#oneaday Day 532: Knackered

I'm absolutely exhausted, and I'm not entirely sure why. I guess this week has been a bit of a busy one with a trip to the office, and just before said trip I was ill, so I think I'm probably still feeling the lingering (after)effects of being ill. Or possibly just still being ill. Either way, it's 8pm and I just want to go to bed, so as soon as we've had some dinner, that's what I'm going to do.

Everything just feels so tiring these days — mentally, more than anything. I am beyond tired of the revolting end-stage capitalism hellscape we live in right now, and long for the AI bubble in particular to pop, if only so people can stop posting screenshots of Google's AI summaries and think that doing this, in any way, proves any sort of point. That and it would be super-cool if all the software everyone uses goes back to being functional and useful rather than having fucking chatbots everywhere.

It's frustrating. I was listening to Cory Doctorow and Ed Zitron talking about the whole "enshittification" thing earlier, and their conclusion is that as individual consumers, there unfortunately isn't a whole lot that we can do to stand up to this nonsense, because it's all happening at a corporate or even governmental level so far beyond the scale of one individual, it's impossible to do anything about. They do, however, note that that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do; they cite the example of attending Town Hall meetings and voicing your concerns about financially and environmentally ruinous data centres being constructed. Even so, though, this seems largely like an American thing — I don't even know if "Town Hall meetings" are a thing here — and, again, it's hard not to feel like a little ant about to be crushed by corporate authoritarianism.

I'd ignore all this shit completely if I could, but it's everywhere — and particularly getting its tendrils into things I actually care about, such as the creative sectors and particularly video games. The new Call of Duty is absolutely riddled with AI art, for example; Ubisoft's latest Anno game has "placeholder" AI art loading screens that definitely aren't just being called placeholders because they got caught; and it seems like every day, a new corporation decides that yes, the absolute best thing to do, despite the general public reacting universally negatively to it every time it happens, is to pivot to an "AI-first" approach, inevitably laying off swathes of the workforce in the process.

I thank my lucky stars I have a stable (I hope) job in the middle of all this, and that AI doesn't interfere with my job any more than having to ignore annoying sparkly buttons in social media management tools and occasionally telling people off for getting ChatGPT to "write" minor things when I'm right here and can do that for them in a matter of seconds without burning a fucking lake down.

God. The "future" sucks. It's a cliché to say at this point, but we really have taken the exact opposite lessons from "cyberpunk" and futuristic dystopia literature than were intended by their authors. We have all the negative aspects of a corporate-dominated end-stage capitalism hellscape, and none of the cool stuff like consumer-grade bionic arms and sex robots. (Well, okay. They're almost certainly working on the sex robot thing, though if it ends up being LLM-powered I'm not sure anyone is going to want to fuck ChatGPT.)

Is it any surprise I'm knackered when just existing through all this nonsense is draining the life force and will to live out of all of us? Probably not. So I'm going to enjoy my KFC and then go to bed.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 399: Tiresome

It is the weekend, and I am tired. It has been a very busy period at work for various reasons. It would probably be unprofessional of me to explain further, but suffice it to say for now that the struggles we've been dealing with have been external in nature, and the people who've been pestering us about certain things for years had better bloody well appreciate what we've been getting up to!

It's tiring, but it's also worthwhile. I spent a goodly portion of this afternoon just Getting Things Organised, and it was a lot more satisfying than I thought it would be. I had been putting off this particular specific task of Getting Things Organised for a while, but I had said I would get it done by the end of the week, and that's exactly what I've successfully done. My Things That Are Now Organised will hopefully help me out in the day-to-day running of my job, and, with any luck, make my life a bit easier. We shall see.

There's lots of exciting things coming up for Evercade. The new Super Pocket devices are out now, bringing with them a built-in selection of NEOGEO and Data East games. I've also got an early copy of our first NEOGEO cartridge, so I will be looking forward to sitting down and actually taking some time to enjoy these games, rather than writing documentation for them or testing them. I'll also be spending a bunch of time playing Roguecraft DX when that comes in, but we haven't had the advance copies for that just yet.

Then there's all the stuff we haven't announced yet! There are some great things coming later in the year and early next year. I've been working on some of the first cartridges that we have planned for 2026 recently, and it's going to be another fantastic year. Evercade really has gone from strength to strength since it launched against all odds in 2020, and I'm proud to be part of the whole thing. If you'd told child me that one day I'd be working on producing official rereleases of some of my all-time favourite games, I'm sure he'd be delighted. He might wish that this role had come about a little sooner in my life, but, well, we can't have everything, and at least I can enjoy it now. I am right in the target audience for the products I'm working on.

I'm looking forward to a nice break, though. I think I mentioned the other day that Andie and I are going to Center Parcs again later this year, in September. It's going to be lovely to have some time away, particularly as we're staying for a little longer than we have done on previous visits. It will hopefully be time to thoroughly unwind and relax before having to jump back into our respective job roles, both of which have been a tad stressful for a while!

