#oneaday Day 179: Your occasional reminder that AI can fuck off

I saw a TV ad for “Apple Intelligence” yesterday. The concept of the ad is that someone is angry someone at their workplace keeps stealing their pudding — hahaha, so hilarious and cosy and relatable — and writes them a furious email. They then click the “Friendly” button on Apple Intelligence and the email is rewritten to be the most milquetoast, handwringy, insincere thing you’ve ever seen. And this is supposed to be a selling point.

Elsewhere, a YouTuber I know had someone in their comments getting pissy about how they pronounced “ZX81”, and, presumably in an attempt to further their argument, the commenter in question then copy-pasted a ChatGPT conversation — without editing out the “ChatGPT says:” bits — that didn’t even particularly help their cause.

I keep seeing YouTube thumbnails made with AI art-stealing machines. Coca-Cola made a Christmas ad with AI. The memorial lunch for beloved broadcaster Steve Wright had an invitation that was made with AI. Entire websites are made of AI slop. And even here in fucking WordPress, I can’t escape the sodding “Generate with AI” button.

I fucking hate it. I want it to go away. I want people who say “but it’s good for summarising things” to drown in the sea. I want people who say “but it’s better than doctors at diagnosing problems!” to be the victims of the worst malpractice the medical industry has ever seen. I wish eternal loneliness and desolation on those who use it to write emails. And I want it out of the pieces of software I use on a daily basis.

We’re even starting to get accounts on BlueSky that pretend to be real people, but simply respond with ChatGPT answers that are tuned to be deliberately argumentative. What is the fucking point of all this shit? How is it benefiting humanity and productivity in any way whatsoever?

It isn’t. All it’s doing is continuing to make tech worse, year on year, while keeping oblivious shareholders — who aren’t interested in anything but seeing “growth” — happy that companies are providing supposed “new innovations” that actually don’t provide any sort of useful functionality whatsoever.

I’m aware I’m ranting incoherently, but honestly right now it feels like it’s pointless to even try and come up with a cogent argument. This shit is infesting everything, and it’s becoming impossible to escape from. And I legitimately do not understand how anyone can possibly think this shit is in any way better than what we had before.

I guess the one upside is that with how much AI is being used pointlessly to provide “summaries” of Google Searches, YouTube videos and other such shite, the planet will burn down all the sooner, so eventually we won’t have to worry about it at all. Then the Great Thinkers of the day — assuming anyone survives — can stroke their chins for two hundred years about “where it all went wrong”.

Here. Here is where it all went wrong.

Want to read my thoughts on various video games, visual novels and other popular culture things? Stop by MoeGamer.net, my site for all things fun where I am generally a lot more cheerful. And if you fancy watching some vids on classic games, drop by my YouTube channel.

#oneaday Day 76: Nopegrade

I’m due a phone upgrade. This is probably the first time I’ve come to that point and haven’t been tempted to immediately get a new shiny phone. And the reason? So many of the latest models appear to be absolutely rammed to the gills with “AI” features I don’t want anything to do with.

And it’s a shame, because some of these phones do otherwise look good. The Google Pixel 9 looks like it has an excellent camera, for example, and that’s pretty high up my list of priorities these days. The newest Samsung devices also look quite nice, and having had a Samsung device for my last couple of phones, I’d be quite happy to go with them.

If it wasn’t for the bloody AI crap, that is. I know I could just “not use it”, but that’s not really the point. I don’t really want to send any sort of message that AI junk is something that I’m interested in in the slightest, and my concern is people happily jumping on with Google Pixel 9 and “just trying out” Gemini will just prolong the amount of time we all have to suffer with AI garbage being jammed into places we don’t want it.

