1847: Your TV Is Not Trying to Kill You

So another outlandish “privacy scandal” looked set to erupt on Twitter earlier. For the benefit of anyone who might be considering sharing anything regarding Samsung Smart TVs sending your personal information to third parties, allow me to clarify a few things.

Samsung Smart TVs have a voice recognition feature. I know this because I have one. (I also never use it, because voice recognition is, for the most part, stupid and pointless when you have a remote control right there. Assuming you have hands, it is pretty much always just as quick to use the remote as it is to remember exactly how you’re supposed to phrase a voice command.)

Anyway. The way this voice control works is very simple. You press a button on the “special” remote, not the “normal” one, and the microphone in the remote starts picking up your voice. When you’ve finished speaking, it sends what you said over the Internet to a speech recognition service (that more than likely converts the speech into computer-friendly text for more accurate processing) and then your TV receives an instruction based on what you said. The TV itself isn’t doing any real processing; that all happens remotely, and the TV simply receives the instruction to do something based on what the speech recognition service thinks you said.

Astute iPhone-owning readers will know that this is exactly how Siri on Apple devices works — it’s why you can’t use Siri when you don’t have an Internet connection, even to access information stored locally on your phone such as your address book and suchlike.

The reason these services work like this is to take some of the processing workload off the phone/TV/other device with voice recognition. It’s not an ideal solution, but it does mean that the devices in question can be less expensive because they don’t need hefty processing power or software to recognise voices pre-installed on them. One day we may have devices that can recognise our voices accurately without requiring an Internet connection — although chances are by the time we’ve perfected that, the Internet will be “everywhere”, rather than just in Wi-Fi hotspots and mobile coverage areas — but until then, this is how voice recognition tends to work.

As such, a necessary part of the entire process involves sending a recording of what you said to the third-party speech recognition service. This means that if you press the microphone button on your Smart TV remote and then decide that the appropriate thing to say at that moment would be “My credit card number is…”, a recording of you saying your credit card number will be sent to this speech recognition service. Chances are, nothing will happen with it, but as with any sort of unencrypted information transmitted across the Internet, there’s a slim risk of nefarious types intercepting the transmission and taking advantage of it.

Because of this slim risk of stupid people telling their TV remote what their credit card number is, Samsung have had to put a disclaimer in their Smart TV documentation that the TV may send your personal information to a third party, and of course, people have misinterpreted this as the TV always listening to what you’re saying, and it therefore being unsafe to share any personal information while within earshot of your TV. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because as I’ve outlined above, you have to specifically press a button in order to activate voice recognition mode, and the “third party” it’s being sent to is doing nothing more than converting your babblings into something the computer in the TV can recognise as an instruction to do something.

That is it. Nothing more. Nothing sinister. And if you’re still uneasy, you could 1) not buy a Smart TV, since technology clearly terrifies you, 2) not use the voice recognition function (which, in my experience, is patchy, slow and pointless anyway) or 3) not talk about credit card numbers or other personal information when you’ve pressed the button that specifically asks your TV to listen to you.

So there you go. This has been a public service announcement. I thank you.

1696: Side Effects

One of the side-effects of 1) having a job that doesn’t involve staring glassy-eyed at the Internet all day and 2) being in the middle of a self-enforced social media blackout (it’s going great, by the way) is that your priorities and even interests change.

Oh, don’t worry, I’m not about to stop boring you with tales of obscure video games any time soon, but what I have found is that I’m in no hurry to keep up with the latest news in gaming and related spheres such as technology.

This was really driven home to me today when someone asked what I thought of Apple’s new announcements.

Eh? I thought. I haven’t heard anything about those.

Apparently Apple announced a new iPhone and a smartwatch, whatever the fuck one of those is. And I was surprised to find how little of a shit I gave about either of them. My current phone is a functional workhorse at best, though without Facebook and Twitter demanding my attention every few minutes it stays in my pocket or drawer a lot more than it used to, and is largely being used for a bit of lunchtime Web browsing and playing music in the car. As such, I find it hard to get excited about the latest piece of shiny, pretty and overpriced tech that Apple is coming out with. My honeymoon period with “smartphones” is well and truly over: I’m not interested in playing games on them, I’m rapidly discovering the value of not having social media in your pocket, and for organisation, frankly I’d rather use a paper notebook and calendar. Get off my lawn.

