#oneaday Day 894: Clip Show

Clip episodes are TV shows’ way of making a low-budget episode and not having to worry about being the slightest bit creative.

After 893 previous daily blog posts and having just been on my Couch to 5K run for the evening, I’m knackered and can’t think of much to write about, so I’m going to do my very own clip show. In the process, I will highlight some posts from the past that you may have missed. There are likely to be a lot of these, as this blog currently has 953 posts on it (893 of which are, as previously mentioned, posted at daily intervals) so you would be forgiven for having not seen some of them in the past. (If, on the other hand, you have seen each and every one of these posts because you’re good enough to read them daily, first of all, God bless you, and second of all… uh… thanks.)

I started blogging on this site back in July of 2008. I’d tried keeping a blog on a couple of other sites in the past — here’s one from 2005 (composed almost entirely on a Nokia N-Gage, believe it or not) and here’s another from the year prior on the subject of my experiences as a secondary school teacher. (The latter was a spinoff from a series of emails I used to send family and friends while I was training to be a teacher.) I did used to have a self-hosted blog on my own personal domain, too, but that is long since defunct. This ol’ WordPress site here is probably my most long-standing web presence that is still actually updated. Which is nice.

Prior to starting posting things daily… well, things were pretty much the same as they are now. I’d post on a range of topics from video game-related business to board games, the death of a beloved family pet and even trying my hand at music review blogging. (The linked post there actually led to me being specifically invited along to another band’s performance a short while later — the “review” in question is here.)

I’ve spent some time in curious virtual world Second Life over the years, and in February of 2009 I wrote a couple of posts on the subject — firstly, on the subject of virtual worlds in general, and secondly on the subject of how your on-screen persona can affect your own self-perception. You’ll doubtless notice some parallels with my recent post on why I play as women in video games. I still find Second Life fascinating, sleazy elements and all, though I haven’t paid it a visit for a very long time. Some of the people in that crazy world provided great comfort to me in lonely periods and just writing this is making me feel a bit bad that, to them, I must have just upped and vanished one day. Perhaps I’ll return sometime — though whether it’s as my male “real me” or female “total escapism” avatar I couldn’t say! I certainly used to enjoy the whole “CG artwork” aspect of it, where I’d take pictures of things in the virtual world and then mangle them beyond recognition in Photoshop. (A great way to learn how to do crazy things in Photoshop, incidentally.)

In April of 2009, I revisited a game I used to play on the Atari 8-bit: Alternate Reality: The City. When I originally played it, I had no idea what a role-playing game was or what I was supposed to be doing. In 2009, I was armed with The Internet and a map I’d printed out, so was much better-equipped to go on some adventures. This post chronicled one character’s ill-fated expedition into the cheerily-named city of Xebec’s Demise, and I like to think it gives the reader a good feel for what this unusual game is all about.

A month later, I remembered that the “pictorial story” idea I’d done with Alternate Reality was rather fun (if time-consuming), and decided to give it another shot, this time with The Sims 3. Remembering my previous post on evil in games, I figured it would be interesting to see how messed-up it was possible to make a Sim. Very, as it happens; the many and varied mundane adventures of Lars the Bastard will attest to this fact.

You may remember the spammers’ craze for sending bizarre narrative emails with unsubtly-embedded pornographic exhortations within from around September 2009. I took it upon myself to compile some of them and see if anything coherent came out. Nothing did, as you can see.

In December of 2009, I discovered Warhammer Quest. I also discovered the joy of writing down the emergent narrative which comes about during a game session of a theme-heavy board game such as Warhammer Quest. The result of this initial experiment was The Adventures of Count Kurt von Hellstrom and Company, a saga which hopefully will continue someday — though I haven’t had the chance to play Warhammer Quest since writing that post, I don’t think.

And in January of 2010, I started posting entries daily. But that’s another story. And I’ll compile a selection of my favourite One A Day posts for tomorrow’s entry. I bet you can’t wait.

#oneaday Day 893: The One Thing That Would Make Me Play a Sports Game

I’m not a fan of sports, as I believe I’ve made abundantly clear on numerous occasions. Consequently, I’m not a big fan of sports-based video games either (though I am rather more tolerant of them than televised sporting events, largely because I get to interact with them and have fun with friends — but the point stands).

It doesn’t have to be that way, though. I think there’s scope for sports games to reach out to people like me and provide an accessible experience that I could enjoy — and potentially learn to be interested in the sport itself over time. I caught a glimpse of such a concept in practice today when checking out a Facebook-based game called I AM PLAYR, a rather nifty little game that casts players in the role of an individual player on an up-and-coming (and fictional) football (soccer) team. The game focuses on the life of the player’s character both on and off the pitch, splitting the player’s time between 3D training minigames, text-based matches punctuated by interactive 3D attempts on goal by the player character and full-motion video sequences with occasional moral choices to make. While the latter may sound rather late-90s CD-ROM in nature, it added a huge amount of personality to the experience and actually made me interested to play more.

The reason I don’t find sports games very interesting, you see, is that there’s no sense of narrative or drama. Sure, there’s an argument to be made for emergent narrative in sports games just as there is in abstract strategy games, but when I’m not interested enough in the source material I’m never going to become invested enough in the game to start thinking of things in emergent narrative terms. As such, it turns out that the very thing I needed to get me interested in playing a sports game was a story.

