2227: Filling the Days

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Anyone who has been out of work will know how frustrating it is to be in that “waiting” period while you have some applications out and no idea whether or not you’re going to hear back from any of them. It seems that most companies these days use the catch-all get-out clause of there being a “very high volume of applications”, thus absolving themselves of any responsibility for actually delivering an answer to unsuccessful applicants — or even acknowledging them at all, in some cases. (I know that rationally speaking there probably is a very high volume of applications and it would be very difficult to respond to all of them, but it’s still fucking rude.)

As I noted a while ago, I’ve been trying my best to fill my days while this waiting is going on. I’ve been looking for jobs in various fields — preferably those I can perform a bit more flexibly and/or from home — and applying to a few as well as continuing with the trickle of regular-ish freelance work I’ve been undertaking, but doing that all day every day is a sure-fire recipe for wanting to fall asleep and not wake up again.

So there have been a number of ways I’ve been keeping occupied. There’s video games, of course, but those aren’t especially “productive”, though they do provide useful fodder for writing about various topics, which is handy, as well as something I can talk about with people. That’s something that’s actually quite important, particularly when you’re stuck at home: it’s a tremendously awkward position to find yourself in when you’re at a social occasion and you realise you have literally nothing of note to contribute to any conversation. (As a socially anxious person, I feel like this most of the time, so it’s best not to give myself any actual ammunition to back this up.)

I’ve been continuing to work on my book. I figured out that my writing software Scrivener has a “target” option with exciting progress bars that fill up for both your complete project and your session target, so you can have that RPG-like experience of filling bars and feeling all happy and satisfied when they’re full. I’m not yet sure what a reasonable target for each session is — I can knock out 1,500 words in one sitting without too much difficulty, but that doesn’t feel like very much and I kind of want to try and keep my momentum going without burning myself out. I’m sure I’ll pin down a suitable target; perhaps I’ll increase it little by little from 1,500 with each session and see what feels comfortable. As for the book itself, recommendations online seem to suggest a length of 80-100k words is a suitable length, so I’m aiming at the lower end of that spectrum as a minimum target; since I’m a verbose sort of chap, that leaves me some leeway to go over, whereas if I aimed specifically for 100k as a minimum, I’d have to excise big chunks to get the word count down, which is something I don’t like doing; every word is sacred, or something.

Currently, the project is at 21,000 words or so, which is quite good going — or about a quarter of the way through, if you want to look at it another way. I’m enjoying getting back into the swing of things; while I write on this blog every day and have even indulged in some creative writing on here on several occasions, simply sitting down and writing a story for the sake of writing a story rather than “because oh shit I need a blog post for today” is an enjoyable experience that stimulates my already rather overactive imagination; I’ll probably write more about how I feel while I’m writing on another occasion, as I think it’s an interesting discussion.

Aside from this, I have some other things to be getting on with, too: there’s a second edition of the Digitally Downloaded magazine in the works, and I have Japanese studies to be getting on with. Or indeed restarting to refresh my memory, since it’s been a little while since I last engaged with them. I am pleasantly surprised how much hiragana have stayed with me since my last dedicated effort to learn, though; my next hurdle — and the one that tends to stall me each time — is katakana, but I’m sure with a bit of effort I’ll be able to conquer it. Then I can get depressed at knowing I’ll never, ever know all the kanji.

Anyway. That’s how I’m filling my days at the moment. While none of this is making me any money, sadly, a few of these things do at least have the potential to lead somewhere in the future. Perhaps my book will sell. Perhaps I’ll learn enough Japanese to be able to do something with it. Perhaps the magazine will take off and we’ll be able to start charging for it. Who knows? While I have this time, it’s worth exploring these things rather than getting depressed about the fact that jobs in the traditional sense seem to be extremely, frustratingly, infuriatingly difficult to come by these days, particularly when you yourself aren’t really sure what you’re qualified and/or skilled enough to do…

2217: When You Have No Occupation, You Should Stay Occupied

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One of the things that is most difficult about being out of work is keeping yourself occupied without falling into unproductive routines. It would be extremely easy to not bother doing anything useful at all each and every day, treating the time “off” as a kind of holiday, watching television, playing games, listening to the radio or falling into a deep, existential depression while staring at the ceiling of one’s bedroom. I say it is extremely easy to do these things because I have done all these things while out of work at various points. Sometimes you need that time to yourself, but unfortunately, said time to yourself doesn’t pay the bills.