It was the watch that particularly bewildered me, though. Before I left the games press, tech writers were just starting to get excited about “wearables”, and I couldn’t fathom why. I still can’t. It just sounds like an unnecessary step in the process of consuming digital content, and a way for the ever-present menace of notifications to be even more intrusive to your daily life than a constantly beeping phone already is. A little computer on your wrist is something straight out of sci-fi and a few years ago I’d have been all over it, but on reflection, now? That’s not what I want. Not at all.

I’m not writing about this to be one of those smug “well, I don’t care about those things you’re excited about” people — though I’m well aware it may well come across that way. Rather, I’m more surprised at myself; I always had myself pegged as a lifelong gadget junkie, and the trail of defunct-but-useful-at-the-time technology (Hi, Palm!) my life has left in its wake would seem to back that up.

But I guess at some stage there’s a saturation point. You see something, and see no way for it to possibly fit into your life; no reason to own one. I already felt this way about tablets — I barely use our iPad even today — and I certainly feel it about Apple’s new watch. Smartphones still have something of a place in my life — if nothing else, it’s useful and convenient to have things like maps and a means of people contacting you (or indeed contacting others) in your pocket — but their role is much diminished from what it was, and I’m in no hurry to upgrade to the latest and greatest.

It’s another case of, as we discussed the other day, solutions to problems you don’t have. All this technology is great, but it convinces us that our lives would be an absolute chaotic mess without it — when, in fact, it’s entirely possible that the opposite could be true. After all, the human race survived pretty well before we discovered the ability to photograph your dinner and post it on the Internet, didn’t we? While I’m not ready to completely let go of my smartphone — not yet? — I’m certainly nowhere near as reliant on technology as I once was, and I’m certainly not obsessively checking news feeds to find out the latest and greatest news about it.

And you know what? It’s pretty nice and peaceful. I could get used to this.

#oneaday Day 862: Lion and Logic

I’ve been meaning to reinstall my copy of Logic Studio for ages now. For the uninitiated, Logic Studio is a suite of music and audio production tools for Mac that has become an essential part of the podcast editing process for me. I have a podcast to be editing right now, in fact, but am unable to do so until I reinstall Logic Studio, which somehow buggered itself up in the transfer process from my old Mac to my new one.

So it was that today I decided to bite the bullet and begin the several hours long process that is reinstalling Logic Studio. (There are lots of DVDs of content.) I popped in the first disc, opened up the Finder window for the disc and double-clicked the installer, only to be confronted by a message that I really wasn’t expecting.

“You can’t open the application LogicStudio.mpkg because PowerPC applications are no longer supported.”

WHAT.

Logic Studio is a Universal app — for non Mac users, this means that both older PowerPC-based Macs and newer Intel-based Macs can run the program. However, for some reason that remains unknown to seemingly everyone on the Internet, Apple decided to make the installer application for Logic Studio a PowerPC-only application.

On past versions of OS X, this wasn’t a problem, as a technology called Rosetta was included to allow newer Intel Macs to run PowerPC-only apps. This feature was phased out in the latest version of OS X (“Lion”), however, meaning that you’re seemingly fucked if you want to reinstall anything from disc that is more than a year or two old. (This is obviously not an issue for anything you have purchased from the Mac App Store, since when you download from there you always get the most up-to-date version.)

It’s pretty clear why this situation is how it is, even if no-one from Apple would like to admit it — the latest verion of Logic Studio is, naturally, available from the Mac App Store, meaning that those who are really serious about their music and audio production needs should just drop £130 and upgrade. Some of us (like me) aren’t made of money, however, meaning a frantic scrabble around Google to try and figure out what to do next.

