#oneaday Day 800: 800 Days of Nonsense

So, 800 days of daily blogging it is. I feel like I should have some sort of celebration or something, but since it's 1:15 in the morning and I'm rather tired and achey after a gym session earlier, it can probably wait.

At this juncture, I feel it would be nice to just say a big "thank you" to those of you who have been reading my regular gibberish, and an especially big "thank you" to those of you who contribute comments and engage in discussions. The last couple of months in particular seem to have seen a few new people coming my way, so welcome to those of you who are newcomers.

I may regularly protest that I'm not writing this blog "for" anyone and I actually stand by that — I write these posts each day as an outlet, a form of escapism or, at times, catharsis. They have proven very effective on that front over the last couple of years. I'd go so far as to say that surviving some of the trials and tribulations my life has thrown my way would have been considerably more difficult — possibly insurmountable, though we'll never know (unless dimension-jumping technology gets invented) — without this faithful old WordPress page to empty my brain onto.

That said, it's fun and — I won't lie — a little bit exciting when people leave a comment and start a discussion. I believe most bloggers feel that way. Getting comments is a sign of "approval" — not necessarily of your opinions, but of the means through which you've argued them. Inspiring a comment, be it an "agree" or a "disagree", means that you've moved someone to actually say something rather than just click the Like button. (There's nothing wrong with that, incidentally — if you just enjoyed/appreciated a post but have nothing further to add, a Like is always gratefully received.) And so far as I can remember, most (if not all) comments on this here site have been respectful, interesting and showing willingness to engage in conversation. Also people who read this seem to be able to spell and punctuate correctly, which is always a massive bonus in this Facebook-dominated world where everyone seems to think that capital letters are just an inconvenience.

So after 800 daily posts, what now? 800 more, of course! Though I must confess in recent months it's been becoming harder and harder to think of things to write about. Oddly enough I feel that some of my most creative work on this blog was done during possibly the worst period of my life, perhaps as a means of escaping the crushing depression of what was going on in "reality" at the time. They say that artists produce their best work when tortured, and while I certainly wouldn't refer to this site and these 800+ posts as "art", it's clear that whatever Shit I've Had Going Down at various points over the last 800 days has affected the things I write about — whether consciously or subconsciously. In that sense, I often find it interesting to skip back to a random post and not only read it but also picture the context of what was going on in my life at that time. It's an interesting — if sometimes painful — journey that I've taken, and to have chronicled it quite so exhaustively (if not always explicitly describing exactly what happened each day) is something I can look back on with a degree of pride and satisfaction.

As I approach my 31st birthday (April 29th, please send money or gifts to the usual address) I don't know what the future holds for me — personally, professionally, physically, mentally. But so long as I've got this text editor window and a "Publish" button I'm confident I can deal with whatever comes this way.

#oneaday Day 799: Um, Fluttershy

A discussion with my friend Lynette earlier today (who, it has to be said, squeed rather enthusiastically at the news that I have been watching My Little Pony) saw us pondering, as so often happens with strong, character-led pieces of work, which My Little Pony was the most "us" — or at least the one we felt most able to relate to.

My answer — Fluttershy — is apparently one of the more popular ones, for a variety of reasons that I haven't explored as yet and am mildly terrified to, given the deep, deep rabbithole that sites such as knowyourmeme and TVTropes can be.

I imagine, given her timid nature, that there's at least an element of crossover between Fluttershy fans and Hanako fans — a category which, if you recall, I count myself firmly in. Her endearing meekness, anxiety and loyalty are character traits I can well and truly understand, and I know I have more than a few similar traits myself.

Take the fact that she has a clear case of social anxiety, and is nervous about showing off her talents except when absolutely necessary or in a situation where no-one can judge her. When taken along on a perilous journey to use her talent for "parenting" (for want of a better word) to convince an unruly, belligerent dragon to go and sleep somewhere else, she's (understandably, I feel) too scared to go in there and do her thing, even in front of her friends. And only partly because she's dealing with a fucking dragon.

I know too well how all that feels — of the difficulty and anxiety which surrounds using your talents and abilities in "public", even in front of people you love and trust. (Not the "dragon" bit.) I know, for example, that I'm a decent writer and that people enjoy reading my stuff, but I hate hate hate anyone watching me write. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever why this is — whether it's anxiety over people "backseat editing" or judging the things I've written before I've finished is anyone's guess. I just know that I hate it — but I like showing it off when it's finished, namely when I can hit "publish", light the blue touch paper and just walk away. (At this point, my fear of negative, destructive feedback comes into play, but that's a whole other matter.)

