#oneaday Day 205: Last weekend of 2024

The last hours are ticking away on the last weekend of 2024 as I type this. I have two days of "work" (and I use that term loosely during this ever-curious interstitial period between Christmas and the new year) and then a day off for New Year's Day, and then it's back to normal existence.

I have enjoyed the Christmas break, overall. I haven't done very much with it — the fact I have nearly beaten The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom will attest to that — but the period of just straight-up rest and relaxation has been good for me. It's easy to just sort of "tune out" the stresses of everyday working life until you take a step back from them for a little while, and it's most definitely been nice to be away from work social media and the never-ending moaning that goes on there.

We've got an exciting year coming up at work. We've got some great licenses in the pipe for Evercade, one of which (SNK) we've already teased, but there are several more lined up and ready to go, too. I'm looking forward to revealing these at the appropriate times (you won't get any clues here, sorry!) but not looking forward to, once again, revealing something cool and being immediately hit with a torrent of "you should get [x]" comments. I swear, a significant number of people involved in this hobby don't actually care about the thing itself, they only want to know "what's next".

I was actually thinking about this quite a bit towards the end of the working year. Evercade cartridges are super-cool and good value because they collect together a bunch of interesting games in one place, but this unfortunately means that reviews of them tend to suffer. When you get maybe 150 words in a publication like Retro Gamer to cover a cartridge with multiple games on it, there's not really any time for the reviewer to talk about anything in great depth. And online review sites aren't much better, either; inevitably, when we get a cart reviewed, it'll be a general overview of the whole thing without really going into much detail about any of the individual games.

This is a real shame, I think. If I wasn't working for Blaze directly, I'd be wanting to do comprehensive reviews of each cartridge, covering each game in detail. In fact, as it happens, I may be doing something along those lines for both the Evercade blog and YouTube channel in the new year — we want to celebrate some of our back catalogue as well as the most up-to-date stuff, and there's a lot to talk about at this point.

I know "company that makes the thing writing about the thing" isn't quite the same as a professional review, but honestly, a lot of the reviews out there aren't really providing much in the way of helpful information. What I strive to do in my articles and videos for Evercade is provide some decent quality research, some historical and social context for the games — and just an outline of why they're cool, y'know?

So more of that in the new year. In fact, that's what I might just fill my days with on Monday and Tuesday this coming week. While there's not much in the way of "production" stuff going on, I may as well get ahead of the game with writing some bits and pieces, no?

I didn't intend this post to be so work-centric when I started, but, well, that's happened now, and it's not as if I had much else of note to write about, really. I mean, I could write about Echoes of Wisdom, but like most gaming-related things, I'm going to save my conclusive thoughts about that for MoeGamer once I've actually beaten it — which will be in the next couple of days, I reckon, possibly even tonight, depending on how hard I can resist looking at a guide to find the last few Heart Pieces and Might Stones.

Anyway. If you, like me, are back to work for a couple of days tomorrow, I hope you've had a nicely restful holiday season and that those two straggling days aren't too stressful. 2025 is yet another opportunity for a "fresh start" for all of us, and while many people around the world are staring down some significant challenges (I'm glad I never made it to America at this point, frankly) we can all just take each day as it comes and see how things go.

For now, more Zelda.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 204: What it means to be "on the spectrum"

I saw one of those "online autism spectrum disorder" tests going around on Bluesky earlier, so I decided to take it. I already know that I'm autistic, but the interesting thing about this test is that it promised a certain degree of granularity about the different contributing aspects of autistic spectrum conditions, and I thought it might be interesting to discuss a bit.

First of all, here's my result. I will add a disclaimer to this that online tests like this are not a substitute for getting actually diagnosed by a professional, but the questions used in tests like this are much like the ones you'll be asked if and when you are professionally diagnosed. Basically, use things like this as a guide to determine whether or not you might want to seek additional information, not as a diagnosis in themselves.

