[Before I forget, S-Rank Patrons, I'll have a wallpaper for you by the end of the week. I've been quite busy getting all manner of other things done but I haven't forgotten about you!]
"Ooh, it's a lovely day today, innit?" says some hypothetical middle-aged woman conversing over her fence to her neighbour in that way that never actually happens in reality, only on television.
"No," I respond in my mind, silently, because disagreeing with another human being's face when it comes to the weather is tantamount to taking a shit on their lawn right in front of them. "No, it fucking isn't a lovely day. I hate it when it's hot. I really hate it when it's hot. There's no air, it's sweaty, it's uncomfortable and I get sunstroke if I stand out in direct sunlight for more than approximately 5 seconds."
I hate this time of year. I'm pretty sure I didn't used to, though it's also entirely possible (likely) that the climate has changed considerably from the time that I "didn't used to mind" this time of year. I certainly don't remember the summers of my youth being quite so unpleasant to endure — though I do remember them being nice.
Lunchtimes on the school field doing shoulderstands with my friends because we all thought they were the best way to make yourself fart on demand (an opinion I was pleased to see Mike Wozniak shared on the recent series of Taskmaster); cold drinks with ice; Screwballs from Mr Piccadilly Whip (the name we gave to the mysterious foreign ice-cream man who showed up on the school premises every lunchtime and was completely indecipherable on the rare occasions he spoke)… ah, 'twas bliss for a young'un, so it was.
These days, of course, I'd much rather have Wet Play (not like that, filthmonger) because that means you get to stay inside, play board games or hide in the Wendy house and fiddle around with all the fake food and coins. These days, kids would probably be on their smartphones regardless of where they were — though even that is something I enjoy much more indoors than out in the blazing hot, Pete-melting sunshine that is summer in 2021.
Anyway, I am an adult now and I have an air conditioner in my bedroom. So instead of sitting here moaning I'm going to go and use it while I play Atelier Sophie. In your face, primary school me.
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