#oneaday, Day 154: Person Specification

I applied for eleven jobs today. Most of them were in similar fields and required similar skills, but irritatingly, most of them were different enough from one another to demand a different cover letter focusing on different aspects of the "person specification". By the end of the whole miserable experience I felt like I'd said absolutely everything about myself in every possible way it is possible to say it. Or at least every possible way it's possible to say it in a way appropriate for a job application. There's something of an expectation for more "formal" language when applying for jobs, and it's easy to fall into the trap of babbling on about being "passionate" and "dedicated" without actually really meaning either of those things. I believe I avoided that particular problem, but it's still a pain to have to "hold back" at times.

So tonight's #oneaday, then, is my unedited personal statement that isn't for any employers. It's for me, and no-one else. Except the last bit. Which is for anyone who wants to hire an awesome person.

I'm Pete. I'm a computer geek, writer and musician, and I also like video games. I stay up late in the evening to work on things that other people wouldn't bother with because I'm that sort of person. I like working on new projects, particularly creative ones, as the last 154 days of this blog will clearly demonstrate. While working on something that demands consistency rather than quality doesn't always produce the best results, I think that my dedication to the project as a whole, even when through suffering what I firmly believe is the absolute worst time of my life ever, has been a stand-out example of how great I really am.

I love to write. I can spell, I can punctuate and I can write in lots of different styles. The style I use on my blog here is a conversational one. I sometimes break the rules a bit in the name of humour or characterisation. But I know how to use English properly, too. The other sites I've written for in the past each demand very different styles due to their different audiences. Over the years, I've written for teenage console gamers (the Official Nintendo Magazine), twentysomething PC gamers (PC Zone), parents with child gamers (WhatTheyPlay), older gamers with a fondness for older games (Good Old Games) and current games enthusiasts who like to stay abreast of what the industry is up to (Kombo). And numerous others besides. I've found it pretty easy to adapt my style to each of these sites, and believe that's another example of me being pretty great, really.

I can play the piano, too. I may not be a proper bonafide virtuoso like some people I know, but I can play things well, with expression and emotion. I can channel the things I'm feeling into what I'm playing, so I can really get the emotions of the music across, with a personal twist. I'm a great sight-reader, too, and can pick up a lot of piano pieces very quickly without having to practice a lot. Okay, if they're difficult, they might not sound great right away, but they will at least be recognisable.

I can type at 85 words per minute. This means I can churn out writing incredibly quickly, and accurately too. This skill was very helpful during E3 week, when we had to get stories up on Kombo in a matter of minutes in many cases. I managed to hammer out some good quality articles just a few minutes after they happened. This, too, is pretty awesome.

I'm also a great friend. I'm patient, calm and understanding in most cases, but I'll defend the people I love and the things I care about to the death. I'm a great listener and will always empathise with someone else's plight, even if I don't really like them, or even if they've wronged me in the past. I'll never deliberately cause someone hurt or upset because doing so makes me feel bad too. I believe that this is one of my best qualities, and I'd hope that my friends agree.

Generally speaking, then, I'm a pretty good person who has a lot to offer the world. So, basically, if you're reading this and you need someone awesome on your team, whatever you might be doing (so long as it's not something pointless and boring) you should definitely hire me and pay me a generous salary and benefits package. And give me a company car.

Because, frankly, I think I deserve all that stuff after everything that I've had to put up with. I know my problems pale in comparison to some people – everyone has an example of someone who's worse off – but speaking purely selfishly, I think, no, I know that I deserve some things to go well. So why don't you help me out a bit?

#oneaday, Day 153: Hopeless Romantic

I watched the finale of The Office for the first time in ages tonight. That's the original UK version of The Office, for the curious, meaning that the finale was the second part of the series' Christmas special. I am totally going to spoil the shit out of that episode, so if you're one of the very few people who haven't seen it before and care, you might want to skip this post.

The chemistry between Tim and Dawn is the centrepiece of The Office's narrative. Everyone remembers David Brent and his stupid Comic Relief dance, but it's really a story about two people trying desperately to find one another and always seeming to have something in the way.

The tension between Tim and Dawn is built up throughout the course of the show's two seasons marvellously. The pair of them hang out together a lot, they joke around, they share a mutual love of making office douchebag Gareth's life a misery and it's abundantly clear that both of them are completely smitten with one another. And yet neither of them are able to say the words to make it happen. Dawn because she has a fiancé (yes, that is the correct spelling for the male partner, I checked and everything) who is woefully inappropriate for her. Tim because despite his sweet nature, he lacks in self-confidence thanks to his life situation.

