1881: Path to Redemption

I'm in the process of finishing up Criminal Girls: Invite Only on Vita, and I've been really pleasantly surprised how good it ended up being. I'm planning on writing something a bit more in-depth for MoeGamer when I've beaten it properly, but I thought I'd share a few thoughts on here for those who don't visit MoeGamer, or for those who just want to hear some disjointed ramblings about it now.

It's easy to write Criminal Girls off as an oversexualised mess of an RPG, with a gratutiously exploitative minigame in which you spank, electrocute, drip liquid on and tickle a series of young women posing in suggestive positions. And indeed, even with the "pink mist" censorship introduced in the Western release of the game (and the loss of the girls' voices in these sequences) these sequences are pretty clearly sexual in nature: everything from the poses they're in to the provocative outfits they wear and their reactions after you've, uh, finished — all point to something that while it isn't outright explicit, is certainly rather close to the, if you'll pardon the expression, bone.

But, as with most material of this nature, it bears further exploration, and doing so reveals something a lot more interesting. Why are these sequences there in the first place? From a gameplay perspective, you're expected to complete them in order to unlock the girls' new abilities through five different "tiers", with each tier involving a slight variation on the touchscreen-based minigame. From a narrative perspective, you're "motivating" these girls — who are dead and in Hell, but being given a second chance — to try harder in their struggle for redemption, though in the original Japanese script, still audible through the Japanese-only voice acting, the wording was おしおき (oshioki: punishment) rather than "motivation". If we're being super-picky, we're not actually spanking, electrocuting, dribbling on and tickling the girls themselves; in the minigame you're removing "temptations" from their bodies via various means, and the removal of these "temptations" allows them to take a step closer to being free of sin and becoming "Blameless".

Interestingly, the girls' reactions to this treatment changes significantly throughout the course of the game. Early on, they react with fear and anger when you approach them with the intention of indulging in some "motivation time" and clench their teeth in pain afterwards; by the end of the game, however, they're starting to sound like they're actually enjoying themselves, even going so far as to praise you in some instances.

This can be interpreted in a number of different ways, not all of them positive, but given the themes of the game's narrative as a whole, it's pretty apparent that this is symbolic of the growing level of trust between these "delinquents" and the player-protagonist self-insert character. By the end of the game, they trust the player-protagonist completely, and are aware that the removal of their temptations brings them closer to redemption, in turn making them more powerful and more likely to succeed. A turning point in the story comes with all of the main cast confronting the sins that landed them in Hell in the first place, and it's only through the bonds of trust they've built between one another and with the player-protagonist that they're able to make it through this experience unscathed.

I'm yet to see how the story reaches its several conclusions, but I'm very interested to find out. It has been, for sure, one of the most unusual role-playing games I've played for a long time, both in gameplay and narrative terms, and one that I feel I'll be remembering for quite some time after it's left my Vita.

And no, not just for the kinky pictures.

1880: Better

Well, today was a somewhat more positive day. I took a trip for the interview I mentioned yesterday, and it was a very positive meeting. Remains to be seen whether anything will come of that, but in the meantime I also have some other business I can pursue. So we'll have to wait and see on that for now.

Happy to reach another weekend, even though the concept is relatively meaningless for me at present. I'm still on something of a PAX comedown, I think; I had such a great time over in Boston that coming back to the stark realities of my current situation was somewhat… jarring, hence yesterday's frustration. Onwards and upwards, though, I guess. Hopefully.

On an unrelated note, our Final Fantasy XIV Free Company is being fun at the moment. It seems that everyone has had the same idea as me — that they want to level all of the classes to 50 before the release of the expansion Heavensward in June of this year — and thus there are lots of people playing jobs they don't normally play in lower-level dungeons. It's fun to see people play stuff they're less familiar with, and it's also fun to get to know some of the other classes that I haven't tried out quite so much.

Today I've been playing a bit of Warrior, which is a tank class, and Bard, which is a DPS class with some support elements. I'd held off on levelling Warrior in particular because I couldn't think how it would feel that different from Paladin, which is my "main" class at present. It does have a distinctly different feel, though; just the animations and sound effects make this axe-wielding job feel a lot more cumbersome and hard-hitting than the relatively nimble, graceful-feeling swordplay of Paladins. The cooldown between skills is still the same, but it's surprising quite what a difference just those elements make. It's a more complex job overall, too, with a lot more possible actions to take at any given moment. Paladin is mostly about trying to mitigate damage as much as you can; as Warrior, you have a bit more flexibility and can put out some eminently respectable damage just by yourself. That flexibility means that there are a lot more abilities you use a lot more often, however; I'm not sure I love it, yet, but it's interesting to see the contrast, and it gives me hope that Dark Knight will provide a unique experience again despite being another tank class.