Still, rather what I've been doing than… well, pretty much anything else I've done in what can laughably be called my "career" to date. I'm doing something I (mostly) enjoy in a field I care deeply about, my contributions are appreciated, and I'm paid well for the privilege. Not a lot to complain about, aside from people being rude on social media. Things could be (and have been, at various points in my past) a lot worse!

Anyway. I'm off to go start enjoying my weekend, perhaps with a few of those NEOGEO games. I never have finished Metal Slug before… perhaps it's time I gave it a proper shot?

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#oneaday Day 254: Nothing Much

I've had a nice quiet weekend that has been almost entirely occupied with Xenoblade Chronicles. I thought about making some videos, but decided that I didn't really have the mental fortitude to sort that out, so I have just had a completely relaxing weekend where I thought about nothing of any importance whatsoever, and just enjoyed myself.

This is a valuable thing to do now and again, particularly if you are feeling any sort of burnout or stress, which I most certainly have been of late. Honestly, I feel like I am starting to come out of the other side of the funk I've been in for the last while. I'm not completely out of it by any means just yet — and I'm sure the first time I look at social media for work on Monday I will suffer a mental health setback — but I am feeling a bit better, partly for having spent some time just relaxing, partly for having got some things off my chest with the post the other day, and partly… well, these things just pass eventually, usually.

That, honestly, is one of the things that's kept me holding on through difficult times — the knowledge that "this, too, shall pass". It always has done. Sometimes there have had to be difficult decisions made in order to encourage this, too, to indeed pass, but for the most part, just gritting your teeth and hanging on in there generally allows one to pass any number of this, toos, that might find themselves coming your way. And thankfully this most recent bout of the blues appears to have fallen into that category.

One thing I try to do when I'm feeling low is to ponder the things I do have that I should be — and am — grateful for. I'm not saying that just because you have things to be grateful for that you shouldn't be sad, of course — processing one's emotions is important and healthy — but rather, I think I'm saying that when things get hopeless I find it helpful to remember that I do not, in fact, have nothing, and that as difficult as it can be to appreciate that when you're down the bottom of a depression hole, those things you do have are a welcome sight when you eventually clamber back out.

That was a tortured metaphor, I know, but I'm just bashing things out on fumes here. Early night tonight and an attempt to get back into a routine of feeling like a vaguely normal human being. I don't know if I'm quite ready to return to the super-early mornings and going for a walk down to the shop, but I can at least look to tomorrow with good intentions if nothing else.

I hope you've had a pleasant and appropriately relaxing weekend, and that your week ahead isn't looking too stressful or chaotic. I am very much ready for a break, but I have a couple of weeks to get through before I can enjoy that break. That's feeling eminently doable at this point, though, so here's to Getting Back Into Things.

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2526: Quiet Weekend

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I've been working all week, and I now have two full days — a proper weekend — to look forward to. And I am indeed very much looking forward to it.

In particular, I'm looking forward to spending some more quality time with Final Fantasy XV and Pokémon Moon, both of which I've had the chance to play sporadically throughout the week, but not for particularly protracted periods of time due to the necessity of getting up the next day in time for work.

I've always appreciated free time with no commitments, but nothing really makes you appreciate it quite like a week of hard work, whatever form that hard work takes — whether it's getting out of the house and doing something in exchange for money, or simply doing something useful at home.

Although the work I'm doing is just temporary — it's the same seasonal position in retail I held last year — I'm enjoying it, and I'm noticing a few positive things about myself in the process. In particular, I'm finding it a lot easier to quite simply talk to people and feel like "part of the group". Whether this is a result of working with the same people I worked with last year and consequently not having to build new relationships from scratch, or if it's something to do with the new medication I started on about a month back, I'm not sure — it's probably a combination of those two things — but I am, on the whole, feeling uncharacteristically satisfied with certain aspects of myself at present.

There are plenty of things I'm unsatisfied with too, of course — most notably having put a bunch of weight back on since losing a bunch with Slimming World last year, though since changing medication I have subsequently discovered part of the blame for that can be laid at the feet of the pills I was on earlier in the year — but for now I'm trying to enjoy life as much as I can. I don't doubt that in January when my temporary position comes to an end that things will get a little difficult and tight once again, but I have a few plans in place for things to do and some potential opportunities to pursue.

It's perhaps a tiny bit early to review the whole year, though most people will probably agree 2016 has largely been a big pile of shit. That said, this last couple of months have proven to be a little better than the rest of the year, at least, so all I can really hope for at the moment is that the worst is over and that this is the start of the long climb back out of the abyss into something resembling a normal, satisfying, happy life.

