2531: Planning to Unplug

After some discussion with my friend Chris recently — partly inspired by my recent post on mobile phone apathy — I’ve made the not particularly difficult decision to try and “unplug” as much as possible from the general noise of the Internet in 2017.

And I’m talking about more than just stepping away from Twitter and Facebook like I have done a few times in the past, as positive as those experiences turned out to be for me. I’m talking about a pretty thorough purge, and a return to a simpler, quieter life with fewer external stressors.

You see, the allure of the Internet and its ability to connect people from all over the world has kind of worn off somewhat for me. The last few years have demonstrated that there are a significant number of people out there who are more interested in conflict, oneupmanship and narcissism than actual meaningful interaction. The fall from grace of the games press — and many game journalists’ pretty much unveiled hatred of their audiences — is just one of many examples of this, but the overall negativity that infuses what feels like the vast majority of online communications these days is just proving to be more trouble than it’s worth.

I don’t need that. It’s not adding anything to my life — nothing good, anyway — so, I figure, why continue to put up with it? There’s no need to.

As such, starting on New Year’s Day, I’m going to begin a process of unplugging as much as I possibly can. Twitter and Facebook are both going completely, since the annoyance both of those bring to my life far outweighs the benefits of both of them. More significantly, I’m planning on ditching the smartphone age in favour of an older, simpler phone that doesn’t bug me every five minutes with updates and notifications. At this point, I’m strongly considering picking up a second-hand N-Gage I’ve seen on Amazon, since that has the added benefit of being an underappreciated and increasingly rare gaming platform as well as a phone I very much enjoyed using when I originally had one.

I’m also going to draw my time with this blog to a close. I’m satisfied with what I’ve achieved here since I started, but the time has come to move on. I’m not going to give up regular writing, mind you; I’m still going to post weekly articles over on MoeGamer, since those have a clear focus, and I’m also intending to start a weekly TinyLetter as a more private, more personal substitute for my daily updates here. I’ll post details on how to sign up for that towards the end of the year, so those of you who want to continue to follow what I’m up to can do so.

I’ll be keeping more personal means of communication open. My email address and Google Hangouts accounts will still be active, as will my gaming accounts on Steam, Xbox Live and PSN. But the shouting into the void that is public social media will, hopefully, become a thing of the past. It’s no longer enjoyable, useful or fun, so I have no need for it.

I’m not going to put my personal email, Google Hangouts and gaming account addresses in this post for obvious reasons, but if you are interested in staying in touch via any of these means, please feel free to drop me a line via my Contact page explaining who you are and how you know me. If we’ve chatted before in the past, great, no problem; if we’ve never spoken before, however, please do include a bit about yourself in your message.

That’s the plan, then. And I anticipate that it will lead to a happier, more peaceful and less stressful 2017 for me. At least I hope it does, anyway!

2286: Disappointment

This post is a response to WordPress’ “Daily Post” writing prompt for today.

My immediate reaction to the word “disappointment” when seeing today’s writing prompt was… well, disappointment in The Daily Post’s prompts of late.

Longtime readers may recall my occasional use of The Daily Post’s writing prompts and the fact that they led to some interesting explorations of topics I might not normally explore on this blog. My default go-to topics for writing about are video games, games journalism and mental health issues, but the prompts from The Daily Post gave me a nudge to consider other topics now and again, whether they be nostalgic, hypothetical or just plain weird.

Lately, though, the prompts on the site have just been single words, and these don’t inspire me nearly as much as the questions or phrases that used to make up The Daily Post’s bank of writing prompts. I’m trying to pin down exactly why the change to this style of prompt fills me with such disappointment, and I think it’s because it provides the opportunity for too broad a range of things to write about; single-word prompts are too flexible.

Let me explain what I mean. When I decide to make use of a writing prompt for a day’s post, I like it being in the form of a question or an exam-style “Phrase. Discuss.” prompt because it provides some sort of direction to the writing. Creativity is, to me, at its most interesting when you work within some sort of constraint, because you then have to not only use your creativity to produce the work itself, but you also have to use your creativity to perhaps bend the rules of the constraint in question, too. A single word doesn’t constrain me at all; I can still pretty much write about anything tangentially related to, say, “disappointment”, and I’ve technically fulfilled the brief. That, to me, isn’t a helpful writing prompt. That, to me, makes me feel like I should have just started writing any old thing off the top of my head rather than looking for a prompt.

I’m aware that my experiences and feelings about this aren’t going to be the same as everyone else’s, and that there are doubtless plenty of bloggers out there who relish the chance to tackle the challenge of a single-word prompt and make it interesting. But for me, I always found The Daily Post much more enjoyable when it provided much clearer briefs and prompts on what to write about — and much more interesting to see how other people interpreted these briefs, too.