I AM PLAYR sees the player character following a number of off-pitch narrative threads alongside the season’s fixtures. We see the behind-the-scenes drama as the team’s lead striker who claimed he was fighting fit was actually receiving injections from the team’s therapist. We see rivalry between teammates — practical jokes, drunken nights out, ill-advised encounters with vapid glory-chasing women. We see the team’s manager trying to stay positive even as the drama unfolds within his team. And amid all this, the player character makes choices that determine how different characters react to him — including his girlfriend, who is more than a little concerned that his new-found fame will see him drifting away from her.

It’s a really neat system and made me feel far more attached to my character and the team than if they were simply a collection of stats and a polygon representation on a virtual pitch. I don’t know enough about how to play football effectively to be able to play a full match and win, so I’m grateful that the actual “sport” element of the game simply focuses on set-pieces and chances on goal, and then allows me to get back to the clubhouse intrigue.

After playing the game for a while I was struck with how rarely this sort of thing is seen. I AM PLAYR has high production values — all of the video is shot with real people on location, including some actual real footballers, for example — but there’s no reason a team couldn’t do it slightly more on the cheap with CG characters and text-based dialogue if the budget wasn’t there. So why aren’t more people doing it? I’d certainly play it, and I’m willing to bet there are plenty of people out there who have a casual interest in football (but not enough to play a full simulation of it) who would join me.

It doesn’t just have to be limited to football, either. This formula would work for pretty much any sport. You could have the motorsports game where you developed rivalries in the pit lane. The baseball game where you’re trying to follow in the footsteps of a childhood hero. The tennis game where you’re struggling to come to terms with your own anger management issues. (You cannot be… etc.)

There have been examples in the past — On The Ball from Ascon for MS-DOS computers springs immediately to mind, and apparently New Star Soccer for iOS follows a similar template — but I want to see more of this kind of game. They could be the catalyst to actually get me interested in a sport and be able to participate in a conversation come international tournament time, rather than simply wanting to snap off every England “car flag” I see.

The trouble with Arsenal, you see, is they always try and walk it in.

#oneaday Day 892: In Memory of Floppy Drives

I was struggling to think of something to write about until an offhand comment on Twitter got me thinking about, of all things, floppy disk drives.

I miss floppy disk drives.

No, wait. Bear with me. Not in practical terms — I’m sure no-one misses the days when games had a whole disk just for their intro sequence, or the era when Microsoft Office came in a box roughly the size of a Borg Cube — but in terms of… of… you know what? It’s hard to describe exactly, so let me just wax nostalgic about a few things.

I used to find something oddly comforting in the sound of floppy drives whirring away doing their thing. Every floppy drive sounded different, too — the ridiculously huge 810 drive for the Atari 8-bit computers snarked and farted; the later 1050 was a little quieter (though had squeaky mechanical parts sometimes); the external floppy drives for the Atari ST made a pleasant frog-like croaking noise; the internal Atari ST drive was subtler, giving the occasional chug; and the drives in our first PCs were pretty quiet, putt-putt-putting away, usually installing something.

Their uses varied over the years, too. Up until DOS and Windows-based PCs started to take off as a serious gaming platform and required you to install everything, pretty much all software ran directly from floppies, making it necessary to have lots of those big plastic disk boxes (inevitably full of pirated software) — organised alphabetically if you wanted to remain sane. In practical terms, this meant things often took quite a long time to load, which brings us to something that is all but forgotten these days except in the most inefficiently-programmed and/or massive video games: the loading screen.

Loading screens used to be the place where the graphic artist for the game could really let rip and show off what they could do with the limited colour palette and resolution of the hardware they were working on. My most fondly-remembered loading screens were the work of Herman Serrano, a dude who could really make the Atari ST sing. (Visually. Whatever the visual equivalent of singing is. Oh, be quiet.) He did good loading screens for companies such as Argonaut and Psygnosis, and always signed his name prominently on them, which is something you don’t see these days, either. Often they were just pixel-by-pixel recreations of the box art, but sometimes there were variations, and it was fun to look carefully at them, pick out the details and spot the occasional Easter eggs. You didn’t have much choice, really, since there was nothing else you could do while it was loading.

While games still ran from floppies, loading breaks — now considered to be a thing of great evil that should be avoided at all cost — were considered something of a perk, as they generally indicated that you had done something good. This was true whether you were playing an Infocom text adventure on the Atari 8-bit or a LucasArts adventure on the Amiga. If the disk started chugging immediately after you did something, you were usually on to a winner. (Unless you were playing a Sierra game, of course, in which case it was entirely possible it was simply loading one of its many elaborate death scenes for your long-suffering character.) Some emulators of old systems even allow for the simulation of these loading breaks for the fully-authentic experience — though without the sound of a disk drive chugging away it loses something.

So yes. I miss floppy drives. I don’t begrudge the 21st century’s massive storage capacities and lightning-fast access, of course, but I do miss that comforting feel of sliding a disk into a slot with a satisfying “clunk”, turning the computer on (yes! Remember having to turn the computer off every time you wanted to run something else?) and then sitting listening to the distinctive mechanical whirrs, groans and farts of the disk drive as it loaded whatever it was you wanted to play or use.

Rest in peace, floppy drives. You’re missed!

#oneaday Day 891: Summer Nights

It’s crazy hot and humid at the minute. Thankfully, as I type this, the weather has deigned to grace us with some rain, which will hopefully eliminate some of the horrible “closeness” that has been plaguing us for about the last week.