I’m sure there are some “valid” uses for AI, but honestly, I don’t really see the usefulness right now. Earlier on, I watched a Marques Brownlee review of the Google Pixel 9, and everything that was “AI-powered” seemed very superfluous and unnecessary. An on-phone image generator? Cool, now I can steal artwork wherever I am in the world! An assistant I can talk to about what I should do about a wasp infestation? I’d rather talk to a real person that doesn’t hallucinate, thanks. The ability to turn on my lights with my voice? 1) I can already do that with several other devices and 2) I don’t want to do that. The ability to insert myself into a photo I wasn’t in? Cool, now I can create “memories” of things that didn’t actually happen. I’m sure that’s healthy.

It’s the voice stuff that really gets me. I genuinely do not understand how any of that is desirable. How is getting an Amazon Alexa, Google Gemini or whatever to read out your email headers better than tapping on the email icon and looking at them? How is getting a device to give you a “daily briefing” better than just doing a quick round of your favourite websites to check on the headlines? How is bellowing “SET A TIMER FOR THREE MINUTES… no, THREE minutes. THREE. MINUTES.” better than going to the clock app and typing the number “3”?

It isn’t. These things are all gimmicks. They’re not actually useful. The grand dream is presumably some sort of omniscient, omnipresent Star Trek-style capital-C Computer that we can call upon to dispense its knowledge and information wherever we are at any time of day. But we’re not there yet. We’re not even close to being there yet, with how unreliable and hallucination-prone modern AI still is. And if reports are to be believed, we’ve already pretty much hit a cap on how good the current “AI” tech can get, because the various models are already starting to feed on themselves, making hallucinations more likely, not less likely, as they inadvertently guzzle up AI-generated swill rather than material that has had a human involved at any point during its creation.

And it disgusts me to see how many publishing companies are gleefully signing up to feed their writers’ work into ChatGPT, almost certainly without consulting the actual writers for their consent beforehand. Today it was Condé Nast. Previously it was Vox Media. And I’m sure there’s a lot more all over the place, too.

I cannot wait for this odious trend to be over. And I suspect it will be over within a few years, as the money is almost certainly going to run out. None of these models are sustainable; none of them have a “killer app” that convinces naysayers that actually, AI might be quite good after all; none of them even really have a marketable product beyond “look at this thing that might one day be able to do something vaguely useful (but doesn’t just yet)”.

The sooner that fucking sparkly magic icon goes away, the better.

#oneaday Day 53: Our AI-powered dystopian garbage future

I was unfortunately exposed to this video today:

For those who quite understandably can’t bring themselves to watch it based on the thumbnail and source alone, it’s a video about how a dad is super-proud of his daughter and her athletics ability, but how he also knows that his daughter idolises an Olympic athlete. All seemingly wholesome and nice on the surface, until the main point of the ad: the Dad gets Google Gemini (which is Google’s ChatGPT-esque chatbot interface) to write the athlete in question a “fan letter” that is supposedly from his daughter.

It’s difficult to know exactly where to start with how fucked up this is. But I think as good a place as any is to point out that written communication between people has always been a means of direct, personal contact — particularly if it’s via what is seen as a medium that takes a bit more effort, such as a handwritten letter. Of course, chances are that if the “fan letter” ever made it to the athlete in question, any response would probably be a carefully vetted template from a PR representative rather than the athlete herself, which sticks something of a pin in the “direct, personal contact” thing, but that’s no reason that regular people who aren’t PR consultants should auto-generate things that are supposed to be personal.

If someone inspires you, you presumably respect them. And if you respect them, you should demonstrate that respect by making an appropriate effort when attempting to contact them. And getting an AI to write a fan letter for you is the height of disrespect. It tells the recipient that you don’t even respect them enough to communicate with them in your own words. It tells them that you would rather get a machine to handle your communication than “waste time” writing things yourself.

“But what about people who aren’t able to write?” you may ask. To that I would point out that in order to get Google Gemini to write something, you still have to write a fucking prompt for it, and if you’re capable of doing that you’re capable of writing a letter. They teach how to do that in primary school. At least they used to.

