2053: Back to Work

I had my first “proper” day at a new (part-time, seasonal, temporary) retail job today. While I’ve been earning a bit of money through some freelance work recently, it hasn’t really been “stable” enough to provide predictable income, so I had been looking around for other opportunities for a while. One such opportunity presented itself, and while it wasn’t what I’d maybe call my ideal job — minimum wage, part-time, seasonal, temporary — it is at least both relevant to my skills and interests.

I’ve worked retail before and was surprised at both how much I actually quite enjoyed it and the fact I seemingly had a reasonably natural “talent” for it. While I talk a lot about my social anxiety and shyness, this largely relates to being stuck in a “small talk” situation with someone else; when I’m given something clear and structured to talk to people about — such as selling them something — I generally have no problems with communicating, and I like to think I come across as personable and friendly. So far my experiences with returning to the retail environment after a few years away have backed that up.

Among other things, it’s quite nice to have a reason to get out of the house for a few hours. Working from home, as I’ve mentioned before, sounds like a dream come true, but in reality it’s a fairly miserable and lonely existence a lot of the time, particularly if you find yourself going through something of a dry spell with assignments. Sure, you can talk to people on the Internet, but it’s not quite the same as being surrounded by actual real living and breathing people you can look in the eye and hear the voices of. Despite everything I may have indicated to the contrary here on these very pages, I do actually quite like having company sometimes, particularly if they’re people I get along with and enjoy spending time with. And while it’s much too early to determine whether or not I’ll truly consider the people I’m working alongside to be “friends” — to be honest, after a few previous negative experiences with what I thought were workplace “friendships”, I’m very much inclined to keep everyone somewhat at arm’s length rather than getting too chummy — I certainly haven’t found myself walking out of the door thinking “what a tosser” about anyone, which is a pleasant position to be in.

When I was younger, I always wondered if I’d “make something” of myself and have an exciting, high-powered job with lots of responsibility or whatever. To be honest, as I get older I’m just content with something I can get on with and not be bothered too much. I’m not going to rule out the possibility of developing a career from this position if the opportunity presents itself once the “seasonal” season is over, but for now I’m just happy to have a bit of semi-predictable money rolling in alongside the more erratic income from freelancing.

I would like to find myself in a position where I can just get on with life without having to wonder if I’m doing enough to “get by”. For a while last year — and on a number of previous occasions — I thought I’d found that, but unfortunately that wasn’t to be. I have low expectations this time around; hopefully that means I won’t be disappointed, regardless of whatever ends up happening in the long term. In the short term, meanwhile, this will at least help me to survive, which is, to be honest, all I’m really concerned with for the moment.

1769: Knackered

To be perfectly frank with you, dear reader, I’m not at all sure what I should write about today, so I’ve come to the oft-reached conclusion that I should just start typing and see what spews forth from my brain onto the page, like a violent eruption of creative vomit into the toilet of online publication.

I’m tired. I may have had Monday off from work thanks to our holiday, but it’s still been a long week. It hasn’t been the best week either, frankly, not because of any real specific happenings, but just from a mental health perspective. I don’t know whether it’s a sort of “comedown” from the nice time we had away or if it’s something a bit more deep-seated, but I’ve been feeling thoroughly miserable this week for a variety of reasons, which has probably been pretty clear from at least a couple of my recent posts.

Still, no matter, I guess, because the weekend is here, and that’s time to rest, relax, recharge and… something else beginning with R. (No, not that. Honestly.) Andie is away for most of tomorrow for a friend’s birthday party celebration drinks type thing, so I’m taking the rare opportunity to go spend some time with one of my local friends (and regular board gaming buddies) at the weekend. We’re going to play some Wii U and possibly some board games, and he’s going to experiment with cooking things that sound far too ambitious but which will hopefully be tasty if they come out all right.

We shall see, I guess.