Hopefully we’ll see a return to form for The Daily Post at some point in the near future. If not, well, I may have to contemplate setting up something of my own. I can’t be the only one feeling disappointment in this way!

2212: The Stat Connection

“Go to your Stats page and check your top 3-5 posts. Why do you think they’ve been successful? Find the connection between them, and write about it.”

Daily Post, February 9, 2016

All right. Let’s have a look, then. Since we’re not that far into 2016 and WordPress doesn’t appear to have an “all time” function to search top posts, I’ll provide the top five posts (excluding the homepage, which makes up the majority of pageviews but doesn’t tell me much) for both 2016 so far and 2015. In other words, these are posts that people saw the title of (probably on social media or via a search engine) and directly clicked through to, rather than simply checking my front page each day.

Here’s 2016 so far:

And here’s 2015:

All right. So let’s get analysing.

Since I write about a wide variety of topics on this blog — regular readers will know that it’s my personal outlet for venting about whatever is on my mind on any given day rather than any attempt to provide a coherent editorial experience — it’s perhaps not surprising that not all of the entries in these two lists have something in common, but there are a few common themes along the way.

How to Do Stuff

Let’s look at 2016, first. Both How to Win at Omega Quintet and Helping your Squad in Xenoblade X were written in 2015 (indicated by them not having the orange bar next to them), yet have remained consistently popular since I wrote them. The reason for this is that they are instructional content: guides for video games. Instructions or guides are consistent traffic magnets, regardless of the subject matter of your site, because one of the most common things people search the Internet for is how to do something. Video games sites often use guide content for current popular games to attract visitors to their site and guarantee a baseline of ad revenue, then cross their fingers that readers will click through to other, less “baity” content. It doesn’t always work like that, of course, which is why we’ve seen a rise in deliberately provocative “clickbait” content across the board, not just in games journalism.

Anyway. The reason that my guide content for both Omega Quintet and Xenoblade X proved popular is that these were both games that had a specific audience, but neither of them were “big” enough for a commercial site to want to devote time and column inches to them. In other words, those searching for help when playing Omega Quintet and/or Xenoblade X would be out of luck when searching the big video games sites, but a cursory Google search would doubtless throw up my posts here fairly early on — indeed, at the time of writing, my post on Omega Quintet appears sixth in my (admittedly personalised) Google search results, embarrassingly with a typo in the preview text which I have now corrected:

It’s for this reason that a couple of my other previous posts have proven popular over time: my post on How to Play Pocket Academy, for example, detailing the baffling and frankly illogical mechanics of Kairosoft’s mobile-based school sim, rode high in my rankings for quite some time. I tell you: if you want traffic, write posts that tell people how to do stuff, and preferably how to do stuff that mainstream sites haven’t covered.

The Power of Sharing

My most popular posts are always several orders of magnitude more popular than their nearest rivals, with perhaps the most impressive example being 2015’s An Open Letter to Paul Glass, Slimming World Consultant, Upper Shirley. This post was pretty far from my more regular subject matter on popular media, particularly video games, and yet it was my most popular individual post for 2015. Why? Because it had the absolute shit shared out of it.

Paul Glass was the consultant at our local Slimming World group when I first joined, and his enthusiasm and belief in the programme was and is a big part of why I’ve stuck with it and had so much success over the course of the last year — I’ve lost six stone in a year, hopefully with more still to come off. When he revealed that he would be leaving the group to spend more time with his family in far-off climes, I felt it important to express my feelings about what he had helped me accomplish in such a way that I could be clearly understood. I’m shy and socially anxious by nature, and at the time I wrote this I’m not sure how confident I would have felt saying all those words in person, but writing them down on paper is no big deal: I can “fire and forget” that way.

Something told me that I should probably share this post a little wider than just my Twitter followers, though, and so I decided to make one of my extremely irregular visits to Facebook to post a link to the letter on the Facebook group for the Slimming World group in question. That one simple action caused that one single post to absolutely explode in popularity, as it was shared by group members, Paul himself, and subsequently by other people I’d never met involved with Slimming World in various capacities, either as group members or staff.

You never can quite tell what the next big viral sensation is going to be, but there is one thing that all my popular posts do tend to have in common:

The Passion of the Post

It is, I feel, no coincidence that my most widely shared, most popular posts are those in which I feel most passionate about the things that I am writing about. I am a person who, I feel, can express their passion for something pretty clearly through my writing. And indeed, due to the aforementioned shyness and social anxiety mentioned above, I find writing to be the easiest means through which I can express that passion to an audience that can — hopefully — appreciate what I’m saying, or at least respect it.

