The world is full of "stuff". Some of it is good. Examples of good stuff include trifle, Spotify, refrigerators, kung po chicken, those marker pens that smell of fruit, pianos (so long as they are in tune), friends, hot chocolate with whipped cream, people who are nice, digital cameras, the Squadron of Shame, Civilization IV, headphones with comfortable earpieces, that Original Mint Source shower gel (so long as you don't get it on your bellend or up your arse), lamb tikka dhansak, Twitter, gin and tonic and, of course, the music from Space Channel 5.
But there are just as many—if not more—things that the world really doesn't need any more of. In fact, some of these things I'd argue the world doesn't really need at all. Because, in many cases, we got along just fine without them before they were invented.
Here is a selection of things the world could do with significantly less of.
1. Redundant information signs on motorways
"QUEUE CAUTION," says the ungrammatical sign in bold, orange, backlit capital letters. Your car is not moving. Not because you stopped to read the sign. No, your car is stopped because it's in a queue. You were aware of the fact your car was in a queue long before a sign informed you of this fact. As it happens, since the sign informing you that yes, you are in a queue appeared approximately two miles after the queue started, it feels somewhat like it's mocking you. As such, you decide to shout at the sign.
The sign does not respond.
2. Suit jackets with fake pockets
Clothes either have pockets or they don't. If you're a girl and you like wearing pretty dresses, chances are you don't have pockets very often. As such, you may well carry a handbag for the express purpose of carrying around your "stuff". Said pretty dresses don't tend to have pretend pockets for some unspecified purpose.
Gentlemen, on the other hand, are used to having pockets. The typical gentleman's attire features pockets on the trousers at the very least, and jackets usually have pockets as well. So when a suit that looks like it has pockets but doesn't comes along, that's a sure-fire ticket to frustration city. Particularly when you try and put something in the jacket pocket instead of the trouser pocket because when you put things in your trouser pockets your trousers fall down because you forgot to bring a belt and you can't put anything in the jacket pocket because it isn't actually a pocket despite looking like one and ARRRGH HOLD THIS FOR A MINUTE WILL YOU?
3. People who talk about fashion as if it's a science
Shut up. Just stop talking bollocks. People can wear whatever they want. Most people have a pretty good idea that wearing something in a fluorescent colour is probably going to make you stand out a bit, and wearing strappy shoes with big heels may well make you 1) fall over and 2) have hurty feet. When some jumped-up hussy comes on TV explaining to everyone that the particular shade of brown you see in front of you is the "perfect shade for summer" (despite it being purple last year, and yellow the year before) everyone should yell, as one, "FUCK OFF".
Fashion is not a science. You know what is a science? Science.
4. The adjectival phrase "must-have"
If you took the term "must-have" at face value and immediately purchased everything described as such, you would be very poor indeed. "Must-have" items often tend to be expensive and/or pointless, and there is some crossover with the world of people who talk about fashion as if it's a science.
No, that handbag is not a "must-have" item. It is something that someone rich who likes gaudy silver handbags might enjoy purchasing.
Genuinely "must-have" items for acceptable functioning in modern society include: water, underpants, trousers/skirts, shirts/blouses/t-shirts, shoes, a toilet (arguable, given the stench coming from some doorways in Southampton on a Friday night), soap, deodorant, food of some description.
5. Extremism
If you are a terrorist, you are quite possibly an extremist. You hold an extreme viewpoint, and in your case, you're prepared to die for it.
But extremism isn't just about terrorism. It's also about the people who bring out the tired old "Britain is full!" line when talking about immigration. The people who believe that all Muslims are terrorists. The people who use the phrase "YOU'RE IN ENGLAND, SPEAK ENGLISH". And on the other end of the spectrum, people who describe anyone with an opposing viewpoint to their own as a "Nazi". People who go on a march for a cause which isn't entirely clear to anyone except themselves. People who protest for the sake of protesting, rather than actually having something worthwhile to protest about.
