#oneaday Day 464: Last full day in the forest

It's our last full day of holiday today. Technically we are still "on holiday" tomorrow, but we have to check out of the accommodation at 10am, so our plan is to get up, have some breakfast, pack, skedaddle out of the lodge and then have a last hurrah in the pool before leaving for proper realsies.

Technically we're apparently allowed to stay on the site until midnight, but I feel that is probably only really of value to those who 1) have booked a full day of activities and 2) have the energy to expend on a full day of activities. We do not fall into either of those categories, so it will be a case of enjoying the pool for one last time, then heading off and chilling out at home for the remainder of the day. That's my plan, anyway; Andie has to take her mother back home (she's been looking after our cats while we've been away) but she also has Tuesday off, whereas I'm back to work on Tuesday.

This time away has done me a lot of good, as I hoped it would. It has allowed me to simply "switch off" from all the things that had been weighing on my mind, relax, recentre myself, focus and reflect on a few things. There are some changes I need to make in my life, both personally and professionally, and having this time away has allowed me to put those things in perspective and feel a bit more determined and positive about that. I hasten to add that these "changes" are nothing that anyone needs to be concerned about; they're pretty much all to do with my own physical and mental wellbeing, both of which, I'm sure you can tell from recent posts, have been kind of in the toilet for a while.

It's important to take breaks. It's really important to take breaks. Ideally, one should take breaks before one starts suffering from intense burnout, which I'd been feeling rather acutely in the run up to this holiday, but at least I was able to actually enjoy the holiday rather than spending the entire time feeling miserable. We've had a thoroughly lovely time, done some things we've never done before — the spa day was thoroughly pleasant, and we'd very much like to do that again — and we're both feeling pretty re-energised for the challenges ahead.

Plus we'd both like to see our cats again. It has been fun to see the squirrels and the deer and the semi-feral cats out of our patio window, but I'm looking forward to having a proper cuddle with Patti and Oliver when we get back, assuming they're not too mad with us for leaving them for so long. They get on very well with Andie's mum, thankfully, so they've been in good hands; even Patti, who typically bolts and hides when strangers show up, doesn't take long to come out of her shell and spend time with Andie's mum any time she comes to stay, so we know they'll have both enjoyed the best care and attention.

So with that in mind, I probably better get to bed. If we're checking out at 10am, we have to get up reasonably early (by the standards of this holiday, and by the standards of our usual "day off lie-ins", anyway) and I would like to be at least semi-conscious while packing my stuff up. And thus, on that note, I bid you all a very good night from the depths of the forest.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

If you want this nonsense in your inbox every day, please feel free to subscribe via email. Your email address won't be used for anything else.

#oneaday Day 463: The exact opposite of clubbing

As a preamble to the following, I will grant you, dear reader, that it has almost certainly been approaching 20 years, if not more, since I went out on an excursion that one might describe as "clubbing". Since that time, I've been to pubs and bars, some of which played music too loud to be conducive to meaningful conversation with one's peers, but I have not had what, in the early 2000s, we might have referred to as "a large one" for a very long time.

That said, I do still remember the experience quite well. Right back to my teenage years, in fact, when we used to sneak into our nearest nightclub, Enigma, when we were underage. This was always a bit of a mission for me in particular, since I lived seven miles away from most of my friends, and Enigma itself was another 12 miles or so away from them. These excursions took planning, and as such, we tended to want to try and make the most of them.

Likewise, at university, we often had nights out at what one might describe as a "club", but they were mostly pokey little hole-in-the-wall places, usually built around one specific theme. The one (and as far as I'm aware, only) "big club" in Southampton was, at the time of our university attendance, known as Ikon and Diva, and it was subsequently rebranded as Oceana before being bulldozed off the face of the planet a few years back. It was, like Enigma, a bit of an Event any time we decided to go there, because it involved getting right into the city centre, while most of us lived a little further out — near the university, oddly enough.

Enigma, Ikon and Diva were all kind of shit, as I recall, but like I say, we used to like to make the most of our time there. I was often too wasted to really remember much of the specifics of what happened at these places (and the tactical approach was usually to get wasted before entering the club so you didn't have to pay its exorbitant bar prices, but not so wasted that the bouncers wouldn't let you in) but I do have vague memories of them being large complexes where people would hang out, drink and dance, and there would be multiple themed rooms. Ikon and Diva was called as such because of its two main rooms: Ikon played popular, modern dance music (typically house and trance, as I recall) while Diva was "the cheese room" where they'd play everything from '70s hits to S Club 7.