2015’s most popular posts were all about passion, from my letter to Paul to Perhaps We Should Stop Insulting Fans of Japanese Games. Four out of the five posts above were about video games — four out of the five posts were pretty much about the same thing, in fact, which was critics’ regular dismissive and unfair treatment of both Japanese game developers and the fans of the games they make — but these posts all resonated deeply both with myself and with the circle of friends I’ve cultivated on social media, most of whom share the same interests as me.

Consequently, much as my letter to Paul got shared far and wide, so too did The Joyless Wankers of the Games Press (actually written the year before in response to an absolutely atrocious review of Fairy Fencer F on my former stomping grounds of USgamer), Some Thoughts for Critics (a response to Jim Sterling’s dreadful and ill-informed review of Senran Kagura 2), Hi Games Journalism, It’s Time We Had Another Chat (a response to Mike Diver’s equally dreadful and ill-informed review of Senran Kagura 2, a game which is a ton of fun but which proved to be a whipping boy for self-described “progressive” types on the grounds of the female characters’ big jiggly breasts) and the aforementioned Perhaps We Should Stop Insulting Fans of Japanese Games (a response to an extraordinarily narrow-minded editorial on USgamer by my former editor Jeremy Parish, and almost certainly the reason he has me blocked on Twitter). I saw these posts get shared and reshared, not only on Twitter, but also on Facebook and Reddit, the latter of which I don’t really use myself.

The things I had written had clearly got the strength of my feelings across, and other people felt like they could relate to them in some way — either agreeing or disagreeing — and this caused them to explode in popularity, at least in terms of numbers. The same, too, can be said for 2016’s Why It Would Be A Mistake to Not Localise Valkyrie Drive Bhikkuni, an impassioned plea for the progressive loudmouths not to stop Senran Kagura creator Kenichiro Takaki’s new game making it over to Western shores.

Bovril?

I’ll be honest, I have no idea why a post from 2013 about beef-and-yeast-extract black sticky substance Bovril is my third most popular post this year so far, but oddly enough this post has been consistently popular: it finished 2015 in sixth place, just after my various rants at the games journalism industry and also ranked sixth in 2014, but only managed 19th place in its original year of publication.

It’s not even a particularly exciting post: it simply describes what Bovril is and how I feel about it. It doesn’t even appear on the front page of Google results for Bovril. But I guess it meant something to someone somewhere. Perhaps not many people write about Bovril on the Internet, and my post offered a safe space for Bovril fans to convene and share in silent contemplation of salty beef drinks. Or perhaps it’s just one of those things that can’t quite be explained.

So what can we learn from this?

There are a few things you can probably see my most popular posts have in common. To my eye, these things are:

A clear, conversational title that makes it clear what the post is about — i.e. a simple subject line rather than a “title” that tries to be clever or funny
Passion for the subject — clear emotion, either positive or negative, is infectious and relatable
Scope for sharing — be it a topic that a lot of people feel strongly about, or something that is written in such a way that presents a strong argument in favour of or against something
Complete honesty — even at the expense of a few “bridges” if necessary
Instructions on how to do stuff — particularly if nowhere else has published instructions on how to do that stuff

Not all of my most popular posts have all of the above elements — although I do make a specific effort to apply the “complete honesty” element to everything I write — but these are, by far, the most common factors that all of my most popular posts have between them.

I hope that’s proved as enlightening for you as it has for me: it’s certainly given me some food for thought with regard to what to write about going forward from here, so I’d say both as a writing exercise and an analytical investigation, this post has been a great success.

Thanks, Daily Post!

2114: Million-Dollar Question

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Million-Dollar Question.”

“Why do you blog?”

I’ve answered this question before numerous times on these very pages, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to contemplate it again, particularly for the benefit of those who have only found me recently and are disinclined to trawl through over 2,100 previous posts to find previous answers.

I blog for numerous reasons. Mostly habit, to be perfectly honest; after 2,114 days of writing something each and every day, it is very much part of my daily routine now, even if I do habitually leave it until the “last minute”, as I have done once again today, writing this at 1:10 in the morning when I have work at 9am.

The reason why I started, though, was to be part of something that sounded interesting. A few people I followed on Twitter at the time started talking about the hashtag #oneaday, which I investigated further and discovered was an attempt to write something each and every day for a year. The intention was not necessarily to write something good each and every day for a year, but more to get into the habit of writing something on a daily basis. The more you do something, the more you develop your craft, after all, and in something inherently creative like writing, the more you do something, the more you develop your own personal style, too. Since most of the people participating in the hashtag were games journalists to varying degrees, keeping their writing skills fresh was obviously a good idea.