There are myriad other ways to get your point across without getting garbage generative AI involved, even if you’re incapable of holding a pen or typing on a keyboard. There’s voice recognition, allowing you to still communicate in your own words without typing. Or you can get someone to help you — remember other people? Remember how to speak to them? Or do you need ChatGPT for that too? I’m a socially anxious autistic recluse and I can still talk to a person if I absolutely have to, and on more than one occasion I have sent some form of personal message to someone who genuinely inspires me, all in my own words.

We absolutely should not normalise the use of AI to craft even form responses to emails. I used to get mildly offended when a pal of mine used the “auto-respond” text message facility on his phone, which would send a rather blunt “Answer is YES” or “Answer is NO” SMS on his behalf if he couldn’t be bothered to type a full message, but at least in that instance I know he had at least read my message and considered whether to respond in the affirmative or negative.

AI zealots seem to think that garbage like this is going to revolutionise communication between human beings, making it “more efficient” or some such bullshit. But all it’s going to do is remove any semblance of personality from an individual’s method of communication with you — something which is already somewhat at risk as a result of the homogenisation of culture brought about by the Internet. Look at how many people fall back on the same memes and turn of phrase these days rather than communicating in their own individual fashion, using their background and location as a means of making their communication unique. Now imagine even that layer of personalisation being taken away, with everyone “communicating” with one another using that smug, pretentious tone all AI chatbots appear to have developed.

“You’re just resistant to change!” Yes, I am, if that “change” is demonstrably harmful to the way we interact with one another and our culture in general. Anyone who uses AI to communicate with someone rather than drafting an email, chat message or social media post themselves is an inconsiderate, disrespectful asshole, and I will absolutely not shift my opinion on this. I will, however, point and laugh.

So fuck off with your “Gemini” garbage, Google. And Mr Man’s little girl? Tell your father to go fuck himself, punch him in the balls hard enough that he doesn’t have any more children, and go write something yourself, with a pen. I can guarantee that your idol Sydney will find that far more meaningful and emotionally worthwhile than what is effectively a form letter that you didn’t even write the prompt for.

#oneaday Day 19: The AI Rot

Look at this bastard little icon. You probably see it every day right now. Hell, I see it every time I pop open the WordPress toolbar, because Automattic, makers of WordPress and Jetpack (back-end technology that helps WordPress sites do what they do) are cramming it in absolutely fucking everywhere, just like every other tech company is right now. No-one asked for this, no-one wants it, no-one is happy with the results it produces.

And yet, look at that bastard little icon. Such promise it carries in its little sparkly starbursts! The suggestion that magic is about to happen! The implication that, were you just to click that bastard little icon, creativity will be magically produced from nothing, allowing you to truly express yourself without any of that pesky “thinking”! You will truly be once and for all free!

As a creative type, naturally I object to generative AI being jammed in everywhere that it doesn’t belong. I’ll admit to having found some uses of it potentially interesting — music generation is intriguing, feeling like a step onwards from a program we used to have on the Atari ST called “Band In A Box” — but whatever use case I come across, it’s hard to shake the feeling that its only real use is to enable laziness, and to prevent having to pay a real person for doing the creative work that is their specialism. (The actual computing and environmental cost of such tech doesn’t matter to AI zealots, of course.)

That’s not to say there’s no money in AI, mind; no, by golly, the big tech companies are falling over themselves to hoover up investor cash right now, and every big generative AI site features some sort of predatory monetisation system, usually involving “credits” that obfuscate how much you’re actually paying, and/or “monthly” subscriptions that are actually charged annually, because apparently that’s just a thing you can lie about now and no-one calls you on it.

I think one of the clearest signals I’ve felt that AI bullshit has gone too far is its encroachment into pornography. It’s now easier than ever to produce “deepfake” pornography featuring people who have not consented to appear in pornographic material. Of course, AI-generated slop has plenty of telltale signs, still, but the fact this stuff exists at all was already cause for concern even before it was easy to produce it.

