2125: Walk a Mile in the Tank’s Shoes

One of the things I really like about Final Fantasy XIV is how easy it is to switch jobs to one of the other classes. Swap out your weapon (and, more than likely, armour) and bam: you’re another class, with no need to create a new character.

This system encourages people to try out more than the class they start with, and provides a great opportunity for players to learn about not just the role they choose to “main”, but also other types of character they might run into in cooperative content.

It’s actually really interesting to run the same thing as each of the three main types of character — tank, healer, DPS — because the experience is often significantly different for each. And it’s not always just a case of “tank stands in front of monsters, DPS stand behind, healer makes sure no-one dies” — one of Final Fantasy XIV’s biggest strengths is that its encounters are often designed to keep things interesting for everyone in the party, with tanks, healers and DPS alike being expected to deal with mechanics and take care of themselves as much as possible.

Take something like the fourth floor of the Alexander raid, for example. As a tank, your job is relatively straightforward: stand at the front repeatedly hacking away at The Manipulator’s legs until it falls over; try and mitigate as much of the incoming damage as possible. Straightforward, that is, unless you’re the off-tank, in which case you’ll be frequently sucked into a side “Quarantine” room with a DPS and expected to defeat a not-particularly-tough add before being returned to your party. DPS, meanwhile, are expected to pop exploding orbs that appear around the room, try and position themselves so tanks can intercept damage from laser attacks, defeat additional enemies as quickly as possible and, above all, try not to die. And the healers, aside from keeping everyone standing, have to deal with a unique mechanic in the last phase where they need to keep apart from each other and the rest of the party, lest everyone keel over dead.

It’s not always this complex, of course, but even so, walking a few miles in each of the three roles’ shoes gives you a better overall understanding of how the game as a whole works, and that’s really important when playing cooperatively — if only to know exactly what all those buffs the healers are throwing on you mean, and that you shouldn’t Stun enemies when the Dark Knight has Blood Price up!

That and it’s just kind of fun to see how the different classes play, because even in ostensibly similar classes (Paladin, Dark Knight, Warrior, for example — all are tanks) there’s plenty of variation in play style and overall “feel”. You might even find yourself liking a new class more than what you originally considered to be your “main” — it’s happened to me twice to date!

2119: Squishing a Bug

Finally cleared Ravana Extreme in Final Fantasy XIV this evening, bringing me up to date on absolutely everything in the game so far with the exception of Alexander Savage, which I’m not in a particular hurry to rush through at the moment.

Ravana, though, was a lot of fun. I’d held off even trying that fight for a while for some reason — I’d got it into my head that it would be “scary”, and I didn’t want to be a burden on any group who took me along with them. In some ways, this was quite a nostalgic feeling; when I first started playing Final Fantasy XIV, the prospect of pretty much any group content was absolutely terrifying, and playing a role with responsibilities more than “dodge shit, do damage” (both important, to be fair) was simply out of the question. Now, of course, my best-levelled, best-geared classes are both tanks, and I have a healer on the way to the higher levels, too, while I haven’t really touched my Black Mage — the class I started with — for quite some time.

Anyway. Ravana EX is a challenging fight, to be sure, even with decent gear. There’s a lot of damage, and a lot of reliance on party members knowing and understanding mechanics together. But, for me, this sort of fight is the most satisfying kind of battle in Final Fantasy XIV; it’s a really fun experience to see eight people working together, moving as a team and doing their best to overcome a stiff challenge. A couple of years ago when I first decided to check out Final Fantasy XIV more out of curiosity — and some fond memories of the 20 levels of Final Fantasy XI I played a few years back — I couldn’t have imagined I’d be challenging difficult battles like this, but now I’m happy to be not exactly at the top tier of players in our Free Company, but certainly someone who can be relied on to jump in and try their best at whatever the game has to offer.

I like Ravana EX because there’s a nice combination of learnable mechanics with a little bit of randomness thrown in to make things interesting. Ravana does the same moves in the same order for the most part, and the way in which you deal with them is the same. However, things like positioning and who is initially targeted for his most powerful attacks vary with each attempt, so you have to be on your toes. As a tank, there’s also some fun mechanics, most notably dodging his frontal cone “Tapasya” (sp?) attack and sharing the damage from his devastating Blinding Blade tankbuster with the offtank; it’s certainly a lot more than “stand there and get hit while doing as much damage as you can”. Which is nice.

Now that I’m up to date on everything, I’m very keen to see what patch 3.1, which is out in a couple of days, has to offer. A few days ago I commented on the things I’m particularly looking forward to; mostly, I’m excited about the fact that the new content is likely to bring a bunch of people who maybe haven’t played for a little while back to the game; they’re tricking in already, but there will doubtless be a big surge once the patch is actually available, the main scenario storyline continues and the more impressive new content is ready to be challenged.

In the meantime, since my Dark Knight sword failed to drop in three successful clears of Ravana, it looks like I have a bit of farming in my immediate future if I want to have a decent weapon ahead of the new Relic’s arrival in 3.15…

2117: Preparing for the Coming Darkness

The preliminary patch notes for the long-awaited Version 3.1 of Final Fantasy XIV were released earlier today, and there’s a lot to take in!

Main Scenario

Heavensward’s main scenario was satisfyingly complete, with a wonderful final boss fight. But, in the best tradition of Final Fantasy XIV to date, it teased a coming storm, specifically involving a “Warrior of Darkness”, who is presumably intended to be some sort of dark counterpart to our own player characters, the Warrior of Light.

Yoshi-P spoke in a Japanese language interview recently in a bit more detail about 3.1 and what to expect from the main scenario. It seems like the game will be moving away from the completely linear main scenario quest it’s had to date, and will instead have a number of concurrent storylines. The reason for this is partly practical — parallel storylines afford the opportunity for the devs to unlock group content a bit more quickly rather than relying on linear main story progress — and partly to allow the story to develop in a few different directions simultaneously. It should also — hopefully, anyway — discourage people from skipping the (actually really good, well-written) main scenario quests just so they can get at the new dungeons/trials/whatevers.

Anyway. I’m not yet sure where the main scenario will be taking us, but it’s clear we’ll be seeing more of the shadowy Ascians, who are the Recurring Bad Guys You Never Actually Defeat that you always need in an MMO. We’ll also be seeing the Warrior of Darkness, presumably, and perhaps visiting some strange and wonderful locales. Given that Heavensward appears to be heavily inspired by Final Fantasy IV, it’s entirely possible we’ll be taking a trip to the moon at some point, though exactly how that will be implemented remains to be seen, particularly as there’s still a whole lot of Hydaelyn left to explore.

