#oneaday Day 37: Late Again

I've gone and left writing this until some ungodly hour in the morning again. It tends to happen when my mood is low; I stay up later than I should, which inevitably means I'll have trouble getting up in the morning. Likely no gym or swimming tomorrow, then — I value a good night's sleep more than a fitness regime. I'll get an early night tomorrow night though and go on Tuesday morning.

I decided after a lot of umming and ahhing to treat myself to Gas Station Simulator. I have a lot of time for these games that take something mundane and turn them into a relatively entertaining, but not super-demanding experience — Square Enix and FuturLab's Power Wash Simulator is probably the most well known, but there are a fair few out there now. Gas Station Simulator appears to be one of the more polished ones, and while it's still prone to Perpetual Indie Game Roadmap Syndrome, it is, at least, in its current state, a "finished" game.

I like what I've seen so far. There's a nice combination of relatively mindless "clean up the shit" gameplay combined with a bit of time management, a bit of finance management and a bit of self-expression through customising your environment. The titular gas station you find yourself taking ownership of is a complete shithole when you first acquire it, so you have a lot of work to do, though it doesn't take that much to get it looking vaguely presentable — enough to keep customers stopping for fuel in the middle of the desert happy, at least.

I'm interested in what it will look like in the late game, though. I anticipate that once you get the money rolling in fairly reliably, you'll be able to do a lot more with the overall decor of both the station itself and its various supporting buildings. At present I can just paint stuff and buy a few decorations, but I'm hoping for some more options once I unlock some more of the game features.

Because yes, in true 2024 game tradition, this isn't a game that gives you the keys to a sandbox and lets you loose; rather, you work your way through a series of objectives that introduce you to the various mechanics one at a time, gradually building on top of each other to make the game a little more complex with each passing hour. I mock it for doing this, but it's a sound approach, particularly when you're dealing with a game that, as this does, appears to have plenty of moving parts to contend with.

Thus far I have the fuel pumps, the station itself (which acts as a shop) and I've just unlocked a car repairing garage. At present, I have to do everything, but I understand at some point in the game you can hire employees to automate some or all of it. That's going to be interesting; will the game remain entertaining if you're no longer having to frantically dash between different areas to do stuff?

Anyway, that remains to be seen. I played for far too long and now it's late. So I will report further on my findings once I have had some sleep. Here's hoping I'm through the "trough" my mental health has been going through and it's onwards and upwards from here.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

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#oneaday Day 36: In My Thoughts

I dreamed about our dearly departed cat Meg last night and into this morning, which caused me to wake up feeling rather maudlin. My general mental wellbeing didn't really improve for most of the day, but I did manage to distract myself with some gaming, so that's something.

I've just come off a Dawntrail session, and I'm making good progress with that, but I've also been flitting around between a couple of other things today.

First of these is Holy Potatoes! A Spy Story?, which is a lightweight management sim sort of game in which you run a spy agency, train up spies and send them out on missions. It's quite fun and silly, though I haven't felt any real "challenge" from it as yet. I don't know how long it is but I suspect I'm quite early on in it so far; I wonder how it will up the challenge factor, and if it will do so by something more interesting than "require bigger numbers".

I started playing this because I've been having a bit of a hankering for that kind of game of late, and it's one of those genres that it doesn't feel like we have that many good modern examples of. Management sims were all the rage in the late '90s and early '00s, but it feels like they were one of those genres that got a bit left behind in the move to 3D. Modern 3D examples do exist — the Two Point games, which are successors to Bullfrog's Theme titles, are a good example — but it's kind of telling that stuff like Holy Potatoes! A Spy Story? is still presented in isometric quasi-3D artwork rather than polygons.

I don't know if I'll stick with it so far, as there are a number of other "sim"-type games I'm interested in having a fiddle with — after watching Game Grumps play Gas Station Simulator I actually quite fancy a go at that, for one — but what I've played so far does seem fun, and despite the relative lack of challenge in what I've played, manages to remain free of being patronising in a mobile game style.

