#oneaday Day 465: Home again

We have safely returned home. It is good to see the cats again, both of whom are very pleased to see us, but it is a shame that our holiday is over. (Well, technically Andie has one more day, but she has to spend it taking her mother home, so it's not a day she's going to be able to enjoy to the fullest.) I am back to work tomorrow, and already not really looking forward to logging back in to Microsoft fucking Teams, the most depressing application you can install on any computer. But oh well. It's a living and all that.

I have, as should hopefully be abundantly clear at this point, very much enjoyed my time away. It was some very much needed rest, relaxation and complete disconnection from anything to do with the Internet aside from this here blog and MoeGamer, which I wrote a couple of things on over the course of my time off.

And it was nice! I didn't once find myself habitually reaching for my phone in the hope of checking Bluesky, which I had already removed from the device some days prior to us departing. I didn't even really check the news, RSS feeds, websites or YouTube all that much while I was away, either. It was a blissful reminder that many of us voluntarily (or by necessity) corral ourselves off into insular little pockets of existence on a daily basis, and sometimes it is helpful and healthy to break completely free of all that, remind yourself that the world is a much bigger and nicer place than anything accessible via a URL or an app might lead you to believe, and just take the time to take a bit of pleasure in your own existence, and that of the people you care about.

The main reason I'm not relishing the prospect of going back to work is that it effectively forces me back into that little bubble, though I'm not going to be reactivating my Bluesky account any time soon. It is tempting to do so just to share the things I write and the videos I make, but I know all too well that "just sharing things" all too quickly turns into that detestable dependence on social media in the search for apparent meaning to one's existence, and never finding it there.

There are people I've enjoyed chatting with on Bluesky, for sure. But I'm also thoroughly over the "public town square" model of social media, with everyone vying for attention in the same frustratingly predictable ways. As good as it is that Bluesky has mostly remained resistant to the more obnoxious end of the horrible people that now dominate Twitter, there are still plenty of odious behaviours on display over there, and I'm just so tired of it all. I feel no need to engage with it; no enjoyment from engaging with it. And so I'm just… not going to.

In an ideal world, I'd be able to disconnect completely from social media from a professional perspective, too. I would love to be able to abandon social media responsibilities for the day job because I absolutely fucking hate doing those rounds each week and feel my time could be pretty much infinitely better spent doing literally anything else. That's probably a difficult conversation I'm going to have to raise carefully, though. Something to aim for, at least.

In the meantime, it will be nice to sleep a night in my own bed again, and enjoy the dearly beloved company of my wonderful cats. They were the only thing missing from a truly heavenly week away, so it is good to be back with them.

Now, onwards to life once again.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 463: The exact opposite of clubbing

As a preamble to the following, I will grant you, dear reader, that it has almost certainly been approaching 20 years, if not more, since I went out on an excursion that one might describe as "clubbing". Since that time, I've been to pubs and bars, some of which played music too loud to be conducive to meaningful conversation with one's peers, but I have not had what, in the early 2000s, we might have referred to as "a large one" for a very long time.

That said, I do still remember the experience quite well. Right back to my teenage years, in fact, when we used to sneak into our nearest nightclub, Enigma, when we were underage. This was always a bit of a mission for me in particular, since I lived seven miles away from most of my friends, and Enigma itself was another 12 miles or so away from them. These excursions took planning, and as such, we tended to want to try and make the most of them.

Likewise, at university, we often had nights out at what one might describe as a "club", but they were mostly pokey little hole-in-the-wall places, usually built around one specific theme. The one (and as far as I'm aware, only) "big club" in Southampton was, at the time of our university attendance, known as Ikon and Diva, and it was subsequently rebranded as Oceana before being bulldozed off the face of the planet a few years back. It was, like Enigma, a bit of an Event any time we decided to go there, because it involved getting right into the city centre, while most of us lived a little further out — near the university, oddly enough.