Dungeons

As I’ve previously noted, the fact that there are only two new dungeons in 3.1 was initially disappointing to me, but hopefully they should be good fun. The Arboretum dungeon in particular sounds like it has the potential to be interesting and challenging, and Pharos Sirius (Hard) apparently has a bunch of surprises in store; it’s not just a run from the top of the lighthouse down to the bottom, as its appearance in the recent trailer seemed to indicate.

On the raid front, the Void Ark 24-man raid dungeon will doubtless be a highlight. It looks like it will have a suitably menacing atmosphere that’s a bit different from other dungeons we’ve seen to date. It also sounds as if there will be some sort of diverging path mechanic, where the three 8-man parties will split off in different directions to do different things at the same time. Whether this is similar to the Atomos fight in Labyrinth of the Ancients, which simply involved three groups doing the same thing in different places at the same time, or something more ambitious remains to be seen. Either way, I’m looking forward to it a great deal — particularly as we’re making a big effort to try and get a full 24-person Free Company run going the weekend after the patch.

Trials

Thordan Extreme, or rather The Minstrel’s Ballad: Thordan’s Reign is the big highlight here. A reprise of the formula from The Minstrel’s Ballad: Ultima’s Bane, Thordan’s Reign is a more difficult version of Heavensward’s spectacular but disappointingly easy final boss fight. Supposedly its difficulty is tuned somewhere between the current Extreme primals Bismarck and Ravana, and the current “Savage” raid dungeon Alexander, though it was also compared to the notorious Turn 9, still regarded as one of the most difficult fights in the game, even when playing with unsynced item and character levels.

Thordan’s Reign will apparently be a ten-phase fight, making it sound as if it will be one of the most complicated fights in the game to learn, depending on how complex each individual phase is. To put this in context, the previous most difficult fights in the game had considerably fewer phases: Turn 5 had five, Turn 9 had four, Turn 13 had four, though each of these phases had a number of different mechanics that had to be dealt with appropriately. It’s entirely possible that each “phase” of Thordan’s Reign will have just one or two different mechanics at a time, but we shall see!

The Diadem

This is the bit I’m most interested in: the Exploration Missions, in which you fly off in an airship (either borrowed from Ishgard or belonging to your Free Company) to explore floating islands in the sky. Once there, you have 90 minutes to piss about with up to 71 other people, killing monsters, finding treasure, gathering goodies and completing objectives. The rewards are worthwhile, too; Tomestones of Esoterics will be awarded for completing objectives, and treasure chests dropped by monsters will contain item level 210 equipment, which is theoretically among some of the best in the game, though their randomised secondary stats will make them either amazing or useless for anything other than spiritbonding.

The reason I’m most excited about The Diadem is that it’s probably the most significant shakeup to Final Fantasy XIV’s structure since the launch of A Realm Reborn. Up until now, the game has followed a fairly standard formula: solo content in the open world, group content in linear instances, occasional group open world activities such as FATEs and Hunts. The Diadem occupies a curious space somewhere between an instanced dungeon and open world content; the area you’re in is instanced and time-limited like a dungeon or trial, but there may be other players in there at the same time as you and your friends, and the structure is inherently more open-ended than the extremely linearly designed dungeons and trials. In other words, a trip to The Diadem will not be something you can “learn” and then perform by rote like the current dungeons and trials — not that there’s anything wrong with that format! — but rather, hopefully anyway, will provide a degree of randomness that will make things interesting to revisit time and time again.

Relic

The new Relic — known as an Anima weapon — isn’t launching with 3.1, but is instead coming a month later in 3.15. The previous Relic quest was one of the most notoriously time-consuming activities in the game, intended to be an alternative route to getting one of the best weapons in the game for those who didn’t want to — or weren’t able to — raid. We know next to nothing about what the new Relic questline will involve as yet, but you can probably count on it involving grinding, revisiting old content, completing objectives and a shared sense of camaraderie with your companions as you’re gradually driven mad by what initially appears to be a completely unreasonable, unmanageable set of expectations.

Despite being at times irritating and demoralising, the original Relic quest was ultimately extremely satisfying, as it’s the most convincing “build your own lightsaber” moment I’ve experienced in any game. This was a single weapon that you kept hold of for a long time, gradually improving bit by bit until it was a force to be reckoned with… and eventually transformed into something even more impressive. Doubtless the new weapon will be a similar situation — and those who made the effort to get a Relic weapon all the way to its final “Zeta” form will be rewarded with being able to skip about 10 hours’ worth of grinding, apparently, so that’s nice. (Of course, it took quite a bit more than 10 hours to make said Zeta, but any bonus is better than no bonus in this instance!)

Gold Saucer

The new addition to the Manderville Gold Saucer is the interesting-looking real-time strategy game Lord of Verminion. This appears to be a surprisingly well fleshed out game in which there’s finally a use for all the collectable minions everyone has been racking up over time. Each minion has its own element, stats and abilities, and they’re thrown into virtual combat against either the CPU or another player as you attempt to smash up your opponent’s structures before they do the same to you. It will be really interesting to see if the player base takes to this, or if it ultimately becomes little more than an idle distraction.

Gold Saucer is also finally being added to the Challenge Log, allowing a much easier means of acquiring MGP for the Gold Saucer’s exclusive rewards, most of which are primarily intended for vanity purposes. Simply adding things like the minigames to the Challenge Log will hopefully encourage people to party in the Gold Saucer once again, as when it launched, it was a whole lot of fun, but these days it seems a little bit dead, since people have mostly moved on.

—

Patch 3.1 is out next Tuesday. I’m looking forward to it a lot, and I’m also looking forward to the inevitable surge of people coming back to the game to check it out, too; hopefully I’ll see some people I haven’t had the chance to play with for a while. Doubtless I shall be gushing further thoughts on 3.1 over these pages once I’ve had the chance to play around with it a bit, so Please Look Forward To It.

2113: The Dark Knight Rises

Level 58 on Dark Knight in Final Fantasy XIV now… almost there! I’m still really enjoying the class, and I’m looking forward to having my full suite of abilities to play with. I feel like I have a good handle on how it all works, now; Dark Knight seems to be a pretty flexible sort of tank, able to mitigate a decent amount of damage Paladin-style as well as heal themselves to a certain degree through abilities like Souleater and a cross-classed Bloodbath.

And the damage. Oh the damage. I haven’t played Warrior enough to know what sort of numbers they put out on the road to 60, but Dark Knight is miles ahead of Paladin in terms of killing efficiency. Paladin isn’t built for killing, of course, being a mitigation tank, but Dark Knight seems to strike a nice balance between being able to take some hits and put out some impressive damage numbers. It helps, of course, that I’m wearing almost entirely Strength-boosting accessories rather than the HP-boosting Vitality accessories, but I haven’t had a problem with having too few HP at any point yet, so I intend to stick with that particular course of action for the immediate future until something comes along that twats me for more than I can take in a single hit.