Doing nothing but hunting for jobs isn’t necessarily the most productive course of action either, though. Job-hunting is an enormously demoralising experience, since by its very definition you’re going to be faced with more inexplicable rejection than acceptance in most cases. At other times, you’ll find yourself faced with an opportunity that just doesn’t seem quite right, but which you feel guilty turning down because you need work. (I say this having turned down two opportunities recently that didn’t feel right at all. Like, a big ol’ “bad feeling in the guy” not right at all.) That can be exhausting, and the toll it takes on your mental faculties can have an adverse effect on your subsequent attempts to find work as you lose patience with it and get tempted to apply to any old thing on the off-chance someone will find you in any way employable.

Therefore, it’s important to find other ways to occupy yourself, and to divide your days up into various things that, if they’re not necessarily directly productive, they at least provide you with the opportunity to feel like you’ve accomplished something. Indulging in a creative project, learning something new, practising your skills in something — all of these things are good ways to spend your time and if you’re out of work, it’s an ideal opportunity to spend some of those empty hours doing them.

You’ll notice that I’m writing this and using the word “you” a lot, as if I’m giving advice to someone else. Really, I’m giving advice to myself, to be perfectly honest, since as previously noted, I find it much too easy to sink into depression and just want to comfort myself with things that don’t require too much in the way of effort. But that way leads further into bad situations, so from tomorrow, I’m going to make a particular effort to spend a bit of time each day doing something that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. I don’t think I’m going to go so far as to schedule what I should do when — not for the moment, anyway, though that has worked for me in the past — but I am going to ensure that I do at least one thing every day for a minimum of an hour that leaves me feeling satisfied that I’m not completely wasting my time.

Activities that spring immediately to mind to accomplish this include music practice, music composition, creative writing (both fiction and non-fiction — I have a number of ideas for both), Japanese language studies, developing my computer skills (particularly with regard to things like programming and/or web design), working on the next edition of the magazine I shared with you a while back and making more gaming videos. That should keep me busy on a fairly regular basis; some of those things may even lead to further actual paying opportunities of various descriptions in the future, if not immediately.

Mostly they’re attempts to keep myself occupied and feeling positive. I feel I’m at a particularly low ebb right now, if that wasn’t already abundantly clear from my recent entries, and I want to feel like I’m making the best of a bad situation rather than wallowing in sadness. It won’t be easy, but I feel it’s probably the best way to approach what I’m dealing with at the moment.

Wish me luck.

2205: No End in Sight

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Regular readers will know that I’m going through a bit of a Rough Patch at the minute, to say the least. Tonight it’s hitting me particularly hard, for various reasons that I shan’t go into in detail. I wanted to talk a little more generally, as I find this often helps me sort things out in my mind a bit.

The thing that’s making me feel particularly bleak right now is that it feels like there’s no end in sight for this Rough Patch. I don’t know how to resolve it; I don’t know how to “fix” it. I feel like I’ve messed up — not once, not twice, but repeatedly, and I’m now reaping the anti-rewards that are the consequence of all the things I’ve done wrong in my life, all the poor choices I’ve made.

For sure, I know that I have made plenty of poor choices along the way, but many of them didn’t seem like it at the time — and rationally speaking, I also know that I’m not the only one to blame for my current situation. The blame for that can be laid at the feet of a wide variety of people, including me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with — particularly as many of the non-me people that I blame for this situation are essentially “untouchable” despite me wanting nothing more than to at the very least yell at them and, were I feeling particularly feisty that day, slug them one right in the face.

Mostly I’m just frustrated because I’m not sure I deserve this. I feel like I have plenty to offer the world, and no way of making it clear to everyone that I matter, that I have value. I have friends and family, sure — both local and far-away — and that knowledge, to an extent, takes care of part of my emotional well-being, but it doesn’t pay the bills, and it doesn’t give me a sense of satisfaction that I am, in any way, making the most of my existence. Were I to drop dead tomorrow, 1) would anyone notice? and 2) would I be remembered for anything particularly worthwhile? Again, rationally speaking, I know the answer to both of those questions is probably “yes” — and I’m not planning on dropping dead tomorrow — but it’s difficult to remember that sometimes when you find yourself struggling to stay afloat.