You can’t really win with regard to weather in this country. It’s rarely “just right”. It’s often either too wet, too hot, too cold, grey and miserable or too humid.

Of course, in actual fact it likely is “just right” more than we realise because you only tend to notice the weather when it’s hitting the extremes that are irritating enough to make you question the wisdom of actually leaving your house.

I actually quite like some weather conditions that would traditionally be considered “bad”. The rain that it happening right now, for example, is lovely. There are few things nicer than being out in a rainstorm after it’s been incredibly hot and humid all day (or, in some cases, all week). It’s one of those times when I can be quite happy to just stand outside without any particular “protection” and get absolutely drenched without wanting to run to the nearest shelter as soon as possible. It’s even quite nice to run in — though on tonight’s run I did manage to get back before the heavens opened.

(As I continue to type this, the rain seems to have stopped. This is disappointing.)

Heat in general, though? I’m not a fan, as I believe I’ve said a number of times here in the past. I don’t really understand the attraction of going on holiday to some place so hot it will literally burn your face off. I still have memories of a trip to Gran Canaria with a school friend and getting so badly burned I was peeling off my skin like a lizard for a couple of weeks afterwards. (When the burns faded, however, I looked like I had changed race, which was quite satisfying, apart from the pasty-white Speedos marks I had. It was enough to make a boy not want to take his pants off, ever — not that I was doing a lot of taking my pants off in public at the age of 12.)

Rain can be a nice relaxing background noise, though. When I ballsed up my body clock completely shortly before leaving Southampton a couple of years ago (how time flies, huh?) I often found comfort by simply listening to the sounds of rain. If it was raining outside, great; if not, I had a nice app for iPhone called Ambiance that could do a fairly convincing impression along with stuff like white noise, city noise and all manner of other sounds. You could even mix sounds together to create the sounds of camping in a rainy wood, or being in a city street in a thunderstorm. Or, indeed, being in a room full of static and wind chimes.

This post has been rather disjointed. I apologise. My brain isn’t really working right now as it’s quite late and I got back from a run relatively recently but I’m not really tired enough to go to sleep. I’m thinking probably a bit of Quest for Glory before bed, then back to the grindstone tomorrow.

#oneaday Day 890: Glorification

I’m probably about halfway through Quest for Glory IV so far and I have to say, I’m a big fan of the series. Back in “olden times” our family were pretty big fans of Sierra adventures, but the Quest for Glory series was one which passed us by for some reason. While the games have aged better in some respects than others, one thing has become very clear from playing them: the combination of adventure game and RPG works. And it works very well indeed.

The reason it works so well is because the two aspects are intertwined so seamlessly with one another. Rather than being an interactive storybook with battles (as I once heard Final Fantasy VII described ) the RPG elements are woven into the adventure gameplay. Your character’s stats are for more than simply how tough they are in battle — and in fact, combat plays a relatively minor role in most of the series. Instead, standard adventure game actions in Quest for Glory often involve a behind-the-scenes “skill check”, with the on-screen character either succeeding or failing at the action in question according to his skill levels. What this means in practical terms is that there are multiple solutions to every problem according to the player’s chosen play style and character class. A wizard might get through a problem relatively simply with a flick of the wrist and the cast of a spell; a fighter might have a more direct approach; and thieves have plenty of their own nefarious plots to get up to at night. Yes, here we have a thief character who is actually a thief rather than simply a DPS.

In terms of mechanics, the closest equivalent today would probably be one of the Elder Scrolls series, though it’s not a great comparison. In both series, you gain in power simply by practicing skills; in both, there are multiple solutions to problems that are often related to skills; but where the two diverge is in the amount of character and personality they’re infused with — not to mention the fact that The Elder Scrolls’ idea of a puzzle is rarely anything more complicated than switch-flipping.

The Elder Scrolls has rich lore but I’ve never felt like I was a particularly important part of the story. I was just “that guy” who turns up and solves problems whom everyone then promptly forgets about — in Oblivion, for example, you do all the hard work but then Sean Bean gets to do all the spectacular stuff at the end. Meanwhile, in Quest for Glory you are the hero. You are the most important person in the room when you walk in, and the game’s characters quite rightly come to love and respect you as you systematically sweep through, right all their wrongs and proceed on to your next adventure.

There’s a number of contributing factors as to why this works so well in Quest for Glory yet feels so bland and uninspiring (to me, anyway) in Bethesda’s epics. The main issue is one of scale — while it’s unquestionably impressive to explore all of Skyrim, Cyrodiil, Morrowind or the other provinces seen in the earlier Elder Scrolls games, this vast scale means that you never really get to know the locales and the people therein. The vast majority of characters are templates who say the same thing to you, and most of them have no personality whatsoever, acting simply as walking quest-giving machines and information kiosks.

Contrast with each Quest for Glory game, each of which is set in a very tightly-focused locale — usually simply a single town and its surrounding environs — and it becomes abundantly clear why it has that much more personality. Because there’s not so much vast empty space to fill with NPCs, quests and random events, everything was hand-crafted rather than resorting to templates. As such, everyone you meet in Quest for Glory is an interesting character — often with hidden depths. The plot for each game manages to remain mostly non-linear, with the required steps to proceed to the climactic “endgame” scenario in each usually completable in any order, but somehow it manages to provide a far more satisfying, compelling experience than I ever got from 50 hours in Skyrim.