Enigma, Ikon and Diva were all kind of shit, as I recall, but like I say, we used to like to make the most of our time there. I was often too wasted to really remember much of the specifics of what happened at these places (and the tactical approach was usually to get wasted before entering the club so you didn't have to pay its exorbitant bar prices, but not so wasted that the bouncers wouldn't let you in) but I do have vague memories of them being large complexes where people would hang out, drink and dance, and there would be multiple themed rooms. Ikon and Diva was called as such because of its two main rooms: Ikon played popular, modern dance music (typically house and trance, as I recall) while Diva was "the cheese room" where they'd play everything from '70s hits to S Club 7.

The reason I say all this is because our time at the Longleat Forest Aqua Sana spa this evening was almost the exact opposite of the clubbing experience. It's a place you spend an exorbitant amount of money to get into, just like a nightclub, and once you're in there you are free to mill around and move between various different themed rooms. But the aim at Aqua Sana, in contrast to, say, Ikon and Diva, is to get thoroughly relaxed rather than paralytically drunk and, ideally, into the pants of someone you saw for the first time that evening and thought "they're a bit of all right".

This idle thought occurred to me while I was relaxing in the "Forest Cave" room at Aqua Sana. Lying back in the heated, contoured lounger, surrounded by artificial but convincing cave walls, gazing up at the skylight and watching the sun set, I felt thoroughly at peace with the world — something that I don't think I can say with any great confidence that I ever felt while going out clubbing. In fact, as I recall, more often than not I'd get so drunk I'd get a bit maudlin at not having the confidence to ever approach anyone I had seen for the first time that evening and thought "they're a bit of all right" and, in many cases, sneaking off home without telling anyone. My least proud moment in this regard was the time when I successfully escaped from going clubbing during the walk down to the bus stop that would take us into town. Several of us doubled back and played Half-Life using the free phone connections between our rooms instead.

Anyway, all this is an exceedingly long-winded way of saying that Andie and I had a thoroughly agreeable time at the Aqua Sana today. We tried most of the 24 "spa experiences" that were available to us, and both of us determined that we like saunas and steam rooms a lot more than we both thought we did. Turns out neither of us had ever really been to a good sauna or steam room, with our respective experiences mostly consisting of hotel saunas (a shed in the corner of the car park) and steam rooms (a hot cupboard next to the swimming pool) rather than, y'know, somewhere that does it properly.

And man, it sure is nice to just relax. You're not allowed to take your phone in to the spa, thank goodness, so all there is to do is just sit back, relax, perhaps reflect on a few things, maybe even have a nap. There are, in fact, several rooms set aside specifically for napping, and while I think it might be a bit of a waste of your entry fee to go along to a place like Aqua Sana and just nap in one of these rooms, I also wouldn't blame anyone who did.

You have a lot of options in that regard, too. As well as the aforementioned Forest Cave, which is a prime nap spot so long as your bladder isn't susceptible to the sound of trickling water, there was another room downstairs that was just pretty dark and filled with contoured, heated loungers, then in a room beyond that a room with straight-up water beds. There were several other rooms with comfy sofas and beds to use, too; we tried most of them during our visit, and the thought only occurred to us after we'd been there a while that we wondered how many people per year got thrown out for boning. (No-one was, to our knowledge, engaging in such activities while we were there, even though there were plenty of couples, like us, sharing the beds.)

So all in all, it was very nice. And, as a fat, unfit fortysomething, spending £75 for four hours of chilling out in nice-smelling hot rooms and then being provided with beds and other comfy things to nap on sounds infinitely preferable to spending an indeterminate amount of money getting pissed in a darkened room, being unable to have a conversation with anyone without yelling, having to negotiate drunken strangers and having to moderate one's alcohol intake to find the perfect balance between being pleasantly wobbly, maudlin and vomity vomity.

We're already making idle plans to come again next year. This was a good choice. Well done, me.

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#oneaday Day 462: A disconnected day in the forest

Hello! Apologies for the belated entry, but we had no Internet yesterday evening and I didn't much fancy trying to post something on one tenuous bar of "H" signal. We tried rebooting the router and everything, but it was just buggered for some reason — perhaps due to the storm that passed over in the evening. The thunder was so loud we actually thought someone was setting off fireworks; we didn't realise it was actually thunder until we opened the patio doors and heard what it actually was. Apparently the double-glazing is pretty good.