The other thing I gave a shot for a bit earlier is Spiderweb Software's Avadon: The Black Fortress. I've been meaning to try a Spiderweb game for some time, but never got around to it and never quite new which one was best to start with. So I just picked one and gave it a go for a bit.

For the unfamiliar, Spiderweb Software make traditional CRPGs in the western style; that means they unfold rather like old Infinity Engine D&D games, or perhaps later Ultima titles. Avadon actually sounds like it might be a bit of a departure in that it's less "freeform" in its structure — thus far it's been quite heavily "mission-based", and you have relatively limited options to build your characters — but it sounds as if it's well-regarded, and many folks seem to think that the streamlined (not necessarily simplified) mechanics allow its story to shine a bit more. And it's certainly got some nicely written text in it.

Again, don't know if I'll stick with it, but I'm glad I've broken the seal and started giving it a go. I like what I see so far — although it seems the game is light on music, which is a shame, as I do like a stirring orchestral accompaniment for my western-style CRPGs.

And Dawntrail. I won't say too much about this for the sake of spoilers in case anyone reading this is planning to play it, but the thing that struck me while playing this evening is that this is a story the world really needs right now. There's lots of tolerance and understanding and learning about different cultures, and it just feels like such a marked, likely deliberate contrast to the intolerance and general shittiness around in the world at the moment. I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes next, as I've reached a particularly significant moment in the narrative.

Anyway, it's nearly 2am and my cat Patti is bugging me to go to bed, so I should probably do that. Here's hoping for a restful night's sleep.

I miss you, Meg.

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#oneaday Day 35: Lay Me Down to Sleep

I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. I think mostly mentally, but that in turn is making me feel physically exhausted. The world just seems to be such a frustratingly relentless parade of shit at the moment that just existing is tiring. So although it's not even 10pm at the time of writing, I think I might just go to bed after this.

Unlike times gone by, I can thankfully say that it's not really my life that has gone to shit as such, but I'm not sure that's any great comfort. At least if there is something wrong in my life — and plenty of things are, don't get me wrong — it's possible to take action and do something about it.

But when you feel like the entire world is just collectively going insane, and there's fuck all you can do about it? That's exhausting. Whether it's the constant enshittification of today's services, the ever-increasing cost of living or the utterly stupid obsession with AI — all three of which are related to varying degrees, I'd say — it just feels like the world is moving in an unhealthy direction, and no matter how much you say "hang on a minute" there's nothing that you, as one person, can do.

I won't lie, I'm a little concerned for my pals in America right now, because they seem to be staring down a bit of a no-win situation when it comes to the upcoming presidential elections. On the one side, you have Trump, who is just an outright fucking maniac, and on the other, you have Biden, whose age is starting to make people question his suitability for the role. Given the choice, it seems like picking the old man is the sensible thing to do, but America never seems to make things that simple. After all, they already elected Trump into office once; while most people would probably agree that was a terrible idea, I have a strange feeling that it might happen again.

And while I feel a certain sense of solidarity with others online expressing similar concerns about the immediate and medium-term future, I also feel very alone. Ever since COVID hit, I've felt completely isolated aside from being with my wife, and it's done a real number on my self-confidence and self-esteem. I feel like I could do with some sort of support network when I'm feeling like this, and I just don't have one. Worse, I don't really know how to go about putting one together — or indeed reassembling one that I maybe once had.

I always used to think that as you grew older and became more of an "adult" that things would fall into place and become more straightforward. And perhaps they did for previous generations. But for me, right now, each passing year just feels worse and worse, like a sense of comfort and stability is just slipping further and further away. The world has been a place that I don't feel like I quite fit into for as long as I can remember. And in recent years, that feeling has only been becoming more and more pronounced with everything that's been happening.

If only it was possible to just completely disconnect from the bad things in the world, and spend your time surrounded by people who care about you, and whom you care about too. I guess I should feel lucky that I have my wife and cats, at the very least; some people don't even have that.

