1164: Urgh

I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically. It’s one of those times of year where everything seems to be dull, grey and miserable, both literally and metaphorically. It’s cold outside, it’s often raining or snowing, everyone is getting pissy with everyone else and I’d just quite like Existence to be a bit nicer, please.

The thing I think I’m finding most tiresome and exhausting at the moment is how short everyone’s fuse on the Internet seems to be at the moment. I’m not even on Twitter any more and I’m still seeing stupid, ill-informed, pointless arguments erupting all the time. I’m deliberately avoiding all of them because I know from past experience attempting to provide some sort of rational viewpoint on any even vaguely “hot-button” issue will just get everyone yelling at you for no apparent reason. If they want to yell at each other, fine; it’s just frustrating to see it happening, and Facebook’s refusal to allow users to take control of their experience so they can insert advertising into mental orifices you didn’t know you had means that it’s all but unavoidable.

The current thing that seems to be getting everyone riled up is the current gay marriage Supreme Court thing that’s going on in the States. Not being American, I don’t know all the details of what’s happening but I know my feelings on gay marriage, which are as follows: if you love each other and would both like to get married, you should be able to get married, whoever you are. Simple as that.

But this isn’t about my views on gay marriage or indeed anyone else’s views on gay marriage; rather, it’s about one of those “Internet solidarity” things where everyone changes their avatar to the same thing to show support for a cause, “get people talking” and “raise awareness”. I personally think that this is an idea that never works properly (I wrote about it when it happened for a different issue here) and sparks more arguments than it raises awareness — particularly when people don’t explain what their sudden change to an abstract avatar is all about — but ultimately it’s something that people are going to do if they think it helps, and I’ve learned it’s really not worth arguing over.

Why? Because no-one on the Internet actually listens to anyone else. (That’s a generalisation. There are exceptions. But check out any comments thread on a hot-button issue like this and you’ll see.) People stick staunchly to their viewpoint and refuse to entertain the possibility of acknowledging (let alone embracing) an alternative outlook. And because people on both sides are so resolute that Their Way is the Right Way, tempers inevitably flare, people start calling each other hypocrites and trawling back over old social media posts to find that one post they know where their opponent did something that doesn’t match up with the viewpoint they’re advocating now.

I’m tired of it. Really tired. And I feel selfish saying that, but I’m saying it anyway. I’m tired of feeling like the exhausted teacher sitting at the front of the room powerless to do anything while a classroom full of children fight over silly “he said, she said” quarrels that aren’t really addressing anything at all. (I speak from experience.)

I remember in the early days of the Internet, when communication with like-minded strangers was exciting. I remember spending hours on CompuServe’s “CB Simulator” chat room talking to people — I even made some actual friends through it. I remember being polite and treating strangers with respect, and I remember them doing likewise. I remember being excited about this awesome-seeming future whereby anyone in the world could communicate with anyone else at the touch of a button.

Fast forward fifteen years or so and everyone is using this frankly amazing technology to call each other wankers. Good job, world.

#oneaday Day 994: I Don’t Care

I’m coming to the rather cynical conclusion that I’m not sure I care enough about certain issues to want to shout and scream and rant and rave about them all day, every day. A big part of the reason behind this is the fact that people who do care enough about certain issues to shout and scream and rant and rave about them all day, every day are wearing me down significantly. I won’t get into specifics, as that will likely only provoke more shouting, screaming, ranting and raving, but suffice to say I really can’t be arsed with it any more.

I am fully aware that taking this rather apathetic attitude towards Big Issues makes me officially Part of the Problem. But, you know, I just don’t care any more. I have had my share of shit things happen to me in my life — nothing on a par with the abuse and crap some social groups have to put up with, though, obviously — and I am just exhausted. I am 31 years old and I just want to settle down with a nice, quiet life. I want to have a nice house with a cat and/or a dog, a car that doesn’t rattle when it goes around corners, a job that I enjoy that also allows me the free time to do things I want to do. I am partway there already (mainly on the job front) after a difficult couple of years, and I just do not have the energy to get upset and angry over things outside of my immediate situation any more. It’s selfish, and I’m completely aware of that — and mildly guilty about it, to my annoyance — but it’s true. I want my own life to be sorted before I try and fix the rest of the world, and I’ve still got a long way to go yet.

In honesty, it’s not that I genuinely don’t give a shit about the issues in question and don’t think they’re a problem. It’s that any time a “discussion” on said issues comes up, it devolves within a matter of seconds into people throwing tables at each other, telling each other to “get a grip” or that Their Opinion Is Wrong. I’ve tried on several occasions to engage in such discussions in a reasonable, rational manner and every time this pattern has emerged, without fail. It’s utterly predictable. Someone makes an inflammatory statement deliberately designed to provoke, someone else comes along with a counterpoint, then both sides gather the troops and proceed to bitch and scream at one another with no resolution being reached. Then the whole thing just happens again and again and again. In some cases, people in question repeatedly stoke the fire in an attempt to get the arguments to flare up again long after the initial flurry has passed.

I have one far-off friend in particular whom I otherwise like very much who I now feel I can’t really engage with via social media any more because 90% of their posts seem to follow the pattern outlined above. This sort of person attracts like-minded individuals, most of whom are strong-willed and keen to argue their case aggressivelyI hate unnecessary aggression and will do anything possible to avoid it, whether it’s in actual conversation or on the Internet. If that means no longer talking to someone online, then it’s a sad situation for sure, but it’s what I’ll do.

There’s also the fact that in a lot of cases these screaming matches don’t achieve anything whatsoever. A lot of the people who hold these strong opinions can very much talk the talk but then don’t do anything to back up their bold words. If they took some sort of action regarding the things they feel so strongly about, I might be more inclined to care more one way or the other. But when the same old arguments arise day after day after day, I just get tired and don’t want to engage with it any more. The impact is lost. I don’t care any more. I just want to have a quiet life. If your points are making me — and doubtless plenty of others like me — feel like that, you are not arguing your case well.

Is that such a bad thing? Apparently so. But if it’s wrong, to mangle the cliché, I really don’t have the energy or give enough of a shit to be right.