1809: Untitled, Chapter 1

[A note of explanation before we begin: for the past few Novembers, alongside the more organised campaign NaNoWriMo, I've been indulging in creative writing projects, aiming to write somewhere in the region of 2,000 words per day for a whole month in order to end up with something that is vaguely novel-length. This November, I didn't get started in a timely manner, so I decided to wait until January to pick things up. And so, for the duration of this month, this blog will be entirely creative writing-based rather than, you know, a regular boring ol' blog.

As usual, the creative writing for this project will be unedited and unplanned, since "improvising" is the means through which I enjoy writing the most. Expect unstructured, nonsensical occasionally inconsistent stuff to happen, though I'll try to keep it to a minimum. Normal business will resume on February 1, assuming everything is neatly wrapped up by then! Let's begin.]

The night was dark and almost silent, but Magnus Thompson could not for the life of him get to sleep.

He'd tried everything. He'd tried exhausting himself to the point where he felt he could barely keep his eyes open. He'd tried lighting candles with relaxing smells. He'd tried reading. He'd even tried an app on his phone that featured a selection of sounds designed to soothe the listener off to sleep — rain on canvas, muted traffic noise, wind in the mountains, even pure white noise.

None of it worked, however. Tonight, as with every other night, he found himself, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Moments ago, he had glanced over to his bedside table to look at the aggressively glowing red digits of his distinctly retro clock-radio, and was unsurprised to discover that it was after three o' clock in the morning.

He knew that his body would eventually succumb to total exhaustion, but he could never predict when. And consequently, he could never predict at what time he'd be able to rise the following day. His worst ever day had seen him dropping off to sleep just as the dawn was starting to break around five in the morning, and him waking up just as everyone else's working day was coming to a close at five in the afternoon. That day, he'd felt particularly bad as he'd dragged his unkempt form into the convenience store across the road and had had to respond to the clerk's cheerful enquiry as to whether he'd had a "good day". He couldn't bring himself to admit that his day had only begun five minutes earlier and consequently hadn't been all that bad as yet, nor did he particularly feel like sharing his recent life story with the cashier, who was still pretty much a stranger despite how often Magnus saw him.

He'd lost track of the time since she'd gone. Days blurred into weeks and possibly even months; nothing felt like it mattered any more. He was alone, miserable and gradually sliding towards a situation where he would be unable to support himself any longer, and he did not want that to happen. He did not know what would happen should things get that far, so he tried his best to push it out of his mind whenever these dark thoughts started sneaking up on him.

But still they came, and at night they were the worst. The darkness felt oppressive, like it was a physical manifestation surrounding him, suffocating him and pulling him ever deeper into despair, making hope seem perpetually out of reach, and slipping further and further away with each passing day. He didn't know how to deal with it, so he just lay there.

At least, that's what he usually did. Tonight was different. He felt more awake, more alert than usual. His eyelids didn't feel like they had weights attached to them; his body didn't resist his brain's messages to move.

He sat up on the side of his bed and looked out of the window into the deserted street outside. There was no-one around — not even the drunken louts that occasionally staggered past at ungodly hours in the morning on the way back from an evening of drinking and clubbing — and all the lights in the other flats and houses that lined the road were extinguished. The only light came from the orange-tinted street lamps, bathing everything in a monochromatic glow and giving the vista from his window a curious, otherworldly, stylised feel.

He stood, pulled on the clothes he'd discarded before he got into bed — crumpled and worn, as he hadn't changed them for days by this point — and walked out into the hallway.

Something definitely didn't feel quite right. But what was it?

He picked up his keys from the small table by the door, stuffed them in his pocket and opened the front door of his flat. Before long, he was outside the building and on the street. The air was still, but cold. He couldn't hear a sound. But the feeling of "wrongness" was getting stronger and stronger. It almost felt like he could pinpoint the source of the disturbance, like a homing beacon in his head.

Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself following the invisible trail, walking down his street, down the middle of the narrow road. Although he'd lived here a while, he'd never really gone further than his own building, which just happened to be the first on the road. The residential buildings rose on either side of him; blocks of flats on the left, terraces of houses on the right. They made a wall against the sounds of the city around him and ensured that the street was, most of the time, pretty quiet and secluded-feeling, despite its rather central location. Tonight, of course, there was no sound at all; he could tell that even here. No cars were passing; no-one was walking down the street; not even a dog was barking. Nothing.

The curious sensation started to grow stronger as he continued to walk. He felt his skin crawling, though he didn't know what it was that he feared. There was just… something out there, and even though he suspected that it wished him ill, still he continued on his way towards it, following the beacon that was starting to throb inside his mind.

He reached the end of the road. Before him was a ramp leading down into a car park that occupied the space beneath one of the blocks of flats. There was one much like it underneath his own building, but he'd never seen this particular one before. He'd had no reason to, of course, but he felt like the dark signal was drawing him inside, willing him to come closer — perhaps even daring him to venture within.

He silently accepted the challenge and walked down the ramp. The car park smelled somewhat musty, and the electric lighting inside appeared to be broken. Just beyond the entrance, a faulty fluorescent light flickered a frustratingly inconsistent rhythm, making it clear to Magnus that the car park was, at least, occupied by a few cars. On the right of the entrance, a wall. On the left, the car park continued into darkness so thick that he could barely see beyond the small, flickering pool of light created by the faulty light fitting.