In fact, that's not quite accurate. Throughout the course of the main series, Tim does ask Dawn out twice and she flat out says no. The most heartbreaking of these moments is at the end of the second season where Tim, in the middle of a "talking head" shot, speaking to the "documentary crew" who are supposedly filming the show, tears off his microphone, goes to tell Dawn how he really feels and gets knocked back. The audience don't hear this exchange, we just see it through a window, partially obscured by a blind. It's a genuinely heartbreaking moment to witness.

Throughout the series, Dawn in particular makes a point of touching Tim, whether it's a light brush on the arm, or holding his face tenderly while she gives him a kiss "for Comic Relief". Whatever she says out loud, her actions say something different, much louder.

So when she returns from Florida in the Christmas special, some years after the original two seasons, it's clear that Tim still has feelings for her and wishes things had gone differently. Yet throughout the course of the two finale episodes, it becomes clear that Tim has no idea how to go about dealing with this situation, particularly as the fiancé is still on the scene and never far away from Dawn during their time together.

In what appears to be their final moment together, I really feel for Tim. He is talking to Dawn, clearly struggling for what to say. He does a big and obviously fake cough at one point, and stares after her as she leaves, looking around the office, obviously completely crushed inside but not wanting to show it at all.

And then a little while later, the real ending happens. Dawn, riding in the back seat of a taxi, her fiancé asleep in the front, opens her "Secret Santa" present, which it transpires is an incredibly thoughtful gift from Tim. It moves her to tears.

We cut back to Tim, who is still at the office's Christmas party, obviously trying to have a good time and not really succeeding, when Dawn reappears unexpectedly, grabs him and kisses him. It's such a beautiful moment and a wonderful feeling of "resolution" for the series. A genuinely happy ending.

In the meantime, while all this is happening, we've also seen the comically tragic figure of David Brent growing as a person more in the space of half an hour than he managed in three years thanks to a special someone. By the end of the whole thing, we have felt sympathy for someone who initially seemed to be odious and annoying; and we have felt hope for his redemption.

In short, the whole thing is a fine example of how to do a finale perfectly. Wrap up every little loose end and make it very clear that "This. Is. The. End." And that doesn't have to mean a main character dying, or the world ending, or anything like that. A simple resolution of the threads that have been running throughout the series is all that's needed for a satisfying conclusion.

I love this ending for several reasons. Firstly, I just love a happy ending. Secondly, I feel for Tim, and Dawn for that matter. I've experienced the situation they've been in and know how difficult it can be, and how wonderful those few tiny little gestures can feel. To see two people who obviously deserve to be together finally get together is utterly heartwarming and never fails to bring a smile to my face. And it ends there – we don't need to see "what happens next", whether it works out, any of that – that's the end of their story.

In case you hadn't noticed, I am a sucker for a happy ending. Particularly a romantic happy ending.

There's some games that have done this sort of thing well, too. The Persona series is particularly good at it thanks to the Social Link system that runs through the last two entries in the series. Each Social Link is a complete story in and of itself, with the player's character being someone who is there for someone else during a period of change, growth or hardship. With the games centred on teenage life in Japan, sometimes this is as simple as a character growing up and learning something about themselves. At other times, it is about a burgeoning romance. At others still, it is about someone accepting a fate which is coming for them, like a terminal illness. But by far the most satisfying thing about those games was not necessarily reaching the end (though the endings to both are awesome) but reaching the resolution of these little mini-stories throughout. Seeing other people brought to a state of happiness by the actions (or simple presence) of another is a good feeling, and Persona, like The Office, plays on that pleasant feeling beautifully.

Did I seriously just compare Persona to The Office? That's late-night writing for you. Oh well. There you have it!

#oneaday, Day 152: After Midnight

What is it about the middle of the night that brings the mind to life so? Whether it is dwelling on the incidents of the day – good or bad – or feverishly expressing some sort of creative muse, the hours after midnight always seem like the perfect time to do this. For me, at least.

Or perhaps it's not necessarily the hour, but simply that time when your body relaxes and your brain realises it has no pesky motor functions to take care of. In other words, it's free to think.

