Little Johnny wants to buy a copy of acclaimed and excessively popular (some might say cultish) Lovecraftian multiplayer FPS Call of Cthuty: Black Arts and heads down to his local GAME. There, he attempts to procure a copy of said game—which has a big shiny red BBFC “18” certificate on it—with the pocket money he’s saved up. Little Johnny is eleven years old and doesn’t have any ID, fake or otherwise. The cashier at GAME refuses to serve him. Little Johnny goes home and cries, and Xbox LIVE is safe from another squeaky-voiced pipsqueak for another day.
Well done, GAME, correct response.
Little Johnny returns to GAME with his mother, who doesn’t know much about video games. He has convinced her that he “needs” this game in order to fit in with all the cool kids, who are all playing it for 37 hours a day, some of whom have already Ascended and are going around the levelling system again, only this time with brand new Elder Powers to choose from. His mother picks up the game, barely gives it a second glance, asks the cashier for it with Little Johnny standing right there, and the cashier doesn’t question this at all. Little Johnny’s mother hands him his shiny new game, he shouts “FUCK YEAH!” and runs out of the shop giggling.
No, GAME. Bad GAME. Incorrect response.
Bigger Johnny (no relation) wants to buy a copy of acclaimed and excessively popular (some might say cultish) Lovecraftian multiplayer FPS Call of Cthuty: Black Arts and heads down to his local GAME. There, he attempts to procure a copy of said game—which has a big shiny red BBFC 18 certificate on it—with his credit card. He is 19, after all. He gives the “If you’re lucky enough to look under 21…” sign on the counter a brief glance but decides that the bum-fluff he’s managed to grow on his chin will ensure he won’t have to worry about ID—which is good, because he’s forgotten to bring it. He is incorrect in his assumption, as the cashier asks him for ID and he is unable to provide it. He leaves the shop empty-handed, but with his bank account forty quid better off than it would have been.
Well done, GAME, correct response.
Bigger Johnny’s mum just happens to be Mary “Queen of Shops” Porta, supposed shopping “guru” who is on the tellybox frequently whingeing at shop-owners about how rubbish they are. She is outraged at the way GAME have treated her darling son and tells him all sorts of things about how he should have demanded to see the manager, then promptly gets on the phone, shouts at them, gets hung up on and then demands to speak to the CEO of the entire company. In public. On Twitter. CEO promptly deflects her with his PR human shield… and the matter is still ongoing at the time of writing.
This latter part actually happened today, albeit with a 15-rated game and a 17-year old son who attempted to use his 16+ Oyster Card as valid ID for GAME staff to check his age. They refused—and good on them, frankly, for upholding a law which is all too often flouted by retailers more concerned with making a quick buck than actually ensuring inappropriate content doesn’t get into the hands of kids. Mary Queen of Shops, however, was furious, though it’s not entirely clear what grounds she has to complain. Here are some of her tweets on the subject:
You’ll notice her casual dismissal of the ratings system as “we are not talking drink”. Apparently some retail laws really are worth more than others to our Mary. She is also heavily focused on the ID issue, though implies that there was some non-specific “rotten attitude” from the store in question. When asked about this by one Twitter user, however, her only response was this:
No mention of what the “more to it than that” was. She hasn’t said anything since, at the time of writing.
Now, I’ve talked about this topic a number of times. Censorship is a bad thing; but the refusal to sell age-restricted products to minors is not censorship. It’s ensuring that people have access to age-appropriate material—a law which would mostly work were it not for the stupid loophole most retailers use to avoid difficult conversations where they’ll happily sell the game to a parent even if it is very, very obviously on behalf of a child who is standing right there.
I don’t for a second believe Fox News’ nonsense that games cause rape, violence and AIDS. But I do believe that “mature” content should be kept out of the hands of minors until they’re old enough to deal with it appropriately and not run around shouting “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” in the middle of the street. (Which they genuinely used to do in sunny Southampton.) Foot-stamping and attitude from people like Mary here doesn’t achieve anything except devalue the law every time it’s circumvented. If her son wanted to buy the game—which he was quite entitled to do if he had one of the forms of ID that everywhere else in the world accepts and not an Oyster card which no-one has ever* accepted as valid ID—then he should have gone prepared. And when he got turned away, his initial reaction should not be to speak to the manager as Mary seems to think it should be. It should be to shrug, accept the fact that he done messed up, like, go home, get his ID and then try again.
But no; the customer is always right, after all. Even when they’re clearly wrong. You have my sympathies, retail types. I remember all too well what it was like.