The onset of winter isn’t helping with the whole “feeling a bit low” thing. It’s got to that point in the year where it’s dark when I leave the house in the morning, and by the time I get out of work it’s dark, too, making me feel like I live in perpetual night-time. (The fact my office doesn’t have a whole lot of natural light going on doesn’t help, either, and hours of fluorescent lights and computer screens every day isn’t particularly restful on the eyes. It’s no surprise that I feel like I need some new glasses, but after the opticians I went to last got my prescription wrong not once but twice I’ve been hesitant to waste more time on eye tests and getting glasses made.)

It’s cold, too. Not cold enough for snow and ice, thankfully — there’s only been one morning so far where I’ve had to chip frost off my car, though naturally this occurred before I’d actually remembered to purchase an ice-scraper — but still uncomfortably chilly. We have at least figured out both how to turn on the gas fire in our living room (which I’m still convinced works through black magic, since the stuff in it looks like it’s burning but actually isn’t) and how to turn on the heating in the rest of our house using the old-ass combination of dodgy thermostat and rattly electric timer. We thought for a while that the heating wasn’t working, but — my Grandad would be proud of me — a bit of wiggling the valve thing in the airing cupboard seemed to make it start working again without too much difficulty. That saved an expensive call to a heating engineer, anyway.

So that’s been my day and my week, then. Quite looking forward to tomorrow, it should be fun to get out of the house and do some stuff for a while. As of right now, though, I feel very much like curling up in bed with my Vita is the right thing to do, so I think that’s what I’m going to go and do.

1680: Prologue

It’s strange to think that I’ll be “going to work” tomorrow like a normal person. It’s been around four years now that I’ve been working from home — longer still if you count the brief, dark period in which I did supply teaching, a period I am keen to never, ever return to ever again — and thus the prospect of having to get up and actually go out to work every morning fills me with mixed emotions.

I’m not relishing the prospect of actually having to get up at a sensible time (likely 7am), of course, but it will probably be good for me in the long run to get into some better habits. For the last few months in particular, it’s been all too easy to lie in bed until the middle of the day, largely because I haven’t had a whole lot to actually get up for, and that, in itself, is somewhat depressing. Now that I have something to actually do every day — something that requires me to get out of the house and interact with other people — I’m hoping I can get my daily routine back into something at least vaguely resembling normality, because things have been messed up on that front for a good while now — though not, at least, as bad as it was shortly after my ex-wife left (I can actually say “ex-wife” now, which is kind of nice in a horrible sort of way) and I was staying up until 5am, then waking up at 5 in the afternoon.

This aspect of getting out, doing stuff and meeting people is appealing, though. There’s every possibility the people I will be working with are a bunch of jerks, of course, but I doubt that will actually happen — largely because I’ve already met several of them throughout the interview process, and they all seemed to be thoroughly nice people. I won’t deny it will probably be an adjustment for me — being in an environment where people are actually doing things together and talking to one another is a stark contrast to sitting on your own at home, not saying anything out loud literally all day in some cases — but, again, it will be a positive one.

Mostly, though, I’m just happy at the sensation of forward movement after feeling like I’ve been somewhat stagnating for the last four years. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been grateful for the opportunities I’ve had from GamePro, Inside Network and USgamer and feel I’ve gained some valuable experience as a result. I will not, however, miss the feeling of instability: the knowledge that one day, you might wake up and your job just isn’t there any more; likewise, I will not miss the perpetual air of aggression and drama that surrounds my former occupation these days.

And, most importantly, I will not miss the feeling that there’s “nowhere to go” — no way to progress; no way to move upwards because all the slots “above” me are already taken, and once people find a comfortable position, they tend to stay in it for a good long while. I don’t begrudge those people those positions, of course, but it does tend to lead to a somewhat stagnant industry with a limited number of voices. It’s for this reason that I’m particularly sad about my departure from USgamer; I was just starting to make a name for myself as a specialist in Japanese games, and lots of people were appreciating that fact. Still, I plan on keeping that up on the side thanks to MoeGamer — we’ll have to see how practical it is to keep that up and running and updated while I’m working a full-time job. I’m sure it can be done — it’ll be a hobby now, rather than an obligation, and that means I can enjoy being passionate about it rather than churning out clickbait bullshit. (I’m spending a whole week talking about Tales of Xillia 2 at the time of writing; professional games sites can’t enjoy the luxury of doing that, least of all for a game like Xillia 2.)