Same thing with music, really. Practicing is a necessary part of being able to play complex pieces of music, but I hate people listening to me practice. Performing? Fine. Playing the same bit over and over and over again until I get it right? Well, that's something to do with headphones or when no-one's in the house. Something of a combination of perfectionism ("if anyone's going to hear this, I want it to be right") and worrying about the judgement of others ("they won't want to hear those three bars repeated over and over and over! They'll tell me to shut up, or hurry up and get it right or something"), perhaps? I don't know.

Same with doing anything vaguely creative, in fact. I hate being watched doing something like that. Perhaps it's because doing something creative puts you in a vulnerable position where your "soul" (or whatever) is on display, and anyone could quite easily strike it for massive damage with an unkind word or an ill-timed snigger. It's something I could really do with Getting The Hell Over, but it's also one of those things that has indelibly stamped itself onto my personality over the years.

Whatever the reasons for it all… Um, Fluttershy? I feel your pain, girl.

#oneaday Day 798: My Little Pony, Skinny and Bony, Made out of Plastic, Looks Like a Sp--

I'm just going to confess this up-front right now as I'm not really ashamed of it, but I can see how some people might be embarrassed to admit such a thing in a forum as public as their personal blog viewed by literally tens of people. Not me, though. I am unashamed, as you can clearly see from the amount of filler in this first paragraph, coupled with the fact that I have not yet introduced the topic of this entry, which is obviously visible in the post title.

All right. No more inane babbling. (Hah.) One… Two…

IwatchedthreeepisodesofMyLittlePonyearlierandenjoyedthem.

Whew. That sure feels good to get off my chest. See you tomorrow.

Wait, you want a little explanation? Well, all right. I guess you can't just drop a bomb like "I Watched My Little Pony Today" (hey, it does get easier once you've said it once) and just walk away. You probably want to know if I'm feeling all right, whether there's anything you can do to help me and if the authorities should be notified.

There is nothing to be concerned about. My interest in the new My Little Pony series (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, to give it its full title) was initially sparked by online discussion and the phenomenon of "bronies" — male fans of the show aged between 14 and 35-ish. The rise of the curious and unexpected fanbase for the show is, according to Wikipedia, originally attributed to discussion on renowned Internet dark corner 4chan. The memes which came from the Friendship is Magic show spread outwards from 4chan, as memes are wont to do, and the "brony" was born.

This sort of situation was unthinkable back when I was a kid, which is incidentally the last time I was even the slightest bit aware of the existence of My Little Pony. As a boy at primary school, the absolute worst possible insult that could be hurled at you (not counting "your mum" jokes, since those technically aren't insulting you) was to be accused of liking girly things. My Little Pony was, at the time, the very pinnacle of girliness, and to be branded as a boy who liked the sparkly equines? Well, that would be the end of your social life, since, as we know, kids can be bigoted little shits at times. (Unless you were friends with girls. But what self-respecting primary school kid in the 1980s was friends with icky girls? Bleeeeurgh.) (Full disclosure: despite being bullied as a kid, I fortunately, to the best of my recollection, escaped the dreadful fate of being branded a girlyboy. Further disclosure: I always thought the Ponies' hair looked nice. Additional notes: GIRLS.)

Anyway, back to the present, and Friendship is Magic. I watched the initial self-titled two-part episode with some curiosity, having no idea what to expect save for the art style that I had seen scattered around a few Twitter avatars in recent weeks. The distinctive, big-eyed aesthetic for the Ponies was one that appealed to me, so I knew that I was at least going to like the look of the show — it was the content that I knew next to nothing about.

What I found was actually rather entertaining. While the show is obviously somewhat "girly" in many of its themes and characters (you can count the number of speaking male characters on the fingers of two fingers in the three episodes I've watched so far, and one of them is voiced by a woman) it features that kind of multi-layered humour that sets truly great kids' TV shows apart from the disposable fluff. While on the surface the episodes each contain a commendable message about friendship, trust and cooperation, there are several other layers on which the show can be appreciated.