It remains to be seen what 2017 has to hold, but I'm not worrying about that too much for the moment. Right now, I have a full weekend to look forward to. And I intend to enjoy it as much as possible by doing as little as possible.

1698: Friday, Friday

I've always appreciated the weekend to a certain degree, but frankly when you're working from home as I was for the last four years, spending a couple of extra days in the place where you've been spending time anyway wasn't much of a "reward" for a job well done. (A couple of days off, however, was.)

After just two weeks at my new job, I'm already observing a new appreciation of the weekend. It was thoroughly pleasant to know that, as time ticked on throughout this afternoon, I was getting closer and closer to being able to go home and stay there for a bit. (Yes, we have a thoroughly quiet and boring weekend planned, with the only thing we really have to leave the house for being my eye test tomorrow.)

I've been in a position to appreciate the weekend before, back when I was a teacher, but it wasn't quite the same. When working as a teacher, you see, the weekends tend to end up filled with the work you weren't able to complete during the week. Things like marking, levelling, paperwork — and by the time you're done with all that there's not all that much time left for enjoying yourself.

Then there was retail, where weekends would frequently be stolen from you — although, I have to say, having a midweek day off in lieu of some weekend work was always rather pleasant.

Now, though, I have a proper weekend. I get home from work on a Friday evening and I don't have to even think about it until Monday morning. That's a good feeling. That's a nice feeling. That means I can enjoy my weekend without guilt about things I "should" be doing, or worrying about whether I'll have a job when the next week starts. (The latter worry is a common affliction of those in the online press sector, because, well, as I've already demonstrated, jobs sometimes just disappear at a moment's notice.)

So yes. I plan to enjoy my weekend to the fullest. Not like some 'avin it large "living for the weekend" twat, of course — I actually can't remember the last time I just "went out" to drink and… do whatever it is you're supposed to do on a night out — but rather someone who has worked hard all week and is now perfectly entitled to a bit of a break.

I anticipate this weekend will be filled with a combination of Tales of Xillia 2, Final Fantasy XIV, Velocity 2X and possibly a first look at Danganronpa 2 if I finish Xillia 2, which is starting to look increasingly likely. We'll see. I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about when I eventually crack that one open.

For now, then, have a pleasant Friday night, and an enjoyable weekend. I certainly will.

1539: Winding Up

The weekend is coming to a close, and another week of work beckons. After that, there will be another weekend, and the whole cycle will repeat over and over and over again.

This weekend has been quite nice despite the fact we haven't really done all that much. Andie and I paid not one but two visits to a nice local restaurant/bar/lounge type place called Trago Lounge that we were first introduced to for a friend's birthday a while back. We went there on Saturday for one of their excellent burgers — the "Hero Burger", which also features chorizo, some unidentifiable green goo that tastes nice, chipotle mayo and a pickled chilli in a toasted, crispy brioche bun is delicious — and enjoyed it so much we decided we'd drop in for breakfast today.

Trago Lounge has a substantial breakfast menu, largely inspired by the sort of stuff you'd typically get in an American breakfast-specialist place such as the Half-Day Cafe in Marin County, CA that my parents always insist on going to every time we go and visit my brother. (To be fair, they do do amazing breakfasts.) Today, I tried a stack of eggy bread with crispy bacon and syrup — predictably yummy, though the bacon was a little overdone — while Andie had what was called "dirty beans", which was essentially a bowl full of home-made baked beans (three different types) with a healthy dollop of barbecue pulled pork and some lumps of toasted ciabatta to dip. It's not what I would have called "breakfast" per se, but Andie enjoyed it. (It was a little too oniony for me, however.)

After that, we wandered into town for an idle look around and I ended up buying a new television. I recently came into a bit of money, you see, and while I'm intending on saving most of it, Andie quite rightly suggested that it was probably worth spending some of it on something nice that I'd enjoy. After a considerable amount of umming and ahhing — there really wasn't all that much I want to spent a considerable amount of money on right now, aside from, you know, the house we're buying — Andie suggested replacing my current TV, which is now a good few years old. It still works perfectly well, I might add, but the new one is significantly bigger, has an almost bezel-free edge, is an LED screen (as opposed to my current TV's LCD), has optical sound output instead of analogue and has a lot more options to tweak for optimising performance when watching TV, watching movies or playing games. Oh, and it's 3D, too, because it's apparently impossible not to buy a 3D TV any more, despite 3D TV not really being anywhere near as much of a thing that everyone tried to convince us a year or two back.

Anyway, that's turning up on Wednesday because John Lewis apparently don't stock anything above 50 inches in store (it's 55) so we're both looking forward to that. And that, really, was my weekend. Oh, I found two Atmas in Final Fantasy XIV earlier on, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that. And people got angry on Twitter earlier on (not at me!), but people always get angry on Twitter and I'm frankly beyond giving a shit about any of it any more.