Whether or not your brain feels it necessary to sit and think a while depends on what came immediately before, of course. Spend a busy day doing activities that exhaust your body and mind and you'll probably drop straight to sleep. But have an evening that's just pleasant and you'll have some time to reflect on that pleasantness before sleep. Similarly, negative events often monopolise the brain, particularly when it doesnt have anything better to think about.

Perhaps it's the mind keeping score, a mental totting up of the goods and bads. Awarding of XP. Achievement unlocked. That sort of thing.

Or perhaps I just find it more difficult to get to sleep than some other people and I'm just making this nonsense up to make myself feel better.

Either way, I wish you a very good night.

#oneaday, Day 151: Lawful Good

I am Lawful Good. I play Chaotic Good whenever I play D&D because it's the most fun way to be Good, but in reality I am Lawful Good. I don't like breaking laws, rules, anything like that, and I'll go out of my way to ensure I do things "properly". I like to help other people, and I like to make sure that they're happy and safe.

So when a temptation to do something from outside that alignment presents an opportunity, I find it very difficult, and usually impossible, to take it. Even if the action in question is justifiable.

I'll present a hypothetical example. Let's say you saw, I don't know, let's say a Facebook status message that riled you somehow. Perhaps you know it's a lie. Perhaps you want to add something to the conversation that the person who posted it wouldn't want you to. Or perhaps you want to say something that you know is true, but will hurt the other person. Some people would be able to just post that message, say their piece, whatever they need to do. But because I know that doing so will have consequences, and will make someone else feel bad – even though I'm not a particular fan of the person in question and probably shouldn't care whether or not it makes them feel bad – I won't do it.

Sure, being this way makes me a super-nice person. But it also means that things that potentially need to be said get left unsaid. Making snarky comments often doesn't achieve anything, but at the same time, keeping things bottled up inside isn't good, either.

I even find it difficult to respond to someone who insults me directly. You've heard the examples of the assholes in the street who think it's amusing to yell stuff at me. One time I managed a barely-audible "fuck you" at the passing piece of shit, and nothing happened. Even thinking about saying that caused me a considerable amount of anxiety, though, as I felt I had no right to say that. Weird, non?

There are those who say that in order to get ahead, you have to be ruthless, or at least assertive. One of the steps along that path is saying what you mean and then dealing with the consequences when they happen; not refusing to say anything in fear of any potential consequences, most of which probably won't happen.

This whole post is an example of overthinking things. The hypothetical situation above of course happened, and two people out of the, err, two I spoke to thought I should have posted the snarky comment that I really wanted to. But I haven't, and I won't. Because being Lawful Good won't let me do such a thing.

#oneaday, Day 150: Milestone

[PETE takes the stage. He walks up to the podium, not looking at the audience, not least because he isn't really expecting anyone to be out there.]

PETE: (squinting at the bright lights in his face) Good evening everyone. Thank you for coming. It's a real pleasure to see you all here. Even if the bright lights on the stage mean that I can't actually see any of you. Regardless, it's a pleasure to know you're out there.

[PETE pulls out an old-style white plastic Apple Remote and clicks it at the screen. Nothing happens. He clicks it again.]

PETE: Oh, right. (pulls out iPhone and starts Keynote Remote app) There we go.

[A slide with the big number "150" appears on the screen.]

PETE: One hundred and fifty days ago, I joined a very exclusive club. A small collective of bloggers who made a very simple pledge: to wake up each day and, at some point before they got into bed and fell asleep at the end of the night, to write something on their blogs every day. This "something" didn't have to be good. It didn't have to make sense. It didn't have to be "for" anyone. The purpose of the exercise was twofold.

[PETE taps his iPhone. The next slide appears with a crude stick-figure drawing of him sitting at a writers' desk, scribbling in a book.]

PETE: One: to prove we could do it. To prove that it was possible to express your creative side at least once every single day, even if the final product was complete garbage.

[PETE taps his iPhone again. A crude drawing of him with a thought-bubble above his head appears.]

PETE: And two, to awaken those otherwise-latent skills that we all possess. Those skills of creativity, and imagination. Those skills to spin a magical tale with words, whether it's about actual magical things like unicorns and robots and monsters even though robots aren't really "magical" as such, or about the mundanities of everyday life.

[PETE taps his iPhone, this time with a flourish. Another crude drawing appears, this time showing several faces displaying different emotions.]