Anyway. I should probably stop waffling on because it’s starting to get late, and I need a shower and some beauty sleep, in that order. Think of me starting my new job tomorrow — feels kind of like the first day at a new school at this point — and here’s hoping I’ll have positive things to say when I return in the afternoon.

1648: Visiting Hours

Tomorrow, our friends Mark and Lynette — founding members of the Squadron of Shame — are paying us a visit from Canada. They’re not coming over just to see us (unlike the time we went to visit them a while back), but they are spending a few days with us. It has been a good excuse to get the last few bits of decorating done (except the dining room, which still needs repainting, but is fine for now) and to get the spare room into a state where people can actually, you know, stay in it.

It’s a pleasant novelty, having a house that can actually host guests without having to resort to couch cushions on the living room floor or sofa beds. It means we can do things like host international guests for a few days rather than — at best — allowing people to crash if they can’t quite make it home after a big night, and that’s kind of cool.

As for what we’ll be up to, I predict a mix of suitably nerdy things (video games, board games and quite possibly a one-shot roleplaying adventure) on the agenda, plus on Monday we’re going for a day out in Oxford for what sounds like an interesting experience — a couple of “escape the room” games, the concept of which several of us are very much into thanks to our enjoyment of the Zero Escape video games Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors (or some combination of those three, better known as 999) and Virtue’s Last Reward, which you may recall me talking about a while back.

After that, we’ll be paying Oxford’s board game cafe The Thirsty Meeple a visit, as I’m certainly curious to see how it stacks up to Snakes and Lattes, the board game cafe Mark and Lynette took us to while we were visiting them in Toronto — and a type of establishment I’ve been wishing was more widespread ever since.

I’m looking forward to having visitors and having the opportunity to hang out with friends for a decent length of time. Having been working from home and subsequently unemployed for so long, there are many days when I’ve found myself feeling both somewhat stir-crazy and a bit lonesome. Mark and Lynette’s visit is well-timed; just as I get a new job and just as my divorce is finalised — yes, Andie and I have been living in sin for a while now — we get some visitors. It all adds up to a life that feels like it’s somewhat getting back on track. Normality? That remains to be seen, but it’s certainly a step in the right direction.

1647: Good News at Last

Those of you following my personal life will know that I’ve been out of work for a little while now after unceremoniously being made redundant from my position at USgamer a while back. As you may recall from previous posts, I’ve been looking outside the games press for new opportunities, since although I once considered writing for video game publications to be my dream job, the reality was, as it tends to go with dreams, rather different: there was no progression, no stability and on more than one occasion, I’d woken up expecting to just do a normal day at work only to discover that either the site I was working on had closed, the entire rest of the staff had walked out due to the new management being… difficult, or that I was simply considered surplus to requirements. That is, I’m sure you’ll appreciate, no way to live.

So I started trawling the job sites — always a soul-destroying experience, but this time around I felt like I was having a little more success and bit more of a clearer idea of what I might be able to do. I made use of a neat site called Indeed, which effectively acts as a sort of “Google for jobs” and began searching for things directly relevant to what I’ve been doing — writing and editing. This eventually led me to related fields like communications and digital content editing, and ultimately to the job that I today secured.

Yes, that’s right; I have a new job. Technically I don’t start until the end of August, but I’m counting today as the day I “won”. It was a hard-fought victory — primarily against my own lack of self-confidence when it comes to this sort of things since, as I’ve noted in previous posts, I’ve actually had relatively few formal job interviews over the years — but a satisfying one nonetheless. It’s also a huge weight off my mind; although I have another month or so to get through without any income, I have at least got a bit of “rainy day” money stashed away for just this sort of situation, so I won’t be broke.

It is, in short, a good feeling, not only for the relief of my immediate problems, but for future prospects, too. I’m not going to talk about specifics of the position here and now, but suffice to say that although it’s outside of the field where I’ve hung my hat for the last few years, it’s a lot more likely to be a stable position that presents opportunities to learn new things, develop my skills and — hopefully — let me build a bit more of a coherent “career” than I have had to date. I’m looking forward to getting started, but in the meantime I’m going to enjoy the month or so of summer quasi-holiday I have right now. (Although with the current heat and humidity, I predict I’ll be spending most of it indoors with the curtains shut at this rate.)