There was plenty of advice on how to get Logic Studio actually running once it’s installed (it seems that Apple included some sort of “obsolescence” tech in the app to actually forcibly prevent it from running under Lion — another nudge in the direction of the upgrade, no doubt) but very little on how to install it in the first place. Fortunately, I eventually found the information I needed, and I thought I could serve anyone suffering the same problem well by sharing said solution. So, without further ado, I present:

How to Install Logic Studio 8 Under OS X 10.7 “Lion”

You will need:
1 copy of your original Logic Studio discs.
1 OS X 10.6 “Snow Leopard” DVD (10.5 “Leopard” may work, too, but I didn’t investigate)
Lots of time

1. Insert your Snow Leopard DVD into your Mac and open the disc’s Finder window.
2. Double-click on the Optional Installs folder.
3. Double-click on the Optional Installs.mpkg file to run the installer.
4. Agree to all the bumf and choose your OS X install drive.
5. Rummage through the list of optional installs and ensure that the checkbox next to “Rosetta” is ticked.
6. Begin the install process. It should be pretty quick.

You’ll probably get a warning message that Rosetta is not supported on Lion, but ignore it and proceed.

7. Remove the Snow Leopard DVD and replace with the Logic Studio Install DVD.
8. Open the disc’s Finder window and double click on the Logic Studio.mpkg file.
9. Follow the instructions as normal. The Logic Studio install process takes hours, so go and do something else and check back to swap discs every so often.

Voila! Sorted.

I haven’t finished reinstalling Logic Studio as yet so I don’t know if any of the poking around to get it actually running is necessary as yet, but the installer certainly seems quite happy. This Rosetta trick also has the happy side-effect of allowing PowerPC-only applications to run under Lion, which was previously impossible — though obviously you do still need a Snow Leopard disc to pull this off. They don’t have license keys, though, so if you have a Mac-toting friend with one, just borrow it — or doubtless some enterprising young individual has put it online somewhere, too.

I’m normally pretty patient with Apple’s idiosyncratic ways of doing things — I believe things like the App Store, the “walled garden” nature of iOS and numerous other gubbins are all excellent ideas when you consider the demographic that the Apple of 2012 is trying to court — but all this seemed rather heavy-handed and unnecessary. To lock customers out of an application that they had paid several hundred pounds/dollars/whatevers for because of their desire to be up-to-date with their operating system seems ridiculous — particularly as there’s no real reason that I can discern that the app itself shouldn’t work. I guess we’ll see once I actually finish reinstalling and try to get the bloody thing working again.

In other news, expect a new Squadron of Shame SquadCast by the end of the weekend, all being well!

#oneaday Day 779: Snark Pit

I’ve kind of had it with snark. The whole “let’s piss on everything” parade that shows up any time something vaguely interesting or cool happens is getting really rather tiresome, and over the last few weeks and months I’ve actually been taking steps to minimise my exposure to it by simply unfollowing people on Twitter who prove to be irritants in this fashion. (British game journos, you don’t come off well in this poll, by the way, naming no specific names.)

Unfortunately, on a day like today, which held among other things the promise of a hotly-anticipated iPad-related announcement from Apple (which turned out to be “The New iPad” with its shiny retina display and quad-core processor… yum) it’s difficult to avoid said snark. It seems that for a lot of people nowadays that if something isn’t to your own personal preference, then no-one should enjoy it.

At this point I’ll say that I’m well aware I’ve been guilty of this in the past, and for that I apologise. (The X-Factor is still unquestionably shit, though. There is no valid argument in favour of a show that gave the world Jedward. I’m just not going to rant at length about the subject any more.) I am trying my best these days to see arguments from both sides, but unless you’re some sort of level 99 mediator, you’re always going to come down on one side or another. So long as you don’t force your views on others and expect everyone to agree with you, everyone should be free to do that. (Unless it’s about something dickish. I think we can pretty much universally agree that those who judge people based on skin colour or sexual orientation can all pretty much just bugger off and sit on a spike.)

