It's coming up on a year since my departure from the obnoxiously-named "world of work", when I left my employment at a primary school, went to PAX East and had what was to this day the happiest week of my life, then came home only for my life to completely fall to pieces two short months later.
Now, here I am, and some things have changed, and some things aren't any further along than they were even back then. I have some awesome new people of various descriptions in my life, for one thing, and while most of them are some distance away, none of them are so far away as to make it completely impractical to go and see them. This is a Good Thing.
I also have a sweet writing gig that I'm absolutely loving. I enjoy doing the news posts every day and I've had great fun at the events I've had the opportunity to attend so far. This is also a Good Thing.
But I get the impression that some Decisions are going to have to be Made at some point. How much do I want to be a writer in the games industry? Quite a lot, as it happens. Despite having been technically "unemployed" for the last year, I've been doing a lot of writing and I haven't reached that "jaded" stage that some writers have got to—the stage where they've forgotten to have fun with what was once their hobby. I don't see myself getting to that point any time soon because I'm a fan of games, the games industry and everything it involves, and hopefully that comes across in my writing. I believe that I'm a good writer and a valuable addition to any of the teams I've been part of over the years, and friends and colleagues would (hopefully) back me up on that front. I certainly have a heap of LinkedIn recommendations that would attest to this.
So what's the problem? Well, as much as I love it, it's not a full-time gig… at the moment, anyway. Making it into a full-time gig would likely, at this time anyway, involve having to whore myself around to a number of outlets on a freelance basis, without any particular guarantee of a particular amount of money coming in each month. I wouldn't have a problem with this were it not for the fact that the events of the last year have left me in a terrible state financially. The thing I find myself constantly coming back to is whether I should leave behind "the dream" and get a full-time job instead. Practically speaking, it's the thing that would probably make most financial sense, and anyway, there's nothing to say I can't continue contributing to sites on a freelance basis while I hold down another job.
So I have been applying for jobs. And applying. And applying. And tweaking my CV and cover letter and trying new templates and writing in different styles. And nothing. This is immensely frustrating as I know that I am Good At Stuff. But on paper I am qualified for just two things: writing and teaching. Teaching I have no desire to go back to as it's nearly killed me on two separate occasions, but I have a lingering fear that it's the only career path I can all but guarantee I'll be able to find myself a position in. I've held three teaching jobs in the past, all of which were in schools that could politely be described as "challenging" and as such my perception of the profession may have been coloured in a slightly negative light. But I'm not sure I want to risk my sanity and happiness (well, potential happiness, anyway) diving back in "just to see" if I was just imagining it was as awful as I thought it was.
In summary, I'm not sure what I "should" do. A job's a job, after all, and anything that gets some money coming in is surely better than doing nothing and having no money coming in whatsoever. My quandary is this, then: after this long out of full-time work, should I continue looking for that elusive something that's going to make me happy? Or after this long, should I just take whatever the hell I can get?
And are you hiring?
It seems every other week, particularly in tech-related industries, there is some sort of discussion over whether this or that is "dead". Inevitably, the answer is usually some vague waffle about how most people may have stopped using their Nokia N-GAGE but there are a few people out there utterly determined to beat Tomb Raider on a portrait-wise screen on a device which can survive being run over by a bus (I speak from experience) and thus the thing in question isn't dead, just on perpetual life support. Until it gets run over by one bus too many, of course.
RPGs, as everyone knows, are nonsense. No amount of battering your way through the world's wildlife with a stick repeatedly makes you powerful enough to take down, say, a helicopter with your bare hands. But that's not to say that we don't have our own special skills and abilities of our own. So here, in the style of Final Fantasy XIII thanks to the many and varied roles I have taken on over the years, is my official Character Sheet. (Bonus points if you can figure out how I calculated my EXP, amount of EXP to next level, HP and MP, because yes, I am nerdy enough to work out a system to do just that.)
So. Charlie Sheen, eh? What a card. Winning. Tiger blood. I wish there were some way to show my appreciation for him through the medium of the Internet, such as saying "winning" every few minutes. Oh wait.
I'm almost entirely certain I have ranted on this topic at least once in the past. But, well, it bears repeating, given what I do both here and professionally.
Not so long ago, the world was a different place. Saddam Hussein was still in charge of Iraq, no-one knew who the Liberal Democrats were and Call of Duty was but a twinkle in a young Bobby Kotick's eye. Sounds like delightful times, doesn't it?
Life is complicated. And I'm not talking about my life specifically, I'm talking about the whole concept of life. People. Society. Everyone together, interacting (or not) and the strange, almost "chemical" reactions caused by one little thing that someone does having a knock-on effect and making other things happen. Chaos theory, I guess, only with less in the way of butterflies and hurricanes and whatnot.
I like driving. It's fun. Whether you're negotiating twisty-turny country lanes, putting your foot to the floor on a motorway or simply contemplating the fact that you're actually sitting in a chair that is moving at 70 miles per hour (seriously, that's pretty mind-boggling when you consider the speed the other chairs in your life don't move at) driving is, for the most part, a pleasurable experience for those who enjoy using cars for the purpose they were designed for. (Obviously those who don't like driving or are scared of it are exempt from the above.)
Trends are bizarre, inexplicable and ultimately meaningless if you have a mind of your own. I find it impossibly difficult to fathom sometimes how one minute something can be excellent, popular, wonderful, critically acclaimed and all manner of superlatives, then the next it is shit, awful, bollocks, crap and proof that you are a complete fuckwit if you dare to admit you like it in the company of anyone with a face.
London is a city of many surprises. A lot of them are "oh, this part of our illustrious capital is a shithole", but surprises nonetheless. Today's excursion was no exception.