Anyway. Thanks to those who have offered words of support in the past; it seems that good things do eventually come, even when you’re not necessarily expecting them. Here’s hoping things continue on an upward trajectory from here onwards.

1561: End of Another Era (Or: Please Hire Me)

I was informed today that, owing to various circumstances that I won’t go into right now — it would be unprofessional of me to do so, but suffice to say it’s not anything to do with something I’ve done, nor is there any ill will there — my position on Eurogamer’s US counterpart USgamer would be coming to an end within 4-8 weeks, depending on how long I want/need to stay on.

To be frank, I haven’t quite processed this news yet. I fully expect that when I do I will burst into tears and be a dribbling, horrible mess for at least an hour or so but that hasn’t happened just yet. It will come, though. In the meantime, while I’m still feeling reasonably rational, I wanted to compose a post explaining where I’m at in my career and where I’d like to head from here. Hopefully then anyone reading this as part of the traffic spike my blog is currently enjoying will have a better idea of who I am and what I can offer.

The biggest thing that has come out of my announcement that I would be leaving USgamer is the confirmation (via direct messages and mentions) that I have built up a solid reputation as someone who not only knows his stuff about Japanese games, but that I am also someone who treats them with respect. You might not think this is a particularly unusual characteristic for a games critic, given the importance of Japan to console gaming throughout video game history, but in recent years, Japan’s turn towards the moe side of gaming has caused many Western commentators to take its output considerably less seriously — even going so far as outright derision at times.

Attitude and tone are, of course, the prerogative of the individual publication or writer in question, but I had been feeling for some time that there was a significant gap in the market for respectful, non-disparaging coverage of niche Japanese games such as RPGs and visual novels, and set out to provide that, first with my experimental columns over on Games Are Evil, where I served as Managing Editor for a short period, and later at USgamer, where I ran a weekly Japanese gaming column called JPgamer. This column attracted a regular audience who were both appreciative and vocal about my support for Japanese gaming, my positive attitude towards it and my willingness to look beyond the most superficial elements — an attitude perhaps best exemplified by my piece on “The Hidden Depths of Otaku Games” and my review of the widely derided Time and Eternity as well as JPgamer at large.

J-gaming isn’t the only niche I attempted to fill, though. I’d recently also launched a board game column on USgamer called BOARDgamer, and past coverage of board and card games had proven somewhat successful. Alongside this, I made a point to cover interesting, unusual games rather than the same things other sites were looking at. I’d accept reviews of games that other sites would either ignore or pass off with a cursory quick look — titles like The Witch and the Hundred Knight and Demon Gaze — and I’d treat them with the same amount of respect afforded to the big triple-A titles. I hope I don’t sound arrogant when I say I feel I was fulfilling an important role that helped me to stand out somewhat.

Which is why I’m so sad that my time with USgamer has to come to an end. Between us, Jaz Rignall, Jeremy Parish, Mike Williams, Cassandra Khaw and I — plus the various contributors who have come and gone over the months — were building USgamer into something distinctive and interesting; a site that celebrated long-form magazine-style articles as well as the usual daily grind of news. We each had our own interests and specialisms, and we were each afforded the opportunity and a platform to talk about those things as well as the latest hotness in gaming news and reviews. That’s an immensely valuable thing not only for readers, but for writers, too. And, yes, I’m sad and upset that I will no longer be part of that once my time on the site comes to an end.

As previously noted, I have between 4 and 8 weeks left on the site depending on how quickly I can find a new position. I am happy to continue doing what I’ve been doing — writing about games, and hopefully letting some of my passion shine through — but I am also interested in getting involved on the editing side of things. I’ve been doing this a long time now; it would be nice to move on up and take a little more responsibility if the opportunity is available.

