#oneaday Day 174: Why am I still doing this?

Why am I still doing this? Or, perhaps to the point, why did I start doing this again? This article from Aftermath does a good job of explaining why.

Since the rise of social media, I feel like it’s significantly less likely for someone to have a “personal website”, because everyone is concerned about their “reach” and “engagement”, and if you want both of those things, you want to be on a well-established social media site.

But if you’re more concerned with self-expression and having a space to truly call your own, having your own website is hard to beat. And I think as people become more and more disillusioned with social media — Twitter and Facebook in particular — I think personal websites are going to become more and more important to a wider range of people.

Times have changed a bit, though. The word “blog” seems to have fallen out of wide usage, to be replaced with “newsletter”, this being a result of the assumption that people will sign up to get your posts delivered to them via email, rather than going out of their way to visit your site. However, most of the “newsletters” out there are actually just blogs: people having a space to call their own, writing whatever they feel like at any given moment.

The best blogs… sorry, newsletters… of course have a distinct focus. One of my favourites is Ed Zitron’s Where’s Your Ed At?, which is one of the few sites out there continually taking the garbage of the AI industry and other enshittified parts of the Internet to account for their making life worse for everyone.

And, of course, if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know about my own MoeGamer, which is my main video game blog. MoeGamer has now outlived all of the professional, commercial sites I have ever written for, which is a nice feeling. Sure, I don’t update it every day or indeed regularly, but there’s a ton of stuff to read on there, and I’ve made sure all of it is hopefully relevant and interesting, regardless of when you come to it. No racing to get “news” out the door; no rushing games to meet embargoes; just in-depth articles about games that, for one reason or another, I have found it worthwhile to spend some time, effort and words talking about.

This site, though, this is mostly for me. This site is my virtual replacement for the personal diaries I used to write as a teenager, only at no point have I become embarrassed enough about something I’ve written to want to throw the whole thing in the outside bin so it would never be found by anyone, except maybe the dustmen, who I hope had a good laugh about how much I fancied Nikki Rose before flinging the book into landfill. This site is my reminder of at least part of my time on this planet which, for sure, has had some hefty ups and downs over the course of the last 15-20 years or so.

Does it have many people reading it? No. But I’m not doing it for them. I’m doing it for myself — and if anyone happens to stumble across this little corner of the Internet and gets something out of something I’ve written, that’s just a happy bonus.

If you’ve never given this sort of thing a try and you find yourself frustrated at social media, I can highly recommend giving it a go. It’s dead easy to get started with a platform like WordPress or its numerous imitators; in many cases, you can get up and running for free, too.

However you choose to do it, I can assure you of one thing: having a space to truly call your own, in which you can express yourself completely freely, is something that I’ve started to find increasingly important with each passing year. It’s a good thing to have an outlet, for both the good feelings and the bad, and banging out 500-1000 words every so often just about whatever’s on your mind is a healthy habit to get into.

That’s why I’m still doing this. Not to be famous, not to make money, not to get engagement and followers. But because it’s just something I want to do, and which I find is of great benefit to my overall wellbeing. Give it a try!

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

#oneaday Day 139: Non-specific ramblings

I’ll level with you, dear reader, I don’t really know what to write about tonight, and it’s already twenty past midnight, so I decided I would just start typing and see what came out. I had been looking for inspiration in past blog posts, but ended up just reading them rather than taking any actual ideas from them. It’s times like this that I’m glad I’ve managed to keep this one site up and running for so long — even though it has had a few challenges in the last year in particular.

But anyway. Looking back at the blog posts I wrote more than 10 years ago — I was idly browsing through entries from January 2011 — I found it striking to ponder how some things have very much stayed the same (depression, anxiety, loneliness) and others have changed quite a bit.

In one post, for example, I noted a modest ambition of mine as being able to one day buy a brand-new car. To date, I have done that not once, but twice. Well, kind of. I got roped into one of those hire-purchase schemes because I am not good at talking to salespeople, and when the term on one was concluded, I was faced with either paying up several thousand more pounds to keep the car I’d already paid several thousand pounds into on a month-by-month basis, or switching to another new car and continue paying for that on a month-by-month basis.