Bard, meanwhile, is a joy to play, and a big contrast from Black Mage, my main DPS class to date. Bard's ability to move while attacking is a complete change from the fixed-in-place heavy artillery nature of Black Mage, and it's a lot of fun. Playing Bard feels very "technical", for want of a better word; there's lots of keeping an eye on your abilities and triggering the appropriate ones at the right time. There's also a lot more "weaving" than other classes — i.e. slipping in extra skills that don't use the "global cooldown" timer between your regular attacks — which makes for some satisfying improvised combos rather than the more fixed sequences that many other classes use.

There's still plenty more to do to get to 50 — Warrior and Bard are both in the mid-30s so far, Pugilist (which later becomes Monk) is just level 15, as is Arcanist (which becomes Scholar and Summoner, arguably two of the most complex classes thanks to their use of pets) and I'm yet to try Lancer (later Dragoon) at all. Then there's all the crafting and gathering stuff to do, as well… I'm going to be busy for a while, but I have confidence I'll be well-placed by the time Heavensward comes out. And then it will be time for all-new adventures!

And what adventures they'll be, if this preview video is anything to go by. Can't wait.

1879: Progress, or the Lack Thereof

I am frustrated. I know I shouldn't be, because fixing problems such as those I'm having with my life right now (i.e. not having a job) takes time. But that doesn't stop it from being frustrating and anxiety-inducing, particularly when things like utility bills pop through the letterbox while I don't have a meaningful income.

There are, at least, some things on the horizon. Tomorrow I'm going to an interview for a freelance, work-from-home opportunity that will hopefully provide something to do and some money coming in. Unfortunately, I don't as yet know whether the money it might provide will be meaningful enough to make taking the opportunity worthwhile — particularly as it apparently requires a month of training in their offices in Watford, which is an hour and a half's drive away — but I figured, at present, any opportunity is better than no opportunity, and attending an interview like this is at least a chance to get a feel for what is out there, what it might pay and whether it's something worth pursuing.

Nothing has happened on the private music teaching front as yet. I'd like it to, and I've got some advertising out there, joined the Musicians' Union and all manner of other business, but still nothing as yet. I have had some business cards made, too, which I will attempt to distribute via some means in the near future, likely to local music shops and possibly supermarkets if the facility is there to put community notices up.

Work for the local music service has been going a little better, though I'm painfully aware that the work I have been doing over the last couple of weeks is just sickness cover and consequently will likely dry up within another week or two. Still, it means I've had the opportunity to show my stuff and potentially open myself up for some further work in the future. Whether or not that will lead to anything meaningful, again, remains to be seen.

So you can probably see why I'm feeling a bit frustrated and anxious. There are several things going on that might prove worthwhile, but which also might end up being a total waste of time. It's nigh-impossible to know what is actually worth pursuing, what will make me happy and what will bring in enough money to allow me to survive, and the whole business is stressing me out to a ridiculous degree. I just want it sorted, and I want it sorted now. I have plenty to offer the world, but it seems making the world pay attention is not a particularly easy task. And when it proves this difficult to be considered for even the most mundane of jobs, it leaves me questioning myself to an unpleasant degree: have I fucked things up beyond all hope?

Probably not, says the rational part of my brain. But it's hard not to keep returning to that thought when all I see in my wake is a string of aborted — failed? — attempts at having a career. I'm running out of ideas.

1878: Would You Like Dinner, A Bath or Me?

Spent a bit of time reading through the rulebook for Maid: The Role-Playing Game today. It's an interesting one in that the actual core rules for the game only take up about 20 or so pages of a 200+ page book, so it's pretty straightforward to play; the remainder of the rulebook consists of "replays" (apparently a common inclusion in Japanese role-playing game books, essentially taking the form of a transcribed game session — a good means of getting a feel for how everything works) along with scenarios and optional rules to make the game more interesting than it already is… which is very interesting indeed.

What's most intriguing about Maid is that it offers the potential for a wide variety of experiences. Most role-playing games can boast this owing to the fact that they're essentially improvisatory theatre with a bit of dice-rolling involved, but in many cases they're tied to a specific style of play. Dungeons and Dragons, for example, is geared very much towards Western-style fantasy (and, in the case of 4th Edition in particular, a very combat-heavy experience), while Vampire: The Masquerade is designed for modern-day intrigue and role-playing, with combat being somewhat more incidental. Maid, meanwhile, is flexible enough to cater to pretty much any setting you can think of, and to involve scenarios that range from the mundane to the ridiculous. It is indeed possible to play Maid as a straight-up simulation of being a maid for the master of a household, but I get the impression it's a lot more fun when you start throwing in some of the more ridiculous elements.