The comparison between these two series isn’t fair at all, of course, as I’ve already said, but it’s somewhat telling that the closest equivalent to Quest for Glory I can find in modern gaming is so vastly different from these fascinating old titles. Why did the adventure/RPG crossover never take off? It’s clearly a combination that works, and imagine what a great job we could do of it today. One could argue that games such as Dragon Age and Mass Effect from BioWare take heavy cues from the adventure game genre, particularly with regard to interpersonal interactions, but even in those indisputably excellent games it’s still pretty rare that you’ll find yourself solving problems in creative, class-specific ways. They’re still stat-based, combat-focused RPGs first and foremost (with Mass Effect becoming more of a shooter as time went on) rather than adventure games that use RPG mechanics to help colour and direct the experience.

Part of the reason we haven’t seen more of this type of game is, of course, due to the supposed “death” of the adventure game as far as the press and, presumably, publishers are concerned. But look around for a moment; the adventure game most certainly is not dead. High-profile developers such as Telltale are putting out some high-quality, well-written point and clickers. The genre is having something of a resurgence on touch-based devices such as the iPad. And some developers are even still releasing 320×200 super-pixelated traditional point-and-clickers like the recent Resonance. Why hasn’t anyone just lifted Quest for Glory’s system and applied it to a whole new adventure, perhaps in a new setting? I’d play a Quest for Glory in space, or in a 1920s noir style, or… you get the idea. The stat-based adventure game where the outcomes of your actions are determined by your skill values has a lot of scope for exploration, and I really wish we’d see more of it. Unfortunately, it seems that despite the universal adulation the Quest for Glory series receives, no-one is willing to defile its long-dead corpse and resurrect this fascinating subgenre for a modern game.

The first developer who does shall most certainly be in receipt of some of my money.

#oneaday Day 889: Rats!

We got two pet rats yesterday. We didn’t start the day intending to end it with some pets, but they were cute and we’ve been fancying having a pet for quite some time. Given that we’re renting our house (and contemplating moving at some point, too) it’s not practical to get a cat or a dog, which would have been our first choice, so something small, cute and furry that doesn’t go very far was ideal, really.

I’ve never owned my own pet before. Sure, my parents had cats for most of the time that I was living at home, so I was used to having an animal around as a child and very much loved both Penny and Kitty. But since leaving home (on both occasions) I’ve never had a pet that is “mine” (or “ours” in this case). It’s a slightly daunting prospect, if I’m honest, because getting a pet is essentially saying that you’re confident enough that you can take care of some form of small furry creature well enough that it not only doesn’t die immediately but also (hopefully) comes to love and appreciate you.

Our two rats haven’t quite got to that stage yet as they’re both very nervy and scared still, but they’re getting there. One thing that has struck me about them is how clearly-defined their personalities are. Never having owned a creature of the “small and fluffy” variety before, I never really thought about them having particular personalities. I know from experience that dogs and cats have their own distinct character traits, but I’d never really considered rats as being the same. It does, of course, make sense — every creature, whatever species it is, is different and will react to situations in different ways regardless of primal instincts. At the most complex end of the spectrum, we have humans with their various neuroses, phobias, passions and addictions. And at the other end, we have our two rats, whom it’s impossible not to assign very “human” characteristics to.

One of our rats (who has since been dubbed “Willow”) is very shy. When we first got them she sat completely motionless for a very long time just staring at us. She’s moving around a bit more now but is still startled by loud noises and doesn’t like to be watched while she eats, drinks or indeed does anything. She’s already grown in confidence, though, so she’ll be fine in no time, I’m sure.

The other rat (since dubbed “Lara”) is the complete opposite. She likes to explore. She was the first to come out of the box and wander around the cage. She was the first to find the food and the water. She was the first to start climbing around the bars on the side of the cage — and she’s really rather good at climbing, too. She seems to be the smarter of the pair, as she figured out very quickly how to get into the “hammock” they have hanging from the top of the cage, and spent a very comfortable-looking few hours in there earlier today. Willow, meanwhile, came close to figuring it out but didn’t manage to get in there, and tended to bolt if we actually picked her up and put her in there.

I’m looking forward to the two of them coming out of their shell a bit more — they’re both very young and very nervous at the moment, but I have several friends who keep rats and say they’re great pets that are very friendly. It will be interesting to see these little balls of fluff grow and change over time, both physically and in terms of personality, no doubt. For the moment, they’re very cute and fun to watch; as time goes by, I’m sure they’ll become wonderful companions and parts of the “family” (for want of a better word).

#oneaday Day 888: Avatars, Masculinity, Femininity, Wish-Fulfilment, Self-Expression and Fantasy

My fine friend Jenn Frank (for my money, one of the most interesting people on the Internet, given the many and varied conversations we’ve had over the years) reminded me of a discussion we had back in 2009. You can find it in the comments here.

Basically, the discussion centred around “avatars” — custom characters that you design to represent yourself online or in a video game. I raised the point that, generally speaking, if given the option, I would go for a female character. There then followed a discussion about the reasons for this.

I’m trying to pin down the reasons for this in my own head and there are lots of them. It’s not a simple thing. I can’t discuss any of this from a feminist perspective as I’m not well-read enough in feminist theory, nor indeed do I know enough about gender studies and whatnot to draw any firm conclusions. I do, therefore, apologise to those more “in the know” than me if any of this post comes across as ill-informed — but I’m not trying to write an academic paper, here. What I am trying to do is “think out loud” and explain myself a little. Then doubtless someone will come along and make some incisive interpretations of my words. (That or call me something uncomplimentary. Or both.)