Not having several thousand pounds to spare at the time, I chose the latter option, which resulted in me getting a worse car for more money. But at least when that one was up, I did have the money to spare to just finish purchasing it outright. Regrettably, it was due to my inheritance from my last remaining grandparent passing away — thanks, Nan D — but that same car is still sitting comfortably on my driveway and will hopefully last a good few years more yet.

Back in 2011, I don’t think I would have ever contemplated having a nearly-new piano, which I do now. Of course, 2011 was right when I was in the middle of one of the worst periods of my life, having recently separated from my first wife and started enduring what, at the time, I thought was the great indignity of having to move back in with my parents. (My mental state was not good at the time. I mean, it’s not good now, but it was really bad then. I am now, at least, genuinely and honestly grateful for that safety net I had and wouldn’t like to think of what might happened to me had my parents not saved me from a very bad situation. But enough of that for now.)

On the whole, my life in 2024 is in a much better place than it was in 2011. I have a stable job that I like in a field I’m proud to be part of, a decent income, an incredibly supportive and understanding wife whom I love very much, two wonderful cats whom I also love very much, and a game collection that would blow the mind of my teenage self. In terms of general “life situation”, I can’t complain all that much.

But I miss people. As a socially anxious and introverted person, I’m sure that’s not something the me of a decade or two back would have ever thought I’d say, but man. Loneliness fucking blows. And the longer it goes on, the harder it feels like it is to do something about it. There are people I probably could reach out to and attempt to rekindle past friendships, but what does one say in that situation, and via what medium?

I feel like I’ve had about a decade of everyone I know drifting away from me for one reason or another — or perhaps me drifting away from them, or perhaps both — and now I just don’t really know how to handle that. I would like nothing more than to return to the good old days of the “Squadron of Shame” club on 1up.com and our later website and podcast, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin recapturing those good old days — or even if it’s possible to do so.

The one positive thing I’ve found in recent months is that social network BlueSky has a pleasing “early 2010s” Twitter vibe to it right now, and that is gradually helping me to build up a sense of online confidence that has been severely knocked over the course of the last decade or so.

That’s a start, at least, as loathe as I am to rely on a social network website for interacting with people, knowing as I know now that all these services eventually go down the route of enshittification. Real-life, meanwhile, I have a lot more work to do in, as my present physical condition means that I’m afraid and/or ashamed to see anyone I used to know in person because of the amount of weight I gained over the COVID years, so that’s going to be a harder, more long-term project, but, well, I guess I have plenty of time on my hands.

Well, then, how about that. “Nothing to write about,” he says, then goes and rambles on for nearly a thousand words. I guess that’s the approach to take when I can’t think of anything, then. Just sit down and write. That’s what #oneaday has always been about. And that’s what I’ll continue to do.

#oneaday Day 112: Best(?) of the Blog

One of the things I like about having had this blog for so long — and one of the reasons I was so upset at WordPress fucking around with it the other day — is that little “Random Post” option in the menu. Click it, and it takes you to a completely random post. And there are a lot of posts here. So I thought we could go on a little journey together today.

I’ll do all the randomising, don’t worry. If you want to read the full post, just click the title.

#oneaday Day 145: Wotcher, Witcher

This is a post from 2011, when I was playing The Witcher. The first one, albeit in its “Enhanced Edition” form. This was back when you could still get physical copies of PC games; I remember buying a copy of this from Game and being excited to give it a try, then somewhat disappointed that my PC at the time wasn’t really up to the job of running it very well. I kept hold of it, though, and gave it a proper go when I upgraded my PC, and enjoyed the experience very much.

It’s kind of funny to think that back then, CD Projekt Red was a little scrappy Polish developer, and this, their magnum opus at the time, was equally scrappy to a charming degree. Sure, it was technically quite impressive — I recall comparing its visuals favourably to Xbox 360 games that were around at the time — but it also had its fair share of jank, such as heavily repeated NPC models, questionable animations and a dodgy interface.

What really shone through even back then, though, was the quality of the writing, and the fact it felt properly like a game for adults — and not just because of the collectible boobylicious “sex cards” you were awarded for bedding the various ladies of the game world. It was a game with proper consequences, not just “press A for the good answer, B for the evil answer”, and that carried through into its two successors.

