Tag: rudeness

#oneaday, Day 218: I Love You, You Twat

Those of you who’ve been following me for a while will know that I have been known to make occasional forays into the virtual world of Second Life. For all its flaws and glaring technical errors and furry porn and flourishing sex industry, I always find it a genuinely fascinating experience from both social and creative angles.

I have one particular friend in that “other” world that I want to talk about today. We both started at around the same time, which means our avatars are both around the four year old mark right now. I’ve been rather more sporadic in my attendance than she has, but ever since we met we’ve shared a very close friendship which is pretty much unlike any of the other relationships I’ve cultivated in that particular world. She’s one of those “constants” that you know you can always rely on. She’s always been there, and has always offered a sympathetic ear when I’ve needed one.

We’ve also always shared a mutual love of insulting the crap out of each other. She admonishes me for my long absences and the fact I can type without mistakes at 85 words per minute. In response, I take great delight in drawing attention to her own typos, which have resulted in us inventing a number of our own words that anyone coming into our group is utterly bewildered by. I’m not even convinced we know what “furple” and “plinge” mean. But from the context, they are generally inclined to sound dirty.

Then we’ll find something to argue about like children. Last night saw a particularly epic “am not, are too” battle that managed to impress everyone around us with our sheer tenacity. One of us will, at some point, accuse the other of being a pervert. The other will, in turn, bring up something from the past which lends incontrovertible evidence that no, they are in fact the pervert here. And so it goes on. For hours at a time, usually.

This is something that has always baffled me about friendship. At what stage do you make that mutual decision that it’s okay to be incredibly rude to one another, especially in front of other people? It’s one of those peculiar contradictions that seems to make perfect sense while you’re engaged in it, yet is utter nonsense when you think about it. The common theory is that it’s a sign you’re so comfortable with one another you’re happy to say absolutely anything to one another, because you know that you do genuinely care about each other. In the case of my friend and I, there’s generally a bit of playing up for the crowd, too—they’ve come to expect it of us. When we’re alone together, we’ll generally talk normally and candidly.

I have a number of “real life” friends who are like this, too, so it’s not just a case of the John Gabriel Internet Fuckwad Theory coming to life. Board game nights generally degenerate into smack talk and aspersions cast on pretty much everything it’s possible to cast aspersions on. And yet somehow without disrupting the gameplay. (Much. Usually.)

I guess it’s one of those social anomalies that we’ll never truly understand. Still, it always keeps things entertaining.

With that in mind, thanks for reading, you complete bellend.

#oneaday, Day 93: Words Are All I Have

A complete stranger insulted me today. There was no provocation and no reason for it. The only explanation I can come up with is the fact that he was with two friends and wanted to play up in front of them, so he thought he’d pick on the fat guy.

It ruined my morning. I’d gone out for a walk in the glorious sunshine, but that one hurtful comment upset me. So did the knowledge that people exist so obnoxious that they feel the need to pick on other people, like 10-year old bullies. So I went home.

Fortunately, after talking to a few friends online, many of whom say they had experienced something similar at one point or another, I felt a bit better. And I started to think that I’d rather be the person I am, however I look, than the sort of arsehole who judges another person based on their appearance and then insults them to their face. You have to wonder how fucked up that person must be in the head to want to do that.

Rhiarti wrote a touching post the other day about being “the ugly duckling” and not fitting in. I sympathise entirely since I feel exactly the same way. There are times when I feel like I just don’t belong in “normal” society. When I go out to a bar – with friends, even – and find myself unable to think of anything to say, for example. Small talk’s never been a strong point of mine. When I find myself overthinking conversations I’m potentially about to have – and sometimes end up not having them at all. That’s another good one.

It’s strange. I sort of like it and hate it at the same time. When I went to PAX, it was, like Wil Wheaton said at the time, “like coming home”. I was amongst other people who obviously felt the same way, and it was a good feeling. But that made it all the harder to leave them behind and come back to the big wide world where strangers think it’s acceptable to insult you.

I know, I know, I should grow a pair.

But words are powerful. Words are perhaps the strongest weapon that humans have. Well, that’s perhaps not true. A nuclear bomb would probably kill more people than an expectorated obscenity. But when it comes to helping or hurting another person, words are definitely one of the strongest things that there are, and definitely the thing that sets us apart from animals. A kind or unkind word can have a huge impact on how someone feels, whether or not they show it to you directly – or indeed whether or not they’re right there with you. I know I certainly appreciate the kind and supportive words my “distant” friends have for me, whether it’s something serious and heartfelt, or sharing a private joke together.

So, people of the world, next time you’re going to say something, have a quick think about what the person you’re saying it to might think. And don’t be a dick.