There's a listing on eBay right now for, I quote, "Unopened Vintage Super Mario Bros Kraft Cheez Whiz 1989 Glass Jar 7" Inches". It looks like this:
For the unfamiliar, Cheez Whiz is not supposed to be that colour. It is supposed to be this colour:
The seller, "Black Cat Antiques and Art", has put their Unopened Vintage Super Mario Bros Kraft Cheez Whiz 1989 Glass Jar 7" Inches on eBay for a selling price of $174.99 Canadian (about $128.57) and has claimed the condition is "new", but in the description is a little more honest about things:
This is being sold as a Collectable Container!
I have not opened this jar, however the lid seal may not be intact as it appears to be popped up. Likely from 33 years of sitting on a shelf. (I have not noted a smell)
Would you trust something that is that colour to not register a smell, particularly if its rancidity had forced the little poppy thing on the jar lid to pop — something which is only supposed to happen when you actually open the thing?
It continues:
PLEASE, do not open on receipt.
1. Value will drop significantly
2. It won't taste good, and may cause significant medical issues including…. (Anything you can imagine)
3. It will likely smell bad, really really bad!
4. You may haves opened the last bottle in existence.
PLEASE, don't do it!
Number 1 and 4 are the things that interest me here. Black Cat Antiques and Art appears to think that having a glass jar in the shape of Mario that is full of Cheez Whiz so old it has turned the colour of chocolate spread is somehow worth $174.99 Canadian (or Best Offer) — and, moreover, appears to think that opening the jar to remove the biohazard within will hurt its value significantly.
Not only that, they appear to think that there is some sort of inherent value in keeping the contents intact, even though they also admit that it will probably make you very sick indeed.
I mean, come on, man, it's Cheez Whiz. The jar is vaguely interesting, but as a "collectable container" it's not especially useful or collectable if there's a chance that what's inside might be sentient and waiting to devour you in your sleep. (For reference, empty instances of the same jar are currently listed on eBay for anywhere between $25 and $55 Canadian — this was evidently a Canada-specific product)
"No, no, no, don't open it, you'll tank the value" is by no means uncommon in the collectors market. Hell, there are people out there who buy two of every Evercade release "to keep one sealed" for some reason. But this is perhaps the most baffling instance I have ever seen of it.
Who would want this? For anything other than a funny bit online, I mean. (There are, at the time of writing, a couple of folks deliberating over buying this for the funnies, including Dan Ryckert of Giant Bomb.) Like, I want to meet the sort of collector who thinks buying a jar of rancid Cheez Whiz for over a hundred dollars is somehow a good investment. And then I want to ask them, sincerely, why?
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