I stood up and looked around. All was quiet and peaceful. I was disoriented. I couldn't tell whether it was night or day; whether I had just woken up or if I was hallucinating. I glanced over to where the clock radio should be, but the display was blank.

There was a momentary sound like radio static, and the surroundings of my bedroom disappeared, only to be replaced by the empty, darkened corridors of the college.

No-one was here. I could see a hint of daylight off in the distance, but no evidence that anyone was alive; no evidence that this building had not been abandoned for years.

The static sound again; this time, the corridors were replaced by the darkened, foul-smelling innards of the long-forgotten supermarket. There was no-one here, either, and the stench of the spoiled food was overpowering.

Static again; this time a place I'd passed by many times before but hadn't given a second thought — the bridge over the river on the way from my house to the centre of town.

I stood still, waiting for the static sound and another sudden shift, but it didn't come.

There was a dark mist in the air, though looking up at the sky I could tell it was still daytime. There were no cars on the street, though, and not a soul to be seen in any direction.

I was standing in the middle of the road, a place I'd passed many times before in Laura's car or on the bus but had barely noticed at all. I walked over to the edge of the bridge and looked down. It was a long drop into the water below. The water didn't look normal, either; it seemed to be a swirling mass of darkness from which there'd be no return if you jumped.

I shivered slightly. The thought of jumping off this bridge had never even occurred to me in the past, but now it was at the forefront of my mind, as if someone was urging me on to mount the barriers at the side of the road and just let myself fall.

"No," I said, even though there was no-one to hear me. My voice sounded very hollow and lifeless in the empty surroundings.

Was this Alice's world? It certainly fit the description. There was no-one around, and there was an almost palpable aura of loneliness about the place. I imagined my sister walking these streets by herself, that defiant expression on her face, and I felt a tear fall from my eye.

The silent urging to leap into the miasma below continued in the back of my mind. I ignored it.

"No," I said again. "No!" I shouted, louder. "No!" I cried. My voice echoed in the empty streets.

The static sound again, and suddenly I was sitting back in the cinema next to Laura, who looked completely engrossed in the film. I gasped, and she turned to face me in surprise.

"You okay?" she said. "It's not THAT exciting."

I looked around. There was no evidence that I'd been anywhere. Was all that in my head?

"Yeah," I said, "No, I'm… I'm just going to step out for a moment."

I made my excuses, walked out into the lobby and headed for the bathroom. The lights were on and the staff were standing around looking bored, but there didn't seem to be any other members of the public here. It was quiet and peaceful, but not the lonely sort of deserted in the landscapes I'd just seen.

I entered the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I had bags under my eyes, and my face was pale. I looked ill. I felt ill.

I ran the cold tap for a little while and washed my hands, then splashed the cold water on my face. The experience I'd just had meant that I wasn't quite sure if I was asleep or awake, so this was a vain attempt to figure it out. It didn't help.

I sighed and looked at myself again, staring deep into my own tired-looking eyes.

"This is getting too much," I said. "This needs to end."

"I quite agree," said Aril, stepping out of one of the toilet cubicles. I jumped and turned to face him.

"Jesus," I said, my pulse racing. I wasn't sure how many more frights I could take today. "What are you… actually, no, I'm not sure I want to know."

Aril ignored me. "You want this to end, right?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"And you're starting to figure some things out, right?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. It was true. Though there were almost as many unanswered questions as there were things I was starting to get a handle on.

"Then we need to start preparing for the end," he said.

"The end?" I asked. He was being mysterious, and I didn't like the… finality of the words he was using.

"Yes," he said. "The end. If you want this to end, it makes sense that you need to prepare for the end, right?" He sounded exasperated.

"Oh," I said. "Right. Yeah. That makes sense."

He sniffed and scratched his cheek.

"The only way you can reach an answer is by yourself," he said. "Alice and I are here to support you, but that last step has to be yours alone."

"Uh," I said. I didn't really know exactly what "step" he was referring to.

"You know what I'm talking about," he said.

"No," I said. "I'm not sure I do."

"Are you sure about that?" said Aril. "Think about what you've experienced today."

I thought back over what had happened. I had no idea what was real and what was just in my mind any more. Everything overlapped and blended into each other like wet paints on a canvas. Only there wasn't a clear picture forming; just a mass of colours, none of which made any sense, and none of which seemed more "right" than others.

I contemplated the feelings I had experienced on the bridge. A strong, hard to resist urge to launch myself into the dark miasma of the river below, perhaps never to be seen again. Something was telling me to do that, but at the same time, part of myself felt like it was holding me back, that it would be a terrible idea.

"Think," said Aril. "You're getting somewhere."

I pictured the bridge.

Suddenly, the static sound again, and I was there, standing in the middle of the road. Aril was leaning against one of the pillars at the side, gazing at me nonchalantly.

"Right," he said. "Now what?"

I said nothing and looked around. Aril was the only soul around; the only movement in any direction.

"Do you want to jump?" he said.

"No," I said immediately.

"Why not?" he said.

"I don't know," I said.

Or did I?

I thought about this for a moment, and walked to the side again. I looked over the barrier, and down to the water below, which still looked like an evil black miasma rather than normal water.

I knew in my heart that if I jumped into there, I wouldn't be coming back.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"I'll ask again," he said. "Do you want to jump?"

"No," I said.

"You sound pretty sure," he said. "Why not?"

I thought as hard as I could. Why didn't I want to jump? Why didn't I just want to disappear? It would be so much easier if I just wasn't here any more. After all, no-one needed me. No-one cared about me. I was all alone. I had nothing, and no-one.

I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind.

When I opened them again, I saw things a little differently.

"No," I said out loud, knowing that Aril had been listening to my thoughts. "That's not true at all, is it?"

"You tell me," said Aril.

"It's not true that no-one needs me," I said. "It's not true that no-one cares about me. I have you. And Alice. And Laura."

"Is that enough?" he asked.

"No," I said. The sudden, natural response that came out of my mouth without me having to even think about it surprised me. "No, it's not enough."

"And why not?" he asked.

"Because," I said. "Because none of this is real, is it? You're not really here. I'm not really here. Alice isn't really here. All of this is some deranged fantasy conjured up by that chaos beast, whatever it is, and it's driving me crazy!"

I started to shout, and I could feel my cheeks getting hot as I became angry.

Was I really being toyed with like this? Was everything that I had experienced so far a lie? It certainly didn't feel like it, but something in my mind was telling me that it was true.

"Oh, we're here all right," he said, a slight note of menace in his voice. "But perhaps you still have a little way to go before you completely understand the situation."

"What?" I asked. "What don't I understand yet? What is to understand? This is chaos we're talking about! Chaos! Its very nature is that it is unpredictable and difficult to understand! It's irrational! It doesn't make any sense! And I'm sick of it!"

Aril smiled at me.

"Let me ask you a question," he said. "What is it that you want?"

I just stared at him, my fists still clenched from my previous outburst.

"What?" I asked.

"What is it that you want?" he repeated. "What is your desire, right now? What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? What, more than anything, do you want to happen?"

"I want…" I paused and considered this for a moment. What did I want?

The answer came quickly.

*

It was dark. The low murmur of the guy talking about some play on the radio was putting me to sleep — particularly when coupled with the hum of the engine and the pattering of the rain on the windscreen and the roof. It was fairly peaceful, but the back seat wasn’t very comfortable and I was starting to feel my usual sensation of travel sickness. I wasn’t sure when I started getting it, but it was always unpleasant. It just made me want to curl up in a corner and groan, and that’s not really practical when you’re sitting in the back of a car — not least because my mother usually told me to sit up, and also because Alice was sitting on the other side of the back seat, sound asleep. I doubted she'd have appreciated my head in her lap. I was pretty sure she'd only been dragged along on this trip to pick me up because my mother was paranoid about leaving her in the house by herself.

I closed my eyes. The car gave an occasional bump on uneven parts of the road, but the motion was mostly fairly relaxing.

“So, did you have a good time?” I heard my mother’s voice saying. “You look exhausted. Hope you didn’t spend all your time drinking and carousing.”

“No,” I grunted, in a vain attempt to try and close off the conversation before it began. I really wasn’t in the mood.

“So what was the best bit?” she asked.

“I’m not sure,” I said. “It was all pretty fun.”

I was going to think back on what had occurred over the last few days, but the bubbling feeling in my stomach wasn’t going away, so I just found myself thinking about that. Thinking about it didn’t help, of course, since focusing on it just made the feelings worse. The more conscious I was of them, the more I thought I was going to throw up. I tried to think about something — anything — else.

“Oh, come on, Jan,” said my father slightly irritably. “Can’t you see he’s knackered? Let him rest. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us, and I’m sure we can talk about it in the morning.”

“Sorry! Sorry!” said my mother in a mock-flustered tone, as if she had somehow offended me with her questions. “I’ll shut up.”