I digress. I was talking about snark, and specifically relating to today’s Apple announcements. The new iPad is, by all accounts, a lovely-looking device, and the Retina display is sure to raise some eyebrows. As per usual for an Apple event, the company came out with its usual stuff about how it believed we were entering a “post-PC” era and about how people supposedly “preferred gaming on their iPad” to consoles and computers.

Contentious comments, for sure, but firstly, they’re marketing hyperbole — Apple announcements are press events, after all, and a company as big as Apple is never going to be humble about its achievements or lofty ambitions — and secondly, it might not be quite so unreasonable as you think. Already many households are making use of iPads for simple tasks such as browsing the Web, checking email, watching TV and movies, playing games, keeping themselves organised and all manner of other things. And the sheer number of people who have downloaded Angry Birds, whatever you may think of it (I hate it) should give you pause when considering the gaming-related comments.

But instead of thinking these points through rationally and considering the perspective that Apple might have been coming from, in it was with the snark about how wrong Apple was and how much bullshit they were talking. Up went the defensive walls, and a veritable barrage of snark was fired over the parapets towards anyone who dared to say “hmm, hang on, that’s actually quite interesting, and possibly plausible”. (I’m not saying their comments were true, rather that they deserved greater consideration than immediate outright dismissal.)

It only continued when, as usually happens in Apple announcement events, software started to be shown. The new versions of iMovie and GarageBand for iOS drew particular ire, with various Twitter users making acidic comments about how awful the music people makes with GarageBand supposedly is, and how terrible the “movie trailers” facility of iMovie is.

Once again, no consideration was given to the audiences that these features might be directed at. As a former employee of the Apple Store, let me assure you there is absolutely no love lost between me and the tech giant of Cupertino, so I have no “need” or contractual obligation to defend them — and also, a company the size of Apple certainly doesn’t need my defence either. But as a former employee, I know that Apple customers aren’t just high-falutin’ creative types, gadget freaks, tech snobs and people with more money than sense. I know that people who walk through the front door of that store range from very young to very old; from experienced computer user to complete beginner. I know that there’s a considerable proportion of that audience who came to Apple because of its products’ reputation of ease of use. I’ve even taught plenty of those people how to achieve simple tasks in products such as iMovie and GarageBand, and to see the looks on their faces when they realised that yes, they could be creative with their computers despite their lack of technological knowhow was, to use a word Apple itself is very fond of, magical.

As such, I feel it’s grossly unfair and downright blinkered for people (including professional commentators in some situations) to completely dismiss a considerable proportion of Apple’s audience and declare a feature to be “awful” or “crap” simply on the grounds that they don’t see the appeal, or think that its results are cheesy. (They are, but imagine if you had no idea how to edit a video and suddenly discovered you could put together a slick-looking movie trailer from your holiday footage and upload it to the Internet. You’d be pretty stoked, and you wouldn’t care that it was a bit cheesy. If you were inspired by this ease of use, you might even look into the subject further to find out how to take more control over the stuff you were creating.)

I’m using Apple as an example today since the announcement is still pretty fresh in everyone’s mind. But the presence of snark can be found pretty much any time something interesting is announced or discussed, especially in the tech or gaming industries. You can count on there being an unfunny hashtag pun game mocking the story within a matter of minutes; endlessly-retweeted “jokes” trying to look clever; and, of course, protracted slanging matches any time someone calls these people out on it.

And, you know, I’ve had enough. If you have a valid criticism of something, by all means share it and back up your point. But if you have nothing to say other than “I think this is crap, therefore everyone else should too” then kindly keep it to yourself. Because, frankly, your opinion isn’t anywhere near as important as you think it is.

#oneaday Day 718: Job Hunting… Again

I was turned down for a job today after two strong interviews. I can probably mention what it was now that it’s all done and dusted — I was looking to return to working in the Apple Stores, only this time in one of the three stores near me over at Bath or Bristol (which has two, the greedy pirate-talking bastards).