Even this is flexible, though; you can put in some lightweight nonsense purely through the character creation process, which provides the opportunity to create everything from demure gothic Lolitas to hammer-wielding robot women with sexual perversions that would make the Internet blush. You can jack up the ridiculousness by including some of the optional rules — such as the "Seduction" rules, which allow maids to gain "Favour" points from sources other than the master of the house through… umm… various means — and truly take things to the max by including the rules for random events. The game explicitly warns you that using random events is very likely to throw anything vaguely pre-scripted completely off the rails, and indeed it's even possible to run a complete game purely through random events if you see fit.

Chaos appears to be a central part of Maid, and it's often player-led. The aforementioned random events can be triggered by players when they spend the "Favour" points they've earned throughout the course of the game, meaning that the players can wilfully cause chaos for the poor GM almost at will. It's part of the character and theme of the game — it's supposed to be inspired by wacky, slapstick anime comedy, and indeed maid-type characters in this sort of show are often somewhat chaotic in nature, with strange things happening around them. (In the optional rules, the chaos of the maids is sharply contrasted with the orderly nature of the Butler character, who isn't allowed to trigger random events and is often penalised for certain things that maids might be rewarded for — like taking advantage of the Seduction rules.)

I'm really interested to give it a go at some point. Question is, will I be able to find players open-minded enough to explore it with me, or will it be a case of some Skype-based sessions with my Final Fantasy XIV/PAX friends, whom I know all appreciate it for what it is…?

1877: Aaaaand We're Back

Made it home, though my last flight from Dublin back to Southampton was delayed by two hours and the heating appeared to be broken in the part of Dublin's airport that I had to wait for my flight in. It was very cold indeed and not the sort of experience I wanted before 7am. But the time eventually passed — assisted partly by Criminal Girls, whose "Education Block" chapter has made the whole experience very much worthwhile — and I got on the noisy shed-with-wings that was to carry me back to my home town, and that was that.

Unfortunately, the two-hour delay meant that I missed out on a few hours of work (and, consequently, money) today, but there's not a lot I can do about that, unfortunately. I have several hours of work tomorrow, though, so that will help, and from here I can start trying to get myself into some sort of routine, working on various different things over the course of the week in an attempt to (hopefully) make ends meet somehow.

I'm a little worried about the future, to be perfectly honest. Right now it's quite difficult to determine quite how much money I'll be able to get rolling in each month, but I guess that's something I'll be able to figure out with time — coupled with determining how much time I need to spend chasing paying work up, and how much time I have to pursue other projects which may or may not lead to something. It's anxiety-inducing, but at least it's not stressful and soul-destroying in the same way that being systematically bullied out of a "regular" job has proven to be on more than one occasion in my life. So I guess there's that.

In the meantime, I have some fond memories of the weekend just gone to look back on, and I'm glad about that. We've already been confusing people with talk of vampire zombie maids and poisonous war elephants, and it's clear that everyone had a good time, albeit an exhausting one.

I shall sleep extremely well tonight, I'm sure. At 20 past 10 in the evening, I'm struggling to keep my eyes open; I did the final boss of Syrcus Tower in Final Fantasy XIV mostly with my eyes shut. (It's quite easy.) So I think it's probably time to admit defeat to the exhaustion of the last few days that has finally caught up with me, slump into bed and fall asleep. That, at least, is satisfying; while I'm sad to have left my friends behind, it's also good to be home, and back to my own bed.

1876: Connecting Flight

Good morning from Dublin! Today has been a very long day. Technically it's already "tomorrow" but I haven't yet made it home from Boston (my connecting flight leaves in a couple of hours) so I thought I'd take the opportunity to scribble a quick post.

This PAX weekend has been pretty much everything I hoped it would be. I had a great time with my friends, I saw some cool stuff at the show and I picked up some fun swag.

Most importantly, we successfully carried a number of formerly Internet-only relationships into the offline realm. Doing this is always a nerve-wracking experience — regardless of whether said relationship is platonic, romantic or anything else — and so it's always a pleasure when things come together and we all get along.