Undeterred, he turned left and walked in that direction. It wasn't long before the darkness surrounded him. It was a familiar sensation; the same he felt as he tried to get to sleep. The air felt thick, and the further he went, the more effort it was to breathe. It didn't feel like there was pressure on his body, but he felt like he was starting to suffocate nonetheless. But still he proceeded onwards, ever deeper into the blackness.

After several minutes of walking in silence, during which his echoing footsteps on the concrete floor of the car park felt like they'd faded out to almost nothing, he paused. He stopped walking, and he turned around to glance behind him.

He suddenly became aware of how long he'd been walking, and of the fact that the car park couldn't possibly be that big; it was a physical impossibility, surely. By now, he should have reached the far wall, or a row of cars, or something. But he couldn't see anything in front of him, and now, it transpired, he couldn't see anything behind him, either. All trace of the flickering fluorescent light appeared to have vanished, and he was totally surrounded by black on all sides.

He felt disoriented. He couldn't tell which way he was facing any longer. He span around desperately, the calm he'd been feeling a moment ago rapidly fading and being replaced by panic as his pulse quickened and his palms became sweaty. He became dizzy, his disorientation now extending to not being sure which way was up and which way was down, too. He felt like he was falling, but at the moment he thought he should have hit the ground, he felt nothing; he just stopped. There was no pain, no sensation, nothing.

He became aware of his quickening pulse and his ragged breathing, but he didn't know how to stand up any more, if indeed he was, as he thought, lying on the ground. His body no longer appeared to be obeying his commands; he wasn't even sure he had a body any more, because he couldn't see it to make sure. The darkness was everywhere, all around him. And now it felt like it was starting to bind him, as well: holding him down, preventing him from moving, making it harder and harder to breathe. He wanted to call out, to cry for help, to scream, but no sound came out. It was hopeless. This was the end. This was how he was going to die: in a way he didn't understand.

And as he started to feel like the life was fading from him, his soul departing where he thought his body was, the strange calm returned once again. This wasn't so bad, he thought. There would be worse ways to go. And at least this would mark an end to the pain. He wouldn't have to worry any more. And, he thought grimly, no-one would have to worry about him, either.

His eyes snapped open, and he found himself gazing at the ceiling. Orange light was coming in through the window, the curtains for which he'd forgotten to close as usual.

How long had he been asleep? He didn't remember passing out, but then he never did. He always awoke the next day, not exactly feeling refreshed but at least in a state where he could get up and do things again.

He glanced over at the clock-radio once again. The first digit still read "3", but he couldn't remember what the minutes had said the last time he'd looked. Regardless, it had apparently been less than an hour that he had been asleep, but after the strange dream he felt surprisingly awake, and certainly in no hurry to close his eyes again.

He sat up in bed and shuffled over to the side, dropping his legs to the carpeted floor softly. The air had something of a chill to it: he had been trying to avoid running the expensive electric heating as much as possible, and had, by now, reached a stage where he didn't really feel the cold any more.

Clad only in his boxer shorts, he stood and stretched, then looked out of the window. The street was as deserted as it had been in his dream, but he wasn't surprised at this, given the hour. Then he turned to face the door, intending to head to his kitchen to fix himself a warm drink. Before he could start walking, though, he froze.

Emblazoned in dark letters across the wall of his bedroom was a single word: "WELCOME." It looked like it had been hastily scrawled across the wall in black or dark blue paint, completely disregarding the furniture and decorations, and the word itself, though normally a friendly utterance, seemed to radiate malice and menace. It made him more scared than he thought he'd ever been in his life, and the fear froze him to the spot, simply staring at the dark letters, for what felt like several minutes.

Then he blinked. And the word was gone.

1808: Happy New Year!

I intended to write something a little earlier (i.e. ahead of the Big Change to 2015) but, well, that didn't happen, so here I am at twenty past midnight trying to think of how to bid farewell to 2014 and welcome in 2015.

When I look back at 2014, I see a year that was somewhat mixed. It was a significant (and good!) year in that I bought my first house with Andie; it was a bad year in that it was the year I had to give up on what had previously been a lifelong dream of working in the games press.

Thinking about it, these two things are probably the two single most significant things that happened in 2014 to me, so let's contemplate them in turn.

First, the good, then. After renting places to live ever since I left home for university in 1999 (with the exception of a return to my childhood home for a few months in 2010 after Bad Things happened), finally owning my own place (well, sharing it, anyway) is a good feeling. It's one of those things I felt like would never, ever happen, and I couldn't see how anyone could ever do it. But fortunately a combination of circumstances saw both Andie and I in a position to be able to pool our collective resources and acquire a very nice house that isn't falling to pieces or anything.

There's a lot of work for us still to do — both the front and back garden need some significant "sorting out", for example, and neither of us quite know where to start with that, so I'm still extremely tempred to just "get a man in" — but we're in a position where our house is not only habitable, but actually (I feel, anyway) rather pleasant. We've hosted several guests, both for day visits and for lengthier stays — we have a spare room, which is a pleasant novelty after only ever renting two-bedroom places in the past, and we also have a sofa-bed downstairs to host further guests if required — and none of them went away with ebola or smallpox or anything, and they still talk to us, so it must have been all right for them.