Mostly I’m keen to get Dark Knight safely to level 60 — and preferably item level 190 — in time for the 3.1 patch on Tuesday the 10th. There’s a bunch of interesting new stuff coming to the game that I’d like to be able to explore with my new class, most notably the two new dungeons (for which gear shouldn’t be a problem for, since I already have tank gear up to about item level 189 or so) and the Extreme version of The Singularity Reactor fight.

The latter is one of the main attractions of the new patch for many people. Taking a similar approach to the “Minstrel’s Ballad: Ultima’s Bane” fight from A Realm Reborn, it’s a remix of the final boss fight from Heavensward with (presumably) considerably more complex mechanics and a higher challenge factor. This is good, since although Heavensward’s final boss fight is undoubtedly spectacular, at current average gear levels you can trounce it pretty quickly. It doesn’t make the fight any less impressive, of course, but I know I certainly wish it would last a bit longer. Yoshi-P and the team say that the new fight will have a mighty ten phases to learn, so I’m looking forward to seeing how complex it can really be. It has the potential to be one of the most interesting, complex battles in the whole game at this rate.

Other than the more conventional content, the other appealing aspect of 3.1 is the Island Exploration mechanics that are being added. Heavensward added the ability for Free Companies to build their own airships and send them out on exploratory voyages into The Sea of Clouds, after which they’d come back bearing goodies, sometimes having discovered islands in the sky. I haven’t looked into this much at all — our Free Company has one particularly dedicated member who has been taking care of our fleet of airships so far, so I haven’t really needed to. The Island Exploration system, however, actually allows groups of players — up to 24 at once — to party up and explore some of the strange places the airships have been discovering. Once there, it’s a much more freeform experience than the rather linear dungeons in the game. You have 90 minutes to explore, fight things and find stuff. Exactly what you’ll find remains to be seen, but we know there is Aetherial gear to be found as well as gathering nodes for miners, botanists and perhaps fishers too. There will also be objectives to complete, which will reward players with the all-important Tomestones of Esoterics, which hopefully will be dished out with sufficient generosity to make Island Exploration a viable alternative to endless Dungeon Roulette grinding.

Then, of course, there’s the continuation of the main story. Heavensward’s main story was great, in my book even better than that of A Realm Reborn, so I’m interested and intrigued to see where it goes next. The “vanilla” Heavensward experience ended with an intriguing cliffhanger concerning the “Warrior of Darkness”, presumably some sort of counterpart to the player character’s “Warrior of Light”, but it remains to be seen exactly what this means. There’s also a number of unresolved teasers from A Realm Reborn’s finale that need wrapping up, so I’m hoping we’ll see some more information concerning what was going on here, too.

It’s an exciting time to be a Final Fantasy XIV player, for sure, and I’m very glad that deciding to make the switch to Dark Knight has got me out of the “rut” I was feeling like I was in with only Paladin at the level cap. I’m really looking forward to putting a level 60 Dark Knight through its paces and seeing what the future holds for the land of Eorzea — more than that, though, I’m looking forward to lots of friends coming back to play the game once there’s some new content in place that they haven’t run a thousand times already… yet, anyway.

2108: Heavensward Dungeon Boss Guides (For My Own Reference)

I ran The Aery for the first time in months earlier tonight, and I realised that, having not run it for months owing to being at the level cap, I had forgotten almost everything about it. So in an attempt to brush up on my Heavensward dungeons as I continue to level Dark Knight — and also to provide an excuse to write a guide, which is something I enjoy doing — I present to you some information on how to beat the dungeon bosses in Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward. Largely for my own reference.

The Dusk Vigil

Level: 51-52

Boss 1: Towering Oliphaunt

Towering Oliphaunt has a few abilities to watch out for. Firstly, there’s Rear, which is an easily dodged area-effect attack around himself, and Prehistoric Trumpet, which hits the whole room.

You should also be aware of his other abilities: Rock of Ages will stun a non-tank player, Wooly Inspiration is a conal pull attack, and Rout is a charge attack. Similar to Wild Charge in The Final Coil of Bahamut, Turn 1, Rout’s damage can be split between a party member and the targeted player. It’s a good idea for the tank to get in between Oliphaunt and the targeted player when this happens.

Tank tank, healer heal, DPS DPS and this shouldn’t present too much difficulty.

Boss 2: Ser Yuhelmeric

Tons of adds appear in this fight. There are two main types: melee adds have a few area-effect attacks, while caster adds have the ability to buff everyone around themselves, including the boss. The tank should try to keep the boss away from the adds.

The only real ability Yuhelmeric has that you need to be aware of is Death Spiral, an attack somewhat similar to Nael’s Lunar Dynamo in The Second Coil of Bahamut, Turn 4. In other words, it’s a doughnut-shaped attack that you can avoid completely by ensuring you’re in melee range when it goes off.

Boss 3: Opinicus

This is the most complex fight in Dusk Vigil. Opinicus has several different abilities, some of which are easier to deal with than others.

Alpine Draft is a simple line attack that can be avoided without too much difficulty.

Freefall is an attack where Opinicus jumps at a player, destroying any piles of rubble they’re standing near. These piles of rubble are important, so try and stay clear of them when you don’t need them.

Whirling Gaol is a room-wide ability that causes you to be repeatedly “pushed” towards the middle. If you reach the middle, you’ll be stunned and hit. To prevent being dragged in, hide behind one of the piles of rubble.

Winds of Winter is an ability that covers a reasonable area and stacks Wind Vulnerability Up on anyone hit, making Opinicus’ other abilities more dangerous. This attack also destroys all current piles of rubble and causes new ones to drop from the ceiling.

Sohm Al

Level: 53-54

Boss 1: Raskovnik

This is a considerably more forgiving version of the Rafflesia fight from The Second Coil of Bahamut, Turn 1. If you’ve completed that, you’ll know what to do here.

Acid Rain is a circular area-effect ability that takes aim for all players.

Sweet Scent causes Dravanian Hornets to spawn and slowly move towards the boss. These deal no damage, but should be killed if your party has low DPS, since they buff the boss if they’re in range of Devour.

Devour is an ability that goes off after a player is marked and stunned for two seconds. It’s a circular AoE attack, and any hornets in range will give Raskovnik a stacking damage increase.

Finally, Spit is a room-wide attack to simply be healed through.

Boss 2: Myath

Myath will periodically spawn jelly adds around the room, and use attacks based on which ones he consumes. When he consumes a blue add, move away from the party member with a blue marker. When he consumes a red add, stack up on the party member with the red arrow. Remember, blue is poo, red gives head. Or something.

The only other thing to be aware of here is the big green snot add. Kill this as a priority when it appears.

Boss 3: Tioman

Sohm Al’s final boss has a number of different mechanics.