If you happen to hear of anything — or if you’re hiring — then please reach out and get in touch. You can send me an email via the About Pete page on this site if you don’t know my email address, or just leave a comment. You can also follow me on Twitter if you don’t already, and check out my professional history via LinkedIn.

Here’s hoping I have some good news to share sooner rather than later; 1) it’s my birthday tomorrow and 2) Andie and I are buying a house. Also, you know, 3) I don’t like being unemployed.

Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for any help you can offer in the job search.

#oneaday Day 681.5: RIP GamePro

[Apologies for the interruption to the ongoing story — it will end tomorrow. This needed to be said today, though.]

Today, an era came to an end, as the announcement came that GamePro in its current form would be no more as of December 5, 2011. Both the website and the new quarterly magazine have been shuttered, and all of us on staff suddenly find ourselves without a job. The GamePro brand itself will be folded into PC World, where it will most likely die a quiet death, unnoticed.

This is, of course, suckitude of the highest magnitude, but it wasn’t entirely unexpected. It is tough times in the super-competitive publishing industry, particularly in the overcrowded video games market. I shan’t pretend to understand the business reasons behind the closure of GamePro when we were enjoying viewing figures the likes of which the site had never seen — but it seems to be something of a sad truth in today’s games journalism industry that nothing lasts forever. If you want job security, it ain’t the sector you should get yourself into.

What has been touching is the amount of support people have shown for GamePro on Twitter and various other social networks today. The magazine and site was a lot more widely-known than I thought — at times I’d wondered if UK journos and industry types were even aware of it — and everyone, it seems, was sorry to see the back of what had, after all, been a fixture in gamer culture for many, many years, particularly in the U.S.

GamePro, of course, has personal meaning to me, too. My brother spent ten months giving both the magazine and its web presence a much-needed shakeup (see his blog post today for more) and made it something that was interesting and relevant to the modern gamer. And once he left and I had the opportunity to jump in on news reporting duties, I know my contributions played a part in the site’s growing success — growth that has been sadly cut short by today’s news.

While I’d never met many of the GamePro team face to face, it was a close-knit bunch of people who got on well together, from what I could make out, anyway! I felt like a valuable member of the team despite being halfway across the world, and I always felt like my hard work was appreciated — which is why I continued to work so hard and contribute as much quality content as I could to the site. I made a distinct effort to not cover the same stories that all the big news blogs did — that’s counter-productive. Rather, I took inspiration from sources such as GameSetWatch (which, coincidentally, also died today), Kill/Screen and numerous others to dig up interesting nuggets of information on fascinating indie titles, peculiar happenings in gamer culture and opportunities for discussion and debate. I was happy with the approach; I feel it gave GamePro a unique take on the news which wasn’t just a case of rewriting press releases and rewording stories from other sites. And on the occasions where I did write stories based on press releases, I made a conscious effort to actually write a story rather than just reword the press release. I’d read up on the background of the companies involved, find out precedents for interesting events and throw in some interesting trivia if I had some to hand.

And now it’s all over. I’m sorry to see GamePro go, but I’m hopeful that the staff will be able to find themselves suitably awesome positions to move on to. As for me? I couldn’t say. Working for an American site has been a great deal of fun but it’s had the side-effect that I’m known more in the States than I am in my own country. While I’d hope my experience and output would speak for itself regardless of the geographical location of the site on which it was published, I do wonder which side of the pond any future writing gigs might come from.

With that, then, ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses and toast the late GamePro. You’ll be missed.

#oneaday Day 519: Good News

Almost a year ago to the day, I posted an entry on this very blog noting that I was starting to feel more positive about things. Of course, things didn’t quite work out the way I planned for quite some time, but for those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter, I’m pleased to report that today, Tuesday June 21, 2011, I was offered an actual job from an actual company. Not only that, but the actual job from the actual company in question represents something that I actually want to do — something that I was beginning to give up hope on. Something I’d given up hope on enough to apply to be a customer service monkey for British Gas — an opportunity which they were keen to pursue with me, but which I thankfully didn’t follow up on. I don’t see myself as a phone jocket. Largely because I fucking hate talking on the phone.