Firstly, there's the characters, who are all well-defined but nuanced, and many of whom contribute to the show's often exhausting, manic pace — it reminds me of shows like Powerpuff Girls at times, at least partly due to prolific voice actress Tara Strong's involvement. Secondly, there's the wide variety of humour types which are presented — everything from slapstick to surrealism, with some musical comedy usually thrown in for good measure whenever Pinkie Pie is around. Thirdly, there's a ton of cultural references tossed in there — in just the three episodes I've watched to date, the show has referenced The Brady Bunch, The Benny Hill Show, The Wizard of Oz and doubtless a bunch of other things that I've missed.

Perhaps the most striking thing that I like about it, though, is its almost unrelenting cheerfulness and positivity. In fact — and this will sound like a strange comparison, but bear with me — it reminds me of the reason that I enjoy Japanese role-playing games. The colour. The strong, exaggerated characters. The way in which said characters tackle their "issues". Hell, the first two episodes even culminate in a very JRPG-style "boss fight" featuring the Ponies unleashing the power of the six Elements of Harmony in order to teach temporary antagonist Nightmare Moon a lesson she won't forget in a hurry.

It's silly, enjoyable nonsense, in other words, though with a commendable underlying message. It's fun, undemanding but rewarding, and just the thing with which to unwind if you can't deal with too much angst, tension or people trying to be too clever. In short, it is what it is, and you should feel absolutely no shame whatsoever in enjoying it if you find it happens to tickle you in your happy places.

I guess all of the above makes me a Brony by default, then. You know what? I'm cool with that.

#oneaday Day 796: Social Unplugged

I unplugged myself from a bunch of social networks yesterday. I haven't deleted my accounts as yet and probably won't do so unless said sites start spamming me excessively, but I have stopped using a number of services which were proving to be fairly unnecessary in my day to day life. All told, I said goodbye to Foursquare, Gowalla, Path, Quora, GetGlue and possibly some others that have slipped my mind. Cold turkey, too — I simply deleted the apps from my phone and didn't tend to use their websites anyway. It was a pleasingly liberating feeling to have released myself from some of these self-imposed shackles.

So what have I chosen to keep around? Facebook and Twitter, for starters, since those are the nearest we have to "industry standard" social networking tools. Twitter's integration into iOS 5, for example, proves that Apple is certainly willing to show its support for the microblogging site, and it's rare these days to see a TV show that doesn't prominently display an "official" hashtag for online discussion alongside the broadcast. Facebook, meanwhile, I largely keep around for two reasons: firstly, my job, which involves playing a large number of Facebook games; and secondly, I have a number of friends and family who don't really "get" Twitter (or have no real desire to do so) and thus Facebook is a reliable means of communication with them.

Alongside this I have a Google+ account and am still a fan of Google's clean, clear service. Despite superficial similarities to Facebook, it actually provides a rather distinct user experience, combining the ease of discovering new people of Twitter with the possibility for conversations of more than 140 characters at once of Facebook. A lot of people feel they don't "need" it and indeed many of my friends who also use Twitter and Facebook have kind of relaxed their use of the service somewhat, but this has left me with a variety of unique and fascinating people with whom to engage with. Despite the hoohah over Google's changed privacy policy a few weeks back, the Google+ integration across the Web (particularly noticeable on YouTube) is a great example of how to do the "sharing" thing right.

I also still have the Formspring app on my phone. I haven't used it for a while, but occasionally it's a lot of fun to ask for some bizarre questions, see what nonsensical queries people can come out with and then attempt to retort with some appropriately witty (or brutally honest) responses. It's utterly pointless for the most part, but it's actually a good means for flexing the writing muscles in a slightly different way to what this blog offers — rather than having to come up with a topic myself, a Formspring answer is a short piece of writing based on a stimulus provided by someone else. I enjoy doing this.

Besides those (and the WordPress app, of course, for maintaining this 'ere site), though, I've come to the conclusion I have no need for anything else. I have no real need to "check in" to places I'm at, things I'm watching or books I'm reading, because it's just as straightforward to just post on Facebook, Twitter or G+ that I'm doing those things. They were fun for a while (and GetGlue sends you actual real physical stickers if you earn enough badges on the site!) but ultimately they're meaningless noise in an already chaotic world. So away they go. And thus my life becomes approximately 27% more peaceful.