My father didn’t rise to her bait, and instead turned the radio up. Whatever it was the voice was talking about was terribly boring, but I was thankful for the distraction — both for my own gurgling stomach and from my mother’s incessant questioning. She never did quite know when to stop.

A few minutes passed, and no-one except the droning bore on the radio said anything. I was aware of Alice stirring beside me, but she didn't wake up. Eventually the programme came to an end, and it was time for the news. The radio gave the distinctive “pips” that signalled it was on the hour, and the newsreader announced that it was two o’ clock in the morning. I didn’t really listen to the bulletin; the smooth, soothing voice of the female newsreader washed over me and made me relax.

Patterns swirled behind my eyes. I recognised this as a sure sign I was tired. I knew that if I opened my eyes again, those patterns would still be there; hypnotic, washing over my vision. I focused on them, trying to make sense of them, and felt my consciousness slowly, gradually drifting away. I was falling asleep at last. Hopefully by the time I woke up again, we’d be home and I could just get into bed.

I don’t know how long I slept for, but I was awoken with a start by a sudden noise. It was my mother screaming. My eyes snapped open, but it took a moment for me to figure out what was going on. My mother was frantically grabbing for the steering wheel and there, in the driver’s seat, where my father should have been… was no-one at all. At least, that’s what it seemed like.

I blinked, and he was back again, wrestling with the wheel. But it was too late. The car was in a skid, and it was heading for the barrier at the side of the road. I didn’t know what was beyond it as it was still dark, but I had a bad feeling. I looked over at Alice, who was fully awake, and staring at me with absolute terror in her eyes.

The car, which was still moving at a fair speed, crashed straight through the barrier and into the blackness beyond. I felt the world spin sideways, and I knew that there was a drop beyond the barrier. I didn’t know how big it was or how long we would fall, but I knew that we were probably not coming back from it.

My stomach felt like it was in my mouth as the car went into freefall, still spinning and rolling in the air. The world felt like it was in slow motion. I wanted to look around, to work out what was going on, but I couldn’t — I was being thrown around too much.

I couldn’t hear anything. I was sure my mother, father and sister were both screaming in terror at the inevitable fate that seemed to await us, but somehow everything seemed to be muted; a silent, frightening world with no future.

The last sounds I heard were shattering glass, crumpling metal and the sickening crunch of bones.

I blacked out.

I don't know how long I was out for, but I woke up. And somehow, miraculously, despite the devastation around me, I was fine.

I crawled out of the shattered window.

And I ran.

We ordered pizza. There wasn't much food in the house, and after my experience the other day I didn't much feel like going to the supermarket again, plus it meant we'd be able to just sit down and talk about what the plan was.

There wasn't a lot to plan, really. I would go along to the club tomorrow, take something I'd written — which I still had to do — and then submit it. Alice would come along for moral support if I needed it, but quite rightly pointed out that I needed to be the one to do the talking if I could. It was no good her making bonds with people in this world, because–

I didn't finish that thought. I didn't want to think about that right now. Alice didn't belong here, and I didn't know what that meant in the long term. But it didn't matter. We had to resolve this situation, and it had to be soon. Every day we delayed, this "chaos"… thing grew in power, and if it regained the strength it had in Alice's world… well, then, I really didn't want to think about it.

"This is good pizza," said Alice. "Feels like forever since I've had one. Guess it has been quite a while. Hard to get one delivered if there's no-one else alive."

How could she do that? She was so strong. I had no idea how she had lived through the experience in her world and come out of the other end seemingly unscathed, cracking jokes about it. Everyone in her world was dead, and here she was munching on a slice of pizza in a world that was not her own as if nothing at all was amiss.

I envied her. I wished that I could adjust to new situations as quickly and deftly as she clearly could.

"Hey Alice," I said, swallowing the last piece of the slice I was on. "I've been meaning to ask, what were you doing for food? When I went to the supermarket in your world, all the power was off and everything was spoiled. It smelled awful."

"Oh, you know what Mum was like," said Alice, smiling. "Always kept a fully-stocked freezer. Turns out there was enough frozen bolognese and chillies and whatnot in there for several months, especially as I was the only one eating." She grinned at me. "After this pizza, though, I don't think I ever want to eat bolognese ever again."

I smiled at her. I was glad to have her in my life again, even if it was under these bizarre circumstances.

"So, Mr Author," said Aril grandly. "What are we going to write for your debut?"

He produced a pad of paper from somewhere and laid it down on the table. I thought for a moment.

"A piece of creative writing," I said. "I'm good at that." I felt a little guilty building myself up like that, but it was true — it was the one thing I knew I could do, and which I believed in my own abilities at.

"What about?" said Alice, interested.

"I'm not sure yet," I said. I took the pen which Aril had also produced from somewhere and chewed thoughtfully on the end of it.

Then I started to write.

The words flowed naturally and easily. They tumbled out of my head, through the pen and on to the paper. Before long, I'd filled a page.

"Easy there," said Aril. "You're not writing a novel."

"I know," I said.

"What are you writing?" said Alice.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said, a little embarrassed. I turned the pad away from her so she couldn't look over my shoulder. "You can have a look when it's done."

"All right," she said with a smile.

It didn't take much longer to finish. I filled two sheets of paper from the pad in the end. I could have gone on for a lot longer, but I figured it was better to try and finish it where I could. Like Aril said, I wasn't writing a novel, just something to publish in the magazine. That meant it had to be reasonably short, and good.

I wasn't sure it was either of those things.

Alice saw an opportunity and snatched the pad from me with a triumphant "Ha!". I went to stop her, but it was too late. She was already starting to read.

She read. I saw her eyes following each line, then returning to the start of the line, a little lower. She worked her way down the page, then onto the next.

Halfway down the second page, I saw her eyes grow moist.

By the end of the piece, tears were rolling down her face. She said nothing, and just put her arms around me.

"Looks like we're good to go," said Aril, smiling out of one corner of his mouth.

*

The next day, I went to school on the bus again. Alice promised to meet me after school, and we'd go to the club together. She reminded me that I had to do this myself, but she promised to be there to help me if I needed it.

The day passed in something of a haze. All I was focusing on was the task I had to complete after classes. I spent lunchtime with Laura, but don't remember what we talked about. I managed to get rid of her after classes by saying I needed to talk to some teachers about my coursework. She looked a little sad as she walked away. I felt bad for a little while, but she'd just get in the way.

And so I found myself outside the library. Alice stood next to me. She took my hand and squeezed it. I looked down at her, and her wide eyes gave me a look that said "you can do this."

I opened the door and walked in. Alice trailed behind me. I looked around. The club seemed to be assembled at a table at the far corner of the library. I went over.

"Ah, hello," said a guy with shaggy brown hair and thick-rimmed glasses. "Have a seat."

I recognised him. I wasn't sure why. I didn't think I had any classes with him… or did I?

I looked around the group. Something was familiar about all of them — the girl with the dyed red hair, the guy with a blonde bob that I always thought looked like a girl, the big guy with the sour expression on his face. Did I know these people? No, I couldn't.

My mind felt a little cloudy, but I remained lucid enough to sit down at the head of the table, directly opposite the guy who had first spoken to me.

I took out the pieces of paper with my contribution written on them and handed them over without saying a word. The guy in the glasses took them and looked them over. He nodded and passed them around the group.

The redheaded girl was the last to put the papers down. They all looked at me.

"That's really good," said the guy with the glasses. "That's really… brave. Very bold. Are you sure you want to do this?"

My mind remained cloudy. It felt like I was watching a dream, not sitting here talking to these people. I glanced over my shoulder to try and find Alice, but she was nowhere to be seen. I closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and opened them again.

I regained my sense of self. What was that?

I looked over my shoulder again and Alice was there, pretending to look at a bookshelf. She glanced at me and smiled, then turned back to the book she was browsing. She looked out of place, but no-one commented on her presence.

"Yes," I said finally, looking right into the eyes of the guy with the glasses. Then I looked around the faces of the assembled people around the table. All of them were gazing at me with sympathetic eyes. "Yes, I'm sure."

I suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to cry, but I didn't want to do it in front of these people. I didn't want to do it at all. But it was becoming harder and harder to resist.

I felt it build up inside me. It rose up from my heart, up my throat and out of my mouth as gulping sobs. My eyes filled with tears, and they started to flow freely down my face.

I covered my face with my hands and leaned on the table to support myself. My shoulders shook with every sob. The tears wouldn't stop. It was horrible to experience, but at the same time it was a sweet relief. I felt like this had been building up inside me for a long time, and letting it out seemed like a good thing to do.

I felt a hand on one shoulder, then the other. Alice?

I peeped out through a gap between my fingers. The sobbing was starting to subside, to be replaced by a dull feeling of absolute misery. I started to feel a little less embarrassed. The worst was over, so I could probably face Alice now.

I wiped my cheeks and eyes and took my hands away from my face. As my blurred vision came back into focus I was surprised to see not Alice standing next to me, but the faces of all of the assembled people from the club.

