1219: Yes, The Third Xbox Really Is Called ‘Xbox One’

May 21 -- Xbox OneSo Microsoft announced the third-generation Xbox console today, and just to confuse everyone they called it the Xbox One. I can’t quite make up my mind whether this is more or less stupid than the “Xbox 720” moniker that everyone inexplicably latched onto a while back, but the fact remains that it’s a stupid name. And not stupid in the same way that the Wii has a stupid name; no, calling the third Xbox “Xbox One” is stupid in that it is misleading and confusing. Have Microsoft learned nothing from Nintendo’s apparent difficulty at communicating that the Wii U is a completely separate system from the Wii?

It seems not. And apparently Microsoft are not particularly keen to learn from anything either — least of all the general buzz surrounding the machine prior to its official reveal today.

No mention was made of the rumoured “always online” requirement, at least — though that doesn’t mean it won’t be there, of course — but in possibly the biggest facepalm news of the day, it was revealed by Wired that the Xbox One will indeed feature some anti-used games technology — not an outright block as was originally rumoured, thankfully, but instead an apparent requirement that all games be installed, and that once a game is installed it is tied to a single “account”. Other “accounts” (and it’s not clear whether this refers to a single console or literally a single user) may install and run the game by paying a fee. It’s not yet been announced what this fee will be… but it’s there.

Here’s the quote from Wired:

There’s one feature of Xbox One from which we can infer quite a few conclusions: You can install any game from the disc to the console’s hard drive, and then play that game whenever you like without having to put the disc in.

Wired asked Microsoft if installation would be mandatory. “On the new Xbox, all game discs are installed to the HDD to play,” the company responded in an emailed statement. Sounds mandatory to us.

What follows naturally from this is that each disc would have to be tied to a unique Xbox Live account, else you could take a single disc and pass it between everyone you know and copy the game over and over. Since this is clearly not going to happen, each disc must then only install for a single owner.

Microsoft did say that if a disc was used with a second account, that owner would be given the option to pay a fee and install the game from the disc, which would then mean that the new account would also own the game and could play it without the disc.

But what if a second person simply wanted to put the disc in and play the game without installing – and without paying extra? In other words, what happens to our traditional concept of a “used game”? This is a question for which Microsoft did not yet have an answer, and is surely something that game buyers (as well as renters and lenders) will want to know. (Update: Microsoft called Wired after this story was originally published to say that the company did have a plan for used games, and that further details were forthcoming.)

Some of that quote is, of course, drawing conclusions from the things that Microsoft said (and, for that matter, didn’t say) but the fact that this “fee” is present at all is further evidence of the growing anti-consumer trend in the mainstream gaming industry. Between all the stupid preorder bonuses, season passes, DLC that should have been part of the game in the first place, Online Passes (recently discontinued by EA — now we know why!), the “business” side of things is not presently particularly friendly to the people who, ultimately, hand over the money at the end of the day: the consumers.

The fact that Microsoft implemented this system at all is utterly bewildering. Surely someone at the company noticed the overwhelmingly negative attitudes expressed towards even the slightest rumour that the new Xbox would either block or restrict access to used games. There is absolutely no way that no-one at Microsoft would have noticed this — which means that they’ve taken an executive decision to simply ignore public opinion. This smacks of arrogance — and of pride before a fall. Although there are already Microsoft apologists in comments sections across the land saying that they “don’t mind” this proposed “fee” system, there are significant numbers of people saying they will jump ship to Sony if this is the way that things are going to be.

Sony learned this lesson the hard way after enjoying the huge success of the PS2 and then falling on their asses when they tried to overreach with the PS3 — something they still haven’t quite recovered from. That left room for Nintendo to swoop in and corner the market with the technologically-inferior Wii, and then for Microsoft to catch up with its successful courting of the casual gaming “dudebro” contingent who play little more than Call of Duty and Madden. While Microsoft has built itself a considerable degree of brand loyalty over the last few years, they’re in serious danger of “core gamers” (ugh) leaving them in favour of the PS4 if they’re not careful.