The reason I say all this is because our time at the Longleat Forest Aqua Sana spa this evening was almost the exact opposite of the clubbing experience. It's a place you spend an exorbitant amount of money to get into, just like a nightclub, and once you're in there you are free to mill around and move between various different themed rooms. But the aim at Aqua Sana, in contrast to, say, Ikon and Diva, is to get thoroughly relaxed rather than paralytically drunk and, ideally, into the pants of someone you saw for the first time that evening and thought "they're a bit of all right".

This idle thought occurred to me while I was relaxing in the "Forest Cave" room at Aqua Sana. Lying back in the heated, contoured lounger, surrounded by artificial but convincing cave walls, gazing up at the skylight and watching the sun set, I felt thoroughly at peace with the world — something that I don't think I can say with any great confidence that I ever felt while going out clubbing. In fact, as I recall, more often than not I'd get so drunk I'd get a bit maudlin at not having the confidence to ever approach anyone I had seen for the first time that evening and thought "they're a bit of all right" and, in many cases, sneaking off home without telling anyone. My least proud moment in this regard was the time when I successfully escaped from going clubbing during the walk down to the bus stop that would take us into town. Several of us doubled back and played Half-Life using the free phone connections between our rooms instead.

Anyway, all this is an exceedingly long-winded way of saying that Andie and I had a thoroughly agreeable time at the Aqua Sana today. We tried most of the 24 "spa experiences" that were available to us, and both of us determined that we like saunas and steam rooms a lot more than we both thought we did. Turns out neither of us had ever really been to a good sauna or steam room, with our respective experiences mostly consisting of hotel saunas (a shed in the corner of the car park) and steam rooms (a hot cupboard next to the swimming pool) rather than, y'know, somewhere that does it properly.

And man, it sure is nice to just relax. You're not allowed to take your phone in to the spa, thank goodness, so all there is to do is just sit back, relax, perhaps reflect on a few things, maybe even have a nap. There are, in fact, several rooms set aside specifically for napping, and while I think it might be a bit of a waste of your entry fee to go along to a place like Aqua Sana and just nap in one of these rooms, I also wouldn't blame anyone who did.

You have a lot of options in that regard, too. As well as the aforementioned Forest Cave, which is a prime nap spot so long as your bladder isn't susceptible to the sound of trickling water, there was another room downstairs that was just pretty dark and filled with contoured, heated loungers, then in a room beyond that a room with straight-up water beds. There were several other rooms with comfy sofas and beds to use, too; we tried most of them during our visit, and the thought only occurred to us after we'd been there a while that we wondered how many people per year got thrown out for boning. (No-one was, to our knowledge, engaging in such activities while we were there, even though there were plenty of couples, like us, sharing the beds.)

So all in all, it was very nice. And, as a fat, unfit fortysomething, spending £75 for four hours of chilling out in nice-smelling hot rooms and then being provided with beds and other comfy things to nap on sounds infinitely preferable to spending an indeterminate amount of money getting pissed in a darkened room, being unable to have a conversation with anyone without yelling, having to negotiate drunken strangers and having to moderate one's alcohol intake to find the perfect balance between being pleasantly wobbly, maudlin and vomity vomity.

We're already making idle plans to come again next year. This was a good choice. Well done, me.

If you want this nonsense in your inbox every day, please feel free to subscribe via email. Your email address won't be used for anything else.

1764: An Outing with Owls

It's our second (and final) full day here at Center Parcs. We both woke up extremely stiff all over after what was a pretty busy day yesterday, so we had a relaxing morning. We headed over to a cafe in the main plaza area to have some breakfast — a pretty magnificent Eggs Royale (Eggs Benedict with smoked salmon instead of ham) accompanied by spinach and some really nice if slightly salty crispy potato bits.

After that, we had a little wander around the shops in the plaza, which we hadn't really explored a great deal. We paid particular attention to the sweet shop, which offered the typically overpriced pick and mix, a selection of American sweets (including Nerds, Runts and Gobstoppers, the latter two of which I haven't seen for years), some nice looking ice-cream and a selection of fudge that would put Cornwall's finest to shame. We came away with a box full of fudge of various flavours and have been enjoying that over the course of the day. Pro-tip: chocolate fudge with Oreos in it is proper delicious.