Fixations and Restricted Interests

These are both areas that I scored highly on, and this will not be surprising to anyone who knows me. My interests are relatively limited in scope — writing, video games and music — but I enjoy each of them deeply. When I involve myself in them, they are the things I focus on, and there are times when I'm not able to indulge at least one of those interests that I start feeling restless.

The obvious benefit of fixations and a limited spectrum of interests is that they are comforting and familiar — a good place to "retreat" to when things get difficult. But they can also make one prone to being inflexible and not open to new experiences.

I don't think I'm particularly closed to new experiences per se, but particularly in more recent years, I have found my existing interests to be of increasing comfort — and frustrating when others that I care about don't seem to share my passion and enthusiasm for them.

Flat Speech

This is one I didn't score particularly highly on as I believe it's something that I've actually worked on and improved in more recent years — my work on YouTube in particular has been a key part of that.

But I recognise that there are situations where I don't feel comfortable "letting loose" or showing exaggerated emotions, even if I'm actually feeling those things. I guess that falls into this category, too, and it's something I've always found a bit difficult.

I think part of it is a self-perception thing; I see the potential me reacting in various ways and thinking that people will mock me for it — or, at the very least, tell other people how I reacted, and I don't like it when people talk about me like that. It's hard to pin down why I feel that way — surely it's nice for someone to hear when someone they know was happy? — but I've always felt that way. And thus it's just sort of easier to… not react in a particularly strong way.

Noise Sensitivity

This is something that has definitely gotten worse in more recent years. I talked recently about how the venues for my work Christmas party were much too loud for me to cope with, and my extreme-feeling reactions to that are definitely a recent issue, as I used to go out to noisy clubs and bars with friends all the time when I was a bit younger.

For me, I don't think it's so much the noise itself that bothers me, more that the noise makes doing other things — such as having a conversation with someone — difficult. There are few social situations I enjoy less than having a yelled conversation with someone sitting right next to me and having to ask them to repeat themselves multiple times. It makes me feel inordinately self-conscious and want to nope out of that conversation as quickly as possible.

Elsewhere in the world of noise sensitivity, I feel like I've always been able to hear some things that others couldn't. I could always hear CRT whine when other people around me couldn't, for example, and I often pick out sounds that Andie can't hear. Part of this is doubtless down to my musical training — I can easily pick out individual lines in an ensemble piece, for example — but it's also partly the condition talking.

Social Difficulty

Probably my biggest bugbear. I do not remember how to make friends, and I have had tremendous trouble holding on to friends as time has gone by. Self-confidence issues relating to my body image have exacerbated this problem considerably in the last 5 years or so, too, though they have always been present to an extent.

There's not a lot more I can say about this, really. I don't dislike socialising with people, but I like it to be in a situation where I feel in control of my part in the situation — and free to leave, if need be — and can actually hear what's going on.

Anxiety

Yep. Perpetual worrying has only gotten worse as time has gone on. In retrospect, I have suffered this for many years of my life, probably from childhood onwards, but it's been a particular problem in my adult life. I had a nervous breakdown during my teaching career, I have traumatic flashbacks to various events in my life I'd rather not recall and sometimes my brain just panics for no real reason.

Motor Issues

I wouldn't say this is a major problem for me, but I am quite clumsy and always have been, and during childhood I was believed to be dyspraxic. I even had one of those funny rubber pen holder things that would supposedly make me hold it properly.

I don't particularly struggle with day-to-day getting around and stuff, and there are elements of precision — like playing a musical instrument, say — where I'm absolutely fine, but it doesn't surprise me that this is a consideration when talking about autistic spectrum disorders.

Eye Contact Issues

Ties in with the social stuff. I'm not always at ease even when having a conversation with someone I like and am close to, and I will often avoid eye contact. I can feel myself doing it, and I am also very conscious of other people using eye contact in ways that are different to me, such as maintaining eye contact or continuing to look at someone even when not actively addressing them.