If you'd like to follow me on Twitter, you can do so here. If you'd like to circle me on G+, you can do so here. And if you'd like to ask me silly questions on Formspring, you can do so here. That's your lot!

#oneaday Day 795: Thick Skin

They say that in order to "make it" in many industries, you need to have a thick skin. To be able to suck it up, take your medicine, be ready for anything. This is particularly true if you do anything that involves facing the public — and especially true if said public is hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet.

I've come to the conclusion over the years that I do not have a thick skin. I feel bad if someone disagrees with me and argues their point a little too aggressively. I feel bad if I'm criticised when I don't feel it's warranted. And I feel absolutely fucking terrible if someone insults me directly. Basically, I'm a big wuss, and I've come to terms with the fact I'm a big wuss, though it doesn't particularly help me when these situations do inevitably arise at times.

It's a side effect of various things, really: anxiety, depression, being an introvert. I always like to feel like I'm trying my best at everything I do, and to have something come along and suggest that no, my best might not actually quite be good enough on this occasion can instantly sour my mood, even after a good day. And even if the criticism, argument or insult is clearly complete nonsense. It just feels bad.

My comments on this are prompted by a discussion that @JimSterling was having on Twitter earlier. He noted the following:

Forbes thinks game reviews fail readers because there's no dissenting opinion. I should tell them what readers *do* to a dissenting opinion. People always blame reviewers being too nice or too close to PR. I think it's more they don't want their audience to harass them. We're in an industry where gamers personally attack people for giving 8/10 scores, but somehow it's *all* the reviewers' and PR's fault. There's faults and imperfections on *all* sides, but I'm sick of pundits ignoring the bullshit that the game community itself perpetuates.

Jim's comments brought to mind a particular incident which arose while I was working on GamePro, may it rest in peace. I wrote a news article about a new game which had been produced by students and faculty at an educational institution in America. (I forget which one, and the article is no more, sadly.) Said game was narrative- and character-heavy and was designed to be an in-depth interactive exploration of LGBT issues — a topic area typically shied away from by many developers and seemingly almost completely taboo in the mainstream. (No, I don't count the nonsensical, ridiculous "gay" content in BioWare's recent titles which I have a strong suspicion was added purely for marketing purposes. But I digress.)

The game sounded interesting, and I knew from past comments and engagement with the GamePro community that there was a diverse array of people from all backgrounds reading my news stories, so I figured this would be an interesting thing for people to look at — evidence that interactive entertainment was helping to challenge taboos and break down barriers, in short.

The article was reasonably well-received by most commenters, until one thoroughly obnoxious person came along. He'd shot his mouth off a little on the GamePro Facebook page previously, but it was mostly the gibberings of a paranoid madman who believed that debit cards were out to get him. (I'm not making this up.) This time, though, his gibberings got personal. He called me a paedophile, a pervert, a deviant and all manner of other names. He threatened to organise his supposedly huge group of friends (I doubt the honesty of this claim) to do unpleasant things. He harassed me via Facebook, Twitter and the GamePro comments section — or at least he tried to. He got promptly blocked on Twitter and subject to the Ban Hammer I had the satisfaction of wielding both on GamePro.com and its companion Facebook page.

But the damage was done. I was devastated. I'd never had anyone throw such vitriolic, furious, personal attacks at me before. The article itself had nothing offensive in it whatsoever, and it was neither pro- or anti-LGBT, simply noting the existence of an interesting sounding sociological project that involved interactive entertainment. This was seemingly enough to light the fuse, however, and it completely ruined my day at the time.

I should grow a thicker skin, I know, particularly if I want to get anywhere in online media. But I'm just not sure I have it in me. I just want people to be nicer, to be decent human beings. Is that too much to ask?

Perhaps it is. You can't change human nature, after all, and after many years of observing behaviour on the Internet it's clear to me that a lot of people turn into complete dicks when provided with the protective shield of anonymity. As someone who was bullied a great deal when I was back at school, I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for teens these days considering how easy it is to anonymously "cyber-bully" someone.

Or perhaps they've just naturally evolved that thick skin I so desperately need over the last decade or two.

Either way, dear reader, go be nice to someone today. And always follow Wheaton's Law.