Our main activity for the day was "An Outing with Owls", which we signed up for largely on the promise of being able to see some owls, since owls are pretty cool. I wasn't quite sure what to expect from the session, but it turned out to be a lot of fun, with everyone getting the opportunity to get their falconry on and let owls of various sizes land on their (leather glove-protected) hands while they nommed on bits of chicken. These well-trained birds swooping from person to person is an impressive thing to witness, and not a little disconcerting when one comes flying straight for you before perching politely on your hand until it's had something to eat.

We got to see a selection of owls, ranging from a barn owl to a Great Grey, which, true to its name, was both grey and massive. (And dubbed "Clock Owl" by Andie and I, due to the fact that when it was sat on its perch prior to the session, it had the size, shape and appearance of a rather feathery mantelpiece clock.) There was also a South American burrowing owl, which was kind of adorable, too; rather than swooping around as the larger owls did, this tiny little thing preferred to scurry around on the floor, then occasionally leap and fly up onto anywhere that took its fancy — knees, hands, shoulders and even, on one particularly memorable occasion, the top of a gentleman's hat.

We came back to the apartment for a well-earned rest after that, and we're shortly to have one final night-time session in the Subtropical Swimming Paradise before grabbing some dinner.

It's been a very pleasant — if quite expensive! — couple of days away, and I predict it will be quite tough to go back to reality on Tuesday! Such is the way with holidays, though; good times have to end at some point and we all have to make our way back to the humdrum nature of our daily existences.

Still, for now, there's still more to enjoy, so we're going to make the most of it.

1763: Fun-Filled Day

A rather pleasant day all round, really, though my aching body will attest to the fact that we've done a whole lot more than we'd usually do on a Saturday. That's probably not a terrible thing, mind you.

We kicked off the day with a substantial breakfast courtesy of the awesome "breakfast packs" sold at the on-site supermarket, the Parc Market. This contained four sausages — decent sausages, too, not cheap crap — along with six slices of bacon (six!) and two lumps of black pudding. We also supplemented it with some eggs — because what sort of breakfast doesn't have eggs? — and some hash browns. It was tasty, if rather filling.

After letting that lead weight settle in our stomachs a bit, we headed over for our first foray into the Subtropical Swimming Paradise. The Center Parcs I'd previously been to several times was the Elveden Forest one rather than this one here in Longleat, but I was expecting the pool to be almost if not completely identical. Sure enough, the layout was a little bit different, but all the same things were there — the lazy river, the two flumes, the terrifying fast slide (which appears to have been remodeled into two separate, smaller, single-person slides rather than the wide, multi-person slide it once was and, of course, the Wild Water Rapids. There's also a wonderful warm pool outdoors that leads into the aforementioned Rapids, and an even warmer jacuzzi just off that. The contrast between hot and cold when you get into these pools and feel the cool air on your skin while the warm water heats up your body is rather wonderful.

After a bit of exploring everything the pool had to offer, we headed to the first of two "extra" activities we'd booked for the weekend: a spot of target archery tuition. This was a fairly substantial walk away from the main plaza building and involved a little bit of getting lost amid the many identical-looking streets of villas along the way, but we eventually got there on time to shoot a bunch of arrows.

I've done archery a couple of times in the past, and I've always enjoyed it despite not being all that good at it — my score in the competition at the end of the session was the second lowest. It's inherently satisfying to feel that release of the bowstring and to watch your arrow arc gracefully through the air on the way to its destination, be that the bull's eye of a target or the protective fabric at the back of the range. And that "thunk" of an arrow actually hitting the target? Wonderful stuff.

Andie did pretty well at the archery, beating my score by a considerable margin — although my pride dictates that I should mention at this point that I was shooting at the "grown-up" targets that were a fair distance away while she was shooting at the medium-range targets for beginners and/or short people. She still did great, though; evidently all that Bard training in Final Fantasy XIV is good for something.