Let’s start with a little context. I am a man. I identify myself as male and have all the appropriate dangly bits to back up this assertion. (Actually, I feel weird when I hear parents talk to their kids and refer to me as “that man” but that’s a whole other issue to do with how mature I do/don’t feel.)

Despite my self-identification as male, I don’t do many things that I (personally, I mean) would equate with the amorphous and stereotypical concepts of “masculinity” or “maleness”. I don’t like sports (I particularly loathe the soccerball), I have only a passing interest in cars, I prefer to avoid conflict (and particularly the threat of physical violence) whenever possible, I am not very assertive and I have never been sexually aggressive. On the flip side, I like “geeky” things, I certainly wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to drive a fast “small penis compensation” vehicle such as a Ferrari and I find “traditionally beautiful” women sexually appealing. Naturally, there is nothing to stop women from liking any of those things I’ve just described (and indeed I know plenty of women who do), but let’s, for the sake of argument, call them stereotypically “masculine” or “male” things.

Conversely, I do do many things that I (again, using my own personal definitions, stereotypes and prejudices rather than more fair and balanced definitions thereof) would regard as “feminine” or “female”. I am emotional and sensitive (though I find expressing some emotions such as excitement to be difficult), I like to talk about feelings and innermost thoughts with people I trust, I enjoy My Little Pony, I respond strongly to works of art (particularly music, film and games) designed to elicit an emotional reaction and, as a child, I always preferred solitary imaginative “narrative-style” play rather than group physical activities.

Somewhere between those two extremes, too, is the fact that I am extremely introspective — to a fault, sometimes — and find myself relentlessly examining myself (not physically, except, you know, every so often to make sure I don’t have bollock cancer), attempting to predict the future of social interactions or going over past interactions in my head. I’m not sure if that’s a stereotypically male or female thing to do, so I’ll call that a neutral influence for now.

On the whole, though, I think the more “feminine” influences in terms of the way I do things and respond to things tend to win out. As a result, despite being comfortable, secure and happy in the fact that I am male (there are things about myself I am not happy about, of course, though those have nothing to do with gender) I find myself somewhat drawn to the female perspective on things. Not exclusively, obviously, but that influence is most certainly there.

Now let’s look a little about avatars and what they mean.

An avatar is how you choose to represent yourself. It might be in public if you’re playing an online game or using a social network, or you might be the only person seeing it if you’re playing a single-player role-playing game such as, say, Dragon Age.

There are several ways you can approach the creation of an avatar, and I find myself doing them all at different times.

Firstly, there’s self-expression. Your avatar is used as a means of expressing something about yourself. It could be simply depicting yourself as literally as possible, or it could be using an image to demonstrate how much you like something.

Secondly, there’s wish-fulfilment — using your avatar to change your self-representation or idealise yourself.

Thirdly, there’s pure fantasy — going completely off-piste and into the depths of your own imagination.

For self-expression, I can think of a number of examples. I use my real picture in a few places, though as someone who is not overly confident in their own appearance I generally try and avoid this whenever possible. Instead, very often I’ll use images of things I like to represent myself as — the most frequent ones to appear in the last few years being Phoenix Wright from the Ace Attorney series and Fluttershy from My Little Pony. I use Phoenix Wright simply because I think he’s a great character and love the series he’s from; I use Fluttershy as a projection of my own real-life social anxiety.

For wish-fulfilment, the best example I can think of is back when I used to spend a fair amount of time in online virtual world Second Life. My avatar there was like me, but not quite. He had a skin that looked like me, but his body shape wasn’t as fat. He had hair that I could plausibly pull off, but would never have the guts to ask a hairdresser for. Personality-wise (for it is impossible to play Second Life and not find yourself playing a role to at least a small degree) he was like me — open and honest, a bit shy in new situations — but more confident in who he was than the “real” me. In short, he was my own idealised view of myself — the person I wanted to be. I learned a few things from him, though not enough to overcome my considerable arsenal of neuroses. I was happy inhabiting his skin, because he was me, with a few tweaks here and there.

For fantasy, I turn to everything else. The first time I played a female character in a video game was the original Baldur’s Gate. At the time, I didn’t have any sort of ulterior motive in mind, I just thought it would be an interesting change from the usual musclebound male hero. Of course, in Baldur’s Gate, your choice of avatar is largely confined to the portrait you use, the colours you have on your armour and the voice set you use, but nevertheless, this is where it started.

Thus “Amarysse” was born, and this remains the name I have used for pretty much all my female protagonist characters in every RPG I have played since. (If she has a surname, it’s always “Jerhynsson”, because “Jerhyn” was the name of the only minor character from Diablo II I could remember. There is literally no logic more complicated than that at work, though I’m not sure why I chose Diablo II as source material.)

Amarysse doesn’t have a specific personality as it depends entirely upon how the protagonist character in these RPGs has been written, but, depending on the customisation options I have access to, she usually has long red hair, a curvy (though not fat) figure, a lot of charisma (in BioWare titles, this means taking as many points in Persuasion as possible… always) and a seductive voice. She is several things to me: firstly, and most shallowly, she’s my fantasy woman in every respect; secondly, she is all the things that I am not. She is female, attractive (according to self-perception — I have a distorted and negative view of my own aesthetic value meaning I consider myself unattractive even though I know there are people who disagree), confident, assertive, dominant, in control, flirtatious and often sexually aggressive should the game provide the option to act in such a manner. She kicks ass, takes names and isn’t afraid to say exactly what she wants, in short. I admire her a great deal, both from a shallow, libido-led red-blooded heterosexual male perspective, and from the angle that I wish I “was her”.