Overall, my enjoyment for the series tapered off a bit after the first Witcher game; the second one felt like it was tuned too hard, and the third one’s open world aspect was, to my mind, completely needless. But I have fond memories of the series, and they started right here.

2022: Video Star

Here’s a post from 2015, in which I was having a play with the PlayStation 4’s ShareFactory app, which I suspect is mostly forgotten today. This is back when I was first experimenting with YouTube, and before I really got into making videos. I found, having experimented with both formats a bit, I enjoyed making pre-scripted videos a little more than freeform “Let’s Play”-style ones, because at the time, in the latter case, I worried about running out of things to say.

I’m still not 100% sure which style of video I actually prefer to this day, as both have their benefits. But if you’re curious, here’s a very early attempt at a pre-scripted video, created using ShareFactory on the PS4 and recorded using a distinctly shittier microphone than I have now. (If I recall, it was actually the Guitar Hero microphone!) I have better equipment and a better workflow now, but I was still quite pleased with this when I first published it.

#oneaday Day 890: Glorification

This was a 2012 progress report on my journey through Sierra’s Quest for Glory series, which I’d never played prior to this runthrough, but had always been curious about. Quest for Glory IV in particular was one I was really looking forward to, as it’s a full “talkie”, featuring the legendary John Rhys-Davies on narration duties.

I compared Quest for Glory IV to the Elder Scrolls series, using its similar “use it to improve it” skill systems as a point of comparison. I had already started falling off the Elder Scrolls bandwagon by this point, and games like Quest for Glory reminded me why; I simply preferred a much smaller, well-crafted environment with things to do rather than a vast open world with not much of actual interest in it.

Quest for Glory and The Elder Scrolls are very different series, of course — if you’ve never come across the former, I recommend exploring it; the blend of role-playing game and point-and-click adventure is still unique and fresh-feeling — but I find it a bit of a shame that one approach very much became “the norm”, particularly in the PC space, while the other languishes in gaming history. In fact, I bemoaned this very fact in this post; why haven’t there been more attempts to recreate the Quest for Glory formula?

2485: The Value of Short Experiences

Off to 2016 for this next post, and a reminder of something that I like to try and remember every so often: sometimes it’s nice to cleanse one’s gaming palate with a game you can finish in an evening or a weekend. At the time, I had just come off the horror game Outlast (which I didn’t like all that much) and the visual novel Negligee (which I liked very much) and come to the conclusion that Not All Games Need To Be A Thousand Hours Long.

This is something that today’s games industry is still struggling with. The triple-A space is still obsessed with making us all grind through epic amounts of Content rather than just providing a neat 10-hour experience that doesn’t outstay its welcome. This has only become worse with the rise of live service games — and, worse, single-player games that appear to want to be live service games.

Thankfully, short-form games do still also exist. And I recommend you spend some time with some. Because you might find that they offer a lot of value.

1473: Ruined

Back to 2014 now, and a look at EA’s desecration of Dungeon Keeper by turning it into a tap-and-wait free-to-play piece of shit for mobile phones. Back then I said “it pretty much is reasonable to brand free-to-play mobile games a universally bad thing… I can’t think of any good free-to-play mobile games offhand”. This situation has changed a bit since then, most notably in the “gacha games” space, because they actually have a bit of a game attached to them now, but I still swore off free-to-play mobile games a while back and haven’t missed them.

Dungeon Keeper was an absolute monstrosity though. It was one of those games that was posing as a strategy game, but which actually required no strategy whatsoever; only deep pockets. Crazy to think this was ten years ago now, and EA hasn’t learned a fucking thing since.

Board Gamery

This post from 2008 makes me a bit sad, because it represents an age of my life that seems to have come to an end, and not through my choice. It’s a rundown of some board games I particularly enjoyed playing, posted during the time when we were having regular (weekly-ish) board game sessions and trying out a wide variety of weird and wonderful games.

Sadly, the folks I played those games with have mostly become boring grown-ups with families since then and never want to do anything any more, so I have a cupboard full of board games that don’t get played. Which is a shame, but oh well. That is what happens as we all grow old.

