#oneaday Day 32: Friendship Frustration

I apologise in advance for the somewhat self-indulgent post ahead, but, well, you're reading my daily personal blog, so a certain amount of this is to be expected, surely!

I've become increasingly frustrated and disillusioned over the past few years with the one thing no-one tells you about "growing up": the fact that, over time, you will probably lose most of your friends, and the ones you do manage to maintain become impossible to get hold of or do anything with.

To be honest, it's hard not to take that personally sometimes, even though I know in many cases it's down to different people various having busy, demanding jobs or a family that demands their attention. I just get to feeling like sometimes it would be nice to have someone go out of their way to do something enjoyable with you rather than doing the same old thing day after day. I'm aware how selfish that might sound — but I'm not asking for favours or anything here; often it's just simple requests to socialise that get stonewalled.

I noted yesterday that I was hoping to get some local friends involved with recording some videos for Atari Flashback Classics on Switch. Earlier today I raised the possibility, with a detailed, enthusiastic explanation of what I was proposing and why. So far I've had no response from three out of the four, and one rather blunt rejection because it "doesn't interest them". Despite us having had successful and enjoyable gaming days together in the past.

This is frustrating. Yes, this is more of a "favour" than a simple request to hang out in that it will help me produce something, but it's still something that should be fun and enjoyable as well as an opportunity to socialise. To be outright rejected apparently without a great deal of consideration… frankly it kind of hurts a bit, although I do accept that the feelings of anxiety it causes may well be brought on at least slightly by the fact I forgot to take my anti-anxiety medication this morning.

You know something… interesting? Out of all the people I'd regard as "close" friends, very few of them support what I do on MoeGamer, on Atari A to Z or on Videopac Games, even where it is relevant to their interests. I'll often enthusiastically share something I've written or recorded with them and hear absolutely nothing back, whether as a direct response or as a comment on the article/video… and they don't do social media so they can't do something as simple as a share or a like that would help me out at minimal inconvenience to themselves. I've got to the point where I don't really want to share my stuff, the things I'm most proud of, to my closest friends because their apparent total lack of interest in it is rather demoralising. 

All this is a massive bummer, of course, particularly when it concerns a project where it would be really useful to have people nearby to collaborate with. But on the other hand, it also makes me even more grateful for those of you who are kind enough to be reading this — those of you who have supported me; those of you who do believe in and appreciate what I do; those of you who understand how important my hobbies and interests are to me, particularly as someone who suffers considerably from social anxiety and consequently finds a lot of "normal" activities a rather daunting prospect.

So thank you for that. And apologies for venting. I will remember to take my pills tomorrow and hopefully my brain will be churning a little less. Have a lovely Friday night.