To minimise damage from the frontal cone attack Abyssic Buster, tanks should ensure that Tioman is facing away from the party.

Chaos Blast places AoE markers on each player, so avoid these.

Comet is the main ability to be aware of here. Two players will be marked and AoE circles will appear on the ground. When the marks fade, comets will fall where the players were standing, dealing room-wide damage to everyone based on how close they were to where the comets fall. To minimise damage from this, marked players should move away from the party — ideally to an edge — while the rest of the party keeps their distance too.

At around 45%, Tioman will become invincible and you must destroy her wings to continue damaging her. During this time, she will use Heavensfall, which marks a player and then spawns a cluster of circular AoEs on top of them. The marked player should move away from the rest of the party to minimise damage.

Finally, Dark Star is a room-wide AoE that you need to heal through.

After the wings are destroyed, the fight continues as before.

The Aery

Level: 55-56

Boss 1: Rangda

Rangda only has two main abilities to concern yourself with. To avoid being hit with Electric Cachexis, move into melee range with Rangda, similar to avoiding Nael’s Lunar Dynamo or Chimera’s The Dragon’s Voice.

If you get marked with Prey, move to one of the tall pillars at the outside of the room to transfer it and stay safe.

You should also kill adds as they spawn; none of them are particularly tough. Rangda also has a few other AoE attacks, but none of them hit particularly hard, so just heal through them.

Boss 2: Gyascutus

Gyascutus will gain a damage-up buff for every cloud of poison it farts out around the room. To get rid of these, use the Mustard Gas bombs that spawn occasionally to eat one or two of the clouds, then kill them. If the bombs eat four clouds, they will self-destruct, deal damage to the whole room and poison everyone four times. Don’t do this.

Boss 3: Nidhogg

Nidhogg’s go-to attack is The Crimson Price, which shits out fiery orbs at you. These burn for a few seconds, then blast a line AoE. If Nidhogg faces you and you’re not the tank, he’s going to cast one of these at you. Step aside to avoid damage.

The Sable Price is Nidhogg’s jailing ability. One player will get trapped, and the remaining party members must destroy it before Sable Weave casts, otherwise the trapped player will die.

At about 30% HP, Nidhogg will retreat to prepare his ultimate attack. During this time, you must defeat all the adds and ensure that Estinien remains standing. Tanks should grab the adds as quickly as possible, and healers should divide their attention between the party and Estinien to ensure he stays healthy. When the final add falls, Estinien will put up a shield, which you should dive inside to protect yourself from Nidhogg’s ultimate.

After this, the earlier mechanics simply repeat.

The Vault

Level: 57-58

Boss 1: Ser Adelphel Brightblade

The first phase of this fight is a simple tank-and-spank — kill Adelphel’s companions first, then knock him down. He’ll change form and the fight proper will begin.

When Adelphel casts Holy Shield Bash, he’ll jump to a player, stun and hit them. Paladins can Cover this.

Holiest of Holy deals damage to the whole room. Heal through this.

Finally, Adelphel will occasionally charge around the room and leave big explodey balls behind. Do not be near his balls when they explode, otherwise you’ll be very sorry indeed. (Huehuehue.)

Boss 2: Ser Grinnaux the Bull

Like Adelphel, Grinnaux has a trash phase first. Batter him down to start the fight proper.

Most of this fight is about dodging the various ground AoEs that Grinnaux applies around the room, but there are a couple of specific abilities to watch out for.

Hyperdimensional Slash lays a red AoE in front of Grinnaux in the direction of a random player. When this goes off, anyone in the way will take damage, and an Aetherial Tear will appear where the attack hits the wall. These Tears will tether to anyone near them and damage them, so ideally bait them all to the same part of the room.

After two Hyperdimension Slash attacks, Grinnaux will cast Faith Unmoving, which will knock everyone directly backwards when it finishes casting. Make sure your back is to part of the wall that is free from Aetherial Tears to stay safe.

Boss 3: Ser Charibert

Filthy rats! Charibert has a bunch of nasty abilities that you need to watch out for. It’s a good idea to tank him near the entrance to his arena rather than in the middle.

Altar Pyre is a simple room-wide damage attack. Heal through it.

Holy Chain tethers two players together — run apart to break it, otherwise you’ll both take damage.

Heavensflame causes flame rings to appear on the ground. Avoid them.

Charibert’s most annoying ability is to summon a row of knights, who will march across the arena and Slow anyone they trample over. Each row will always have a gap in it, so position yourself so they’ll pass you by safely or run through the gap to avoid this.

At about 50% HP, Charibert will disappear, then reappear with a bunch of Holy Flames around the room. Kill as many of these as possible, because Charibert’s next attack deals more damage the more Holy Flames are left. You can leave one or two Flames up and still be safe when this happens.

After this attack, the cycle repeats, though both Heavensflame and Charibert’s knight-summoning become more dangerous: Heavensflame has two sets of flame rings, and two rows of knights appear instead of one.

The Great Gubal Library

Level: 59-60

Boss 1: Demon Tome

This is very similar to Demon Wall in Amdapor Keep, albeit without the time limit. Instead, there are some new abilities to watch out for, including an instant-kill.

The first thing to do is avoid Demon Tome’s line AoEs, since these apply a Slow effect. The lines will come down the middle of the room first, then the sides. Position yourself ahead of time to avoid these.

Dark Blizzard III is a circle AoE that targets a random player during the line attacks. Avoid this.

Disclosure is Demon Tome’s instakill ability. When it starts to glow, run around the side until you’re behind Demon Tome to stay safe. If you’re in front of Demon Tome when Disclosure finishes casting, you’ll die.

Finally, Words of Winter is a ground freeze attack that causes you to slide while it is in effect. Plan your moves carefully, particularly when Disclosure is casting, and only move when necessary.

Boss 2: Byblos

When Byblos runs to the centre of the room, two books will spawn, with the ability to cast Death Ray at you, a line AoE that, despite the name, doesn’t do all that much damage.

When they die, orbs will tether to players. Tethered players need to position themselves so the orb hits Byblos to break his invulnerability period.

In subsequent phases, Byblos will spawn clouds of fumes. Party members should take it in turns to disperse these by running through them, since this causes damage. It’s important to manage them, though, as they can interfere with the orbs.

When Byblos isn’t invincible, he’ll perform Gale Cut on the tank. When this is being cast, the tank should run through Byblos or to the side to avoid it. He also has a Tail Swipe attack on anyone behind him.

Finally, Head Down is a charge attack similar to the one seen in Amdapor Keep (Hard). The targeted player should ensure the line AoE doesn’t intersect with any other players to minimise damage. The easiest way to deal with this is simply to run straight at Byblos.