I actually wasn't too worried this time around, though. Something brought us all together in the world of Final Fantasy XIV and the fact most of us have been together for nigh on two years now says something positive about us and what we mean to one another. There have been tough times, as with any relationship, and people have come and gone over time, but the people with whom I spent my weekend represent a core group that I have always very much enjoyed spending virtual time with — and it turns out I enjoy spending real time with, too. It's just a pity we're all so scattered.

"I'm glad everyone is exactly how they seem to be," said one of our number last night, possibly slightly fuelled by a beer or two. "It means that everyone's genuine. And that we're all as fucked up as each other."

That latter point is key, and not necessarily a bad thing. Almost without exception, we've all had Shit to Deal With to varying degrees over the years, and our adventures in Eorzea have provided not only some much-needed escape at times, but also an outlet through which we can talk about the things that have been bothering us with like-minded individuals.

And that is immeasurably valuable; in an age where it seems people are drifting further and further apart from one another for various reasons, it's comforting to have a group that is pretty much always there for you. I know I'm grateful for these friends, and I'm sure they are too.

Now coffee is calling, closely followed by a connecting flight, a taxi ride back home and then almost straight back out (hopefully with time for a shower first!) to go and teach clarinet to kids. It's all go, huh. I shall sleep well tonight, for sure.

1875: Ohayou, Goshujin-Sama

Third day of PAX East today, but the main thing I want to talk about tonight is what we've been collectively doing for the past couple of hours: creating characters in Maid: The Role-Playing Game, an anime-inspired tabletop roleplaying game that I hadn't even heard of this weekend.

Maid is a peculiar and hilarious game, heavily based on random generation. Of course, you can pick and choose the characteristics you want to customise things a bit more, but the true joy of character creation in Maid comes from rolling dice and seeing what on Earth happens.

For example, the character I rolled was a boyish lolita (who actually is a guy) with an overactive imagination who was born into a hereditary line of maids and who binge eats when she has a "stress explosion". Another character rolled by one of our number was a super-cool blind ninja maid who wields a raygun (called Ray Charles… work it out) and who is actually a traitorous infiltrator of the master's household. There's a huge combination of characteristics, which make for some hilariously complex and deeply flawed characters.

We've spent about two hours creating characters and haven't actually tried playing the game at all yet, but it's been an absolute blast. From what I understand, it can be played in three different ways: purely based on randomly generated events, as a more structured "adventure" or in a competitive manner where all the maid players are attempting to win as much "favour" from the master as possible.

I've ordered my own copy of the game, since when I went to try and pick it up today at PAX it had sold out — apparently it's been a popular product for the past few years ever since it first came to light. Fortunately, I found that Amazon had a copy for a pretty cheap price, so I'm looking forward to perusing it at my leisure when I get home. And perhaps — hopefully — convincing some of my more open-minded friends to give it a try at some point!

It's a fine example of the creativity that you'll come across if you head a little bit off the beaten track — not just in video games, but also in tabletop games and other media, too. It's a gloriously chaotic game that doesn't take itself anywhere near as seriously as some of the more established tabletop role-playing games — not that that's anything negative in itself, but sometimes you don't want the hardcore "weight" of a Dungeons and Dragons and just want to play something a little… ridiculous. And Maid certainly appears to cater to that.

Can't wait to give it a proper try.

1874: PAX East, Day Two

Day two of PAX East today, and I'm getting much the same feeling as I had last time I came: the feeling that I'm among "my people", and that everyone here is having a good time, whether they're fat bearded nerds wandering around ogling the latest excitingness in gaming or computer parts, or some of the staggeringly beautiful cosplayers who have been gracing the show floor.

Today we caught the Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward panel, which gave some details about the upcoming expansion pack for the reason we're all here. It's releasing on June 23rd, so that's some time to get caught up — though it's also just before our wedding, so… well. Honeymoon in Eorzea it is… or, rather, honeymoon in Ishgard, I should say.

One thing that's struck me during this visit is quite what an all-encompassing medium video games is. People here are passionate about their hobby. In the Final Fantasy XIV panel, for example, people gave director/producer Naoki Yoshida two standing ovations (aside: how many other game makers can truly boast a fanbase that passionate?) Elsewhere, there's beautiful artwork based on video games, live music performances based on classic video game tracks, incredible, distinctive T-shirt designs and all manner of other goodness. It's a pleasure to be a part of.

I've managed to pick up a couple of PSone games that I used to own, too; there's quite a few "retro" game stores around the show floor, so I've managed to pick up copies of Parasite Eve, which I played back in the day, and Chrono Cross, which never released in Europe and which I've always been curious to play. I don't know if I'll play them immediately, but I'm happy to have them on my shelf.