We've had a cat come to visit the lodge a couple of times. At least we think it's the same cat. Andie looked it up this morning and apparently there are a bunch of semi-feral cats living on the site, presumably to help keep rodent populations under control and suchlike. It was a very cute cat (or cats), though, and the fact it came right up to the patio window to stare in at us made us think that it's probably made a bit of a habit of introducing itself to guests in the hopes of getting something tasty. Seems like a pretty cushy job to me.

Today, as I've mentioned a couple of times, it's our session at the Aqua Sana spa. I'm looking forward to this, as the 24 themed "experiences" sound like they'll be thoroughly pleasant. I'm not generally super big on saunas and steam rooms, but that's not all there is — there's also an outdoor pool, which I presume will be nice and warm, and I'm particularly interested to check out things like the forest-themed relaxation room, the "ice cave" and various other areas that look conducive to just lying back and doing absolutely bugger all in, all in the name of relaxation. I shall be sure to report on my experiences later this evening when we get back.

We're enjoying staying a little longer than we usually do here. On previous trips, we've stayed Monday to Friday, which means we basically only get three full days on the site. You can use the facilities all day on Monday and Friday, but without the accommodation for a significant chunk of those days, it's not quite the same. It was very nice to not have to be part of the Friday rush to get off the site; instead, we get to be part of the Monday rush instead. I suspect that might not be so bad, though, because although some people stay for a very short break over a weekend (Friday to Monday) I would guess that most people take the Monday to Friday option.

We haven't done a ton of activities this time around, and that is absolutely fine with me. Last time I came here, I noted how nice it was to just bum around and do "normal" things somewhere other than your own house, and indeed that is the case here, too. I've played through Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore on Switch and am currently playing through Ara Fell, an excellent RPG. I'll have lots to say about both of those on MoeGamer sometime soon. I might even write up Arzette while I'm here, but not right this second. I stopped just before a tough battle in Ara Fell last night, and I'm keen to see it through.

So with that in mind, it's off to battle I go — and later, off to the spa with us, because we're middle-aged, and that's what you do when you're middle-aged. Fine by me, I say. We're having a lovely time.

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#oneaday Day 461: A peaceful day in the forest

We've had a nice, quiet day today. After a lovely cooked breakfast, we thought we'd just spend a leisurely time in the pool today, so that's exactly what we did. The outdoor "Sprudel pool" had been out of action for the last few days and it was up and running again today, so that's where we spent most of our time. For the unfamiliar, the Sprudel pool (which I believe is German or possibly Dutch for "jacuzzi") is just an outdoor pool with pleasantly warm water. It also leads to the Wild Water Rapids slide-type thing, but there's also just plenty of space to enjoy the warm water and that distinctive feeling of being in the water, but outside.

There's also a cold plunge pool ("cold" meaning "anywhere from 10-19 degrees Celsius") that, on a previous visit, I discovered is indeed very cold, but it also makes getting back in to the warm water of the Sprudel pool very pleasant indeed. I didn't fancy it much this time, though, so I just stayed in the warm water in the first place.

My arms are proper knackered though. I think I may have been a bit too ambitious too soon with the gym, so I had today off and I will probably have tomorrow off also. I don't want to do myself a mischief, and I have had a decent amount of exercise today, between some swimming around and a fair bit of walking. Of course, most health benefits were probably undone by the delicious cake we had for our dessert this evening, but we're on holiday. Dieting and all that boring stuff can wait until we get home. And the relaxation while I'm away is actually getting me feeling fairly determined about all that stuff, so I will be diving back into weight loss with renewed… I'm not sure if enthusiasm is the word, but at least determination will suffice.