In 2015 I don't know if anything significant will happen with the house. I'd like to get the garden sorted so it can be a space we can enjoy rather than feel faintly embarrassed about whenever we look out of the back window. I hasten to add that we didn't let the garden get into a bad state; the previous occupants obviously hadn't paid it much attention, so it was already a bit of a shambles when we moved in, and we haven't really done anything with it to sort that out. That's a job for this year, then.

So that's the house.

What about the other thing: the giving up of a lifelong dream? Well, it's sad to think about, but as I've noted on these very pages before, the games press of the 21st century is not the games press that I fell in love with as a youngster. Websites are not magazines, and the art of writing for the Web is very different to the art of writing for magazines. It's been a significant shift, particularly in the last few years, and I don't feel it's a shift for the better, either; I used to love getting in a variety of game magazines each month, reading them from cover to cover and then looking forward to what might be in the next issue. Each magazine had its own distinctive identity, and everyone covered different things in different ways, because they all only had limited space and thus had to prioritise what they were going to allocate pages to.

Nowadays, the games press is much more homogeneous. Certain sites do still have distinctive identities, but it's a far cry from the uniqueness of magazines. Clickbait rules supreme, with provocative articles making increasingly regular appearances in an attempt to get eyes on pages and ad revenue rolling in, and long-form, experimental or simply humorous work is on the way out. That's not to say it doesn't exist at all any more, of course, but it tends to be more on the enthusiast side of things rather than the professional press.

Then there's the growth of YouTube. This has been happening for a few years, but I feel that 2014 is the year that YouTube really became a significant threat (and yes, I use that specific word deliberately) to the written word. YouTube, or so Google says, is one of the world's top search engines, despite not really actually being a search engine. People are increasingly turning to video instead of the written word for all manner of things — help and advice, criticism, first looks at upcoming products, comedy — and the narrative that is constantly being pushed is that If You're Not Doing Video, You're Doing It Wrong. I disagree fundamentally with this, but that's something to discuss another day, I feel.

As for my own career, then, well, I just burned out. Being unceremoniously informed by email that I no longer had a job just before my birthday and right as Andie and I had finalised arrangements to buy our house was the last straw: I was sick of being jerked around by a cynical, unstable, manipulative, bullshit industry that treats its employees like shit unless you're one of the few people lucky enough to become a recognisable "personality". I was sick of having jobs that I enjoyed but which I was in a perpetual state of wondering if I'd still be in work each morning. I was sick of the feeling of being "gagged" from writing about interesting and unique things in favour of the necessary clickbait bullshit. I was sick of seeing the increasing number of games journalists and critics who appeared to genuinely loathe their audience, and of being criticised for being enthusiastic about the things I was passionate about. And I was sick of a "career" which had seemingly no structure for progression, training, growth, advancement, whatever you want to call it. So when I was shown the door, I didn't even try and find a new position in the games press. That was it. I haven't looked back. And while I won't say I'm exactly in a dream position right now, the stability of a regular paycheque sure is nice.

So what will happen on that front in 2015? Who knows? There are many different paths I could follow from here. I mentioned the other day that I've been taking the time to train up my own skills and make myself a more attractive proposition for any potential positions that might appear in the future. And I intend to keep doing that; I enjoy learning, training, bettering myself — it's just finding the appropriate opportunities to 1) keep the things I've learned in practice and 2) being able to apply them in a professional situation.

But that's something to worry about another day. For now, it's New Year's Day, and it's time to relax and chill out for a bit. I hope the end of 2014 was good to you, and that 2015 is better still to you.

Happy new year.

1807: Learnin'

During quiet periods, I've been educating myself in some things that will doubtless prove beneficial to future career plans: specifically, I've been learning about the various languages of the Web thanks to a marvellous site that I remember seeing the genesis of a while back, but which I haven't really delved into until just recently: Codecademy.

Codecademy is a site that truly leverages the idea of interactive learning and makes programming accessible to anyone, regardless of their previous skills. It covers a range of topics, starting at HTML and CSS and working through other useful technologies such as JavaScript, jQuery, PHP, Python and Ruby, and also provides examples of how to use these technologies to leverage the APIs of popular platforms like YouTube, Twitter and Evernote to build your own apps.

There are a number of different approaches you can take through the currently available course material: you can take a specific "skill" (such as HTML and CSS, or JavaScript) and work your way through a series of multi-stage exercises, given clear instructions and the opportunity to immediately see the effects of your work as you go; you can take on a practical project (such as recreating the homepage of a popular site using established Web technologies such as HTML and CSS plus extensions like Bootstrap); or you can do one of the super-quick "this is what you'll be capable of if you stick with it" projects whereby you "create" something impressive like an animated interactive picture by referencing pre-existing libraries that have conveniently been built for you.

So far I've found I've responded best to the structured, skill-based work. These courses take the longest out of all of Codecademy's material, but they provide in-depth experience of getting your hands dirty, and tend to provide enough plausible context for the things you're doing to make them relatable to real contexts. The JavaScript course perhaps didn't go into quite as much depth as it could — I would have liked to see greater exploration of how JavaScript code is integrated into a website, rather than (or perhaps as well as) treating it as an entirely separate and independent language, but at least the course game me a reasonably firm understanding of some of the core concepts, and allowed me to get my head around object-oriented programming a lot more than I have done in the past.