I really don’t know what to do any more. For every bit of progress I feel like I make, I suffer some sort of setback. I end up not going anywhere — and, in the worst case, going backwards. When I left university, I was a teacher earning over £25k a year. Later, I had my dream job of writing about games for slightly less than that. Now I’m looking at retail jobs with wages of a relative pittance in comparison, on the grounds that 1) I feel like I can do them and 2) that’s all I feel like I can convince prospective employers I’m good for. (Not that there’s anything wrong with retail, obviously; it just feels like all that education was a bit of a waste, is all.)

I’ll figure something out. Bad things have happened to me before and I made it through. And on those past occasions, it felt like I was drowning in black tar, with no means of escape visible in any direction — and yet I still did. I have no reason to believe this time will be any different; it’s just a matter of when I can see the shoreline at the edge of this inky sea. At the moment it’s somewhere beyond the horizon.

2192: Things That Stopped Me From Sleeping Last Night

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I didn’t get to sleep until nearly 5am this morning due to a fairly bad anxiety attack. Here, in roughly chronological order, is a probably non-exhaustive list of things that this anxiety attack caused me to worry about.

Whether I’ll get a new job in time to make the next mortgage payment
Whether I’ll get a new job at all
Whether it’s possible to support myself financially through non-conventional means such as Patreon or its ilk
Whether I’m a good person
Whether our pet rat Clover is all right
Whether or not I should be upset over the fact I was blocked without warning or discussion on Twitter by someone I had previously got on very well with on the grounds that I had said “ignorant nonsense”
Whether or not I had really said “ignorant nonsense”, or whether this person was an idiot
Whether or not I had genuinely upset this person, regardless of whether or not they were an idiot
Whether it mattered if I had genuinely upset this person if they were going to just cut all ties with me without even attempting to talk about whatever the issue was
Whether I should have gone to sleep earlier
Whether it’s worth getting up in the morning
Whether I should apply for jobs in the same field I’ve just been looking into, or whether I should be looking elsewhere
Whether I should train in a new field
How I could possibly afford to train in a new field
What it would be like to work in a new field
Whether I’d gained weight this week after having a Chinese takeaway and fish and chips rather than sticking to Slimming World (got weighed this evening — I hadn’t, in fact I had lost a pound)
Whether I’ll get a new job at all (again)
Wouldn’t it be nice to win the lottery?
What am I going to do when I come to the end of the period I’m leasing my car? Is it in good enough condition for me to just give it back? Can I just give it back?
Whether I’ve made a lifetime’s worth of irreversible mistakes
Whether I can get my life back on track
What it would be like to put a gun to your head
Whether I would have the courage to pull the trigger
Whether I want to pull the trigger
Whether I was ever going to get to sleep
Whether I was ever going to get to sleep ever again
Why I can fall asleep in seconds in the morning, but not at night
Whether I should feel bad for liking Jeremy Clarkson
How much Lily Rank grinding I had left to do in Hyperdimension Neptunia U
Whether the meandering course that my friendships and relationships have taken over the years is the “right” path
Whether there is a right path for interpersonal relationships
Why my friend who had once been attacked by a dogpile of politically-correct nutcases on Twitter now appeared to be one of those politically-correct nutcases
Whether or not I should go back to Final Fantasy XIV
Whether I’d know if someone broke into the house
Whether someone who broke into the house would steal my massive TV, or just something small
Whether someone who broke into the house would come into our room and kill us

Anxiety sucks, because everything seems like a massive deal. Some of the things I was worrying about are important, but some of them are not. Last night, everything felt terrifying and disturbing. Last night, everything stopped me from sleeping. I would rather that did not happen again tonight.

2189: Reflections on the Last Five Years, Or: Life After Games Journalism

I’ve had a whole lot of thoughts swirling around in my head for some time now about various matters, and I feel as a therapeutic exercise — not to mention an opportunity for some of you to get to know me a bit better — it’s important that I express them somehow. I know all too well how frustrating, stressful and ultimately unhealthy it can be to have unresolved emotions and thoughts surrounding things that have happened to you — particularly bad things — and so this is my attempt to reboot my mind and try to move on a little.

Consequently, certain aspects of this post are more than likely to rub a few people up the wrong way. To those people whose jimmies are rustled I say simply: fuck you, I don’t give a shit, and if you really cared you wouldn’t have done the things you did in the first place.