#oneaday Day 793: It Takes More Than Seven Days to Build a World

I'm making a game. This is not the first time I have said these words, nor will it be the last time, but I have a good feeling about this one. A vision. Only one past amateur development project I worked on (known as Pie-Eater's Destiny) was ever completed (twice if you count the subsequent "Gold Edition" remake) and a third (The Adventures of Dave Thunder) was going extremely well but then unfortunately lost when an old computer died without warning. (Note to self: BACK THE FUCK UP) This one, though, feels like an idea that has legs, and I'm looking forward to bringing it to life, to mix metaphors for a moment.

No, you won't be getting any details on what this project is just yet save for the fact that I'm using it as a means of trying out the latest version of Enterbrain's excellent RPG Maker software, RPG Maker VX Ace. I've used several iterations of this package over the years and each has its own quirks and foibles. Previous version RPG Maker VX turned out to be a bit of a misstep which seemingly stripped out features rather than adding them, but from my limited experience so far, VX Ace seems to be an excellent piece of software with plenty of flexibility.

One of my favourite parts of creating a game — or indeed any story, since I typically have aspirations to create narrative-focused games, even if I never finish them — is creating the world and the characters who populate it. When building a map in RPG Maker, I'll find myself visualising its context in the world — in the case of a village or town, I'll think to myself "right, this person lives here, this person runs this shop, follow this path and you'll get to…" and so on. In the case of a dungeon I'll resist the temptation to use the random map generator and instead design a dungeon which makes some degree of contextual sense, even if it may descend into bizarreness at times. (The lava flow in the opening "wine cellar" dungeon at the beginning of The Adventures of Dave Thunder was a particular highlight, which our hero lampshaded quite nicely at the time he came across it for the first time, as I recall.)

I've always been this way with level construction. The earliest instance I can remember was Wolfenstein 3D, whose map editor gave me many, many hours of enjoyment and, thanks to CompuServe, even netted me $200 when ten of my levels were included in the official Apogee "Super Upgrades" expansion pack for the game. When building my selection of maze-like levels for id's Nazi-bashing shooter, I enjoyed thinking of the "real" context for these rooms and tunnels. As such, I ended up with some memorable "setpiece" confrontations (or as close as you could get to a "setpiece" in Wolf3D's limited engine, anyway) — the one that sticks in my mind most is the one where you've crept through some moss-filled corridors in search of a Nazi secret base and open a door only to discover that a briefing is apparently in progress. One of the "officer" enemies was standing at the front of the room next to a "map" texture, and the rest of the room was full of the standard trooper soldiers all facing him. (I wasn't a monster for game balancing; I provided the player with a chaingun and plenty of ammo before sending them in to mow down this little gathering. Hey, I was a teenager. Subtlety wasn't in my vocabulary.)

The point is, I found myself thinking carefully about every block I put down, every object on the map. Everything had a purpose, a place, a story behind it. I enjoyed visualising that world in my mind and then bringing it to life on my computer screen. It was inordinately satisfying to be able to hoon around a world of my own creation and think this came from my BRAIN. I feel the same way every time I create a new map in RPG Maker, every time I make a track in TrackMania, every time I build something in Minecraft. And if I had any clue whatsoever how 3D level editors worked (I've tried and failed numerous times) I have no doubt I'd feel the same way there too.

As you may have gathered, today has been about world-building. I've only created a tiny, tiny piece of what will eventually become this game's world, but already it's bringing those old feelings back. Hopefully they'll provide the motivation to take me through to actually finishing a game project for once.

#oneaday Day 790: Mess

I honestly don't understand how mess builds up. It's a pain in the arse. Because when it builds up, you then have to clean it up. And that, as we all know, is a task which most people would carve neat slices off their own elbow to not have to undertake.

Take our living room. Both of us regularly make an effort to clean it up, tidy up, hoover, put stuff away, but somehow it still gets back into the state it's in at the time of writing: various bits of crap scattered around the place; a coffee table with a variety of discarded (and empty) crisp and ice lolly wrappers in attendance; coffee cups in every nook and cranny it's possible to secrete a cup — a likely familiar story for many of you.

It's often born of good intentions, ironically. You put something down on, say, the coffee table, telling yourself (or possibly someone else who is also present) that you'll "clean that up in a minute", that you'll "do it when Pointless has finished" or that you're "just finishing this cup of coffee". Inevitably you then get immersed in Pointless/your cup of coffee/watching the small insect that is crawling around on the wall in the corner of the room and you forget to do it. The process then repeats itself, leading to a buildup of crap.