I jumped on board — a little later than some of my comrades, but still within January. I kept an eye on what others were up to and sometimes drew ideas and inspiration from their work, but I was somewhat surprised to discover that a goodly proportion of the people who started in that January decided to abandon the project remarkably quickly. One of these people who jumped ship quickly was the person who appeared to have started the whole shebang in the first place. I decided that I was going to be stubborn, though, and I was going to stick it out until the end of the year.

So I did, along with a few others with a similarly stubborn streak. Then I kept going. Some of those others continued on with me; others joined the cause; others still abandoned the idea altogether. I continued for another year and kept going and going and going. Now, to my knowledge, I’m the only member of the original crew who is still writing something every day, though I have stayed in touch with quite a few of the people I met over the course of the first couple of years of this project.

Writing something every day is challenging. Not because the act of writing is itself particularly difficult, but because it can be a real challenge to come up with something to write about every day. I don’t like to spend too many days in a row writing about the same thing — those who follow me regularly will know that I could probably rabbit on about Final Fantasy XIV for months non-stop at a time — but rather spread my wings a bit and write about other topics, be they things that have happened that day, things that I’ve seen on social media, frustrations I’ve felt or successes I want to celebrate.

Finding those topics has encouraged me to use writing as an outlet for the things that occasionally swirl around inside my head and are in need of expressing, but which I find difficulty expressing out loud to another person face-to-face. Writing allows me to put things across I am unable to — or unwilling to — talk to people about in person, in other words. Interestingly, though, the more I write about things, the more I feel I am able to actually talk about them too; perhaps because I know that some people have read the things I’ve written and thus know all the most pertinent details before I start actually addressing them directly.

It’s been a helpful form of quasi-therapy, in other words; it allows me to work through things that might feel like they were unresolvable or frustrating if I left them inside my head. Sometimes the things I want to talk about really are unresolvable, but the simple act of communicating them in some way relieves some of the “pressure” because I’ve been able to express how I’m feeling — and indirectly help other people understand what it is I’m thinking.

So, as long as I have an Internet connection, a keyboard and working fingers, I have no intention of stopping just yet. I do occasionally ask myself why I keep bothering when my regular reader numbers are so (relatively) low, but my answer is pretty much always the same: I’m writing for me first and foremost; if other people derive some entertainment, comfort or understanding from it, so much the better, but my first priority when I write is always expressing my own thoughts and feelings.

2091: Singular Sensation

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Singular Sensation.”

“If one experience or life change results from you writing your blog, what would you like it to be?”

I’ve talked about how this blog is helpful to me personally on a number of occasions in the past. It’s an outlet, mostly, albeit one I’ve chosen to make public as a means of sharing “who I am” with the rest of the world. You may like what I say, you may hate it, you may judge me harshly or you may empathise with the things I’m saying, but you can be certain that everything I write here is the honest truth at all times, warts and all.

And, to be honest, I’ve already had experiences and life-changing results from writing this blog, though I didn’t necessarily know what effect I was having at the time. My particularly tough year back in 2010 is something I keep coming back to, but I don’t mind admitting that sitting down and getting some thoughts down on “paper” on this very site each day helped me through the worst of a terrible situation. It didn’t immediately resolve anything, but it at least gave me the chance to feel like I was able to express the many, many conflicting feelings swirling around in my head at the time.

And this is something I still keep in mind when I write something here every day now. I write from the heart, without particularly planning things out or attempting to compose something with good structure; instead, this is a scratch pad for random thoughts, a place to jot down memories so I don’t forget them, a place to enthuse about the things I love and a place to rant about the things I hate. I do try not to stick to the same topic all the time, but you know what people are like — everyone likes what they like, so even with the best of intentions, I know that I inevitably find myself drifting back towards the things I enjoy writing about the most.

Actually, my occasional adoption of these writing prompts from The Daily Post is an attempt to mix things up a bit; the prompts aren’t always particularly appealing or relevant to me, but when they are, they can providing a good starting point for something to write about. Plus I’ve found that posting a pingback to The Daily Post via the link at the top of one of these posts brings in some new people who perhaps wouldn’t have found me normally. Sometimes those people stick around; at other times, they may linger for just one or two posts before disappearing into the darkness of the Internet once again. Either way, it’s nice to come across new people now and again, and know that I’ve touched their lives, even in a minor sort of way.

So, then, I don’t think I have any particular grand plans for something I want to achieve using this blog. By this point, it’s something I just keep around because I’ve been doing it for so long — and, well, I kind of enjoy coming up with something to write about each day, too. It’s part of my routine now; so much so that whenever I’m away from home I always make sure I have some means of posting while I’m away. After 2,091, it’s a hard habit to break — and I don’t particularly want to, either.