Anyway, on that melancholy note, probably time to call it a night. If you’re new ’round here, feel free to hit that Random button and check out some posts from years gone by; just remember to check the date on any posts you read, though, before you get mad at me about something I said 15 years ago!

#oneaday Day 60: Not everything has to be “CONTENT”

I’ve gone on the record numerous times about how much I hate the word “content” to describe individuals’ hard creative work online, but that’s not what I want to talk about today. Instead, I want to talk about a somewhat related matter that has arisen as self-publishing your own writing, videos and all manner of other creative material online has become more and more straightforward.

And that is: not everything you enjoy has to become “content”. Not everything you do has to turn into a video or an article or a blog post or even something on social media.

I am saying this primarily to myself, because I’ve definitely felt myself veering in that direction at times. Indeed, a significant portion of my game collection consists of stuff I picked up because I thought it would be fun and/or interesting to write about at some point — though this was back when I was working an incredibly boring job pre-COVID and had both the time and mental energy to be able to post something substantial about video games nearly every day.

The trouble with thinking that “everything has to be content” (and I’m using that phrase as a shorthand, not as approval of the term) is that it gradually makes it more and more difficult to just enjoy yourself — to such a degree that it can lead to a form of analysis paralysis where you end up discarding certain experiences on the grounds that they won’t be “meaningful” enough. And by “you” in that sentence, I mean “I”.

I am proud of what I have created online: there’s this blog, which might be of interest to someone; there’s MoeGamer, which features a wealth of in-depth articles about games that don’t get much attention anywhere else; and there’s my YouTube channel, which focuses primarily on retro platforms that don’t get as much love as others.

But my brain is always going. It’s always thinking “oh, yeah, wouldn’t it be cool to make an in-depth video about Disco Elysium?” or “go for it! You absolutely can write one article for every single game on Evercade!” or “don’t start playing something else until you’ve finished what you’re playing, because you might not be able to write about it otherwise”.

These of the words of someone who is at risk of turning his hobby into work, and I have become increasingly conscious of it over the last few years. The trouble is, I am increasingly aware of how I’m growing older, and thinking about what sort of “legacy” I want to leave behind. My wife and I aren’t having children — by choice, I should probably add — but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to leave anything behind. I would love it if some of my writing and videos were useful to someone down the road, even if they only have something of a niche interest audience now.

But that doesn’t mean I should spread myself too thin and try to cover everything. That’s simply unrealistic. So I think I should probably try and impose some restrictions on myself to keep my “ambitions” under control, because otherwise I risk 1) overwhelming and burning myself out, and 2) never being able to “just enjoy” something ever again.

So for now I think what I’m going to do is I’m going to keep my YouTube channel focused near-exclusively on Atari stuff: primarily 8-bit and ST, perhaps with some 2600 stuff thrown in here and there if I can be bothered. MoeGamer I’d like to get back to doing some stuff a little more regularly with, so I think I will continue to use that as a means of posting in-depth thoughts on games I’ve actually finished in the case of narrative-heavy games, or spent enough time with to be able to comment on in the case of gameplay-centric titles. That may mean updates are sporadic, but there’s nowt wrong with that. It’s not a professional site, and I’m not in a position where I need or want to use it as a “portfolio” of sorts right now.

Evercade stuff is my day job, so any time I’m tempted to write something or make a video about Evercade stuff in my free time, I should instead channel that energy into doing something about it during working hours, particularly if I hit a period of “downtime” between major time-sensitive jobs. Of course, there are things I can’t do or say when doing things from a “professional” perspective, but honestly it doesn’t really matter too much; if I was doing Evercade stuff privately, I’d be wanting to explain why each and every game (yes, even the “bad” ones) is interesting and worth exploring rather than tearing it apart, and that’s not much different from taking a slightly more “marketing” approach. (Incidentally, if you want to see some of the stuff I’ve done professionally for Evercade, check out the official Evercade blog, and particularly the Evercade Game Spotlight, Evercade Cartridge Preview and Top 5s sections.)

Everything else? I should just enjoy it. Sit back, enjoy without guilt. Write about it or make a video if I feel like it, but don’t place undue pressure on myself to make everything into a video or an article. Sometimes a good time is just a good time and doesn’t need writing about. Sometimes a good time is something best kept to yourself. Sometimes it’s nice to try and forget that the Internet exists, and get yourself back into the ’80s mindset of just enjoying things because.