I'd apologise for the maudlin post, but I made it clear back when I started all this shenanigans again that it was going to be a form of "therapy" for me. And that means getting this stuff off my chest once in a while. I'm sure you understand. Perhaps you even feel the same way. I unfortunately cannot offer any advice or comfort if so, but know, at least, that you are not the only one feeling that way. Not, I suspect, by a long shot.

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#oneaday Day 34: It took blatant enshittification before people saw Game Pass for the scourge it is

Recently, Microsoft announced a slew of changes to its Game Pass service, the subscription-based service where you get access to a bunch of games for as long as you pay for it. They have not been received all that well, to say the least, with many quite rightly pointing out that its combination of price hikes and making existing offerings significantly worse is a textbook example of enshittification.

However, prior to all this nonsense, Game Pass had some of the most rabid defenders on the entire Internet. "It's consumer-friendly!" they'd chant like a mantra. "$12 a month for a whole library of games!"

I don't know about you, but I consider perpetually paying for something and then not actually having anything to show for it if I decide to stop paying is anything but consumer-friendly. It's a glorified rental service — and, more to the point, it's absolute garbage for game makers.

You see, while Microsoft does, on occasion, offer larger developers and publishers flat fees for listing their titles on Game Pass, a lot of developers, particularly smaller ones, have to rely on a "streaming"-style income stream, where they get paid according to how much people play their games. And if you've been paying any attention whatsoever to how streaming has been going over the course of the last few years, you'll know that that is an absolutely terrible deal for the artists involved.

The trouble with the Game Pass model is that it incentivises the very worst practices in the industry. With games making money according to how much they are played, we get games that are ridiculous, unnecessary timesinks. We get "live service" games. We get games that are never actually "finished", perpetually following a "roadmap" meaning there's never a good time to start playing because the Next Big Update is always just around the corner.

To put it another way, Game Pass encourages content, not art. It encourages the blandest, most transparent engagement bait, designed to Skinner Box people into believing they're having a good time while they grind through their mindless Daily Objectives for the umpteenth time. And it's an attempt to normalise people not owning things. It's an attempt to ensure that everyone quite happily hands over the keys to their entire media collection for the sake of supposed "convenience" — and don't ask about the games we remove from the service every month, thank you very much, we try and keep that bit quiet.

"But Game Pass makes me try games I never would have tried otherwise!" the defenders say. Bullshit. If you were interested enough to download a game on Game Pass, you're interested enough to read up on it, download a demo where it exists or, hell, even purchase it on a digital storefront and refund it if you found it wasn't actually something you enjoyed. (That's a practice I kind of abhor, also, but that's probably a subject for another day.) Taking risks on art is fun! Sometimes you find things you don't like, sure, but in a lot of cases you'll be very pleasantly surprised when you try something outside of your usual wheelhouse.

Game Pass is a festering boil on the arse of the industry, and the sooner we lance it, the better. It's bad for players and it's bad for the people who make the games. I'm glad there's some pushback against these latest shitty moves from Microsoft — who seem to have been making a lot of such shitty moves of late, in a variety of areas — but I fear it's too little, too late. There are already people for whom not buying games and instead "getting it on Game Pass" is the norm, and that's a problem we're going to have to address conclusively at some point. Because what we have right now is not by any means sustainable.

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#oneaday Day 33: The Latest Horrifying News from the World of AI

Yesterday, the tech blog 404 Media reported on a horrifying development in the story of the World Wide Web's gradual decline into AI-encrusted unusability: the apparent resurrection of the once-beloved TUAW (aka The Unofficial Apple Weblog), a site that hasn't been active for 10+ years, into an AI-powered slop machine.

To make matters worse, the new owners of the twitching corpse of TUAW have apparently seen fit to "borrow" the identities of the site's former regular contributors, replacing their original headshots with AI-generated portraits or stock images of completely unrelated people and replacing their original archived work with AI-powered "summaries".

Naturally, the former TUAW writers are not all that happy about this. One of the affected individuals, Christina Warren, pointed out that the reason this has been done in the first place is likely "an SEO scam that won't even work in 2024 because Google changed its [algorithm]". She then concluded that those responsible were "Assholes!", which I thoroughly concur with.