Staying tidy, then, is a matter of actually following through on these good intentions rather than simply postponing the implementation until an indefinite period "later". It's a matter of finishing a bag of Quavers and then putting it straight in the bin; of washing up a coffee cup as soon as it's been used; of re-using coffee cups rather than getting new ones every time.

But it's hard. Cleaning up is boring. Washing up is a dirty, smelly task. Doing laundry means you have to hang up all the wet crap before you can put another load on, and preferably before it's sat stagnating in the washing machine for a week going all whiffy. None of these are appealing tasks at the best of times, and throw in the negative mental attitude which being surrounded by squalor fills you with and it's, as you might expect, very difficult to get started.

One thing that I've tried in the past is to plan out and schedule my day to include set times for tidying up and whatnot. Having worked as a teacher in the past, working to a "timetable" worked quite well for me, and if you're just doing it for yourself in your own house then there's no running to the opposite end of the school to find that Year 7 class you found out five minutes ago that you're supposed to be teaching a cover lesson for.

This is actually quite a good productivity approach all round. And not just for housework, either; if you have any personal projects on the go, whether they're technical, creative, DIY or fitness-related, it's dead easy to let them slip and simply not do them. Scheduling your day to include specific (but slightly flexible) time blocks where you're supposed to do [x] is a good approach for those whose mind and/or attention span isn't too chaotic to cope with it. The downside to it is, of course, that everything you do has the possibility of starting to feel a bit like work. The way round this is to ensure that you don't schedule absolutely everything, just the things that you really want or need to do. Do those things when you say you will, and the rest of the time is free to spend as you please. Do those things early, and those scheduled slots magically become free time. And as any teacher worth their salt will tell you, one of the best feelings in the world is discovering you've got a free period when you thought you'd have to deal with 9VN.

#oneaday Day 789: Servicebot 9000

Andie and I bought a new sofa today. (All right, Andie did all the talking and I sat on the sofa we were purchasing tweeting.) It was not a terribly exciting process, though the fact that in twelve weeks (three months!) we're getting a comfy new sofa bed to put in our living room and replace the not-quite-as-comfy-as-it-should-be-and-slightly-stained-sofa we currently have is pleasing. Later on, we went to Nando's for dinner.

I provide these details for context on what I'm going to discuss today, which is the concept of "customer service" as it stands in 2012.

When you're looking for a good experience at a shop or restaurant, you generally want several things: to not be hassled, to get help when you need it, and to resolve any transactions involved in the encounter as quickly as possible. Ideally, we'd have an RPG shop setup, where you walk in, select the items you want and walk out again a few thousand gold pieces lighter. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work like that as sooner or later you'll have to deal with people.

Or, more accurately, salespeople or waiting staff. I provide this distinction because interacting with one of these people is, a lot of the time, a very frustrating experience. This is largely due to the fact that they inevitably have some sort of "script" to follow and are obliged to mention certain things. In the case of the sofa salesman today, we had the spiel about the five-year stain protection, the "Special Cream" that we needed to take care of our new acquisition, the special things they could put on the feet to make it easier to move because sofas don't have castors these days, and all manner of other shenanigans. In the case of the Nando's waiting staff, we received our meals and within a minute of picking up our cutlery were already being asked if our food was all right.

Now don't get me wrong, I'd rather have attentive staff ready to put things right if necessary, but when it feels like you're talking to a robot it often has the opposite sort of effect. While we were going through the purchasing process for the sofa, every step was punctuated with a "I'm just going to tell you about the slightly more expensive leather you could have on it/the five-year protection plan/the Special Cream/the fact you should wipe it with a cloth every so often" when all I really wanted him to do was say "You want this? Fine. Sign here," and be done with it. When I'm eating a meal, I just want to eat it rather than deal with someone buzzing around my ears asking if everything's all right. If something's not all right, I'll make sure you know about it, chum.

It's a fine line to tread, and one which not many retailers have quite got right just yet. The Apple Store probably comes the closest, since its Specialists are generally quite happy to have a natural-ish conversation with any customers in attendance, but they're still obliged to mention the various services that the store offers — AppleCare, One to One, the Genius Bar and the like — meaning there's always that slight element of roboticness there. They're better than most, though, and can usually pick up on when you're in a hurry and just want to choose something, give them extortionate amounts of money and get out before you decide that yes, that new iPad with the retina display really is very shiny and something that you want more than anything else in the world.