So that's that, really. Night night.

#oneaday, Day 54: End of another week

It's that time again. Friday night. I chose not to listen to Radio 1 on the way home tonight, which means I didn't want to throw things at Annie Mac and her stupid jingles. Whoever decided the airhorn should be the iconic sound of "I Think This Is A Fine Piece Of Music And No Mistake" should be punched in the testicles or lady-equivalents. But no matter, because I didn't actually hear it tonight. I drove home listening to, of all things, The Sims 3 soundtrack. What? It's cheery and relaxing, and after the day I had, I needed cheery and relaxing. It was that or whack on Bayonetta's soundtrack and freak people out with either J-pop or epic scary choirs blasting out of my car.

This weekend I will be editing the next SquadCast on the subject of Machinarium, an endearing little adventure/puzzle hybrid available for PC and Mac. I will refrain from talking about it too much here as we discuss it at great length on the SquadCast which should, barring disasters of unforeseen proportions, be available by the end of the weekend.

Other plans for the weekend include Final Fantasy XIII, which I'm enjoying a great deal so far, and maybe a bit more of the Blur beta, which I've been playing a little bit of this evening – check out my thoughts here.

I'm actually looking forward to being unemployed as I'll have time to do lots of things I've been meaning to for ages but have usually been too exhausted to. Sitting on my imaginary To-Do list is the production of a website for my potential computer tuition services, some more writing for here, pJedi and BitMob, some chasing of potential sources of freelance writing work and, of course, some time to actually wind down. After the week I have coming up, I will probably need it, but the less said about that, the better.

Then there's PAX. I can't wait. It's going to be an awesome time when I get the chance to see some very dear friends – some for the first time, others for the second. After that, who knows where things will lead?

My new life may not be easy all the time, but I'm certainly looking forward to taking control and doing things for myself.

One A Day, Day 7: Achievement Unlocked!

That's one week of continuous blogging. Achievement unlocked! Okay, some of the entries have been fairly pointless so far, but at least I'm writing something, and there's no better practice at writing than to actually do it.

Just been for a run – my third this week. This means I've successfully completed the first week of the course I linked to yesterday. Achievement unlocked! Here's the route I took today, in case you were curious. Going over the Itchen Bridge meant there were a lot more hills than usual, so my legs feel like they've had a decent workout today.

I have a meeting with my boss on Monday to discuss my leaving date! Achievement unlocked! Possibly!

Enough of that. Achievement un… Stop it. Seriously.

Today's been another quiet, dull day. Played a bit more of the Star Trek Online beta earlier and tried out a character on the Klingon side. It seems that Klingon players mainly play PvP missions – or perhaps that's just what's in the Klingon sectors. I wonder what happens if you go further afield?

On the writing front, it's been great to see members of the Squadron of Shame getting well into contributing to BitMob, one of the best community-driven games sites out there, with lots of "alumni" from the 1up blogosphere (ugh… hate that word) finding a new home there. I'll definitely be contributing more as time goes on – if nothing else, it's good practice for thinking up interesting ideas for articles which I could pitch to potential freelance clients. If you haven't checked out my articles there yet, go do so! (The Bayonetta article is by far the most popular. I'm not sure what that says to me.)

That's about all I have to say today, apart from the usual "I really don't want to go back to work on Monday". But let's try and be positive. There's still some of Sunday night left. Dinner, avoiding seeing Dancing on Ice and probably Star Trek Online await.

One A Day, Day 5: It's the Weekend!

Yes, it's the weekend, assuming you've finished work.

As much as a love the end of a working week, I find something profoundly irritating about people who talk about the weekend as if it's some sort of magical entity capable of curing all evils and making the world a better place. It's not magical. It's two days off, after which you'll have to go back to your stultifyingly boring and depressing job, coming just to the borderline of seriously contemplating slitting your wrists by Friday, before you get to go home, get some actual sleep, spend two days wanking and crying then start the whole hideous process over again.

The worst culprit for weekend-hype is Annie Mac's show on BBC Radio 1. Radio 1 is irritating at the best of times, but Mac's show takes the biscuit. Her jingles seem to consist entirely of either airhorn noises (the use of which seems to be growing in popularity, annoyingly) or special needs people yelling "It's FRIDAY!" then giggling like they've got a wasp in their Jap's-eye and don't know whether it tickles or really fucking hurts. Take a listen if you can stomach it. The thing is, some of the music she plays is actually quite good for a Friday night drive home. But as soon as she starts talking or pressing the magic noise-making buttons on her console, I want to throw smelly things through my radio into her stupid face.

Still. The weekend is good in that you can sleep in and then get things done that you've been intending to do all week. Or, indeed, spend two continuous days wanking and crying, as intimated earlier. Both are perfectly acceptable uses of your time. The choice is yours.

I know what I'm planning to do.