This is just the latest in a long line of absolute bullshit brought about by the infestation of "AI" into everything online. There is absolutely no excuse, no justification for what has gone here. Not only is it defacing the legacy of a publication that was once loved — and trusted — by a significant number of readers, it's also destroying the portfolios of the writers in question, who are now saddled with AI-generated slop that has their name attached to it.

"I don't want people to come across the contents coming out of that site and think that I actually wrote like that [very poorly]," Warren told 404. And I can't help but agree — because we have a very real problem online in that sites shuttering often means vast swathes of work by talented writers just goes in the dustbin without warning. And while sites such as the incredible, wonderful archive.org do their best to keep a record of everything that once was, the sad reality is that a lot of stuff is just plain lost.

I know, because I've been on the receiving end of it multiple times.

My stuff might be in here… somewhere… maybe?

One of the first sites I ever wrote for professionally, Kombo.com, no longer exists, and its URL now redirects to a site called "GameZone". Surprisingly, GameZone does seem to have some of Kombo's old articles archived, though none of them are under their original byline, instead all attributed to "kombo" (lower-case). There are 28,435 articles attributed to "kombo", all with the wrong dates on them — they claim to date back to 2012, but there are some with the headline "E3 2010", suggesting that they were simply republished on the "newer" site in 2012 — and no means of identifying who wrote what. As such, it's useless for me to use as part of a portfolio.

The two "big" sites I wrote for, GamePro and USgamer, also went belly-up at various points. In both cases, again, some of my work ended up archived on other sites. In the case of GamePro, some of my stuff found its way to the American tech site PC World, but a search for my name now throws up a list of useless garbage that quotes my name but doesn't actually link to anything I wrote without manually scrolling through several pages of junk. And, of course, there's no link to my byline for me to easily find everything by me, despite my byline being right there on the articles in question when I can find them!

This is the one and only GamePro article by me I could find after a few minutes of searching. It appears on page 2,689 of a defunct archives page. None of the images or links in the article remained intact.

USgamer, which folded a little more recently, fares a little better in that I actually have an author page on VG247, where the articles ended up — although said author page has no picture, no bio and a link to a Twitter account that no longer exists. There's 8 pages of material from me, which I suspect isn't all of my work from USgamer, but it's a decent amount, at least. I just wish it wasn't on VG247, which is a site I am… not a fan of.

Better than nothing — or being "AI summarised", at least. Just wish it was under a different masthead.

In this respect, I guess I'm actually kind of lucky that my identity hasn't been co-opted by a content farm and all my past work fed into ChatGPT to regurgitate at considerably lower quality than I originally wrote. But I have to confess that reading stories such as this one about TUAW fills me with genuine dread. I'm not overly concerned about AI "taking my job" because it's rapidly becoming very clear that AI writing is both easy to spot and demonstrably inferior to a human being doing the same thing.

But I am concerned about the potential for AI slop with my name attached to it dragging my reputation through the mud. As a writer, I find it grossly insulting to my profession. And simply as a human being, I find what has been done here to be absolutely, totally unconscionable.

There has to be a breaking point somewhere. Soon. Please. I am rapidly running out of what little faith in humanity I have left. And there wasn't a lot left in the first place.

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#oneaday Day 32: Lies, Damned Lies

A lot has been made about the supposed proliferation of "fake news" and, regrettably, because discussion about it started around the time of Trump's last ascendancy (and to quite a significant degree from the Trump camp), not everyone takes the concept entirely seriously. But it's definitely something that happens, and it's making the Web less and less useful.

Earlier today, a member of a Discord I'm in posted a link to the following tweet:

The screenshots are of Windows Defender supposedly finding a plain text file containing nothing but the text "This content is no longer available." to be a piece of malware — specifically a Trojan called Casdet!rfn. Obviously a plain text file is not malware, so this is ridiculous, and thus Microsoft must have made a silly mistake and we can all laugh at them, ho ho ho.

I tried it.

Windows Defender did not find it to be malware.

