Whew. I've been quite pleased with the response to some recent articles over on MoeGamer; I'm glad that people have been taking them in the spirit that they were intended, and that people think they are things worth talking about. I'm stepping away from the Internet for the evening to resist the inevitable cycle of refreshing and watching for "social media points", but I do appreciate everyone who has taken the time to say a kind word or share the things I've posted recently.

I'm pretty tired out today. It wasn't an especially late one last night, but I didn't sleep all that well; I was plagued by bad dreams, though frustratingly I wasn't able to remember any of them when I woke up, so I couldn't even attempt to parse what my unconscious was dredging up. That's always the most frustrating; I much prefer it when I can remember at least some details of my dreams, even if they were bad ones, because I can search them (usually in vain) for meaning. Not so last night, though; the sole effect they had was to make me feel exhausted when I woke up, and a dull stomachache for most of the morning didn't help my mood either.

Still, I'm feeling a bit better now aside from general tiredness, so I'm going to play some games then hit the gym before bed, I think; I didn't have time to go to the gym yesterday so I'm keen to get "caught up", as it were. Or at least go and lift some heavy things while watching anime.

Thanks again for all your support and kind words; much appreciated! I hope you have a pleasant evening 🙂

We played the Lord of the Rings Living Card Game this evening, or whatever it's called. My friend Tim has been enthusing about this for a while and has clearly spent about a zillion pounds on expansions and boosters for it, so we thought we'd give it a go for a bit of a change.

Despite my general distaste for Lord of the Rings, I found the game rather enjoyable, if quite similar to the Warhammer Quest card game I picked up a while back. It's a good co-op game, and I can see how it would work well as a solo affair, too, which is typically how Tim has played it in the past.

Mechanically it's reasonably simple. Each quest is split into three distinct phases, during which you have to attain a certain amount of "progress points" in order to clear the phase. Standing in your way are a series of locations and enemies, each of which have an associated "threat" value, which acts as a buffer against your attempts to make progress. Defeating the enemies and "exploring" the locations allows you to remove this threat and make it easier to progress; conversely, you can, in some cases, just leave them be if you think you're in a position to be able to brute-force your way through.

Each round of the game is split into several parts. Firstly, each player in turn spends the resources that their "hero" cards generate on purchasing new cards from their hand and putting them into play. The various cards can either be allies (who fight alongside your initial three heroes), attachments (which affix to a hero or ally in order to boost their capabilities in some way) or events (which have an immediate effect) and can either affect you or the other players around the table — this is a cooperative game, so there's no "backstabbing" involved here.

After that, each player takes it in turn to assign heroes and allies to making progress on the quest. If they do this, they are "exhausted", so are unable to participate in combat except under certain specific circumstances. What you're aiming for as a team is to attain enough progress points to clear the phase of the scenario plus any additional accumulated threat from enemies and locations; the trouble is that you don't know exactly how much additional threat you'll need to contend with, because it's not until after everyone has committed heroes and allies that additional "encounter" cards are drawn.

Following this, there's combat. There are some rules that determine whether or not enemies who have appeared attack specific players that I won't get into now, but mostly this is a numbers game: attacker's attack power minus defender's defense power equals damage taken. Enemies attack first, then your heroes and allies get to attack.

After that, the round resolves, exhausted cards are refreshed (except under certain specific circumstances, such as the spider web Gimli was caught in for pretty much the entire adventure) and you continue like this until either everyone is dead or the scenario is clear.

I'm sure part of the fun of the game comes from building decks to challenge the various adventures, but Tim had built us some good decks so we could just play this evening. They worked well, and I don't really understand how to build a "good" deck in games like this anyway, so I was happy to have that particular responsibility taken away from me!

So yeah. I had a good time; the Lord of the Rings subject matter really didn't matter all that much — it doesn't offend me or anything, it just bores me a bit — and there was a mechanically solid, interesting game at its core. I don't know if we'll be playing it again as a group — there are lots of other things we want to play, including continuing our Pandemic Legacy campaign — but I certainly wouldn't object if we were to give it another shot.

I've been watching Dagashi Kashi recently, having discovered that Funimation actually had the first season subbed and accessible to Europe, while Crunchyroll has the second. This obviously isn't an ideal situation as it means being signed up to two streaming services, but there are things I want to watch on both anyway, so, well, whatever.