I’m not too cut up about it. I’m sort of surprised I got as far as I did as, to be perfectly honest, my previous stint working for aforementioned fruit-based corporation didn’t end on the best of terms — though I hasten to add it wasn’t anything to do with the company itself, or indeed anything I did wrong. Rather it was the result of standing up to what essentially amounted to workplace bullying from several senior staff members, and me tending my resignation before things really got out of hand. I bear Apple the company no ill will, though I do find myself wondering if I blotted my copybook somewhat by leaving in the circumstances I did. I contemplated not mentioning my past stint at the company, but in all honesty, the good times at Apple far outweighed the bad; lying is not something I’m good at (nor do I want to be good at it); and, to be frank, I was an awesome employee there that customers liked, and I had sales and satisfaction metrics to back it up. I wanted to talk about my past times there; it’s just a shame they ended the way they did. (And yes, I’m still a bit bitter about it.)

Ah well. This is the second attempt I’ve made to rejoin the company, and the second time I’ve been turned down after getting quite a way through the process. I think I’m calling it quits now, particularly as things are making movements in other territories.

You may already have noted that I’m writing for Inside Social Games and Inside Mobile Apps, covering the latest in Facebook and iOS titles. While these games aren’t the most compelling things in the world for those of us who have been raised on computer and console entertainment, the fact that there are fucking millions of the bastards means that there’s always something to write about, and the different audience of Inside Network’s sites presents an interesting new challenge for my writing skills — now I’m essentially writing for professionals, specialists and businesspeople rather than consumers. While this means that the things I’m writing aren’t as “general interest” (or at least “general gamer interest”) as the things I was covering for GamePro, there is an audience, and plenty of things to cover. Which is good.

As well as this, I got an Exciting Email today which I’m not going to go into details about as yet because maybe nothing will come of it. But if something does come of it it could be potentially Very Exciting News Indeed. And Very Exciting News Indeed is always pleasurable to share, because it leads to lots of comments and Facebook Likes (as lazy a social gesture as they are, getting a bunch of Likes on some Very Exciting News is always quite satisfying). But I’m getting ahead of myself. We are in the territory of naught but Very Exciting Potential right now, but just keep your fingers crossed for me, and I’ll either explain soon or babble on about something completely different in an attempt to make you forget I ever mentioned it.

To any prospective employers who happen to be reading this: hire me. I’m super-awesome. If you want evidence of how committed I am to projects, take a look at the number on top of this post. That’s seven hundred and eighteen days I’ve been posting blogs for. Every day. Even while going through some of the most difficult periods of my life, and even while holding down a full time job which also demanded me writing a ton of stuff every day. I say I’ll do something, and I’ll do it, and I have plenty of highly respectable people who will vouch for that fact. Just ask ’em.

No? Ah c’mon. I’ll do a stickman caricature of you and everything.

Fine. But know that all you’re doing is enabling my Civ V and The Old Republic addictions.

#oneaday Day 626: Farewell, Mr Jobs

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do,” said Steve Jobs to a group of Stanford University graduates during a commencement speech in 2005. “If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”

Wise words from a great man — who sadly passed away yesterday, aged just 56. I’m actually quite sad about this because, although I obviously didn’t know the man personally, he’s had a profound impact on my life. I’m not the only one, either — this morning various social networks are filling up with tributes to Jobs, his life and the influence that his company Apple’s products have had on their lives. My good buddy AJ Minotti, for example, noted that he’s been podcasting with his brother for four years now — and this is longer than anything else he’s ever committed himself to in his life, whether that’s work, school or relationships. Podcasting defines him, and although podcasting may well have come along in a different form with a different name had Apple not pushed it as a publishing medium, in his mind it’s inextricably associated with Jobs and Apple as a whole.

For me, my exposure to Apple products began with an early stint as a freelance writer for the Official Nintendo Magazine in the UK. I was putting together walkthroughs for Turok 2, Star Wars: Battle for Naboo and Banjo-Tooie. To take screen grabs from these titles, I had to play the game through a video capture card linked to a Mac and take shots from the video feed as I played through. I’m not sure exactly why they used the (then-OS 9 sporting) Macs for their office work, but I guess it was due to the supposedly common knowledge that Mac software was good for creative and design work.