"What," I said. A sob threatened to prevent me from saying anything else. "What is this?"

They didn't say anything else. They just stood by me. I felt a sense of warmth and comfort.

I didn't understand. Surely this was wrong? I didn't know these people… did I? Or did I? There was something overwhelmingly familiar about them, and it occurred to me that when I had showed up today, not a single one of them had asked why I was there. Did they know me?

No, that couldn't be true, I thought. The only person in my life is Laura. And now Aril and Alice, of course. But before them, there was no-one but Laura. She'd stood by me and helped me out. She'd helped me to be strong, to deal with all this. She'd been my rock.

I felt a bit bad about how I'd been treating her recently, but it was too late now.

"I think we're good for today," said a voice that I recognised as the guy in the glasses. "Do you need any help getting home?"

I took a deep breath and slumped back in my chair.

"No," I said. "I think I'll be fine."

"All right," he said. "We'll print this in the next issue. Thank you so much for writing it."

They walked out and left me sitting there.

Alice came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Well done," she said softly. "I knew you could do it."

"Let's go home," I said. "And let's walk. I feel like I need to clear my head a bit."

"Sure," she said. She took my hand and led me out of the library. Once we got outside, the cool breeze felt good on my face. My eyes still stung a bit, but the feeling of wanting to break down in tears had passed. Now I just felt a bit numb.

I didn't quite understand what had happened today, but I knew that it was important. I knew that I'd taken a big step towards resolving this situation. But exactly how it fit into the whole picture wasn't yet clear to me.

"We'll get there," said Alice. "We'll be all right."

And so it was that a school day came around, and I had a mission to fulfil. I had to find a club to join so I could make some friends.

It was a ridiculous idea. It wouldn't work. It was too hard.

It actually made me nervous to think about. The idea of talking to people made me sweat. It made my hands shake. But I knew it was the only thing we had to go on for the moment.

I assumed that Laura wasn't going to show up, so I got up early and headed out to the bus stop. I hadn't caught the bus for a while. Too many people for my liking — and too many people that I didn't want to associate myself with.

No, I thought. I have to stop thinking like that. I'll never get through this if I keep alienating myself like that. I can't keep thinking that people are something to be feared and avoided.

I fiddled with my phone as a few people showed up at the bus stop. None of them gave me a second glance. I was glad. I wasn't quite ready for this yet. I continued cycling around between my email and the Web until the bus finally showed up, then pocketed my phone and handed the exact change to the driver without a word. I sat down in a vacant seat and tried to ignore the kids at the back blasting music out of their mobile phones. They intimidated me, even though they were clearly much younger than me. I hoped they didn't come over and harass me.

They didn't.

The bus arrived at college without incident. The younger kids got off well before my stop when the bus arrived at their school, leaving me to relax a little.

I walked into my classroom, not looking at anyone. I sat down. I didn't look around to try and find Laura. If she wanted to talk to me, she'd come and find me.

Morning registration was over before I knew it, and I slipped out as part of the rush. Morning classes also passed without incident. Laura didn't come and find me. I was quite glad. I couldn't face her right now.

Lunchtime came. Time for phase one of the plan — a bit of scouting.

I realised I had no idea where to start.

Alice had made a few suggestions. The college magazine. There certainly was one, but where would they meet? The library? The computer suites? I wasn't sure, so I headed for the library first. Sure enough, there was a scrappy-looking piece of paper taped to the wall inviting contributions for the next edition of the magazine. The next meeting was tomorrow after classes.

All right, I thought. I can spend a day preparing myself for that. But I'd need to show up with something to contribute. What? I'd never read the magazine, so I wasn't sure what sort of thing they were after.

I walked into the library. It was deserted. I wasn't surprised. It was cold and the selection of books wasn't particularly good, making it largely worthless to most of the student population. The librarian looked up with a start from her desk as I walked in, as if surprised to see another living being.

"Hello," she said. "Can I help you with something?"

"Yes," I said, my voice wavering. I realised I hadn't spoken all day. "Do you have a copy of the college magazine?"

"I think so," she said. "Hold on."

She disappeared into the mysterious office behind the counter and returned with a floppy-looking magazine made of sheets of copier paper stapled inexpertly together. It didn't look like much. Perhaps this wouldn't be so hard.

"It's fifty pence," she said.

It costs money? I thought. Of course it does.

I rummaged around in my pocket, hoping that I still had some change left over. Fortunately, I did, so I handed it over to the librarian and settled down at one of the desks to read my new acquisition. I had a feeling that no-one would be bothering me.

I opened the magazine. Inside it was quite professionally laid out, though the print quality wasn't up to much. You could tell it had been put together using some basic computer software and then just photocopied.

I flipped through. There was a surprising amount of well-written content. There was a full-page writeup on a recent sporting success for the college football team; some reviews of recent films; but what really caught my eye was a section that seemed to feature creative submissions — poetry and very short stories. I read them through and, to my modest eye, they certainly seemed like the sort of thing I could come up with without too much difficulty. I usually got good marks in my English Language classes for my creative projects, so perhaps that could be my contribution.

I closed the magazine and laid it down on the table. As I looked up, I realised that Laura was standing right in front of me.

"Hey," she said quietly. "You okay?"

I looked at her. She looked… normal. She didn't look mad, or upset, or anything. She was just Laura.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm all right."

There was an awkward silence for a moment.

"What are you doing?" she said. "I didn't know you were interested in the mag."

"I'm just curious," I said. "I realised I'd never really checked it out."

There was another awkward silence.

"Can we talk?" she said. "Not here?" She glanced at the librarian, who was very pointedly not watching us, but very obviously eavesdropping.

"Sure," I said. I had a bad feeling, but it was probably better to clear the air sooner rather than later.

We walked out of the library and out into the corridor. It was quiet around here — you could hear students milling around in the distance, but you could tell the library was a forgotten backwater by the fact that no-one at all was walking through these hallways.

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly. "I freaked out a bit. I shouldn't have done that. I know you're dealing with a lot of things."

"No," I said. "I'm sorry. I was… confused. I shouldn't have said those things. I… I can't explain them."

"It's all right," she said. She walked a little closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "I can't pretend to understand even half of what you've been going through recently. If you say that something weird happened that made you believe… what you said, then I'll accept that."

"That's exactly what happened," I said. "It was… strange."

I sat down on a bench at the side of the corridor and held my head in my hands.

"I don't know what's going on any more, Laura," I said. "This is all too much to deal with. And now I've got to…"

I trailed off. I got a sudden feeling that telling Laura about our new plan would be a very bad idea indeed.

"You've got to what?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said. I changed the subject. "Did you drop by my house recently?"

"Yes," she said. "I… ran into your sister."

I nodded.

"You managed to… bring her here?" she asked. "I was surprised to see her."

I nodded again, but said nothing else.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I'm probably poking at you too much. Would you like me to leave you alone?"

I raised my head and looked at her.

Did I want her to leave me alone? On the one hand, having her here was comforting. On the other, it was making it harder to deal with everything. I felt like I needed to hide some things from her, and lying to her was proving more stressful than I thought. I figured that probably said something positive about my personality. I'll take small victories where I can get them.

"I think… Yeah, I just need a bit of time to think," I said. "Sorry. I just–"

"It's okay," she said. She placed her hands on my cheeks and held my head in place, looking straight at me. "It'll be all right."

She kissed me on the lips and walked away. I was left sitting on the bench in this forgotten corner of the school, more confused than ever.

*

I hope he's doing all right, I thought. I sipped on a cup of tea that I'd made for myself. Aril was just sitting in the corner of the room staring into space. He wasn't being much of a conversationalist.

I stood up.

"Want anything?" I asked.

"No," he said bluntly.

Fine. I walked up the stairs to my room and browsed the bookshelves. They were exactly as I remembered them. I ran my finger along the cracked spines of the many paperbacks I'd read over the years, and eventually settled on a cheesy, funny, teenage "coming of age" book I'd been through several times already. The characters in it were supposed to be older than me, but I'd always felt more mature than them. It made me happy to feel that way.

I took the book and returned to the living room. Aril was still staring into space. Well, all right then.

I opened the book and started to read quietly. Aril still said nothing.

I finished the prologue. Then the first chapter. Finally he spoke.

"Do you think he'll be able to do this?" he asked.

"Yes," I said straight away. I gave my brother a hard time, but I believed he could do it.

"Are you sure?" he asked. There was a hint of worry in his voice. I didn't like it.

"Yes," I said again, not looking up from my book. "We've got to believe that, right?"

"Yes," he replied.

The room became silent again. The only sound was the fwip-fwip of my pages turning. I finished two more chapters.

"I'm not doing nothing," he said.

I closed the book and looked up.

"What?" I asked.

"I said I'm not doing nothing," he said, sitting forward in his chair. "I'm keeping an eye on him. Or his mind, anyway."