I Googled it and found several outlets reporting on this "story", including some that really should know better (looking at you, Tom's Hardware) — and not one of them had seemingly put in the minimal amount of effort required to verify that this was actually a thing. In other words, none of them had done what I did above: recreate the situation by composing a blank text file, putting the words "This content is no longer available." in it and then scanning it with Windows Defender. A two-minute job, tops.

No, instead the most rigour anyone put in was to look at the replies to the Twitter post, which are fairly slim in number, making me wonder exactly how this misinformation had spread in the first place. The tweet in question has nearly 700,000 views, though only 800 of whatever the Muskrat is calling "Retweets" this week, suggesting the majority of its minor virality has come about through situations exactly like the one I describe above: people sharing it via means other than Twitter.

Now, I don't blame the chap on Discord. He was just sharing something he thought was funny. I don't even blame the original Tweeter, because it's entirely possible that this was true once and it was quietly fixed in a Windows update. But I do blame all these people, and Google.

Not only for reporting on this without doing the absolute bare minimum of fact-checking, but for not correcting these stories if indeed it was once true and now is no longer correct.

Either way, the result is the same: a lot of misinformation gets spread very easily, often by people who have no ill intent. It's not the fault of the people who share this stuff — although I personally would check any sort of claim like this before resharing it myself — but it absolutely is the fault of outlets authoritatively sharing this as "news" without doing any sort of research beyond looking at a few Twitter posts.

Sadly, this is what "news" is these days. Get a good hook for a story that might be the slightest bit clickable and/or shareable, then write it up (with at least 600 words for SEO purposes, of course) and just make some shit up in the middle if you need to. Doesn't matter if the story is true or not; by the time people have clicked or shared, the article has done its job, and it doesn't matter if anyone twigs that it's bollocks or not.

In some respects, I'm sad that I'm no longer working the games journalism beat. But in others, I know that if I was still a newshound, I'd likely be gently encouraged into this sort of odious practice in order to get the numbers up.

I had more integrity and rigour when I was covering stuff for GamePro and USgamer. I'd find stories, research them myself and report on them only when I was good and sure that there actually was a story there. And I didn't have to make a big deal out of doing that at the time, because that was the expectation for someone working a News Editor position.

Now? Engagement above all. Who cares if something is true? Numbers go big, suits stay happy. Fuck the actual audience who might want the publications they read to be reliable and trustworthy; they are, after all, the least important part of the whole equation these days.

If you're looking for the Web as it once was, then I'm sorry to inform you that This content is no longer available.

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#oneaday Day 31: Hypnospace

Decided I wanted a break from Dawntrail this evening, so I decided to give Hypnospace Outlaw a go, since I'd always been curious and it was cheap in the GOG summer sale.

For the unfamiliar, Hypnospace Outlaw is an adventure game of sorts, but rather than controlling a character you're manipulating a computer from a fictional 1999 as it navigates around the "Web" of sorts. Technically "Hypnospace" is a Web-equivalent that people browse in their sleep through a special headband, but so far that doesn't seem to have mattered all that much.

The fact it's set in 1999 does matter, however, because most of your interaction involves using a delightful parody of the early(ish) Web — a land of personal Geocities pages, primarily. Hypnospace is a managed service rather than a completely open free-for-all, and divides user pages into specific "Zones" according to their subject matter. As you progress through the game, you're given access to more Zones and thus more pages to browse.

Honestly, just browsing through the wealth of information that has been composed for these fake Web pages is a lot of fun in itself. The world of Hypnospace Outlaw has clearly been thought about in great detail, and even though it is, by necessity, considerably smaller than the "real" Internet — even as it existed in 1999 — there's a sense that you really are exploring a community, but through your computer screen, rather than on foot.

The actual "gameplay" part of Hypnospace Outlaw places you in the role of a volunteer "Enforcer" for Hypnospace's manufacturer MerchantSoft. This affords you special privileges — among them the ability to wield a literal banhammer — but also effectively stops you from "existing" online for the duration of your contract. Your job as an Enforcer is to seek out violations of MerchantSoft's "laws", which include copyright infringement, harassment, illegal (disturbing or offensive) content, distribution of malicious software and commercial activities carried out via non-approved channels.