Tics, Fidgets and Repetitive Behaviours

These came out surprisingly high. I'm not someone who rocks back and forth or makes repetitive noises or anything like that, but there are little things I do when I'm anxious (or bored), such as fiddling with my beard. I can't say that they're conscious coping mechanisms that I deliberately do, but I occasionally notice myself falling into these habits.

Aggression

I'm generally not a super-angry person, or I try not to be anyway, but when things go unexpectedly wrong I sometimes react with what would probably be considered a disproportionate amount of upset or frustration. I am especially susceptible to demonstrating aggressive tendencies if my routines or fixations are disturbed somehow, but it's more common that I'll feel anxiety or depression rather than anger.

Depression

"Individuals with ASD may experience feelings of isolation, sadness and hopelessness."

Tick, tick and tick.

So that's that. If you want to take the test yourself, you can find it here. If you do take it, please bear in mind my disclaimer above!

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#oneaday Day 203: A distressing dichotomy

I am, as you'll know if you've been reading this here blog for a while, suffering from a fair old bit of loneliness. As the years have gone by, groups of friends have gradually drifted away, and it feels like one of the longest holdouts in that regard is heading in that direction of late. I haven't heard from anyone in this group for probably several months at this point, and to be honest, I'm burnt out.

Here's my problem, see: I'm lonely, but I'm also absolutely exhausted feeling like the only one trying to make an effort to keep friendships going or to try and "fit in" places. I'm a member of several online communities (well, let's be real, Discord servers at this point, since self-contained online communities barely seem to be a thing any more) but the prospect of trying to raise my head, say hello and generally get "noticed" in some way is just… deflating. It almost doesn't feel worth the effort. It feels like fighting my way out of quicksand.

Take this group I'm referring to, for example. I have been feeling for quite some time that if I don't say something and attempt to start a conversation, no-one says anything. And indeed, I must confess, over the past few months I simply haven't said anything, just to see if that was actually the case. I had gotten tired, you see, of every time I attempted to start a conversation resulting in the things I said getting either shut down or ignored. In particular, I have tried to express enthusiasm for the things I've worked on professionally — which I'm very proud of — and my own creative projects — which likewise I want to share with people who are important to me — and have found myself rebuffed. And it seems no-one wants to talk about anything that is important to them, either, so silence it is.

This is not a healthy way to be, I know, but I feel frustrated and resentful any time I feel like I'm the only one who has been making an effort with a friendship. And so, day by day, I feel myself retreating further into my own private world, and feeling less inclined to want to come out and show myself.

Well, no. It's not that. It's that I find doing so to be immensely draining, particularly when it's in an environment or situation I find uncomfortable. Take our work Christmas outing recently for example; while we were out there were several people who clearly wanted to make an effort to get to know me a bit better, and I had those conversations where I could — but because we were in an inordinately noisy environment where it was very difficult (and uncomfortable) to have a conversation, I didn't feel like I could really carry things on. It was too tiring. I felt bad, because it was people showing an honest interest in me, but I just couldn't keep trying to have a conversation while I couldn't hear anything.

I ended up bowing out of the evening relatively early because my senses had just been completely overwhelmed by the noise. I had a good time overall; I just knew I couldn't take any more.

It sort of feels like a variation on that at other times. I don't want to be a lonely recluse who never talks to anyone, but when I never get anything back when I do attempt to initiate something — and when no-one else seemingly wants to initiate things with me without me prompting them — I get to a point where it just doesn't feel worth trying any more, which I fear will eventually build into actively pushing people away if and when they do ever reach out.

Perhaps the thing to do is just to accept that this is the way things are, and to try and structure my life accordingly. If people aren't going to make the effort themselves but they are still, for one reason or another, actually important to me, then I make some time to ensure that I get heard. It doesn't have to be much; perhaps just set aside a time each week to drop a quick message to the group in an attempt to start a conversation. That feels very formal, I know, and that's one of the reasons I haven't done something like this sooner — but right now it feels like doing something overtly "artificial-feeling" might be the only way I get my almost completely drained "Social" meter back up into the green.

