#oneaday Day 665: Restlessness

I'm having one of those days where I feel, I don't know, restless and sort of dissatisfied with existence. It's a long weekend, and times like that tend to be prone to such feelings, because when you're given a nice block of time off from the day job, the natural thing — for me, anyway — is to wonder how (or whether) you can spend that time in a vaguely "productive" manner, doing something that adds some sort of "value" to your life.

This is not necessarily a good way of thinking about things, of course. Obsessing over whether what you're doing is "worthwhile" can lead to grindset nonsense, and those people are soundly mocked by well-adjusted individuals with good reason. But all the same, I do, at times, feel myself wanting to… I don't know, it's hard to even express. Achieve something, I guess?

I've had this conversation with myself before. I do achieve things in my daily life and with my day job. My contributions to my workplace are a critical part of the entire process of bringing actual physical, tangible products that are worth money to market. Shouldn't that be enough? Isn't that enough of a "legacy" to leave behind?

Well, perhaps. But I'm sure many of us have had grander plans in the past. Plans to write a book, make a game, compose an album of music, all those sorts of things. And, as we get older, it becomes easier and easier to tell ourselves that we "don't have time" to do those things — when, in fact, many of us probably have pretty much the same amount of free time as we did when we were younger.

I think with me, a significant part of it is loneliness. When I was younger, I would fill many of my days spending time with friends and enjoying the things I loved together with them. I can still sort of do that via the Internet, but enthusing about something over a chat application is a very different feeling from having them in the same room with you, reacting in real time to the things that are happening, discussing things as they happen and, you know, laughing and having fun with one another.

I guess I'm a bit sore because it's coming up on my birthday, and for several years I hosted an event with friends around that time where we got together, ate food, enjoyed drinks and played games together as a fun little competition. Last year the response I got to such an event was rather rude, and it upset me a great deal, following a few other things that had frustrated me in past years (including one occasion where I bought a prize for the event and ended up with it returned to me), and I've not heard a peep out of the people involved for nearly a year at this point, so I guess that's that.

Still, at least I have a game of HeroQuest to look forward to tomorrow, and a trip to The Cave towards the end of the month (around my actual birthday date!) so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. Now I think I'll go see if I can finish off Resident Evil 6, and stop worrying about whether or not I've spent the bank holiday "correctly".

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#oneaday Day 626: Restless

I'm having one of those frustratingly "restless" periods when it comes to my free time at the moment. I've got a few games on the go, but somehow none of them have quite "grabbed" me completely yet. I did at least manage to finish Hyrule Warriors: Age of Imprisonment a little while back, though, so that was nice to finally get that ticked off the list.

Let's ponder the other things I've got on the go, then.

First up is Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus, which, I don't know, just hasn't clicked with me in quite the same way as some of the other entries in the series. I feel like it's succumbed a little to the "bloat" that a lot of modern games end up with, boasting myriad collectables and optional little bits and pieces to make you feel like you haven't really beaten the game unless you've done all the optional stuff. And the optional stuff just… well, it isn't really very fun. I might just plough on with the story — which I am enjoying, at least — and leave it at that. I want to punch whoever decided that the documents you find around the levels are called "Readables", though. "Documents" or "Files" would have been perfectly fine.

Next up is The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, which I actually haven't really touched since before Christmas, but I hadn't really got that far in the story with anyway. I was enjoying it a decent amount and had got a fair amount done; the thing I particularly like about that game is something I also appreciated in Breath of the Wild: at any given time, you can just start walking in a direction and you'll stumble across something interesting, with many of these things being unscripted. I like this! It works well for Zelda. But, like its predecessor, the sheer size of the game is a little overwhelming, and starting it gives one the feeling that one will never, ever finish it. But I did finish Breath of the Wild — not to 100% completion or anything, because that seems like a fool's game — and so I'm sure I can do the same with Tears of the Kingdom.

Next up is Lost Odyssey, which I've been meaning to get to for ages. I was having a real hankering for just a straightforward, conventional RPG, so I thought it was time to kick it off. I really like what I've seen so far, though the first two bosses are absolutely brutal, which gave me a certain amount of pause. I understand that these two bosses are notoriously difficult, and the game should be a bit of a smoother ride from hereon, so given that I've been enjoying what I've played so far, this is probably going to be the "priority" for the immediate future.