So whether you’re a longtime reader or someone who’s just dropped by after seeing a pingback on The Daily Post, thank you, once again, for listening to my nonsense, and I hope you got something out of it, even it was just the hint of a smile for whatever reason.

2023: The Infinity Dreams Award

So I don’t do a whole lot of “networking” on this blog, since I primarily use it as a personal outlet/journal sort of affair. I should probably do a bit more, though, particularly as I’m quite active on other forms of social media such as Twitter, where I’ve found a great number of people who are interested in the same sorts of things as me — which, believe me, is really important.

These blog “award” things are posting prompts that I’ve seen before, but never really participated in. They can be fun, though, so when Nick of The Skycorps Blog mentioned The Infinity Dreams Award on Twitter yesterday and was looking for people to pass it on to, I volunteered. So thanks, Nick! Me stepping up may not be quite the same thing as someone nominating me without prompting, but I’m grateful for you following through (and the links!) nonetheless.

So what is The Infinity Dreams Award? Well, unlike other blog awards that do the rounds, this isn’t a list of questions to answer followed by the opportunity to send on some of your own questions. Instead, it’s much simpler: all you have to do is list seven dreams — as in ambitions, not night-time dreams — that you have, and be as personal as you want about it. Well, you all know I have no problem in laying myself out there on this here blog, so let’s get intimate.

In no particular order, then, here are my seven dreams.

Dream 1: Finish and publish one of my stories

Shamelessly stealing this from Nick here, but since his first couple of dreams resonated strongly with me, too, I thought I’d give my own thoughts on a similar situation.

I absolutely love writing, particularly creative writing, and so it would be fantastic to actually finish a complete novel-length story and publish it somehow. As long-standing readers will know, I have actually finished several stories in blog format on this here site, but those are largely improvisational and unplanned in nature, and as such would require some heavy editing in order to be publishable.

I do, however, have a number of different stories floating around in my head, some of which I’ve started writing and others of which are just an interesting idea. The main barrier to me actually knuckling down and finishing one is the fact that I can do Beginnings, and I can do Endings, but it’s the middle bit that leads from one to the other that I find myself struggling with a bit. My absolute favourite story that I’ve been writing for years now has a very clear beginning and a very clear end, but I have absolutely no idea how to join them up together.

Dream 2: Find a good job

Nick’s second dream also very much applies to me, as regular readers will know. I’m currently in a situation where I know that “conventional” employment is not a particularly good fit for me, but where freelance work isn’t enormously forthcoming for one reason or another. As I noted the other day, there’s the possibility of going into business by myself as a Slimming World consultant, and that’s something that very much appeals — though the start-up costs for that are significant, and that, frankly, frightens me a bit. As the days go by, though, I’m starting to think more and more that I need to face that fear and just jump in; the job itself, I feel, is something I could do well at and be happy with, so I’m inclined to pursue it and see what happens.

This is, of course, assuming that they interview me and want me in the first place, which remains to be seen, so all of the above may be a moot point.

Dream 3: Publish a successful magazine

Matt at Digitally Downloaded and I have been working hard on our first edition of our magazine, which we’re aiming to try and get out of the door at the end of this month. I’m really pleased with what we’ve developed so far, and I’m very, very excited about the future.

I believe there’s absolutely a market for what we’re doing, because it’s very distinct from what websites offer. I much prefer the sort of thing we’re doing — in-depth readings and criticism rather than questionable journalism — and I feel the whole “make the sort of thing you want to see” philosophy is a good basis for creating something. Because chances are you aren’t the only one to feel the way you do, as lonely as opinions outside the “norm” can feel sometimes.

Dream 4: Build up my music teaching client base

I already have two piano pupils, with a possible third and fourth coming later in the year. That earns me a few quid each week, but by no means enough to actually survive on. I would love to have more pupils, though in order to do that I know I need to make more of an effort with promotion — it’s figuring out where to start with all that. This is one area where the Slimming World job could potentially help me out — a big part of that job is promotion, so it would give me some great ideas on how to get noticed.

Dream 5: Become fluent in Japanese

This is a long-term one, but I’m making the effort. Since my evening classes are no longer running, I have to self-study, which at times can be challenging, but I’ve found the online courses at YesJapan.com work well with the way my brain works and offer a variety of activities to learn in different ways, so I’m going to continue with those as long as possible. The natural realisation of this dream is the point where I can import a game from Japan and be able to understand everything that is going on in it at the same speed I can do with an English game. In the short-term, I’ll just be happy with getting my head around both hiragana and katakana, the former of which I’m getting reasonably confident with, the latter of which is still a mystery.