I quite enjoy programming, though I haven't been properly "into" it since the 8- and 16-bit eras, when I used to use variations on BASIC (Atari BASIC on the Atari 8-bit computers, and STOS on the Atari ST) to put together simple games. I fell out of the habit of programming around the time you no longer had to put line numbers in manually, though a few abortive attempts to learn over the years have made me pretty familiar with common conventions such as {curly braces} and ending lines with semicolons();

As with any new skill, the real thing you need to do to ensure the knowledge sticks it to apply what you've learned in some sort of practical situation. I'm hoping that the later exercises in Codecademy will provide some of this much-needed context for my learning and allow me to confidently say "yes, I do know [language]". That sort of thing makes you eminently attractive when being considered for new positions, and while I'm not intending to move on anywhere just yet, it is, of course, always worth keeping one's eyes open for suitable opportunities to flex one's intellectual muscles and make use of the things you've learned over the years.

Still got a way to go before I'd consider putting any of these languages (except HTML and CSS, which I'm pretty confident in the use of) on my CV, though; better get back to the studying then, I guess!

1806: Resolute

My friend Dan (aka "utterbiblio") wrote a heartfelt and eye-opening post earlier. And I related to it one hell of a lot.

Dan has been through a lot over the last few years, most notably a horrendous family tragedy that I wouldn't wish on anyone. This, thankfully, isn't something I can directly relate to — though I can at least empathise and sympathise with him — but the other things he talks about in that post, some of which stem directly from that awful happening and others of which have always been present in his life, are the parts where I felt like I could have written that very post.

Depression is, as I've commented on here on numerous occasions, a terrible thing. It destroys lives — quite literally, in all too many cases. And for those who hang on in there trying to survive day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, little by little, it can feel like a pointless journey with no end in sight. Or, perhaps more accurately, it can feel like a journey with two possible destinations: the one that's worth getting to, the one that's hard work and far away, feels like it's way beyond the horizon and perpetually moving away from your current position, while the other destination is just a short hop off the cliff that is forever to one side of you. Just jump, and you're there; the end, that's it, nothing more to worry about.

Dan describes in his post how he has contemplated taking his own life. On a number of occasions throughout my time on this earth, similar thoughts have entered my mind. They've never stuck around long enough for me to seriously feel like I'd ever act on them, but they've been there nonetheless, offering me that easy-to-get-to destination during the darkest periods of my journey. I've wondered what it might be like; I've even written a private piece of creative writing contemplating what it might be like to go through with ending one's own life, but even then my own mind stopped me from truly going through with it: the character in the short tale (who might as well have been me) was saved at the last second by a fictional character of my own creation who has always brought me great comfort ever since I first dreamed her up back in high school. Even in fiction, it was clear I didn't want to go through with it.

My life's not in a terrible place. I can't complain too much. But still the darkness comes from time to time; feelings of bleakness and hopelessness — and no-one around to go and hunt Odin with (there's a reference only FFXIV players will get) — that eventually dissipate into the wind, but which occasionally, from time to time, drift back, sometimes as the result of a careless word, sometimes due to something silly happening, sometimes just… because.

It's an unfortunate reality of life. And it's one that, over the years, I've come to know a significant proportion of people carry the burden of — even those who may seem bright, chipper and upbeat when you see them face-to-face. That public face isn't always the true face; inside, there might be unrest, pain, suffering, even the desire to end it all. You can never really know what someone is feeling unless they're feeling strong and safe enough to spell it out for you, like Dan did with the post I linked to above, and like I've done a few times here on this blog.

2014 has been a year of ups and downs for many of us. Here's hoping that 2015, which is just around the corner, errs on the side of "up" rather than "down".

1805: Christmas is Over

Well, it's the evening of Sunday December 28, and I'm counting down the hours until I have to get up at some ungodly hour in the morning and trudge all the way to work. (Okay, I drive most of it, but there's still an honest-to-goodness half-hour trudge at the other end, which I'm really not relishing in the current cold weather.)

The Christmas break has been nice, and the fact I'd spent the previous few months at work, away from home (as opposed to working from home as I was previously) has made me appreciate it somewhat more. I've enjoyed the time off, I've enjoyed having the opportunity to just relax without the pressure to "do" anything, and I've enjoyed having the time to indulge in some favourite games, TV shows and anime without time commitments.

I finished the Hanzou story in Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus today — that's one of the four stories in the game. I enjoyed it a lot; gameplay-wise, it's a significant improvement on the first game thanks to its jump to 3D, and its narrative is interesting. Throughout the course of the story, we learn some new things about the main cast as well as get introduced to the newcomers in this particular installment: the girls of the Gessen shinobi school, and the new members of the Hebijou school that Homura and her gang hailed from in the original game before being exiled following the events at Burst's finale.

My initial reaction to the Hanzou story was that I was slightly disappointed there weren't more of the visual novel sequences giving background on the girls and how they were feeling about various things — but on balance, I think there was a good amount. The game didn't try to do too much: it introduced one major plot/background point per character through several of these sequences peppered throughout the course of the entire narrative arc, and the rest of the story was delivered through snappy but enjoyable talking-heads sequences that were just about characters talking to one another, not narration. It worked well, and it teased just enough information about the Gessen girls to make me want to find out more about them: fortunately, I can now do just that by playing through their story, followed by Hebijou and finally Homura and her friends in the Crimson Squad.

I also, as we saw yesterday, made a start on Final Fantasy. I'll be writing more about that as I make more progress through it, though with my intended creative writing project in January this will likely be over on the Squadron of Shame forums rather than here.

