It's day 250 of this bullshit, which feels like a significant milestone, and I feel like I don't really have anything to write about. Inevitably, I will almost certainly now proceed to churn out at least 500 words on nothing in particular as I always do when I claim to have "nothing to write about", but I at least wanted to set expectations up front.
I am feeling exceedingly burnt-out right now, and I use that phrase deliberately. After my reading up on autistic shutdowns the other day, I also ended up reading a bit about autistic burnout, which is not a "medical" term, but it is one that has come to be commonly used among autistic people and those who care for them. And it's definitely something I feel like I am contending with right now. Persistent tiredness? Check. Random irritability? Check. Inability to concentrate? Hell to the yes. Desire to just shut down completely? Absolutely.
I should probably talk to someone about this, but I don't really know where to begin, and don't want to come across like I'm making excuses or anything. It's a busy and stressful time for everyone at work right now, and I don't want to leave anyone else in the lurch by just noping out of life for a few days, but at the same time I feel like if I don't put my hands up and say "I need a fucking break" I will almost certainly involuntarily end up noping out of life for a few days. And I don't really want that.
As I've alluded to on previous days, the current happenings around the world aren't helping, and I'm also becoming frustrated with the few online communities that I have remained a part of in a vain attempt to feel any sort of social connection with anyone. There's one in particular that I'm very close to just ditching completely because I'm tired of the moaning negativity that goes on in there, but I like the people who run it so I don't want to upset them by appearing to go off in a huff or anything like that. (Who am I kidding, I suspect no-one will actually notice if I leave.)
I am finding distraction from my own negative thoughts through a combination of Friends, Angel, Xenoblade Chronicles and, yes, I bought the RPG Maker DLC the other night and have made a start on making a stupid self-indulgent project. So that is something. At least I am not sitting staring at a wall or anything like that. But I would like to feel, y'know, better about things generally. And I'm not entirely sure where to start with that.
Oh well. The week is half over. I can, at least, look forward to the weekend. We have nothing in particular planned, but that is nice. I fully intend to sleep in, play some video games, perhaps record some videos and just forget about all this for a couple of days. And once my commitments for this month are over, perhaps I will finally take that time off I clearly owe myself.
Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.
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