I might do a full writeup on Dagashi Kashi on MoeGamer when I've finished watching the second season; I've been wanting to write a bit more about anime for a while, and a lot of the people who follow my blog on WordPress are anime enthusiasts who are also interested in games, rather than the other way around, so it'd be something nice to do for them. But for now, I thought I'd dump a bunch of thoughts here, exclusively for you, dear Patrons!

In short, I've really been enjoying it. I knew that I would, and I hadn't put off watching it for so long because I didn't want to watch it or anything; I simply hadn't made time for anime for ages. Having "broken the seal" a few weeks back with How Heavy Are The Dumbbells You Lift? along with some of this season's short-form stuff to watch at the gym while I do some warm-up cardio, I thought I'd delve into something a bit more substantial that had finished running — i.e. something that I'd be able to binge if I wanted to.

I wasn't really sure what to expect. I knew that both Hotaru and Saya were going to appeal to me for different reasons, but I didn't know what their actual personalities and voices would be like. Neither of them disappointed; Hotaru is just the right side of crazy to be endearing, while Saya is just the most wholesome character I've seen for a very long time. Prime girlfriend material. Kokonotsu doesn't know a good thing when it's right under his nose, but such was always the way in anime.

One thing I've been really appreciating about it is how it emphasises completely mundane activities (mostly eating dagashi snacks) using completely over-the-top shounen-style animations and special effects. This is the sort of thing that only works in anime, and it's something Dagashi Kashi absolutely runs with, particularly in its first season.

I haven't finished watching the second season yet but I found it a bit curious that they went to a short-form structure. Thankfully it hasn't hurt the characterisation or narrative too much, and even the slight shift in art style that I remember seeing some people criticise hasn't been too jarring.

This has been a great anime to watch over the summer. Its lazy, mundane, laid-back attitude has been the perfect accompaniment to days where you don't want to do outside into the blazing hot sunshine — but the whole thing has plenty of stuff to "say", too. The characters are well-crafted and demonstrate some depth and development over time, there's a sense of narrative progression, even though not a lot really "happens", and the whole thing is just a damn good time.

I'm interested to see how the second season continues and wraps up, and I know this is going to be one of those shows I miss after it's over!

I thought I'd try something different in the coming week; previously I'd thought going to the gym first thing in the morning before work would be good — and it has been — but for the last couple of days I've also been rather enjoying going last thing at night.

The advantages of doing it late in the evening are numerous. It's quiet, I have unlimited time and no pressure to get on with things so I can experiment a bit if need be, it's quite a pleasant atmosphere, and it puts me in a nice frame of mind to get some sleep afterwards. The main drawback is the reason I started going in the mornings in the first place: it takes up part of my precious evening, which I do like to try and reserve for doing the things I really want to do.

I might have been thinking about this all wrong, though. Having been going for… what is it, about three weeks now? I'm at a stage where I feel like I actually want to go to the gym; I'm enjoying it, I'm starting to feel (if not see) the benefits, and it's feeling less like an obligation I have to "get out of the way" before I can enjoy myself.

So for this week, I'm going to forego the early morning gym sessions in favour of hitting the  gym last thing at night before I go to bed. I'm interested to see how I feel after a week of this pattern, and which one I end up preferring.

One of the great injustices of the world — and proof if proof were needed that there either is no God, or if there is, he's an arse — is the fact that bread makes you fat.

Bread is great. I love bread. Well, specifically, I love white bread, which is the one that especially makes you fat, but as with most things in this life that make you fat, it's the one that tastes the most delicious.

One of my favourite things to eat is just white bread, either toasted or untoasted, with just a bit of margarine (or butter if I'm feeling extravagant and/or can be bothered to get the damn stuff into a spreadable condition) — nothing else. I remember a common jokey "threat" when I was little being "if you don't eat [x], you can live on bread and water". You know what? I think I probably would have been okay with that.

Well, water is kind of dull so I might have attempted to negotiate to have milk instead of water, because the only thing I love as much (possibly more than) bread is milk. But milk also makes you fat, because of course it does, so in fact it appears that living on a diet of nothing but bread and milk would actually end up making you look like you were rather more well-fed than you actually were.

Everything in moderation and all that. But damn, I frigging love bread.

This has been your less-than-deep late night Saturday evening thoughts. Good night!

Today is one of those days where I really remember why I love what I do. Researching today's introductory Senran Kagura piece provided me with one of those eminently pleasant situations where I was researching things and constantly finding out things I didn't know and which delighted me. I love it when this happens, particularly when it's with a series I thought I already knew quite well!

