benefits" relationship, where Sekai agrees to be Makoto's "practice girlfriend" with whom he can do all the stuff that Kotonoha won't let him do, but it is abundantly clear that both of them actually like each other.

To cut a long story short, Kotonoha shows her latent bunny-boiler tendencies, forcing herself on Makoto and snapping a compromising picture of him in order to try and convince Sekai to give up. Sekai is understandably devastated and refuses to talk to anyone, let alone Makoto, but when he spends the entire night sitting on her doorstep looking completely and utterly defeated and is found by her mother, her heart melts and the two share the genuine couple's embrace that they've been craving, while Kotonoha is left to stew and Think Very Hard About What She's Done.

In my third playthrough, which I haven't finished yet, I made a specific effort to woo Sekai from the beginning. It's tough to do this — firstly because Sekai is seemingly resistant to Makoto's advances and secondly because it genuinely makes me feel like absolute shit to treat Kotonoha like crap — but if you keep pushing enough in the right direction, the plot takes a wildly divergent path in a different direction. Rather than focusing on Makoto and Kotonoha, Sekai takes centre stage. It seems that she's been avoiding both Makoto and her own friends — the former because she doesn't want to get in the way of the relationship she helped build, and the latter because they believe her to already be together with Makoto and keep asking questions. It was impressive how much of a change some slight tweaks to remarks and context made to the plot, and I'll be interested to see how this particular path develops.

End spoilers.

As that lengthy explanation probably demonstrated fairly aptly, this is a title with a considerable degree of depth — not in gameplay terms, but in a narrative sense. Both Kotonoha and Sekai (and Makoto, for that matter) are very complex characters with a variety of facets to their personality — only some of which you appear to see on any one given playthrough. Three times around and I'm still learning new and interesting things about these characters, which will hopefully help me to make the "right" choices in the end.

But that then begs the question: with 20 different endings, what is the "right" one? School Days certainly has its fair share of bad endings (though I haven't seen any yet) but who's to say these are "wrong"? Similarly, the first ending I got with Kotonoha was technically a "good" ending, I guess, but I was still left feeling distinctly shitty about how I'd treated Sekai in the process.

This is genuine emotional engagement right here. The Feels, if you will. And along with that comes a real sense of your choices having real consequences. This combination of factors, it turns out, is enough to keep me coming back time after time to see what happens next. I don't need beautifully-rendered guns, I don't need slick platforming, or creative mechanics; all I need for a game to keep me compelled is three strong characters and some increasingly fucked-up relationships between them.

Further posts on this subject will undoubtedly follow, especially if I come across any particularly noteworthy endings along the way.

#oneaday Day 946: Things I Actually Miss About School

For the most part, I don't miss my own school days. I spent a lot of them being bullied by douchebags who hopefully haven't amounted to anything by now, one of whom I rather memorably punched in the face just as the headmaster was coming around the corner. (He sided with me after the fact, noting that my outburst of aggression was quite understandable, given bully in question's history. I got away with nothing more than a "five minute report", a piece of paper I had to get signed by teachers every five minutes during break and lunchtime.)

But there were good times too. So I thought I'd share a few.

The Rough Book

Our school library used to sell exercise books for a few pence, just in case you lost yours and wanted to replace it without having to tell your teacher that you'd lost your book. The librarian (Mrs Miller, no! We will not let you go!) asked no questions, though, other than "what colour would you like?"

And so it was that my friend Ed and I brought in the concept of the "Rough Book" — an exercise book ostensibly for quick scribblings, sketching and note-taking but which usually ended up completely covered in graffiti, drawings of cocks and an elaborate middle two pages flamboyantly depicting the name of whichever girl I had made the mistake of telling my friends I fancied that week.

A key part of the Rough Book's appeal was keeping it secret, and for the most part we managed to do so without it being confiscated or even spotted. It was immensely satisfying but also a bit sad to reach the end of one — while it was possible to look back on all the silly drawings we had done over the course of a few weeks, the book's "magic" was lost, and it usually found its way into the bin eventually — largely because we didn't want our parents and/or teachers seeing all the pictures of cocks and swear words we'd scrawled all over every available inch.

Music Concerts

Our school used to do two big concerts a year — one in the summer, one around Christmas time. The weekly rehearsals for the various groups tended to revolve around practicing pieces for these big events, which always enjoyed a strong turnout from parents and friends of the school. Going to music groups was one of my main forms of socialising at school — since I lived seven miles away, it wasn't always easy to just pop over to a friend's house for pizza and video games, and music groups gave me a chance to make some new friends and see some of my existing friends in a new context. They were fun.

There was something special about concert night, though — a strange, almost romantic atmosphere in the air. Inevitably, being a horny teenager, I'd interpret this atmosphere as "God, I'd really like to get off with someone" and spend as much of the evening as possible attempting to flirt with the girls from the clarinet section. (Ahh, Nikki. How hot you were.) Being a zitty, socially-incompetent loser with crap hair, I inevitably failed to drum up the confidence to do anything to take advantage of the romance in the air, but all of the girls were good enough to humour me and not just tell me to fuck off, which was nice.