Tomorrow our plan is to go and have brunch at The Pancake House, which is a self-explanatory restaurant, and then we'll likely head back to the pool for a bit. We have a session booked at the "Aqua Sana" spa on Saturday, as I noted yesterday, and I'm looking forward to that. We're not having any expensive treatments or anything like that; we're just paying up for one of the 4-hour "Spa Experience" sessions, where they just let you loose in their 24 themed rooms to chill out, relax and enjoy yourself — and they feed you, too. It's £150 for the two of us for those four hours, so it's not a cheap day out, but since this holiday is basically a celebration of our tenth wedding anniversary (and we had some generous monetary gifts in that regard) we figured we might as well splurge on something that we might not otherwise have the chance or the inclination to partake in.

Anyway, I'm a cola cider and half a big bottle of Hooch deep so I think it's time for bed. I'm not pissed or anything, but I am feeling pleasantly relaxed. Here's to another lovely day tomorrow, and onwards to further fun and frolics in the forest.

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#oneaday Day 460: A rainy day in the forest

It has rained most of today. I'm not complaining; it's been nice for the heat that we've been enduring for the past few months to break, and I've always been rather fond of the look and feel of a forest during the rain, particularly if you have a decent amount of shelter and/or the appropriate clothing to protect you — both of which we have, because we are English, and we are always prepared for torrential downpours, even in the height of summer.

It's been a relatively unremarkable day today, and that's just fine with me. I went down to the gym earlier and did a bit of stuff there, then caught the "land train" back to near our accommodation. The term "land train" always seems a bit redundant; most trains go on land. What they really mean here is "road train", given that it's a train that goes on roads rather than rails. Regardless of what they call it, though, it's a nice way of getting around the forest, and means you don't have to walk everywhere. This is good, because the site here is pretty large, and the topography varies quite wildly in one particular area, so it's nice to be able to jump on something that means you don't have to stagger up steep hills after, say, doing a workout that your body really isn't used to.

We spent much of the rest of the day in the lodge. I played Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore, which I've had on my shelf for a while, and seemed like a nice holiday game. I reckon I could have probably polished the whole thing off in an afternoon, but I've called it a day for now, so there's a bit left to play tomorrow.

I haven't taken many photos as yet — while I love the forest surroundings, I tend to find that one shot of a bunch of trees tends to look like every other shot of a bunch of trees if you take too many, but if you're curious, here's a few little photos for you to enjoy:

This is a photo of a bunch of trees, as taken from the aforementioned "land train". While there is a lot of accommodation here, it's integrated very nicely into the forest, so there's usually at least one direction you can look in and see nothing but trees. Very nice indeed.

Here's where we're staying. It's an "Executive Lodge", which means it's slightly posher than the one we stayed in last time. That means it's a bit roomier, it has two toilets (one for pooing!) and a bubbly jacuzzi "hydrobath" in the bathroom. This is a noisy thing that… well, it makes your bath bubble like you're perpetually farting in it, but it's nice and relaxing for brief periods, particularly when combined with something relaxing in the water like a bath bomb. Andie and I have a tradition of stopping by Lush before a trip to Center Parcs and grabbing a few bath bombs to enjoy while we're here — I have indeed been doing just that for the past couple of days.

Here's a mildly artful shot by Andie showing a regular visitor to our patio (we absolutely, definitely haven't encouraged this with the judicious application of walnuts) framed by an empty glass and some Peperami ketchup bottles. (The Firestick one is really good!) According to Andie, the squirrel's name is Susan, though we don't actually know what its gender is, because we don't know how to tell that in squirrels. The Sword in the Stone led me to believe that lady squirrels had long eyelashes and sobbed over their loved ones, but I have seen no evidence of this.

Oh! And yes, I watched The Black Cauldron last night. As expected, it deviated significantly from the plots of the first two Chronicles of Prydain books, but it stood quite nicely as a story in its own right, so long as you don't get too sniffy about certain details of it. In the books, for example, Taran is completely unable to wield the magic sword Dyrnwyn, but in the movie he unleashes its full power with no difficulty whatsoever. Also, the one who sacrifices themselves to finally destroy the Cauldron once and for all at the end is completely different between the book and film, too, largely because the movie is a strange hodgepodge of influences from those first two books, discarding significant amounts of both in favour of making one nicely standalone movie.