"Oh," I said. Creepy. "And?"

"It's…" he began. "You're probably right. It will all be fine. From what I could make out, I think we might need your talents tomorrow."

"Oh?" I said. "Did he pick a club?"

"Looks like the school magazine," he said. "For some reason he's hiding what he's up to from that girl he knows," he added.

"That girl?" I asked. "The one who came over?"

"Yes," he said.

Another long pause.

"I think he's right to do that," he said. "I'm not sure, but there's something… strange about her."

"Strange?" I asked. "How?"

"Hard to say," he said. "I'm just getting a bad feeling."

Aril hadn't been acting like Aril lately. I didn't like it. I preferred it when he was leaning against walls looking bored and occasionally making sarcastic comments. This was all a bit serious for my liking.

"Well," I said. "Not much we can do right now. We'll just wait for him to come home, and then we'll decide what to do."

"Yes," he said. He sounded uneasy. I didn't blame him. It wasn't clear how this was going to end. The only thing that was clear was the fact that it wasn't over yet.

We sat down in the living room. I had brought some coffee in. I was surprised to see Aril drinking it, but apparently he had something of a taste for it, not to mention an asbestos mouth, given the rate at which he knocked it back.

After we'd all calmed down a bit — even Aril had looked somewhat on edge, which surprised me — I tried to explain what had happened, to the best of my memory.

It was strange. I couldn't remember all of it. It was fading rapidly, like a dream. Was it a dream? No, of course it wasn't, because both Aril and Alice had seen me disappear, and had said so.

Aril and Alice. Two people who didn't belong in this world. My only assurance that what I thought had happened was real came from two people who shouldn't exist.

"Are you all right?" said Alice. "You stopped in mid-sentence."

"Oh, right," I said, catching myself. "No, I'm fine, I was just… trying to remember."

Alice gave me a funny look, but didn't say anything else. I continued trying to explain.

There was darkness, definitely. And loneliness. A feeling of being nowhere. A feeling almost like I'd been completely erased from existence, but was still somehow aware. Perhaps existence had been erased from around me instead. I didn't know. It didn't really matter.

Something had happened to me. Someone was there. Who?

The memory was there, I could tell, but every time I tried to remember it in detail it was as if it was "hiding" in a dark corner like a frightened animal.

"Some girl came over," said Alice suddenly. "She was looking for you."

Laura? Was it Laura?

Wait. Laura was… was she…?

No, she couldn't be. If she was here, then she couldn't have been… but then she did disappear… but that wouldn't make any sense, because this doesn't have anything to do with her.

"No, it's worth considering," said Aril out loud, apparently reading my thoughts. Alice gave him a curious look.

"Do you have to do that?" I asked. "It's weird."

"Do what?" said Alice.

"Root around inside my head," I said. "Him, not you," I added, for clarification.

"Oh," said Alice. "Right." She looked a little confused. I realised that she still had no idea what we were talking about.

"Did you know the girl who came over?" I asked her.

"I thought I knew her," she said, "but I couldn't remember her name."

"What did she look like?" I asked.

"She was pretty," said Alice. "And about your age. I guess she's a friend of yours or something." She paused and gave me a rather childish smile. "Or your girlfriend, perhaps?"

I winced slightly.

"She is your girlfriend?" she said. "Oh, I was just teasing. But…"

"She's not," I growled. I was remembering the confusing sequence of events that had happened the last time I had seen her. Had that really happened? I realised it had come out a little more acidic than I had perhaps intended. "Sorry. No. She's… just a friend. I think. That's neither here nor there, really. You didn't finish describing her."

Alice rattled off a fairly vague physical description that sounded pretty much like Laura. I nodded. Hm. So she'd come back to see me? That was… unexpected. She was the one who had said she needed space and wanted to get away after… whatever had happened. But she'd come back?

I was confused. Very confused. And thinking about it wasn't helping matters.

After a short silence, eventually Aril spoke.

"So," he said. "It sounds like our friend is paying attention to you, at least. If it interfered with you to such a degree that you can barely remember what happened, it's certainly taking an interest. So we apparently know how to attract it. Now all we have to do is figure out how to deal with it."

How do you deal with "chaos" anyway? I had no idea. I was well out of my depth. I was only just coming to terms with the fact that I could apparently step between worlds. And, given what had happened, I was in no real rush to try that again.

Aril once again sensed what I was thinking.

"It's a difficult question," he said. "Logically, the way to beat 'chaos' is with 'law', but I'm not entirely sure how that applies here."

I scratched my head. "Law," huh? I wondered what that looked like. If "chaos" was a confusing mass of conflicting messages that didn't make any sense and "law" was the opposite, then it must be a sense of being firmly grounded in reality, of being absolutely sure of the truth and sticking resolutely to it.

I thought once again about Aril's words — my "weak connection" to this world. I wondered if that was the key somehow. If I could somehow strengthen that connection, then perhaps that would count as "law" standing against "chaos". But how would I strengthen that connection? I had no idea whatsoever what a "connection" to this world even meant — although I had assumed that Laura's sudden departure after the strange events had weakened that connection further.

Hmm.

"You could be on to something there," said Aril. Damn him. Why couldn't he have a conversation out loud like a normal person? "So we need to think about how you can strengthen your connections to this world to ward off the chaos. It's something to try, if nothing else."

"So basically you need to make some friends?" said Alice. "That doesn't sound so tough."

Of course it doesn't sound tough, I thought. You always had friends swarming around you.

I was suddenly wracked with guilt at the wave of bitterness towards Alice I had just felt, but I couldn't deny where it had come from. She had always been much more outgoing and social than I ever was. She had always had lots of friends, and was always spending time with them — going out at the weekends, having people over, having sleepovers at her friends' houses. At least, I assumed that this Alice was the same as the one I had known.

Me, on the other hand… I had always found it difficult to make friends. Any time I even thought about talking to someone other than Laura, I felt choked up and unable to speak. My old problem tended to raise its head — I'd imagine talking to the person in front of me, then I'd imagine the conversations going as bad as it was possible to go, and then I'd walk away without actually having the conversation.

This was a silly way to be, I knew, but it was the way I'd always been. I'd never really trained myself out of it as a young child, which meant it was even harder to do so now. I'd somehow survived my entire school life without really having anyone close to me — apart from Laura, of course — and had come out of the other end relatively unscathed. Well, unless you counted all the terrible things that had happened since then. But I somehow doubted they were anything to do with me having friends or not.

Alice frowned at me.

"You haven't said anything for ages," she said. "Are you all right?"

"Mm," I said, absent-mindedly. I was still considering what we'd just talked about. It made a certain amount of sense. It was perfectly logical that the more people I knew — or who knew me — the stronger a "connection" I'd have. But the prospect of doing that terrified me somewhat. Wasn't there another way?

"You don't sound all right," said Alice. "Are you worried about the prospect of making some new friends?"

I paused for a moment. There was no point in lying.

"Yes," I said simply.

"Hm," said Alice. "Perhaps I can help you out with that somehow."

"How?" I asked.

"Well," she said. "You go to college, right? Perhaps I should come along and try and help you meet some new people. People seem to like me. At least they did before they all, you know, disappeared."

I nodded. It actually wasn't a bad idea. Obviously I wouldn't be able to sneak her into lessons, but there was nothing stopping her coming onto the campus at lunchtime and helping me make some friends. I didn't want to come to rely on her, though. But I grudgingly accepted that I needed some help.

The big question was where to start. I wasn't a member of any of the clubs or societies that ran, and I didn't have any real talents that made any of them a particularly good fit. Also, we were already well into the term, so I figured that they probably wouldn't want to take on new people.

This was pointless, I thought. There's no way this can work.

"Stop it," said Aril.

"What?" said Alice.

"He's thinking about giving up before he's even tried," he said, tapping his fingertips together and turning to address me directly. "That's a poor habit. You need to stop that."

He was right, of course. There was really no rational reason for me to not give this a try. If the person I tried to talk to didn't like me, then all I had to do was move on to someone else and avoid the original person. With so many people milling around the college each day, that surely wouldn't be a problem.

Alice repeated almost exactly what I was thinking. I smiled at her. We were apparently on the same wavelength. That knowledge was comforting.

"Okay, okay," I said. "I'll do it. Where should I start? A club?"

"A club's not a bad idea," said Alice. "It's a good chance to meet people who like things you like. Plus you can meet several people at once. I know that might be a bit scary, knowing you, but it's a good, quick way of getting to know people. And I sort of get the impression we should hurry a bit."

"All right," I said.

"So what club are you going to start with?" she asked, her eyes bright. She was enjoying this a little too much. But given that back in her world, joining a club and hanging out with people was something that was now impossible for her, I didn't begrudge her the feeling.

"I don't know," I said, a sour expression on my face.

"Oh, cheer up," she said. "What do you like doing?"

I considered this for a moment.

"Reading," I said. "And writing."