I've also watched some anime for the first time in what feels like months; I've been continuing with the farming-themed series Silver Spoon, which was recommended to me by some anime-loving friends, and I've been reminded what a good show it is. It has an enjoyably understated plot about a teen boy feeling somewhat out of his depth in an agricultural academy, and some appealing, entertaining characters who occasionally reference recognisable anime tropes without being defined by them. There's one character in particular who looks like he would be more at home in a series like Dragon Ball Z, for example, so seeing him mucking out cows and working with chickens is rather entertaining, to say the least!

Anyway. Early-ish night for me tonight due to the aforementioned Danger of Work bell tolling, so I'll sign off there and simply say I hope you all had as restful and pleasant a Christmas as I had, and are looking forward to a good new year.

1804: First Fantasy

PSN finally came back up after some "hacker"-induced downtime over the Christmas period, so I took the opportunity to start filling my brand new 64GB memory card with Final Fantasy games — specifically, I-IX and Tactics, though there will also be a copy of the X/X-2 remasters added to that shortly, particularly if they end up in the PSN store's sale.

I made a start on Final Fantasy today. I've played this a couple of times over the years, though never the original NES version. Rather, my past forays into it have been on the Final Fantasy Origins version on PlayStation 1, an upgraded port with 16-bit-style visuals and a significantly enhanced soundtrack over the bleepy, blurpy NES chiptunes of the original. (It was also bundled with a similarly upgraded port of Final Fantasy II, which was also the first time that game had ever made it outside of Japan.)

This time around, however, I'm playing the PSP version on my Vita. I wasn't expecting anything particularly different from the Origins version, but already something feels a little different. The pacing feels better when it comes to levelling; it seems to take a lot less time to gain a level, leading to significantly less running around in circles fighting armies of wolves just to beef yourself up enough to enter the first dungeon. The magic system's adoption of a more traditional magic points system rather than the NES original's D&D-style "you can only cast this level of spells this many times" mechanic also makes White and Black Mages seem somewhat less useless, which is nice.

The original Final Fantasy is an odd beast, really. It's unmistakeably a Japanese role-playing game in look and feel, but it's clearly heavily inspired by Western fantasy, even going so far as to directly reference numerous Dungeons and Dragons elements such as monsters, races and the like. It's abundantly clear that Final Fantasy is Dungeons and Dragons through a Japanese lens, in other words, and it works rather well. It's actually relatively rare for Japanese role-playing games to play the fantasy tropes completely straight these days, as they often tend to incorporate elements of sci-fi along the way, making for a curiously distinctive mix of influences. Nowhere is this more apparent in the evolution of the Final Fantasy series over the years, which has all but abandoned its roots with the most recent installments — with the exception of XIV, which is deliberately very true to said roots, directly referencing past games at numerous junctures throughout.

The limitations of video game storytelling in the era when it was originally released are still apparent in the PSP rerelease, but the gameplay additions at least make it significantly more playable to a modern audience. I'll be interested to see what tweaks — if any — have been made to the somewhat idiosyncratic Final Fantasy II for its PSP incarnation, but I have quite a journey ahead of me before I can start that particular adventure.

For now, it's time to let Garland try and knock me all down… I have a suspicion he will be unsuccessful in his efforts, and the lovely Princess Sarah will be returned to her rightful place in Cornelia Castle before long.

1803: Another Shot at a Final Fantasy Marathon

A couple of times, I've attempted a fairly large gaming feat: to play through all the Final Fantasy games in order (with the exception of MMO XI, whose time-consuming nature means that "completing" it is a multi-year project that even many of the most dedicated players haven't finished) and observe the series' evolution over time.

For one reason or another, I've never made it right through the series, and consequently there are a couple of installments right in the middle that I've never played to completion, these being Final Fantasy V and Final Fantasy VI, both of which are regarded as some of the series' finest work with regard to game mechanics (in the case of V) and story (in the case of VI). It's not that I've never wanted to play these games through to completion, it's simply that I've allowed myself to get distracted by various other things and ended up losing my rhythm partway through a playthrough.

I've decided that I'd like to give it another go. This time around, I want to do something slightly different, however: this time around, I'm going to whack all the possible installments I can on my Vita and play them as handheld games. This means that I can do stuff like play through them on my lunch break at work as well as in bed, on the toilet or when I'm away from home. Final Fantasy wherever I go — an appealing prospect, being something of a fan of the series as a whole.

I'm also not going to get too hung up on each one being the only game I play at any given time, too. I will try and get through them in a timely manner, yes, but I'm also conscious of the fact that Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2 is out soon and I very much want to play that, and I'm also conscious of the fact that I have an astronomical backlog of games to play, many of which contain doe-eyed moe girls that I just can't resist the allure of for too long before giving in. So if I do feel the need to give in and play something like Akiba's Trip (which I own but haven't booted up yet) I'm not going to feel guilty about "betraying" my Final Fantasy mission.

I do, however, want to try my best to work my way through all the main Final Fantasy games (and possibly Tactics) too, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I think it'll be an enjoyable, cool thing to do: a journey through the very long history of one of gaming's most recognisable series. Secondly, there are a number of installments in the series that carry a strong degree of personal significance to me — fond memories of my younger days, and the way I felt when I first played them. Thirdly, although there are a couple of installments I've played several times — most notably VII, which I think is the game I've played through the most times to completion in my entire gaming career over the years — there are also some that I've only ever played through once (such as IX, X and X-2) that I'm keen to revisit, in some cases many years after I've played them. And then, of course, there's the matter of V and VI and the fact I've never beaten them at all.

