
(If you are offended by swearing you may wish to skip this one. But then that's kind of the point of this post. So perhaps you should read it.)
Swearing's a funny thing. On the one hand, a well-timed expletive—particularly a creative compound one, such as "felchbastard"—can make everyone laugh. On the other hand, people who use the word "fucking" as verbal punctuation and/or a non-fluency feature are, well to be frank, complete arseholes.
It's curious how some swear words are more acceptable than others though, especially given the fact that many of them refer to the same thing. Refer to someone as a "twat" and that's generally seen as just fine and peachy (unless you're, say, talking to the Queen or your grandparents (assuming they're not the kind of grandparents who swear like sailors (possibly because they were sailors) or squaddies (ditto) and now I'm not sure how many nested brackets I've used so I'll just hope) or the local vicar) but call them a "cunt" and you'll quite possibly be the recipient of a stony silence, a slap in the face or a detention, depending on your age/social status and/or occupation.
But why should this be? "Twat" and "cunt" both refer to the female genitalia, yet some people feel more uncomfortable saying the word "vagina" out loud than "twat", yet "cunt" is still some sort of horrendous secret taboo. They all mean the same thing.
Oddly enough, no synonyms for the penis (of which there are many, as the back page of my Year 8 homework journal from secondary school will attest) appear to be regarded as anywhere near as taboo as words for the vajayjay. "Cock", theoretically the most offensive one, as it's (arguably) the one you're most likely to hear during pornography, is flung around with gay abandon (not literally) pre-watershed on Top Gear, while "penis" is still seen as somewhat awkward, despite being an anatomical term and not a swear.
"Fuck" and/or "fucking" are the words that gets a lot of people though. "Fuck/fucking" are, in themselves, rather multi-purpose words. They can be used as a verb meaning sexual congress ("He fucked her good and proper") or as a verb meaning "broke" or "beat up" ("She fucked him up good and proper") or as an adjective ("Cover that fucking bruise on your face, you big wuss") or as an intensifier ("That was brilliant." "No, it was fucking brilliant.") or just a an expletive ("Fuck!").
The trouble with "fuck", though, is that it's overused. First five minutes of Four Weddings and a Funeral aside, you just have to walk down any inner-city street in the UK to hear the word "fuck(ing)" used so frequently you wonder if the people uttering it are actually aware they're saying it quite so much. In theory, a lot of their usage of it is as an intensifier—but seriously, saying "I went to the fucking shops" is utterly redundant. Saying something is "fucking brilliant" makes it very clear that it's better than brilliant. However, saying you went to the "fucking shops" is useless, because the shops are the shops, and however much "fucking" you put in front of them, they cannot be any more shoppy than they already are, in that they are already 100% shoppy, and if making them into the "fucking shops" made them more shoppy than 100% shoppy, then that would defy all laws of physics, metaphysics, logic and possibly a few bits of theology, too. And no-one wants that.
The only exception to this is when you're annoyed at the place you've been. Then you can do that sulky teenage stroppyface and say "Yeah, I went to the fucking shops" as if it's the biggest hardship in the world that you had to suffer being dragged around New Look a little bit when all you really wanted to do was get home and masturbate/take drugs/yell at a gerbil that just isn't pulling its weight any more/watch Noel Edmonds (on TV, obviously, unless you live with him, which would be a hellish existence in and of itself more than worthy of using the word "fucking" at every opportunity).
Basically, cockweasel, stop being such a fucking prudish cunt, and enjoy the rich tapestry of bullshit that the English cocking language has blessed us twats with.

Search terms are the blog topic that never gets old. Well, it might get old. I don't know. No-one's ever complained yet. So I'm going to cover it, even though I've done it several times in the past. This time, I'm going to look at search terms over different time periods, however, so it will be New and Exciting. And will also give you some insight into what people think I'm an expert on.
Remember when we didn't have to update things? I do. It was a good time. You could put something in to your computer or console, safe in the knowledge that it (probably) worked… and if it didn't work, it would probably get recalled and/or refunded. It was a binary state. In the world of consoles, this situation prevailed until the last generation ended—the era of the 360 and PS3 ushered in the Age of the Patch.
So the
Piracy is a crime. Most people are aware of this by now, but it still goes on. And as much as I'm not a fan of piracy per se, it's becoming increasingly understandable why people resort to less-than-legal means to get hold of digital content. Sometimes it's because said content isn't available where they live without paying exorbitant amounts of money to import things. Sometimes it's to get a different version of some content they enjoy. And sometimes it's because the legal versions of the content don't work in the first place.
It was late, and dark, and cold. The air was thick with desire, and there was only one thing on his mind as he quietly descended the stairs in pursuit of the one thing he wanted. His bare feet made no noise as he descended the stairs towards the home of his heart's desire.
The tail-lights of the cars in front of you brighten as they apply the brakes. Your collective speed drops. There seem to be an awful lot more cars around than there were a moment ago, and a few trucks, too. Your heart sinks.
I haven't bought anything "new" for some time now, be it a book, CD, DVD, Blu-Ray or game. (Actually, that's a lie, I picked up Deathsmiles recently but only because if I didn't grab a copy now I doubt I'd ever see it on store shelves ever again, but that's beside the point. I probably shouldn't have started on this aside as it is taking away from my original point somewhat. Forget I said anything and let's start again.)