"So your ideal club is just 'school', then," she said sarcastically. "I'm just kidding. Is there a book club or a magazine or newspaper or something? I used to help out with the newspaper at my school."

"I remember," I said fondly. "I used to like your articles."

She smiled at me. I knew that the articles I read and the ones she wrote might not have been quite the same, given the circumstances, but it wasn't a lie. Her school newspaper was a surprisingly professional production. It only came out about once or twice a term, though, depending on whether or not the club could be bothered. Someone needed to teach them about deadlines.

"I'm not sure," I added. "That's one thing to have a look at."

"What about music?" she said. "You don't play anything, do you? What about singing?"

The prospect of singing filled me with enormous dread, but I knew that the college had a decent choir. I mentally filed it under "possible" — one to fall back on if there was really nothing else.

"And sports?" she asked.

"No," I said.

"Oh come on," she said. "No sports at all? You'll get fat and unfit."

Her words stung a bit. I wasn't any good at sports, and had always felt a bit excluded for my lack of skill.

"Hey!" she said, apparently seeing my expression. "I was just joking! Stop being so sensitive."

She'd always been like this, joking around and light-heartedly needling me about various things. It was a trait that had always frustrated me back then, but now it was quite endearing, perhaps because I hadn't been around it for so long. I felt a bit sad.

"All right," she said. "Well, we have an idea. You should go to college tomorrow and scout out what clubs there are. Then when you decide to join one, I'll come along and be awesome and help you make friends. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," I said, smiling.

Perhaps this would work after all. It wouldn't be easy for me, but nothing ever was. At least this was doing something positive.

I felt myself filling with resolve. I looked at Alice and her eyes seemed to sparkle. I looked at Aril and he gave me a slightly bored-looking smile.

I felt strong.

"Whoa," said Aril. "You've got quite a pair of lungs on you."

I closed my eyes and balled my hands up into fists. I hope it reached him. Wherever he was.

Of course it couldn't have reached him. That was ridiculous. I couldn't shout between worlds. Could I?

No, that was ridiculous.

I felt Aril's hand on my shoulder. It was cold.

"This will… work out," he said. It didn't sound overly convincing. "He'll be back. I'm sure of it. He's… special."

I hadn't heard him use this tone before. I didn't like it. He sounded uneasy.

BANG-BANG-BANG.

What?

BANG-BANG-BANG.

Someone was knocking on the door. Both Aril and I froze. What were we supposed to do? I looked at him in the hope that he might give me some sort of signal. He looked back at me, but his eyes were blank. I half expected him to just vanish into nothingness to not deal with an awkward situation — it wouldn't be the first time he'd done that, for sure.

I was glad when he didn't do that.

BANG-BANG-BANG.

Whoever was knocking on the door wasn't going away. I grit my teeth and walked into the hallway, trying not to make a noise, or a movement obvious enough to be seen through the frosted glass. I carefully put my eye to the peephole and looked out.

There was a girl out there. I vaguely recognised her, but I couldn't remember her name. Had I met her before? I didn't know.

What to do?

BANG-BANG-BANG.

The sudden sound of her knocking again made me jump, and I bumped into the door, making a sound.

"Bugger," I muttered to myself.

"I know you're in there!" came the girl's voice from outside. "Please open up. I want to talk to you."

I wanted to shout back "no!" at her, but figured that would probably just confuse her. Better to take the direct approach?

I flung open the door and stood there defiantly with my hands on my hips.

"Leave this place!" I bellowed in my strongest voice. "Begone! Away! And never return!"

No, actually, I didn't do that. It would have been fun, but also there was really no reason to. Also, who talks like that outside of books?

I did, however, decide to open the door — slowly and carefully rather than flinging it open dramatically, though.

"There you a–" began the girl. She stopped when she saw me. "What the fu–"

She trailed off. Obviously she knew who I was. I couldn't remember her name, though.

"Alice?" she said. "Is that you?"

I nodded.

"But you're–"

I smiled sweetly.

"No, never mind," she said. "Um, can I come in?"

"It's not really a great time," I said. "Do you need something?"

"I was hoping to talk to your brother, actually," she said, eyeing me warily. "But… I'm guessing he's not here?"

"No, actually," I said, a little more defiantly than I meant to. "I'm not sure when he'll be back."

It wasn't technically a lie. I didn't know when he'd be back. I also didn't know where he was, but this girl didn't need to know that.

Where did I know her from?

"Oh," she said, looking a little upset. "Sorry to bother you, then. I'll… try again another time."

"Okay," I said brightly. "Bye!"

She turned around and walked away. I watched her leave. I felt Aril walk up behind me, though as usual he didn't make a sound while he was walking. I just felt his presence. I also felt a sense of relief from him.

"Okay, that's that dealt with for now," he said. "Now we need to figure out what to do next."

I frowned.

"Do you know who that was?" I said. "She seemed familiar but I just couldn't place her."

Aril scratched his face.

"She's… hmm, how to explain it," he said. "She's important to your brother, though there's something not quite right about her. I haven't quite figured it out yet. We should keep an eye on her, though."

"Uh-huh," I said, looking down the path where she had just walked away. "So we let her go."

Aril nodded. His usual confidence was nowhere to be seen. This whole situation had obviously shaken him up a bit, and it worried me. He was normally so calm and cool about everything, and for this to mess him up? I didn't like it.

"We let her go. But we should keep an eye on her," I said.

He nodded again. He didn't seem to see what I was getting at.

"Should we perhaps follow her?" I said, spelling it out for him.

"Oh," he said. "Right. Yes. Maybe."

"Come on then," I said, pulling one of my brother's coats off the hooks by the door. It was way too big but I didn't have any of my own clothes here, so it was the best I could do. It was cold outside. I wasn't about to go out in the cold without a coat.

I left the door unlocked so we could get back in later. I had no idea where the keys might be in this world, so rather than waste time looking for them I just left it unlocked. This always used to be a nice neighbourhood, at least in my world, so hopefully it was the same here.

Aril followed me out of the door and we set off down the path to follow the girl.

*

She'd left me. She'd made me feel safe, comfortable and warm — holding me, embracing me, kissing me — and then she'd left. I was all alone again. I was back in the darkness again. Where was I? Who was–

Suddenly, there was a bright flash, and I heard a sound. A rushing, roaring, whooshing sound that culminated in the sound of someone's voice, distorted and echoey, like it was being amplified too much and blasted out of some speakers too small to cope with the sound. It was something that I hadn't heard for a very long time. But it was something that I needed to hear — something that I hadn't realised how much I had longed to hear.

It was something that gave me hope. Something that I knew would bring me home.

A connection. A weak connection, but a connection nonetheless. I could make it back. I could make it back. I could make it back.

I closed my eyes and followed the sound. I didn't know which direction it was coming from or even which direction I was facing, but I could tell where to go. I knew what it was. It was calling me. It needed me. It wanted me.

I floated. I couldn't tell how long for. But I could tell I was going somewhere. The actual sound had long since dissipated, but I still knew that I needed to continue onwards. Ever onwards. Follow the sound. Return home.

Where was home? Who was calling me? And why was I here?

My mind kept being clouded by strange questions and doubts, but I shook them off. I didn't need to hear them. I needed to focus right now, to concentrate, to make sure that I got to my destination.

Home. That was where I was going.

Home.

I felt my feet land on solid ground. I opened my eyes, and I was back where I thought I should be. It took a moment to orient myself, but I recognised the open door, the shelves, the cold room in front of me.

I was back home. Back where I should be.

"Hello?" I called, my mind swirling back into place as if it was trailing behind my body by a few seconds. "Aril? Alice? Are you here?"

There was no response. I swallowed and looked around. How long had I been gone?

I closed the pantry door.  I walked to the bottom of the stairs and called up them.

"Alice? Aril? Are you here?" I shouted again. "Hello?"

Still no response.

This was the… right world, right? Doubts started to creep in. The questions started to slip into my mind through the cracks again. They were unwelcome, but the fact I was still alone was making it harder to fight them off.

I looked around the hallway. I saw that one of my coats was missing from the hooks on the wall. Oddly, that gave me a sense of relief. Alice must have taken it. But when? Where had she gone? Why? How would I find her?

It wouldn't do to stand around here. I took one of my other coats down from the coat hook. I opened the door — it was still unlocked, presumably from when Alice had left — and walked outside. I fumbled in my pocket for my keys and locked it behind me.

Now what?

I walked down the path from my front door and onto my street. Which way? I couldn't tell.

I closed my eyes. I wasn't sure why.

"Alice!" I cried out. I didn't expect it to work. If I couldn't see her, she probably wouldn't be able to hear me, either. I didn't like speaking loudly in the street. There was no-one else around, but I was still self-conscious about the neighbours looking outside and seeing me yelling to myself. I gave it one more try, though, louder and longer this time. "Alice!"