What's brought this on, then? Well, aside from Final Fantasy XIV's love of referencing old games through both subtle and very obvious means, I got a copy of Theatrhythm Final Fantasy: Curtain Call for Christmas, and it's just reminded me that this is something I've wanted to do for quite some time now. And if I keep putting it off, I don't think I'll ever do it. So there's no time like the present, I guess; I've ordered a big-ass Vita memory card which should be here over the weekend, and then I'll be jumping right in with the first Final Fantasy very soon. I'll be chronicling my thoughts over at the Squadron of Shame forum as I progress through the various games; watch out for a link once I get underway.

1802: Merry Christmas!

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Merry Christmas to one and all! I hope you had a thoroughly pleasant and restful day — or, depending on your timezone, are still currently having a thoroughly pleasant and restful day. Andie and I spend ours over at her mother's house, and it was a fairly traditional family Christmas all round — get up late (I must confess that this wouldn't fly in my parents' house, since my mother insists we all get up early to open presents; out of all of us, she has always been the one who has actually managed to hold on to Christmas enthusiasm), eat food, eat more food, open presents, sit back and ponder how much food has been eaten, maybe pick at a bit more food (particularly that which has been acquired as a present, such as those boxes of chocolates and Danish butter cookies that you only ever seem to see around Christmas time) and then gradually sink in to perusing your presents in more detail, perhaps accompanied by some appropriately rubbish Christmas TV.

Neither Andie nor I watch much TV generally these days: we typically watch the things we want to watch at our own pace via on-demand services. As such, it was actually a semi-interesting experience to catch some real-time TV, and watch some of the sort of things that we'd probably never choose to watch deliberately.

First up was Professor Branestawm, a name which I recognised from my youth, but which I couldn't remember a whole lot about. If I remember correctly, the character was the star of a series of children's books, but the actual content of them hadn't stuck in my mind all that much. As I watched the new BBC adaptation, starring Harry Hill in the title role (and incorporating numerous other respected names like Charlie Higson, David Mitchell and numerous others), it came back to me, though; they were some enjoyably silly and distinctively British stories that retain their "children's story" feel even to this day (though inevitably, someone had to go and find the "social outsider" angle of the wacky professor problematic, joyless arses that modern entertainment journos are). The adaptation itself was a lot of fun: the cast was excellent, Hill played the title role with aplomb, and the whole thing didn't outstay its welcome, in fact arguably being over a little too quickly if anything.

Next up, today we caught an animated movie called Gnomeo and Juliet. It will probably not surprise you to discover that this was a retelling of Romeo and Juliet through the eyes of some garden gnomes, with the dispute between the Montagues and Capulets replaced by a bitter feud between the red- and blue-hatted gnomes in the gardens of two neighbours who disliked one another very much. It was an enjoyably silly affair with some nice animation and an excellent voice cast — including the masterful casting of Jason Statham as Tybalt — though I was slightly disappointed that they didn't have the guts to go through with the full tragic ending. At least it was lampshaded by a pleasingly witty statue of William Shakespeare, voiced wonderfully by the inimitable Patrick Stewart. And I guess you can't really have what is clearly a children's film ending with suicide. Probably a bad message to send to the young 'uns and all that.

Finally, we watched the Doctor Who Christmas special today. I haven't watched Doctor Who for ages; I got into it a little bit in the Christopher Ecclestone/David Tennant years and watched a few of the Matt Smith episodes — primarily for the vision of loveliness that is Karen Gillan, I must admit — but I haven't been following it closely for several years now, and haven't seen any of the Peter Capaldi episodes to date.

The episode in question was an enjoyable affair, albeit somewhat convoluted and totally ripping off Inception with the whole "dream within a dream" deal. It stood quite nicely by itself — I didn't feel like I needed to know much of the background about the characters, so even not having seen any Capaldi episodes I was able to feel like I could enjoy it on its own merits. I'm not sure it particularly made me want to jump on board the Doctor Who hype train — Capaldi's script in particular was a bit flat and uninteresting, with little of the Doctor's usual personality about it, and the tension between him and the female assistant character was entirely too predictable — but I don't feel like it wasted an hour of my life or anything; it was decent enough Christmas evening television and an appropriate enough accompaniment to biscuits and prawn rings.

Anyway. That's that. I hope you all had a suitably acceptable haul of presents to enjoy — I got a copy of the board game Betrayal at the House on the Hill, which I'm extremely excited to give a go soon, along with a bunch of other nice goodies.

And lots of food. I think we're good for snacks for the next six months or so.

Anyway. On that note, a merry Christmas to you, and to all a good night, or something.

1801: Pondering Some More Games of the Year

So I mentioned yesterday that this last year has been a pretty bumper crop for great games, and I gave a few examples of some titles that I've particularly enjoyed, primarily in the last couple of months or so. I thought I'd continue today with some thoughts on some other games from throughout the year that have stuck in my mind for one reason or another, and which consequently I feel are probably worth your time.