I should probably mention at this point that I am inordinately grateful to my good pal Chris, who has stuck by me through exceedingly thick and enormously thin, and always has a kind word and receptive ear any time I drop him a message. The only trouble is he's on the other side of the world to me, so not someone I can just drop in on for some beers and video games.

My wife Andie is and always has been a rock, too, and any time I start feeling lonely I am grateful that I am not completely alone, thanks to her, our two cats (who both know to come and look after me when I'm feeling low — they're both sat with me on the sofa as I type this) and, of course, my family, who just accept me as I am, with all my myriad flaws.

Is that enough, though? It doesn't feel like enough. Something in my mind remains intensely dissatisfied in my socialisation, and I need to do something about it. So, as tempting as it is to just wallow in despair at things gradually getting worse on their own without my input… I guess it's time to acknowledge that I need to provide that input if I ever want things to get better again.

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#oneaday Day 202: Boxing clever

We're finally home. I say "finally"; we were only away for a couple of nights, but the cats are pleased to see us and they are already enjoying their presents. As I type this, Oliver is happily chewing and dragging his new toy around, and Patti is just sitting near me, happy that her favourite person is back where he should be.

The rest of today is going to be spent doing as little of value as possible. I'm going to veg out and play some more The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom and… probably not much else. I would like to write something about Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, which I finished literally immediately before we left for our Christmas trip, but I think I'll save that for tomorrow.

I'm still very much in a Nintendo mood, so I'm currently forming a vague plan for something along the lines of a "Year of Nintendo" special feature over on MoeGamer. There's a lot of first-party Nintendo stuff on Switch that I haven't played, let alone written about yet, and this might be a good excuse to knuckle down and get on with that. Plus it's highly likely that the Switch itself is coming to the end of its lifespan; while the successor hasn't yet been revealed, now seems like a good time for some sort of retrospective exploration of all the "big name" games for the platform, all in one place.

Anyway, that's something to think about further tomorrow. I've also spent some of my Christmas money on filling a few first-party gaps in my Switch collection — Nintendo stuff rarely, if ever, drops in price, so I may as well pick it up when I have a bit of spare money to burn. I'm looking forward to getting stuck into some titles I've been putting off for a long time — like Fire Emblem: Three Houses, which I'm pretty sure someone bought for me several Christmases ago — and potentially having a "big project" to work on over the course of the year. There's also Xenoblade Chronicles X in March, and I am very excited to revisit that game; it'll be particularly cool to check out its multiplayer features on a more popular platform than its original host of the Wii U.

That's about all my brain is capable of processing right now, so it's time for Zelda. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, and here's to the end of another shitty year.

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#oneaday Day 201: A very merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! I hope you've all had a suitably pleasant and relaxing day — or if you're one of those families where your relationship with your relatives is a little strained, that the day has been, at least, tolerable.

It was a nice fairly quiet day at my parents' place and childhood home. We got up, had some breakfast, opened some presents, had some lunch and then settled in for a lazy afternoon. Much of my day was spent playing The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom, which I am enjoying very much. I also bought Andie a copy of Super Mario Party Jamboree, and that seems like a lot of fun also. We had a brief game earlier, which I won quite convincingly.

Andie also bought me one of Matt Berry's albums, specifically his one of classic TV themes. I enjoy Berry's work as an actor and comedian but was completely unfamiliar with his musical work. It's very good, and the selection of '70s and '80s tunes is pleasantly nostalgic. I've queued up a playlist of his other albums for us to listen to on the drive home tomorrow.

I hadn't realised he played so many instruments. Besides vocal contributions on tracks which demanded it (mostly the theme from Rainbow) he also plays a wide variety of keyboard and percussion instruments. The album is more than just a fun novelty; it's very listenable.