It's difficult to know exactly how this question of "human" customer service can be resolved. Clearly, scripting employees' conversations is not the way to go. That way lies the Path of the Telemarketer, and we all know how well-received those phone calls usually are. But if you leave people to their own devices to handle interactions, you get the sullen, grumpy, silent assistants who work in places like Primark and Dorothy Perkins. (To be fair, I can empathise; I'd be sullen, grumpy and silent if I worked somewhere like that.)

What needs to be taken into account to provide the best possible customer service, then, is the person themselves. When hiring someone to fulfil a customer-facing role, employers shouldn't be looking for someone who can recite scripts from memory. They should be looking for someone who can develop a rapport with their customers; someone who makes people walk away from that shop or restaurant thinking "wow, I really liked that person, I'm glad they helped me."

That takes time and effort, though, and a lot of customer service roles are seen as a relatively low tier in the hierarchy of an organisation — meaning that said time and effort isn't always expended on finding the best possible people. Perhaps it should be, though — corporate culture and business-speak may be overly prevalent in society, but that doesn't mean it's a particularly positive development. After all, who would you rather buy an expensive thing from — someone who appears inherently trustworthy, friendly and knowledgeable; or someone who can recite a finance agreement from memory?

#oneaday Day 788: From the Depths of the Subconscious

Analysing your dreams can probably tell you a lot about yourself. If that's the case, though, I'm not sure I want to know what my most recent vivid imaginings say.

I dream best in the morning after I've woken up once. At least, those are the dreams I remember. If I wake up when Andie leaves for work and promptly fall back asleep again (which, to be perfectly honest, I usually do) then I'll often have incredibly vivid dreams which, more to the point, I tend to remember pretty clearly. They're certainly not conscious imaginings, because there's no way I'd choose to think of a lot of the things that flit through my mind. Rather, it appears to be a completely automatic process, presumably based on anxieties or thoughts already stuck in my head.

This morning, these bizarre "snooze dreams" were — and I apologise for what I'm about to recount — rather lavatorial in nature. To begin with, I found myself sitting on a toilet in an upstairs hallway of a house. It wasn't my real-life house, though I think it might have been my own house in the dream. Quite why there was a toilet in the upstairs hallway was anyone's guess. And quite why I was sitting on it when the house was clearly playing host to a large party is an even bigger mystery.

Despite the fact I had clearly just had a dump in front of all the passing partygoers — most of whom seemed oblivious to my presence and activities — for some reason (and again, I apologise) I found myself unable to… uhh… "clean up", as it were. I found myself panicking and wishing all these people weren't in my house, screaming at them to get out of the way, but still no-one paid me any heed.

I ran downstairs and found myself in the house I lived in for my fourth year of university. I knew there was a nice, quiet toilet in the back where I could complete my business, so I opened the door. I found a toilet all right, but it wasn't the one I was expecting. Rather, it was in a large, L-shaped room whose walls and floor were all made of ceramic tiles. There was no ceiling to the room, and outside I could see that we appeared to be floating in space. Worse, there was no bog roll here, either, only three circular red buttons next to the toilet.

I left, and the subsequent journey was a blur, but I ended up in what appeared to be an aeroplane bathroom, albeit one with a sloping roof that met the wall behind the toilet, and a large skylight in it. When standing in front of the toilet, I could look out through the skylight, and I saw that we were in some sort of rural area. Outside the skylight, men in peculiar costumes were being shepherded away by strange figures I can't remember any details about. For some reason, I thought nothing of this strange and slightly sinister behaviour, because I had more pressing matters on my mind.

There was a toilet paper dispenser on the wall, so I pulled the handle to dispense some, but the string of sheets went down a small hole underneath the dispenser. When I retrieved the paper from the hole, it was completely covered in a weird black sludge which was then all over my hand. After going "urgh" for a little while, I simply washed it off, finally wiped my arse (noting with some surprise that my underpants had not been soiled despite all the running around) and then woke up slightly worried that I might have shat myself in my sleep. (I hadn't.)

This particular incident follows a long stream of other bizarre "snooze dreams" I've had which include being unable to go through with a sexual encounter because I didn't have the sheet music for it; starting to read the TV Tropes page for my own life and being literally unable to look away from it; and a particularly unpleasant one where I lived in a big house with all my friends and we all suddenly started hating each other for no apparent reason.