Boss 3: The Everliving Bibliotaph

Three times during the fight, The Everliving Bibliotaph will use Void Summon as a supernatural “Help Wanted” advertisement. In order to prevent his questionable hiring practices, you need to stand on the glowing platforms on the ground. The number of players who need to stand on a platform is indicated by how many lights are lit up on the platform in question. Multiple platforms will highlight at once, so be ready to spread out.

If you get targeted by Bibliotaph, run away from the party to bait the AoE he’s preparing for you. Everyone should keep away from this, as it pulses several times, applying damage and Vulnerability Up in the process.

At around 55% HP, Bibliotaph will cast some combination of Deep Darkness and Magic Burst. Deep Darkness covers the outside of the arena and causes a Heavy debuff for about 30 seconds. Magic Burst, meanwhile, deals damage and knockback. Neither are pleasant.

If you’re new to Final Fantasy XIV and want some more help, I wrote a bunch of guides during my time at USgamer; some of this information is a little out of date now, but the basic boss strategies and suchlike are still valid.

Dungeon guides
Level 50 dungeon guides (up to The Lost City of Amdapor)
Trial guides (up to Leviathan Hard)
Labyrinth of the Ancients guide

2107: Dark Knight Chronicles

Continuing to level Dark Knight in Final Fantasy XIV, and I’m having a lot of fun with it. I wasn’t quite prepared for how much more powerful it feels than Paladin, but I’m really enjoying the overall feel of it a whole lot — much more than Warrior, which seemed enjoyable enough, but didn’t quite “click” with me for some reason.

I think the reason I like Dark Knight so much is that it appears to be a little less dependent on strict rotations to perform its job most effectively — or, rather, there’s more than one rotation to play around with. I particularly enjoy the fact that when playing Dark Knight it’s absolutely okay — even encouraged — to drop out of Grit, the main “tank stance”, in order to do some additional damage. This appears to be of particular benefit when fighting single-target bosses, since taking fewer overall hits means that Blood Weapon (increase attack speed, drain MP from enemy with every hit, only available when not in Grit) becomes a more efficient means of restoring MP than Blood Price (gain MP when taking damage).

Even though many of the abilities are somewhat similar in function to those found in Paladin, they somehow feel more satisfying to use. Dark Knight has an area-of-effect damage over time skill called Salted Earth, for example, that bathes an area in black and red lightning, whereas Paladin’s nearest equivalent is Circle of Scorn, which has its own little pyrotechnics display but somehow doesn’t feel quite as enjoyable to use. Dark Knight also has Scourge, which is a damage over time that can be immediately applied rather than only used at the end of a three-hit combo like Paladin’s Goring Blade. When everything lines up nicely and you can apply Scourge and Salted Earth to an enemy before letting rip with a non-Grit Dark Arts Souleater combo for a significant amount of damage, it’s a great deal of fun.

Learning my way around Dark Knight has been enjoyable, and it’s helping me rediscover my respect for Final Fantasy XIV’s combat system. People who come to FFXIV from more traditional, customisable role-playing games are sometimes a bit put out at the relative lack of personalisation FFXIV offers in terms of abilities — everyone gets the same abilities at the same levels, and the only real flexibility is in any cross-class skills you choose to use, but even here there are only certain ones that are particularly useful — but in practice it works enormously well, behaving, of all things, more like a fighting game than anything else. A slow-paced fighting game, admittedly, but a fighting game nonetheless.

Allow me to clarify. Modern fighting games demand that players learn specific button and directional inputs to perform various special moves. In order to get good at a fighting game, you need to develop a certain degree of muscle memory to be able to pull these moves off automatically. Once you’ve done that, you need to master the timing of these moves to chain them together into effective combos, and then you need to understand what the most appropriate situations to use these individual combos are.

Final Fantasy XIV is exactly the same, just at a fraction of the pace of your average fighting game. Positioning is important; responding to your enemy’s moves is important; using the right ability at the right time is important. Even muscle memory is important, particularly if you’re playing on controller — while you’re not doing Hadoken button inputs to throw a fireball at someone, you do need to be able to remember where you put all your most important abilities and be able to practically automatically perform combos with no gaps for the most efficient possible damage output. For example, on Dark Knight, my average combo runs something along the lines of LT+Y, RT+Y, LT+A, LT+RT+X, A, LT+RT+B, LT+X, RT+B, RT+X, RT+A, RT+LT+B, RT+LT+X, RT+LT+up, RT+LT+A. This pulls an enemy with Unmend, cements aggro with Unleash, kicks them in the bollocks to stun them for a few seconds, drops a Salted Earth on the ground, applies Scourge, blasts them and anything near them with Dark Passenger, does my three-hit aggro combo then my three-hit, Dark Arts-buffed Souleater combo for a nice chunk of damage. And this isn’t even getting into the situational weaving in of various defensive cooldowns to ensure that I don’t take too much damage, or other skills to support the battle.

That may all sound exceedingly complicated, but I’ve done it so many times now that it feels “automatic” to be able to perform these abilities in the order that seems to work most effectively at my level. I’m sure I’ll have to shake things up a bit as I get closer to 60 and challenging more difficult content, but for now it’s extremely satisfying to nimbly pull off these combos without breaking a sweat.

Onwards to 60 then… I should hit 54 tonight, all being well.

2105: Into Darkness

The official trailer for Final Fantasy XIV patch 3.1 came out recently, and it’s looking simply marvellous. I am happy about this, because although I feel like I’ve got over my “rut” with the game, I’d still love to see something new at last. It’s been a long time coming, after all.

My initial reaction to the announcement of 3.1 was slight disappointment, but in retrospect this was rather silly. I’ll tell you my thinking, though: previous content patches for the game tended to include three new dungeons, a new raid (either a 24-player casual raid of the Crystal Tower ilk, or an 8-player hardcore raid of the Coil ilk) and maybe some new quests and minor mechanics here and there. And gear, of course. 3.1, meanwhile, only includes two new dungeons, one of which is a “Hard Mode” version of an existing dungeon — Pharos Sirius — which immediately made me feel a bit let down that we weren’t getting as much new stuff as we had in the past.

But then I considered things a bit more, and there are plenty of interesting things happening outside the dungeons, because dungeons aren’t the only interesting thing you can do in the game. They’re cool, sure, but I get the impression that Yoshi-P and the FFXIV team very much want to try and shake up the basic formula of the game a little bit having got it where they want to be over the course of A Realm Reborn and vanilla Heavensward. In other words, that means getting people out of the “grind the same thing over and over” mentality and into doing more varied things.

Perhaps the thing I’m most intrigued by — and most mystified by — is the new Exploratory Missions system, whereby individual players, parties, alliances and Free Companies can fly off into the Sea of Clouds with their airship(s), explore a region for 90 minutes, kick the shit out of some monsters, find treasure, complete objectives and gather stuff. This has the most potential to shake up the basic structure of the game, and I really hope it turns out well.

