2281: Trying Times

I'd like to be fairly open about this, within reason, as I don't want to sound like I'm constantly moaning about stuff — particularly with my desire to be more positive that I expressed the other day — but I feel it's important to share with those of you who read regularly and whom I consider to be friends.

It's a difficult period of life right now, as you might have surmised from some recent posts. I'd like to talk a little about what's going on and why, and how you might be able to help.

Basically the main trouble we're having stems from a chronic pain condition my wife has which is called, if I remember correctly, interstitial cystitis, also known as the rather literal "painful bladder syndrome". The issue has been bothering her for well over a year now, and for the last few months she's been off work due to how bad the pain has been. With me having also been out of work since my seasonal position at Game came to an end in January, as you can probably imagine, this has made financial security something of an issue. Technically I do have a new job now, but as I'll explain in a moment, the situation isn't exactly ideal.

Of greater concern than the financial issues — though they are related — is the matter of mental health, both for my wife and for me. Andie's inability to work has led to her being practically housebound, which as anyone who has been housebound will know, can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation that can sometimes escalate into more severe negative feelings. Without going into details — this isn't the time or place for that — suffice it to say that Andie has had a very difficult time of it with both her mental and physical health over the last few months, and it's by turns heartbreaking, upsetting, frustrating and infuriating to cope with for me, since there's literally nothing I can do about it.

The reason I say the situation with my new job isn't particularly ideal is that, as anyone who has been left alone and isolated with mental health issues will know, being by yourself when you're feeling particularly low isn't a good or safe situation to be in. I know, I've been there — though thankfully the negative feelings I had never escalated to such a degree that I did myself serious harm. (The most I did to myself was bruise my hand a bit from thumping the floor in frustration.) My new job is in Basingstoke, which is at least half an hour's drive away and thus puts me out of range of being able to easily rush back if necessary. It puts Andie in the position where she feels like she has no-one to call on for help in the day if she needs it, and it puts me in the position where I don't know what state I might find her in when I get home, which is, naturally, rather worrying.

So with that in mind, for the next week or two I'm going to be taking some time to make sure she's all right — and that I'm all right, for that matter. We're getting some help and support from various sources — both family and medical — but anything those of you out there in friend-land can offer would be most welcome, even if it's just a kind word and a chat now and again. (If you do feel inclined to help us out financially, may I direct you to my Patreon page, where you can help me make my writing into a proper income stream.)

I hope things are going to be all right. It's easy to fall into a pit of negativity when this sort of thing happens and there doesn't seem to be any sort of easy solution. But with the right help and support, we'll hopefully make it out of this particular pit, be able to get back on track and start living our life the way we want it to again. That would be very nice right now.