PETE: (starting to pace across the stage away from the lectern like a university lecturer) Sometimes these posts are funny. Sometimes they are silly. Sometimes they are nonsensical. Sometimes they are serious. Sometimes they are angry. And sometimes they are very sad. (stops and faces the audience, spreading hands wide, a bit like Jesus but less religious) All of them are valid expressions of something. All of them reflect the essence of that day. Even if they don't mention anything about what happened.

[PETE taps his iPhone. An image of a calendar appears on the screen.]

PETE: (pacing back towards the lectern) 150 days might not be a huge proportion of your life in the grand scheme of things. But a significant number of things can happen. In the one hundred and fifty days since I started posting on here every day, many things have happened. When I began on the 19th of January 2010, I wasn't to know it, but I was at a crossroads in my life.

[PETE reaches the lectern and leans on it in a Phoenix Wright style.]

PETE: I wasn't to know that some one hundred and five days after I began that my whole world would be brought crashing down. I can't pretend that I wasn't expecting it to happen, but I wasn't expecting it to happen in quite the way it did. Nor was I prepared for the amount of pain it would cause, and still does.

[PETE slams his hands on the desk, clearly channelling everyone's favourite Ace Attorney.]

PETE: But I wasn't about to give up. I felt like shit. I was angry. I wanted to destroy things. (slams fist on desk and hunches over it like Edgeworth when he gets pissy) I wanted people to hurt. I wanted people to hurt as much as I do, and more so, so they'd understand. (pauses, stands, calmer) I still do feel these things, sometimes more than ever. But I was not going to give up, and am not going to give up.

[PETE taps his iPhone, and a crudely-drawn stick figure image of several different people appears on the screen.]

PETE: New people came into my life at just the right time. They helped me understand things, to see some good in myself at a time when all was darkness. They gave me courage, gave me strength, spurred me on to try new things. Other friends proved themselves to be true friends instead of just acquaintances. The disastrous collapse of one relationship led to a new-found closeness in many others.

[PETE taps his iPhone again, and a photograph of PAX East appears.]

PETE: Right as I reached the point of no return at this crossroads – it had one-way streets in all directions – I discovered something. That it's OK to be me. As I set off down the road I'm still on – which is winding, twisting, turning and regularly plummets into a crevasse – I was a new person. Or rather a person I'd always been. But more aware of it.

[PETE points out into the audience dramatically.]

PETE: One thing you can always be sure of in these last one hundred and fifty days is that it's been all me, for better or worse.

[PETE slams his fist on the desk again.]

PETE: And one of the things that one of the new people in my life taught me, or should I say reminded me, was that not everyone goes together. Not everyone likes everyone else. If we did, sure, it'd be easier. But that's not the way the world works, either on a tiny person-to-person scale, or on a huge nation-to-nation, culture-to-culture scale. And acceptance of that fact is what makes living that little bit easier.

[PETE taps his iPhone. A picture of a chav appears on the screen.]

PETE: I don't like this guy. He's a twat. He thinks I'm a twat, too, and thinks it's amusing to insult me in the street even though I'd never seen or spoken to him before in my life.

[PETE taps his iPhone again. The image shatters.]

PETE: But it doesn't matter. He is long gone. (pauses) Not dead. I didn't kill him. Though I quite wanted to at the time. No. I have never seen him again since. And if he can't deal with who I am, then he can go fuck himself.

[PETE emerges from behind the lectern again.]

PETE: Given that the eventual goal for everyone involved in this little experiment is to write something every day for a year, the number one hundred and fifty is actually not all that important. Halfway through day one hundred and eighty-two? That's important. That's the halfway mark. But one hundred and fifty? It's a symbol. A milestone. Perhaps a new beginning, perhaps not. No-one can say. All I can say is: thanks for being there every day.

[PETE pauses for a moment.]

PETE: Also, you can blame Alex Connolly for telling me to make a speech. Good night everybody.

#oneaday, Day 149: Games are Cool

After spending the last couple of evenings covering E3's press conferences for Kombo.com and discussing all things gamey over at the Squadron of Shame Squawkbox, I've come to a conclusion.

Games are cool.

Whatever you might think of Kinect, PlayStation Move, the Nintendo 3DS, the million-and-one first-person shooters on display, Assassin's Creed, Child of Eden, Ubisoft's DRM policies or fitness games, one thing is clear.

Games are cool. And they're here to stay.