Details are still a bit thin on the ground as yet, but it seems like there will be three difficulty levels for these exploratory missions, with the hardest level being pitched towards Free Companies with their own airships. Monsters will have difficulty ranks between 1 and 6 instead of conventional levels, and there are apparently Hunt-esque “marks” to defeat as well as regular monsters. There will be objectives to complete that will allow players to earn the all-important Tomestones to upgrade their equipment, and treasure chests that contain new Aetherial equipment with randomised stats.

The randomised element of the Exploratory missions is the thing I’m looking forward to the most, to be honest. Exactly how random it is I’m not entirely sure as yet, but I know at the very least there will be several different areas that you can fly to when you start one of these missions — it seems you won’t be able to explicitly pick where you want to go and will instead be assigned a random landing point in a random region. The equipment you can find will be scattered in bronze, silver and gold chests, and presumably tracking these chests down will involve actual exploration of the area rather than the current situation in dungeons, where equipment can be found in boss chests and stuff in all the other chests is fairly underwhelming in its awesomeness, usually consisting of either potions or crafting materials.

Aside from the Exploratory Missions, the thing I’m looking forward to the most is the new Minstrel’s Ballad trial, which is a considerably expanded version of the final boss fight from the Heavensward story quests. This was an absolutely spectacular fight, albeit not particularly difficult, so it will be exciting to have the opportunity to see this realised as something closer to what the creators apparently originally intended. It will be a ten-phase fight — they stopped short of going for thirteen phases to match the thirteen Knights of the Round — and will apparently be on par difficulty-wise with Extreme-level primal fights and the first area of Alexander (Savage). Hopefully this doesn’t mean it will be a glorified DPS check like Alexander is, but from the little I’ve seen of it so far, it looks like there’s going to be some interesting mechanics at play.

Anyway. Patch 3.1 is coming in early November, which isn’t far away now. I’m really looking forward to seeing what it has to offer, and actually a little bit thankful that the new Relic weapons — which are apparently known as “Anima Weapons” — aren’t coming immediately, instead inviting us to grind ourselves into oblivion from patch 3.15 onwards.

In the meantime, I’ve got Dark Knight to level 50 today, so only ten levels to go before I can officially retire Paladin for the most part and start playing a tank class with a bit more damage output at high level! Darksiiiiiiide!

2092: I Can Have a Darkside If You Want Me To

I decided that I was going to get over my “rut” with Final Fantasy XIV today and get my mojo back, so I booted it up and decided to try something I hadn’t done before: give Dark Knight a go.

Dark Knight is the new tanking class that was added in the Heavensward expansion. So far, I’ve levelled Paladin (the main “defense tank”) to 60 as my main, and I have Warrior (the main “wallopy tank”) at 50, so I have a reasonable understanding of it. Dark Knight was a bit of a mystery, though; although I’d read a bit about it, I didn’t really have a bead on how it might actually feel to play it.

Turns out it feels like a hell of a lot of fun — far more so than the rather weedy-but-graceful-feeling Paladin, and, for my money, also more so than the cumbersome swings and heavy hits of Warrior.

I’ve only levelled fro 30-34 so far (you start Dark Knight at 30, unlike pre-expansion classes, which start at 1) so I don’t have a huge amount of experience as yet, but I’ve enjoyed what I’ve done. The class feels like a good balance between the relatively straightforward, set combos and defense of Paladin and the more intricate combos and damage-buffing of Warrior. There also seems to be a bit more in the way of “stance-dancing”, since there are a number of abilities that only work when you have a specific status effect active — or in some cases, if you don’t have it active. The skill “Blood Weapon”, for example, which increases your attack speed and allows you to drain MP from enemies, will not work if you’re in the defensive “Grit” stance, but that’s fine, since Blood Weapon is an offensive skill and Grit carries a hefty damage penalty, so the two aren’t really compatible.

I like this way of playing; rather than Paladin’s approach of sticking with Shield Oath most of the time and giving it a bit of Sword Oath only when you have a hefty aggro lead on the rest of your party, Dark Knight allows you to switch back and forth a lot more freely, giving combat a much more dynamic feel. The rhythm I was getting into by the end of tonight’s session saw me doing my basic aggro combo, weaving in the “Low Blow” stunning kick (which is off the global cooldown) and also dropping in the off-GCD “Reprisal” proc to reduce enemy damage after a successful parry. Then, when Blood Weapon was up — it actually has a pretty short cooldown — I’d drop Grit, hit Blood Weapon, unleash as many attacks as I could manage — including DRK’s DoT, which, unlike PLD’s, isn’t part of a combo, so can be applied immediately — before switching back into Grit again once Blood Weapon dropped. The timing of Blood Weapon’s cooldown usually meant that I could rotate defensive cooldowns at the same time as throwing up Blood Weapon, too, so I could mitigate at least some of the increased damage I’d be taking by dropping Grit’s considerable (20%) reduction in incoming damage.

DRK’s AoE aggro move is also a bit more intuitive than PLD’s Flash, whose radius I’m still not entirely 100% sure of. Unleash, meanwhile, displays a very clear area of effect when you use it, making it extremely apparent whether your positioning is right or not. It’s not quite as satisfying as WAR’s cone-area Overpower, being a weird-looking spell with an annoying sound effect rather than a distinctly HULK SMASH-style swing of your axe, but I’ve also found so far that DRK appears to be able to hold aggro pretty well even with only a couple of Unleashes at the start of the fight — perhaps a side-effect of its increased damage when compared to something like PLD.

I’m digging DRK so far, then, and although it’s another tank class like my main, it feels different enough from PLD already that I feel like it’s going to be enjoyable to level. And who knows? I might even end up maining it if and when I get it to 60.

2078: Two FFXIV Ideas That Will Never Get Implemented (Probably)

I haven’t been playing Final Fantasy XIV all that much recently. This is partly down to the fact that I’ve been really enjoying the other stuff I’ve been playing, and also due to the fact that the current content is feeling a bit stale and stagnant; Heavensward came out quite a long time ago now, and aside from the introduction of raid dungeon Alexander (which proved to be a little underwhelming after the dramatic insanity of The Binding Coil of Bahamut) there hasn’t been much new stuff introduced. Consequently, the grind to get other classes to level 60 — or to gear up my main class, for that matter — isn’t feeling all that appealing right now, particularly as there really isn’t a huge amount to do at level 60 at the moment: two dungeons, two Extreme boss fights, and Alexander in its Normal and Savage incarnations.