Anyway, that is that. We don't want to wake up too late tomorrow as we want to get back in good time to see the cats. We've been keeping an eye on them via our security cameras and they seem fine, but I suspect they will be happy to see us. And so on that note, I bid you a fine good night.

#oneaday Day 200: Night Before Christmas

It's a late and short one this evening as we're away from home and the main PCs for Christmas. We're spending Christmas Day and a bit of Boxing Day with my folks, and New Year with my in-laws.

It's a long drive from where we live to my childhood home but we had a remarkably smooth run this evening. I think we successfully managed to time it so that everyone else had thought they'd get their travelling out of the way a bit earlier. Even the accursed M25 was mostly clear.

God, I really fricking hate typing on a phone so this is almost certainly going to be a particularly short entry today, particularly as it's already half midnight.

I guess on that note I should probably say an early "Merry Christmas!" to anyone who happens to be reading right at this moment. I will give you a more enthusiastic festive greeting tomorrow when I'm a bit more awake, presents have been exchanged and we're all full of turkey goodness.

For now then, it is time for the Last Sleep Before Christmas, so to all a good night or whatever.

#oneaday Day 199: Turns out Balatro is pretty good

People have been banging on about how good Balatro is for ages now, so the other day I decided to actually download it and give it a go. I had nothing in particular against it, but I am also inordinately wary any time something — particularly an indie darling — gets hyped up as much as Balatro has been.

In this case, I think the praise the game has received is very much deserved. Balatro is a game that knows exactly what it wants to be, and all it does is achieve that goal. It doesn't have any pretensions of being high art, it's not doing that thing where "you think it's a card game but it's actually a horror game lololololololooool", it's not psychologically profiling you or gearing up for a singular jumpscare as your playtime hits exactly 256 minutes. It's just a game that has a clear, non-narrative premise, and executed brilliantly.

Balatro is ostensibly a card game "roguelike", but as with most games that bastardise that term these days, all that really means is that there are randomised elements to each game, and when you lose you have to start over from the beginning. There's also a persistent element where the more you play, the more potential "things" you unlock to appear in a run, so even if you beat a run in it quickly, the more you play, the more varied things should, in theory, get.

Balatro is based around poker — a fact which caused the European games rating board PEGI to shit itself and whack it with a completely undeserved 18+ rating well after it had already been released — but is not really a "gambling" game as such. The poker connection is simply the means through which you interact with the game, and it has rather more relaxed rules than "real" poker. In terms of poker variations, Balatro is probably closest to electronic video poker — a fact which it leans into with a nicely understated fake CRT look and some nice pixel art.

Your aim in Balatro is to sequentially defeat a series of "blinds" and "bosses" by scoring a particular number of points in a limited number of hands played. Each round allows you a certain number of discards, and each "hand" played can have between one and five cards.

Each of the common poker hands — high card, pair, two pair, three of a kind, full house, four of a kind, flush, straight, straight flush, royal flush, five of a kind — has a base value that is calculated as a number of "chips" multiplied by a value known as "mult". The base number of chips is then added to by the value of the cards played — with face cards being worth 10 and aces 11 — and the result is the number of points you attain for that hand. Naturally, the more complex poker hands are, at the outset of the game, worth more points.

One interesting thing about Balatro is that you don't have to play "legal" hands. If you just want to get rid of some cards but you have a pair, you can play the pair plus three more cards, and the three "extras" will just get discarded and redrawn. You can also just discard and redraw up to five cards at once a set number of times per round. So long as you meet the score target, you move onto the next round, which has a higher target — and, if it's a "boss" round, which occurs after "small blind" and "big blind" rounds, some special rule comes into play.

The boss rules vary quite considerably from run to run. Sometimes a single suit might be "debuffed", meaning any cards of that suit you play don't add any extra points to a hand during scoring — though they're still considered a valid part of the hand. Sometimes, some or all of your cards may be drawn face down, forcing you to either play blind or use up your discards. Sometimes you have to reach the target using just a single hand. And there are plenty more variations besides.