I’ve taken this somewhat further on a couple of occasions in Second Life (though not for a good couple of years now) by creating a female avatar alongside my “regular” male one. (She’s not called Amarysse Jerhynsson there, though, so don’t go looking for her.) This female avatar began as an experiment. Second Life is about doing whatever you want, after all, so I decided I wanted to see what life was like as a woman. I wasn’t going to be a man playing a woman; so far as everyone who met my female avatar was concerned, I was all woman. No-one ever called my supposedly female gender into question once, despite the fact that I said prominently in my profile that I would not talk about my “first life” (a Second Life term to describe “reality”) at all — which, in the strange world of Second Life, usually means that people have something to hide. I even made a few friends (all female — or at least represented as such) in the process, though eventually I felt bad about deceiving them and disappeared quietly.

My conclusions from playing this female avatar were interesting. Like Amarysse’s many forms, this avatar was pure fantasy. But since there was no prescripted “narrative” to follow, I had to choose how I was going to represent her. This attractive, curvy redhead didn’t look like the sort of person to be a shy, retiring wallflower (especially not in the clothes she tended to wear in the locales she frequented) so it made no sense to overlay my real-life (or wish-fulfilment) personality over the top of her. Instead, I decided that here was a woman who was confident in herself and assertive enough to walk into the middle of a room and simply start talking to someone she liked the look (or profile) of. Sometimes she was ignored, sometimes she got into a good conversation, sometimes things took an altogether different turn which we shan’t get into here. The important thing is that it felt different to be her. I wasn’t me, suffering from crippling social anxiety when faced with the prospect of talking to strangers. I was this strong, confident woman. When ignored or rejected, it didn’t hurt, because that wasn’t what she would feel — even if it was what I would feel. She was not only my fantasy woman, but she was also my own fantasy personality — perhaps the person I wished I could be, or simply a person I knew that was very different to who I was. I’m not sure.

Anyway. There is a point to all this, at least I think there is: the reason I like to play female characters. I’ve already said it, actually, but I’ll repeat it for good measure. There are two reasons, in fact: firstly, it’s a simple, shallow expression of my own fantasy woman; secondly, it allows me to truly be someone that I am not in almost every way possible. I habitually use games as my primary form of recreation and a means of escapism, so I find a good way of escaping everyday life and the things I don’t like about myself is to play someone that is so completely different from me. I don’t feel any “dissonance”, though; it simply becomes an alternate persona.

Perhaps the character traits of my fantasy female characters lie dormant within me after all, and all I need to do to feel better about myself is figure out how to coerce them to the surface. I did, after all, say at the beginning of all this that I identify more strongly with the stereotypically “feminine” aspects of my personality than the “masculine” ones (and, as I’ve said, I use those terms loosely as gender definitions are somewhat fluid in this more enlightened world we live in today) so perhaps there’s something to this.

Working all that out, however, is probably something best left to someone with a qualification in psychology!

#oneaday Day 887: Things I Don’t Understand

Herein follows an updated (though not comprehensive) list of Things I Really Don’t Get, in no particular order.