In a way, I think this is probably for the best. We've all seen what happens when one story gets stretched out over multiple movies — be it whatever the fuck the Marvel cinematic universe is doing these days, or even the numerous Peter Jackson Tolkien adaptations. You can go a bit far in that regard; Disney's approach of acknowledging that books and animated movies are very different forms of media and thus have different requirements to tell their stories seemed to work well.

Anyway, we're hoping to get up at a reasonable hour and go for a swim tomorrow. We've also booked a session at the ultra-posh "Aqua Sana" spa for Saturday, so that will be a particularly luxurious opportunity to rest, relax and enjoy ourselves. In between, I'm sure we'll occupy ourselves appropriately. With that in mind, it's probably a good time to head bedwards for me!

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#oneaday Day 459: First full day away

After that curious no-man's land that is the first day of one's holiday yesterday — the period where you spend most of your time travelling and getting settled — today was our first full day of rest and relaxation. And it's been thoroughly pleasant. We haven't done very much, but I have certainly enjoyed what we have done so far — and the day isn't over yet.

I promised myself before we went away that I would try and be at least a little bit active while we were away. I am really feeling every one of my years and every one of my stones right now, so I made a little commitment to myself: I would buy the £15 gym pass for while we were here, and I'd go and do a little something each day. I also (correctly) determined that the walk to and from the complex where the gym is would almost certainly be adequate cardio, so that would leave me free to focus on some strength training, which is probably what I really need at this point.

As it turned out, the signposts pointing to the "sports plaza" where the gym is told me a little white lie: while the Center Parcs app suggested a walking route that was less than a mile, the way the signposts took me actually ended up being a whole lot longer. Not a terrible thing from a health perspective, but a slight shock to the system when I was expecting something a little shorter. In total I reckon it was probably about a mile and a half rather than the 0.7 miles I was expecting — I know for "fit" folks that probably doesn't sound like very much, but believe me when I say my body is in a right old state.

The gym here is tiny, but it was also completely deserted when I went there, which was absolutely fine by me, as it meant I could take my time over the exercises I wanted to do, and wouldn't have to feel self-conscious about anything other than the full-length mirror that allowed me to gaze upon my disgusting carcass in its entirety while doing exercises. Oh well. The very fact I was in the gym should make me feel a little better about things, as at least I'm taking some steps — and my thinking is that if I can smash through that initial "wall" of resistance to exercise while I'm here and have no other stressors or distractions to worry about, I will hopefully be able to maintain some better habits when we get back home, too.

Thus far it has just been nice to be away. No notifications from Microsoft Teams, no social media garbage, no Discord, no people PMing me for customer service issues. I needed this escape, and I feel like I need to make a few changes at work when I get back. Those are things to consider on my return, though. In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy this pleasant forest retreat, the lovely surroundings, the wildlife that occasionally comes to visit, the swimming pool, the private bubbly bath we have and, of course, the good food. All of life's worries can wait until after I get back.

After all, that's what a holiday is supposed to be about, right?

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#oneaday Day 387: A weekend off

I didn't get around to making any videos. Well, that's a partial lie: I got some scripts done for quite a few, I just didn't record any. It's still very warm, I was feeling pretty tired, and I just didn't want to. So rather than feeling guilty about it, I just enjoyed the weekend, relaxed, played with my cats, played some Xenoblade Chronicles X (I'm finally into the new Definitive Edition story material) and just had a generally nice time.

Andie and I have also booked a holiday for later in the year. We're off to Center Parcs again, because it's a holiday destination we both like very much, and we were given some very generous tenth wedding anniversary gifts from both our respective sets of parents, so we're spending a hefty chunk of them on a nice holiday. While on previous visits, we've only gone Monday to Friday, this time we're going Monday to Monday. It's a lot more expensive to do that, but it also means you have a lot more time to unwind, relax and generally have fun.