This starts pretty simple with you wielding your banhammer on some obviously copyright-infringing pages, though the game makes sure you're aware of the consequences of your actions through the way the page's owners update their sites as the game progresses. In subsequent cases you'll have to track down cases of cyberbullying via "hidden" pages, only accessible via certain means, and infiltrate rebellious groups by effectively using social engineering techniques to glean sensitive security information.

So far — I estimate I'm about halfway through the game — no real "judgement" has been placed on the player character for the things they do, though only the most hard-hearted won't respond to the anguished frustration expressed by those who feel they had the rules applied to them unfairly. It's satisfying to find your way into what the creators of a page clearly thought was a safe, hidden inner sanctum and then effectively wreck it by blasting its most important components for rule violations — but it's also hard not to feel a little uncomfortable about it. That, I suspect, is kind of the point.

I'm intrigued to see where the story ends up going, as it's definitely been intriguing so far — even though it's mostly been little threads you can tug at as much or as little as you want up until the point I'm at. I suspect some sort of "big plot" will reveal itself before the end, though, and I'm looking forward to investigating it further. I'll post some more in-depth thoughts about it over on MoeGamer once I've finished it.

For now, then, a thumbs up, particularly if you lived through this era of the Web. While it's very much a parody rather than a completely loving recreation, a lot of it is bang on for how things really were back then — and it blends this nicely with a thoroughly modern tale about controlling the flow of information, censorship and self-expression. Good stuff.

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#oneaday Day 30: A Milestone?

Is 30 days a milestone? I guess you can look at it that way, depending on if you consider nice round numbers a milestone. You can also look at 30 days as "about a month", too, so I guess it's significant from that respect. It's a long way off the 2,541 daily posts from last time around, of course, but that all started with baby steps, too. And then it just kept going.

Now and again I like to hit the "Random Post" button on this site to jump to one of the myriad posts in the archives. I often find myself surprised how often it throws up the same things, given how many of them there are, but computerised randomisation is, as we hopefully all know by now, imperfect.

That gives me an idea for today's post. I'll hit Random a few times and see what I think of what shows up. Are you ready? Then let's begin.

First up, Day 693 from first time around, and a post named Endings. In it, I contemplated the fact that I had just finished L.A. Noire, a game that I enjoyed a lot at the time but which I have forgotten almost everything about since. I pontificated on particularly effective endings that had stuck with me over the years — particularly downer endings. And Conker's Bad Fur Day was one that stuck with me, due to it coming after all the foul-mouthed ridiculousness that had come before.

I still agree with this. Conker's Bad Fur Day ends absolutely perfectly. It's a huge bummer in a lot of ways, of course, what with our hero losing his true love, but it also provides something of a sense of "reality catching up with him". The strange journey that Conker goes on over the course of Conker's Bad Fur Day starts silly and cartoonish, but gets darker and darker as you progress through things. By the last few sequences in the game, things are still silly, but there's a definite sobering undercurrent. The World War II-inspired sequence may have you fighting against teddy bears, but it's still World War II, and a lot of people get hurt and die.

The ending of Conker's Bad Fur Day is as much a signal to the player as it is to Conker. "Wake up," it says. "The time for play is over. Now it's time to get back to the grim reality of life." Sobering, to be sure.

Next up, post 850 from first time around, entitled Diablolical [sic]. In it, I lay out how I'd been having a good time with the then-newly released Diablo III, and that I didn't have as much of a problem with it being "always online" as the rest of the Internet seemed to. And that's because I recognised that Diablo III, far more than its predecessors, was actually an MMO. A well-disguised one, yes, but still an MMO.

I actually stand by this assessment, though my opinion on Diablo III itself has soured somewhat for a variety of reasons. Firstly, after playing it a bunch, I realised that its setting and unrelenting grimness was just plain boring to me. The world of Diablo is a world in which there is no hope; one in which you defeat the Big Bad of the hour and there's inevitably an even bigger bad lurking just around the corner. And once you've beaten all the Big Bads, they all come back, because that's what Big Bads do in Diablo-land.