There's always a lot of cynicism around at E3 time, particularly when new technology is shown off. Especially if said new technology appears to be somewhat gimmicky, or limited in its practical applications. But the flip side of all the more outlandish stuff we've seen so far is that it's a symbol of the diversification of the "gaming" genre. Games are no longer the sole preserve of the spotty, overweight, greasy-haired teenage boy who would rather lock himself in his room than go out and meet people. Though those people still exist. I am one of them. Sometimes, at least.

No, rather, we're getting to the stage now where there's something for everyone. I was interviewed for a position at a major chain of games retailers today, and one of the things I was asked about was whether I'd be comfortable selling something like a Wii game – you know, those interminable collections of minigames. Babysitting Party, that sort of thing. I could answer with some confidence that yes, I would, because I know people that those games would appeal to. They're not "gamers", they're not the sort of people who would be sitting around in their pants watching E3 press conferences (you know who you are) and they probably wouldn't even consider themselves part of the gaming community. But they're still there, and it's great that they are. They might never "graduate" onto more "hardcore" games, but that doesn't matter either. Who says you have to? If you enjoy reading but you find great literature tough going are you forced to "graduate" from pulp novels to Dostoyevsky? No. (Unless you're doing an English degree.) So it should be that if you enjoy Wii Play with friends, you shouldn't be obliged to end up playing Gears of War.

The barrier for entry to the world of games as an entertainment medium is now practically non-existent. Very little in the way of technical knowledge is required to get started, save the ability to plug things into the right holes in your TV. There's no arbitrary rules to follow – Atari users will remember holding down the "Option" key while they turned their system on fondly, for example – and there's no complicated things to learn. The experience is becoming more and more intuitive, and with technologies like Kinect, whatever you may think of its real-world applications, we're getting closer and closer to a world where absolutely everyone, regardless of age, gender and technical ability can enjoy interactive entertainment without feeling stigmatised.

We're not quite there yet. Games still do have a bit of a stigma to shake off. There are subcultures within the larger group who let us all down a bit. But they have just as much right to exist and enjoy what they enjoy as the sort of person who buys Job Island for the Wii.

Gaming is no longer a thing for just one specific group of people to enjoy. It is – or at least should be – something that absolutely everyone can enjoy on their own terms.

Games are cool. And if you close yourself off to that completely like some people choose to, you're denying yourself a whole world of entertainment.

#oneaday, Day 148: We Live In The Future

Screw this motion control crap – I just watched a press conference on the other side of the world while lying in bed with my phone.

That was a tweet from Alex Martin that I received a few minutes ago. And when I think about what I've done today, it's pretty clear that we are most definitely living in the future.

I started my day feeling a bit lonely as I hadn't seen any actual real people for a little while. So I went out to the coffee shop and took my netbook with me. While I was there, I gratuitously solicited questions for my Formspring account (which people were more than happy to furnish me with) and also dropped in on the freshly-created Squadron of Shame Squawkbox.

I ended up sitting in that coffee shop for about four hours, discussing things with people from all over the world – some deep and profound, other things less so. Then it was time to come home, because as part of my job as a News Editor for Kombo.com I was on the "home team" for the E3 coverage.

I'm gutted that I'm not actually at E3. But the experience I've had throughout the course of this evening is the next best thing. I've had IM windows open with people frantically telling me to cover stories. I've had the Squawkbox open to see the Squad's reactions. And I've had Twitter open to see everyone else's reactions. As sad as it sounds, despite sitting on my own in my study in front of the computer, I've not been alone tonight. There have been many people with me, all following the same things, watching the live streams on their computers. It's as if we were all in the audience together, making sly comments to one another.

Whenever Microsoft showed off the ability to watch, say, Netflix movies as an Xbox party, I always thought it seemed a bit pointless. But after sitting watching the E3 conferences with a group of friends who aren't even on the same continent let alone in the same room as me, I think I've reconsidered a little bit.

Obviously there's no substitute for real human interaction. But when the real thing isn't possible, the fact that we live in the future makes a very adequate substitute. So big love, kudos and respect to everyone who's helped make today a huge amount of fun, and I look forward to doing it all again very soon.

I have plenty of thoughts about what's been shown at E3 so far but I've been posting news articles all day and frankly I'm completely burnt out. So I'll save further thoughts until I'm a bit more awake.

Job interview tomorrow. Quite looking forward to it. It may not be the ideal job for my current situation, but it's a foot back on the ladder and has the potential to lead onto better things. So right now I'll take what I can get.