No, this new job, which I will refrain from posting too many details about until I’ve signed various contracts and officially accepted the position, will have me doing some writing in the games industry, though not as a journalist. It’s a role at a software company, meaning I’ll hopefully have the opportunity to be exposed to the process of game development as well as marketing. It’s based in London, too, which is a mild pain in terms of accommodation prices, but quite exciting in that it’s 1) closer to my friends who are still on the south coast 2) closer to my friends who now live in London and 3) it’s London, and I’ve never lived in London before.

From a cursory examination of Rightmove, actually, the area of London that would be most practical for me to live for this job actually doesn’t cost that much more than a shithole like Aldershot. Granted, in Aldershot you probably get a bigger room for your money, but given that I’m effectively “starting over” at level 1 with nothing but vendor trash gear on my back, I don’t mind slumming it in a pokey little flat for a while. After all, the future’s already looking brighter, so better things will inevitably be on the horizon.

This, then, represents pretty much all of the negative status effects I picked up over the last year and a bit being lifted. Now it’s just a case of restoring HP (and finances), acquiring better gear (and somewhere to live) and then the path is clear to level 80.

Or, you know, something less geeky. Oh, sod off. I can express my good news however the hell I want.

So, then, that was today. I start my new job on July 4, so that will be a period fraught with both excitement and nervousness — but the good kind, rather than the “shit, everything is going wrong, how am I possibly ever going to get through this?” kind. Which is nice.

#oneaday, Day 200: Day 200

And it is with something of a sense of anticlimax that I reach my 200th daily entry on this blog. It’s ten to midnight, I’m sitting in my pants in a stuffy study wondering if I should go and get a glass of milk, play the three Words With Friends games I’ve got on the go at present, stare at Twitter in the hope some revelation might come my way or simply go to bed.

Today didn’t start particularly well, though I managed to get out of bed early for once. Something which I won’t go into right now got me feeling not-particularly-good early on. Downright depressed, in fact. As such, I spent the vast majority of the morning not achieving very much at all. It’s difficult to focus when there’s nothing to really focus on.

That said, the day did improve somewhat later on. I have a second interview for a job I actually want on Tuesday. This is a Good Thing, and brings me on to my next point.

Some time back, I promised that by Day 200 on this blog, I would have made a decision on what I’d be doing. Now, as it happens, said decisions have been pretty much made for me by circumstances beyond my control. But here, for those who give a damn, is what’s happening to me over the next few… I don’t know how long.

I am soon to leave Southampton. In the words of my good buddy Kalam, who just skipped town to live in London and is having mixed feeling about the whole thing, “I’ve got all I can out of this town”. There’s certainly no jobs here that I want to do. If you’re not an accountant, a lawyer or a docker here, there doesn’t appear to be much in the way of work. And I refuse to apply for a job I don’t understand the description for on principle.

I don’t know exactly when I’ll be leaving Southampton. But it will be some time before September 10, which is when the contract on my flat is up and is also, ironically, the birthday of my estranged wife. I will probably be out of here sooner than that, depending on how this interview goes and how soon I’d be able to start at this new position which I’m not going to talk about for fear of jinxing it.

Those of you who are still in Southampton: this town has been a big part of my life ever since I first came here in 1999. Even in the years I didn’t live here, it was still “home”. I have emotional ties and attachments here. And as such, I don’t want to leave it quietly. My time with this town may be coming to an end, but I’m determined that I give myself a proper send-off. So please: if and when I announce I’m doing something to say goodbye, it would mean a hell of a lot to me if as many of you as possible could attend. I know this isn’t “the end” and I’ll doubtless see many of you again. But I’m going to Cambridge, which is a pretty long way away. So I’d like to say a proper goodbye to those I won’t be seeing again for some time. This is a heartfelt request. I’ll try and give as much notice as possible. Keep an eye on Twitter, Facebook and here. And, as arrogant as it sounds, make sure I have a send-off I won’t forget in a hurry.

Beyond this isn’t yet clear. The outcome of Tuesday will impact the details of what happens next. In an ideal world (which I know far too well we don’t live in) I’d get this job, be able to start pretty soon, move back up to Cambridge to stay with my folks for a little while, earn some money, get back on my feet and then the world is my generic clamshell laptop computer.