On top of that, sites that were once about posting collections of erotic art and animations from artists, movies, anime series and video games are now overflowing with AI-generated swill; a cursory glance at e-hentai’s front page earlier revealed a multitude of galleries tagged with “[AI Generated]”, making them virtually worthless. Of course, e-hentai and sites like it already skirt the borders of morality by often including artwork artists intend to be kept behind Patreon, skeb or Fantia paywalls — but many of these galleries seem to suggest that there are a significant number of individuals out there attempting to position themselves as “artists” when all they are, in fact, doing is plugging prompts into an AI model that doesn’t chastise them in a patronising way when requesting erotic material.

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of Jetpack emailing me to join an AI “webinar”, I’m sick of ClickUp, the productivity tool we use at work, constantly spamming me about some AI feature I don’t care about, I’m sick of the breathless zealotry from the cryptobros who have found the next big thing to latch onto before it all inevitably comes tumbling down in burning wreckage… and I’m sick of the uneasiness that I’m sure anyone in a vaguely creative field is feeling right now.

And I’m not sure it’s going to go away for a while. Big Tech seems determined to make “AI” a thing. And while I’m not averse to actual, helpful uses of it — which I’m yet to see a convincingly working example of that can’t be better fulfilled by other, existing methods — I think we all know that with the people we have in charge, those actual, helpful uses are inevitably going to take a back seat to ways of screwing poor old Joe Public and his friend Struggling Artist out of their hard-earned money more than anything else.

(Aside: I tried running this article through Jetpack’s stupid “AI Assistant” to “get suggestions on how to enhance my post to better engage my audience”, and the thing just crashed. Good show!)

So fuck that bastard little icon. Take your magic sparkles and jam them right up your robotic arse. The only things allowed to sparkle like that are fairies and ponies, and AI is neither of those things. So into the trash it goes, so far as I’m concerned.

#oneaday Day 7: Suggested Content

One of the “innovations” of modern tech and software that I am most consistently baffled by is the concept of “Suggestions”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am under no illusions as to what “Suggested Content” really means on websites and social media platforms (it’s advertising, in case you somehow weren’t savvy enough to know that by now) but I’m talking more in contexts where it’s not obviously advertising, or where it doesn’t make sense for advertising to try and worm its way into places.

Places like, you know, just Microsoft Windows in general. Or Google Drive. Both of those have features where they provide you with a list of “Suggested” files, and I absolutely, genuinely do not understand why that feature is there or what it is for. Right now, for example, my Google Drive “Suggested files” list is a non-chronological index of things that I have opened or edited recently. Fine, you might say, except there is a perfectly good “Recent” option in the sidebar which does give me a chronological list of things I have opened or edited recently.

Likewise, the Windows 11 start menu on my “work” computer (it came preinstalled, otherwise I would have been quite happy continuing with 10 as I do with my “play” computer) appears to “suggest” applications almost completely at random, with its first two suggestions usually being the things I have installed most recently, and the others being… pretty much anything that I have installed, for no discernible reason.

Under certain circumstances, I get the idea. When it comes to media, a “suggestion” feature might inspire you to look at photos or listen to music that you haven’t enjoyed for a while — though this can also backfire somewhat. Earlier today, my phone’s “Gallery” app decided to send me an unasked-for notification that I presume someone somewhere thought was “cute”, with the text “Feline footprints in Southampton”. The attached image? Our dearly departed cat Meg. I’m still quite upset about Meg’s passing, so I emphatically do not want my phone randomly bringing her up out of the blue for no apparent reason. I will look at pictures of her when I’m good and ready, thanks very much.

The push for “AI” in everything is only making this shit worse, too; the Gallery app on my phone recognising that the image in question was a picture of a cat is a result of improving image recognition technology, and I suspect as generative AI becomes more and more pervasive and invasive in our daily online life, situations like this are only going to become more and more common — because you can bet your bippy that all these “Suggestion” features are going to be turned on by default.