There was no response. I didn't expect there to be. Why would there b–

I heard footsteps. They were running. Coming from — over there? Yes, there they were. And they belonged to–

"Alice!" I said, shocked. Part of me wasn't expecting to see her again at all, let alone so soon. She flung her arms around me and nearly knocked me over as she ran into me.

"You heard!" she said. "You heard!"

I wasn't really sure what she meant, but I was happy that she was pleased to see me.

Wait… "you heard"? Had she been the source of the sound? My connection?

"Yes," I found myself saying, almost automatically. "I heard, Alice. Thank you for bringing me back."

"I want you to try something," said Aril to me.

"What?" I asked.

"You've crossed over to the world Alice here came from," he said, waving his hand in the general direction of my sister, who was presently wandering around the top floor of my house looking at everything, presumably trying to work out how things differed from her world. "But you know, that's not the only other world out there."

"Right," I said. "You said something about… other worlds existing on a 'continuum' and the world Alice is from being 'closest' to this one, right?"

"Yes," said Aril. "It's also the last world that our chaotic friend passed through. What I'm interested to see is what's going on in the next world. His next target."

"The next one?" I asked curiously. I knew already that there were other worlds out there, of course — infinite possibilities, infinite worlds, presumably — but I'd always been drawn to the one Alice had come from. I hadn't seen a hint of another one, but presumably if I was able to make use of my new… abilities, I'd be able to do so. Assuming there was a "gate".

I thought about this for a moment.

"But wait," I said. "The reason I can go back and forth to Alice's world is because of the gates, right?"

"Yes," said Aril.

"And the gates are a result of this chaos thing messing things up, right?"

"Yes," said Aril.

"So if the chaos thing hasn't been to the next world, there won't be any gates, right?"

"Yes," said Aril.

How infuriating. Say something more.

"You're correct," said Aril. "Which is where I can help you out a bit. I don't have the energy to pass through myself right now, but I can create a temporary gate for you."

I nodded.

"All right. What am I looking for?"

That was decisive. When did I become so assertive? I could feel Alice's eyes on me. They were displaying something like surprise… or was it admiration? I couldn't tell.

"Nothing much," said Aril. "You won't be able to stay long. But take a look and see if things are… all right there. We're only assuming that our friend hasn't paid it a visit yet, of course. It'd be nice to know if we were right."

"Okay," I said. "I'm ready."

"Right," said Aril. "Now, we should probably find a place that wouldn't be too obtrusive for you to suddenly appear. Just in case…"

I shivered slightly at the thought. Alice seemed to be just fine with what had been going on, but I couldn't guarantee that the incarnations of my family from another plane of existence would be quite so accepting of all this.

We eventually settled on the walk-in pantry in the kitchen. I didn't keep it particularly well-stocked these days, as I tended to just put stuff in the fridge or freezer, but that meant that there was enough room to stand in there.

"Okay," said Aril. "I'll try and open the gate there."

Aril clicked his fingers and what looked like a holographic display appeared from the back of his hand. He tapped some floating virtual buttons and there was a momentary flash, but as usual I couldn't see the gate.

"Go on," he said. "Step on through."

I tried to recreate the way I felt and what I did when I stepped through into Alice's room before.

"Go for it!" I heard her voice say behind me. "You can do it."

I closed my eyes, grit my teeth and made my mind go blank. I felt oddly relaxed as I stepped through the doorway of the pantry.

Darkness.

It was all black. I opened my eyes, but it was still dark.

I reached out in front of me for the familiar pantry shelves, but I didn't feel anything at all, not even a breeze as I moved my arms. Were my arms there? I couldn't tell. This world just seemed to be… absolute nothingness.

Had I come to a world where everything was all over? Had I come to a world where existence had simply stopped? If so, how was this place — if it was even a place — even here? And if there was nothing here, presumably I was in the darkness and vacuum of space, but I was still alive.

Wasn't I?

I felt like I was alive. But I couldn't feel anything. Because there was nothing to feel.

I wanted to call out, but something stopped my voice from coming out. Was it the lack of air? No, because if there was no air, I'd be dead. I was still alive, right?

I felt like I was alive. But I couldn't feel anything. Because there was nothing to feel.

This was loneliness. This was absolute nothingness. This was being isolated from everything I had known, everyone I had ever loved.

Somehow I found them hard to picture right now.

Why was I here? What was I doing?

Who was I?

I… didn't know.

I floated — floated? — around, though there was nothing to see that gave me a reference point. I couldn't tell where the "gate" I had come in from was any more. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't feel anything. Again, my thoughts turned to the question of my own existence. Was I alive?

I felt like I was alive. But I couldn't feel anything. Because there was nothing to feel.

I thought I should be more scared at this strange situation. I thought I should be more worried. But I wasn't. I wasn't relaxed, either. I just… was. A consciousness floating in the void. Swirling nothingness in some further swirling nothingness.

Suddenly I felt another presence, though I still saw nothing.

I didn't like the new presence. It seemed threatening, but still I felt nothing.

It seemed like it was mocking me, laughing at me. But still I felt nothing.

I tried to ignore it, tune it out, but it felt like it was following me around. If I could see anything, it would have been following wherever I was looking, like something stuck in my eye. But there was nothing to see. There was nothing here. I was all alone, apart from this strange presence. I didn't even feel like my own "self" was here.

I wanted to come back. But to where? To what? To whom?

Where was home? Who was I? Who was waiting for me?

I fell to the ground with a thump and realised my eyes were closed. My back hurt. I'd fallen onto a solid floor.

Wait, I thought. A solid floor? Feelings. Pain.

I opened my eyes and looked up. It was still dark, but I could at least see where I was now. I recognised it. This place felt familiar. Was it… home?

I unsteadily got to my feet. Yes, this was familiar. I reached out for the door in front of me and opened it. Inside were some shelves, but they were all bare. It was cold inside. It felt like this place had been deserted for a long time.

I closed the door.

Where was I? Was this really home? It looked like there was no-one here. Should there be someone here? Something lingered at the back of my mind. Someone was waiting for me. Who was it?

"Hi," came a voice from behind me. I span around. She was standing in front of me. I knew her. I remembered her.

"Laura?" I said. "Yes, it's you."

"Yes, it's me," she said. "It's all right. You're safe now."

I didn't feel safe in this strange place, but the girl — Laura — was a comforting presence. She was important to me. I was important to her. We belonged together.

Did we?

Yes.

Was she the one who was waiting for me? Something at the back of my mind made me unsure, but that feeling was rapidly fading.

Laura stepped forward and put her arms around my neck. She embraced me tightly, and kissed me passionately on the lips. It was a nice feeling. I didn't want her to let go.

"I won't," she whispered to me. "I won't let you go."

I knew that she wasn't joking. And I was happy. I closed my eyes and let the pleasurable sensations of her lips meeting mine, her tongue exploring my mouth, wash over me. This was happiness. This was companionship. This took the loneliness away. I was safe, and no longer alone.

I felt my "self" slipping away, but I didn't care any more. This was the place I wanted to be, the place I wanted to stay, and nothing was going to change that.

*

"Shit," said Aril.

"What?" I said. I felt bad. It felt like there were spiders crawling up my back. I really hoped that there weren't. It was just nerves. But something seemed wrong.

Aril stayed quiet. I didn't like it. I spoke again.

"What?" I said, a bit louder.

He still stayed quiet. That wasn't like him.

"Come on!" I said. "Tell me! You're going to have to eventually."

He paused, and turned to look at me. The creepy feeling on my back started up again.

"We may have a problem," he said. "He's… gone."

"What do you mean, gone?" I said. The spiders on my back felt like they'd doubled in size and got twice as hairy.

"Exactly what I say," he said. "He's gone. I don't know where he is. He went through the gate and now… nothing."

"Then get him back!" I said, louder still. I really didn't want to shout at Aril, but I felt I probably would before long. "Please!"

"There's no getting him back," said Aril. "Wherever he's gone, he's going to have to find his own way back. Because he's not where he should be."

"What?" I shouted. "But he was…"

"I know," said Aril, interrupting me. It annoyed me a bit, but I wasn't quite sure what I was going to say anyway. "I'm sorry."

I just stood and looked at Aril, then at the open door of the pantry, then back at Aril again.

I'd lost him twice now. I'd lost my brother twice. It wasn't getting any easier. How was I supposed to deal with this? How was I supposed to deal with meeting my brother who I thought was dead, then losing him again? How was I supposed to accept this? How could I get him back?

I felt my eyes filling up with tears. I wanted to just fall down and cry, but I tried to hold back the feeling. It was difficult. My lip trembled and my knees shook. But I didn't let the tears out.

I needed him back. He'd saved me from that terrible, awful, lonely world of nothingness. Now I needed to save him. How could I save him? How could I get him back? How could I find him?

I couldn't work it out. My eyes were stinging. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout. I wanted to scream.

So I did. Just one word.

I hoped it was enough.