Then there's Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles, which I started playing at the end of last year and was enjoying, but burnt myself out on a bit by getting a little obsessive over level grinding. I don't quite feel ready to go back to that one just yet.

At the same time as all this, I also kind of fancy playing a gridder dungeon crawler. But then I worry that having too many RPGs on the go will overload my brain. So that's probably not a good idea.

I think my immediate priorities are going to be Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus to get it ticked off the list so I can write about it, and Lost Odyssey, because that's probably the thing I'm enjoying the most at the moment. Tears of the Kingdom can be my "backup" game for when I don't fancy either of those things. And I shall repeatedly tell myself not to feel any guilt if there are evenings when I just feel like going and playing Sega Master System games all night.

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#oneaday Day 536: Restlessness

I've been weirdly "restless" with regard to the games I feel like playing of late. I have a bunch of cool things on the go — Hyrule Warriors: Age of Imprisonment, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, Death end re;Quest: Code Z, Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles and probably some others I've forgotten about — but I'm having real trouble feeling settled of an evening. For the last few evenings, I've been playing nothing but Evercade games (hence yesterday's post) specifically, a combination of Spectrum classic Atic Atac (which I finished for the first time last night!), Activision 2600 games and various NEOGEO games.

And I've been having a lovely time doing so! Part of me, of course, feels like I "should" play at least one of those "big games" I have on the go, but honestly, just recently I've been feeling a tad run down, and thus some straightforward, right-to-the-point retro gaming has been pretty much what the figurative doctor ordered. Nothing to "commit" to, but something enjoyable and satisfying to engage with — and helping to broaden my experience with and appreciation of some games I might not have had the opportunity to spend a ton of time with previously.

The NEOGEO stuff is probably top of the heap in this regard. When I was young, the NEOGEO was the great legendary white whale that we only ever saw from afar (and occasionally on GamesMaster) and that no-one ever actually got to touch. Given that arcades were only really found on the seafront during my childhood and adolescence, I don't think I ever saw a NEOGEO MVS in the wild back in the day, so my sole point of reference for the machine was the fact that people talked about its cartridges costing a frankly remarkable three-figure sum each.

I always struggled to understand quite why NEOGEO games were so expensive back in the day, but I suppose a lot was riding on the fact that you were literally getting arcade-perfect games, due to the console model, the AES, having fundamentally the same guts as the MVS arcade machine. These days it seems especially absurd, given that pretty much all NEOGEO games are, as you might expect, short-form arcade-style affairs, and thus rather on the short side if you're counting "press start to end credits" as a game's "length". Can you imagine an entitled Steam reviewer pitching a fit over a game that cost £120 and lasted twenty minutes? I certainly can.

But then that's not the whole story, is it? As arcade games, NEOGEO titles were — are — inherently replayable: for high scores, for greater mastery, for competition with friends. Granted, there's probably a cap to how good you can get at something like Metal Slug or Shock Troopers, but fighters like Garou: Mark of the Wolves and the The King of Fighters series can potentially keep you busy forever if you have at least one other person to play with. When you consider it in those terms, that three-figure sum for a single game doesn't seem quite so unreasonable — particularly when you bear in mind that the three-figure sum gets you the whole damn game with no updates or DLC.

Yes, I know it's a cliché for old men like me to rail against modern games with DLC roadmaps and other such nonsense, but when you look at something like, say, The King of Fighters 2000, which has a whopping thirty-six characters in it, it's hard not to feel a bit nickel-and-dimed at modern fighting games with multiple "season passes". At the other end of the spectrum, the relatively limited playable cast of Garou: Mark of the Wolves makes it much easier to pick a single character you might want to get to know how to play a bit better, rather than overwhelming you with a huge amount of choice right from the get-go.

And then, of course, NEOGEO games don't cost three-figure sums any more, unless you're going for those original cartridges — in which case they are, as you might depressingly expect, at least three or four times their original asking price today. The NEOGEO carts for Evercade are twenty quid and have six games each — and I don't think it's a spoiler to say there's more coming next year.

So yeah. There's definitely value in these games, as "short" as they might seem to be. And apparently they're just what my brain is craving right about now. So I will continue to enjoy them for as long as my brain desires them.

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