Tag: decision making

#oneaday Day 778: That feeling you should be doing something

I'm having one of those days where my brain feels restless, where it feels like I "should" be doing something, but as far as I am aware, I have no commitments this weekend whatsoever, so I should just be taking the time to relax, enjoy myself and mentally prepare for the week ahead. (There's nothing particularly special about the week ahead, either, just the weekend is generally a good time to mentally prepare yourself for actually having to do things for, like, your job and stuff.)

I'm unsure where this particular anxiety stems from, but it's not an altogether uncommon phenomenon. It seems it is most frequently associated with ADHD, which I have not been formally diagnosed with, but which from talking to people who do have it, I recognise a lot of the things they mention — much like I did with autism before I went and got myself diagnosed. I'm not in any great hurry to get myself diagnosed in that regard, though I suspect, as with the autism diagnosis, that having it confirmed (or otherwise) might help me to think about my own brain in a more helpful way.

But regardless! That doesn't fix the immediate issue, which is my brain is currently doing somersaults wondering what I should actually do today. And it's not as if I have a shortage of options. I could play some Final Fantasy XI, now I am into the Treasures of Aht Urhgan expansion. I could play some Terranigma, which I started the other day and enjoyed a lot. I could play some Splatoon Raiders, which I am also having fun with. I could record a voiceover for my Illusion of Time video and then edit said video now that I have learned the basics of DaVinci Resolve. I could even record some voiceovers for some work videos and get those out of the way if I really wanted to.

Or I could do something completely different. I could actually leave the house for some reason, perhaps pay a visit to CEX in town and see if they have anything interesting. I could go for a walk on the common (although I feel like the exact time I'm typing this is probably not the best time to do that, given how hot and humid it appears to be outside, so I will probably save that for later). I could pull down a random game from the shelf and give that a go. I could do some creative writing. I could write about a game I've been playing recently. I could record some Let's Play-style videos (again, I think it might be a bit too hot to do that right now). I could learn what "colour grading" is. I could practice some Japanese.

This is the problem, y'see. The problem is not that I have nothing to do, it's that I have a lot of options for what I could do, and pretty much all of them would be enjoyable and/or fulfilling in some way. One might say that this means it doesn't really matter which one of them I pick, as I will be having an enjoyable and fulfilling experience regardless. But for some reason, when this sort of mental block strikes, it doesn't quite work like that; my brain starts to feel genuine anxiety over whether or not I am picking the "correct" or "best" option, whatever that means — and there really is no "correct" or "best" option here. There is nothing I have to do; there is nothing that will make my life significantly better or worse if I do or don't do it. So all I need to do is just… pick something.

My intent was to follow that paragraph with something along the lines of "So I'm off to go and… [x]". But as I went to type that, my brain started a tug-of-war process with itself, still worrying over whether or not I was making the right choice. So I'm going to set myself a firm but friendly ultimatum — without being aggressive or sergeant-majorish about it — and say that by the time I finish writing this paragraph, I will have made a decision of what to do for the immediate now, not necessarily the whole day, but for the period immediately following completing this paragraph. Whenever I finish this paragraph. I am absolutely, positively, definitely not stalling for time while I attempt to get my mind in order. Definitely not. Perish the thought! Who would do something like that, even? That's ridiculous. I can absolutely, definitely make a decision on what Nice Thing I would like to do today.

I'm going to go and play Terranigma for a bit. Then we'll see what happens from there.

There, see, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 169: Analysis paralysis strikes again

I'm having a bit of a "moment" this evening. I want to play something, but my brain is bouncing every which way while I try and actually settle on something to spend some time with. Part of the issue is that I've started several things, and when this happens I find myself feeling "obliged" to try and finish those off, but part of me also wants to experience something brand new.

To clarify: all the things I've started I absolutely want to finish. But I think I may have inadvertently overwhelmed myself with everything I have on the go already. So indulge me a moment, if you please, while I attempt to make some sense of what my brain is thinking.