The first task Aril set me sounded simple, but ended up being significantly more challenging than I think either of us thought. Due to my supposed "weak connection" to this world — a connection which I felt could have only been weakened by the disastrous and inexplicable encounter with Laura — Aril theorised that I should be able to make use of the "gates," as he called them, without having to wait for the times when they were at their "widest."

Each gate was seemingly different in the times it expanded and contracted — that would explain how I had passed through ones in the middle of the day at school and yet the one that was seemingly in Alice's doorway only opened at 2:30 in the morning. As it was nowhere near that time, we decided to use that very gate as a means to test the theory.

Aril gave me an overly-technical explanation of how he passed between worlds, but it went right over my head, and it involved some sort of technology from his people, anyway. I figured that if I was one of his group of "Crusaders" I might have had a clue what he was on about, but I wasn't, and I didn't.

He sighed at the bewildered look on my face.

"Look," he said, "it's basically down to willpower. You have to let go of the world you're leaving and reach out for the one you're heading for. Your body will follow your will."

I still didn't really understand, but I was at least willing to give it a try.

I opened the door to Alice's room and peered inside. It was just as it always was — empty and devoid of life. I looked around the frame of the door and didn't see anything unusual — of course I didn't, why would I? — and grit my teeth ready to make an attempt.

"Focus," said Aril in a low voice. "You can do this."

I clenched my fists, though I wasn't sure why, and closed my eyes. I pictured walking through the doorway into Alice's room as I had done in the past, and seeing her sitting up in the bed.

I opened my eyes. I was standing in Alice's bedroom. There was no-one here. I turned around. Aril was leaning against the wall casually, shaking his head.

"No," he said. "Try again."

I walked back out of the room and tried again.

Let go, I thought. I don't belong here. I want to be with Alice.

I stepped through the doorway, and again nothing happened.

"Clear your mind," said Aril. "You're trying to reach out for another world, not for your sister. Your sister exists in this world still, too, as a concept at least, so wanting to be with her isn't going to help this."

I nodded, stepped out of the room, closed my eyes and blanked my mind as well as I could possibly manage. Then I walked through the doorway again.

This time I felt a strange sensation. It was like the uneasy feeling I'd experienced the very first time this had happened to me, but this time there was a strange tingling all over my body, too. It felt oddly pleasurable in a perverse sort of way.

Then I felt a "bump" as I collided with something, and a voice that I recognised. I fell forward and onto something soft and sweet-smelling.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" said Alice. "Where the fuck did you come from? And also, get off me!"

I opened my eyes and pulled back from whatever I had fallen onto. I saw bare skin and a bellybutton. I immediately blushed and stood up hastily, turning back towards the door with a sickening feeling in my stomach.

I heard the sound of Alice frantically putting clothes on behind me as I gazed out of the doorway. Aril was nowhere to be seen.

"You know," she said, her voice sounding a little calmer now, "I do appreciate these little visits, you know that, but at least when you were coming at predictable times you were less likely to walk in on me getting dressed after a shower. You may be from a different world or whatever, but you're still my brother, so it's still weird."

"Yes," I said, mortified. "Sorry."

"It's all right," she said with a slight laugh. I felt her hand on my shoulder. "You weren't to know. But I'm surprised; what are you doing here now? It's normally the middle of the night when you show up."

I sat down on her bed and gestured for her to join me. I explained about the conversations I'd had with Aril, and about our attempts to make use of my… strange properties to help sort out the whole situation. She seemed to take the whole explanation in her stride. I guess Aril was right; her inner strength and ability to deal with unusual, strange and terrifying situations was something else.

Something was bothering me, though.

"Um," I began, not quite sure how to raise it. "I'm… sorry about earlier."

"Earlier?" she said. "What about earlier?"

"In the bathroom," I said. "When you… you know, saw me."

"Saw you?" she said with a laugh. "I think seeing you in the bathroom probably would traumatise me, but no, that didn't happen. Did it? I don't think so. I think I would have remembered that."

It was strange. I definitely had a memory of her creeped-out face looking disgusted at me kneeling naked on the floor, but apparently she did not. But then Laura had no memory of what had supposedly happened between us, either, so perhaps it wasn't so unusual. Was this the power of chaos?

"Forget it," I said. "Too many strange things have been happening to me lately. It's getting difficult to keep track of them."

There was something else, though; something else that had been bothering me for a while now and I hadn't had the chance to ask.

"Alice," I said. "There's something else I wanted to ask you."

"Shoot," she said.

"When I first… appeared to you, it sounded like you were calling out to someone, as if you weren't surprised to see a person in your room. But if what you and Aril have told me about what happened here is true…"

"Oh, that," she said casually. "Yeah, I thought you were Aril. He'd been paying me regular visits since all this stuff started happening. I thought I was going mad from loneliness at first, hallucinating an imaginary friend or something, but it started happening too often for me to dismiss as just something my brain was cooking up. Unless all of this is a hallucination or nightmare that either or both of us is having. That'd be funny, wouldn't it?"

She laughed half-heartedly. I did the same. It didn't seem very funny. I sort of wished that was actually what was going on, because that meant it would all go away and life would go back to normal once the root cause was dealt with. I started to think that was sort of true anyway — but no, even if Aril and I were able to deal with the chaos thing, that was never going to bring Alice and my parents back. And it wouldn't bring this world's me back to Alice, either.

But Aril already knew Alice and had been visiting her? Somehow this news didn't surprise me, but I sort of resented the fact that neither of them had told me prior to this point. It seemed like something that might be a big deal. But apparently it wasn't. I bit my tongue before I made a sarcastic comment at Alice.

"So," she said. "What now? You're here, and I think this is the longest you've managed to stay without getting pulled back against your will. What's the plan?"

The first part of the plan was to get me into a situation where I was able to pass through these "gates" more easily without having to rely on them opening and closing. Beyond that, Aril had had a few ideas about how to proceed, but I wasn't sure I quite understood them just yet.

"I need to talk to Aril," I said. "Now that I can apparently do this, I imagine he's got something terrifying lined up for me to do in order to attract this chaos thing."

"Probably," said Alice. "If I can help, let me know, though I'm not sure what good I can do from here."

"Hmm," I said. "You've come through into my world before, though, right?"

"Yes," she said. "But I've no idea how that happened or if I could do it again."

"Can I try something?" I asked.

"Nothing weird," she said.

"Does passing between planes of existence count as 'weird'?" I said with a slight smile.

"These days? No, sadly," she said.

I stood up and offered her my hand. She seemed to know what I was thinking, and took it. I closed my eyes, grit my teeth and willed myself back to my own world as I pulled her through the doorway. I felt the oddly pleasurable tingling sensation once again, and a slight giggle behind me confirmed that Alice had felt it too. When I opened my eyes, Aril was still leaning against the wall, looking rather bored.

"Ah, welcome back," he said. "Not so difficult, is it? I'd say you're a natural. And hello to you, Alice. Hope you're well."

"As well as can be expected," she said, bowing her head slightly. "Sorry I didn't tell you about us sooner," she added, giving me a sheepish look.

"It's fine," I said. I gave Aril a sour look, but he said nothing. "So what now?"

"Well, actually, you might have done us a bit of a favour by bringing Alice here," said Aril. "You've sort of upset the natural order of things. She's not supposed to be here in this world; she shouldn't exist. I'd say that probably qualifies as something that might attract the attention of a chaotic entity, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh," I said limply. "Right. So, uh, what do we do? We fight it?"

"It's not quite that simple, I'm afraid," said Aril. Of course it isn't. "In its current state, there's no guarantee it'll want to show itself directly. It's already messed with you once, so it might lay low for a little while. There's no way to know for the moment."

"So that doesn't really help us that much," I said.

"Perhaps not," said Aril. "But in the long-term, it's more likely to be attracted to this thing that shouldn't be here–"

"I have a name," interrupted Alice.

"–and try to use that as a focal point for any future chaos it intends to sow in this world."

"I still don't understand why it's doing what it's doing," I said. "It just doesn't make any sense."

"That's because you're thinking too rationally," said Aril, "too like a sentient, living being. What we're dealing with here is not like a human; it's a primal force that exists only for a single-minded purpose. While it may come across as malicious, it's simply doing what comes naturally to it. Unfortunately, 'what comes naturally' coupled with its own innate power is a spectacularly dangerous combination."

"Yes, I get that," I said. "I just wish we could get this over and done with."

"There's no quick fix," said Aril. "I wish there was. But I believe that if we all work together, we'll be able to deal with it."

"I hope you're right," I said. I put a hand on Alice's shoulder, and she placed one of her own hands on it. I was grateful for the support. I knew this wasn't "my" sister, but for now, it sure felt like she was.

I eventually calmed down, picked myself up and sat on my bed in my room. I didn't move for several hours, trying to figure out what had happened. It certainly felt like all those things I remembered had actually happened, but then Laura seemed to think that none of them had happened. And yet she was still here… afterwards… so some of it must have happened.