Dream 6: Reach my target weight and continue losing

I’m still a few stone off the “target” I set for myself when I joined Slimming World, but I’ve already lost over four stone since February and am continuing to lose, on average, at least a pound every week. I already feel way better about myself than I have done in years, and I can’t even imagine how much more self-confidence I will have with a few more stone off my body.

Dream 7: Conquer my depression and anxiety

I don’t know if this one will ever come to fruition, but in many ways it’s the one I most hope will come true. Depression and anxiety have absolutely crippled and almost destroyed my life up until this point, and I despise them for it. I am better than I was, but my horrible experiences with my last job set me back a good year or two in the “recovery” process — a fact for which I will never forgive those responsible. One day, I would like to be free; for the moment, however, I’ll be happy with the odd day of contentment.

I’m supposed to nominate some people now, who will then run with this and continue in their own way — or perhaps ignore it completely. Either way, then, I nominate the following people and blogs:

Pete Skerritt of Consoleation
awesomecurry of カレーまみれ勇者の冒険 Curry Chronicles
Chris Schilling of rudderless
Jud House of Jud’s Game Reviews and Jud’s Jottings

Not sure quite how many people I’m supposed to nominate, but four is probably fine for now. Drop me a comment or pingback if you decide to participate in this; I’ll be very interested to read what you have to say.

1949: My Continuing Mission

As I tick ever-closer to 2,000 daily posts (this blog crossed the 2,000 posts in total mark a few days ago, incidentally) I find myself once again contemplating the meaning of this little exercise and how it has changed over the last few years.

Initially, as those who have been following since the beginning will know, it was a community effort. The #oneaday hashtag on Twitter brought together a small group of people of varying levels of commitment who decided to try and post something every day without worrying too much about “quality” — instead, simply helping to flex the creative muscles a bit by getting in the habit of writing every day, even if it was complete tosh or stream-of-consciousness nonsense.

As more and more people dropped out — the person I originally saw the hashtag via dropped out after less than a month, as I recall — it became a matter of pride for those of us still going to make it to the full year. Some of us decided to continue beyond that point, others didn’t. I helped to get together a group of people who were interested in participating to form the One A Day Project, a somewhat more organised collective of bloggers with slightly relaxed “rules”: participants didn’t necessarily have to commit to daily posts — though many did — they simply had to commit to posting regularly, and at least attempt to make it through the whole year. (Professional floppy-haired twat Matt Lees took great umbrage to this clause and posted a lengthy rant expressing his disapproval about how it diluted the original meaning of #oneaday, but then he didn’t stick it out for very long in its first year, so he wasn’t really in a position to complain. Said rant has, however, seemingly been deleted since. What a pity.) There was also a charitable component; we invited people to sponsor us to motivate our efforts. We made a bit of money — not a huge amount, but some, at least — so we did some good in the process.

This particular year was quite interesting, as it exposed me to a wide range of people, many of whom I probably wouldn’t have come across otherwise. Some I’ve stayed in touch with, others I haven’t, but I was happy to have encountered them, even if it was only briefly, and interested to read their perspectives on their life, loves and passions, which ranged from arts and crafts to amateur radio via archery. (And some other things that didn’t begin with “A”.) It was an interesting and enjoyable experiment, all told, but it was a surprising amount of work that I’m somewhat inclined to believe was a little more trouble than it was worth — particularly as other people were somewhat reluctant to step forward and help me with some of the responsibilities and expectations I’d set in the beginning. I didn’t mind, though; it just might have been able to go on a little longer and be a little more successful, high profile and beneficial to the charities if there were a few more people willing to work behind the scenes. But oh well.

After that petered out, I continued to write on here every day. Why? Difficult to say; I think it’s largely just become habit now, more than anything. Plus, I’ve always found it helpful and cathartic; in the early days, this proved particularly helpful as I was going through my separation from my first wife, one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever suffered though. Much like writing a diary allows you to empty your head of wayward thoughts and express things you might not have anyone to talk to about, so too has this blog performed that function for me.

The only difference, of course, is the fact that this blog is public and therefore open for people to look at and comment upon. Sometimes, when I have written on controversial topics that I have strong feelings about, this has attracted the ire of people who want to lay into me for my opinions — though this has only really happened on a couple of occasions, and I’ve only ever had to close comments on a post completely once. It’s easy to focus on this negative side of publishing your thoughts online, though; it’s much more beneficial to focus on the more important, positive and almost infinitely more frequent occurrence of people coming along, finding my blog, discovering a like-minded individual and striking up a conversation or even a friendship over something I’ve written.