Football. (Soccer for the Americans.) Those who have known me for a long time will be well-familiar with my aversion to the supposed “beautiful game” by now, and its popularity continues to elude me even as I’m supposed to be feeling patriotic and English while Euro 2012 is going on. I just couldn’t give a toss, though. Related: I also don’t understand why those who like football complain about ITV’s coverage of it and then don’t protest about it in a form any stronger than passive-aggressive tweets. Don’t watch it if it bothers you that much. Crashing viewing figures would get their attention. (One response I received to this tonight was that they had “no choice” but to watch. This attitude is unfathomable to me when the vehement, often expletive-ridden criticisms of ITV’s coverage is taken into account.)
Carly Rae Jepsen. Who the fuck is this person and why is their song Call Me Maybe so inexplicably popular at present? I listened to it out of curiosity on Spotify the other day and discovered a bland, predictable if marginally catchy pop song — certainly nothing remarkable to elevate it above similar offerings from other cheeseballs artists such as Ke$ha et al.
Rage of Bahamut. Discussed in greater detail here.
People who park in the pick-up area at supermarkets. Is your time so valuable to you that you need to park in an area that isn’t a parking space, Mr BMW driver? (Because it inevitably is a male driver, usually in an expensive German car) There are free spaces over there. I’m sure it won’t hurt you to get out and walk for an additional five seconds.
People who comment on brand pages on Facebook. Discussed somewhat here. It seems that for some people, the “like” and “comment” buttons have some sort of irresistible magnetic force that makes these people unable to leave an inane post by a brand alone before they’ve posted “lol” or some equally asinine comment. I follow J-List on Facebook because (1) I like the pictures (2) I find the posts about Japan interesting
Radio 1 giving an on-air guided tour of a festival ground when nothing was happening there. Radio 1 had/are having (I don’t care enough to check) some sort of festival, and the other day they devoted a good ten minutes or so to someone walking around the (unoccupied) festival grounds explaining where everything was going to be. The impact was somewhat lost by radio’s inherent lack of pictures.
Jedward. Come on. Are we not over this supposed “joke” yet?
Beauty products. Women must all be fucking scientists to understand all that crap they sell in Boots. I certainly wouldn’t know when to buy a “serum” and when to buy “body butter”.
The enduring popularity of shit TV. I don’t think Take Me Out is on at the moment, but the sheer number of otherwise normal-ish people I follow on Twitter who voluntarily subjected themselves to this televisual carcrash is astonishing. Most claim they only did so in order to bitch about it on Twitter, but I can think of far less infuriating ways to spend an evening.
Instapaper, Read It Later et al. I’ve never used one of these services so I don’t really understand what they do and can’t really fathom out how they work from their descriptions. I’m something of a traditionalist in the way I read stuff on the Internet — I go to the site, I read it. If I don’t have Internet access at the time, I don’t read it. If you’re lucky I’ll subscribe to your blog by email but that’s about it – I don’t use Google Reader or anything either.
How you can play the same (non-MMORPG) multiplayer game for over 100 hours and not get bored. I got bored of the one time I tried Call of Duty multiplayer after about two or three hours tops. I got sort of into it for a little while but then realised that I wasn’t really having as much fun as I thought I should be having and that I didn’t feel like I was getting any better, either, so I stopped. The prospect of playing a multiplayer shooter enough to contemplate voluntarily paying a subscription fee for it is unfathomable to me.
How Microsoft Word still doesn’t work properly yet. Word first came out in 1983, yet here in 2012 I am still getting frustrated by the fact it occasionally and unpredictably changes fonts for no apparent reason, decides to format my entire document in bullet points when I tell it to undo my last action and is just generally a big buggy mess. Surely it can’t be that hard to get right? It’s not as if I’m even doing anything advanced; this is basic text editing that still encounters these glaring flaws on a regular (but unpredictable) basis.
How it’s possible to have a “collector’s edition” of a game that is only available via digital download. Special edition, fine. Premium edition, fine. But “collector’s edition”? No.
Why all car parks don’t take cards. I never have any cash on me because I rarely need it, so I can imagine there are plenty of other people who live their lives in a similar fashion. Payment cards are so ubiquitous now; why can’t you pay for your parking with a credit or debit card in 95% of British car parks? (I made that statistic up. But it’s certainly a lot of them.)
Fruit tea. It smells so good; it tastes so much like dirty bath water. Why must Nature be so cruel?

I think that’ll do for now. Feel free to share your own Things You Don’t Understand in the comments.

#oneaday Day 886: King’s Space Police Quest for Glory Suit Larry

I’ve been playing through the Quest for Glory series recently for the Squadron of Shame’s upcoming podcast. I’d never played them before, and it turns out they’re rather good — particularly once you get on to number 4 and you get John Rhys-Davies on narration duty. I shall refrain from further discussion of that particular series for now, however, as that would get into spoiler territory.

I do want to talk about Sierra in general, however. Sierra, if you’re unaware/a young whippersnapper, was the developer and publisher of these games, and was notorious for being one of the “big two” names in adventure games in the ’80s and ’90s. The other was, of course, LucasArts.

Sierra and LucasArts took wildly differing approaches to what was ostensibly the same genre — the point and click adventure. While LucasArts embraced movie-style presentation and player-friendly interface features such as an intelligent cursor (i.e. one that automatically highlighted interactable objects for the player), Sierra games were punishing. LucasArts made a point in their game manuals to say that they wouldn’t kill off the player character unnecessarily, and indeed in most of their games it was impossible to die or even fuck things up beyond all recognition. The exception to this was the Indiana Jones series, in which Indie found himself in danger and could indeed die — but generally only if the player really messed up.

Sierra games, meanwhile, at least in the early days would kill players if they took a wrong step on a mountain path. Or if they said the wrong thing to another character. Or if they got caught by a wandering monster. Or… you get the idea. They were hard, and not necessarily fair about it either. But the constant sense of peril that you felt a Sierra protagonist was in (at least until later games such as King’s Quest VII and Gabriel Knight, anyway) provided a very distinctive flavour.

This isn’t the only way in which Sierra adventures were unique. They’re some of the earliest “auteur” games I can think of, where a selling point of each game was who it was written by. Each of Sierra’s stable of game designers had their own specialisms — Roberta Williams handled the fairytale King’s Quest series, Lori and Corey Cole handled the adventure/RPG hybrid Quest for Glory series, Mark Crowe and Scott Murphy worked on Space Quest, Al Lowe was in charge of the smutty Leisure Suit Larry series, and Jane Jensen worked on a variety of titles including the seminal Gabriel Knight. Each had their own distinctive “voice” and “style” that was all over their respective work, despite the things all the games had in common.

Different people were drawn to different series for different reasons — King’s Quest provided a Disneyesque take on popular fantasy and fairytale tropes, for example, while Space Quest was a self-consciously silly sidelong glance at the world of sci-fi. Despite the early titles all being very clear parodies or homages to existing work, each series evolved over time to develop its own unique flavour — and, curiously, pretty much all of them managed to self-destruct with disastrously awful final instalments, the most notorious being King’s Quest VIII‘s inexplicable shift into becoming a Zeldaesque action RPG rather than the gentle, light-hearted and family-friendly adventure it had been before.