Learning Shit

You know, I actually enjoyed the whole "learning" part of school. (This is probably why I was bullied so much.) I loved the fact that on any given day, we got to learn German, saw a plank of wood in half, spectacularly fail to compose a "reggae" piece and listen to our maths teacher make up an anecdote about the time he went windsurfing and knew he was exactly 200 metres from the shoreline. Exactly how much of that stuff has been retained over the years is perhaps questionable (my use of German nowadays can probably be filed under "racism", or "Englishman Abroad" at the very least) but I enjoyed learning it at the time.

Except maths. I hated maths with a passion. Maths homework used to make me genuinely angry. In retrospect, this was silly, because a lot of things in the real world involve maths to various degrees. Granted, I have little use for quadratic equations in my daily life (and thus can't remember what they are) but things like basic algebra and arithmetic occasionally come in handy.

The Canteen

I typically used to take a packed lunch to school, so eating in the canteen was a rare treat. They served chips and pizza and other awesome things, most of which Jamie Oliver has probably banned by now. In the upper school dining hall (which was later converted into part of the new sixth form centre that my year was the first to pass through) you could get chips and frickin' cheese.

The Teachers

Yeah, I actually miss the people who taught me. It would probably be horrifying to see how much they've aged by now, since the mental image I have of all of them is how they were between the years of 1992 and 1999, but there were some truly fine folks at the chalkface of my school. There were scary teachers, friendly teachers, knowledgeable teachers, weird teachers and, yes, hot teachers — but I can't remember any that I particularly disliked as such. (Except for the guy who taught me four-part harmony for A-Level music, but he was a peripatetic music teacher and thus didn't count.) I wonder how many of them are still there. I also occasionally wonder how many of the students I worked with during my thankfully short teaching career will remember me in years to come?

That's enough waxing nostalgic for tonight, I think. Time to sleep.

#oneaday Day 945: Reviewing is Broken, August 2012 Edition

Game reviews are broken.

This is a pretty well-established fact by now, I would have thought, but the issue rears its ugly head any time something interesting but flawed such as Papo & Yo shows up and is, overall, worthy of praise but riddled with technical issues.

Let's stay with Papo & Yo for a moment to illustrate my point. (I won't be spoiling the game here, so read without fear.)

Papo & Yo is, technically and objectively speaking, filled with flaws. The frame rate is pretty poor at times, there's a lot of screen tearing and the collision detection is occasionally a bit off.

Does this make it a bad game, though?

No.

Does it prevent it doing what it sets out to do?

No.

This is ultimately all that should matter. And yet IGN notes that "poor design outweighs any interesting concepts", ultimately concluding that the game is "bad".

Well, yes, if judged next to something that is longer, more polished and designed primarily as a "game", I guess Papo & Yo is "bad". The problem comes when you consider the fact that all games are not created equal. Papo & Yo was put together by an extremely small team who did not have the budget to do more than they did. It succeeds admirably in telling its powerful, emotional story despite its technical flaws, which cease to matter almost immediately after starting to play. It was also not designed to be a "good game" — it was designed to be a vehicle for telling its story.

I'm reminded of a post I wrote a while back concerning visual novels and interactive movies. Back in the dawn of the CD-ROM era, if anyone dared to release a title like this that focused on the story at the expense of what would be traditionally called "gameplay," it was slated without mercy. The mantras of the day were "gameplay is king" and "graphics do not make the game".

To be fair, a lot of these "interactive movies" were simply poor stories, too, largely proving that (at the time) game studios simply did not have the budgets to compete with Hollywood. But some were enjoyable, and I can't help feeling that some of them may have had a better response had they been released today with better technology and storage capacities.

You see, gameplay isn't king. Not all the time, anyway. In something like Geometry Wars, sure, gameplay most certainly is king, though the beautiful neon presentation certainly doesn't hurt. But in something like School Days HQ or Papo & Yo, gameplay is not king. Gameplay is not even in the king's court. Story is king. And alongside this comes the necessity to judge a game based on how well it is achieving its objectives rather than how "good" it is compared to all other games. In no other medium do we judge individual creative works against everything else ever created in the same medium. No; we judge bestsellers against bestsellers; literature against literature; arthouse movies against arthouse movies; blockbuster against blockbuster.

Both School Days and Papo & Yo are "bad" if we're to judge them against other, more "gamey" experiences. In School Days all you do is watch animé sequences for 20 minutes and then occasionally get to pick between two options. In Papo & Yo all you have to do is navigate the environment and solve some fairly simple puzzles. But neither game is setting out to be a "fun" game. Both of them are setting out to do one thing and one thing only: tell a story. They accomplish this in completely different ways. And they both succeed admirably, regardless of their game mechanics and regardless of any technical issues.

Most gamers I speak to on a regular basis seem to recognise this fact. So why, exactly, do we persist in judging all games to the same standards? This isn't about giving a "free pass" to "art games", as I have seen a few commentators remark in the last few days. It's about judging a game on just one thing: how well it achieves its goal. Screen tearing (which, let's not forget, blighted the original Uncharted to a very noticeable degree) does not affect how well Papo & Yo spins its tale just as, to flip the argument around, the stupid, nonsensical story doesn't affect the fun factor of Call of Duty.

As always, then, the best way to judge whether or not a game is something you want to play is simply to try it for yourself — or at the very least discuss it with your friends and get the opinions of people you trust. "Good" and "Bad" are relative, arbitrary and ultimately quite useless descriptors when referring to creative works, and so I firmly believe the sooner we get out of the habit of judging all games against some ill-defined "canon of greatness", the better.