Subsequently, I got myself an iPod with a 20GB hard drive. At the time, I couldn’t imagine ever being able to fill it — but having graduated to it from a 32MB (yes, really) MP3 player it was a revelation to be able to carry that much music around with me in my pocket. I took it everywhere with me, and it lasted a good few years, too. It moved house with me several times, remained an almost permanent attachment to my car stereo and joined me at the gym on many occasions. I came to know and love the music on it and, to this day, that first iPod is one of my favourite pieces of technology I’ve ever owned.

After joining Apple back in 2007, I got my first exposure to the modern OSX Mac, and I was instantly smitten. Here was a system that ran smoothly and efficiently, did what I wanted it to do with minimum fuss and yet still remained powerful enough to let you tweak it as you saw fit. The online community agreed, too, and Macs remain a great platform for independent publishers to release awesome and useful applications, utilities and — to a lesser extent, admittedly — games.

It was the creativity side of things that really grabbed me though. Apple’s iLife suite was excellent, allowing you to do things that many inexperienced users who came through the doors of the store assumed to be difficult, challenging or demanding on their computers. Things like editing and organising photos; editing video; making a DVD; or producing professional sounding music — all of it was within reach of the average user, and all of those applications gave users a firm understanding of the concepts they’d need to be familiar with prior to graduating on to more advanced, professional software.

When my role changed from the in-store “Mac Specialist” salesperson position to the in-store “Creative” personal trainer position, I got to spend all day every day working with these applications, teaching people how to use them, presenting workshops and tutorials on them with genuine enthusiasm — I believed in these products because I’d used them extensively myself — and even training new members of staff on what they needed to know about the computers and their applications. It was, for a very long time, absolutely the best job I ever had, and I felt very much what Steve described when he was addressing those Stanford graduates in 2005. I’m sorry that I had to leave — but, without going into too many details, poor in-store leadership that seemingly rejected many of the core values of the Apple credo meant that I, and several others, saw little choice but to move on to pastures new. In my case, this pretty much marked the “beginning of the end” for me, as from that point I was to only have one more short-term teaching job before a year of unemployment and the collapse of my marriage — along with my life as I knew it, of course. I won’t lie — I regret some of the choices I made back then, but what’s passed is passed, and you can’t change what’s already gone by.

Besides, nowadays things are seemingly back on track, of course. In Apple terms, I still use my Mac every day for work. While it’s getting on in years a bit and, like a faithful old dog, is a little sickly and decides not to do what it’s told at times — Apple products don’t break, you know, yeah, right — it’s still my weapon of choice for all sorts of things: browsing the web, working on documents, working with photos, making music. While I have my PC for gaming, now, Macs will always be a part of my life, as will my trusty iPhone, which never leaves my side.

In short, Steve Jobs has — at least indirectly — had a profound impact on my life. As an employee, he was an inspirational leader with an obvious vision for where he wanted the company to go, and even for those who aren’t Apple “fanboys” it’s difficult to deny that he was a figure in the tech industry who commanded — demanded — respect. He will be greatly missed by all — whether they knew him personally or not.

Farewell, Mr Jobs — and thank you for the good times.

#oneaday, Day 238: Nerd Rage

As a new acquaintance from Twitter would say, nerd rage is one of the most formidable forces known to Man. It is a dreadful and terrible force, both specific and unfocused at the same time, often showing itself via the personification of inanimate objects who really don’t know any better and are just attempting to do their job and failing. Raging at said inanimate objects or poorly-constructed pieces of software rarely does any good, but it is commonly assumed that it makes one “feel better”.

As the years have passed, though, everyone’s bullshit-tolerance threshold has lowered significantly to the stage we’re at now, where if something doesn’t work immediately and instantly and then remain working 100% of the time, people blow their top and spew their vitriol to whoever will listen, which is usually the Internet. Assuming the Internet connection isn’t the thing which is causing the nerd rage, in which case alternative outlets have to be explored.