What happens when your phone decides to “suggest” a photo of something you’d rather keep private at an exceedingly inappropriate moment? Well, some might say you should keep your private photos private, but realistically, practically speaking, most people these days are not that organised, because we’ve made the mistake of trusting our software and online services to do the organisation for us. I actually like the fact that Google Photos can pick out, say, pictures of cats, or pictures that mention something specific in a piece of text, because that is indisputably useful — but what I don’t want is my phone going “HEY REMEMBER YOUR CAT THAT DIED? HUH? HERE SHE IS, I PICKED HER OUT FROM ALL YOUR PHOTOS, AREN’T I SMART?”

There’s a place for some — some — of the innovations that are currently going on in tech. But, as always, it seems we’re going to have to endure a period of people pushing things to absolute breaking point before we settle into something approaching a useful routine. And, unfortunately, that period appears to have been going on for quite a while now… and people don’t seem to be willing to push back against the more unreasonable uses of these features.

“Suggested Content” can get in the fucking bin. I know what I need on my computer and when. And, more often than not, when I’m browsing the Web, I know what I’m looking for, too. Sadly, it feels increasingly unlikely that I’m going to be left in peace these days.

If anyone mentions Linux, they are getting a slap.

#oneaday, Day 140: Being An Asshole

Every time there is a “new advance” in AI for video games, the first question a lot of people ask is “how human is it?” How does it compare to playing against a real, actual, human person? A gaming-related Turing Test, if you will. And the answer is always “it’s not very human”. There’s one reason for this – computers can’t be assholes.

I was playing Blur multiplayer tonight and the one thing that struck me is how much of an asshole players online can be. That’s not a criticism, by the way. In fact, the sheer assholeness of a lot of online Blur players makes multiplayer races a pretty thrilling experience. And the AI players in the single-player, while frustrating, aren’t assholes. They never drop a mine directly behind a powerup so you grab the powerup and then explode. They never use a Barge to knock you off a cliff. They never swerve into you at the start line and bash you into a wall. They never wait until the home straight to launch a mine right up your arse and sail past in the last half-a-second of the race. They never park sideways across a narrow bit of track just to get in the way.

This sort of creative sadism which online Blur players have developed is what makes the multiplayer so much more appealing than the single-player mode. It’s really interesting to see the tactics that people have obviously developed independently without any prompting from the game. The “trapping a powerup” thing, for example. The AI players never do that. It’s never suggested you do it in the loading-screen tips. But it’s, when you think about it, a smart idea. Everyone is clamouring for powerups throughout every race. So why not make the more desirable ones rather more difficult to get?

This is a different sort of assholeness to the kind of 13-year-olds who scream racist, homophobic abuse down their headsets during games of Modern Warfare 2 (which they shouldn’t be playing anyway, but of course, that’s another conversation) – this is a stubborn, passionate desire to win at any cost bar cheating, rather than a stubborn, passionate desire to be a dick. And it’s fun. You can’t help getting involved. Watch other people playing Blur and all you want to do is out-asshole them. Get someone with a carefully-placed mine, or accurately slam a backward-fired Shunt into their face while they’re slipstreaming you and it’s immensely satisfying.

In fact, Blur as a whole is set up for being an asshole. Take the social gaming features I discussed the other day. What possible reason could there be for posting information about how well you’re doing other than to make other people think “I need to take that asshole down a peg or two”?

The reason, of course, that AI in single-player games being a perfectly accurate representation of a human is not necessarily a desirable thing is this: sometimes we like to win. And if you’re playing against 19 other assholes, most of whom are more of an asshole than you, very often you don’t win. That’s all very well, and competitive and so on… but if you’re playing by yourself, you want to win, don’t you? So that’s why I can say with some confidence that I really, really hope AI doesn’t ever improve to a level where it’s indistinguishable from a human. Because I like to beat it sometimes. And I’ve played over 60 online races in Blur now… and won two of them!