In the interests of at least a facade of professionalism, I will not be naming individuals who have had a negative impact on my life in this post, though it will doubtless be extremely obvious to anyone who has been following me for a while who the people in question are. I will, however, be naming the companies involved, since that is less personal; everyone knows how unpleasant it is if you Google your own name and find something not terribly complimentary, whereas, unless you own a monolithic corporation, you probably care a little less about someone talking smack about your monolithic corporation. That’s how I’m going to attempt to justify myself about this, anyway.

Also, this post is crazy long, so for the benefit of those who only read on my front page, here’s a Read More tag.

Continue reading “2189: Reflections on the Last Five Years, Or: Life After Games Journalism” →

2171: Pain

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There are many types of pain in the world. There’s physical pain, which can range from mildly annoying to excruciating and debilitating. There’s mental pain, which, likewise, can range from occasionally distracting to life-consuming. There’s emotional pain, which ranges from feeling a bit blue to wanting to end your own existence.

Few things compare to the pain you feel when helpless to do anything to help someone you love, though. This pain cuts deep, right through your very soul, and threatens to rip out the very core of your being. It’s as excruciating, life-consuming and debilitating as all of the very worst the other kinds of pain have to offer, with the added joy that there’s absolutely no way whatsoever to treat it. If there were, you wouldn’t be feeling it in the first place.

Mostly this pain stems from a position of impotence: a position of complete powerlessness to do anything to help resolve that which is causing your special person anguish. It’s the frustration at not knowing what to do, and at the things you do try not being enough or not working. It’s the realisation that there really is nothing you can do but watch as someone else suffers, and just hope that people who are better qualified to sort things out are able to sort things out — or, in the worst possible circumstances, that things will just resolve themselves somehow.

I do not know how to deal with that pain, and I am suffering dreadfully from it. And I feel bad bringing it up, because the pain I feel is something intangible that is a consequence of someone who is physically suffering. But it’s there, nonetheless, and it probably needs “treatment” of some sort just as much as the physical pain does.

I don’t even know where to begin, though. Let’s hope that the old saying about time healing all wounds is really true.

2162: That Not-So-Wonderful Time of the Year

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It seems to me that this holiday season has been, for many people, a period of inordinately, disproportionately Bad Times. I’ve had some shittiness to deal with myself, which I won’t go into here, but just from browsing my Twitter feed each day it’s clear that I’m not alone in having a tough time of it right now.

This post, then, is perhaps to reassure those who are feeling a similar way that they’re not alone, that there are other people out there who understand the way they are feeling, and who would hang out with them, play video games with them, share lewd pictures of anime girls with them and/or hug them as appropriate. I say this as someone who would enjoy all of the above with the people I’m talking about.

This holiday season feels like a highly concentrated form of the tension that has permeated all of 2015. There’s been a thoroughly unpleasant undercurrent of “walking on eggshells” with regard to political correctness, and it feels like it’s been coming to a head recently.

Arguments over whether or not Hermione in the Harry Potter series is black erupted today, with both sides attempting to claim some sort of moral superiority in a frankly rather childish, stupid and utterly pointless conflict that didn’t need to happen in the first place. But this is far from the only thing that’s been highly charged; even the new Star Wars movie became politicised, with some commentators making more of the fact that its leads feature a black person and a woman than the fact that, by all accounts, The Force Awakens appears to be something of a return to form for the series.

Among it all, the ever-bubbling conflict between the so-called “Social Justice Warriors” — blowhards who want to look like they’re saying the “right” things with regard to political correctness, but who are actually just seeking glory for themselves rather than having any real interest in changing society for the better — and people who just want to be left the fuck alone to enjoy whatever they want has continued, with the former group in particular continuing its trend of making wild accusations without any sort of proof, blaming all of society’s ills on “GamerGate” and “the Men’s Rights Activists” rather than taking the time to get to know any members of these groups and contemplate why they are at loggerheads.