We're going to the Longleat Forest site this time. We've been to this one a couple of times, as well as the Elveden Forest one. The Elveden Forest site has some nice memories for me, as it's the one I went to with my parents a couple of times as a kid — though of course it's changed quite a bit since then — but Longleat is a bit closer and arguably a bit nicer. We've lucked out with our accommodation, too; despite not paying up for the option to choose where your lodge is, we're in the "central" area which is not very far away from the main plaza area where most of the shops and restaurants are, so that will be nice. We're still getting an old lady-style wheelie bag to carry the shopping in, though, because balls to carrying heavy groceries on foot. We learned that to our cost last time!

So that's something to look forward to in September, which isn't really that far away now. We're nearly at the end of June, after all, which means just over two months until we can escape from It All for a bit and enjoy some quiet time in the forest. I'm really looking forward to it.

The world is a terrible and awful place right now, and it's very, very easy to feel overwhelmed by it all. So I'm very much looking forward to a week of not having to think about all the horrible things that exist in this world, and just enjoying myself. It is an important thing to allow yourself that time every so often, even if you're a committed "activist" for a cause (which I most certainly am not), because if you don't allow yourself that time to unwind, you're just doing yourself a disservice, and quite possibly mental harm in the process, too.

So yeah. The countdown to holiday has begun, and I'm sure the knowledge that I get to escape for a bit is going to make the next couple of months of work fly by! At least I hope so. It's been a difficult few months, for reasons I won't get into now (nothing to worry about, it would just be unprofessional of me to comment on specifics in such a public place) but I think, I think we're getting over the worst of it now. In fact, we're already starting to get ahead of schedule with stuff planned for next year! How exciting.

Anyway. My Sunday is rapidly disappearing, and I want to go and play some video games before I get to bed at a vaguely reasonable hour. So, on that note, good night — and remember: book yourself some holiday, even if you don't go anywhere. Time off is important!

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#oneaday Day 254: Nothing Much

I've had a nice quiet weekend that has been almost entirely occupied with Xenoblade Chronicles. I thought about making some videos, but decided that I didn't really have the mental fortitude to sort that out, so I have just had a completely relaxing weekend where I thought about nothing of any importance whatsoever, and just enjoyed myself.

This is a valuable thing to do now and again, particularly if you are feeling any sort of burnout or stress, which I most certainly have been of late. Honestly, I feel like I am starting to come out of the other side of the funk I've been in for the last while. I'm not completely out of it by any means just yet — and I'm sure the first time I look at social media for work on Monday I will suffer a mental health setback — but I am feeling a bit better, partly for having spent some time just relaxing, partly for having got some things off my chest with the post the other day, and partly… well, these things just pass eventually, usually.

That, honestly, is one of the things that's kept me holding on through difficult times — the knowledge that "this, too, shall pass". It always has done. Sometimes there have had to be difficult decisions made in order to encourage this, too, to indeed pass, but for the most part, just gritting your teeth and hanging on in there generally allows one to pass any number of this, toos, that might find themselves coming your way. And thankfully this most recent bout of the blues appears to have fallen into that category.

One thing I try to do when I'm feeling low is to ponder the things I do have that I should be — and am — grateful for. I'm not saying that just because you have things to be grateful for that you shouldn't be sad, of course — processing one's emotions is important and healthy — but rather, I think I'm saying that when things get hopeless I find it helpful to remember that I do not, in fact, have nothing, and that as difficult as it can be to appreciate that when you're down the bottom of a depression hole, those things you do have are a welcome sight when you eventually clamber back out.

That was a tortured metaphor, I know, but I'm just bashing things out on fumes here. Early night tonight and an attempt to get back into a routine of feeling like a vaguely normal human being. I don't know if I'm quite ready to return to the super-early mornings and going for a walk down to the shop, but I can at least look to tomorrow with good intentions if nothing else.

I hope you've had a pleasant and appropriately relaxing weekend, and that your week ahead isn't looking too stressful or chaotic. I am very much ready for a break, but I have a couple of weeks to get through before I can enjoy that break. That's feeling eminently doable at this point, though, so here's to Getting Back Into Things.

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