For me, the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that Senran Kagura's scenario writer was also involved with 428: Shibuya Scramble, two Fire Emblem games and Chaos Rings, among other things. That certainly explains a few things — most notably the depth of characterisation and backstory in the series as a whole — but more than anything, it was just one of those wonderful moments where you feel everything slotting into place and connecting nice and neatly.

I was going to go to the gym this evening because I was too tired to head there this morning. It's now nearly 1am, though, because I really enjoyed writing that piece. So I should probably go to bed. Chris and I are recording a MoeGamer Podcast this weekend, so please look forward to that on Monday!

Whew! With Love³ written up today on MoeGamer, I think I'm up to date on commitments I've made to other people for the moment, which means I can start catching up on the commitments I made to myself!

That means kicking off the new Cover Game feature on Senran Kagura tomorrow (likely with a general introductory post, as I'm still revisiting Bon Appetit and loving it) and then onwards to lots of other fun things in the near future.

I also happened to glance at my YouTube channel earlier and spotted that I've done a hell of a lot more Atari A to Z videos than I'd realised! There are now over 50 just of the 8-bit games, approaching 50 ST games and 31 games from the Atari Flashback Classics collection covered. Not bad going… and there's plenty more where that came from!

I enjoy all the stuff I do on YouTube, but I think the three Atari A to Z series are my favourite to produce. They're also the ones that tend to get the most views and comments, which is always rewarding to see. I don't have any intention of giving up the other stuff I'm doing on the channel — primarily because I'm enjoying doing them just for myself, as with most other things I do — but it's really nice to see that people have an interest in the games I grew up with that don't get talked about as much as stuff on, say, the Spectrum and C64.

I've also had some really kind comments on some of the videos I've posted of late, which makes me feel very happy indeed. It's easy to start feeling like you're shouting into a void sometimes when you're doing creative stuff on the Internet, but just an occasional voice that says "hey, good job, I enjoyed that" helps make it feel all the more worthwhile.

Plus you folks are lovely too, of course. Ahh. I'm feeling quite pleasant this evening, for once. Going by recent history, I should probably enjoy this while it lasts…!

Today's post was inspired by a Daily Inkling posted by Normal Happenings. You can find it — and plenty more writing prompts — here.

Matt asks us:

Do you deal with Impostor Syndrome, the concept of assuming you are unworthy of your accomplishments and will be exposed as a fraud?

Short version: Yes, but not as much as I used to, and only under certain circumstances.

For me, impostor syndrome is something that primarily rears its head when I'm doing something that isn't 100% what I "want" to be doing. In other words, I tend to find that I don't fall foul of it when I'm working on stuff like MoeGamer and YouTube — even though there are plenty of things I want to improve and learn more about over time, and my whole creative process with those is one of constant discovery and experimentation — but rather, I feel it at… a significant proportion of other times, including my daily work and… well, general daily life, to be perfectly honest.

Rationally speaking, I know that I'm good at my day job. I have specialist knowledge that my immediate superior doesn't have, making me valuable and useful to have around. I don't get involved in drama and office politics; I just generally keep my head down. But as I wrote in my anxiety and depression post recently, I worry sometimes that this is "not enough". Questions come up in my head, and they don't always have answers.

Should I be talking more to the people around me? Should I be trying to socialise more with work people outside of work? I don't want to do either of those things, not because any of the people I work with are especially unpleasant, but because I've been severely burned by getting too "close" with people I've worked with on previous occasions. (Nothing sordid, I hasten to add; just a case of being rather too trusting and thinking people were actual friends when in fact they were absolute bastards.)

I worry about the frequent occasions I get bored, too. I worry that having nothing to do and being bored — usually because I've got stuff out of the way quickly — makes me look bad, and I hate asking people for things to do, particularly if I have to ask them several times, which I usually do. But then I look at the people around me who are just as bored and frustrated with what they do at times and I wonder if I'm worrying over nothing.

In my personal life, I struggle with impostor syndrome when dealing with anything "official", particularly if it's stuff I don't understand like insurance or financial matters. I worry that anyone I have to deal with under those circumstances will recognise that I don't know what I'm doing and will take advantage of me. I'm pretty sure that I have been taken advantage of on a number of occasions because of this, which doesn't help my own anxiety over such matters. But again, there are things you need to be able to do as a (mostly) functional adult, so I do my best to try and tough it out when possible.

This even extends as far as interpersonal relationships. I can be with people I've known and loved for a long time — friends and family — and find myself at a loss for words because I worry about something I say making me look stupid. Perhaps this isn't quite impostor syndrome in the same way as other things — it's more social anxiety and/or Asperger's — but it still stems from a basic lack of confidence in myself; the fear that I'll be seen as someone who is incapable of doing basic things like, say, having a conversation.