In order to keep up with the escalating score targets, between each round you can access a "shop", which allows you to purchase specific cards or randomised booster packs to help you out. Planet cards boost the base value of specific poker hands. Arcana cards have various special effects that often allow you to transform cards into more valuable versions of themselves. Spectral cards have particularly powerful effects and don't come up all that often. And standard booster packs simply allow you to supplement your standard 52-card deck with additional cards that may work out in your favour.

Probably the most significant thing you can buy at the shop is a Joker. Rather than simply acting as a "wild card", Jokers instead provide continual passive benefits, and there are many possible effects. Some simply provide a flat increase to chips or mult. Some have conditional bonuses, where you need to play particular cards, or hold particular cards in your hand. Some have special abilities that can be activated in various ways. They are always absolutely key to your success, and the Jokers you choose to hold onto will direct the way you play quite significantly.

For example, a torn Joker provides you with a big bonus if you play hands of 3 cards or fewer at a time. This obviously discourages you from playing things like Full House and Four of a Kind, so you will want to seek out planet cards that boost things like Pair, Three of a Kind and High Card.

Another Joker grows in power according to how many Arcana cards you play, so you will want to specifically seek out ways of acquiring as many of these as possible. Another still provides significant bonuses if you play 10s and 4s as part of your hand. And the list goes on.

The thing I think I like most about Balatro is that it takes something everyone can relate to — playing with cards — and implements it in such a way that would be largely impossible (or at least very impractical) to do in real life. It is exquisitely designed; very easy to pick up, but tricky to master, and each run is markedly different from the last.

Perhaps best of all is how it doesn't overcomplicate things. No needless dialogue, no plot, no explanation of why you're playing this curious twist on poker or attempt to tie it into a greater storyline. The game just is. It has no goal other than to provide a satisfying, enjoyable experience for the player — and it succeeds at this absolutely admirably.

I've always been someone who enjoys narrative in games — but sometimes you just want to play something without getting bogged down in story context. Balatro provides exactly that. And, given that Microsoft now charges a subscription fee to make Windows Solitaire ad-free, I feel like Balatro absolutely should take its place as the office timewaster of choice. It has the same appeal elements as Windows Solitaire, after all — and not a microtransaction or ad in sight. Bliss.

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#oneaday Day 198: MoeGamer year in review, 2024

Hey! You! Reader! Do you read my other site MoeGamer? If not, you're missing out! It's the site where I put a lot more care and attention into things rather than farting something out for daily posts, and it plays host to some of the games writing I've done that has made me most proud over the years.

With that in mind, I thought I'd share some highlights from this year, complete with links so you can go and enjoy them at your leisure. I'm not updating MoeGamer as regularly as I used to — the perils of having a job you actually like, and thus less time to spend writing during the workday! — but I've still written a fair few pieces this year, and I'd like to share some of them with you now.

Fixations and Restricted Interests

Flat Speech

Noise Sensitivity

Social Difficulty

Anxiety

Motor Issues

Eye Contact Issues

Tics, Fidgets and Repetitive Behaviours

Aggression

Depression

A Re-Introduction

Famicom Detective Club

Another Code: Recollection – the way remakes should be

Helldivers II and the Battle Pass Delusion

One Piece Mansion: the puzzle of stress management

Yohane the Parhelion: BLAZE in the DEEPBLUE could have gone deeper

The lost art of "just enjoying something"

The enshittification of the video games press

Tokyo Xanadu eX+

The growing important of media with a positive vibe

The Good Life: SWERY's Lake District holiday

The Missing: a violent, personal journey

Princess Peach Showtime: a short run on stage, destined to be forgotten

Neptunia Game Maker R:Evolution – satire through design?

Disco Elysium: modern-day interactive fiction

Sengoku Rance: deep yet accessible empire building

A new taxonomy of RPGs

Spirit Hunter