This perpetual “culture war” makes me incredibly sad, because it has poisoned what used to be lively and interesting public discussion and debate over subjects such as video games. Anita Sarkeesian’s appearance on the scene, with her oh-so-brave step of saying that sometimes common tropes in video games favour men over women — while conveniently ignoring the hundreds, even thousands, of excellent female characters in gaming — acted as a catalyst for all manner of nutjobs to come out of the woodwork, and this whole movement seems to have grown in prominence by a huge amount in the last year. Fans of Japanese games and anime on social media are particularly perturbed that there are no mainstream sites remaining that are willing to give niche Japanese titles the time of day, instead preferring to look at them on a superficial level, brand them “sexist” or “misogynist” and move on, when in fact, in many cases, these “otaku games” are far more progressive than any bullshit these loudmouths might come up with. Seeing these discussions makes me all the more sad that I was strongarmed out of my position at USgamer, where, as many of you know, I ran a weekly JPgamer column, celebrating the weird and wonderful entertainment that our friends in the East — and the intrepid localisation teams — brought us.

It’s not so much the lack of media representation that saddens me in this instance, though; it’s the sense of alienation I feel when I see people that I thought were friends starting to spout ill-informed nonsense in the name of being “progressive”. Mockery, public shaming and similar behaviours are not progressive, and I cannot support them or anyone who condones them — speaking as someone who was bullied throughout school, and who suffered a horrendous targeted harassment campaign a couple of years back, I know what harm dogpiling can do to your wellbeing. It surprises and upsets me to see friends who once suffered the effects of being publicly humiliated by these assholes now joining their ranks and gleefully indulging in that sort of reprehensible behaviour. A case of “if you can’t beat them, join them” perhaps — but whether or not that’s the case, it still sucks to feel like you don’t know someone any more.

This post has rambled and perhaps got a little off-topic somewhere along the way, but all these thoughts are swirling around my head right now, and this holiday season feels like something of a focal point for all the misery, tension and discomfort that 2015 has brought to numerous people I know, including myself. The world feels like it’s getting worse, not better, and when you’re someone who tries their best to be a good person and not hurt anyone, this is exceedingly frustrating and upsetting.

Hopefully 2016 will be a better time for everyone, but at this stage I’m not particularly confident. I hope I end up pleasantly surprised.

2150: My Beard Controls the Universe

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I’m pretty sure most of us have behaviours and signals that things are going well or badly at any given time.

For me, it’s the length of my beard and hair. Generally speaking, the more unkempt I look, the worse I am feeling; in other words, the length of my beard and hair are directly proportional (inversely proportional?) to my current state of mental health.

I trimmed my beard to a somewhat more manageable length this evening. It wasn’t necessarily because I’m feeling any better about things than I have done, but it felt like something of a symbolic gesture if nothing else: the desire to see things change and get better. To put it another way, I trimmed my beard in anticipation of an improvement in my mental health. If it happens, great; if it doesn’t, well, I have a somewhat neater beard than I had when I woke up this morning.

The length of various hairs growing out of my body isn’t the only indicator of my mental state, though. The tidiness of the rooms in which I spend the most time is, too. Specifically, when we’re talking about the lounge, which is where I’m writing this from right now, the amount of crap there is on the coffee table is generally directly proportional to how miserable I’ve been recently. There’s a fair bit of crap on there at the moment, though at least part of that is down to the takeaway curry we had for dinner this evening.

I say all this, but it’s entirely possible that it all works the other way around, of course. Perhaps my hair and beard being long is what causes my mental health to decline. Perhaps the messiness of my environment causes me to feel bad.

Or, perhaps, it’s the more likely situation: both sides contribute to each other. I feel miserable, so I let things slide, then I see how much I’ve let things slide, and that makes me miserable, so I let things slide further because it doesn’t feel “worth” doing anything about them, then I see how much worse things have gotten… you get the idea and see how this works, yes? This is, broadly speaking, how depression works, and how it can get you into an endless spiral, circling the Drain of Misery but never quite — in most cases, anyway — getting completely sucked down it.

I’ve been in worse situations in my life. Things could be much worse right now. Certain aspects of my life are fairly positive. But on the whole, there are a lot of influences making me a bit miserable at the moment. Not exactly how you want to be feeling going into the festive season, for sure, but all I can keep doing for now is looking forward and hoping for better days ahead, I guess.

2136: Dark World

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I am having a rough time, I don’t mind admitting. I was pretty open and honest about one of the things that was bothering me a few days ago, but it’s just one of several things that have been mounting up and causing me a not-inconsiderable degree of grief and stress just recently.

I would like it all to stop, please.