So yes. I do suffer with impostor syndrome. Just… not necessarily at the times you might expect someone like me to!

You're not a marketer. You're not an advertiser. You're a person.

Okay, someone like me who runs a Patreon page may well be a bit more of a marketer than your average social media user, but even then, I try to make an effort to talk like a human being.

I mention this because I've seen a few people recently talking about conversations they've had on Twitter, and referring to them as things like "engagement" and "interaction" with their "content". These people aren't really "creating" anything; at most they're posting images they found on Google Image Search with a bit of the obligatory "remember this?" stuff going on. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but there's no need to refer to it as "content", nor any need to carefully monitor the "engagement" you've had with your "audience". Sometimes you're just sharing a cool thing with your friends.

This sort of thing always kind of bugs me a bit, as it dehumanises people. Not just those who are actually working on creative projects, but also those who apparently want to look like they're working on creative projects. I don't go on social media because I want to "engage" and "interact", I do so because I want to chat with people, maybe ask some questions. I don't "create content", I write stuff.

I think all this is an extension of my massive distaste for business-speak that I've previously spoken about on these very pages. Business-speak is a mess of weasel words intended to hide the fact that no-one is actually saying anything of any substance whatsoever, and there's really no need for that sort of thing to cross into people's private life and hobbies.

In your private life and hobbies, it pays to be open and honest about the things you enjoy and want to share with friends and family, and to be able to speak about them with genuine enthusiasm. The second you start using overly formal words to describe simple concepts, you're putting up walls, attempting to elevate yourself above everyone else and, in the process, making yourself look extremely insincere.

So stop fuckin' talking like a suit-wearing bellend and just be, like, a person, k? Or, err, something. Big mood. mfw. lol. And other things the kids say.

</grump>

I'm going to bed!

Apparently World of Warcraft Classic is launching soon. I have no intention of playing it, but I do have some very fond memories of playing World of Warcraft at various points throughout its relatively early lifetime: specifically, up through Wrath of the Lich King.

My first encounter with World of Warcraft was when my friend Tim invited me to try and get in on the beta he'd applied for. He was a big fan of the Warcraft series in general, though I wasn't particularly familiar with it the time (and still am not, really; real-time strategy has never been "my" genre) but the concept sounded interesting. I'd also had some good times with Final Fantasy XI previously, so I knew that MMOs could be a cool experience.

During the beta, we both played some Tauren characters and explored around the Thunder Bluff area, completing quests and fighting monsters. It was an enjoyable experience, and I have fond memories of just being part of that world at the time.

I don't recall if we actually started playing immediately when the game launched, but I do remember having a packaged copy of it, complete with a manual (remember them?) and an incredibly lengthy install procedure. Tim and I would play together and kept rough pace with one another because we tended to "role-play" our characters; we were playing on an RP server, and thus we tended to spend more time acting out scenes and exploring our characters' backstories than actually playing the game. Consequently, it took a very long time for either of us to reach the original level cap, and the majority of our gameplay was in the open world rather than in the instanced dungeons and raids.

At various other points, I revisited the game during both the Burning Crusade and Wrath of the Lich King days. In the latter, I took the experience quite seriously and made some good progress, finally making it to the level cap though never actually participating in any true endgame content. One thing I was particularly pleased with, though, was the fact that I successfully managed to map the entire world as it existed in Wrath of the Lich King era well before I was "supposed" to be in places like Icecrown; I proudly displayed the title I attained as a result because it was actually quite a significant achievement to have done that.

Interestingly, a lot of my enjoyment of World of Warcraft came from the fact I didn't really understand the conventions of MMO structure despite having played Final Fantasy XI and a lot of WoW up until that point. I'd just been sort of exploring my way around, fighting enemies and completing quests rather than trying to grind out instances or anything like that… and I can't help but feel I had a much more fun experience than I would have had if I'd played "properly".

Of course, modern World of Warcraft is a very different game from what it once was, and World of Warcraft Classic is an option to deliberately go back to those good(?) old days… but I think my time with that type of game has passed. I'm not ruling out a return to Final Fantasy XIV at some point — indeed, it'll be part of my Final Fantasy Marathon on YouTube at some point in the distant future, as will Final Fantasy XI — but I think World of Warcraft, for me, now best exists as a happy memory that I don't try and return to.