But perhaps this doesn’t worry them at all. The Xbox brand has gone from a hulking dark grey slab that featured a warning not to drop it on children in its manual (really) to an all-in-one entertainment solution with an appalling interface and an all-but-mandatory subscription fee if you want to do anything vaguely cool with it. People are still buying the 360 even though its user experience has gradually got significantly worse over the years — and despite a proven track record of hardware failure. The Call of Duty loyalists still see their beloved game as an Xbox-centric title. With all these people, perhaps they don’t need the support of the more dedicated gamers who want to do more than indulge in brown-tinted manshoots. Perhaps the Xbox One will be little more than a Call of Duty machine so far as games are concerned.

To be honest, if that happens, it’s actually fine with me — it saves me a few hundred quid. It’s just a bit sad that what should be something exciting — new consoles for the first time in quite a long while! — is instead reacted to with caution and cynicism rather than genuine enthusiasm. How the times have changed.

I’ll revisit my opinion on the Xbox One once I see some games for it. But for now, Microsoft have done a very bad job of selling it to me — someone who has been playing games since he was old enough to pick up a joystick. And I’m not alone in that viewpoint.

#oneaday, Day 343: Boxing Day

Christmas is over for another year, and so here we are on Boxing Day (or actually the day after if you’re operating on UK time)—a day which apparently isn’t particularly well-known in the US. In all honesty, it’s not particularly well-known in the UK, either, aside from the name. It’s just “the day after Christmas”.

There’s plenty of things that can be done on Boxing Day, and they tend to vary according to your age.

If you’re a young kid, Boxing Day is a day to spend playing with all the presents you got and suffering from some pretty severe analysis paralysis while you work out what to do next. When you have the amount of choice most kids get these days after receiving a veritable truckload of presents, it’s easy to see how they might get overwhelmed with things to choose from.

If you’re a bit older, Boxing Day is probably a day for a hangover, whether it be caused by excess of alcohol, excess of food or, more likely, both. It also marks the beginning of The Great Leftovers Season, by the end of which you will never, ever want to see turkey ever again, whether it’s on a plate with potatoes and gravy, stuffed into a sandwich, made into a curry or whatever vaguely inventive ways you’ve come up with to use turkey. Turkey is, of course, a meat which barely gets eaten throughout the rest of the year. Is this because it’s just like an enormous dry chicken? Or is it because we eat so much of it throughout the holiday season that no-one can bear the thought of eating it again at any point in the rest of the year?

It’s a pretty universal constant whatever your age, though, that the day after Christmas is for resting, sleeping, lolling on the couch (the original meaning of lolling, not the Internet meaning) and watching the DVDs that were inevitably in your Christmas stockings.

There’s an exception, though: households which got a Wii or Kinect for Christmas. The Wii and Kinect get people up and about a little bit more than they would otherwise be, since they’re popular gifts with kids and adults alike, and they require that you get off your turkey-filled ass and jump around. Quite literally in the case of Kinect.

Incidentally, if you are still a Kinect doubter, I defy you not to at least find the damn thing clever as hell. Yesterday we were trying it out and didn’t have enough space to play with two people on Kinect Adventures, so we moved the couch back a bit. By the time we’d turned back to the screen, the game was asking if we’d like to play two-player mode. Without us telling it. Witchcraft and sorcery!

Hope you’ve all had a suitably festive festive season and have some appropriately awesome plans for the new year. 2011 better not suck as much as 2010, though I recall saying something very similar at the end of 2009 so I’m not going to hold my breath until something actually awesome happens!

#oneaday, Day 311: Monstrosities of the Indie Marketplace

As I have mentioned once or twice previously, the Xbox LIVE Indie Games Marketplace is a veritable treasure-trove of unappreciated hidden gems of gaming.

It’s also an uncleaned litter tray of some of the worst fecal matter you’ll ever have the misfortune to play. Still, all credit to those developers for actually finishing a project and getting out there for the public to at least try out. And if they sell just one “pity copy”, then they can call themselves a professional game developer.

Even if their game is one of the following, which I have exhaustively researched (well, played the trials of) in order to bring you today’s blog post, featuring the very worst the Indie Marketplace has to offer.

Well, perhaps not the very worst. I was highly scientific in the games I chose: I picked the ones with the ugliest or cheesiest cover art on the marketplace or, in one case, the most hilarious title. And here are my results.

Spring Break in Zombie USA

This game promises “action” and “driving”. In practice, it’s a twin-stick shooter where you have to press a fire button as well as move the right-stick, and occasionally you jump into a car and drive up a vertically-scrolling road that is completely straight with no obstacles on it whatsoever.

The concept is that you are racing down to Spring Break to rescue your sister, who has, as these things tend to go, got stuck in a zombie apocalypse. It’s up to you, as either a long-haired rocker dude or a pimped-out black guy with a bitchin’ hat (presumably it’s an adoptive sister to one or both of them) to shoot lots of MS Paint zombies that take entirely too many bullets to take down and move too fast for you to be able to escape or kill them before they “get” you.

Oh well. At least the soundtrack is actually reasonably good, at least on the title screen.

Pie Collect

The title of this one is extremely literal. You play a small orb known as a “sweeper”, whose job it is to collect pies, which are inexplicably floating in space. Collecting a pie releases an evil orb, which moves back and forth or up and down across the screen. There are a few powerups, but you only have one life.

It has a certain Crystal Quest-esque charm about it, but any challenge in the game is entirely negated by the “safe zone” at the bottom of the screen, represented by a picnic blanked that is also inexplicably floating in space, and allows you to safely navigate around all the orbs, putting you at minimal risk.

A Game you can’t BEAT!!

Erratic capitalisation is as the game represents itself on the Marketplace. This is essentially one of those Impossible Game-style things where you control some sort of inanimate object/shape and have to jump and not die. In this case, you control one of three different balls, and there is a simultaneous two-player mode.

It’s extremely difficult but there is little to no incentive to try again, though there are a few quasi-Achievement medals to chase in the full version. But when the “Easy course” repeatedly kills you after approximately eight seconds every time, that’s just taking difficulty a little too far.

Valet Parking, Inc.

This one wins the “cheesiest artwork” award, with a girl in a “sexy parking attendant” costume on the cover art who clearly has nothing to do with the game whatsoever beside a rough association with the theme of the game, which is parking cars.

It’s actually a moderately-interesting idea for a game. Cars show up, you park them wherever you like, keep an eye on the clock and give them back to appropriately-coloured customers when they return. You also have “hunger” and “stamina” meters that gradually deplete as you run around and spend time doing your job, so you have to take a break every so often.

Trouble is, the cars handle really weirdly. They seem to rotate around their back wheels, which makes controlling them somewhat troublesome. They also have a weird acceleration curve that goes “slow… slow… slow… SUDDENLY FAST”

The graphics are entertainingly mid-90s pre-rendered, too. And the in-game clock can’t handle times that have “00” as the minutes value, so the clock moves from “12:59” straight to “13:01”, for example.

Still, with a bit of polish this could actually be a moderately fun “time management” game. You can tell it’s the best by the fact I’ve written more than two paragraphs on it.

Super Janitoroid

Obviously intended to be some sort of Super Metroid spoof, this game stars an Aussie janitor represented by a crudely-drawn body with a digitised head atop it. He is armed with a badly-drawn mop which can attack horizontally and vertically, and there’s a large map to explore in a Metroid stylee.

It also has one of the most horrendously awful frame rates I’ve ever seen on an Xbox 360 game, which makes your eyes go squiffy after a while. Assuming they haven’t already gone squiffy from the bizarre graphics.

Techno Kitten Adventure

Save the best for last. Techno Kitten Adventure is a single-button game in which you control a kitten with a jetpack as it attempts to fly around a series of box-shaped obstacles.

The twist with this game is the horrendously awful Euro-dance soundtrack which is annoyingly catchy. This fact is made even worse by the titter-inducing fact that the background animates according to the lyrics of the song, featuring rainbows flowing past, falling stars, throbbing techno laser light shows and lots and lots of flashing lights.

This game is worth playing purely to see its hilarious “interactive music video” nature. Thankfully, you don’t actually have to play it, as the song and background animation continue even while you’re waiting at the “press A to start” screen, meaning you can watch the whole thing without having to purchase the game. Which is probably for the best.

So there you go. I’ve played those games so you don’t have to. I hope you appreciate the sacrifices that I’ve made for you. And you really should play Techno Kitten Adventure to appreciate its horrendous…ness.

I’m trying not to be too harsh on these games, though. Because the thing is, I couldn’t make something half as good as Techno Kitten Adventure. I wouldn’t know where to start with programming for the 360. So, as bizarre and, in some cases, awful as these games are, you should at least give the developers some props for getting out there, trying to make something and having the guts to release it to the world so people like me can rip them to shreds on blogs they’ll never read.

So fair play, guys. I’m sure it’s all good practice.

#oneaday, Day 288: Where’s The UK’s Netflix?

So the new Xbox Dashboard went live today. Pretty neat, isn’t it? Lots of new sound effects, a clean white aesthetic, Kinect compatibility and all manner of other goodies. In fact, let’s take a look at the list of new features, shall we?

  • Kinect Integration
  • ESPN on Xbox LIVE
  • Zune Music
  • Netflix Search
  • Improved voice chat quality
  • Improved Gamertag creation
  • Streamlined virtual keyboard
  • Improved wireless networking
  • Improved family settings

Pretty nice, I’m sure you’ll agree. Particularly if you’re an American, because here’s the list of new features I got in the email today:

  • Kinect Integration
  • Zune Music

Granted, some of the features that weren’t mentioned were fairly minor ones. But it’s still pretty clear that if you’re a European Xbox gamer, you’re missing out quite a bit on some of the things that make the Xbox and its LIVE service particularly appealing.

One of the biggest things us poor Europeans are missing out on is Netflix. I don’t watch many movies and thus feel rather ill-equipped to contribute to conversations that start with the words “Have you seen…”. The reason I don’t watch that many movies is that I have it in my mind that buying DVDs with movies on is a bit more of a waste of money than buying box sets of TV series that I’m more likely to watch several times. Once I’ve seen a movie, I tend not to watch it again unless I really, really loved it. As such, I don’t own many movies on DVD or Blu-Ray, and I rarely remember to get to the cinema in time to see movies while they’re on the big screen.

If I had access to a service like Netflix, however, I’d be more inclined to watch more movies, since paying a monthly fee for access to whatever I wanted seems like less like a waste of money than purchasing a DVD or Blu-Ray I might never watch ever again.

So then, Points of View, I ask why oh why oh why don’t we have a Netflix-like service here in the UK? The company LOVEFiLM (or however the hell they capitalise it) already offer a similar DVD rental-by-post system, as well as a streaming service via web browser. So isn’t it about time they pulled their fingers out of their celluloid arseholes and got on with integrating their service with the Xbox 360, PS3 and Wii? A huge number of households now have one or more of these devices hooked up to their fancy-pants HDTVs. So LoVeFILm would probably stand to make an absolute fortune from new subscriptions if they got on with integrating their service with various devices.

I’d go off on a similar rant about ESPN’s lack of appearance on the 360 in the UK too, but for me watching sport on TV is an experience only mildly less appealing than having my eyes pulled out through my bellend.

So… Netflix-or-UK-equivalent YES PLZ. I’m sure it’ll happen. Eventually. It’s just a shame we get it years behind you pesky Americans. YES, YOU. You are pesky. You may gloat in the fact that while we have the greatest condiment in the world (HP Sauce) you have an awesome streaming movie service available via your Xbox.

Hmm. I’m actually not sure which one I’d rather have, thinking about it…

#oneaday, Day 244: Halo? More Like…

I have a peculiar and complex relationship with the first-person shooter genre of gaming. On the one hand, I have very fond memories of growing up playing Wolfenstein 3D and Doom. In fact, as I may have shared before, such was my obsession with Wolfenstein 3D and the early days of the mod scene, that 10 of my levels are part of the official Apogee “Super Upgrades” expansion pack, a feat which netted me $200 and means that I can technically call myself a professional game developer.

On the other hand, I have vivid memories of playing Halo, Gears of War and Modern Warfare 2 and getting inordinately frustrated with sequences that are so difficult they require you to play, die, play, die, play, die, play, die, sometimes for hours at a time until you figure out the way to beat that particular sequence.

Such is the experience I’m having with Halo: Reach at the moment. There’s no denying it’s a great game, and the sheer amount of stuff that Bungie have crammed into the game is incredible. The fact that any mode can be played in multiplayer, and the fact that Forge World actually allows the construction of some truly hilarious structures, is enough to make me adore the game and praise its name for all eternity.

What was almost enough to make me fling it out of the window, though, was the Campaign mode. I had played through the mission called “The Long Night of Solace” and was reaching the end of it. Those who have played that mission will know it’s the awesome one that includes space combat. As a matter of fact, the space combat was so good I happily proclaimed on Twitter that I’d play a whole game based on that engine. And I stand by that. It was stunning. Not only that, it allowed a full 360 degrees of movement, which is practically unheard of in console-based space sims. So hats off to Bungie for that.

Unfortunately, all of the hard work that mission did to convince me that yes, Halo is not all that bad really, was promptly undone by the very last sequence of that mission. Here, you get jumped by about six Elite Specialist enemies, all of whom are armed with weapons that are quite capable of one-shot killing you. Not only that, but they spread out around the room so there is no place where you can find cover. Not only that, your companion who, it should be added, has an absolutely fucking massive gun and is invincible, is utterly useless at killing them, so of course it’s up to Muggins, sorry, Noble Six, to save the day.

I must have repeated that sequence a good thirty or forty times. By the end of it I was literally screaming obscenities at the television. I was very glad that no-one else was in the house.

“Well, then,” you may say. “Don’t play the Campaign mode. Play the stuff you do like.” But… Achievements…

In seriousness, I do kind of want to play the Campaign mode through to its conclusion because of my good friend Mr George Kokoris‘ regular assertions that Halo‘s lore is, in fact, far more in-depth and interesting that “OMG SPACE MARINEZ AND ALIENZ LOL”. And to be fair, thus far I’ve mostly enjoyed the Campaign. I just find it a pity that there are short sequences such as the one I’ve described above that (temporarily at least) spoil the experience. It causes a curious ping-ponging effect where I bounce back and forth between loving and hating the game. Sometimes I get stuck on the “hate” part, and it’s for that reason I never beat the original Gears of War and have no interest in the remainder of the series. There was one sequence that involved a sniper who repeatedly one-shotted me in that game that eventually caused me to turn it off, put it in its box, trade it in and never speak of it ever again except to slag it off.

Hopefully it won’t come to a fit of nerd rage with Reach. At least there’s plenty of other stuff to enjoy if the Campaign does get too much.

Microsoft at E3

Just finished watching the Microsoft E3 presentation. As most people could have predicted even before seeing what was on offer, reception was somewhat mixed.

Predictably, everyone creamed themselves over the Modern Warfare 2 trailer and gameplay footage which I, ever the rebel, remain relatively indifferent about, though it is remarkably pretty. Halo fanboys spooged copiously over ODST and the “secret” Halo title, Reach. This I am completely indifferent about. When Bungie said they had a “top secret” project to announce, I was hoping they were going to show a new Myth game or something like that… but no. Bungie make Halo and nothing else now, it seems. Fair play, it’s made them an awful lot of money but seriously guys, something new once in a while really wouldn’t go amiss.

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Other notable mentions went to Crackdown 2, sequel to the underrated open-world funfest from a while back – and for my money, one of the best implementations of co-op (or perhaps it should be more accurately called “concurrent play”, since you can both happily charge off in opposite directions if you want to) I’ve ever seen.

Then there was Splinter Cell: Conviction, which does look like it’s trying some revolutionary new tricks with presentation. Rather than having mission objectives and cutscenes taking players out of the action, many things appear “projected” on the walls, be these instructions or even flashback cutscenes. It was a really interesting approach, and the game looks to be supremely cinematic because of it. It’s certainly enough to get me interested in Splinter Cell again, a series I haven’t touched for quite some time.

sam-fisher

Then there was Alan Wake, a game which many were worrying had fallen into the abyss of vaporware. But no – we saw it, including some gameplay footage. It looks to be something of a cross between Max Payne and Silent Hill, with, like Splinter Cell, some interesting presentational features. Wake’s narration of the action hearkens back to Max Payne’s overblown drawl from his games, and the use of light and dark is reminiscent of some scenes in the Silent Hill series. It certainly looks incredible, too, and could well be the thing that makes 360 owners feel a bit better about not having Heavy Rain to play.

aw1

Kojima also snuck onto stage and dropped the fact that a new MGS game starring Raiden would be hitting 360, and Square showed off some FFXIII footage. Both will likely be great, but there was nothing there we hadn’t expected.

The main part of the keynote revolved around the Project Natal technology, which allows real-time motion capture and voice recognition, allowing players to interact with games without needing a controller. It was made very clear at the outset of the presentation that this was primarily intended to be a means by which non-gamers could be attracted to interactive entertainment – but of course, this hasn’t stopped hardcore gamers bitching and moaning as they always do.

Picture 7

We saw a number of demos, including some questionable real-time avatar motion capture and animation and a fun-looking tech demo called Ricochet (essentially body-controlled Breakout). We also saw how Natal will allow users to interact with the Dashboard in a distinctly Minority Report manner by swishing their hands around and, much to the disgust of Atheistium over at viera.nu, allow their avatars to try on girly clothes while having a video chat. (To be fair, this was pretty cringeworthy, but I don’t see it being a huge part of most gamers’ lives.)

It was Peter Molyneux’s work with Natal that provoked the most interest and curiosity, however. Presenting a virtual human called Milo, he demonstrated the capabilities of Natal along with software by showing someone interacting with Milo by speaking naturally and using realistic gestures to interact with the virtual world. At one point, Milo invites the player to look into the water and a real reflection of the player appears on-screen, with the ripples in the water responding to their “touch”. It was a pretty incredible sight, and a glimpse of what the future might hold, especially for games like Oblivion. (Thanks to Ajguy for suggesting this.) Imagine being able to hold a naturalistic conversation with an NPC rather than tediously clicking through a list of topics.

Picture 8

As I mentioned earlier, reception has been mixed. Natal is undoubtedly amazing technology (assuming it works) but the self-professes “hardcore gamers” of the world are already up in arms about “dumbing down”. But the fact is, just like the Wii is not a system for these people, Natal and its features are not designed for this audience. What Natal will allow Microsoft to do is broaden their audience from the core of gamers to families and other non-gamers. With the introduction of other services on the Dashboard such as last.fm, instant-on 1080p movies (I remain cynical about this, given the general crapness of my connection) and live TV from Sky, the aim is very much to turn the Xbox from a simple games system to an all-purpose multimedia box that sits under the television as the centrepiece of your digital life.

I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. No-one suggested once that hardcore gamers would be left out in the cold – quite the contrary, in fact, with the announcement of big titles like Modern Warfare 2, Crackdown 2, Left 4 Dead 2 (yayz!) and numerous others. What Natal will do is simply open up the field of interactive entertainment to more people. If all they want to do is prance around like a pillock in front of their TV, then let them. But there’s always the possibility that they’ll get interested enough in the hobby to join the growing number of gamers out there and enjoy this rapidly-changing medium.

I think that’s quite a pleasant image of the future, in fact. Let’s see what happens.