All of you, just stop it. Shut up. You both sound ridiculous. And as for you, Captain Terrorist? Attention-seeking of the highest order. Grow up.
6. Companies whose purpose their own employees can't explain
I've told this story a number of times before, but there was a time when I did some temping for a local "loss adjusting" company. On a side note, this was the only job I've had which literally bored me to tears on several occasions. And that's not an exaggeration.
Anyway, the point is this: this company dealt with issues so boring that no-one else would ever want anything to do with them, let alone have a burning desire to enter that profession. But the sheer string of companies that charged exorbitant rates per hour that their "cases" went through was ridiculous. In one case relating to tree-related subsidence on a property adjacent to a Transport For London-owned railway, the clients made a claim to the insurance company, who contacted the loss adjusters, who sent in some engineers to look at the damage, who sent in some builders to give a quote for repairs who hired some solicitors to sue Transport for London for the costs and then hired some draftsmen to write up said costs who then hired some other solicitors to recover the costs from someone else who then… I fell asleep by this point.
Ask an employee of a company like this "what do you do?" and if they spend more than three seconds thinking or going "umm", then that company doesn't really need to exist.
7. Doorstep salesmen
"Hi! Would you like to…"
"No. Goodbye."
*SLAM*
There are many, many more things the world could do with significantly less of. Evil people. Cheaters. Assholes. Murderers. Men who walk into shops with their shirts off. R&B singers. Jedward fans. Types of cigarette. Brands of bottled water. Rapists. People who flash their fullbeams at you when you're in the right-hand lane going 90+ mph overtaking people on your left. Onions. County council employees. People who use the word "fuckin'" in spoken sentences the same way people use "lol" when writing. People who use "lol" as punctuation. Aniseed.
I could go on. But I won't.
Went to see The A-Team at the cinema tonight with a buddy. We were going to go see Inception, which I understand is quite good, but it was full, so that will have to wait until I'm back in Southampton.
Things that stay the same are supposedly boring. But they have their uses. And they don't have to be boring at all. Look at great works of art, literature, music, whatever. They don't change. They're always the same. And yet people flock to see them, read them, listen to them year after year after year.
When is somewhere not "home" any more?
It has come to our attention that there are a number of sections of 
You're in your house/flat/bedsit/hovel/cupboard. You have been stuck in said accommodation for some time now. By yourself. It's getting rather tiresome. Perhaps you're living by yourself. Or perhaps you live with people you don't get on with. Or perhaps you live with people who are never there. Whatever the reason, you're in by yourself, you're fed up and you feel like the walls are closing in a bit. So you decide that it would be a really great idea to go out. Even though none of your friends are free, because you only decided to go out a minute ago and when you texted them a minute ago, half of them didn't reply and the other half politely requested that you give them a bit more notice next time. So much for spontaneity.
You get dollied up and step out of your front door. You're going out! By yourself! Feels good, doesn't it? You're not tied to social conventions that require you to be in a group of at least 3 people (less than 3 and you're going "with" someone, which is perilously close to "date" territory)—you're doing things your way!
You're out by yourself and there's no-one with you to judge you. Perhaps you'll try something you've never done before, because there's no-one you know to mock you, laugh at you, berate you or tell you you're doing it wrong—or worse, do it better than you. Perhaps you decide to try smoking, because you've never done it before, or perhaps you talk to a random stranger in the street, or go down a road you've never been down before or—hell!—go to a pub or club you've never been to before.
You arrive at the place you decided to go to. You purchase yourself a drink and find yourself a good "spot" in which to observe the action. If this is a pub, this should be a table with a good view of everyone else who is there with their friends. Or possibly a stool at the bar, where you can turn your back on the rest of society. If this is a club, this should be a seat at the edge of the dance floor, where you can look longingly at the people who are probably having more fun than you.
"I've come out by myself. That was a really stupid thing to do."