None of that is my priority, I have to say; the original point of #oneaday was not to write “for” anyone but yourself, and I’ve continued with that credo since day one. This blog has always been and always will be a completely honest, open and (mostly) unashamed look at the real person I am inside; the person who may not always be entirely comfortable expressing himself in person, but the person who is there nonetheless. Ultimately you, the reader, can take or leave me based on that, but it’s the person I truly am.

As the number at the top of these posts advances towards 2,000 — a significant milestone by anyone’s calculations — I find myself contemplating what the future holds, too. Will I continue after 2,000? Highly likely. Will this blog still continue to look the way it does today? Probably not; I revamped the “look” at post 1,000 and will probably do so again at 2,000. Will I continue to post occasionally coherent ramblings about everything from video games to music to pretty anime girls to board games to how people should really stop being such shitheads to one another? Almost definitely.

It’s been a long and sometimes difficult ride. And I don’t think I’m ready to get off any time soon.

1461: Day After Day

Every so often when I sit down to write this blog thing every day, I look at the number before the post title and think “bloody hell, that’s a lot of posts.” Then I think “bloody hell, that’s quite a long time I’ve been doing this.”

Of course, given that my day job involves writing lots of things every day, it’s perhaps arguable whether or not having written a single post on here every day for the last 1,461 days is as impressive as it once was, but I like to think it still shows a certain degree of dedication and commitment on my part. And, given that I’m not the sort of person who spends a lot of time thinking particularly good things about themselves, that’s one thing with concrete evidence that I can specifically point to and say “yes, that’s good; that’s something I can be pleased with.”

I feel doubly pleased when I think back to how this all started. For those who have joined me recently, the basic gist was this: a few UK-based writers got together and decided to write something every day, initially for a year. I joined quite late in January in that first year, and haven’t stopped since. Interestingly, a significant number of the people who started that first year also gave up very quickly — the person I regard as the “founder” simply bowed out with a tweet that said “fuck #oneaday” one day and never picked it up again — but others stuck it out for most or even all of that first year.

Following that, I managed to organise a ragtag group of bloggers into a group who helped motivate each other somewhat, and in the process we raised a bit of money for charity. Again, though, relatively few people made it through the whole year, but I stood firm. Now, to my knowledge, I’m the only one of the original participants from either of those first couple of years to still be blogging on a daily basis and while I may not always have a lot of meaningful things to say, I still sit down and write every day, regardless.

Because it wasn’t necessarily about writing something meaningful or useful. It was just about writing. As with any creative endeavour, regardless of how ambitious it is, the only way to get better and refine your craft is to continue doing it as often as possible. You might just discover a few things about yourself in the process.

For my part, I’ve discovered — well, confirmed, really — that writing is a good outlet for me. If stress and anxiety is starting to build up in my head, as it often does, writing this post each day is a good means of venting some of that steam. I don’t even necessarily have to write specifically about what I’m stressed or anxious about; if you look back to the period on this blog where my marriage was falling apart and I was in a seriously bad place mental health-wise, you’ll notice that a lot of the posts are considerably more creative than they perhaps are now. I don’t think this is coincidental at all; misery appears to beget creativity, which may account for the whole “tortured artist” stereotype.

Note: I do not advocate the seeking out of misery purely to get your own creative juices flowing, but if, for whatever reason, you’re not in a good place, use that negative energy to make something. It doesn’t have to be good. But it can help.

Anyway. I think that’s enough blabbering on for now. Just another day in the increasingly long list.

This is my 1,000th daily post on this blog

Well, there we are. 1,000 days of non-stop daily blogging. I am the best, I win, etc. Sorry this post is so late, but once you’ve read it you’ll hopefully appreciate that it took a bit of time to put together. I felt I should make the effort, you know. Special occasion and all that.

Of course, I’m well aware that I’m not the first person to reach a thousand days — as I mentioned a few days back, Mr Ian Dransfield got there first due to… well, starting before me. I joined the initial #oneaday crowd a little late, on January 19, 2010, whereas the people who actually started the whole thing off began closer to New Year’s Day. As I noted in that post I just linked to, however, I am officially the Last Man Standing and I don’t mind admitting that I feel more than a little proud of that fact. Through thick and thin, I’ve stuck by this self-imposed project with no end and no goal, and I have enjoyed the experience immensely.