My subconscious is fucked, basically. Oh well, at least it keeps things interesting. And the fact I can remember all this nonsense gives me good fodder for when I actually do want to do something creative and imaginative… though I can't see a novel about someone who might have shat himself catching on, really.

#oneaday Day 785: The Case of the Disappearing High Street

The oft-mentioned "economic downturn" (which has been turning downwards for so long surely it's completely upside down by now) has had wide-ranging effects — or, at the very least, things have happened which people feel can be attributed to said economic downturn. A lack of jobs meaning highly qualified people are forced to sit at home in their pants watching The Jeremy Kyle Show. Currency devaluation and something about inflation, which I shan't pretend to understand even a little bit. And, of course, the demise of the High Street.

To be fair, online shopping has been providing a compelling reason not to go and shop on the High Street for a number of years now, but as the news channels attempt to sex up incredibly boring financial stories with words like "CRISIS" and various incomprehensible graphs plummet inexorably downwards, the demise of in-person shopping could very much become a reality.

The latest casualty of various financial implications is the Game Group, who run both Game and Gamestation, the two main video game retailers here in the UK. Over the course of the last couple of weeks, major publishers and suppliers have pulled out of their deals with the two chains, preorders for big hits like Mass Effect 3 and the like are not being honoured, the company's share price has plummeted to something obscenely low and it's looking increasingly likely that the whole thing will go into administration, potentially leaving around 6,000 people out of a job. Which would suck.

For any Americans reading, Game is essentially our equivalent of GameStop. And while it's prone to many of the same problems GameStop has in the U.S. — inflated prices for preowned games, being bugged to preorder, a not-terribly-generous reward card scheme — it's been a fixture on the British high street for many years now, and the go-to destination for people to get the latest releases. Gamestation, meanwhile, was formerly the second-biggest game store chain, with a somewhat more grungey feel inside its various shops. It used to carry proper retro stuff — we're talking right back to Super NES and the like here — though that side of things has dried up a little in recent years, though you can still find the odd rarity. Game acquired Gamestation back in 2007, but kept the separate brand as a distinct shopping experience.

Both carried a wide variety of new games, preowned titles and gaming-related crap like Pokemon toys and Sackboy plushies. Until recently, they always seemed to be doing a roaring trade any time I paid them a visit — this perhaps partly being due to the fact that they were pretty much the only recognisable video game specialist retailers in the UK (barring second hand-only stores like Pink Planet and CEX).

Now, though, it's an altogether different story. The carefully-crafted music playlist playing through the store's speakers has been replaced by whatever the employees want to listen to (the other day, I heard some awesome metal versions of Nintendo themes, which made me wonder why on Earth they didn't do that more often); the employees seem a little downcast, particularly when people come in asking about (occasionally ill-informed) stories they'd read on the Internet; and the shelves are noticeably empty of the week's big releases. Every new day, it seems, sees a new publisher reporting that its latest titles will not be available on Game Group shelves — in just the last week or so, I've seen reports of EA, Capcom and Tecmo Koei pulling out before everything goes really tits up.

It's sad to see a once-proud retailer in what is clearly its death throes, and it's doubly sad when you think of the thousands of people nationwide who will likely be out of a job when the shit hits the fan. But as a consumer, it's worth noting that now is a great time to go and pay a Game or Gamestation a visit, because the stores are desperately trying to get rid of the masses of preowned games cluttering up their shelves. And you probably already know what that means — ludicrous savings.

In the last week, for the price of two brand new console games I've managed to acquire 17 games across several different platforms, many of which I've been meaning to try out for quite some time but couldn't really justify dropping £40 on. That's a pretty frickin' awesome deal, and while none of that money I spent makes it back to the publishers and developers of the titles in question thanks to the fact they're all preowned, frankly I don't really care at this point. I've long been a supporter of the used games market — over the years, it's been the source of some of my most beloved and rarest titles, which, in many cases, I've come to long after the game is out of print anyway.

But I digress. It's looking very much like Game is not long for this world, and once it's gone there will be very few places you'll be able to physically walk into to buy a new video game. What will take the place of these stores on the High Street?

Clothes shops, no doubt. One sector that remains resolutely safe from the "threat" of digital distribution.