Games I have started but not finished (and which I want to finish): Mon-Yu, The Eden of Grisaia, Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana, Yakuza 5, Trails in the Sky Second Chapter, Atelier Lydie & Suelle: The Alchemists and the Mysterious Paintings, Little Busters!, Rance Quest Magnum

Games I am considering replaying for New Game+/DLC etc: Final Fantasy XVI, Final Fantasy XV, Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin, Blue Reflection: Second Light

Games I quite fancy starting: Loop8: Summer of Gods (yes, I know it's supposedly pump but I want to try it anyway), Rhapsody II, Kowloon High School Chronicle, Collar x Malice, Nights of Azure 2: Bride of the New Moon

Games I feel like I "should" start at some point but which seem to get knocked down the priority pile regularly: Final Fantasy IV/V/VI Pixel Remaster

You can hopefully see the issue I have presented myself with: a veritable horde of long RPGs and visual novels, all of which I want to play and finish. And I've rather stupidly gone and actually started a bunch of them and left them half-finished, which is where my analysis paralysis is primarily stemming from.

So let's take those "games in progress" and look a little closer.

Mon-Yu: Dungeon crawler that I started on stream, but have subsequently been playing off-stream, because I'm not sure it's the best game to "build an audience" with. Has the advantage of being extremely light on the narrative, so it's a game that, in theory, can be dipped in and out of as mood dictates. Its main disadvantage is that it's quite tough, so rewards protracted sessions. It's not super-long, though: I believe there are seven main dungeons and I'm on the fourth. So a bit of determination can probably bash this one out before too long.

The Eden of Grisaia: Visual novel that I'm really enjoying and have been wanting to see the conclusion to for nearly ten years. This is easy enough to fit in whenever, since it requires no decision-making, just concentrating on the unfolding narrative. I am presently about 50% through its main storyline, though there are some other stories that unlock after that is completed. This is something that, perhaps, I can play over lunch instead of watching videos, since I can just stick it on auto and watch it unfold.

Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana: I love Ys, but I started this at the behest of one of my wife's friends, who was drunk at the time and wanted to see it. This means I'm not particularly invested in my current playthrough, so it's pretty much at the bottom of my priority list, and I might even just start it over when I come to play it "properly".

Yakuza 5: I also love Yakuza and am keen to get up to date with the series, but doing so feels a tad overwhelming right now. I am fairly early in this and haven't gone through much of the plot, but I have been enjoying the side activities, as is the law with Yakuza games.

Trails in the Sky Second Chapter: I had bold plans to play through "all of Trails", which was a silly thing to promise myself. I enjoyed revisiting the first Trails in the Sky, but Second Chapter's similarity to it made me feel a little burnt out going straight into it. I'm not far into this at all, but I'm far enough that I'm not sure I'd want to start over.

Atelier Lydie & Suelle: I was doing great on the Atelier MegaFeature over on MoeGamer, but I kind of ground to a halt with this game, not because I wasn't enjoying it, but at least partly because I started working on Rice Digital and thus didn't have time to commit to personal projects like this. It has been long enough that I think I can probably start this over when I want to come back to it.

Little Busters!: I took this with me on an overnight trip to work to play out of curiosity, and enjoyed the few chapters I played through, but again, haven't got far. Again, I think I would probably start this over when the time comes.

Rance Quest Magnum: Another game with Yakuza syndrome: I want to catch up on the series, but doing so is a daunting prospect. This game at least has the benefit that its early hours are relatively light on plot, and its quests are bite-sized, making it a game that you don't necessarily have to devote hours to in order to get the best out of it.

I'll also say it's worth noting that recently I finished Silent Hope, which was one of those games that had been looming over my head for ages, and it felt good to finally knock that one on the head. I also played through 1000xRESIST the other day, and enjoyed that a lot.

Thinking about things sensibly, then, the thing that would make the most sense would be to play The Eden of Grisaia when my brain is alert enough to read, Mon-Yu when I fancy bopping things until numbers come out. I drop Ys VIII, Atelier Lydie & Suelle and Little Busters! without guilt for now, and come back to them fresh and from the beginning when I'm not so overwhelmed. I review how I'm feeling after finishing either Mon-Yu or The Eden of Grisaia (or both) and consider whether to pick up where I left off in either Yakuza 5 or Trails in the Sky Second Chapter at that point — in other words, defer that decision until one or two things are checked off.

That sounds good, right? Okay, The Eden of Grisaia it is for now, then.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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