Here’s a curious paradox for you: how much of the supposed epidemic of “bullying” and “harassment” going on on the Internet these days is down to people bringing it upon themselves?
This isn’t a question of “victim blaming”, as the buzzword has it, but it’s an actual phenomenon that I’ve observed — and, in my younger days, even engaged in myself. I can’t explain why I did such a thing, but I know I did it, I know that I was aware I was doing it even at the time, and yet I simply couldn’t stop myself.
I suffered dreadfully at the hands of bullies in primary school. I’m not sure what it was about me — my hair, my accent, the fact my ears appeared quite large in comparison to my head (I’ve since “grown into” them, I think) or some combination of all of the above and a few other things besides — but I was a regular target for some of the schools more notorious troublemakers. And it wasn’t to do with my friendship group, either, as on a number of occasions my supposed “friends” actually sided against me in an attempt to win favour points with the bullies (who, inevitably, were the “cool” kids). Perhaps it was self-preservation, perhaps they’d really had enough of me; either way, it was a betrayal, and it hurt.
But I know that I was partly to blame for some of the incidents that happened. I recall deliberately goading the bullies on more than one occasion — swearing at them, insulting them, trying to attack them — and inevitably being knocked to the ground, winded and crying. The teachers on duty would do their usual “come over and look concerned” bit, but then nothing would ever happen to the people who had assaulted me. And so the cycle would repeat, over and over again.
Perhaps it was an attempt to claw my own little bit of “power” on the playground, because I was very much at the bottom of the food chain. Perhaps it was an attempt to let out my frustration about what I now recognise as social anxiety and difficulty interacting with some people. Perhaps I was just a little cunt. I honestly don’t know the reason. But what I do know is that despite the fact I was the “victim”, I was also genuinely to blame for a goodly proportion of those incidents — not all of them, mind, but a fair few of them.
And I’m reminded of this as I watch interactions on social media today. Mr Brandon Orselli, the chap who runs NicheGamer, an independent games site that I’ve become quite fond of, regularly has to fend off people who start attacking him, his work and his staff without any sort of provocation. Their reasoning? His site has, at times, been sympathetic to the consumer revolt known as “GamerGate”, which has now been raging for some ten months and, despite a considerable amount of evidence to the contrary, is still regarded as a “hate group” of “misogynists”.
Now, I’m not here to talk about GamerGate and whether or not it’s right (largely because I know it’s a topic of discussion that tends to become irrational very quickly — both “sides” are very much at fault in this regard, and frankly I want nothing to do with the perpetual arguments and finger-pointing) but one glance at the front page of NicheGamer will tell you that it’s absolutely not any sort of GamerGate propaganda rag. Rather, it’s an up-and-coming independent site with a clear focus, a staff that is obviously passionate about their work — including some highly knowledgeable specialist writers — and an editor-in-chief who is not afraid to stand up for himself, his work and his site.
Orselli does admittedly, at times, come across as a little arrogant on social media — but you know what? I understand the pride he takes in his work, and the pleasure he feels when things go well for his site. And I very much respect his choice to take the bull by the horns and engage these “critics” in an attempt at conversation even as they are, at times, spreading information that simply isn’t true.
Why am I reminded of my own playground experiences? Well, the sort of people who are attacking Orselli and his staff remind me of the young me. They poke and they poke and they poke and they goad and they goad and they goad… and then they call foul (or, more accurately, “harassment”) when the person they’ve been poking and goading bites back. (It has to be said, mind you, that it’s not quite the same situation: Orselli is not a “bully”, has shown admirable self-restraint and civility in these interactions, and has been a lot more calm and collected about them than I probably would be!) In other words, observing from the outside and recognising this behaviour as something I once did (as a child!) makes it seem very much like those attacking Orselli, his site and others like them are specifically going out and looking for trouble so they can further their “harassment” narrative.
Certainly nothing I’ve seen of NicheGamer’s output — and since I’ve pretty much stopped following big games sites as they don’t cover many of the games I’m interested in these days, it’s one of the few sites I do check in on semi-regularly — warrants the sort of unpleasantness I’ve seen hurled at Orselli and his team on a seemingly daily basis, whatever your feelings on GamerGate (which, as previously noted, is not the same thing as NicheGamer). If anything, NicheGamer should be applauded for trying something different in a world of identikit big magazine-style or blog-type games sites, and catering to a specific audience rather than casting a very wide but very shallow net.
But anyway. It hopefully goes without saying that this isn’t any attempt to diminish any instances of genuine harassment that actually goes on on social media — after all, I’ve dealt with it myself, so I know how shitty it is. But this sort of behaviour — deliberate provocation — just rubs me up the wrong way, particularly as I’ve suffered at the hands of bullies many times over the years, both by bringing it on myself and through no fault of my own. So in the words of Twitter’s favourite anti-bully ranger:
https://twitter.com/antibullyranger/status/609751052125016064
Or, to put it another way, don’t be a cunt.