One thing's clear to me right now as it approaches 3AM where I'm sitting: I'm certainly feeling a lot more positive than I did when I woke up this morning. And it's thanks to you, Internet. Big love to you all.

#oneaday, Day 147: Everybody Needs Somebody

Over the last few days, weeks, months, whatever, it's been becoming clear that I'm not the only one having a shit time. Quite a lot of people have been having a shit time, for quite a long time, too. Estimates from several people, given completely independently, place the time of shitness as starting roughly 18 months ago and working from there. And that sounds about right to me. January 2009 is certainly when my downward slope started, though it took a while to pick up speed. Each thing I did that I thought was a positive move ended up being either not enough, or the wrong thing to do. I'm not sorry I took those steps, because I believe that they were positive steps, and the right thing to do at that time, but it's not much consolation when I think about the position I'm in right now.

I know several other people that I've been talking to recently are in similar situations. Not necessarily for the same reasons. But for most of them, around the same time – January 2009 – things started taking a turn for the worse.

Some of these people I didn't know back then. Others I didn't know were suffering at the time. Others I did know were suffering, but didn't know to what degree. Others still were happy to tell me everything. And some lied to make it seem all right when in fact that couldn't be further from the truth.

A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say. And while it's not nice to only ever talk about one's problems with one's friends, there's a feeling of solidarity, camaraderie, whatever you want to call it, of helping each other through a difficult time. Everyone's problems have a relative degree of intensity that is unique to that person. One person's "I want to jump off a bridge" might be another person's "get the fuck over it". But it's every person's prerogative to think whatever they wish about their problems. Different people deal with different things differently. That's what makes us – guess what? Different.

It's all very well saying all this. Sometimes people can't cope at all. I've felt like that before. I've had days when I can barely function. I've had nights where I haven't slept a wink. Even now, now that there's the possibility of things being back on the up, and good people coming into (and in some cases returning to) my life, there are still times when it's so tough I wonder how I've made it this far.

There are people I don't want to let down, though. And everybody needs people like that. Whether they're friends, family, colleagues, whatever. Everybody needs someone looking out for them. Even if they're not aware they're doing it. Sometimes the thing that can draw you out of the darkness is the thought "what would so-and-so think about this?", or "what would they do if they were here?" or "would they want me to do this?" They might never know what you're thinking, what you're doing, what you're feeling. But the very fact they're in your life is enough to give you the strength to do the right thing in many cases.

So, however shit a time you're having at the minute, value your friends. Tell them you care. Let them know that you're there for them. Don't be afraid to let them know what you're thinking, feeling or worrying about. You might not be able to tell everyone you know everything that you're thinking or feeling all the time. But there will be at least one person out there who you will be able to tell, even if it's only when you're off your tits on scary drinks that combine things that should never be combined together like EVER.

So anyway. Profound thoughts on friendship done for the evening. I'll write something funny again soon, I promise. But the last few days have just felt a bit, you know… well, like I want to write this sort of thing.

In other news, 3 days to go until 150. How should I celebrate?

#oneaday, Day 146: Overly Ambitious Interactive Post

This post is interactive. And long. As such, I am using a More tag for the first time ever. To take part in all the fun, read the full post. It's about Persona 4's music, and how I think it can be made relevant to pretty much any situation you might find yourself in in everyday life. I commented on this on Twitter the other day. I thought it might be fun to prove it. Turns out it is fun. And rather time-consuming to prepare. But here it is anyway.

Continue reading "#oneaday, Day 146: Overly Ambitious Interactive Post" →

#oneaday, Day 145: Fear is for the Weak

I had an ambitious and experimental post planned, but time got the better of me so it can wait until tomorrow.

Instead, I am on my way out to my buddy Kalam's birthday bash. There will be drinking involved.

I don't normally go out this late. I usually overthink things and then end up not doing anything at all. But tonight, I thought, fuck it. There are times when it's OK to just do, not think. So my intention for tonight is to follow that philosophy. Hesitation is for the weak. The contented man doesn't regret missed opportunities. And other proverbs that I've just made up.

Tonight, my intention is to try and go more with gut instinct. Hesitation and lack of confidence holds mr back to a ridiculous degree and the only way to fix that is to do something about it for yourself.

I have no idea if it will actually work. But this, at least, is the intention. There will doubtless be Twitter updates throughout the evening depending on whether things go swimmingly or are a disastrous failure that make me never want to show my face in public again.

But I've got to try, at least. So here goes.