And, more importantly, I plan to continue enjoying it from this point onwards. Post number 1,000 — that’s this one — is most certainly not a fond farewell and a hanging up of the… whatever implement best exemplifies blogging. (My computer keyboard, I guess.) No; it’s a significant milestone, for sure, but I see no reason to stop. There are plenty of things to write about. And while they may not always be the most interesting or universally appealing, as I’ve noted on this blog a number of times before, the original intention of #oneaday was not to be interesting or universally appealing. It was simply a kick up the bum to get those of us who enjoyed writing to do more writing. Writing for ourselves, rather than for someone else. Writing without limits, without the necessity of sticking to a style (though those of us in it for the long haul naturally developed our own personal styles), without word counts, without anyone deciding whether or not the thing we were writing about was worth writing about. And, of course writing without editing.

Yes, these are the pure, unexpurgated contents of my brain you’re reading every day. Unfiltered, uncensored, completely truthful. (Well, okay, regarding the latter, I might omit to mention a few things, but that’s not exactly the same as lying.) A couple of people have commented to me over the course of the past thousand days that they’re impressed by my ability to just lay my soul bare on the page like that, to confess to things that others might find difficult to talk about. For me, though, it’s actually something of a relief to be able to talk about a lot of these things, be it my depression and social anxiety or my enjoyment of visual novels that, in many cases, have bonking in them. This blog has been a good “friend”, as it were, providing me with a place to empty my brain of all the thoughts that have been floating around with it over the course of each day, and in the process I have made a few actual friends who have either related to the things I’ve written or just found them interesting. Which is, you know, nice.

More after the jump — it’s a long one. (That’s what she said, etc.)

Continue reading “This is my 1,000th daily post on this blog” →

#oneaday Day 991: Last Man Standing

So, having hit one thousand daily posts before me (he did start first), Mr Ian Dransfield has officially bowed out of the daily blogging business. I don’t blame him at all — he notes that the prospect of continuing even on a weekly basis feels like “giving myself work I don’t want to do” so has chosen instead to jack it in altogether. A hearty congratulations to him for having put up with it for so long, though — a thousand daily posts is a massive amount of stuff to evacuate from your head on to the page. Believe me, I know.

Since I’m coming up behind Ian and closing in on that elusive post number 1,000 as the last man standing, this has naturally got me thinking about the whole business, too. Specifically, it has me thinking to myself “is it worth still doing this? Am I actually enjoying it?”

And, I have to conclude once again — this isn’t the first time I’ve asked myself this question — that “yes” is the answer to both of those questions. In the last 991 days, I don’t think there’s been a single time that I’ve resented my self-imposed obligation to write this blog. There have been days where it’s been difficult to think of something to write, sure, and there have been days where other distractions have meant I haven’t written it until a ridiculous hour in the morning (I think 4am was the latest after having watched several episodes of Firefly while in conversation with someone over the Internet) but I’ve certainly never felt like it was an unwelcome obligation. Quite the opposite, in fact — although it usually ends up being the last thing I do each day, it’s something I often find myself thinking about over the course of the day’s activities and looking forward to actually sitting down and writing. It is, as I’ve said many times before, a cathartic means of self-expression for me, with the happy bonus that I’ve got to know a number of thoroughly pleasant people in the process. Moreover, a number of people who already knew me have got to know things about me that they might not have done otherwise.

Like Ian, my life has changed immeasurably since I started writing this blog. I have changed jobs several times — going from primary school teacher to unemployed bum to part-time, low-paid games journalist to legitimate, properly-paid games journalist. My relationship status has changed several times — my wife and I split, signalling the start of the darkest period I’ve ever been through in my life; I met someone, that didn’t work out; I met Andie, that did work out (right? Hopefully. OH GOD WHAT IF— [*slap* — the Rational Part of Pete’s Brain]). I went to America several times for various reasons (PAX East, family time). I’ve moved several times — from Southampton back to my childhood home in Cambridgeshire, then onward to my current situation in Wiltshire (and hopefully back to Southampton at some point in the near future). I’ve re-established contact with some friends; lost touch with others. And I’ve discovered anime.

Alongside all these various upheavals, the one constant in my life has been this silly little corner of the Internet that I call my own, with the tens of thousands of words I’ve tapped onto it at ungodly hours in the morning, usually from my own computer, but sometimes from my phone, sometimes my tablet, sometimes my netbook. This blog has been someone I can always “talk to”, to offload thoughts and memories both pleasant and painful, and to share those things with anyone who will listen. It’s been an immeasurably valuable experience for me, and thus I have absolutely no intention of stopping right now.

I realise that by saying all these things now I am effectively sabotaging my own “YAY 1,000 POSTS” post, but eh, whatever. With Ian’s departure from the journey, it felt timely to say them now. Doubtless inspiration will hit me at about 2am on Day 1,000 and I’ll have something amazing to share with you.

Until then, though, it’s business as usual, I’m afraid. Thanks for continuing to read, like and comment, and I’ll see you again tomorrow!