This, along with some of the other stuff I’ve been playing recently, got me thinking about ways the formula could be shaken up a little — partly to make the grind a bit more bearable, partly to make replays of old content a more attractive option, and partly to address some common complaints of certain aspects of the player base, specifically the lack of challenge in dungeons and the desire to show off your skills a bit more outside of the tippest-toppest highest-level content.

Final Fantasy XIV is heavily based on instanced content such as dungeons and boss fights, so I had an idle thought that the addition of two optional ways of playing this content would make the game interesting: specifically a Time Attack mode, which would reward those who can slice through a dungeon at high speed, and a Score Attack mode, which will encourage “full clears” of dungeons as well as skilful play.

I’m no game designer and I am under no illusions that these ideas would ever be implemented into the game, but I’ll share my thinking for each mode, anyway.

Queueing

Added to the existing Duty Finder options — Undersized/Unsynced Party and Minimum Item Level — would be the options for Score Attack and Time Attack. You would only be able to challenge one or the other at a time, but there could potentially be some additional options such as difficulties, whether to run it with level/item level sync or not and so forth. (There could also perhaps be an additional option for a “Story” run, for those who want to enjoy dungeons for the first time as originally intended, which could perhaps make cutscenes unskippable, bosses untargetable until everyone is out of cutscenes and perhaps even force a minimum iLevel sync. Alternatively, not selecting Score or Time Attack could simply assume that the run is for “story” purposes, without the restrictions suggested above.)

Time Attack

There are a few ways this could work. The simplest means would be for the party’s clear time to be recorded, starting from when the barrier comes down at the outset of the dungeon and stopping when the dungeon’s final boss is defeated. The final time would give the party as a whole a letter grade between, say, D and S — D being the worst, S being the best — and the rewards for the dungeon would be adjusted accordingly based on the grade attained.

Each player’s best time is recorded, and this could provide additional incentives: perhaps a small extra reward if you beat your previous best, or leaderboards showing which players/parties/Free Companies/servers have cleared content most efficiently.

A second means of approaching this could be to give the party a fairly strict time limit countdown from when the dungeon starts, with time being extended by reaching checkpoints or defeating particular enemies. This provides the opportunity for failure — something which the game as a whole is lacking a bit, particularly in dungeons, where you can just respawn until the currently implemented and overly generous total time limit expires — as well as the chance to reward efficient play; again, the run should be concluded with some sort of rating system or bonus based on time remaining to encourage speedy runs.

My thinking behind this system is that there are already people who like to rush through dungeons as quickly as possible, and this often leads to conflict with people who aren’t as confident or simply prefer to take things slowly. Providing a separate “mode” for those who like to speedrun — as well as incentives for everyone in the party to be on board with speedrunning the dungeon — would, I feel, alleviate at least a certain amount of this tension. Plus trying to beat your best times makes for an inherently satisfying means of rewarding replays of old content.

Score Attack

This would be a little more complex, but the basic principle is the same as outlined above: clear a dungeon, get a grade, adjust the rewards according to how good the grade was.

In this case, the grade would come from the total score the party attains in the dungeon. The score could change via any or all of the following possible events:

Dealing damage/overall DPS
Defeating an enemy
Overkilling an enemy (dealing more damage than necessary to knock its HP to 0)
Landing hits in rapid succession (skillchains)
Hitting multiple enemies at once with AoE skills
Tanks maintaining aggro
Losing points for non-tanks taking aggro
Clutch healing (i.e. the same circumstances where a well-timed heal increases the Limit gauge)
Using limit breaks
Finding treasures
Defeating bosses quickly

There could then be a number of point bonuses awarded, either at the end of the dungeon or at checkpoints (likely the bosses):

Time bonus according to how quickly the section/dungeon was cleared
Bonus according to the percentage of all enemies in the section/dungeon defeated (encouraging full clears)
Penalties for party KO’s or failing to deal with boss mechanics properly
Bonuses for achieving specific goals such as overkills, enemies simultaneously defeated and the like

At the conclusion of the dungeon, the party receives a letter grade between D and S, with rewards increasing for better grades.

My thinking behind this mode is that it would force players to play in a slightly different way; it would require cooperation, players playing their job well and being more willing to be thorough about clearing a dungeon. Because well-geared players are less inclined to do full clears of dungeons, the rewards for performing well in Score Attack should provide sufficient incentive for them to play in this mode, since better gear will inevitably allow for the attainment of higher scores.

Someone out there doubtless has a compelling argument as to why both of these are stupid ideas — off the top of my head, perhaps the strongest argument against would be making something so “gamey” fit into the overall lore, though FFXIV isn’t above a transparently shoehorned explanation or two here and there. (See: anything PvP; the Crystal Tower weekly quest; anything involving the Wandering Minstrel; the recent seasonal event in which you could meet the developers) To be clear, these are not by any means serious suggestions in the slightest. I do think they’d both be pretty fun, though — and they’d certainly get me pumped up to chase some high scores and best times.

2062: By Request: 100 Reasons You Should Play Metal Gear Solid V

Continuing with my exercise from the last few days in which I take “requests” from my Twitter followers, today I follow the suggestion of Josh “Musubi Azeyma” Major, a friend whom I originally met through Final Fantasy XIV. Josh requested that I present a hundred reasons why people should play Metal Gear Solid V, because he’s obsessed with it right now and thinks everyone else should be too. So, who am I to argue with that logic?

DISCLAIMER: The only real potential issue with this task is that I haven’t actually played Metal Gear Solid V, nor do I own a copy. Since we have, however, established that it is acceptable for professional journalists to comment negatively about things without putting in a substantial amount of time with them — or in some cases, without even playing them at all — it’s surely fine for some nobody blogger in the wilds of the Internet (albeit one who used to be a professional games journalist) to speak positively about something he has absolutely no experience with whatsoever. So, without further ado, let’s begin.