Secondly, it's hard to get the various revelations about working conditions at Blizzard Entertainment out of my head. I'm not about to go on a big crusade about it or anything, but given that the Diablo series is already one I'd been feeling a bit "ehhh" about since the very beginning, knowing that some of the staff at the developer are shitheads makes it a lot easier to just go "fuck it" and never play anything from them again… particularly as all of their last few releases have some combination of loot boxes, battle passes or predatory "free-to-play" monetisation. So yeah, fuck Blizzard and fuck Diablo. Diablo III is still an MMO, though.

Next up, an earlier post: number 303, from 2010, in which I ponder the nature of Panic Stations. Specifically, through some exceedingly heavy-handed masking, I outline the things that cause me a sense of irrational anxiety, even when I know they're not anything really worth getting het up about. 2010 was before I'd really sought any sort of help for mental health, and well before I'd been diagnosed with either anxiety or Asperger's, but I still recognised anxious feelings in myself — and my brain's tendency to blow things out of proportion.

This post is one I should probably return to now and again to remind myself not to get so wound up about stupid things.

Finally for today, an even earlier post from 2010: number 57, Look into the Eyes, in which I talk about the Derren Brown show my ex-wife (who was, at that point, just my wife) and I had been to see at the Mayflower theatre in Southampton. I really enjoyed that show, and both of us had a lot of time for Derren Brown. I feel like we don't see much of him these days; I wonder what happened to him? Looking on Wikipedia, it seems he's still active, but I guess the changing nature of how we look at media these days makes him less visible — I don't watch "TV" any more, for example, and that tended to be where I saw him the most.

All right, that's enough looking back for one day. My cat has just been sick and the other cat is eating it. I think that's as good a cue as any to just go to bed.

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#oneaday Day 29: Dream Education

I had one of those dreams that it's difficult to wake up from this morning. It was a variation on a dream I quite commonly have, which involves being back in some form of education, knowing that I'm not doing something I should be doing, and not being able to make myself sort that situation out.

The most common form this dream takes sees me back at secondary school, knowing that the school's music groups (typically the orchestra and concert band) are rehearsing and that I should be there, but I am not going. My old music teacher Mr. Murrall is standing outside the music block looking disapprovingly at me standing some distance away, often with my friends from the time, but I can't bring myself to admit that I've made a mistake, and that I should go along and resolve the situation.

Last night was a little bit different, as it revolved around university. I had just moved into a new flat — not any of the flats I actually lived in during my time at university, but something my mind dreamed up — and was settling in, but I realised I had no idea when term started or if I should have been going to any lectures. Any time I thought "I should look up when term starts", I was distracted from doing so, and I became more and more convinced over time that I was missing significant parts of my course. But, again, I couldn't correct the situation.

Education-related dreams are, unsurprisingly, usually interpreted as being something to do with learning, and variations on the theme such as those which I describe above are usually tied to various forms of anxiety — often imposter syndrome.

If I'm being honest, I can tell where some of those thoughts are probably coming from. The recurring dream about not showing up to orchestra rehearsals is likely due to how I'm aware I don't make nearly enough time to practice music these days, and should probably do something about that. I think I want a new piano, though; our current one is fine apart from a few seriously dodgy notes in the octave below middle C, and unfortunately those notes appear to be some of the most frequently occurring in almost everything I want to play! New pianos are expensive, though, so you can probably see where some of that anxiety comes from.

As for the imposter syndrome side of things, I've definitely felt that before. I'm not sure I'm feeling it a lot right now, because in my current position I feel like I'm valued and that I contribute something meaningful — although thinking about it, there are still aspects of the daily work life that do cause me anxiety, such as having to deal with the social media side of things. But I've definitely felt it in the past; feelings that I "don't deserve" to be where I am, or that I'm worried someone will "find out" something about me that I don't want to be found out — exactly what, I'm never sure, because I don't have anything particularly shameful to hide.