The person I care most about in the world is suffering with pain that won’t go away and that no-one seems to know how to fix. It’s at a point where it’s impacting both of our lives fairly significantly, but I don’t know what to do about it. Well, I sort of do: there isn’t really anything I can do about it myself, save for hanging in there and offering support when and how I can. I don’t resent having to do that, of course, but it is exhausting.

Alongside that, I find myself worrying about doing the right thing with regard to working. I’m enjoying my current seasonal temp position in retail, but at the back of my mind is always the knowledge that I’m underpaid, overworked and overqualified; a little voice in the back of my mind reminding me that I am 34 years old and should probably have done something a little more with my life by now.

The thing is, I’ve tried doing more with my life. I’ve tried being a teacher, and failed. I’ve tried having a “normal” office job, and failed. I’ve tried being a games journalist, and failed. In each and every instance, I’ve been pushed out by some combination of me being unable to stand up to people being assholes, my own declining mental health, my own lack of self-confidence and, on several occasions, events that were completely beyond my control.

It really, really blows to feel like you’ve wasted so many years of your life, and that you’re stuck on the “bottom rung” of the career ladder. It makes me feel guilty for enjoying the work I’m doing, because I “should” be doing more. But the thing is, I don’t really feel like I want to be doing more, nor do I feel like I’m entirely capable of doing more. My experiences since leaving university have proven to be such repeated and violent blows to my own sense of belief in my own abilities that I just want to be able to get on with things and let progress happen naturally if it’s warranted.

I really don’t know what to do any more. I guess I just have to ride this particular mental storm out, just as I’ve ridden out all the previous ones I’ve suffered over the years. This one feels like quite a bad one, but I can’t give up; I mustn’t give up. Giving up will simply make everything worse.

Forgive the self-pity, but as you can probably tell, I’m not in a great place right now. You will, dear reader, hopefully understand if I am somewhat out of sorts and in need of venting a bit of steam over the next few days, weeks, months…

2126: One of Those Times

I’ve been having a rough few days, depression- and anxiety-wise. Things have been “getting to me” more than they have for a long time, and today felt particularly bad; earlier in the day I just needed a cry more than anything. I wasn’t crying over anything in particular; it just happened. Everything was too much. I felt a little better afterwards, but there’s still some residual bleakness lurking around inside my head.

I was interested to see on Twitter that a friend of mine had also been having a rough time with his mental health, in his case noting that his anger at something that might seem relatively “trivial” to an outside observer had actually led him to self-harm for the first time in quite a while. Like me, he noted that the incident itself wasn’t a particular catalyst for his reaction; it was, presumably, just more a case of “the straw that broke the camel’s back”, and everything coming to a head leading to something mental snapping.

Times like this seem to come for a lot of people around the same sort of time. I don’t really know what causes it, but it’s interesting to ponder. In this particular instance, it’s entirely possible that the horrible things that have been going on in Paris have subconsciously infiltrated our minds and have been influencing our thoughts in negative directions, but to be perfectly frank, it doesn’t feel that way to me at all; I’d been feeling bleak and miserable before all that happened, so perhaps it’s something else.

Maybe it’s environmental? We’re coming into winter now, and the evenings are getting darker earlier, making the whole world seem just a little bit more closed-in and oppressive to some people. I’ve always quite liked the night, but it being dark outside is very much a signal to the body that “the day is over, it’s probably time to do relaxing things and/or sleep now” and as such isn’t particularly conducive to being productive.

Maybe there’s some sort of physical reason; a literal “something in the air”, as it were. Air pressure can sometimes have an effect on the way you feel physically, so perhaps there’s an effect on mental wellbeing too, or perhaps just the changing weather of the advancing seasons has an impact on how everyone’s feeling.

Or maybe it’s even some sort of metaphysical, spiritual thing; the balance between Light and Dark, Good and Evil being off or something. (It’s probably not this. But you never really know, do you?)

Whatever it is, it’s pretty crappy, and I know from today that I’m not the only one who is feeling a bit bleak and miserable about everything for no real reason at the moment. As such, I’d like to say to anyone out there who is feeling a bit low that I hope things look up for you soon, and remember that it’s often really helpful to try and express the things you’re feeling, even if you can’t quite explain them. Talk to a friend; write them down in a journal; blog them as I have; tweet them to your followers. Looking at things from another perspective can sometimes be helpful, and even if it isn’t, it can give you a much-needed sense of relief and release to just get all those stray, dark thoughts out of your head.

Be well, everyone!