This is why issues such as the Xbox 360’s infamous “red ring of death” smart so much. Not only is it a shoddy flaw in the system which should never happen in the first place, but people’s tolerance for such shoddiness is far lower now than it would have been, say, twenty or thirty years ago. Hell, in the days of the NES, everyone was quite happy to accept the fact that if a game didn’t boot up first time, it clearly and obviously meant that you had to blow in it to “get the dust out” despite no actual evidence that it was actually dust causing the game not to work correctly. And no evidence that those tiny flecks of gob that probably got into the cartridge circuitry while you were blowing in it actually helped matters, either.

It’s also why we get such whingers in places such as Apple’s App Store. “OMG 1 STAR COZ IT DIDNT WORK ONCE THIS IS A DIGSRACE REFUND PLZ”. “Is it working now?” “Yes, but…” (etc.)

It’s fair enough to want things to “just work”. Apple in particular like to pride themselves on the fact that their products “just work” (which they do approximately 95% of the time, which means the remaining 5% incites nerd rage of a degree you’ve never seen before, particularly amongst recent converts and/or Android users). But it’s worth remembering a time not so long ago when we enjoyed tape load errors, boot errors, numerical error codes you had to look up in a book, garbled graphics, tape decks that chewed up tapes and then spat them out, CD players that seemed to deliberately wait for you to insert your favourite disc then sprout internal blades to scratch the crap out of it and dial-up network connections where it was possible to get a “busy” signal for hours at a time. And there was no Internet to spew your vitriol over back then.

Nowadays we have complicated devices and software that no-one except superhumans understand really, and established solutions such as blowing on it, shaking it, hitting it, shouting at it, turning it off and back on again and setting fire to it don’t work. So the only thing left to do is get frustrated. And possibly call up one of those superhumans. Because everybody knows at least one. (Note: If you don’t know a superhuman nerd or don’t want to bother them, you can save yourself a lot of time by referring to this chart.)

In other news, the router here is rubbish and crap and I hate it and it disconnects Xbox LIVE every five minutes when I’m playing Fable II and it doesn’t like WordPress and SRSLY who uses AOL nowadays anyway and… (repeat to fade)

#oneaday, Day 159: Obligatory New Phone Gushing

I picked up an iPhone 4 today. Cheap, too, thanks to the contract I went for. I was already on a £45 a month contract, so continued with that and got a new iPhone 4 16GB for £29. Nice. Plus I can recycle my old 3G and get at least £150 for it, so that’ll be good too.

The new phone is absolutely astonishing when coming from the ageing 3G. I’m not sure if it was the OS updates or that apps were just getting more and more sophisticated, but the 3G was really starting to struggle with a lot of things. Even doing simple tasks like sending a tweet were causing momentary pauses, requiring you to wait before it would respond to an input. Some apps were better than others, but unfortunately some of the apps I was using most frequently were the most severely affected.

No such issues with the 4. While I was waiting in the queue at the Apple Store, a former colleague came up to me and showed me how quickly apps started on the new phone. It was impressive stuff. It’s noticeable with games, too – I tried out Warpgate earlier, a game which stuttered and juddered all over the shop on the 3G. On the 4, the loading is so quick that it really doesn’t need loading screens any more.

The biggest wow is the screen, though. It really is not an exaggeration to say it is pin-sharp. You can’t see the individual pixels. Unless you look really, REALLY closely, but then you’re just the guy pressing his nose against his phone. It’s particularly noticeable on text. Everything has a lovely smooth-edged but sharp look to it, which makes text beautifully readable. The high resolution also means that web pages can be viewed zoomed out and still be readable, too.

Gave the camera a brief try tonight, but not a serious one. It certainly seems good, though, and the preview image on the screen looked ludicrously sharp. The flash seems to work well, too, and the iMovie app is neat. Not sure if it’s £2.99 neat, but it’s cool to be able to trim and edit video, including adding stills and audio, on your device. And for a dinky little phone to shoot 720p video? That’s pretty awesome however you look at it.