It’s part of the Metal Gear Solid series, which people have heard of.
Hideo Kojima is a cool dude who posts pictures of Eggs Benedict on Twitter and makes jokes about them jiggling like boobs.
Konami fucked Hideo Kojima up the ass pretty royally towards the end of Metal Gear Solid V’s development, so while buying a copy and enjoying it may support Konami to a certain degree, it also shows your support for Hideo Kojima’s creation.
The graphics are quite pretty.
It’s available on Xbox 360, Xbox One, PlayStation 3 and PlayStation 4, so unless you’re a weirdo who only has a Wii U in the house, you can almost certainly play it.
Quiet has nice tits.
Quiet is pretty badass.
Appreciating Quiet’s feminine wiles pisses off the outrage brigade.
There are guns in this game.
And dogs.
And a horse that you can command to shit whenever you want.
You can attach balloons to bears and send them flying off into the sky.
You can do the same with enemy guards.
There’s apparently some sort of story that’s pretty good.
Something interesting happens in the medical bay or something, everyone keeps yammering on about it without actually saying what it is because spoilers.
Something about cassette tapes.
METAL GEAR?!
It is, I am assured, open world without being directionless.
It does that thing I like where it presents each mission as its own self-contained “episode”, complete with intro and outro credits sequences.
Each mission is apparently pretty tightly focused rather than making use of the open world unnecessarily.
It’s not Splinter Cell.
Revolver Ocelot.
Metal Gear is a Japanese series that it’s apparently still acceptable to like without people calling you a paedophile.
There are achievements and trophies in the game.
If you’re really good at a mission, you get an S-rank and feel all happy.
You can tranquilise people.
You can kill people.
You can sneak up on people.
You can charge in the front door of an enemy base brandishing an assortment of improbable military hardware, then blow everything up with reckless disregard for the “Tactical Espionage” part of the game’s subtitle.
Something about tanks.
Anita Sarkeesian’s puppetmaster Jonathan McIntosh doesn’t like Hideo Kojima for the jokes he makes on Twitter (see #2).
Posting things about Metal Gear Solid online at the time of writing is a sure-fire means of getting those sweet-ass clicks.
There’s a Mother Base that you manage or something.
You can get soldiers and dogs and stuff for your base or something.
Some of it’s a bit like Peace Walker, which I also haven’t played but people seemed to like.
Kojima has dialled back the “I’M MAKING A MOVIE!!” chaos. A bit.
Kiefer Sutherland is like a proper famous actor, innit.
The probably-vain hope that David Hayter will show up at some point in the same, growl “SURPRISE”, snap the neck of KieferSnake, forcing you to play the rest of the game as Snake with his proper voice.
Lid from Hyperdevotion Noire was pretty fit.
You can hide in cardboard boxes.
You can play as people who aren’t Snake if you so desire.
Including women. SHOCK
But Snake has a robot arm or something, so he’s clearly the best.
If you’re playing this game, you are contractually obliged to put the word “Punished” in front of your Twitter name, because it makes you at least 20% cooler to do so.
This coolness quotient increases to 30% if you also scrawl an eyepatch on your avatar using Microsoft Paint.
Hurt me more, Snake
There’s a sweet-ass limited edition PlayStation 4 to tie in with the game’s release, because we all know Metal Gear is a series that belongs on PlayStation.
There’s some sort of online feature, I think.
You’re banned from soliciting relationships with other people through Metal Gear Solid V’s online features, which means you can protect yourself against people who are on the pull through Metal Gear Solid V’s online features.
Who does that?
I anticipate it will be less than a week before someone recreates a scene from this using nothing but Super Mario Maker.
Someone already did the microwave tunnel scene from Metal Gear Solid IV.
This game is longer than Ground Zeroes.
It is also a lot longer than previous Metal Gear games.
My friend Josh claims to have spent over a hundred hours on this game so far.
A lot of stuff is optional, so you can probably whizz through it a bit quicker if you want to.
Something about vagina bombs. (I didn’t play Ground Zeroes either.)
You like Castlevania, don’t you?
There are no navel-gazing codec conversations between Raiden and Rose.
There are, instead, navel-gazing cassette tapes, but you can listen to these while you’re attaching helium balloons to bears.
Metal Gear games usually have good villains. (I have absolutely no idea who the villains are in this.)
Ditto boss fights. (Likewise.)
The old games had good music. This one probably maybe does too.
Ditto voice acting.
You can level up Snake or something.
I think you can possibly maybe level up the other soldiers you collect too.
If Quiet’s boobylicious outfit bothers you that much, she has numerous other costumes, including being completely covered in blood and Sniper Wolf’s somewhat more conservative but still boobylicious outfit.
Apparently there’s some explanation for why Quiet dresses the way she does.
Something about photosynthesis.
Or possibly nanomachines. Son.
That big speech at the end of Metal Gear Solid 2 was kind of cool in how eerily prescient it was.
That means that in roughly ten years’ time, something in Metal Gear Solid V will probably be looked back on and numerous chins stroked thoughtfully.
This installment uses a Roman numeral V instead of the Arabic digit 5, because Roman numerals are, as everyone knows, inherently classier.
The Phantom Pain sounds kind of cool as a subtitle.
Although it’s a bit close to The Phantom Menace for my liking.
Although it looks as if Metal Gear Solid V may well be reclaiming the subtitle structure The Phantom [x] from the damage that Star Wars did to it.
George Lucas had nothing to do with this game.
This game does not feature, at any point, in Disney Infinity.
If you play this game, you can talk about it with your friends rather than just nodding and smiling and pretending to know what they’re blathering on about.
The Steam version might have trading cards or something, I don’t know because the Steam store isn’t working for me right now.
The PC port has to be better than that dogshit effort with the last Batman game.
Hey, it’s a Metal Gear Solid game that you can actually play on PC without dicking around with emulators!
You should still probably play it on PlayStation, preferably on that sweet-ass limited edition console.
If you buy one of those sweet-ass limited edition consoles from me when I’m working, do me a solid and also buy the extended warranty coverage and preorder some other stuff.
The person who hired me for my part-time seasonal retail job is a huuuuge fan of Metal Gear Solid.
I was hired for said job partly because I included the words “nanomachines, son” under the “Skills” section on my CV.
I’m running out of things to write here.
I’m honestly impressed that I’ve made it to 88 without much padding.
If you buy a physical copy of the game you can put it on your shelf alongside all the previous Metal Gear Solid games for a cool display of the series over time.
The uneven sizes of the boxes for Metal Gear Solid over the years — CD-sized PSone cases, DVD-sized PS2 cases, slightly-smaller-than-DVD-sized PS3, PS4 and Xbox One cases — makes for an attractively wibbly-wobbly effect on your shelf.
The hardback strategy guide for Metal Gear Solid V is very pretty indeed, and if you can still find a copy anywhere you often get a free poster with it.
The softback one is still pretty meaty and can probably do some damage to an assailant if you have it to hand when you come under attack.
Even if you have no intention of playing Metal Gear Solid V, tossing the disc case out in front of a passing guard will distract them long enough for you to sneak up behind them and snap their neck.
You probably shouldn’t do that.
Instead, you can indulge such fantasies in the new video game from Hideo Kojima, Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.
There’s some sort of kawaii idol girl posters scattered around the place in the game.
Have you considered trying Mad Max as well, which came out the same day? Polygon hated it, which is reason enough to try it.
You should probably also give Until Dawn a go if you have a PlayStation 4, because Sony idiotically released it last week and not at, I don’t know, Halloween.
You can probably edit together some entertaining and silly videos using the next-gen consoles’ video capture facilities and software such as the PS4’s ShareFactory.
If you bugger off and play Metal Gear Solid V, I don’t have to keep writing this, and I can get on with playing Super Mario Maker instead.