Velocity 2X

The original Velocity, a PlayStation Minis title, put Brighton-based developer FuturLab well and truly on my radar. Blending an Amiga-style aesthetic with some modern, interesting gameplay, Velocity was something I hadn't really come across before: a puzzle-shmup. It combined elements of vertically-scrolling shoot 'em ups with the mind-frying dimensional manipulation of games like Portal to create something enormously enjoyable, very distinctive and hugely addictive. I liked it so much I played through the whole thing again when they rereleased it with enhanced visuals on Vita under the name Velocity Ultra.

So it's fair to say that I was very much intrigued by the possibility of a sequel, particularly after I had the opportunity to get my hands on an early version at the Eurogamer Expo a while back, and test-drive the new side-scrolling platform sections. When the full game finally came out, I was delighted to discover that it very much lived up to its potential — and that even more so than its predecessor, it was a game that continually "evolved" the further through it you went, with each new level gradually introducing new mechanics to the player until the game you're playing in the latter stages is almost unrecognisable from how it was at the beginning.

It has a lovely aesthetic, some excellent music and some supremely tight controls — utterly necessary for a game so focused on speedrunning as this. It's a great addition to the PlayStation Vita's library of more "quick-hit" games that are good for pick-up-and-play fun when you have a few minutes to spare — seriously, fuck 95% of mobile phone games nowadays — and it's a supreme challenge for even the most skilled gamers out there.

Assault Android Cactus

I'm not sure this counts, given that it feels like it's been in development forever and is still in Early Access, but I've certainly played it a whole bunch this year and really enjoyed it. Moreover, it's been wonderful to see how the game has continued to grow and change as its development continues — not to mention the fact that its small development team are lovely people who are a pleasure to talk to, also.

Assault Android Cactus, even in its unfinished state, is an extremely solid take on the twin-stick shooter genre. Taking inspiration from Japanese bullet-hell shooters as much as more Western shmups such as Geometry Wars, Assault Android Cactus features an array of unique characters, each of whom have their own distinctive ways of attacking and fending off enemies. Some are conventional enough, others are… less so. For some players, it'll be a matter of pride to master the more offbeat characters like Aubergine; for others, they'll want to chase high scores with the more "traditional" characters like the eponymous heroine Cactus.

Assault Android Cactus benefits from a clear and easily understood scoring system — something which many of its Japanese influences cannot boast! — and there's a strong emphasis on chasing the elusive "S+" rank for each level by attempting to chain all your kills together into a single combo while avoiding death. This is easier said than done on some levels — particularly the challenging boss encounters, which will give even the most seasoned veterans of the 8- and 16-bit era a run for their money.

I'm really looking forward to the finished version of this great game… and I'm especially looking forward to being able to take it on the go with me thanks to the upcoming Vita version!

Demon Gaze

I'm not going to pretend Demon Gaze is the best RPG I've ever played, but I have to give it an enormous amount of credit for getting me into a subgenre of RPGs that I've never really "clicked" with: the grid-based dungeon-crawler, or "gridder" to some.

Demon Gaze was enjoyable and unusual. Its Vocaloid-heavy soundtrack gave it a very distinctive audio-visual aesthetic, while its environments were varied and a lot of fun to explore. The Demon's Souls-style online features, whereby other players could leave messages on the floor for you to discover, were a lot of fun and occasionally helpful, even amid all the distinctly… inappropriate messages that were also left adorning the dungeon floor at times. The level design was wonderful, making use of simple but effective mechanics like one-way doors, forced movement panels, floors that damaged you and other staples of the genre to create some challenging levels that taxed your brain. And the combat, although simplistic, was enjoyable and nicely streamlined.

It had a surprisingly enjoyable story, too. My past experience with dungeon-crawlers is that they've tended to skimp a bit on the narrative front, which is one of the things I tended to find most offputting — I'm a narrative junkie, after all. Demon Gaze, however, managed to strike a good balance between the mechanics-heavy dungeon crawling and the somewhat fantasy soap opera-esque happenings that went on back at the inn any time you accomplished something significant. The memorable cast of characters with whom you'd interact between forays into the dungeons more than made up for your custom-created party members' relative lack of personality, though pleasingly, the game at least made an effort to incorporate said party members into "background narration" of numerous scenes just so they didn't feel completely irrelevant to the narrative as a whole.

It was a challenging game, too, though arguably a little inconsistent with its difficulty level. It starts incredibly tough, gets much, much easier as you level — so much so that I had to whack up the difficulty level to its highest to have any sort of challenge whatsoever — and then gets monstrously difficult again right at the end, particularly if you choose to pursue the optional post-game extra ending, which you really should if you want to say you've had the full experience.

Demon Gaze was definitely one of my biggest surprises this year, and it makes me much more inclined to seek out other dungeon-crawlers in the future — something I wouldn't have thought to do prior to giving it a shot.

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More to come in the next few days.

1800: Pondering Some Games of the Year

It's getting to that time of year where it's time for everyone to start considering their own personal "Games of the Year", as if someone declaring something their Game of the Year is in any way meaningful or impactful on the experiences of others. Regardless, many of us still do it, if only as a means of celebrating the experiences we've found the most memorable over the course of the last twelve months.

This year I don't really have a single Game of the Year as such, but there are a number of titles I feel are worth making specific mention of. So I'm going to mention them right now.

Steins;Gate

Previously, I knew Steins;Gate was a well-respected visual novel and anime series, but little else about it. When visual novel specialist JAST USA picked it up for localisation and publishing, however, I knew that I should probably to play it, if only to know what it was all about.

I wasn't disappointed.

