As I type this, my wife Andie is upstairs watching some beauty/fashion YouTuber called Annalise somethingorother, and she really irritates me. (The YouTuber, not Andie. Andie is pretty good.)
I've been trying to figure out exactly why this YouTuber in particular is so irritating, and I think I've got to the bottom of it. It's actually a combination of things.
Firstly, she's one of the myriad YouTubers who endlessly use jumpcuts for no apparent reason. I still do not understand this. I find it difficult to believe that people have so much difficulty stringing more than one sentence together that they need to edit each and every sentence together like this.
Secondly, a side-effect of this is that her sentences never fucking end. The video has been going for about five minutes now and I haven't heard a single "comma", let alone a "full stop". She just talks and talks and talks and the sentence never ends and it's just exhausting to listen to and I can't deal with it because… you get the idea.
Thirdly, this is seemingly just how she talks, because she has an annoying habit of taking breaths in really weird parts of a sentence. This brings back memories of primary school, where the class idiot (who I won't name, because I'm sure he grew up to be a fine example of manhood) would rabbit on about absolute bullshit for hours at a time, occasionally even taking a breath in the middle of a word. (The word "vid-gasp-eo" always sticks in my mind for some reason. I even remember the context; we were trying to get to sleep in our Year 6 school camp tent, and he would not shut the fuck up about Predator.)
Fourthly, she uses the word "extra" too much. As in, "this is so extra". I don't know what that means. I think it's bad, but I can never be sure. "Extra" sounds like it should be a good thing. I like it when you get extra ice-cream.
Fifthly, all she bloody does (like 90% of the beauty/fashion vlogger community, from what I can make out) is buy a bunch of shit from Wish.com and then whinge about how it's all shit. Yes, of course it is, lovey, you bought it from Wish.
I mean, I'm sure you could complain about a lot of things about me on YouTube, so I probably shouldn't complain too much. All I do is play old games and talk about them, after all. But at least I know how to end a sentence, and I don't abuse the humble jump cut.
Except in that one video where I did it for fun, of course. Can you find it?
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