I'm sorry the search for your cat, Oliver, hasn't improved. I, myself, have had two cats go missing, and another, my childhood cat, who was killed when my father accidentally ran him over.

Similarly, my life is in a period of uncertainty or turmoil, and I am put in a standstill. My current cat has bone cancer. We've yet to put him down because he's still enjoying life despite losing an eye and having a tumor that is slowly growing every day. Coincidentally, my cousin, who just graduated from elementary school, has terminal cancer.

But I totally understand what you mean about distracting yourself with mechanically demanding games. Overwatch is that game for me, and it's also a coping mechanism, as I grew up with it and it is relatively static compared to the changes in my life. There's something about media where the ending is certain, like narrative-driven games or novels, that creates in me an aversion or anxiety. Perhaps it's because they remind me of progress, change, and endings. Progress, which I feel somehow causes me to forget a loved one. Change, which I desperately do not want. And ending, which comes with a whole slew of emotions.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you and me. Because the truth is—with time, and—if one is willing to look, things do get better.

Another thing I've noticed is the connotations around friendship. Serious friendships after a certain age is considered "childish" or "feminine" (nothing wrong with femininity). This makes it difficult to criticize friends who are not being respectful or to even feel wronged by them. The many times I have called friends out, it's often taken with a sort of disgust or surprise that a man should even care about another man's attention. If so, they must be a homosexual.

Maybe it's the autism, having this unnatural sensitivity to what many would consider small things, because I too remember incidents no one else does that seem to hurt me a great deal like you've mentioned about the response to the invitation of your birthday last year or having something like a prize which was meant for a special occasion, i.e. to be won, being returned to you.

Anyway, happy birthday, I hope you have another good year.

No worries! This is something I continue to grapple with myself, but I think I'm a little better than I have been. Analysis paralysis is such a killer of enjoyment, relaxation and even personal growth, so sometimes you've just gotta tell yourself "just pick something!" — there are no "wrong" choices when it comes to engaging with media that is good for your mental wellbeing.