I was so confused, and I was ashamed of myself for dwelling too much on whether or not I had actually had my first kiss and my first sexual experience or not. But it felt like it mattered. I knew it was an old-fashioned thought to have, but I wanted both of those things to carry some sort of meaning. Thinking back on it happening — or not happening as the case may be — I repeatedly remembered that strange feeling of detachment, like I was watching from the outside and not really… participating.

My mind wandered to the words that the strange shadowy figure had said to me previously. It had told me about a being of chaos, a being that it was pursuing and trying to stop. A being that had something to do with these strange… gateways, portals, whatever they were. It had sowed chaos through the previous worlds it had visited, and now it was trying to do so here.

The experience I had just been through certainly struck me as fairly "chaotic." It didn't make any sense. It confused me, it confused Laura, it confused Alice, and it threatened to tear us apart. It looked like it had already torn me and Laura apart, and I didn't know what to do about that. We hadn't really had a fight before; it was a new experience for me, and I'm not sure about her. If she was as alone as she'd told me, it's entirely possible that she was in a similar state to me right now, not knowing what to do, wondering what I was thinking and how to resolve it.

I picked up my phone and scrolled through the "recent calls" list. Laura was the only entry. I stared at her name for a few minutes. What would I say? How could I possibly come back from that? How could I possibly make this right?

I was doing my old trick — mentally having a conversation in my head and assuming the worst possible outcome before it had actually taken place. It was the main reason I had so few friends, and I knew it. But it didn't stop me from doing it. It was a habit, and no-one ever corrected me — largely because there was no-one who knew I did it. A vicious circle.

I closed my eyes and just tapped the screen. I would never get around to it if I didn't try.

I raised the phone to my ear. After a moment, I heard it connect, and the ringing started.

Ring, ring.

No answer yet.

Ring, ring.

Still no answer.

Ring, ring.

She wasn't going to answer me.

Ring, ring.

I didn't blame her.

Ring, ring.

"Hi!" came her bright and cheerful voice down the phone.

"Hello," I said hesitantly. "Look, about earlier, I'm sor–"

"Got you!" she giggled. "I'm not here really. Leave me a message and I'll call you back."

A joke message. I smiled to myself, then felt a little sad when I thought that I might be one of the few people to have heard it.

I hung up before the message finished, waited a moment and then dialled again.

Ring, ring.

Please answer.

Ring, ring.

Come on.

Ring, ring.

Please.

Ring, ring.

"Hi!" came her voice again, and I recognised it as the message again. I hung up before the joke.

Of course she wasn't answering. Why would she want to talk to me after that? After I'd said we'd had sex when she firmly believed that we hadn't? Oh, Christ, I thought, that must have been fucking creepy. Ugh.

I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes. How was I going to get out of this one?

"Hello," said the infuriatingly calm voice, and I knew that the shadowy figure was there. I didn't get up.

"Hello," I said wearily. "I am not having a good day, so I hope this is important."

"I know," it said. "I came as quickly as I could, but I needed to be sure that it was… safe."

I sat up at that word.

"Safe?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

"I think you already know," said the figure. "What you experienced was just a small taste of the chaos you can expect once our adversary returns to full strength."

"Full strength?" I swallowed. I had just about come to terms with the fact that the peculiar happenings of the day could be attributed to the strange "chaos" creature, whatever it was. But knowing that this thing wasn't at full strength, and could become more powerful?

"Yes," it said. "Are you ready to help me out yet?"

I scratched my head and thought for a moment, then I looked right at my companion and spoke a single word in a tone more decisive and final than I'd ever heard myself use.

"Yes," I said.

"All right," said the figure, a little less impressed than I was hoping it would be. "Then we need to start formulating some sort of plan. But before that, I think we need to formalise our working arrangement with one another."

It sat down on the bed next to me and raised its hand to my face. It felt curiously similar to when Laura–

No. It wouldn't do to dwell on that now.

The figure touched my face with its long fingers, and I felt a strange sensation in my head. It wasn't entirely unpleasant, but it also felt strangely unnerving. Suddenly, without any words being exchanged between us, I knew that its… his name was Aril, that he was technically sexless but preferred to be referred to as a male when it was necessary, that he was a member of an organisation that referred to themselves as the Crusaders, that he had spent his life travelling between worlds tracking down interdimensional beasts such as the one that was apparently tormenting me now… and that he was afraid. I could feel that he was slightly ashamed of the last part, but he didn't make any attempt to hide it from me.

"I assume you now know everything about me, too," I said, feeling slightly dizzy as Aril released his hand from my face. "If you didn't already."

"Of course," he said. "I've been… keeping an eye on you for a while now."

"Great," I said sarcastically. But there was no point in getting indignant now. Aril's existence was so hugely different from my own that it was almost impossible to contemplate what he must have been through, and for how long. If someone had just told me the stories I now knew, I would have laughed in their face at how far-fetched they were, dismissed them as science fiction. But after… whatever Aril had just done, I knew that they were true.

Aril paced back and forth a little, looking a little more at ease and less… "formal", somehow.

"So tell me about this chaos… thing," I said. "I don't really understand. You said something about it not being at full power?"

"Yes," said Aril, spinning around on one foot and turning to face me in an overly-flamboyant gesture. "Yes, indeed. It's a worry. But it also means that we have some time, particularly if it keeps pulling little stunts like it did today."

"You're going to have to explain more than that," I said honestly.

"Basically," said Aril, "passing between worlds as we — I hasten to throw myself in the same category as that… thing — do is a rather demanding process. It expends an enormous amount of energy to do it right. And by 'do it right' I mean 'not leaving holes in existence' like you've been encountering."

I nodded. It probably said something that I was no longer bothered by discussion of "holes in existence", but I shook off the thought before I dwelled on it too much. Aril continued speaking.

"Basically, what this… thing has been doing is moving from world to world, sowing as much chaos as it possibly can, hopping to the next world to try and 'hide' while it recharges itself, then repeating the process," he explained. "The last world it went to I believe you're already familiar with."

I nodded, and an image of Alice's creeped-out face entered my mind for a moment. Then it was gone.

"So," I said, "what exactly do you mean by 'sowing chaos'?"

"Well it varies," replied Aril. "Sometimes it sows the seeds of conflict between important people in the world, and then simply sits back to see what happens. Sometimes it messes with people's minds around the world, making them believe things that aren't true or making them forget things they ought to know."

Aril paused for a moment and turned away from me.

"What it did in the last world was the worst thing it's done yet," he said. His voice sounded sad rather than smug for once. He didn't elaborate.

"What happened?" I asked. I had a feeling I already knew, but I wanted to be sure, however unpleasant it sounded.

Aril didn't say anything for a moment. I was about to ask the question again, but he turned round and looked me right in the eyes.

"It took an interest in your sister and the way she responded to chaos," he said. "It started by killing the people dearest to her — not directly, mind — and gradually tried to drive her insane by, piece by piece, wiping out everyone else in that world."

"Everyone else?" I asked, my mouth hanging open. Could something… do that?

"Yes," said Aril, the sad tone creeping into his voice again. "It started by arranging increasingly-chaotic, inexplicable accidents. But as it saw the terror and horror in people as more and more awful things happened to more and more people, it started playing a more… active role."

"But what has my sister got to do with this?" I said, an unpleasant crawling sensation creeping up my back. "Why is she still–"

"Well, remember that it initially took an interest in your sister and how she was responding to chaos," explained Aril. "It turns out she was handling it well. A little too well. Her inner strength was infuriating it, frustrating it. It resorted to increasingly-outlandish measures to try and make her respond, but she wouldn't — not in any way that satisfied it. Eventually, it made one last-ditch attempt to drive her mad — to make her the last person alive."

"It can really do that? Just… get rid of everyone?" The thought was not a pleasant one. I already felt out of my depth, and this wasn't helping.

"Yes," said Aril. "It's horrid to think about, I know. But despite how awful what it did was, it's actually given us a bit of breathing room. After it made its last 'jump' to this world to hide out and recharge, it was utterly exhausted. Wiping out an entire world of people is not, as you might expect, a particularly easy thing to do, so it's significantly weakened at the moment. In this state, we could deal with it. Of course, we have to actually find it first."

I sighed. "Let me guess. That's where I come in?"

"Precisely," said Aril. "For one reason or another, it has taken an interest to you and your family. Not just in this world. Not just in the other one you're familiar with. But it always seems to start somewhere around your family. I guess you have to start somewhere, even with chaos."

"All right," I said. "So how do we go about finding this thing and dealing with it?"

"I have an idea," said Aril. "But I don't think you're going to like it."

I knew that, without a doubt, he would be right. And I also knew that not going along with it would probably be a very bad idea. I took a deep breath, grit my teeth for a moment, and then looked Aril straight in the eyes.

"I'll do whatever it takes," I said. "For Alice. For Laura. Let's do this."