Despite the fact that each series managed to commit seppuku in its own distinctive way, that doesn’t make the earlier titles in the series any less worth checking out. Sure, many of the early entries have graphics that weren’t exactly bleeding-edge even at the time of their original release, but their gameplay is solid, and their stories are the sort of thing I’d describe as being part of a gaming “canon” if such a thing existed. (It doesn’t, making that whole statement pretty much redundant. But they’re certainly fondly remembered by pretty much everyone who played them — even with the frequent and frustrating deaths taken into account.)

They’re a reminder of a simple time when there weren’t quite so many new games being released each month, and “a new game from Roberta Williams” was an exciting prospect. That excitement is still present in gaming to a certain extent today — many people are keen to see what auteurs like Jane Jensen (who’s still steadfastly producing adventure games), Nintendo’s Shigeru Miyamoto, Hideo “Metal Gear Solid” Kojima, Swery65 (Deadly Premonition) and Suda51 (No More Heroes, Lollipop Chainsaw, Shadows of the Damned) are up to today. The difference is that these “auteur games” are regarded as niche interests or cult hits today rather than big releases.

If you’ve never tried any of Sierra’s games, head over to GOG.com and check ’em out now.

#oneaday Day 885: Foul-Smelling Vagina

There, that got your attention, didn’t it? Mention a stinky faff in your headline and everyone suddenly takes note. I’ll remember that for the future.

Anyway, I do actually sort of want to talk about fragrant fannies today, but not in quite the way you might be expecting. I am instead referring to the social media backlash which “intimate hygiene” product line Femfresh encountered today on its Facebook page.

There were a number of reasons that Femfresh drew the ire of the Internet community today, but one of the most common complaints was its cover photo. Here it is:

Apparently, it seems a lot of ladies find the company’s seeming inability to use “adult” words for their respective minges somewhat patronising — and before I go any further, I will point out that my use of various offensive euphemisms throughout this post is purely for facetious comedy value (and variety) rather than any ulterior motive — and thus took umbrage with Femfresh’s page as soon as they saw the top of it. (Quite what they were doing on it in the first place is their business and their business alone.)

Not only that, but it seems that on the whole (shush!) women are, in fact, rather well-educated about what is and isn’t appropriate to smear over or stick up their flange. “Bacterial vaginosis” is the result of using the wrong things, it seems, and no, I haven’t Googled that because I don’t want to. Don’t let me stop you from doing so, however, if you’re curious. Just don’t come crying to me if Google Images decides to serve you up some tasty treats.

Anyway. Here are a few choice comments from the public:

“I call it a vagina because I’m not 12 years old and because I love it I’ll go nowhere near this vile ‘care range. Cheers.”
— Holly Rae Smith.

“Are you kidding me? Trivialising something innately precious by calling it something so thoroughly ridiculous offends me and, believe it or not, all the posters on this page. Did you not perform any market research on this area and then develop a communication and marketing strategy? It appears not otherwise you wouldn’t have received such an insane backlash on your attempts to flog a thoroughly unnecessary and damaging product…”
— Helen T

“Just to clarify, is Femfresh for vaginas or vulvas? Because your ad says vagina, which implies your product is a douche, in which case you’re advertising a harmful product. If it’s for vulvas only, change the words you’re using to make it clear.”
— Kirsten Hey

I shan’t talk any more about the science of quim because I’m not a gynaecologist (I can, however, spell gynaecologist without using spellcheck) but I will focus on the larger issue here, which is that social media advertising campaigns can and will go very, very wrong if they’re not thought out effectively. Instead of simply advertising their (apparently controversial) product, Femfresh made the mistake of attempting to engage with their “fans” when there was really no need to. By actively encouraging people to comment on their posts (and by posting vapid, patronising nonsense) they essentially brought about their own downfall. Everyone has been talking about Femfresh today, and they haven’t come off too well. “All publicity is good publicity” doesn’t really apply when the vast majority of those “publicising” your product are pointing out proven health risks.

The broader issue here is that social advertising should not be “essential” as so many advertisers seem to believe it to be. On Facebook, you can “Like” everything from HP sauce to a favourite video game. Doing so used to simply be a means of self-expression — quite literally, demonstrating that you liked something. Now, publicly “Liking” something is inviting the brand in question to bombard you with crap, ask you asinine questions at all hours of the day in an attempt to “build a community” around things that really don’t need a community built around them. If people honestly think that their lives are going to be enriched when they click “Like” on the page of a thing that they’re quite fond of, they are sorely mistaken.

Those who have “Liked” (or at least come across) Femfresh have taken a stand against this sort of pointless nonsense that is infesting social media like, well, bacterial vaginosis. In this case, it’s because the advertising was both patronising and inaccurate. For less contentious products, it’s going to be harder to train people to not be corporate shills — the last post on Pepsi’s Facebook page has 1,094 “likes” and 74 comments, for example, none of which say anything remotely meaningful — but it seems we’re starting to see a backlash of people who are no longer willing to be an unpaid part of a product’s promotional team. I’ve certainly started “unliking” pages on Facebook that post nothing but pointless questions or fill-in-the-blank exercises rather than useful information (although seriously, what “useful information” could the official social media presence of HP Sauce ever really give you?) and I’d encourage others to do so too. This form of social advertising adds nothing of worth to society and, as Femfresh have seen today, can be completely counter-productive for the brand in question. (I guess there’s an argument for the fact that today’s debacle may have educated some women about bacterial vaginosis, but still.)

I’ll leave you with this: