1250: Anger Leads to Suffering

I’ve been back on Twitter for a little while. I know I said I wouldn’t, but for professional reasons, it made sense to have it as a means of communication now I’m on USgamer — I’ve already managed to get in touch with a number of different devs and write stories thanks to that bloody service.

Twitter remains infuriating, however, because people still don’t quite seem to get that 140 characters is not a good amount of space in which to have a discussion. You can spill over into more and more tweets and rant on and on, but as soon as you start spamming like that, people switch off.

The other thing that Twitter encourages is kneejerk, usually furious responses. Sometimes these are justified; other times, all they do is damage the perception of the people who are trying to make otherwise coherent arguments.

By far the most consistently-occurring issues that come up in my Twitter feed are matters relating to any and all of sexism, feminism and transphobia in particular. As I’ve said on numerous occasions in the past, I support the causes that these people are trying to forward: women are just as awesome as men and should be treated as such; a person is a person, regardless of biological sex and/or gender, and shouldn’t be treated as a second-class citizen based on prejudice; most importantly, just don’t be a dick.

However, where the people campaigning for these things lose me is in their behaviour when it comes to advancing their causes. I do not and will not believe that the best way to enact change is to get really fucking angry at something, mock people who don’t subscribe to your exact viewpoint and then publicly shame people repeatedly until they clam up and don’t want to say anything. That shit is viral — if you behave that way, people will see the way you act towards others, and that in turn will make them not want to engage in discussions we should all feel confident and good about having. In trying to further a cause of equality and encouraging oppressed minorities to stand up for themselves, in other words, you’re actually silencing people in the process. It doesn’t matter whether those people you silence are the “privileged” — usually white men — because all you’re doing is… doing what you want people to stop doing. Do you see where the problem is, here?

Most recently, Mike Krahulik of Penny Arcade attracted the ire of these particularly vocal people on Twitter by making some ill-advised and ill-informed comments about transgender people. This isn’t the first time he’s said something stupid, and it probably won’t be the last. I honestly believe he’s not saying these things from a position of genuine hatred; he’s just naturally a jerk towards a lot of people — and, as he notes in an apology on Penny Arcade, the first time these issues raised their heads he wasn’t even aware of many of them. To be fair to him for a moment here, I knew absolutely nothing about transgender people at all prior to this year, either; the subject simply hadn’t come up, so it’s not at all unreasonable to assume that he hadn’t come into contact with this particular group of people before and thus didn’t know the “appropriate” or “acceptable” ways in which to talk about them.

There’s a degree of common sense required here, of course, which Krahulik didn’t always display, particularly as the most recent incident was actually the second time he had run headlong into being perceived as “transphobic”, but for him to be immediately labelled a “bigot”, a “sexist” and outright insulted is, frankly, a little much. People don’t teach you these things. (Well, perhaps they do now; it’s a long time since I was at school and took a Humanities lesson.) And as such, when people are confronted with unfamiliar things, sometimes mistakes are made; things are said without thinking; sometimes offence is caused. The appropriate response to someone making a mistake is to point out that they made a mistake and then educate them so they don’t do it again in the future.

Key point: both the pointing out of the mistake and the education should be done in a calm, respectful manner that acknowledges ignorance isn’t the same as bigotry. If your first response to someone saying something that you believe is offensive is to start swearing at and insulting them, then of course they are going to get defensive and start flinging mud back at you rather than attempting to engage with you — particularly if they don’t understand what they did wrong in the first place, however silly that might seem to you as someone more well-informed.

It’s a natural response; look at how children respond to being yelled at as opposed to having positive behaviour reinforced, or calm explanations as to why the thing they were doing was inappropriate. These reflex behaviours continue well into adulthood for many of us; no-one likes to feel like they did wrong, so the more aggressively people shout and scream, the more the recipient of the ire will dig their heels in and just escalate the whole situation. In Krahulik’s case, this happened previously with the “rape culture/dickwolves” incident a while back — people yelled, he got defensive, discussion was shut down before it could begin — and again with this more recent incident.

There are a number of sad things about this whole situation. Krahulik could have had the opportunity to learn about part of culture he’s unfamiliar with, but the immediately aggressive response shut down any hope of rational discussion and education and caused him to get defensive. The aggressive response didn’t stop, either; it grew and grew into a seething ball of hatred, with people referring to him and his Penny Arcade partner Jerry Holkins (who had remained very quiet throughout this whole debacle — a sign which some saw as tacit approval of Krahulik’s actions) as “dicks” and other, far more spiteful terms. People started calling for boycotts of PAX. One indie developer even publicly pulled out of PAX’s indie showcase.

None of this had to happen, and it is not solely Krahulik’s fault that it did. He’s not blameless at all, no, but I place as much blame for the subsequent fallout squarely at the feet of the people who did the aggressive yelling, the swearing, the insults, the death threats as I do at the feet of Krahulik. This could have been an opportunity for everyone involved to grow; instead, it was just yet another sign that people like nothing more than a good fight rather than actually talking and educating one another. And I worry that serious damage has been done on all sides of this issue; there are no winners here.

The really sad thing, I think, is how much this sort of thing erects barriers between people. Every time I see something like this happening, I feel genuinely afraid to open my mouth for fear of saying something that will make everyone hate me; and that little nagging voice in the back of my head says “you’re not allowed to have an opinion on this; you’re a privileged white male”. I have seen how quickly people can turn on someone for one little thing that they said, and no-one will ever back down or attempt to understand or educate. It’s just shout, shout shout. It kills discussion. It kills education. And it achieves the absolute opposite of what many of these “social justice” types are supposedly fighting for; instead of promoting inclusivity and harmony, it sows discord and excludes people. We’re better than that.

So everyone, try a little harder to get along and understand one another, please.