In short then, it’s great. I haven’t spent a significant amount of time with it yet, but I very much like what I’ve seen today. Those of you still with a 1st gen or a 3G iPhone should definitely make the upgrade. If you’ve got the 3GS, I’d say it’s less pressing, though the extra speed, the lovely screen and the enhancements to the camera are all very nice indeed.

And I haven’t seen any evidence of the “you can block the antennae with your hand” thing yet, but maybe that’s just because I naturally hold the phone in a way that doesn’t cause that problem!

Yeah, I’m an Apple geek. Sue me. If Android had got to me first, I’m sure I’d be a fan. But as it is, I’ve never felt the need to even look at an Android phone. The iPhone does what I need it to, and it does it well. I’m sure Android does some things better; but frankly if that’s the case I’d rather not know!

#oneaday, Day 64: Act Your Age, Fanboys

Why does the phenomenon of fanboyism still exist? And more to the point, why does it exist amongst men (and it pretty much is always men) who are old enough to know better?

The simple and easy answer is, of course, that it’s always been around. I remember growing up as an Atari-based family and all of the Atari magazines at the time belittling the competition with stupid names like Spectrash (Spectrum) and Crappydore (Commodore 64). Then came the schoolyard arguments – SEGA vs Nintendo. Sonic vs Mario. “We’ve got Street Fighter II! Hah! …Oh wait, now you have, too.” It got pretty silly.

Once the Dreamcast came out, it was hard to justify fanboyism because, certainly once SEGA’s wondermachine came out, it was so far ahead of its competition – the 64-bit Nintendo 64 and the 32-bit PlayStation – that half-hearted attempts to call it things like “Dreampants” always came across as more than a little desperate.

Things then kicked off again with Sony vs Microsoft, with Nintendo kind of relegated to “background observer” by this point. The PS2 and the original Xbox both had fiercely loyal supporters when, in fact, you’d have a far better experience if you bought both systems, played the relevant exclusives on their respective platforms and played multiplatform titles on the Xbox. That’s what I did, and I never felt the need to slag off any of the systems.

And it still goes on today, despite each of the consoles arguably offering a more distinct and unique experience from each other than ever before. The Xbox 360 offers its legendary ease of online play, the PS3 is home to a variety of unusual and interesting games (like Flower, flOw, Linger in Shadows, the Pixeljunk games) and the Wii is the family-friendly bundle of fun.

Still the hating goes on, though.

But nowhere is it more apparent than in the world of smartphones, particularly between the owners of iPhones, BlackBerries (let’s pluralise it properly, please) and Android-based phones. iPhone owners are either Apple fanboys who bang on about how great Apple is all the time or jailbreakers who bang on about which ludicrously-named hack they’re installing this week – and, of course, which apps they could get for free rather than paying for them on the App Store. BlackBerry owners seem to be updating their OS every night. And Android owners seem to be particularly sore about the iPhone for some inexplicable reason.

The question is: why? When it came to the early console wars, slagging off the systems your friends had was just schoolyard banter. You didn’t really think that the systems were inferior, otherwise you wouldn’t have gone around to their houses and played those games with them. The fact that this juvenile banter has grown up with people who have been using gaming and other consumer electronics for years is utterly baffling. Even people who started gaming at the same time as me – or before – are still bitching and moaning about how much better their handset is that [x]’s handset, and blahblahblah open source, blahblahblah build quality, blahblahblah BlackBerry Messenger, blahblahblah… You get the picture.

Am I alone in thinking that all of this stuff, without exception, is seven degrees of awesome and we should appreciate the brilliant things we have? Yes, some of them have more features. Yes, some of them are objectively “better” in terms of capabilities, power and technical specifications. But is that really any reason to act like 5-year olds telling each other that their respective Mums smell of wee?

No, it’s not. So why does it still go on?