I have mixed feelings about all this still. The circumstances of everything suck. There’s no changing that. And it’s going to be tough to leave behind this city that’s been home for so long. But at the same time, a new start might just give a fresh outlook on anything. And being back at work will actually be nice. It’s tough to fill the days sometimes, and that’s what can lead to depression and not dealing with things very well.

So in summary: I’m not out of the woods yet. But I’m at least on the path.

Apologies this has been such a melancholy entry for such a milestone in the whole #oneaday project. Let’s hope the next 165 days mark a new beginning. I’m past the halfway point now. Should be smooth sailing downhill from now.

Right?

#oneaday, Day 179: Back to…

Evening all. After the considerable amount of depravity that took place last night I’m pleased to report something of a return to normality, though my head doesn’t quite believe that yet, still wobbling a little bit as it is. I’d also like to assure everyone that this post is written entirely by me and no other drunken people passing my phone around and sharing their pearls of wisdom with the world.

On a side note, whoever wrote this:

This is going terribly badly, but it pretty much sums up how tonight is going with the drink flowing freely like paradise city if the drink flowed freely instead of the girls being pretty.

I actually love you. Well done.

It wasn’t me. I don’t think. I’d remember coming up with something like that.

Anyway. Today has been largely wasted in a hung-over haze. We didn’t get home until well after 5 in the morning. The sun was rising, the birds were singing; it would have been quite beautiful were we not all quite so obliterated with the incredibly strong vodka we’d been plied with. Still, despite five completely necessary yet discreet early-morning trips to the bathroom that I am assured no-one else heard, we all slept very well. Admittedly, most of us not in our own houses. But we slept well nonetheless.

A little too well, in fact. Despite waking up repeatedly for aforementioned bodily cries for help, I fell asleep until well after lunchtime. There was no sign of my previous night’s companions, and a croaky-voiced shout of “anyone up yet?” outside the bedroom doors didn’t elicit any response. So eventually I figured enough was enough. I shouted a crackly “goodbye” and staggered out into the street feeling more than a little bit shaky. I realised that I wasn’t quite sure where I actually was in town, and the battery on my phone had died in the night.

Luckily, it wasn’t difficult to get back into town, and I plied myself with a coffee and a bacon sandwich that I ate very, very carefully. I managed to make it home without succumbing to the hugely lazy desire to get a taxi for a trip of less than a mile. When I got back in, I slumped on the couch for a bit and stared at the wall, half-asleep. But there was work to do; I have a job interview tomorrow, and there’s a presentation to deliver as part of it.

Trouble is, this job is in a field that I’m sure I could do but have little to no experience in. I’m not a marketer, though I’ve written stuff that could technically be classed as “PR” in the past. I know my way around social networking and know how to promote things; but at the same time I don’t want to become one of those douchebags who describe themselves as a “social media guru”.

Nor am I particularly enamoured with the idea of wearing a suit, which this job sounds like it will require. Suits look great on the right person, sure. But particularly in the summer months, there are few things more unpleasant to wear than a suit. Heavy woolen trousers and jacket? Shirt that seems to get sweaty pits as soon as you put it on? No thanks.

As you may have gathered, for a variety of reasons, I’m not feeling particularly fired up about this interview. I’m not sure why; ever since the company first got back to me and expressed an interest it hasn’t felt quite “right”. Initially, this was because of the prospect of having to move to a new city for it. I’ve kind of accepted the fact that that is going to be pretty much inevitable now, given the startling lack of any jobs that are the slightest bit interesting in Southampton. But even accepting that, things still didn’t feel quite “right”. It doesn’t feel like the right fit for me.

The advice of friends has convinced me that I should go anyway, see what the company’s like, scope the place out and get a feel for it. If it turns out to be awesome, great. If not, 1) it doesn’t matter because I have other prospects lined up and 2) it’s good experience.

A job’s a job, I know. But there are other prospects on the horizon that, while they pay less, offer the opportunity for much, much more in the way of happiness. And at the end of the day, I think that’s the most important thing.