Anyway, that’s my ramble for today. I’m off to go put it into practice.

#oneaday Day 45: Happy Wordiversary

Apparently, according to my notifications anyway, today is the 16th anniversary of me signing up on WordPress.com. Indeed, looking back at my very first post it does seem that I started blogging on here on July 22, 2008.

Back in those days, I posted sporadically. I wasn’t really sure what to do with a blog at the time, I just felt like I wanted one. It actually wasn’t the first blog I’d had, either, although it’s the only one that’s survived this long.

I did, at one point, post an anonymous “Tales from the Staffroom” blog on BlogSpot that recounted my experiences as a classroom teacher, but there appears to be no trace of that left on the current Internet. There is an archive of it from as recently as 2023, but Google appears to have gone on a “Blogger purge” at some point in the last year, so the address no longer works on the current Web. This is a shame, but at least archive.org caught it before it disappeared.

At the time I started this blog, I was still working at the Apple Store as a “Creative” — that is to say, I was one of the people whose job it was to provide training sessions for Mac users on the use of creative software. Technically our job was supposed to be confined to lessons on Apple software only, but we inevitably found ourselves having to deal with customers using all manner of weird and wonderful pieces of software for their very specific needs.

This was partly our own fault — one guy on the Creative team was a Photoshop expert, so him happily covering that set the expectation with customers that we should all be able to cover Photoshop, even though several of us had specialisms in other areas — but also it just felt a bit mean to have someone just turn up, ask for help (which, nine times out of ten, was pretty simple, given that most folks who signed up for the “One to One” programme were new Mac users and often elderly) and tell them “no”.

I enjoyed that job for quite a while. I had a nice group of friends and I was good at it. The pay was… all right, considering it was a retail position, and the freebies and staff discounts were excellent. Unfortunately it ended badly when the management of the store inexplicably went into something of a decline and started being unnecessarily harsh on the folks working for them. I ended up losing my job after standing up for a colleague of mine who absolutely was unfairly dismissed, but given that both management and the folks above them closed ranks, he was never going to get fair treatment. And, as it turned out, I didn’t, either. Thankfully, I resigned before they could fire me, but it left an extremely bitter taste in my mouth with regards to all things Apple.

Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on that too much because that’s probably a whole other story I can tell another day. That was the context in which I was writing those first posts, though: I was, for a time, genuinely quite happy and satisfied with the way things were going. My life perhaps wasn’t proceeding in the direction I had initially intended — after a nervous breakdown, I decided that classroom teaching really wasn’t for me — but it was proceeding, at least. And having a blog was a nice breezy way to ponder on all sorts of things without any sort of real “pressure”. I can’t even remember if I’d joined Facebook or Twitter in 2008; I think I probably had, but social media certainly wasn’t the all-encompassing force of shittiness that it is today back then.

It’s interesting to look back and see things that no longer exist, such as PMOG, the Passively Multiplayer Online Game, where you earned experience points and other RPG-style benefits for simply browsing the Web. And it’s also gratifying to see that so far as my tastes are concerned, some things never change.

You are, of course, always welcome to browse back into the archives via the dropdown in the sidebar. (I’m not sure where it is on mobile, probably at the bottom?) I’m not the same person I was back then — but every experience I’ve had, everything I’ve written about, has helped make me who I am today, for better or worse.

#oneaday Day 30: A Milestone?

Is 30 days a milestone? I guess you can look at it that way, depending on if you consider nice round numbers a milestone. You can also look at 30 days as “about a month”, too, so I guess it’s significant from that respect. It’s a long way off the 2,541 daily posts from last time around, of course, but that all started with baby steps, too. And then it just kept going.

Now and again I like to hit the “Random Post” button on this site to jump to one of the myriad posts in the archives. I often find myself surprised how often it throws up the same things, given how many of them there are, but computerised randomisation is, as we hopefully all know by now, imperfect.

That gives me an idea for today’s post. I’ll hit Random a few times and see what I think of what shows up. Are you ready? Then let’s begin.

First up, Day 693 from first time around, and a post named Endings. In it, I contemplated the fact that I had just finished L.A. Noire, a game that I enjoyed a lot at the time but which I have forgotten almost everything about since. I pontificated on particularly effective endings that had stuck with me over the years — particularly downer endings. And Conker’s Bad Fur Day was one that stuck with me, due to it coming after all the foul-mouthed ridiculousness that had come before.

I still agree with this. Conker’s Bad Fur Day ends absolutely perfectly. It’s a huge bummer in a lot of ways, of course, what with our hero losing his true love, but it also provides something of a sense of “reality catching up with him”. The strange journey that Conker goes on over the course of Conker’s Bad Fur Day starts silly and cartoonish, but gets darker and darker as you progress through things. By the last few sequences in the game, things are still silly, but there’s a definite sobering undercurrent. The World War II-inspired sequence may have you fighting against teddy bears, but it’s still World War II, and a lot of people get hurt and die.

The ending of Conker’s Bad Fur Day is as much a signal to the player as it is to Conker. “Wake up,” it says. “The time for play is over. Now it’s time to get back to the grim reality of life.” Sobering, to be sure.

Next up, post 850 from first time around, entitled Diablolical [sic]. In it, I lay out how I’d been having a good time with the then-newly released Diablo III, and that I didn’t have as much of a problem with it being “always online” as the rest of the Internet seemed to. And that’s because I recognised that Diablo III, far more than its predecessors, was actually an MMO. A well-disguised one, yes, but still an MMO.

I actually stand by this assessment, though my opinion on Diablo III itself has soured somewhat for a variety of reasons. Firstly, after playing it a bunch, I realised that its setting and unrelenting grimness was just plain boring to me. The world of Diablo is a world in which there is no hope; one in which you defeat the Big Bad of the hour and there’s inevitably an even bigger bad lurking just around the corner. And once you’ve beaten all the Big Bads, they all come back, because that’s what Big Bads do in Diablo-land.

Secondly, it’s hard to get the various revelations about working conditions at Blizzard Entertainment out of my head. I’m not about to go on a big crusade about it or anything, but given that the Diablo series is already one I’d been feeling a bit “ehhh” about since the very beginning, knowing that some of the staff at the developer are shitheads makes it a lot easier to just go “fuck it” and never play anything from them again… particularly as all of their last few releases have some combination of loot boxes, battle passes or predatory “free-to-play” monetisation. So yeah, fuck Blizzard and fuck Diablo. Diablo III is still an MMO, though.

Next up, an earlier post: number 303, from 2010, in which I ponder the nature of Panic Stations. Specifically, through some exceedingly heavy-handed masking, I outline the things that cause me a sense of irrational anxiety, even when I know they’re not anything really worth getting het up about. 2010 was before I’d really sought any sort of help for mental health, and well before I’d been diagnosed with either anxiety or Asperger’s, but I still recognised anxious feelings in myself — and my brain’s tendency to blow things out of proportion.

This post is one I should probably return to now and again to remind myself not to get so wound up about stupid things.

Finally for today, an even earlier post from 2010: number 57, Look into the Eyes, in which I talk about the Derren Brown show my ex-wife (who was, at that point, just my wife) and I had been to see at the Mayflower theatre in Southampton. I really enjoyed that show, and both of us had a lot of time for Derren Brown. I feel like we don’t see much of him these days; I wonder what happened to him? Looking on Wikipedia, it seems he’s still active, but I guess the changing nature of how we look at media these days makes him less visible — I don’t watch “TV” any more, for example, and that tended to be where I saw him the most.

All right, that’s enough looking back for one day. My cat has just been sick and the other cat is eating it. I think that’s as good a cue as any to just go to bed.

#oneaday Day 4: Upward Slope

Been feeling mildly better today. Had a small boost in mood from this week’s Slimming World visit; although I haven’t undone all the “damage” from last week I have lost some weight, and thus I count that as a success. It is important to celebrate the small victories, as they add up; I’m still down quite a bit on what I started, even though I still have a long way to go.

Today has been a pretty uneventful day all round. Work was quiet, as it’s likely to be for a little while, and I spent a bit of time this evening playing some Steam Next Fest demos. That’s a subject for MoeGamer though, so check over there in the next few days for some thoughts.

I’ve been spending my late evenings before bed watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, which my brother kindly bought me a box set of for my birthday. I’ve never watched this right through to the end, so I’m looking forward to finally doing that. While it was tempting to try and watch all the Star Trek series chronologically, that’s a mammoth undertaking that I’m not entirely sure is desirable anyway. I do want to at least see Deep Space Nine and Voyager all the way through, though, so I’m going to tackle those one at a time.

No header image today as I’ve left the Kindle Scribe downstairs and I’m typing this from bed. The post editor in the Jetpack app is actually surprisingly good, though I still prefer typing on a proper keyboard. Good to know I can do some decent posting from mobile, though; the WordPress app used to be kind of pump.

Anyway, that’ll probably do for now. It’s quarter past midnight and I am tired. Tomorrow is another day, and there is work to be done, so to sleep I go.

#oneaday Day 1: Blogging Therapy

Good evening. If the header looks familiar, you’ve doubtless been following this blog for quite some time and will remember that time, starting in January of 2010, where I decided to participate in a loosely organised blogging project. Dubbed “One A Day” or, more commonly, “#oneaday” due to its origins on Twitter, it was a collective effort by all the participants to write something — anything — every single day for a year.

I joined the project a little late, but ended up going the distance considerably more than some of the other people who started alongside me — including the original organisers, several of whom gave up after less than a month. I eventually managed 2,541 posts, eventually calling it a day on December 31, 2016.

Sometimes I think about that project and the value it had for me. Ultimately, I don’t think I really got a great deal out of the “community” side of things — on the contrary, when I decided to step forward and encourage a group of bloggers to do a year of #oneaday in aid of charity, I got a fair chunk of abuse from the original organisers, who still felt some weird sense of “ownership” over the concept of daily blogging, despite having dropped out of the whole process very early. But what I did get out of it was a sense of… I guess “therapy” is probably the best word for it.

My starting #oneaday first time around coincided with one of the absolute worst times of my life, during which I suffered bullying at work, culminating in me being dismissed from a job I loved because I stood up for a colleague who was also being bullied; a period during which my first marriage broke down irreparably and left me alone, without an income and staring down what I saw back then as the humiliating possibility of having to return home to stay with my parents; a time when my anxiety and depression were enjoying a particular “peak” (or is that a trough?), to say the least.

One of the things that got me through that period mostly intact was making the time each evening to sit down and write something. It didn’t necessarily have to be about what had happened that day or even how I was feeling at that point; just the act of being creative was somehow comforting. It seems that the human mind is often at its most creative when it is suffering, and I was most definitely suffering around that time. And indeed on several other occasions during those 2,541 posts.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that daily blogging helped get me through that time. It’s not an exaggeration to say that daily blogging is a significant part of why I am still here to write this right now. Because believe me, things inside my head were bleak for quite some time on several separate occasions.

Today, on the 8th of June, 2024, I’m not in anywhere near as bad a situation as any of those previous instances, but my mental health most certainly has been dipping down into a bit of a trough for quite some time. So I thought it was time to kick the tyres on this here ol’ blog, which is still humming away, and make a commitment to writing something every day in the hopes that it might help, even a little.

I will hasten to add that my sudden inclination to write something on here is nothing to do with the events of today specifically, which were actually rather pleasant; some friends who I haven’t seen for some time were all finally available to come and have a day of playing video games and chatting. We haven’t done this for a long time — I’ve tried to make it an annual tradition of sorts, since our respective lives make it difficult to do anything more regularly — and it was nice. But some of the conversations we had got me thinking, and that indirectly led me back here to the “Compose” page.

So anyway. That’s what this is. I’ve rambled on for long enough for today, so perhaps we’ll talk a little bit more about my present situation and what I really hope to get out of all this another time. For now, let’s just say it’s good to be back, and I’ll see you again tomorrow.

My Twitter replacement

Photo by daniyal ghanavati on Pexels.com

Those who have been following the saga of social media for a while will know that Twitter is a right old mess right now. Between Elon Musk’s incredible ego and a series of bizarre policy changes and introductions (most of which are likely related to Musk’s ego in some form or another) it’s certainly been interesting to watch the world’s most popular social media platform (for how much longer?) go through some trials and tribulations.

But those of you who have been following me for a while will know that Twitter hasn’t been much fun for a long time now. When I first joined (which must have been around 2007 or so, maybe?) it was a great place to make new friends, enjoy good conversation and just generally have a good time. But as the years have gone on — and particularly since the significant online upheavals that can be at least partly attributed to the “Gamergate” mess of 2014 — it’s become a less and less desirable hangout, for a variety of reasons.

Chief among them for me is the combative, confrontational tone the site as a whole has taken on. While it is still possible to have civil conversations there, it feels like it’s much more likely that if you post an opinion of your own someone will come along and shout it down before long. Even if your opinion is not, in the grand scheme of things, particularly important or worth getting upset over.

Anger seems to be the default state for many posters on Twitter, and this is often expressed through some seriously unpleasant behaviour. Anyone who is into Japanese games, for example, will doubtless have seen the disgusting vitriol that gets thrown the way of localisation staff (more specifically, female localisation staff) on a fairly regular basis, regardless of whether or not any “mistakes” have been made. And the same is true in all fields; the quote-tweet dunk is a universal constant, and it does not make for a friendly environment where one wants to hang out.

But alongside all this, Twitter itself has been changing in functional, mechanical terms. The rise of “The Algorithm” on all manner of social sites — with the most notorious being YouTube, of course — has meant that no longer can you count on your social media experience being your own, if indeed it ever was. Rather than showing you the things that your friends have been posting in the order that they were posted, you now get shit you didn’t sign up for pushed into your feed as “recommendations”, based on the ill-defined assumptions that Twitter makes about “quality content”.

I never signed up to Twitter for “quality content”. I signed up to chat with folks from a forum we all used to frequent that we weren’t able to use any more due to the site’s closure. That’s all I really wanted. And that’s emphatically not what the site provides these days.

So between the change in atmosphere, the change in the way the whole site works and the whole Musk fiasco, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s simply not worth wasting time pissing around on Twitter any more — if indeed it ever was. Rather, I think it’s high time that I brought this blog back, since it’s a much better means for me to express myself — plus the comments section is a much nicer way to hold a conversation in most cases. (Unless those people find their way here, but you know how it is.)

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll be keeping my Twitter account open because it’s still useful for things like news aggregation and PR contacts, but pretty much all I’ll be posting on there is links to stuff I’ve done, either for work or for pleasure. When I want to actually talk about something, I’ll do it here, like in the good old days.

I’m not making any grand promises about posting frequency or anything like that, this is just going to be an “as and when I feel like it” sort of thing. I’m also not going to commit to doing silly comics or anything, even though I know one particular reader (whom I hope is doing well, given that I haven’t heard from her for a while) is a big fan! This is my scratch pad, my brain dump and my place to express myself. No “algorithm” rules the roost here, and as such it’s a much better means of getting to know me than the toxic bird site.

So see you around here, I hope!

Homecoming

A fine morning to you, everyone. I’ve decided to come back to this blog on an occasional basis, as writing here always used to provide good “therapy” when I really needed it — and after the last couple of years we’ve all had I don’t think anyone in the world would deny the need for some sort of outlet for all the stresses we’ve been having to deal with.

I’m not going to make any bold commitments about posting every day or anything like that — largely because my day job over at Rice Digital means that I’m writing every day anyway, so the whole “keeping in practice” thing isn’t really necessary. Instead, I’m just going to write here when I feel like it, just for the sake of expressing myself and perhaps sharing something of myself with those of you reading.

This might also be an opportunity to rekindle some friendships that kind of fell by the wayside when I moved away from posting regularly on this blog in favour of my other projects such as MoeGamer and my YouTube channel. So if you’re seeing this in your inbox or feed reader for the first time in a while, be sure to say hi — it’d be lovely to hear from some of you.

I’m not going to go straight into babbling on too much about the living nightmare that is life in 2022; we’ll save that for another day. For today, I just wanted to say hello, remind you all that I exist — and let you know that you’ll once again be seeing a bit of me around here now and again. That’ll probably do for now — but expect more soon!