You stay in your spot, watching everyone around you actually having a good time—or so you believe, anyway; in actual fact they might be having a miserable time, just dancing while they do it—and slump into a bit of an alcohol-fueled depression.
You decide that no, you're not going to let this defeat you. You get up and maybe decide to try a dance by yourself.
"I hope the bouncers and the people on the door don't recognise me and realise I've only been here fifteen minutes."
Mild amusement. This can be used for something that was only intended to be a little bit funny, or perhaps something that you didn't find that funny yourself but don't want to offend the other person by not laughing at it. It's also less girly than some other alternatives. An optional trailing full stop may be added.
Flirtatious laughter. Perhaps someone has said something a little bit contentious or naughty and you want to giggle with them. "Heehee" is the perfect laugh for this purpose.
The naughty laugh. An upgrade from "heehee", often used when slagging someone off behind their back, making illicit plans or making thinly-veiled references to something filthy the two of you—or indeed someone you mutually know—got up to recently.
The all-purpose "that's funny" laugh. The minimum number of "ha"s is two, otherwise it's a "Ha!" which is not a laugh at all, more a triumphant call of… something. The more "ha"s which are added to the end of the "haha", the funnier the thing is. "Haha" is mildly funny. "Hahahahahahahahahaha" is extremely funny. Optional additions may include all-caps or exclamation marks. These are both intensifiers.
The "mildly evil" laugh. Are you about to do something that's wrong, and you just don't care? Are you talking smack about someone? Have you made plans to do something which may cause mild embarrassment, discomfort or itching to a third party? Have you just witnessed something unfortunate occurring to someone you don't like much? Then this is the laugh for you. The number of "hehe"s on the end may again be varied. All-caps and exclamation marks are not usually added to an instance of a "mehehehehe".
The "moderately evil" laugh. Are you about to do something very wrong? Or perhaps you're joking about doing something wrong that you'd never actually do but think would be quite entertaining, if evil, if you did? Have you successfully got one up on someone you moderately-to-extremely dislike? Then this is the laugh for you, complete with variable-length "hahahaha" on the end. All-caps and exclamation marks may be adopted for this laugh if appropriate, depending on the evility of the situation. However, in extremely evil situations, consider upgrading to "Muhahahahahaha!"
The "very evil" laugh. You are an evil overlord, emperor or other figure who strikes fear into the hearts of your enemies. You are either about to do something terribly evil, have just done something terribly evil or take delight revelling in your evil-ness. Whatever the reason, this laugh is part of your arsenal of verbal weapons with which you may strike fear into the aforementioned hearts of your aforementioned enemies, along with sentences such as "I am afraid it is YOU who are mistaken" and "No, Mr Protagonist, I expect you to die". All-caps and exclamation marks are frequently applied for intensification purposes.
The belly laugh. This is a hearty chuckle at something you find genuinely amusing. The kind of laugh that Father Christmas or a Viking would use whilst sitting in front of a roaring log fire. Works well with a smoker's cough.
The Brian Blessed laugh. I don't think anything else needs to be said about this one. Usually combined with all-caps and exclamation marks.
The witch's laugh. An evil cackle if ever there was one. Doesn't really work when men do it. Even evil wizards don't tend to go "kyahahahahaha".
Do you know where the "Print" function in Microsoft Word is? Perhaps you even know what the shortcut key is! You'll be in charge of receiving emails from other members of this busy office who are too lazy to print things for themselves. Your task will be justified under the name of "top copying", which still means "print", don't worry. And don't worry about proofreading; these people are professionals! Any mistakes they made are entirely intentional and are probably the fault of the audio typists anyway. Those bastards.
Do you like children? You won't once you're finished with us! Have you long been frustrated that too much knowledge is imparted in classrooms? Then come and show us how it's really done! We'll put you into a classroom full of 9-year olds who act like they're stroppy teenagers! We won't tell you anything about the colourful backgrounds that their families have! We'll let you get threatened by parents who believe that their way, not the way of polite society, is the way to go! Polite society is boring, anyway!