I suspect, as someone with a natural undercurrent of anxiety flowing through me at most times, I will never be completely free of these dreams. I actually don't mind them all that much, as they sometimes have an interesting, nostalgic element to them. I do wish my dream self could break free of whatever is holding him down and resolve the problems at the core of those situations, though… that way I could just enjoy being back at school or university!

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#oneaday Day 28: A Developer Has Responded

In theory, the opportunity for developers to respond to user reviews on storefronts such as Steam, Google Play and the like should be a good thing. It should provide the opportunity for the developer in question to open a dialogue with a customer — be they satisfied or dissatisfied — and help move things in a positive direction in one way or another.

How it actually works, meanwhile, is quite different. Because most developers, it seems, can't be bothered to do anything other than a stock response to everyone, even when it's woefully inappropriate to do so.

I'd like to share with you a review I wrote recently, in which I found a "teleprompter" app for Android (this one, if you're curious, which was recommended by one of the bajillion SEO-baiting "best teleprompter apps for mobile" articles festering on the modern Web) but was dismayed to discover it was asking for an extortionate subscription fee rather than a flat price. I am pretty vehemently against subscription fees for simple, single-purpose apps, particularly when they don't have an online component, and I made this clear in my review.

A screenshot of a review on Google Play. The review is by Pete Davison and was posted on June 27, 2024. It gives the application one star. The text reads "This seems ideal for my needs, but it's a subscription-based app. I want to just purchase the software, not pay £4.99 every month. I would have paid £4.99 to buy a premium version of this app without hesitation, but asking for that every month is ridiculous."

Not unreasonable, I don't think. Now let's look at the developer's response:

A screenshot of a developer's response on a Google Play app store review. It is attributed to "Norton Five Ltd" and dated June 28, 2024. The text reads "Thanks for your feedback Pete. The subscription model allows us to invest in continuing to improve the app and introduce new features. There is an annual subscription option, which does offer better value for money than the monthly one if budget is tight. You can also cancel at any time. Hope you'll reconsider and give the subscription a go." The text concludes with a smiley face emoticon and is signed "Phil".

Now this is an excellent developer response. "You think the monthly subscription is too expensive, so why not use the more expensive annual one" is a ballsy move, to be sure. "You don't like monthly subscriptions, but it's okay because you can cancel any time and lose access to the app you paid for" is also high up my list of "stupid things to say".

More than that, it's just plain bollocks. This comment is symptomatic of a widespread issue with all manner of software today, whether they be single-purpose mobile apps or more elaborate services. And that issue is that everyone seems to see a perpetual need to "introduce new features".

I'll remind you that when I came across this app I was looking for something that did one thing and one thing only: provide a "teleprompter" facility that I can use on my phone. To elaborate, that means provide the ability to display some text on the phone's screen while the camera is recording, allowing me to make "eye contact" with the camera while reading from a script.

This app does that already. It does not need any new features. It is already fit for purpose, aside from the subscription fee. Therefore it does not need additional development or new features to be introduced. (Especially not a "Rewrite your script with AI!" feature, which it proudly boasts.) Perhaps a compatibility update every now and then to ensure it works with whatever current version of Android has been loaded onto my phone without telling me this week. But that does not warrant a fee of five quid a month or even twenty quid a year.

As I said, I would have quite happily paid a fiver up front for the app, and that's being extraordinarily generous in the mobile space, given that most people don't like paying more than 79p for anything.

The stock response from "Phil" about "introducing new features" and "continuing to improve the app" didn't convince me in any way that the subscription fee was worth paying, and I suspect he knew that as he copy-pasted the words into the response box. So why did he bother posting it at all? Just so the fact he "responds to feedback", even if it is with utterly stupid suggestions, is visible to anyone browsing the page and not looking too closely?

A few minutes later, I found another teleprompter app that does just charge once and then doesn't bother you again. So I bought it without a moment's hesitation. Don't stand for exploitative, predatory subscription models, particularly on mobile where it's extremely easy to forget about them. And support those folks who are actually providing a good, useful piece of software without trying to fleece you.

And Phil? Eat a thousand cocks.

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