After that, we caught the "land train" (actually a road-based train stopping at various destinations around the park) to the Village Square area, which we hadn't explored previously. This small area, separate from the main plaza, features a few nice little restaurants and a pottery workshop. We were interested in the former aspect, specifically an intriguing little establishment called The Pancake House. It did not disappoint, providing huge and delicious Dutch-style pancakes (with the option of American-style pancake stacks instead if you prefer) topped with a variety of both sweet and savoury options. Andie went for a rather delicious apple affair that had lovely soft cooked apples along with plenty of caramel, cinnamon sugar and all manner of other goodness. I had an equally caramelly pancake, but mine featured lumps of honeycomb rather than the apples. It was damn good, but it was the second lead weight of the day to hit our stomach, which made the walk back to our accommodation rather hard work!

After a break back at the apartment, we headed out to the Subtropical Swimming Paradise for an evening swim as I'd previously enthused that it was very nice at night time. Sure enough, it didn't disappoint; the outdoor pools in particular were lovely in the dark of the evening, with the underwater lighting highlighting the steam rising from these warm pools, providing a lovely relaxing, chilled-out environment that was blissfully largely child-free at that time in the evening.

After that, we headed back, ate steak, chilled out, played My Little Pony cards, went to bed. Then I got up and wrote this. Now I'm going back to bed.

Not a bad way to spend a Saturday, to be sure.

1762: Minibreak

It's Andie's 30th birthday soon, so I wanted to do something nice. Rather than taking the "present" route, however, I decided to book us some time away at a place I've been wanting to come back to for many years now: Center Parcs.

For the unfamiliar, Center Parcs is a chain of holiday villages scattered throughout the UK and across Europe. They have that holiday village "thing" of being largely identical to one another, regardless of which one you go to, so the fact that Andie and I have come to the much closer Longleat Forest incarnation of the chain rather than the Elveden Forest one I went to several times as a young 'un is still filling me with a certain degree of nostalgia — plus, I won't lie, a pleasing amount of feeling that I'm a "proper" adult for booking something like this and my parents not being involved in any way whatsoever.

Anyway. I have very fond memories of my various previous visits to Center Parcs. They're situated in idyllic forest locations, and provide plenty of opportunities to walk and cycle around without having to worry about cars — cars are only permitted on site on Fridays and Mondays, which are also the only days you can check in or out. The accommodation is good-quality, too, taking the form of either small apartments (which we've gone for) or, if you're in a larger group, villas and log cabins of various sizes. All of these are furnished very nicely, kept in good condition and set up in such a way that you can self-cater your holiday if you so desire; those feeling lazy and/or flush with cash, meanwhile, can take advantage of the various restaurants available in the main plaza building — which, this time around, we're conveniently about a minute's walk from, which is nice.

There's a wide variety of different activities on offer at each Center Parcs, although on previous visits I didn't partake in that many of them. This time around, we're going to try some archery tomorrow and spend some time with some owls on Sunday. I predict we'll probably be spending a fair amount of the rest of our time at the "Subtropical Swimming Paradise" — the huge pool complex that forms the centrepiece of each Center Parcs plaza, and a place that I fondly remember as one of the best water-based experiences ever.

The Subtropical Swimming Paradise is pretty great, for numerous reasons. Firstly, it's huge, providing a large swimming pool-cum-wave machine pool for actually swimming properly in, a slow river to get caught in, several excellent water slides (a long, slow flume, a short fast flume and a large white straight-down slide) and a white water rapids to fling yourself down with enthusiasm. Secondly, it's warm — that "subtropical" bit isn't an exaggeration, since the whole place is deliberately made warm and humid to feel like you're really on holiday while you're in there; it also allows various tropical plants scattered around the area to thrive, giving the whole place a really nice look, particularly when compared to your usual municipal pool. Thirdly, it's kind of beautiful at night-time — there are several outdoor pools lit by coloured underwater lighting, and the warmth of the water combined with the cool night air makes for a very pleasant experience. Going down the Rapids, which is largely outdoors, is also a lot of fun at night-time.

Today we've had a fairly relaxed day getting here, doing a bit of shopping for tonight's dinner and tomorrow's breakfast (though we forgot eggs and oil — back to the shop tomorrow morning!) and booking our activities for the next couple of days. Tomorrow, as previously noted, we're going to shoot arrows at things and probably spend a fair amount of time in the pool, then the day after we're going to hang out with some owls. Exactly what we're going to do with the owls remains to be seen, but Andie likes owls so it seemed like a fun thing to do.

Anyway. Being away from home means being away from my Mac, Comic Life and Paintbrush so no comics for a few days, I'm afraid. I'm sure you'll survive, though. You'll just have to read my thrilling prose instead, huh?