Spinning an interesting, exciting but plausible sci-fi tale, Steins;Gate is an unconventional time-travel/parallel dimensions story featuring an extremely memorable cast of characters, a very well-realised setting (Akihabara and the surrounding area in Tokyo) and a compelling story that, although lengthy, certainly didn't outstay its welcome.

Steins;Gate will likely prove frustrating to some due to its pure visual novel nature, and the fact that the choices you make throughout are handled in a somewhat odd manner by interacting with the protagonist's phone. If you treat it as a multi-path story rather than a "game" as such, however, you're in for an absolute treat: it's one of the most exciting, thrilling and thought-provoking sci-fi stories I've had the pleasure of experiencing for quite some time.

To say too much more would be spoileriffic, but suffice it to say that Steins;Gate blends fantasy and (obviously well-researched) reality together to create a very coherent, solid whole that is eminently worth your time.

Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn

This one doesn't really count as it came out last year, though I have been continually playing it since last summer, which is noteworthy in itself. Moreover, it's seen four major content patches since its original release, expanding the content on offer to players to nearly twice as much what was in there at launch. Pretty impressive stuff.

The reason why I'm still enamoured with Final Fantasy XIV is the promise for the future. The next major patch promises to wrap up the 2.0 storyline with some sort of Exciting Happenings, then after that it's into the expansion Heavensward (teased above), which promises all manner of new things going on — most noteworthy among them being whole new zones to explore, because although Final Fantasy XIV's patches have greatly expanded the number of dungeons and boss fights available for players to take on, the game's rather small world (by MMO standards, anyway — it's still pretty sprawling if you go around on foot) has remained the same size throughout, with only the town of Revenant's Toll in the Mor Dhona region undergoing noticeably significant renovations over time.

It's been interesting to play a game such as this at high level for such a long period of time. I feel I know the game very well by now, but there are still things I am learning, and the most challenging stuff in the game — we're currently working through the raid dungeon The Second Coil of Bahamut — is still genuinely challenging, even with high-level gear and a party of players that knows the encounter at least reasonably well. I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds for Eorzea and its surrounding lands.

Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1

Regular readers will know all about my love for the Hyperdimension Neptunia series, despite its numerous flaws. Re;Birth1 is, to date, the best game in the series, bringing in the solid gameplay of Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory and coupling it with a retelling of the first game's story.

Neptunia's core appeal for me is twofold: firstly, it's simply fun to play. The battle system is hugely enjoyable — if occasionally unbalanced — and it's that rare thing: an RPG where it's a pleasure to grind.

The second core appeal element is to do with its cast of characters, all of whom I absolutely adore. Neptune's hyperactive, childish nature is wonderfully contrasted with the tsundere personality of Noire, the quiet-but-occasionally-prone-to-rage Blanc, the "older sister" Vert and the other supporting characters, and the story, while silly fluff for the most part, is told in such a charming manner — featuring frequent fourth-wall breaking to bring the player into the experience alongside these cute girls — that it's difficult not to sit there with a huge smile on your face while playing through it.

I'm reliably informed that Re;Birth2 and Re;Birth3 are even better, so I can't wait to try them for myself: Re;Birth2 is coming West very soon indeed, and Re;Birth3 hit Japan recently, so we can expect it over here sometime soon-ish, hopefully!

Senran Kagura

I first encountered the Senran Kagura series early this year, and I'm absolutely hooked. Burst brought me an updated version of a game genre I've always been fond of — the 2D side-scrolling Streets of Rage-style brawler — and combined it with cute anime girls and a surprisingly strong story. Subsequent installment Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus — which also made it out this year — brought the gameplay into 3D fully intact, from what I can tell so far, and has cemented my love of the series. And as for Bon Appetit… well. All I can say is "L-lewd!"

The core appeal of Senran Kagura for me is not the fact that its cast is exclusively attractive women with massive knockers — although I'm certainly not complaining about this. (Aside: I actually rather like the fact that Senran Kagura's cast is, on the whole, somewhat on the more "curvy" side than many other video game and anime characters — and not just in the boob area.) Rather, it's about the fact that these characters are actually all very well-defined personalities, and the game explores them in great depth over the course of its unfolding narrative.

Knowing nothing about the game before playing it, I was very surprised to discover numerous levels opening not with short cutscenes then getting straight into the action, but with half-hour-plus visual novel sequences narrated from the perspectives of various different characters. By presenting the story in this manner, the player gets a uniquely personal perspective on the unfolding events as well as the opportunity to "hear" what they're thinking as well as saying. Normally in visual novels, we only get to hear the innermost thoughts of the protagonist character — normally, though not always, intended to be a self-insert for the player and consequently deliberately rather bland. Here, conversely, we're not playing "as" the girls; we're getting the opportunity to learn about them by effectively riding along inside their head as they come to terms with growing up as young shinobi, often on different sides to their friends.

My experiences with the three Senran Kagura games I've had the pleasure of playing to date means that this series is now right up there with Hyperdimension Neptunia in terms of games I'll happily rush out and buy without a second thought the moment they're released. Not bad for a game best known for T&A.

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These are just a few of the games I've had the pleasure of playing this year. They're mostly games I played recently, I'm aware, so over the next couple of days I'm going to rack my brains a bit and think about some of the other games I've played that are particularly noteworthy, and share the joy with you lot a little bit.

That and frantically wrapping presents. It's nearly Christmas, after all.