Tomorrow I'm not sure what the plan is, but hopefully we'll have the opportunity to get our hands on a few games. There's a few interesting indie games that I'm hoping to have a play around with, ranging from the entertaining-sounding party game Move or Die to some Japanese PC doujin goodness from Playism.

For now, we're probably going to play a maid-themed RPG then head to bed. I'm exhausted, but I'm having a great time.

1872: Long Trip

I'm in Boston! PAX East proper starts tomorrow, so today was all about actually getting to the place, getting together with people and then just bumming around to have a bit of fun.

I was a little stressed out at the prospect of the journey, to be honest. When I'm going abroad, I usually travel with other people whom I can rely on and ask questions of, so this was a relatively new experience to me. Still, I got through safely, and my bag even arrived at the same time as I did, which is the main thing I was worried about.

The reason I was a little anxious was that this was also the first time I'd taken a multi-stage trip to the States — in this case, flying from my local airport Southampton to Dublin, then onwards from there to Boston. I was particularly interested to discover that Dublin airport has a "pre-clearance" area for visitors to the States. I hadn't come across this before, but it appears to be an extremely good idea: rather than wasting hours of time after you've been stuck on a plane for hours, pre-clearance allows you to do all the immigration and passport control nonsense before you actually take your flight. It's actually sort of surreal; it looks like you're entering the States — there are pictures of Obama and everything — but in reality you're just heading for a normal airport gate.

When I arrived at Boston I successfully navigated the subway system to the hotel I'm staying at with my friends; this cost a fraction of the price of getting a cab, so it was an infinitely preferable option given that my funds are somewhat limited at present.

I'm not sure what we're going to see at PAX tomorrow; for one thing, we're probably going to take on the Final Fantasy XIV battle challenge and fight Shiva in the hope of winning a T-shirt, but other than that, I couldn't tell you yet.

For now, though, it's after midnight (here) and my body clock still probably reckons it's about 6:15 in the morning, so I better go to bed. Night!

1871: Imminent Departure

In a few short hours, I'm catching a flight to Dublin… and then on to Boston, Massachusetts (or however you spell it) to attend video game expo and general nerd convention PAX East.

I'm really looking forward to it. Last time I attended, as I've mentioned previously on here, was back in 2010, when I was going through a bit of a shitty time in my life. Once again, it seems, my trip to the States has coincided with a somewhat shitty time in my life, albeit for different (and slightly less horrible, though not by a huge amount) reasons than last time around. Once again, I am looking to the trip to take my mind off things for a few days and to remind myself that yes, I do have friends, not everything in life is terrible and that sometimes, occasionally, it is possible to have a good time and be happy.

I'm not sure what I'm going to see at PAX. In some ways, I'm not even sure I care too much; I'm going more for the overall experience, to have the opportunity to see some things I might not normally have the opportunity to see, and to hang out with friends who have become an important part of my life. It's not the first time I've met a group of "Internet friends" and made their real-life acquaintance, but it is the first time I've done so with a single game we all play together as a basis.

I ended up having a somewhat heartfelt discussion with my Free Company-mates in Final Fantasy XIV the other night, and I admitted that the game had been something of a "lifeline" for me through some difficult times. I was unsurprised to discover that I was far from the only person who felt that way; the frequency with which I see my virtual comrades online makes it abundantly clear how important the experience is to them, for various reasons — be it the opportunity to hang out with virtual friends, to go on virtual adventures, to try and be the best at a challenging game or any other reason people might have to log in day after day.

The "friends" part is important, though. We've all "known" one another for a good proportion of time now; some of us have been playing the game since beta, which means we've been playing for coming up on two full years. Others joined more recently but integrated themselves into the overall group without too much trouble; other people left and went their own way; others took a break and came back, hopefully to stay. Being a cooperative game, it's a game that is, at least in part, about trust: everyone has a role to play. People trust the tanks to keep the rest of the party from being punched in the face. People trust the healers to keep them alive. People trust the damage-dealers to kill things as quickly and effectively as possible. Together, it's a wonderfully satisfying feeling, and the more we've played together — because most of us will partner up with one another rather than strangers by preference — the more we've come to know each other, trust one another and have fun together.

This is why I'm looking forward to PAX. It's an opportunity to hang out in the flesh with these people I've come to regard as real friends. Even if very few of us are as pretty (or, indeed, as female!) as our in-game characters. 🙂

Updates may be sporadic over the next few days as I'll be reliant on public/hotel Internet, but expect something from me… hopefully! If not, I'll write stuff anyway and publish in a big splurge when I get back. 🙂